(Where's the Walkthrough?)
https://ks.fhs.sh/
THAT is a very beautiful Saki. Continue all your hard work, EBJ. This story is coming along quite nicely!Eurobeatjester wrote:Artwork by the amazing Scott Bennett on DeviantArt.
This completely blew away all my expectations and I couldn't be happier with it. My jaw hit the floor when he sent me the preview yesterday and it hasn't left since.
New chapter! Beginning of Act 2!
Had a trip to Vegas for a convention the last week and I was rushing to finish my costume for it (I won!) so that's why I wasn't able to get this posted sooner. Shorter chapter, only 11 pages long.
Lots of research went into this chapter, so it gets a little heavy on the medical explanations 
Act 2: Countdown
Scene 1: Rough Idle
No good deed goes unpunished, as some supposedly wise man once said.
I paid for the good time I had yesterday with the hell of waking up this morning. The excitement of the past week, the festival last night, and the machinations of one or more random deities conspired against me to turn my blanket into a lead sheet. I hit the snooze button as many times as I could safely do so, then twice more for good measure.
The cold shock that went through me as my bare feet hit the floor made my body scream at the injustice of it all.
I don't even remember taking a shower or getting dressed. I must have, because my scalp is damp and I'm not naked. I don't remember the walk from the dorms to class, either. Just some vague recollection of climbing some stairs and the residual pain from hip-checking a banister on the landing.
I think I just magically teleported from bed to class. That's the explanation I'm going with. I think I saw an old black-and-white TV show that had a plotline like that once. Any further thought into the issue would require the wheels in my head to turn, and the hamster there isn't just sleeping; he's in a coma.
At least the desk feels cool against my forehead.
With a groan, I force myself to sit up and at least take in my surroundings. The rest of the class that bothered showed up looks as anemic as I am in the post-festival crash. Two of the girls in the back have their heads down, using their arms as pillows. Someone is actually snoring lightly, although I can't tell who it is. There are a few more empty chairs than usual, including two next to me that make me raise my eyebrows.
I beat the dynamic duo to class for once? I really should walk down to town later and buy a lottery tick-
“Good morning, everyone~!” comes a voice from the door, easily twice as loud as it needs to be. Someone may as well have just used the chalkboard to file their nails, given the reactions I see; scrunched faces, rolled eyes, wincing, and at least one of pure murder.
The wall of enmity hits Misha full on and she stops, a confused look on her face. “What's going on? Why is almost everyone still asl-yeep!”
The last part of her question comes out as a squeal as she stumbles into the classroom completely, having been shoved from behind by a rather annoyed looking Shizune. This raises a few chuckles from the seat behind me, and I just decide to put my head back down.
Maybe their vision is based on movement. If I just stay as still as possible, they shouldn’t be able to see me, right?
Yeah, my brain definitely isn’t firing on all cylinders yet. The wheel might have started spinning, but the hamster isn’t awake yet. Just making steady, muffled thumps.
“Hicchan~!” I hear, not quite as loud in volume but a lot closer in proximity. Misha's spotted me.
Damn it. The surface of the desk is no longer cool.
“Morning,” I mumble, keeping my eyes closed. Just five more minutes...
My thoughts are interrupted by Misha playfully tousling my hair. Resigning myself, I sigh and look up at her. Her companion looks back and shakes her head with a tsk-tsk-tsk motion before rapidly starting to move her hands.
“'Shicchan wants to know why you can't seem to stay awake, Hicchan,” Misha scolds.
“A dozen other people in this class and you single me out?” I ask, raising my eyebrow and looking around.
“'Almost everyone here worked hard to make the festival a success~',” Misha translates. “'It's only expected that they're going to be tired.'”
“And you're saying I didn't, is that it?” I reply incredulously. I think Shizune's teasing me by the glint in her eye, but I'm really not in the mood for it. I'm not sure what passes for sarcasm when using sign language, but I'm sure having Misha as a filter anywhere in the process doesn't help matters any.
“Well, we barely saw you all week after you got the art supplies for us, Hicchan,” she answers, her hands on her hips. “We thought you might be blowing us off.”
“Well you're wrong, both about blowing you off and not helping. I did plenty of work to help out the festival. I poured sweat, blood, and tears into it.”
Blood and sweat, anyway. I may have wanted to cry when I dropped a pipe on my foot when helping to put the stage together. I settled for a string of words I would never repeat in polite company hissed through clenched teeth.
