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Well, right now, you're not hiding in our room. That's a huge step up from last year, and the year before that don't you think?" I gently rub my thumb across her cheek til she finally looks me in the eye. "You're getting better all the time, and that's great.

This came off to me as pretty condescending. I don't think I would ever want the attention on "wow I was such a royal fuckup a year ago, huh" if I was miss Hanako. I think that having her not mention it or not want to talk about it would be more realistic instead of relying on trying to make the reader feel good about her getting better every single chapter. It makes for more suspense as well instead of just a linear upward slope.

Besides that, pretty cool and don't forget the porn

Brogurt wrote:

Well, right now, you're not hiding in our room. That's a huge step up from last year, and the year before that don't you think?" I gently rub my thumb across her cheek til she finally looks me in the eye. "You're getting better all the time, and that's great.

This came off to me as pretty condescending. I don't think I would ever want the attention on "wow I was such a royal fuckup a year ago, huh" if I was miss Hanako. I think that having her not mention it or not want to talk about it would be more realistic instead of relying on trying to make the reader feel good about her getting better every single chapter. It makes for more suspense as well instead of just a linear upward slope.

Besides that, pretty cool and don't forget the porn

You make a good point. Let me see if I can phrase that better.

And nope, no porn from me. It'd probably end up sounding silly.

pandaphil wrote:And nope, no porn from me. It'd probably end up sounding silly.

Good. I seriously doubt porn would end up working in a story like this anyhow (as I've said in previous PMs).

...Honestly it doesn't really work anywhere, at least for me. There's something inherently un-sexy about reading a description of sex as a third party. At least for me. But that's neither here nor there.

Besides, Guest Poster already wrote what I think is the definitive Hanako sex scene. Several in fact. Anything I came up with would just be a pale imitation.

That shouldn't really stop you from trying. Sex scenes can be as diverse as any other scene. They can be funny and awkward (Emi's shed scene), romantic (Lilly's first), dramatic (Hanako's first time) or silly.

That said, they're also the scenes I often get stuck at. They're very tough to write. One reason is that you can't rely on dialogue to advance them. That makes them harder than the average conversation scene. You also have to choose your words more carefully to avoid them sounding overly cheesy or vulgar. But you could see it as a challenge.

Despite the fact that they're tough to write, sex is a part of a relationship and if Hisao and Hanako have been going out for some time, it makes sense they develop a sex life at some point. What you could try (if you haven't already) is to do a fade-out once they get going and leave the rest to the imagination of the reader.

Okay, I made the changes you suggest Brogurt. I hope they work.

Guest Poster wrote:That shouldn't really stop you from trying. Sex scenes can be as diverse as any other scene. They can be funny and awkward (Emi's shed scene), romantic (Lilly's first), dramatic (Hanako's first time) or silly.

That said, they're also the scenes I often get stuck at. They're very tough to write. One reason is that you can't rely on dialogue to advance them. That makes them harder than the average conversation scene. You also have to choose your words more carefully to avoid them sounding overly cheesy or vulgar. But you could see it as a challenge.

Despite the fact that they're tough to write, sex is a part of a relationship and if Hisao and Hanako have been going out for some time, it makes sense they develop a sex life at some point. What you could try (if you haven't already) is to do a fade-out once they get going and leave the rest to the imagination of the reader.

Thanks so much for your encouragement. I've always respected your opinion when it comes to Hanako.

You're right about Hanako having a sex life. Depriving her of one just because I'm uncomfortable with the idea is unfair to her as a character, and its just me mentally trying to 'protect' her.

You're last suggestion is really what I do in this chapter. They both talk about plans for 'later tonight' so readers can fill in their own details. I rather imagine it's a lot like their love life in your story prior to the hotel room. Lots of rubbing and stroking each other to climax rather than actual sex. something my Hanako is still shy about.

I've got so many ideas as to why she might be uneasy about sex. She's just naturally a little prudish about it, or she doesn't think she's ready. Maybe she has scarring that makes sex painful for her. Or even the possibility that she was traumatized by an instructor at the orphanage who tried to molest her.


If I did do one, it would probably be a stand alone. Either she'd walk in on Hisao in the shower, or she'd turn up naked for her morning lotion application. Either way, it would be her making the first move.

Regardless of what anyone here says, you should not feel obligated to write anything you're not comfortable with.
As a writer my position on sex scenes is: I don't write them.
Regardless of whether the characters have a sex life or not, the closest I've ever come to describing a sex scene is a character leaving the room afterwards or a character hinting at comprehensive knowledge of his partner's body.
Your readers don't have a right to sex scenes, nor are they* usually absolutely neccessary. For the purpose of most stories it is sufficient to tell the reader IF the characters have sex or not. Describing the scenes is optional.

*the scenes, not the readers - ideally you should have at least a few of the latter...

