Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Xanatos]

Sigh...Dammit. Got another bad end. Lilly... I hate Scotland...

Been trying to think of a place to go...I know I can't stay here. I just...Really can't. Maybe Lexington...It's quite a bit more urban than this place, being a college town and all...Has a lot of places to go, things to do, a lot of people...And the college, if I ever decide what the hell to do with myself...

Then there's just the issue of how to actually move myself there when the time comes. I can't drive...

[Helbereth]

friend + car = transportation

Funny thing about friends; If you ask them for help, it's completely possible they'll be willing. If they have the time, most friends will offer assistance on the off chance they find themselves needing help later - or just to be friendly. Unless your friends are jerks. That can have a detrimental effect on more than just securing transportation, though.

It never hurts to ask... unless your friends respond to requests with drastic actions like punching people in the face - then I'd recommend a taxi service.

[Pseudogenesis]

It never hurts to ask... unless your friends respond to requests with drastic actions like punching people in the face - then I'd recommend a taxi service.

Unless the taxi service is known for punching its customers in the face - then I don't know what the hell you'll do.

[Xanatos]

It never hurts to ask... unless your friends respond to requests with drastic actions like punching people in the face - then I'd recommend a taxi service.

Unless the taxi service is known for punching its customers in the face - then I don't know what the hell you'll do.

Actually, here, the taxi service just kicks your dog.

[Pseudogenesis]

It never hurts to ask... unless your friends respond to requests with drastic actions like punching people in the face - then I'd recommend a taxi service.

Unless the taxi service is known for punching its customers in the face - then I don't know what the hell you'll do.

Actually, here, the taxi service just kicks your dog.

D: Bastards

[DoppelGanger]

Hey guys, just leaving a little update.

So I talked about my problems to my family. They took it way better I could ever imagine. It's in these times that you realize how much people close to you are important. Now I have another appointment with my psychiatrist on Tuesday, with my parent this time. This will be interesting.

@Camoufrage

I guess I should have been more specific with my hallucination, I can see why it sound like it's just my brain playing tricks on me. Well, to be fair, sometime it does but sometimes it's way more intense.
As an example of my psychosis there was this time when I heard birds in the middle of the day.
I was alone in my house when suddenly I heard for about 30 seconds exotic birds. If I was living on an island in the Caribbean, there wouldn't be any problem. I live in Canada though. And it was -12 celcius that day (10.4°F). Way to cold to see any birds around here.
Also, I heard them really loud, just as if they were right next to my ears (from both side). Really strange.
I tried to stay rational with the situation but.. how can you when nothing make sense haha !
I can't say for sure that I am schizophrenic because I don't have a real diagnosis, but from what the psychiatrist said, there some chances. I wouldn't be surprise though if the psychiatrist give me the diagnosis for it. All I can say is, we'll see.

@Xden

Thank for the warm response, really appreciate it.
I'll try to post more often, you guys seems really great! And hey, if you want to talk to me directly, PM me, I like using Skype.
Now I have to say, when I said I was isolating myself, it was during my period of ''depression''. Since my ''shift'' (into psychosis) I was still seeing a lot of my friends. I'm probably one of the luckiest bastard who have ton of friends for some reason. Even this weekend I'm going out with a dozen of my friends. So yeah, don't worry about isolating myself, I'm constantly surrounded with good buddies


For all the others, thanks for the support, really appreciate it! I also want you to know, if something bad is happening in your life, there's always someone, somewhere who actually care and will help you. If that person can be me, or anybody on this forum, we're here for you.

[demonix]

I just want to post this so all the people saying they feel old can maybe feel better:

I'm 31.

08/29/1980

Y'all can stop feeling old.

And so can you.

I'm 33 (to be more exact when you turn 32 I'll be a little more then one year and three months older).

I'm not going to add anything else since I have to type up my brief little life story before posting it.

[Wanderingheartache]

It may be me quoting Madoka Magica in the eyes of some people, but today I just realized that what I'm about to say actually fits how a friend of mine is even though I know there is no way she'll ever romantically love me back...


Don't forget.
Always, somewhere,
someone is fighting for you.

As long as you remember her,
You are not alone.



I'll use her real name... Naomi, the girl I've loved for just a short time actually defended me and broke off some bad friendships she had with people she knew for a long time because they called me pathetic and gave her an ultimatum on who she could hang out with between them or me. Naomi, a girl who I have barely known for two summers... chose MY friendship over people she'd known since childhood. I am truly honored to have a friend like her, even though I know that is all I will ever be to her... I'm actually really happy that she didn't cast me aside when the ultimatum was issued. Naomi... my best friend, called me because she wanted to make sure that I was aware that when I sleep it is her turn to protect me.