“'We were looking for you, but we didn't see you. We thought you didn't go at all,'” she says, the tone of her voice not matching Shizune's words. This constant discrepancy is something that I don't know if I'll ever get used to.
“It was a lot bigger than I thought it would be, so I guess it's no surprise we didn't run into each other. Are you sure the two of you went? I didn't see you either.”
Misha signs this and guffaws, while Shizune just gives me a blank look as if I'm a moron for even suggesting that the student council president wouldn't be at the school festival.
“Don't worry, Hicchan. Did you have fun?”
“I did, actually. The food was good and the fireworks were pretty impressive.”
“Oh, and is that all you did?” the pink-haired girl questioning me asks, lowering her voice in a way that instantly puts my guard up.
“I...checked out the band's performance,” I say, not sure where she's going with this.
“Wahahaha, I knew it, I knew it~!” Misha exclaims, her voice right back at full volume. “I saw you eating lunch with Saki. I didn't want to bother you though. You looked like you were having a good time.”
Thanks, Misha. Now everyone in the class kno...wait, if Misha saw me but Shizune says she didn't, does that mean Misha purposely didn't point me out to her?
I don't have time to ponder this before a very flustered Shizune throws up her hands and stomps the few steps to her desk. I realize that Misha hadn't been signing any of this exchange to her.
“What's her problem?” I ask Misha as Shizune angrily takes her seat, the feet of the chair squealing in protest against the floor as she scoots into position.
“Honestly, I think it's because you didn't spend the day with her,” Misha says with a wink while moving to her own desk. “Did you have any plans for lunch today?”
“Not really, no.”
“Great~! Want to spend it with us then?”
I didn't really know what I was going to do for lunch. I'm so tired that the idea that time would advance forward to get to that point is one I can't even fathom. Well, we all need to eat, and hopefully Shizune will have calmed down by then.
“Sure.”
Heavy footsteps echo from the hallway as Mutou trudges in, looking like death warmed over. He's unshaven, his hair is a more of a mess than usual, and his eyes are rimmed with red. It looks like he got about as much sleep as the rest of us in class did. All the normal classroom buzz turns silent as he makes is way across the front of the room, either from respect or amazement at the state he's in.
He reaches his standard spot by his desk, then turns to face us, taking us in with a slight smile. “I don't have to even ask if you enjoyed the festival, judging by how many of you are here and awake,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “I did have a pop quiz scheduled for you to take today...”
He's cut off by a collective groan from the class.
“...but given that about a third of the class isn't here, and those of you that are look like you couldn't even spell your own names right now, I'll hold off on it until tomorrow. It's not a big thing, but it helps me assess your own individual progress with understanding the course material. So I guess you can see why today wouldn't be a good day to take it.”
Honestly, chances are he's in about as much shape to grade the tests as we are to take them, but I’ll be happy to go along with the charade.
He turns around and writes a series of page numbers on the blackboard.
“We'll be covering the last three chapters from the textbook,” he explains. “Pretty much every question on the quiz will be from those chapters. You can spend the the next hour reviewing the pages I've written up here, reading, putting your heads down quietly, or doing assigned work. We'll do some oral review tomorrow before the quiz if you have any questions you want to go over,” he finishes, that trademark grin pulling at the corner of his mouth.
The lunch bell might as well be the alarm at a prison warning of an escape. The tension in the air from everyone waiting for it finally explodes, and the room comes alive with students eagerly trying to free themselves from its clutches.
Shizune is one of the first on her feet, signing frantically to Misha, who matches her intensity.
“In a hurry?” I ask cordially, leaning back to stretch and feeling a few of my vertebrae pop.
“Sorry Hicchan,” Misha says with a sad look. “Shicchan says we have to take care of some stuff for the council from the festival. I thought it could wait until after school and we could all get something to eat, but...”
“Don't worry, I'll manage. We can grab lunch some other time.”
Whether Shizune's still upset or she has legitimate business to to take care of, I don't know. My guess is that it's a little from column A, and a little from column B. Either way, I'm partially relieved I no longer have to worry about it. With another apologetic glance, Misha follows Shizune out the door.
I stand, having waited until most of the other students have left. Maybe there's something appetizing in the cafeteria. Then again, almost anything sounds good at the moment, given that I haven't had anything since the food at the festival yesterday.
