Katawa Shoujo Forums

“Hello?”

“Hey Mom, it’s me.”

“Oh, Natsume - I wasn’t expecting you to call so early!” I can hear a few muffled sounds in the background, and gather that she’s probably in the middle of something.

“Yeah, sorry, I just... I just thought of something, and figured I should call you about it.” That’s a bit of a lie - I was up early this morning, and came up with this idea during breakfast. But calling that early might seem impatient, so I waited until later in the day.

“Oh? What is it?”

“I was thinking about our conversation yesterday. And I thought of a compromise that might work for both of us.”

“Oh...” She pauses, and I can tell she’s not particularly interested. ”Okay, what were you thinking?”

“Well, like I said, I do want to come home and see you all, but I felt bad about leaving my friends behind. But then I realized that I could just bring one of them with me!”

“Natsume, no.”

“Wha- Why not?”

She sighs. “A lot of planning goes into these things. It’s just too late for me to try and accommodate another person.”

I know for a fact that’s not true. “It’s fine, we don’t need... I mean, she can sleep in my room, and she doesn’t eat much anyways, and there’s plenty of space in dad’s car, so-”

“And doesn’t ‘she’ have a family, hmm?”

“They’re all working over the holidays, so she’d be stuck in the dorms otherwise.”

“Look, Natsume, I’m not running a home for neglected children here. It’s tough enough-”

I gasp. “Mom, she is not a ‘neglected child’, she can handle herself!”

“Then why should I have to take care of her, hmm?”

“Because she’s my friend!”

“Natsume, everyone in this house has friends. We do not have room for them all.”

I groan. “And if it’s really so crowded, then why do you keep insisting on me coming home? Why is she so much trouble, and I’m not?”

“Because she is a stranger, and you are family, Natsume!”

“Well, I- Mom, sometimes I-” A few heartbeats press on the inside of my head. “Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t!”

Part of me swears I can feel my mother recoiling on the other end, but my phone doesn’t make a sound until I snap it shut.

The room is unbearably quiet for a few seconds before my phone rings again. I quickly set it to silent, then toss it onto my desk and get up. I need to talk to Naomi about this. She’ll know what to say to make me laugh, or calm me down, or just... make it better.

I throw open my door, step across the hall, and knock loudly on her door. After a moment with no reply, I try again, but still to no avail. Maybe she’s in the common room.

I huff and storm down the hallway. My knuckles hurt from knocking that hard - it’s not too bad, but it helps keep me angry, which is what I want right now, for better or worse.

Unfortunately, Naomi is nowhere to be seen, and I’m about to give up on my search when I spot Rika and Saki talking on one of the common room couches.

“Hey, have either of you seen Naomi?”

Saki nods, and Rika motions towards the door. “Yeah, she went out a few minutes ago to get something from the cafeteria.” I guess it is about time for lunch. “Why, did you need her for something?”

I grumble. “Yeah. I’m pissed, and figured I could vent to her about it.”

“About what?”

Well, I suppose I don’t have anything else to do until she gets back, so maybe talking to these two would help. “It’s my mom again, same as last night. I thought I could convince her to let Naomi come over with me instead, but nooooo, we couldn’t accommodate her, she’s not part of the family, and...” I groan. “God forbid I wanted to have fun over the break for once.”

I’m expecting some simple commiserations, but instead Rika just looks over at Saki, who returns the glance before speaking in her usual calm tone. “Well, keep in mind, our offer is still open.”

“Offer? What offer?”

“Coming with us on vacation.”

I’m confused. “Naomi already said she wasn’t interested, didn’t she?”

“Well, yes, but she might be more interested if both of you came along.”

“Both of... No, that’s what I was saying yesterday, I can’t go anywhere because my family wants me back home for the break.”

Rika grins devilishly, but Saki’s smile is softer, if still a bit knowing. “Well, just because it’s what they want doesn’t mean you have to do it, you know.”

It takes a little bit for me to comprehend what she’s getting at, but once I do, it feels like I’ve blasted through the walls of a bank vault full of new and interesting ideas. A hint of reservation remains, but is quickly silenced by the anger left over from earlier. I’m 18, and if I want to go have fun with my friends over winter break, then why not?

My rebellious mental tirade is interrupted by Naomi walking through the front door from outside. Since we’re on break now, she’s ditched the school uniform for a pair of jeans and a light green hoodie, zipped all the way up to her neck in an attempt to keep the cold out.

She smiles when she sees me, then comes over and hands me a small package - some kind of nutty bar from the cafeteria. “I thought you might be getting hungry by now.” I’m still reeling from my earlier thoughts, and she notices. “Is something up?”

If there were any doubt left in my mind, it’s been blown away. I turn to Saki. “When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning.” Perfect, that’s before my dad would get here. With only one question remaining, I turn back to Naomi.

“How fast can you pack your bags?”

Despite coming out on this trip to have fun, I still can’t shake the spectre of my family’s expectations. I’ve spent this whole train ride with one hand in my pocket, fiddling with my phone, afraid to check it. Only now, with a few minutes until we reach our station, do I finally take it out and flip it open.

Nothing new, as expected, since my dad won’t have gotten to Yamaku yet. Some missed calls from my mom yesterday, but she gave up after the first few times I didn’t answer. She probably figured that it wasn’t worth it, since I’d be coming home the next day anyways.

Over the course of last night, I realized that as much as I was angry at my family, I probably shouldn’t disappear without a trace - that kind of stuff is how the police get involved. In an attempt to avoid that, I left a note on my door explaining that I had gone on a trip with my friends, and that I’d be back in a few days.

It’s still going to suck for my dad - he’ll be arriving at Yamaku any time now, after a long drive, only to find out that I’m not there. He doesn’t deserve that, and I wish I could save him the trouble, but I know that if I tried to tell him he’d just show up even sooner. I’ll just have to accept that.

By now it’s probably late enough that I can say something. I start a new message to my brother, who I figure will have to be the intermediary for all of this. Again, not a role he deserves to be burdened with, but one that I’m putting him in regardless.

[Hey. I’m not coming home for the break.]

[Really? You managed to convince Mom?]

[No, I left this morning with some friends without telling Mom or Dad. We’re taking the train to an inn a few towns over.] On one hand, the last thing I want is for my family to come find me while I’m trying to have a vacation. On the other, I don’t want to disappear without a trace, just in case something does happen while we’re out here. I figure texting my brother, paired with the note I left, is a good compromise. Sort of.

He takes a minute to respond - it’s probably a lot to take in. And maybe he’s breaking the news to Mom. [Ha! I didn’t think you had it in you. Don’t tell Mom I said this, but I’m proud of you.] As always, he knows exactly how to calm my nerves.

[Thanks. Hopefully I can use this time to relax for once.]

[Exactly! Take a load off.]

[Tell Dad that I’m sorry he had to drive all that way, okay? I didn’t want him to worry.]

[I’m sure he’ll understand. That said, you could’ve told me a bit earlier :P ]

[I didn’t want it to weigh on you.]

[You’re too kind.] He knows that’s not the only reason, but it’s okay.

[Let me know how they take it. And thanks for being there for me.]

[Anytime. Love you.]

[You too.]

We finish that conversation just in time, as the voice over the speakers announces our stop is coming up, so we grab our bags and head for the nearest set of doors. Well, everyone else grabs their bags - Naomi elected to carry mine for me. I’m thankful for it, but she probably barely even notices: I fit everything into a backpack, while she insisted on bringing a duffel bag full of... whatever it is she has in there.

The station is clearly rather old, albeit in good condition. As we step out onto the sidewalk, however, Saki breaks the bad news: “Given the size of this town, there’s not really much transport. We could call a taxi, but the inn is so close that it would probably be faster just to walk.” She looks at me. “Sorry.”

I wave her off. “Don’t worry about it - if Naomi can make it with that massive bag, I’m sure I can manage.” We laugh, then fall into line behind Saki, who leads the way through the chilly winter air. If anything, I was worried about how she’d take the walk, given that she uses a cane, but she seems more than capable, mostly using it to hold up the weight of her bag.

