Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Xden]

I don't mean that I have no friends, but gosh, everyone seems to forget me whenever they go out for anything. It has been lonely for this past 21 years, but I deal with it. I read, I game, I took up photography, but occasionally, especially recently, I realise that I'm rather lonely. I think a lot. I dream about getting a girlfriend, since I guess at least there's SOMEONE to hang out with me. I don't know~ /rant

I know those feels, man. :[ All too well. I've just kind of learned to embrace my solitude and my thoughts, and just appreciate the time I spent with others more. Time to yourself to sit and develop your thoughts can be healthy, so there is a bright side to it all.

Never mastrubated. I'm one fucking odd guy.

Well, it might actually help. XD Releases endorphins, you know. Delicious, delicious endorphins.

Nothing wrong about not having masturbated. And it can be very healthy, but if you do it too often or improperly it can actually lead to a few different sexual defects. It's like a glass of wine. Good for you every so often, but drink too much and you might have some problems.

[Pyramid Head]

Why do all you people have feature film worthy life stories?

And kindspy that certainly is an interesting story. Doesn't leave much to talk about but I understand the need to vent. Do you have problems with Mr Smith or something? I didn't read your last post.

Feature film? That'd be one fucked up film. Between me playing Silent Hill when i was 10, skipping school and all my nightmarish exposure to Republicans, the film would look like something covering the life of a serial killer until it suddenly gets to the end when i'm just a beer and video games nut who types all the time.

Only M. Night Shyamalan could pull that twist off.

Sweet fucking Jah no! I hate M. Night Shyamalan! He's even worse than George Lucas in terms of "Success that never should have existed." At least Lucas's venerability kind of excuses Star Wars's success, but how Shyamalan ever got a big name is a mystery to me with how awful his movies have been. He's a one-hit-wonder director, and frankly he deserved to be punished with The Last Airbender. If i'm going to let someone handle a movie on my life, i think the better choice might actually be Morgan Spurlock since he's personally familiar with bizarre and extremely dangerous substance abuse.

[Xanatos]

Sweet fucking Jah no! I hate M. Night Shyamalan! He's even worse than George Lucas in terms of "Success that never should have existed." At least Lucas's venerability kind of excuses Star Wars's success, but how Shyamalan ever got a big name is a mystery to me with how awful his movies have been. He's a one-hit-wonder director, and frankly he deserved to be punished with The Last Airbender. If i'm going to let someone handle a movie on my life, i think the better choice might actually be Morgan Spurlock since he's personally familiar with bizarre and extremely dangerous substance abuse.

Oh, The Last Airbender...I just pretend it never happened and enjoy the sequel series instead.

I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my thoughts in a movie.

[DoppelGanger]

Hi everyone. Hope you're all doing fine!
( Mountain of text incoming! )

It's been a long time since I didn't post anything on this thread.
But rest assured, I read this thread religiously everyday since it's creation. I usually don't reply because every time I try to help someone, I end up deleting everything because A) there's always somebody who says everything I wanted to say but better and B) my English is pretty bad.

Anyway, I wanted to give a BIG update (damn it has been nearly 5 months since my original post). For those of you who didn't saw my story (it's not as relevant now though), you can find it here:
http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=13&t ... 208#p80208

Yes it's a big mess, here's the tl;dr : I was depressed and really confused about my life, didn't know who to talk to, so yes I wanted some advice about what I should do.

So what happened since February ?

Well in my confusion, I began to isolate myself. I did talk to a social worker in April though. But thing started to get... weird.
I began to have hallucinations. Of many kinds. Nothing really scary, but little things that really set you off. I can hear footsteps behind me, birds, voices, I once hallucinated that someone was throwing a rock at my window. It's bad.
The most frustrating part is, you never know what is real and what was made up by your head. ''What if I hallucinated this ? Was this real ?''. Some hallucination are more obvious than others to detect, but... damn. It's as real real can get.

At least, somehow, my ''depression'' began to disappear. I ''switched'' into something else I guess. It's as if now I don't feel anything. I can be sad or frustrated, but I can't feel it. I also noticed I don't have a lot of facial expressions now. So I began to worry about what was actually happening in my head.