I step out the door and narrowly avoid a collision with Mutou, who was walking down the hall. It seems he's just as eager to get to lunch as the rest of us.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I say, taking a quick sidestep to keep from bumping into him. He seemed to have jumped at bit as well, leaving both of about a meter apart. I intend to let him pass me first, but he stops.
"Hold up one second, Nakai. I forgot to tell you something earlier."
“Um, sure.”
I wonder what I've done to grab his attention. He glances through the door and gives a weak, cursory smile. We both stand off to the side, letting the rest of the students vacate until there's just the two of us standing in front of the classroom.
“Just wanted to make sure that you were doing okay," he starts, putting his hands casually into his pockets. "You just finished up your first week, and I wanted to see how you were adjusting to everything.”
“Oh,” I say, relieved but not completely relaxed. I thought that I might have been in trouble, but this still isn't an easy topic of conversation for me. “I guess I'm settling in alright.”
“How are the classes? I was worried that you might have some problems because of how long you were in the hospital. We're not going too fast for you, are we?”
“Not at all,” I reply. Science was always something fascinating to me, and while I slacked off on most of the coursework that my classmates and parents brought to me in the hospital, I legitimately tried to keep up with that part of it. “I've always liked science, so it wasn't that hard to get back into it.”
“Good. Great, actually,” Mutou says, a look of relief on his face. I get the feeling his subject of studies isn't appreciated by many of his students. “How about your other classes? Any problems catching up?”
“I’m having a hard time with English, but I don’t think it’s because of the hospital stay…”
The older man chuckles at the joke I make. “I understand. That was pretty much it. I would have had a better idea after the test I was going to give today, but I thought I'd just ask. Oh, one more thing - stop by the nurse's office.”
“Do I need to go right now?”
“No, Nurse didn't make it sound like it was urgent. Just swing by when you're able to.”
“Alright,” I haven't been avoiding Nurse, but with everything going on last week and after the run with Emi, seeing him just hasn't been anywhere on my priority list. Maybe I'll swing by later after classes. I wanted to ask him about my insomnia, at any rate.
“See you later, Nakai,” Mutou finishes with a smirk. “If you're really not having any problems, then I expect you to get a good grade on the quiz tomorrow.”
Well, I’m pretty confident I don’t have to worry. All I do is nod and continue on my way.
(continued...)
The temporary diversion with Mutou means I avoided most of the crush of students the other classes getting out. There are a few stragglers making their way towards the staircase from the classrooms further down the hallway, so I fall in step along with them. I'm nearly to the upper landing when I recognize two students by the elevator and change course.
“Hey, you two.”
Chisato and Saki turn at the sound of my voice, both of them offering smiles and greetings.
“You look better,” I mention to Saki. She's awake and alert again, filled with the energy that seemed to elude her for most of last night. “Get a good night's sleep?”
“I was out before my head even hit the pillow,” she says to me.
“Oh lucky you,” Chisato says, rolling her eyes. “I was up half the night taking down that stall.”
“You were not,” Saki chides. “Besides, it serves you right for not helping to set it up.”
The elevator doors chime and open, disgorging a small handful of students. Saki and Chisato step in after the way is clear, Chisato raising her eyebrow towards me as if to beckon me inside. I do feel a little guilty using the elevator when I'm perfectly capable of walking, but not enough to prevent me from doing so.
“Doing anything for lunch?” Saki asks as the elevator starts to move.
“I was, but that fell through. Why do you ask?”
“We were on the way to the cafeteria,” Chisato answers, leaning back against the wall and lightly yawning. “You're welcome to come with.”
I don't see any reason to object, and am about to tell the two of them when the elevator comes to a halt. The big red display above the doors shows we're at the second floor, so all three of us move towards the back of the elevator and press our backs to the wall to make room.
With another chime, the door opens and I see two people waiting. One is a petite girl with long dark hair seated in a wheelchair, her bookbag resting across her lap. She smiles at us and wheels herself in. The student that follows her however, is someone I recognize from my own class, though I can't remember his name.
He scans our group, the general look of boredom and disinterest changing to a scowl of disapproval for a fraction of a second when his eyes rest on Saki.
“Hey, Maeda,” Chisato says, causing my brain to click.
Maeda, that was it. Takeshi? Takashi? I can't remember his first name. He sits on the other side of Shizune. I don't think I've ever seen him take his green uniform jacket off, even though we're not required to wear it in class. He never buttons it up, revealing he doesn't wear a tie but instead opts to wear a dark blue vest. The brown beret he wears on his mop of light brown hair leans towards the right side, nearly resting on the bandage covering his ear.