Luckily, the walk really doesn’t take too long, especially since we spend it chatting. We share little anecdotes about teachers, grades, classmates, and whatever else comes to mind. Nobody mentions my family, and I’m thankful for it. Soon enough, we arrive at a quaint little inn, step inside, and find...

... nobody. The place is empty.

“Hello~?” Rika calls, and a loud thump answers her, followed by a pained wail. Moments later, a woman in a qipao gets up from underneath the front desk, one hand rubbing the back of her head.

Naomi and I freeze for a moment, then exclaim “Yuuko‽” in unison.

Sure enough, the glasses-wearing librarian/waitress recognizes our party. “Oh, Enomoto! And, uh, Katayama! And, ah, um...” She suddenly throws her head down towards the desk in a deep bow, surprising us. “I’m so sorry, I forgot your names! I know you’re the newspaper girls, but...”

Naomi laughs. “The newspaper girls, huh? I like it!”

“Yeah - finally, some respect!” I smile at Yuuko. “I’m Ooe, and she’s Inoue.”

“Ooe... Inoue...” She presses one hand to her temple, trying to push our names into her brain. It’s not that big a deal - we barely ever use the library, or visit the Shanghai, but I guess she takes pride in knowing everyone’s name.

“More importantly,” Naomi continues, “what are you doing here?”

“Oh, me? Yamaku’s library and the Shanghai are closed over the break, since most of the students are out of town. I figured I could use this time to make a bit more money. Can always use a bit more...” She chuckles nervously.

“Yeah, but why here? How did you find a job so far from Yamaku?”

“It’s, ah, it’s actually thanks to Enomoto: I met her uncle when he visited Yamaku once. He mentioned the need for extra staff over the busy winter holidays, and it seemed like the perfect job for me!” She looks down briefly. “Even if the uniform is a bit... unusual.”

Saki picks her bag up again. “Right, well, I suppose we should get to our rooms.”

“Oh, oh, right, sorry! I’ll show you to them right away, let me just-” she searches through some of the items on the desk, then grabs a few to take with her. She starts down one of the hallways, and we follow her for a moment before she gasps and turns back to us. “Sorry, sorry, I should take your bags! Here, let me just, um...” She takes Rika and Saki’s bags from them, then looks at Naomi.

“I’ve got these, it’s fine.”

“Okay, if you’re sure! Follow me, then!” I can see her struggle a little with one bag in each hand, and fail to imagine how she could possibly manage Naomi’s monstrous duffel bag.

We eventually arrive at a pair of doors near the end of the hall, on the left, and Yuuko puts the bags down and takes a breath. “Alright, you’ve got these two rooms. I only set up one futon in each of them, though, since I thought there would only be two of you...”

Saki smiles with a sort of graceful sheepishness. “Sorry, our plans changed at the last minute. Do you have any spares?”

“Ah, yes, there’s another in each of the closets. I’ll get them out for you, just let me-”

Saki swiftly brings up her cane to block Yuuko from entering the nearest room, though her smile never falters. “Don’t worry, we’ll set them up ourselves.”

“A-Ah, right, yes. Well, everything else should be set up for you - feel free to get yourselves settled in, and I’ll be at the front desk if you need me!”

As Yuuko walks away, Rika leans over and whispers to Saki. “Do you have to do that? It’s creepy as hell.”

“I’m simply saving the poor woman from herself. Anyways! Naomi, Natsume, you two can share that room, and Rika and I will take this one. Sound good?”

We nod in agreement, and head into our room, which looks quite nice. It’s probably not particularly big by most standards, but it’s bigger than our dorm rooms combined, so we can’t complain.

Naomi puts our bags down and sighs in relief. “It feels good to finally be here.” She heads over to the closet, and begins looking through it for the extra futon.

“Yeah - like we can finally relax.” Come to think of it, I haven’t thought about my family since we got off the train. I decide not to check my phone yet.

She lays the second futon out on the floor next to the one already there, and it becomes apparent that the spare is much smaller. “You want the big one?”

I shrug. “Nah, I’m fine with either.”

“You sure?”

“Go ahead. You carried my bag, after all.”

“Suit yourself.” She drags her bag over next to the big futon, opens it up, and begins to pull out a few things.

After a bit of unpacking, we hear Rika and Saki’s voices coming from outside, and decide to check out the door at the far end of the room - only to find a hot spring bath, just like I had imagined.

“Woah.” The steam slowly wisping off the surface gives it an almost surreal appearance, despite the very mundane flat stone pavement surrounding it.

Rika smiles. “Great, huh? And we have it all to ourselves!”

“Wait, really?” I look around, and sure enough, there are only two doors leading here, each attached to one of the rooms we have. “Saki, this place is incredible.”

“Don’t say a thing until you’ve actually gotten in. Speaking of which, shall we give it a go?”

We all agree, and head excitedly back into our respective rooms to change. Naomi grabs two towels from the bathroom, tosses me one, and starts...

undressing.

She tosses her light green sweater onto the floor first, revealing a white shirt with a big red heart on the front, then unbuttons her jeans - a darker pair than yesterday - and hooks her thumbs around the beltline, pulling them down and-

I turn around and pretend to fiddle with the towel. I asked, yesterday, whether I should bring a swimsuit, and was told that this was a ‘proper’ hot spring; besides, we’re all friends here.

Right.

It’s different this time. I can’t hear my heartbeat, but my stomach feels worse. My fingers constantly lose their place as I fold the towel one way, then another, then unfold it all again. Even turned the other way, I feel like I can see her behind me, replaying the same few milliseconds over and over. It only stops when a hand grabs my shoulder, and I jump in surprise.

“You okay? You’re taking your time, even for you.”

I turn around slowly, and see Naomi smirking at me, now wrapped in only a towel. My eyes flick down from her mouth to her bare shoulders for a second, before fixating themselves carefully on the bridge of her nose, in an attempt to look normal. “Uh, yeah, I’m fine.”

Her grin disappears. “You sure?” It’s not working.

“Yeah, I just, uh...” I fake a quick smile. “Maybe I shouldn’t get in the springs.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know, I’m just kinda... Well, I mean, like you said, maybe something’s up, or something.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Come on, you seemed really interested in getting to try it!”

“Well, yeah, I did, but I- I might join you later. We’ll see.”

That seems to do the trick. “Okay, I guess.” I watch as she heads for the door, then turns around again. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Seriously, I mean it. Come get me if I can help.”

“Got it.” Part of me considers saying something, but before I know it Naomi is gone, closing the door behind her. With the room now completely silent, I can hear their voices from outside, joking and laughing as my best friend steps slowly into the soothing spring water.

Rika and Naomi watch the empty road intently, while Saki and I relax in some of the chairs outside the front entrance to the inn, all four of us wearing jackets in an attempt to combat the winter weather.

Over a limited but tasty breakfast this morning, Saki suggested that we head over to the shopping center nearby. Well, ‘nearby’ - it’s far away enough that we have to call a taxi. And so we’re out here waiting, having waved goodbye to Yuuko at the front desk.

I absentmindedly check my phone to try and pass the time. Still 5 missed calls and 2 unread messages from my parents - nothing new since last night. Whatever my brother told them must have worked, at least for now. I should respond to them... eventually. Maybe.

But not right now; Rika exclaims “Finally!” as a blotch of yellow rounds the corner. “I call shotgun!”

Saki and I get up, and she sighs. “Rika, this is the futon deal all over again. The people who need the most legroom should have the front seat. Right, Natsume?”

She’s clearly offering me the position, since I’m the tallest of our little group, but I just shrug. “I don’t mind - and actually, I let Naomi have the big futon.”

“Is that so?” She shrugs in return. “I guess I’ll take the front seat for myself, then.”

Rika pouts. “Fine, but I’m not going in the middle.”