So, this week on Monday morning, I was able to go to a psychiatrist for the first time. Turn out, there's some high chances I have a mental illness involving psychosis. Probably, schizophrenia...

Yup... They gave me medication for now (Risperidone for those who are curious), hope they'll do something soon (It takes about 2 to 3 weeks before the pills works).

So... yeah. The funniest part in all this is, my parents don't know anything about it (my appointment, my medication, my ''depression'' back in February), I planned to talk to them tonight about that. I'll probably repost to let you know what happened.

Also, if Suriko is reading this somehow, thank you. A lot. I did what you asked me to do and now I'm on the right track I think.

Anyways, hope you're all doing fine guys, have a nice weekend! If you have any question, don't be shy!

[Camoufrage]

DoppelGanger, having hallucinations doesn't necessarily make you schizophrenic. I've heard things and seen things too. It still happens. Sometimes the brain does that, doesn't make you cray cray.

Now if its happening and interfering with real life and causing problem with other people. THATS a problem. I don't know if you're a schizo, though. Unless you know you are, in that case I'm just wrong

Hope you get better. And quit isolating yourself. Live life to the fullest. See a movie with someone or something

[Pyramid Head]

Sweet fucking Jah no! I hate M. Night Shyamalan! He's even worse than George Lucas in terms of "Success that never should have existed." At least Lucas's venerability kind of excuses Star Wars's success, but how Shyamalan ever got a big name is a mystery to me with how awful his movies have been. He's a one-hit-wonder director, and frankly he deserved to be punished with The Last Airbender. If i'm going to let someone handle a movie on my life, i think the better choice might actually be Morgan Spurlock since he's personally familiar with bizarre and extremely dangerous substance abuse.

Oh, The Last Airbender...I just pretend it never happened and enjoy the sequel series instead.

I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my thoughts in a movie.

Check out Bastion clips on YouTube and hear the voice of Logan Cunningham, you might actually change your tune after hearing him.

[Xden]

Glad to hear from you, DoppelGanger. It's nice to see people posting about themselves here. I hope things are able to get better for you and that it all works out. You seem like a pretty nice person, sucks that you have to deal with this kind of a thing. I have to agree with Camoufrage a little bit. You should try and enjoy yourself more and you should post more! The more friendly faces the better! We might not be able to help you with some things, but it's always nice to be able to talk to people, y'know? Either way, good luck with your parents! I hope it goes well.

[Xanatos]

The funniest part in all this is, my parents don't know anything about it (my appointment, my medication, my ''depression'' back in February), I planned to talk to them tonight about that. I'll probably repost to let you know what happened.

Oh boy...Good luck with that one.

[Kutagh]

Well, I'm gone for one evening and whoa, there's a mountain of new posts. Is Friday the 13th that bad for you guys?

Speaking generally:
If you're the kind of guy that usually doesn't get invited for stuff and generally isn't noticed a lot: I've been there. In high school, I never got told what the class was planning to do (once my class tried to finish class early by telling the teacher that we had Phys Ed afterwards, which was the last class for the day, while Phys Ed was canceled that day. I didn't know what the class was trying to pull off so I asked the teacher why we finished so early, after everyone left...)
One lesson I've learned though was: Don't wait for others to invite you. Organize something yourself. Nowadays, I regularly organize an afternoon or evening of bowling (like once every couple months). Just this evening I went for dinner and bowling with a buddy of mine and his girlfriend. I'm the one organizing it anyway because otherwise they don't think of it at all Never mind the fact that they might not invite me if I didn't organize it (not worried about that nowadays, cause I'm a regular in the group, but if I'm new...).
Long story short: You have to make yourself known and welcome in the group. Only then people will invite you as well.

@DoppelGanger: I don't think I was around back then but nevertheless: I wish you good luck on your path to recovery (or at least on your path to a stable life). Good luck with your parents, I've seen different kinds of parents. Mine are luckily quite understanding (as I hope yours are too), but I've seen parents taking the wrong approach which ends up with unnecessary conflicts (buddy of mine unfortunately). Nonetheless, most parents do care about you in their own way.

@Others: I do read all posts, do not worry about your post not being read. I just don't reply if I don't have a concrete answer to your post.