“Hey,” he answers noncommittally, before closing his eyes and moving to join us. He turns to face the elevator doors as they close, effectively cutting us off with his body language.
I take a quick glance at the girls. Chisato’s taken an interest in the nails of her right hand. She buffs them against the fabric of her shirt, then holds them up for inspection.
Saki, for her part, seems to be staring intently at a spot on the floor.
I have no idea what just happened. I'm not sure if the sudden sinking feeling comes from the oppressive mood or if it's from our descent continuing down to the first floor as the elevator lurches again.
Maeda's out the door before it fully opens, clearly wanting to be anywhere else. By the time our other passenger manages to roll herself over the threshold and we can step out ourselves, he's gone.
Even though we're out of the elevator, neither Saki nor Chisato seem to feel like striking up any conversation, and I just tag along feeling awkward. I'm actually relieved when we step into the cafeteria and manage to order our food.
“So,” I say, taking a seat on a blue plastic chair. “Does someone want to tell me what that was all about?”
“Not much to tell, really,” Saki answers, her tone indicating that there's plenty to tell but not she's not wanting to get into it right now. She bites into an apple to emphasize the point.
“I've seen him in class before, but I've never really spoken to him. He sure seemed to have a problem with you though.”
“Yeah,” Chisato chimes in, hoisting her bag up to the seat beside her and withdrawing what looks to be a small leather case. “Ex-boyfriends tend to do that.”
Saki closes her eyes and groans. “Chisato...”
“What?” her friend answers. “It’s not like it was a secret.”
While Saki pinches the bridge of her nose, Chisato places the parcel on the table and opens the flap, revealing an array of instruments. As with the music at the festival yesterday, there's something vaguely familiar about them, even though I can’t remember ever seeing them before. There's something that looks like an electric thermometer, and something else that, I don't know, looks like one of those tamagotchi toys I had when I was younger.
Chisato removes and tears open a small package. I'm not sure what's in the plastic, but I spent long enough in the hospital to know the sound of something sterile being opened. Once you hear it so many times, you instantly recognize it.
More interesting to me than that though, is what the two of them just said.
“Excuse me?” I say, a bit taken aback. “That guy's your ex?”
Saki shoots me a dark scowl before taking another bite of her apple, this one a bit more...vicious.
I'm not sure why I suddenly feel a bit uneasy. Maybe it's the idea of Saki herself having an ex, but it could also be my whole unfamiliarity with the subject.
I'd had a few crushes...I mean, what boy going through puberty doesn't? It's not that I was uninterested in girls or dating. It was just never a priority on my radar. But I never really even entertained the idea of a relationship until that day I got that note from Iwanako. And I was still too dense to even question what it was before she confessed to me in the snow.
And that turned out just wonderfully for all parties involved.
“Yeah,” Saki says in a regretful tone after swallowing her mouthful of food. “Not one of my better ideas.”
“Hey, it's not like it's your fault he turned into an asshole when you broke up,” Chisato reaffirms. She's taken whatever was in the package and done something with that thing that looks like a thermometer. I figure out what it is right as she places it against her finger with a loud click; I've seen enough television to recognize a diabetic testing kit. My suspicions are confirmed when she takes a small strip of paper and touches it to the bright red bead of blood and I realize I'm giving my attention to Chisato because I'm not really wanting to focus on the other subject.
“It's no big deal,” Saki explains for my benefit, obviously trying to just get through it so we can drop it. “I met him in the art club first year, we dated for a few months, it didn't work out, he's been pissed at me ever since and now I am hungry and I am done talking about Maeda.”
“He's really not all that bad,” Chisato says, playing with the buttons of the meter while Saki tears into her sandwich. “He's probably just a bit grumpier than usual from his surgery. You think he'd be happier since he's waited so long for it.” She plugs the strip into the top of the meter, which starts to beep.
“What type of surgery did he have?” I ask, staring at my own sandwich and deciding to try it. “Did it have anything to do with the bandage on the side of his head?
“He had a cochlear implant put in a few weeks before you transferred in. It was supposed to help with his tinnitus.”
Just like with Saki's condition, I recognize some of those words.
“I have no idea what those things are.”