Declining Saki’s offer was almost instinctual for me, but as the taxi driver beckons us over and we open the doors, I realize just how cramped the rear seats are going to be: it’s not a particularly big car. Rika gets in first, sliding over to the far side, before Naomi steps in, claiming the middle seat. As I sit down next to her, I almost wonder whether I’ll be able to get the door closed, but a bit of shuffling from the three of us leaves enough room.

As we all get situated in the back, and Saki talks to the driver up front, I realize that even if I lean against the door, my right side remains firmly in contact with Naomi. It’s not uncomfortable, just...

I look over at her, and she smiles, clearly excited about the journey. I smile back, but then turn to my left and try to focus on the scenery outside, which slowly begins to move as we pull away from the curb. No matter how hard I try, however, I can't stop myself from noticing Naomi pressed against me. It’s not like lying in bed or leaning against a pillow - her outline isn’t uniform, and although she gives way in some places, others are hard and bony.

Still, I decide that there’s nothing to be done about it - I’ll just have to wait until we get there, and try not to think about it too much in the meantime.

Once we do arrive at the mall, we’re greeted by an overabundance of holiday decorations, framing a sizeable collection of stores - it’s not exactly huge, but it’s far bigger than I was expecting given its proximity to the small countryside inn we’re staying at.

I’m not one of those people who enjoys shopping for the sake of it, but even I can enjoy walking around with the other three, ducking in and out of various stores, mostly finding things that we’d never actually want to buy but are fun to talk about anyways. This is what I really wanted from my holiday vacation - screw the hot spring.

We get lunch from one of the fast food places relatively late, since we all slept in this morning, but once we’re done Naomi drags me to the clothing section of one of the larger stores. She rifles through racks and racks of tops and skirts and jackets, and I mostly provide idle commentary, content with my wardrobe as is, no matter how much she says I’d look good in this or that.

Having accumulated a pile of things she’s interested in, however, she heads for the changing rooms in the back; they’re a simple affair, only two booths with what are probably shower curtains mounted over their entrances, each with a long mirror mounted to one wall. I take a seat outside, and prepare for a long wait: it’ll take her at least ten minutes to try on everything in that pile she had.

To my surprise, she comes out after only half a minute or so - wearing different clothes. “Okay, what do you think?”

“Huh?”

“The outfit, Natsu, what’s it like?”

“It’s...” She’s got a dark blue, knee-length skirt, topped by a bright red sweater that looks a little big on her. I shrug. “It’s an outfit.”

She groans. “Yeah, but how is it? Do the colors work? Is it comfy, or too conservative?”

“I mean, I guess it’s... cute?” The sweater really does look cute, poofing up around her a bit. Still, she continues her expectant stare, hoping for a bit more detail. “Look, you know I’m not good at this stuff! I think it looks good on you, what more do you want?”

She rubs her chin with one hand. “This will be harder than I thought. But I have plenty more to try!” She ducks back into the changing booth and pulls the curtain closed, but calls out to me from the other side. “Mark my words, Ooe, I’m going to make an outfit even you can like!”

“I already liked that one!”

“I mean really like! Something that’ll blow you away!”

I sigh, and try to get comfortable in my seat.

In truth, it’s not that bad - I do actually enjoy seeing Naomi in all these different clothes, though she never seems to be content with my reaction. I try using some more specific language, talking about how vibrant that orange is, but it doesn’t really help. There are some outfits that I think suit her better - I like the way they look on her thighs, or her hips, or her shoulders - but it feels weird to bring up her body when she’s trying to focus on the clothes. And so her search continues.

“Alright, this one is sure to be a winner. Prepare yourself!”

“Mmhmm.” I’m no more convinced this time than the last few. She throws back the curtain, and-

All I can see is skin.

“Gah!” I instinctively cover my eyes with one arm.

“O-kay. Not the reaction I was looking for.”

Having regained some composure, I slowly peek out from behind my arm, and realize that she’s wearing a white bikini, with red and green dots painted on the fabric. Can’t blame myself for that reaction, though - it really doesn’t cover much more than it needs to. “Sorry, I thought you came out in just your underwear or something.”

“Ha! Yeah, it’s definitely a bit, uh... small.” She tugs at the top a little, and I instinctively look away again. I swear this girl’s trying to give me a heart attack.

“Why are you trying on a swimsuit, anyways? It’s December!”

“Well, yeah, but it helps remind me of summer. Especially with this pattern: it looks like watermelon!”

She points at the dots on the top, and while I see what she’s saying, I also find it difficult to focus on the design - like before, I keep seeing detail in her body, not the clothes. Especially now, with such a clear view of her chest, and her midriff, and the side of her legs as they meet her hips...

It’s happening again. I can’t catch a break.

I yawn, hoping it’ll make me look natural. “Yeah, I g-guess it is kind of summer-y.”

“Any other thoughts?”

“It looks really... I mean, I guess, I’m more used to one-piece swimsuits?”

“Pssh, yeah right. I’ll take all the help I can get!” She does a little pose, and this time I have trouble looking away. I laugh at her joke, without really getting it. Satisfied with my appraisal, she turns around and heads back into the changing booth - but not before I see her back, bare save for the strings of her top. Even after the curtain closes, I feel like I can still see it.

Luckily for me, she doesn’t try on too many more outfits, and none of them are anywhere near as revealing. Still, I see the ghost of her body in each of them - even once Naomi changes back into her original jeans and jacket, I almost feel like I can still see her skin and those watermelon-colored dots if I look hard enough.

She buys a few of the items she tried on, which will somehow have to fit in that duffel bag of hers, and we meet up with Saki and Rika again - the former is impressed with some of Naomi’s purchases, and it makes me wonder why Naomi took me along with her. Surely Saki would’ve been able to provide better feedback?

Regardless, after wandering around a bit more, and admiring the large-but-reasonable Christmas tree set up at one end of the mall, we decide to head home, in part because we know it will only get colder as the night rolls in. And so, after another cramped taxi ride, which I spend looking out the window again, we end up back at the inn, walking past Yuuko again - I hope she hasn’t been sitting there all day.

With more than an hour left until dinner, the girls decide to go for a dip in the hot spring, and I again decide not to go with them. Naomi tries to push me on it, to figure out why I’m so opposed, but at this point the truth would hurt far more than any of the obvious lies I end up giving her.

And so I’m lying on my futon, listening to my friends’ muffled voices from outside, and wondering how the hell this vacation - which was supposed to be fun, and relaxing, and help me figure out why I felt so protective about Naomi - turned into a constant battle with myself over those feelings.

Willing to do anything to clear my head at this point, I check my phone, and find a new message from my brother.

[How’s it going? Having fun?]

[Not really. How are Mom and Dad?]

[They’re fine. Not happy, but dealing with it. What’s wrong?]

I start, stop, delete, and restart my reply many times. The words seem to come out wrong, always missing the point I’m trying to make. Eventually, I give up, and just send the question I’ve been trying to ignore. [This is going to sound stupid, but... What’s it like to fall in love?]

It feels like a long time, waiting for his response, but he actually replies quite quickly. [Woah! That’s one hell of a question. Why do you ask?]

[Answer my question first.]

[Fine, but not over text. Call me.]

I guess that makes sense - his answer was never going to be a short one, so there’s no point in typing it all out if he doesn’t need to. I hit ‘call back’ on his message, and he picks up right away.

“Hello?”

“Hey. It’s me.”

“Hey! It’s good to hear your voice again. And mom wanted me to call you anyways - she’ll be glad to hear you’re alive.”

“Is she with you?” This isn’t a conversation I want her - or anyone else, really - to listen in on.

“No, I’m out shopping.”

“Let me guess: last minute Christmas shopping.” It’s the afternoon of the 24th, but-

He chuckles. “You know me too well.”

I sigh, and he laughs some more, before I get back on track. “So, about my question.”

“Right. I can answer it, but then you have to answer mine. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Okay, so. Love. In my experience - which I think is representative - you just sort of start noticing things about someone. How they look, how they talk, what they like, all that sort of stuff. And then, after noticing enough of it, you start thinking about the things you’ve noticed, even when they’re not around. And then, when they are around, you start thinking about the things you thought when they weren’t.” He pauses. “Eventually, you’ve got this whole heap of thoughts that kind of take on a life of their own, and make it hard to focus on the person themselves.”