I can't describe one even if you point a gun to my head. To me, broad hints that the characters got it on will do.

pandaphil wrote:If I did do one, it would probably be a stand alone. Either she'd walk in on Hisao in the shower, or she'd turn up naked for her morning lotion application. Either way, it would be her making the first move.

Just like their first time
Because it seems in Hanako's route Hisao is especially dense to the wants of his girlfriend. XD Including those wants as well.

Although why is it for some reason I can actually see (once she gets used to sex) Hanako being much more dominant in the bedroom than she is in public? (the phrase "Shut the hell up and do me" comes to mind )

Although why is it for some reason I can actually see (once she gets used to sex) Hanako being much more dominant in the bedroom than she is in public? (the phrase "Shut the hell up and do me" comes to mind )

Dunno. Why? Certainly not based on Hanako's assertiveness as shown in the game. Getting comfortable with the act and getting outright dominant are two entirely different things and the presence of one doesn't necessarily indicate the presence of the other. I think the phrase "Shut the hell up and do me" remains somewhat reserved for girls to whom assertiveness is a natural trait such as Emi or Shizune.

Guest Poster wrote:

Although why is it for some reason I can actually see (once she gets used to sex) Hanako being much more dominant in the bedroom than she is in public? (the phrase "Shut the hell up and do me" comes to mind )

Dunno. Why? Certainly not based on Hanako's assertiveness as shown in the game. Getting comfortable with the act and getting outright dominant are two entirely different things and the presence of one doesn't necessarily indicate the presence of the other. I think the phrase "Shut the hell up and do me" remains somewhat reserved for girls to whom assertiveness is a natural trait such as Emi or Shizune.

Hanako can be assertive/dominant. However the only time we're ever shown that is her "Brutal Honesty Rage"-mode in her Bad End. So who knows if Hanako's more dominant side could ever come out when she's not royally pissed off at Hisao?

She wasn't dominant in her bad end though, nor did she calmly and assertively put Hisao in his place. She simply felt cornered and miserable and frustrated and as a result had a major freakout. Dominance and assertiveness require being in control of the situation. "In control" was probably the worst way to describe Hanako's position in that scene. If she was, she wouldn't have looked so thoroughly defeated the moment Hisao turned around and fled the room. Her lashing out doesn't really mean she's secretly assertive. It just means she has a breaking point that was ultimately reached. People who ARE assertive tend to avoid lashing out at others because they stand up for themselves long before the pressure valve is ready to burst.

Exactly. An assertive person lets you know right away when theres a problem. People with self esteem issues often simply sit on their feelings of anger and frustration until eventually, someone says the wrong thing, or is in the wrong place and like an overloaded pressure cooker, the person just explodes, and all those negative emotions come bursting out.

Steinherz wrote:

Guest Poster wrote:

Although why is it for some reason I can actually see (once she gets used to sex) Hanako being much more dominant in the bedroom than she is in public? (the phrase "Shut the hell up and do me" comes to mind )

Dunno. Why? Certainly not based on Hanako's assertiveness as shown in the game. Getting comfortable with the act and getting outright dominant are two entirely different things and the presence of one doesn't necessarily indicate the presence of the other. I think the phrase "Shut the hell up and do me" remains somewhat reserved for girls to whom assertiveness is a natural trait such as Emi or Shizune.

Hanako can be assertive/dominant. However the only time we're ever shown that is her "Brutal Honesty Rage"-mode in her Bad End. So who knows if Hanako's more dominant side could ever come out when she's not royally pissed off at Hisao?

Pretty much. I think someone who's been bullied and tormented most of her life like she has would want to avoid anger and hostility whenever possible, unless she was pushed to the absolute brink. And the only way I can see her becoming sexually aggressive is after her bad end, or an ending where she doesn't meet Hisao, or is abandoned by Lilly. I could see her growing up to be a bitter person who feels she's been betrayed by everyone and learns to enjoy dominating other people as a way to get back at all the people who've treated her like crap.

But with our Hanako, I think her idea of being aggressive sexually would be more like rubbing against her partner in bed, or sneaking up behind, hugging them, and kissing and nibbling their ear. More trying to get her partner in the mood to initiate rather than actually coming out and saying she wants it.

Yeah, think that after a while Hanako will get more confident with Hisao, and accept that he does find her very appealing. I can see massages, and maybe sharing a shower after Hisao has had a run. And cuddling. Hanako definitly seems like the sort who'd cuddle, once she gets past being afraid her scarring would make it a turn off. No anal, as stated, but foreplay for sure.

We've all been focusing on what Hisao is going to get Hanako. But this is meant to be a anneversery party, so wouldn't Hanako be getting Hisao something? I wonder what?

Negativedarke wrote: We've all been focusing on what Hisao is going to get Hanako. But this is meant to be a anniversary party, so wouldn't Hanako be getting Hisao something? I wonder what?

Nudge, nudge.

She turns her head to face me. "A-Almost. Lilly w-wants to go into the city to shop tomorrow."

"Oh? Gonna buy a dress?"

Hanako shakes her head. "That's a secret."