Chisato makes a note of the display on the meter, then swiftly puts everything away with practiced motions. It seems she, like Saki, has no problem discussing the conditions of others at Yamaku.
“I don't know all the details, but it's a ringing in the ears. He had a cochlear implant put in because it's supposed to help, but I think it was kind of a last resort thing. One of the guys in our class has one. It's pretty neat, actually. It's like an artificial ear that that gets implanted under the skin and there's a headset that goes with it.”
“How are things going with you and Mitsuru, by the way?” Saki asks, her voice streaked with irritation that we're still discussing an unpleasant topic for her. The smile she gives her friend doesn't reach her eyes.
“Quite well actually, thank you for asking.”
So much for that diversionary tactic.
“Oh, hey, Saki,” I mention, not just to change the subject but also because I remember something. “You said last night you had a fishbowl in your room, right?”
“Mhm,” she mumbles, her mouth full.
“How exactly do you take care of a fish? I've never had one before, and I really have no idea what to do with the one you gave me last night. He's still just kind of sitting there in his cup. I changed the water out, but...”
She swallows quickly before answering. “Oh gosh, I was so tired at the end of the night I didn't really think about that...how much time do we have left for lunch?”
I look at my watch. “About thirty minutes.”
Saki does a quick calculation in her head. “Tell you what. I have some extra stuff in my dorm room you can have. I'll go back to grab it now, and then we can meet this evening so I can give it to you?”
“Can't we just do it after classes get out?”
She shakes her head. “After our last period I have to go straight to the music room. We're having some sort of meeting about the festival, and then we're going down into town.”
“Ah.”
“Need help?” Chisato asks, finally picking up her own sandwich.
Saki waves her off dismissively as she positions her cane to brace herself. “Nah, I'll be fine. I need the exercise anyway. I didn't wake up in time to get my swim in this morning.” She swings her legs out from under the table and stands up, grabbing the remains of her sandwich in her free hand. “Can you take care of the tray for me?” she asks.
“No problem,” Chisato answers, and gives a little wave. Saki gives a short bow and turns to leave. I watch her as she moves through the room, a little unsteady on her feet but more than capable of keeping a fairly good clip.
“I have no idea how she does it,” I ponder when she's out the door. “How can she have that much energy? I barely made it to class today.”
Chisato laughs. “She's always like that. She doesn't let much slow her down.” She takes a quick drink from her glass before continuing. “Me, I was up a lot later and I didn't eat much. What's your excuse?”
“Trying to keep up with Saki yesterday,” I answer with a smirk. This only causes Chisato to laugh even harder.
“Yeah, it can be exhausting. But you had a good time yesterday, right?”
“I did. Seems like it was just what I needed, honestly.”
“Good,” Chisato says. “By the way, thanks for keeping her company yesterday. I wanted to swing by earlier but there was just so much stuff that had to be done and nothing was going right.”
I think back to getting food at Lilly's stall and the problems she said they were facing. “Nothing goes as planned, does it?”
“Not with an event like that. Overall though, it went pretty well from what I heard.”
A thought strikes my mind as I'm watching Chisato eat. “So, you're diabetic, right? You just tested your blood sugar?”
“Mhmm,” she affirms, chewing.
“I thought whenever you did that, you had to inject yourself with insulin,” I start to say, but as soon as I finish that sentence I see Chisato shaking her head as she swallows.
“Not me, I don't have to do that. I have something a bit more direct.”
She leans back in the chair and turns sideways, lifting up her shirt above the top of her skirt. I see a black box about the size of a pack of cards clipped the waistband of the green fabric, with a display on the front and a tube snaking out of sight. She waits for me to get a good look at it before she drops her shirt back down. Now that I know what to look for, I can see the bulge it makes.
“Insulin pump,” she explains. “All I have to do is hit a button or two on it and it does all that for me.” She pats her side for emphasis. “It's a lot easier than sticking myself with a needle every time. Less painful too. I only need to put in a new needle every few days.”
“I thought diabetes had to do with what you ate,” I comment, wracking my brain for everything I know about diabetes, which admittedly isn't much.
“Sometimes, but that's usually something with type two diabetics. I'm type one,” she explains.
“I didn't even know there was more than one type.”
“Most people don't,” she says, taking another quick sip of her drink. “Type one diabetics don't produce insulin, so that's why I need the pump. Type two diabetics make it but build up resistance to it. Type one is pretty rare.”