“O... kay.” I’m not sure I followed all of that, but a lot of it sounded terrifyingly familiar. “So there’s not, like, a chorus of angels or something? No intrinsic and powerful connection?”

“Nah, those are just poetic dramatizations of the stuff I said. Artistic license and all.” He chuckles again. “Anyways, that’s my end of the bargain; let’s hear yours.”

I briefly look around, wanting to be absolutely certain that nobody else is around. I can still hear the other girls talking outside, which gives me some confidence that they won’t be able to hear me, but I lower my voice anyways. “Alright, so, um... I’ve been having some trouble recently. I have a heap of thoughts about... someone close to me.”

“Ah, I see. And you think it might be love.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but sometimes it really, really does.”

“Hmm. Can you describe some of those times?”

I think back to the first time that feeling happened. “One time, someone asked me for advice on how to ask them out, and I felt really... jealous? Like, I couldn’t let someone take them from me.”

“Well, that kind of thing doesn’t necessarily mean love - it’s common to want to protect your friends from potentially bad relationships, especially if it would mean that they spend less time with you.” Almost as an afterthought, he adds, “Are you friends with this person?”

“They’re my best friend.”

A pause. “Your best friend?”

“Yes.”

“Naomi?”

He chuckles, but my heartbeat is already pounding in my ears, and I realize too late that my silence is damning. “Promise-” I take a trembling breath- “promise you won’t tell anyone.”

“Huh? Natsume, I wouldn’t-”

“Promise!”

“Fine, fine, I promise!” He waits for me to say something, but I have no idea what to say. “So you’re... into girls?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I don’t even think I felt this way about her until... recently. I just - I just don’t know.”

“I take it this is why you’re not enjoying your vacation very much?”

“Yeah. It’s supposed to be fun and relaxing, visiting a hot spring, soaking in the water - but I haven’t even been in yet! Every time I think about getting in there with her, my heart starts racing, and I freeze up!” I groan. “And today, we went shopping, and she tried on this stupid bikini in front of me, and now I can’t stop thinking about it! Why does this keep happening to me?”

“You need to tell her.”

“... What?”

“The only way to feel any better about it is to tell her how you feel.”

“I... I can’t do that! She’ll think it’s weird, it- it is weird!”

“Maybe. But knowing that that’s how she feels is what will make you feel better.”

I don’t understand. “How is that supposed to make me feel any better?”

“Right now, your love is feeding on uncertainty. As long as there’s a chance that she might feel the same way, it’s impossible to let go. The only way to get any closure is to find out.” I’m about to object, but he cuts me off. “And maybe you won’t get the answer you want, but I promise that it will hurt less than continuing to guess.”

It seems so wrong, but when I think about how painful the past few days have been, I realize that maybe it would be easier that way. “But I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell her how you feel. Tell her that it’s okay if she doesn’t feel the same way. Tell her that you want to be her best friend no matter what.”

“O... Okay.” I swallow nervously. “I’ll try. Thanks.”

“Good luck, Natsume. It will be difficult, but I know you can do it.”

After changing into a towel, I take off my glasses, open the door at the end of our room, and step outside.

Of course, by now the sky is pitch black, matching the biting cold.

I know you can do it. Yeah right.

I couldn’t work up the courage to join the other girls outside earlier. I couldn’t force myself to talk to Naomi when she came back inside. I couldn’t even manage to say anything substantial at dinner. And so I finished my food, left early, and decided that I would try the hot spring, at least once, while nobody else was around.

So here I am, shivering in my towel, treading carefully along the dark stone path around a pool of water Ican barely see, hoping to get something out of this stupid vacation.

As I approach the shallow stairs into the water, I take the towel off, and set it by the edge to keep it dry. Since I’m the only one around, there’s not much point wearing it in. The cold is even worse against my skin for a moment, but I quickly wade into the water, and it’s as if my legs have been transported to a steamy rainforest far away. I sit down against the edge, immersing most of the rest of my body, and then scooch myself further and further forward, slouching back a bit more each time, until everything below my neck is cocooned in the warm spring water.

Heat flows into me from all directions, but it also feels like some of me is flowing outward. Aches and pains leave quickly, and I can’t stifle a contented sigh. Next are the worries and frustrations, all fading away into the steam as I close my eyes. I don’t need to worry about my parents, or the rest of this vacation, or whatever I feel for Naomi, or-

the sound of a door opening.

My eyes shoot open again, and I instinctively cover my chest with my arms, even though I’m practically invisible under the water in this lighting. Looking over at the doors to our rooms, I see a single figure walking towards me. “Hello?” As they pass through one of the lights, I catch a glimpse of short, blonde hair. “Naomi?”

“Hey Natsu~!” I avert my eyes as she trots over to the stairs, and hear a fabric-y thump as she deposits her towel on the ground next to mine. “I wanted to come talk to you after dinner, and when I realized you had come out here, I figured I’d join you.” She wades into the water, then walks over and sits down next to me, my eyes still desperately trying not to look her way. “The water feels amazing, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it’s... incredible.”

“I heard it can help with joint pain - did it do that for you?”

“A little bit, yeah.” I try to make myself relax, but fail, still tense. Naomi is silent next to me, and for a second I wonder if she has her eyes closed, but a moment later she puts one hand on my shoulder, and I flinch. “Gah!”

As I move away from her, still staring intently at whatever happens to be in the other direction, she groans. “Natsume, look at me.”

Carefully, my heartbeat growing louder, I force myself to look over at her. Like me, she’s slumped into the water a bit, with only her head and shoulders above the waterline.

It’s a little hard to tell with so little light and no glasses, but she looks... worried about me. “What’s up with you?”

“W-What do you mean?”

“Well, first off, you refused to join us in the hot spring, and instead came out here all alone. Why?”

“I-I... I just...” I throw together what seems like the most plausible lie. “I was nervous about being naked around you all.”

She scoffs. “Seriously? We’re all friends here! You don’t have anything to be ashamed of!”

“I know, but-”

“And when we went shopping earlier, you were acting really twitchy the whole time! You barely even looked at me; hell, just now you wouldn’t look at me at all!”

“I, uh... I guess-”

“And this entire trip, it feels like we’ve barely even talked! It’s like the rest of us aren’t even here, and you’re on this vacation alone!”

“I’m just... kind of the quiet type, okay?”

“I know! I know you’re the quiet type, I’ve known you for three fucking years now! This is different - so tell me, what is up with you‽”

No matter how much I think about it, I can’t seem to find a way out. Seconds crawl past, with Naomi giving me this angry, worried, pitiful look, and I can’t find anything to say in return.

Tell her how you feel.

I guess this is it. If she’s going to force the issue, then I can’t keep it from her any longer. “Fine.”

I take a deep breath, and begin.

“A week ago, one of the second-years came to talk to me after the club meeting was over. He asked if you were staying in the dorms over break, and I said I didn’t know. I asked why he wanted to know, and he... He told me he had a crush on you. He knew that I was your friend, and asked me for advice.”

She interjects. “Was it Mizuishi?”

“Huh?” It takes me a second to realize what she’s asking, and then another to realize that she’s spot-on. “Oh, uh... He told me not to tell you.”

“But it was him?”

I nod sheepishly, and she smiles.

“I knew. Way more than a week ago, I knew. When somebody likes you like that, it’s pretty obvious.”

I’m about to continue with my story when I realize what she said, and my eyes go wide. It’s pretty obvious. I can’t see her expression well enough to know exactly how much she meant by that, but it makes me even more nervous.

“Well, I, uh... When he asked me that, I... I felt bad. Like I didn’t want to give you to someone else. And when Saki and Rika offered you this trip, even though I knew you’d have more fun, I still felt jealous. I just... Something in me felt like I wanted you to be mine, stupid as that is.” I look away from her again. “And then, I thought this trip would help, but every time I looked at you, I kept seeing your... Your b-body. Especially when you went out to the hot spring, I just, I, I...” I put my face into my hands. “I’m sorry.”