@Camoufrage: I've read the Elfen Lied manga, it is not crappy but storyline is a bit minimalistic IMO (without spoilering I can't really explain why I think so).

[Pseudogenesis]

Why do all you people have feature film worthy life stories?

And kindspy that certainly is an interesting story. Doesn't leave much to talk about but I understand the need to vent. Do you have problems with Mr Smith or something? I didn't read your last post.

Feature film? That'd be one fucked up film. Between me playing Silent Hill when i was 10, skipping school and all my nightmarish exposure to Republicans, the film would look like something covering the life of a serial killer until it suddenly gets to the end when i'm just a beer and video games nut who types all the time.

Just a little anticlimactic, don't you think? Meh. I'd rather play MGS4 than go around murdering people. Barely.

[Beoran]

Doppelganger, I hope things will get a bit better with the medication. Our current science of the brain is still limited, so the medication we have now may not work perfectly, but I hope it will help you. I also hope your parents will show some understanding.

Camoufrage: I think almost every life is worth a feature film. Because every life is so unique. And we all know there is no happy ending to the film of our life, but there may be many happy middles.

As for my job, I'm a programmer as you could deduce form my signature, but in this company, it's more serious business than the one before since they deal with lot of money. The salary is nice, but I'll have to prove I'm worth it.

[Helbereth]

I just want to post this so all the people saying they feel old can maybe feel better:

I'm 31.

08/29/1980

Y'all can stop feeling old.

[Xden]

Thought this might be noteworthy:
Teared up a bit this morning. I guess you could call it crying. Helped to loosen me up and clear my hear. Feelsreallygoodman.

Been slightly tearing up like that maybe once a night ever since I finished Emi's good route almost 5 days ago. It feels like it all happened so long ago though. Anyway, it's the most I think I remember ever tearing up in my life, and it feels pretty nice to be able to do so. It's like a kind of emotional exercise in a way. I try to embrace it and just let myself get all the stress out of my system, and it seems to work really well.

If some of you guys are kind of feeling like you've got some pent up stress in you and you are badly having the feels, I might suggest listening to some music that brings those feels to the surface, then going back and immersing yourself in whatever route makes you feel the most, and just go through it again. Picking up wherever you feel you need to in order to get yourself into it. You have to concentrate on immersing yourself though, and not on your emotions. If you can manage to bring up those tears then it might help you like it's helped me. I did this both nights after first finishing Emi's route, and it really helped me to see the beauty in the characters and their experiences. I wouldn't recommend doing this with a bad route btw. It makes me feel good because I can find peace in Emi's happy ending I think.

[Pseudogenesis]

Wtf, man. I beat Emi's story and didn't cry! It was that emotional of an ending? Am I missing something? :S

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[Xden]

Wtf, man. I beat Emi's story and didn't cry! It was that emotional of an ending? Am I missing something? :S

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I didn't cry immediately afterwards. It took some time to develop my thoughts on it. I began to realize the real profoundness of it once I was able to relate it to my own life and be able to empathize with Emi. I can't really explain where all the emotion is coming from just yet, but perhaps a different route affects you the way Emi's affects me.

BIG Emi route spoilers:
For me, I think a lot of it is just having the feeling of having your own father there one second, and then he's just gone. You don't ever get to say good bye or talk to him. You wake up in a hospital with no legs, and don't get to even see his grave until two months later. Even then, you can't see his face ever again. It's just a rock with some text. This person who was so big in your life is gone.

Then the dialogue just gets me so hard.
"These things happen, and there's nothing you can do about it. They aren't necessarily planned, and they aren't always bad, and they aren't always good, but they are."
"Hey, I'm still here, right? And maybe I won't be forever, but don't you think it'll be fun while it lasts? Neither of us could survive the day, there could be a bus crash or something, but so long as I've been with you, I don't think it matters.
We'll go on living until we stop. And when we stop living we'll be able to know that at least we've had time together, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Because I love you...and right now, that's enough for me."
It's just so beautiful. Such raw emotion in those last few sentences. Makes me want to swell up a bit right now.

Then having someone whose had to deal with that their whole lives. It's heart wrenching. I can't even begin to imagine those feels.