The memories of the defibrillators along the walls along with remembering the term "diabetic coma" prompts my next question.
“So if something, uh, goes wrong, I guess...what are the people around you supposed to do?”
“Force feed me syrup,” she answers, in such a straight tone of voice that I must look stunned. “No, seriously!” she continues, insisting. “The only thing that can really go wrong like that is me passing out because I didn't get enough to eat. So I need sugar. Well, I guess I could always get a bad batch of insulin or something could go wrong with the pump, but I'd notice before it got that bad. That only happened once.”
“Seems like a lot to keep track of.”
“You get used to it. I mean, don't you take medications or vitamins or something?"
“So many that I'm amazed I don't sound like a baby rattle when I walk,” I concede with a sigh. Chisato laughs and continues to eat.
We make some small talk between various food items, and the rest of the lunch period passes by quickly. We deposit our trash in the can, placing our trays – and Saki's – on the small counter next to it.
“You know,” Chisato says as we make our way back out of the cafeteria and back into the hallway, “We're going into town today, but Saki and I were going to go into the city later this week. We had a few things to do, and I think she needed to pick up some things for her fish tank. You want to come with?”
“Huh, I hadn't thought of that. I just assumed I could get what I needed down in town.”
“Nope. The Aura Mart sells some cat and dog food, but nothing for fish. You have to go to the city for that.”
Well, it could be a nice chance to explore. And besides, I don't think I would object to spending some more time with these two. I enjoyed spending much of the first week and festival around them, after all.
“Alright. Just let me know what day.”
It's interesting to analyze the strange mix of emotions that flood through me when I say that. I'm surprised that I said it in the first place, as I've always tended to be a little introverted. There's a feeling of relief that I said it, and also a realization I genuinely am looking forward to it.
I've always been the type of person that has to focus on something in the future to keep me oriented. It can be something as far out as Christmas, or something as soon as the next day. And now that I have something happening in a few days, getting to that point is all the much easier.
That's one of the things that just absolutely crushed me in the hospital. There were milestones in my recovery, for sure...but it can be hard to appreciate them in the moment. I think the only thing I ever really looked forward to in the hospital was the meatloaf on Thursdays.
I push those thoughts out of my head to save both my sanity and my gag reflex.
“We'll let you know when we figure it out!” Chisato says cheerily, starting to pick up her pace to outdistance my leisurely one. From the speed at which she moves, it's clear she wants to make one or two more stops before going back to class. I watch her retreating back, my eyes drawn to the slight bump at her right hip.
“Oh!” she starts, turning around to face me after a few steps, while still continuing in the same direction. “Don't keep Saki too long today.” She gives me a wink.
“She's only giving me a bag of stuff, how long could that take?”
“Hmmm, who knows?” she answers, flashing me a sly grin and lowering her voice. “Maybe she'll want to help you set it up.”
I stop and just stare at Chisato. My reaction seems to be the one she wanted to see, because she winks again and turns away with another laugh. She practically jogs down the hallway and turns at the end of it, leaving me standing there rubbing by temples.
“Great,” I mutter to myself. “Here we go again.”
It seems obvious that both Chisato and Saki like to tease everyone, including each other. Shizune seems to do this too, but unlike with her, there doesn't seem to be any type of challenging zeal or competition to it. It's not exactly annoying, but it's quickly becoming one of those quirky things you realize you're just going to have to put up with if you want to be friends with that person.
And yet, as I reach the staircase and start to make my ascent to my classroom, that strange mix of apprehension and excitement doesn't exactly get weaker after what Chisato said.
Pop quiz tomorrow. Focus on that instead. Study for that tonight.
And if that doesn't work, there's always a cold shower.
Did you mean that showed up perhaps?At least the rest of the class that's showed up looks as anemic ...
Line 70, first page :I don't even have to ask if you enjoyed he festival ...
Line 12, second page :He glances at the door and gives a waek, cursory smile ...
...us?You're welcome to come with.
Line 23, second page :One is a petite girl with long red haired seated in a wheelchair ...
Line 57, second page :He turns to face the elevator doors as they close, effectively cutting us off with is body language.
staring perhaps?I ask, stareing at my own sandwich and deciding to try it.
Keep the updates coming!!Me, I was up a lot later and I didn't eat much. What's you're excuse?
All the time until lunch? No other subjects that morning?You can spend the time before lunch reviewing...
And even continuing after lunch? They can't have only science lessons all day...We'll do some oral review after lunch ...