Before I can spend too much time trying not to cry, she puts her hand on my shoulder again. “Don’t be sorry.”

For the first time tonight, I instinctively look directly at her. “Huh?”

“I don’t think that what you felt was... wrong, I guess. I mean, we’re best friends, so I’d be surprised if you didn’t feel a little... possessive? I feel like that sometimes too, sort of.” She pauses and thinks for a moment. “I can’t say I’ve ever really felt that way about the, uh... The body stuff, though.”

That’s what I was waiting for. I think it hurts a bit less because I knew it was coming, but it still hurts plenty. Then again, I feel a tiny bit of catharsis - maybe my brother is right, and it will be over soon enough. I guess only time will tell. “That’s okay. I kind of expected that.”

Naomi looks away from me. “Natsume, you’re my best friend, so-”

“I don’t want that to change.” I blurt it out in the most unceremonious way possible, hoping to salvage at least that much from this conversation, but she still doesn’t look at me, and suddenly I realize how frustrating it must’ve been when I did this to her earlier.

“You’re my best friend, so, I think it’s worth... trying, at least.” She chuckles nervously. “After all, you can’t be any worse than Mizuishi.”

My heartbeat practically trips over itself, then desperately starts pounding in my ears. Naomi finally looks back at me, her cheeks almost glowing red, and smiles - possibly at whatever dumb face I’m making right now.

“So, what do you think, Natsu?”

I’ve never had so much trouble saying something I actually wanted to. “Naomi, I... I love you.”

She giggles. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

As I struggle to figure out how we ended up here, she pushes herself forward, puts her arms around me, and pulls me into a hug. I instinctively return the favor, but it isn’t long before I notice the smooth skin of her back against my fingers, and her chest pressing into mine. For once, however, I don’t feel bad about it; the feeling washes over me, and the bits and pieces I notice are merely hallmarks of having her next to me.

After a little while, she pulls back, and sits next to me, our shoulders only just touching. A strange thought comes to mind.

“Is it weird that we were both naked when I confessed?”

She giggles. “It’s only weird if you make it weird. Besides, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.”

“Deal.”

“Perfect - now come on, you have a lot of relaxing to catch up on.” She grabs my hand, and we both lean back against the side of the hot spring, letting our worries float off into the water.

When we eventually get out, we’re both so thoroughly steamed that the cold air barely bothers us. Still, I spend a bit too long watching Naomi as she dries herself, and she catches me, quickly wrapping herself in her towel and trying to laugh it off.

We change into our pajamas, and I put my glasses back on, getting my first proper look at her of the night. After brushing our teeth and turning off the lights, we go to lie down, but Naomi stops me.

“You know, the big futon, it... It does get kind of chilly in there. I think it’s really meant for, uh, for two people.”

My face goes beet red. “Really? I, uh... I mean, we don’t, you know... I guess I- I don’t mind, whatever you want.”

“Alright, well, then...” She gestures me over, and I carefully crawl into one side of the futon. She quickly slides into the other, and we end up lying on our backs, neither wanting to look at the other, an awkward silence falling over us.

Before long, however, she gingerly links her arm with mine, and pulls me a bit closer. I pull back a little in return, and close my eyes.

When I open them again, slowly and groggily, it’s morning already, and sunlight is filtering into the room. Soaking in the spring must’ve made me more tired than I thought.

I yawn, then realize that I’m snuggled up against Naomi, and reflexively jump away. In the time it takes to remember everything that happened between us last night, Naomi grumbles, and then rolls over, draping one arm over me. Having found me, she pulls herself closer, eventually pressing her face into my neck.

I’m almost scared to breathe, as if it might ruin the moment, but she remains there, resting against me, and it feels... right.

Wondering what time it is, and whether I should try to go back to sleep, I grab my phone from off the floor nearby, being careful not to disturb Naomi. It’s about 8:30, but something else on the display catches my attention: it’s the 25th. Christmas day.

Back home, my family will presumably be waking up and opening presents sometime soon. Dad will have insisted on getting a tree, even though Mom hates having to clean up the needles. My brother will have shoddily wrapped whatever he bought yesterday. And they’ll have a whole bunch of food prepared for the occasion. And even if I decide to give them a call sometime today, I won’t get to experience any of that.

But somehow, it might still be the best Christmas ever.

END.

Art that promotes the homosexual and undermines the family unit - where have our good Christian values gone?

For an unironic remark, though, a nice and normal story about normal events.

Who said that I can't write succinct secret santa stories?
... because they deserve a medal, honestly.

Well, friends, here we are again: time for me to share a story I've written based on a prompt created by another randomly selected writer on this forum (five years running)! As always, it was a lot of fun to write; as always, it took a lot of effort, perhaps more than was intended; as always, a significant amount of that effort was only required because I procrastinated so much; and as always, I got to try out some new and interesting things! I actually haven't written anything since last year's secret santa, so it was good to get back into the groove for a bit, without much (external) pressure.

My victim this year is fellow writer and friend XPND.Dev, who provided a very interesting prompt:
Looking to bring some holiday cheer to Yamaku, an unknown resident lined the halls of the girls' dorm with candles... and accidentally started a fire. Nobody was hurt, but it could be weeks before repairs are complete.

With no other options, Yamaku administration temporarily moves the girls into the boys' dorm, and due to a shortage of open rooms, some students have to share with the opposite sex.

In a stroke of terrible luck, a girl of your choice ended up in room 117- home of the bespectacled madman Kenji Setou.
Now, I have a rough idea of what he was thinking when he wrote that prompt. But if you've ever read any of my secret santa stories, you'll know that I have a penchant for subverting expectations, with the help of excessive exposition and unconventional twists. Will this year's story live up to that precedent? There's only one way to find out!

Disconnection
This is not the room I was expecting.

The whole place feels nice, but also... wrong. A standing lamp in one corner provides warm lighting, but it’s dim enough that the room feels dark. A tall potted plant sits in the opposite corner, but the room has no windows, so it must be fake. Across from me is what looks like a dull red sofa, and to my left is a wooden desk with an office chair, in which a portly figure is sat.

“Ah, Mr. Setou?”

The voice is one of an old woman, and like everything else in this room, it feels too kind for what it is. Like she’s somebody’s grandmother, but this is her day job that she can’t tell her grandkids about.

I nod, and she gestures with one arm. “Please, make yourself comfortable on the couch. It’s across the room from you.”

I’m not blind enough to need her instructions, but I don’t have the energy left to complain, instead quietly walking over and plopping myself down with a sigh. It’s a very soft sofa, the kind that can swallow you up; once again, I’m not sure whether to find that relaxing or terrifying.

She swivels around in her chair to face me, holding what looks like a notepad. “Well then, shall we begin?”

I don’t feel like playing games. “Just tell me what you want.”

“Hmm... how about a billion yen?” She laughs, and I don’t. “I’m joking, of course. All I want is to talk.”

“Fine. Talk all you want. Let me know when you’re done.”

Another chuckle. “On the contrary, Mr. Setou, I’m much less interested in talking to you than I am in listening to you.”

Now it’s my turn to laugh. “Listen? To me?” I shake my head. “Nobody’s bothered yet. Why start now?”

“Because that’s what I do, Mr. Setou. I listen to people, especially if they don’t feel listened to. I know that it-”

“No, you don’t. You don’t know what it’s like.” I want to be more angry, more aggressive, but I’m too exhausted. “You don’t understand.”

“Then why not help me understand?”

I groan. “It’s not worth the effort. Even if you listened, even if you believed, what would you do? The decision’s already been made.”

She leans back in her chair. “Well, I may not make decisions, but I do make recommendations, which my colleagues tend to respect. They send people to me because they want my opinion, because they know I will listen carefully. If they had already made up their minds, they wouldn’t’ve bothered.” She leans forward again. “So, why don’t you let me listen to what you have to say?”