Sorry I couldn't give any advice... I'm trying to catch up with the posts and I'm taking everything in, I'm probably a little too overjoyed to have such an event happen today when I cannot see my best friend until she comes back from Virginia next month. I apologize for my rambling, but I thought any good update was better than saying nothing at all... I hope that this post is seen as a beacon of hope for everyone and not interpreted as bragging about my luck as of lately.


I don't normally use this term either, but someone in a facebook group has said it a few times to keep us together... "Stay Strong Brojous"

[gragon]

Hello, after reading allot of the pages. I tought I would put my story on the forums too. And maybe
it will help me. (well at least I told someone).

The regular school days start at the age of 4. (well its just playing with stuff now. Kindergarten I suppose )
this is the part were I was getting bullied of one reason I still dont understand. The reason is that I have heterochomia in my right eye. And being the child I was. It made me feel a little special.
So I started pointing it out to the other kids. And that is were it went wrong. I started getting bullied of the little brown spot in my eye. They started calling me poop eye. (it sounds like nothing but for a child...)

After a few weeks of bullying I became the lone wolf. I was not completely alone I did have a friend. He is exacly a half year older than me. But he was one grade higher. We were still in the same class tough. He was the only one at that time that stood up for me. We were in the same class for 2 years. At the time I was going to 1st grade he would be going to the second but he could already read so he skipped a grade. And I was once again alone.

The third grade was like heaven for me. I had a teacher I would talk to and made friends with 3 of the new kids in my class. Then came the beginning of reading. Well, to say at least I sucked at it. While all other kids were reading books of the level 2-4. I was stuck at level 1-2 for a year (note: level 10 was the level were you could start reading regular library books) anyway to advance to the next grade you needed at least level 4. so as you can imagine I didn’t advance to grade 2. so once again I had lost most of my friends (we had different lunch breaks and I didn’t like play dates)

so the next school year I was lonely once again. (I still had the same teacher tough so that was a plus.)

at grade 3. I got mad at my teacher. I just couldnt stand him. Even he was bullying me. I was scared of him. It got to the point were I just ran out of the class and walked home (I lived not that far from school maybe about half a mile) while one of my classmates followd me I tould him that our teacher was such a douche. Wen I came home my mother got a call from the teacher saying I was in trouble.

At that time a lost my trust in my classmates.

Even home wasnt the best place to be. Well most of the time it was. But wen it went wrong. IT WENT REALY WRONG. Let me explain a bit first. My mother had 2 children before she met my dad. Nicky (10) and Linsy (7) (note: the age of the time of my birth) well anyways. I was six at the time. So my sister 13 at the time and my dad had fights bad ones too. And knowing my sister. Stuff was going to be thrown. It got to a point were me,my bro,and mom were alone eating at the dinner table. My dad ate on the couch and my sis inside her room.

At some point my dad got angry at me. (for a reason I dont remember) I too got mad. I fell from my chair. Stood up ran to the hallway and sat there for a minute or 2. I was literly blinded by my madness I was so mad I punched the window of our hallway door. Lil did I know I could punch trough it. So as you can imgine my mom started freaking out. Because my hand was stuck in the glass. And my chin was was bleeding too! (this was from the fall of the chair)

at that time at school everything was fine I sat alone in front of the schoolboard wen I liked the teacher of that grade and wen I hated him/her I sat in the back al year. I became socialy akward and I didnt realy mind it until the time were my dad and mom broke up (they were never married)
I was 9 at that time.

I needed sommone to talk to. But I only had that one friend I met at kindergarten. So after not seeing him for a long time I went there and found out his perants broke up too! So we talked a lot about it and became good friends again.


At the age of 12 my sister was kind of a euhm slut. She dated a guy that I hated he hurted me wen I did something he didnt like (in my own house) and the worst part? I could hear them fuck at night.
I couldnt sleep. And for some reason I got afraid of thing like ghosts and thiefs. So no sleep for me.
After she broke up with that guy she started making money trough erotic pictures. And made a porno. Still at the age of 12 some of my classmates found out and started bulling me again.

After a week of bullying i became mad once again. and they ganged up on me. After bitting a pice
out of the arm of one of the boys they ran away. (well the flesh hang lose) But I was still mad so I chased them down. Until I lost my breath (thank god I did not have a good endurance) they didnt spoke a word to me ever again. And I didnt get in trouble for some reason.

The week after that the world came crashing down for us. My sister attemted suicide becuz she heard voices. (she has borderline) after that I realized my whole family had mental issueses so did my mom and grandma and every other familie member of my moms side exept my uncle. She went to a clinic were she got treated. in my opinion she became a 9 out of 10 sister after the treatment.

Meanwhile my dad met his current wife and after half a year I met her. I didnt like her AT ALL. She too had a mental issue. Everything would have to be clean. And not knowing I was one hell of a messy person. (my mom cleaned my room and I slept in the same room as my dad because I was afread of ghosts and stuff.) I got my own room at my dads house. I liked it.