"lack of"?I'm never one of the first ones out due to my proximity to the door.
ManyI get the feeling his subject of studies isn't appreciated by much of his students.
Tamagochione of those Tomagotchi toys
With this "we" you suddenly address the readers...We all know how well that turned out.
Wow, that's a lot more gremlins than I usually let get by me. Going back to fix accordingly.Thranduil_01 wrote:Aww yeah, new update!! Great job by the way on the new chapter.
Just caught some possible mistakes while reading. I'm not trying to doubt your evidently superior writing skills of course...
In line 9, first page :Did you mean that showed up perhaps?At least the rest of the class that's showed up looks as anemic ...
Line 51, first page :Line 70, first page :I don't even have to ask if you enjoyed he festival ...Line 12, second page :He glances at the door and gives a waek, cursory smile ......us?You're welcome to come with.
Line 15, second page :Line 23, second page :One is a petite girl with long red haired seated in a wheelchair ...Line 57, second page :He turns to face the elevator doors as they close, effectively cutting us off with is body language.staring perhaps?I ask, stareing at my own sandwich and deciding to try it.
Line 84, second page :Keep the updates coming!!Me, I was up a lot later and I didn't eat much. What's you're excuse?
Went back and fixed some of the errors. Others, such as "We all know how that turned out" isn't breaking the fourth wall, but more a bit of internal monologue. If the juxtaposition remains that jarring I can go back and change it.Mirage_GSM wrote:It's nice to see this continued. Good chapter.
A few comments:All the time until lunch? No other subjects that morning?You can spend the time before lunch reviewing...And even continuing after lunch? They can't have only science lessons all day...We'll do some oral review after lunch ..."lack of"?I'm never one of the first ones out due to my proximity to the door.ManyI get the feeling his subject of studies isn't appreciated by much of his students.Tamagochione of those Tomagotchi toysWith this "we" you suddenly address the readers...We all know how well that turned out.
@Thranduil:
I think line numbers are a bit dependent on monitor size and resolution...
"That's" can also be short for "that has" which is correct in the context.
"You're welcome to come with." is a bit informal but apparently acceptable.
Actually in Japan classes stay in the same room while teachers go between rooms for various classes. (That was an unusual concept for me, because we had to change rooms almost every hour when I was at school.Regarding the classes, this has always confused me about the VN. I know that japanese classes don't all take place in one classroom for the day and instead switch around, however in the VN I seem to remember there being instances where the class let out to lunch, or got back from lunch, or let out for the day specifically from Mutou's class. I can't think of any specific actions due to me not having the time to replay all the different routes, but I do remember it striking me as very odd on the initial playthrough. I had just always assumed it was a bit of creative liberty that the devs chose to incorporate since we never hear Hisao mention other classes, teachers, or students not in Class 3-3, not to mention the blind and deaf classes probably don't shift around as they're specifically referred to as "the blind and deaf" classes.
Alright, that makes more sense. I'll rerwrite that segment accordingly, although it may take a day or two to get it where I want it.Mirage_GSM wrote:Actually in Japan classes stay in the same room while teachers go between rooms for various classes. (That was an unusual concept for me, because we had to change rooms almost every hour when I was at school.Regarding the classes, this has always confused me about the VN. I know that japanese classes don't all take place in one classroom for the day and instead switch around, however in the VN I seem to remember there being instances where the class let out to lunch, or got back from lunch, or let out for the day specifically from Mutou's class. I can't think of any specific actions due to me not having the time to replay all the different routes, but I do remember it striking me as very odd on the initial playthrough. I had just always assumed it was a bit of creative liberty that the devs chose to incorporate since we never hear Hisao mention other classes, teachers, or students not in Class 3-3, not to mention the blind and deaf classes probably don't shift around as they're specifically referred to as "the blind and deaf" classes.
In the VN there is a simple reason most classes are shown to be Mutou's: Adding other teachers would have required additional ressources (i.e. Sprites) to be created.
Other teachers are mentioned in the VN, though not by name. I remember Hisao reffering to "the English teacher" at the beginning of Rin's second Act (since I'm working on that scene at the moment) That would be Miss Miyagi who is also Lilly's homeroom teacher.
Does it mean we can now play ninja wizard barbarians if we take enough physical penalties?Eurobeatjester wrote:Updated the chapter to reflect the changes to the class system. Whoops