She’s lying. I’m here as a matter of procedure, not because there’s any doubt regarding the outcome. What I say to this hag isn’t going to make the slightest bit of difference. But I also get the feeling that I’m not leaving until she thinks we’re done. “Fine. What do you want me to talk about?”

“Well, I think it would help if we started from the beginning.”

No chance of finishing early, then. Sigh. “Well, it’s pretty obvious where this all started.” I try not to think about the days since in too much detail. “Friday. Three weeks ago.”

~~~~~~~~~~

I was just getting back from class that evening when I ran into my hallmate.

“Hey, Kenji! How’s it going?”

He had only transferred in at the start of the year, but in no time he had become my best friend. I guess it was a case of opposites attracting: I was quiet and studious, while he was a social butterfly who skipped class more often than not. He couldn’t exercise much due to his heart condition, but his personality always made him feel like the strongest guy in the room, and people loved that. Guys felt like he always had their back, and girls... well, they ended up skipping class with him a lot.

“Oh, hey Daizo. Just finished class for the day. You?”

He laughed, the way he always did - like he was happy everything had turned out this way. “Good on you, man. I couldn’t stomach it this morning, and ended up just hanging around here.”

“Is someone at least bringing you the homework?” Since he was in 2-3, and I was in 2-2, I couldn’t really get his assignments and stuff for him.

“Yeah, Miki was hanging out with me, and she texted Suzu, who said she’d get it for us. Speaking of which, are you okay helping me out like usual?”

He asked for my help with homework a lot. He had to read it out to me, of course, but that actually made it kind of interesting, since he’d be teaching me about the differences in our classes’ curricula while I taught him the material itself. And he was always so thankful, and humble... he always said that he wished he could be as smart as me.

It didn’t help that he was so forgetful. I think that’s why he was never very interested in school. I tried my best to help him remember any important stuff, but it always felt like he could’ve lived each day on its own, not caring about the past and not worrying about the future. I envied him for it, but that was just part of looking up to him. I think we all looked up to him, at least a little bit.

“Sure thing! And hey, as payment, we can have something to drink afterwards.”

He liked his alcohol. Not to an unhealthy level, but certainly more than any of the other students I’ve met here. I wasn’t that big on it - we were old enough, but it was still a violation of campus policy - but I enjoyed doing it together. It felt like we could relax and bond with each other a bit better.

“Ah, sorry, I’ve got a test tomorrow morning. Probably shouldn’t make it any harder than it needs to be.”

“Damn, that sucks. That’s why you’re the responsible one, though!” He patted me on the back. “Anyways, come over to my room when you’re ready to start on homework. I’ll try to make sure Miki’s presentable!” We laughed, and I went back to my room to change.

I was never really sure what he and Miki were. To anyone who didn’t know them, they looked like best friends. To a lot of people, they looked like they were in a relationship. But it was always somewhere in between. They were very physically intimate, but they certainly weren’t bound to each other. Daizo could have a different girl over every day of the week, and then have Miki over on Sunday, and they’d laugh about his escapades before going at it themselves.

It was as if they thought of each other as ‘the one’, but didn’t think that came with any rules. I used to wonder what would happen to them when they graduated - were they just convenient, bound to go their separate ways? Or were they close enough that they’d stick together, even if they weren’t always with each other? It would’ve driven me crazy, but they seemed happy with how things were, so I just stayed out of it.

I got back to my room, opened a window to get some fresh air in, and was about to change until I realized that something felt off. It took me a second to put my finger on what it was: a smell. A faint scent of something, almost like... smoke.

Not sure where it could be coming from, I went back into the hallway and knocked on Daizo’s door. “Hey, Daizo, do you have a minute?”

“Sure, one sec!” I heard him get up and come to the door. “What’s up?”

“Something in my room smells weird, and I can’t tell what.”

“Oh, okay.” We went back to my room. “What’s it smell like?”

“Kind of smokey.”

He sniffed the air a few times. “I can’t really smell it, and nothing looks wrong. Can you tell where it’s coming from?”

I moved around, trying to tell where the smell was strongest. “It’s coming from over here, by the window.”

He walked over and stood next to me. “Oh yeah, I can only just... Holy shit.”

“What?”

“It is smoke. It’s coming from the girls’ dorm.” He turned back and yelled “Miki!”

I followed him out into the hallway just as Miki stepped out of his room, wearing an oversized sweater. “Oh, hey Kenji. What’s up?”

Daizo didn’t give me time to respond. “Miki, I think there’s a fire in the girls’ dorm.”

“Ah hell. Probably someone failed at cooking again.”

“No, it’s bigger than that, come look.”

All three of us filed back into my room, and Miki whistled once she got a view out the window. “Well shit. They’re all evacuating the building now, too. Ugh, and it’s freezing out there.”

Daizo put one hand on her shoulder. “We should see if we can help.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Miki sighed. “And maybe find out whether my room is still standing. Come on.”

The two of them quickly walked out into the hallway, and I could hear Miki break into a run, her footsteps slowly disappearing into the distance. Hopefully Daizo wasn’t trying to keep up; running wasn’t good for him. As for me, I closed my window and sat down, not really sure what to do - there wasn’t really anything I could do. After a while, I just started doing my homework, and tried not to think about it.

Before I knew it, two hours had passed, and I heard some commotion out in the hallway, so I stuck my head out to see what was going on, and hopefully go get some dinner. Instead, I almost ran head-first into the source of the noise: a boy running around, knocking on every door while repeating one message: “The administration is making an announcement down in the common room, in just a few minutes! Everyone, go downstairs as soon as you can!”

It wondered for a moment why they might be calling a meeting, but quickly remembered what had happened with the girls’ dorm earlier. Still, what could that have to do with us? Were they looking for a culprit? Or maybe they were going to break some bad news? Then again, Yamaku isn’t the kind of place where everyone gets a day of mourning, so gathering all the students together to break the news would’ve required something disastrous. Just how bad was it? I tried not to think about it too much, and just went downstairs, joining a flow of other students.

The common room was louder than I had ever heard it, packed full of students wall-to-wall. Many were sitting on the floor to try and get comfortable, or to relieve their legs, but I joined a group standing up against one of the walls, since space was running low, and I didn’t trust myself not to accidentally step on someone’s hand while trying to find a place to sit down.

Luckily, I wasn’t waiting for long. “Alright, alright, everybody, listen up!” A tall boy in a uniform - presumably a third-year - standing near the doors called for everyone’s attention. To his left, a shorter student waved his arms a bit, presumably signing to the deaf students. To his right were two men, both dressed in black suits.

The shorter suited man spoke first, and I vaguely recognized his voice from other school gatherings. “Many of you may have already heard about what happened earlier, but I’d like to start by filling everyone in, and dispelling any rumors.” He cleared his throat. “A few hours ago, a small fire started in the girls’ dormitory. Thankfully, nobody was seriously hurt, but the nature of the incident meant that the dormitory building sustained non-trivial damage.”

The crowd murmured. “We’ve got multiple contractors doing their best to assess the damage, but the consensus right now is that the building is not safe for students to enter. Obviously this presents a problem for your fellow students, who are currently camped out in the cafeteria, and cannot return to their rooms. As such, I have been working with Administrator Watanabe on a plan to temporarily house them. Administrator?”

The taller suited man nodded. “Thank you, Principal. While there were multiple options for housing the displaced students, we believe that the most comfortable and least distressing option would be to temporarily stretch the available capacity in the other dormitory building - that is, this one. There are many rooms here that are mostly furnished but unoccupied, and with the help of the laundry and cleaning staff we can temporarily fit two displaced students in each of them.”

“Unfortunately, even that measure will not entirely solve the problem. As such, we will need to double up some of the currently occupied rooms too.” The crowd murmured again, slowly realizing what exactly he meant. “That means that many of you will have to accommodate a temporary roommate. I know that it will not be easy for you, but please try to think of it as easing the burden of your fellow students, who have it even worse. And of course, in the spirit of making things a bit less disruptive for you all, we will be placing a moratorium on testing during this period.”

The crowd cheered, clearly bolstered more by the prospect of a reduced workload than they were perturbed by the plan to assign temporary roommates. Despite the unusual nature of what he was proposing, it didn’t feel strange. It was a logical plan - those girls had to sleep somewhere, after all. Still, I got the sense that I hadn’t really grasped the gravity of the situation.

Everyone remained jubilant until the third-year from before quieted them again. “Okay, I know, we’re all excited, but we’re going to need to - Taro, shut up!” A large boy in the front instantly went from boisterous to silent. “As I was saying, we’re going to need to work through some logistics if we want this to run smoothly.”

“Of course, some of you can’t support a roommate, for any of a number of reasons - if you think you can’t, all you have to do is tell us. But keep in mind that this option is aimed at those for whom it is impossible. For the rest of us, it will obviously be difficult, but there’s no way around that. We have no way of checking, but I am trusting that you will do the right thing and only opt out if you are truly unable to support a temporary roommate.”

“I, along with everyone else involved in this operation, will try to be available here in the common room if you need us. If you have a problem or a question, if you need more sheets or an extra futon, or if you just need someone to talk to, we will do our best to help. That said, at times we may have a lot to deal with, so please be patient. And, of course, one last thing.” He glanced over at the men in suits before continuing.

“It should go without saying, but I want to make this very clear: your new roommates, hallmates, and dormmates will be treated with the utmost respect. We’re all going through this difficult time together, and as such, you should in no manner harass them. I have told them, in no uncertain terms, to report any such incidents directly to me. And let me tell you, whatever excuse you think you have, I do not care. I don’t care whether you’re friends, I don’t care whether they started it, and I absolutely do not care who your parents are. If any of you misbehave, we will START with expulsion, and work up from there. Do I make myself clear?”

Nobody said anything, cowed by his speech. “Perfect. Now, are there any questions?”

A skinny boy to my left raised his hand, and the third-year up front called on him.

“How long will we be doing this for?”

The trio up front took a moment to glance at each other, silently negotiating who would answer what was obviously a difficult question. In the end, the Principal spoke. “Unfortunately, we don’t have an exact timeline right now, since there hasn’t been much time to evaluate the situation. However, we’re confident that we can have the dorms open again before the winter break is over.”

The third-year followed up. “Even before the break is over, however, things should ease up. We’re hoping to match roommates so that at least one of them will be going home for the break, meaning that once the break starts, those of you who are staying will have your rooms to yourselves again. We’re also hoping to allow some students to leave for break early.” Before the crowd could get excited, he quickly added “Only for those whose teachers are confident they can complete the material from home, of course.”

A few more questions came in over the next few minutes, but nothing too interesting, and before long we were all sent back to our rooms, to await our potential new roommates. I was beginning to get a bit nervous when I heard a knock on my door - but not the one I was expecting.

“Hey, Kenji, you in there?”

I opened the door to find Daizo and Miki standing outside. “Oh, hey man, hey Miki. I assume you heard the announcement?”

“Actually, I’ve been in the cafeteria helping out the girls, but I the spiel you got was probably pretty similar to the one they did.”

I wasn’t even surprised. “Yeah, probably. So Miki, do you know where you’re staying yet?”

“Yup!” She put her good arm around Daizo’s shoulder. “Right here with this guy.”

“That’s... quite the coincidence.”

She laughed. “No, they didn’t assign me here, we just decided it would make sense, since I spend so much time in his room anyways.”

“Oh.” I immediately saw a problem. “What if they try to assign another girl to his room?”

“We’ll tell them he’s already got one.”

Daizo smirked. “Or we could just make room for one more!” Miki scoffed at that, but didn’t say anything else.

“So what about your room, Miki? Is it okay?”

“Yeah, they said the stuff in our rooms should be fine, it’s just that we can’t go get it. Supposedly tomorrow they’ll be letting us request workers to go fetch anything we need, but it’ll still be a pain.” She sighed. “The admin isn’t saying anything about it, but rumor has it that someone tried to put a bunch of candles in the hallways for ‘holiday spirit’, which is why the building got damaged but our rooms were mostly fine.” She shook her head. “Fuckin’ idiot.”

“Damn.” It seemed weird, but also sounded like the kind of thing you couldn’t make up. “Well, hopefully it won’t be long until you can go back. Are either of you going home for the break?”

“Nah, it’s easier for me to just call my parents, and Miki... She’d rather stay here.”

I didn’t really know much about Miki’s family, but his tone suggested it wasn’t worth getting into. “I guess we’re in this together, then - I’m staying on campus too.” Like Daizo, I would have enjoyed some time with my family, but it wouldn’t’ve been worth the hassle to travel all the way home for just a few days.

“Alright! Well, good luck on your roommate roulette, and we’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Thanks, see you guys then!” They disappeared into his room, and I was about to head back to mine, until I remembered something. I walked back over to their door, knocked on it twice, and yelled “Hey, Daizo, don’t forget to take your meds!”

I could hear a muffled “Ah, shit.” followed by a loud “Thanks, got it!”

I returned to my room for real after that, and prepared myself for the aforementioned game of chance.

“So you knew Mr. Matsuo and Ms. Miura fairly well, then?”

I haven’t mentioned their last names. Another sign that this woman already knows the whole story. Not that it makes a difference, apparently. “Sort of. I didn’t really talk to Miki that much, but Daizo liked us both, and we respected him enough to assume that meant we were good people.”

“I see. So despite not knowing her very well, you thought of her as someone you could trust, because Mr. Matsuo did?”

“At the time, yes.”

I expect her to try and dig further into that statement, but to my surprise, she relents. “So, you were waiting to be assigned a temporary roommate. What happened then?”

I open my mouth, spend a few seconds trying to think of what to say, and then sigh. “Do I really have to go into this?”

“Mr. Setou, I know it might be hard, but I need to know how you felt about what happened. And unfortunately, if it hurts to talk about, that means that you must have felt very strongly about it.”

I swallow. “Yes. I felt... It felt...” There’s no point denying it. “Magical.”