Finaly a place for my own I tought. Well it wasnt that much fun. I needed to clean it... and knowing my steph mom she was never happy so. I got into fights a lot again. One day I got really mad once again. And ran downstairs calld my mom and asked if I could come home again. But before I knew it she took the phone out of my hand and hung up. Never corner a mad or scarred dog. So I cursed and cursed at her until she put an arm on my shoulder I pushed it and her away. And ran upstairs to go and punch the shit out of my pillow.

The next day my dad came upstairs and told me. I wasnt allowed to punch her I explained again I didnt punch er and he got mad he took her side... so once again I lost trust in the people close to me.

Jumping back to school I started my last year of middle school as a complete Asshole. I was a bully why? Because I could! I was the strongest one in the class no one could take me on. I did hurt a lot off my new classmates (they were all new) I was once again alone but not scared or shy this time I was the monster and not the others. Just before the summer vacation I found started explaining why I became the bully and 3 guys in my class became my friends.

And here we are 19 years old now. Still with the same 4 friends (including the guy I met in kindergarten) I still feel lonely and I hate it. I can controll my anger proberly now and have an addiction to video games and anime. Its summer vacation and i've been inside for 2 weeks now.

Im glad I could share my story with you guys and I hope I can help you and you could possibly help my


(sorry for my bad english I've got Dyslexia)

[Camoufrage]

Good read gragon. One of the longest stories I've seen in a while but by far the most interesting and definitely kept me reading. Too many people pittying themselves which makes reading those kinda of stories a lot harder. Yours was just a straight up story worth reading, no complaining as far as I can see.

I can relate with your teacher problems. I've had some awful teachers and punched quite a few in my time. One was pregnant and I got her in the stomach, kinda regret that now.

I also had a step mom I didn't like either, along with a dad I didn't enjoy. I remember when I found out he was having another kid. I feel sorry for her, she got a pretty shitty father, and I hated him for getting another person pregnant.

And you write pretty good for having dyslexia. I've seen some disastrous stuff from people with that. You got the grammar pretty spot on!

[gragon]

thanks. i tought i was being a bit too dramatic but maybe thats because its my story.

the only teachers i hated were guys for some odd reason. well that dude bullyd me. and my 6th grade teacher made a jokes about me i didnt really like but hey jokes are jokes they arnt meant to break you. but they can hurt. (i can laugh about some jokes about suicide. not all of them tough)

well at first i hated becoming an older brother because of my steph mom but wen he could walk and stuff like that i became attached to him. and my steph mom was starting to losen up a bit too so thats a good thing. but i can understand how you felt sorry for your lil sister at the start of her live.

well my dislexya isnt the worst. well it is but for some odd reason ive more problems with my mother language (dutch) than with my english. german is not that bad ether but my france sucks realy bad.

[Camoufrage]

Suicides a touchy subject for a lot of people. I've only ever had girl teachers and the only guy one I had was definitely the coolest one. He was a trekkie and Star Wars geek who had a damn empire insignia tattooed on him arm. He was so cool.

Its not that I don't like having a sister, its that I know shell have a shit dad! My mom was the only one who ever really raised me while my dad just went off and did shit. My moms pretty unstable mentally so in general I didn't get such good parenting.

PM me anytime if you want, always enjoy talking to new people

[gragon]

yea i can understand it. but i just point out if i dont wont to hear the jokes annymore. one time at my drama class our teacher asked for the worst suicide attempt. didnt like it very much but we had some laughs (like this one: ''SSSST I want to hear the deadly silence *waaaaay to dramatic death*) laught my ass of about that one

well looks like we have something in common about your moms side my mother has small traces of borderline and HUGE panic attacks.

well my highschool teachers are pretty cool to my school is very artistic but the only female teacher i have gives art class

but the male teachers are all gamers and thats pretty awesome talking about a subject i like with my history teacher like assasins creed is really epic

and well the same goes for you, i enjoy talking to people. hope we have something in common. so we could talk about that

[Pseudogenesis]

well my highschool teachers are pretty cool to my school is very artistic but the only female teacher i have gives art class

but the male teachers are all gamers and thats pretty awesome talking about a subject i like with my history teacher like assasins creed is really epic

This is me being insanely jealous.



Why aren't my teachers ever nerds? >:|

[gragon]

well my highschool teachers are pretty cool to my school is very artistic but the only female teacher i have gives art class

but the male teachers are all gamers and thats pretty awesome talking about a subject i like with my history teacher like assasins creed is really epic

This is me being insanely jealous.



Why aren't my teachers ever nerds? >:|

well... my high school is not the usual school you are free to work on every subject you want and we dont have books but get our information from the internet. also it could be that my school is realy artistic (we got art class,dancing,music,and acting) that could make a diffrence i think. right? right?

i could even go sit in the back of the class room and play KS (the reason i faild 2 of my math tests) with the H-scenes turned off ofcourse