~~~~~~~~~~

I was beginning to get tired when another knock finally came from my door, and I jumped up to answer, entirely uncertain what awaited me. Upon opening the door, however, all I saw was a skinny boy, holding what I assumed was a clipboard. “Kenji Setou?”

“Yes?”

“Alright. Are you staying here over the break?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, let’s see...” He looked at his clipboard, then turned to his left. “Elise?”

He stepped back, and up walked a tall girl with long, flowing brown hair, carrying something under her left arm. Despite what seemed to be a striking appearance, even I could tell that her body language was a little shy. “Um... Hello. My name is Elise. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Her accent was just as surprising as her stature - I had never heard anything like it. “Ah, uh, I’m Kenji. Nice to meet you too.” I put my right hand out, only realizing afterwards that I had no idea whether she had hands, this being Yamaku. I remembered being lucky that Miki only lost her left hand, the first time I met her.

Thankfully, this new girl had hands, and shook mine. Her hand was big, but still dainty and soft, reinforced by a fairly weak handshake. I quickly pulled my hand back afterwards, not wanting to linger, but couldn’t think of anything to say.

Luckily, she spoke first. “May I come in?”

“Oh! Right, right, sorry.” I stepped back and let her through the door frame, though she had a bit of trouble fitting through with whatever she was carrying. “It’s been a long day.”

She giggled, and I was taken aback by the sound. “Yes, yes. Mine too.”

“Right, the fire. Were you there when it happened?”

“I was in my room, and had to leave. I didn’t see the fire though.” She looked around the room, and I could only hope it looked presentable - I wasn’t a very good judge. “Where can I put this futon?”

It took me a second to realize that she was talking about the thing she had carried in - it must’ve been her makeshift sleeping arrangement. “Oh, anywhere on the floor is fine, as long as you have room.” I thought again about how tall she was. “Are you sure you don’t want to take the bed? I’d be okay using the futon.”

“No, no! It’s your room, I’m a guest.” She began to unroll her futon onto the floor.

“Well, yeah, but then... you’re a guest, I should accommodate you.”

“No, no, it’s okay, really. I’ll sleep in the futon.”

“O-Okay.” She continued setting herself up a place on the floor, and I found myself without anything to say or do. “So, uh, where are you from?”

“Why do you think I’m not from here?” She laughed, and I blushed.

“No, I mean, your accent is just, very, uh...”

“I know, I know, I have a big accent. I’m from France.”

From... “France? I... How?”

“I’m an exchange student. My parents work for a company in the United Kingdom, which is connected to Yamaku somehow. So I decided to try it!”

As if the day hadn’t been strange enough already. “For someone who’s just trying it, your Japanese is excellent.”

Another giggle. “I’m very good with languages. It’s from my family.”

“Your parents probably taught you English too, huh.”

“Of course!” She smirked. “Better than some of the English teachers here, I think.”

“Wow.” I feel a bit overwhelmed. “That’s way more interesting than me. I’m just... some dude.”

She seemed to be taken aback by that. “No, no, really not. I’m from overseas, but I’m a boring girl. The other students here, they are interesting.”

“How so?”

“Well... There is a girl in my class without arms. Instead, she does everything with her feet! It’s incredible! And at lunch, I see the deaf girls signing to each other, so quickly! And the blind students, they walk around without any problems!”

“Yeah, we’re pretty good at working with it, I guess.”

She paused. “We? Which one are you?”

“Er, blind.”

“Blind, but... You choose to wear glasses?”

Ah, that old bug. “I’m only legally blind. I can still see shapes and colors and stuff, and the glasses help.”

“Ah, so you can still see a little. That’s why your glasses are so thick - they must be much stronger than mine.”

“Yours? You wear glasses?”

“Of course, I’m wearing them right- Oh.” She realized. “You really cannot see very much.”

I shrug. “Yeah, but it’s still a lot more than most of my classmates, so I can’t complain.”

“Of course, you’re in class 2-2, your classmates are also blind. That’s why I haven’t met you before. I’m in class 2-3.”

“Oh, 2-3, do you know Daizo and Miki?”

She fidgeted a little. “Well, I see them, I suppose. When they decide to come into class.”

I laughed. “Oh yeah, that’s them alright. Daizo’s my hallmate, and Miki hangs out with him a lot.”

“Hangs out with him... Are they not, um, a couple?”

I wasn’t entirely sure how to answer. “Well, I mean, they’re, uh... They’re definitely sort of like a couple. But also, they’re not a couple couple. They’re more of... Shoot, how do I even describe it...”

“Ah, where I’m from, I think we’d say c'est compliqué: it’s complicated.”

“Yeah, complicated definitely describes it. Saycum pleekay.”

She laughed quite hard at that. “Exactly!”

“Well, whatever they are, they’re across the hall from us until this whole mess is over.” Which reminded me. “Speaking of which, are you going home for the break, or staying on campus?”

“I’m going home, but not until a few days after the break starts. We bought the plane tickets a long time ago, and can’t change them now, so you will be stuck with me for a bit longer.”

I laughed, though perhaps a bit nervously. “No, I think you’re the one who’s stuck here with me!”

She laughed again, which I was really beginning to enjoy. “Perhaps we will just have to be stuck with each other.”

“I guess so.” At that moment my stomach grumbled, and I realized that I hadn’t eaten since lunch. “Ah, Elise, have you had dinner?”

“Yes, we ate while we were waiting in the cafeteria.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll just go grab dinner myself, then - it completely slipped my mind, with all the stuff going on.”

She stood up from her futon. “I’ll come with you!”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it will give me something to do. Besides, I think you’re interesting.”

It was a compliment I don’t think I had ever received before. “Well, if you say so.” And with that, we headed out.

We swung by the cafeteria, came back to my room - our room, for the time being - and chatted for a bit while I ate. Then we got ready for bed, which involved the new bathroom arrangements: Daizo and I switched to the bathroom one hallway down, while the girls got the one we usually used. And, finally, tired after what had ended up being a very long day, we went to sleep. Which was fine, until I got up early in the morning to go to the bathroom.

I vaguely remembered, groggily getting out of bed, that I needed to use a different bathroom than usual, though I didn’t remember why. I was reminded a moment later, however, when my foot collided with something, and I fell over onto the floor. I grimaced as I felt a sharp pain on my palm, and rolled over onto my back just as I heard a voice come from whatever I had just tripped on.

“Aie, merde... Ugh... Kenji?”

“Sorry, sorry, I- ow, ow- I forgot you were there, and tripped. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. And you, are you okay?”

“My hand hurts, but that’s it.”

“Hmm.” She took a moment to think, which I couldn’t blame her for, given the situation. “Is it broken? Or bleeding?”

“I, uh... I don’t think so.” I touched it with my other hand, and it seemed a bit wet, but that could’ve been sweat. “I can’t really tell whether it’s bleeding, though.”

“Let me see, then.” She got up and carefully walked over to turn on the lights, then sat next to me on the floor and took my hand. “Ah, yes, there’s a small cut.” She grabbed a tissue and pressed it into my hand for a bit - I honestly couldn’t tell how long - then looked again. “It should be fine, just make sure to wash it well.”

“Alright, I’ll go do that.” I got up and went to the bathroom, which was the whole reason I was awake in the first place, but made sure to wash my hands more thoroughly as well.

When I got back, the lights were still on, but Elise was lying on the floor where we had been sitting. I guess she had gone to sleep, so I tried to rouse her. “Elise. Hey, Elise, get up.” I prodded her with one foot, and she stirred.

“What’s up?”

“You should get back into the futon. You’ll get cold sleeping on the floor like that.”

“Oh... right.” She shuffled back to where she had been sleeping before that whole mess and tucked herself in. I turned the lights off, carefully stepped over her, and got back into bed. The stillness of the night returned, only to be broken by a quiet voice a moment later. “Thanks, Kenji.”

I didn’t exactly feel like she should’ve been thanking me, given that I had just tripped over her, woken her up, and then had her help with my hand. “Sorry, Elise.”

“Ça va.”

I didn’t know what that meant, but decided it was probably okay.

“So that’s how you came to know Ms. Laennec.”

Another last name that she already knows. I wonder just how much this woman knows about Elise - more than I did, back then? I guess we’ll find out soon enough. “Yeah, she was my temporary roommate.”

“Yes, but you two were assigned to be roommates. I gather that, even early on, you started to mean more to each other than just that.”

“Obviously. I have no idea what she thought of me, but I was entranced by her.”

The woman seems surprised. “When you say that you didn’t know what she thought of you, why is that? Didn’t she act differently around you, or tell you how she felt?”

“Well, yeah, we said and did a lot of stuff. But you never know what someone’s thinking, really. You never know how they feel. You’re forced to decide whether you trust what they’re telling you.”

“And you didn’t trust her?”

“I did, back then. But I don’t know anymore. Maybe I was wrong to trust her.” A dark feeling flashes back into my head for a moment. “I was wrong to trust her.”

“Hmm.” The woman pauses for a while. “Can you tell me about some of the times that you trusted what she said she was feeling?”

“Yeah. I suppose that’s what happened next, after all.”

~~~~~~~~~~

I awoke with a start to the sound of someone yelling.

“BLOOD, BLOOD, LET IT RAIN! IN THIS TORRENT DROWNS THE PAIN! RIPPED BENEATH THE SCARLET TIDES! PAYING EXISTENTIAL TITHES! BLOOD, BLOOD, ONCE A-”

As quickly as it had started, it stopped, leaving me bewildered. “What the fuck?”

I was startled again by a groaning noise coming from the floor next to my bed, followed by a yawn and a groggy “Good morning, Kenji.”

Having sat up in bed, I remembered whose voice that was, though she didn’t seem at all concerned about the commotion. “Elise?”

“Hmm?”

“What was that yelling just now?”

“Yelling...” She thought about it for a moment, and I began to wonder whether I had just imagined it. “Oh, you mean my alarm?”

“Alarm? Why would your alarm be yelling?”

“This one, right?”

Before I could object, it began anew. “BLOOD, BLOOD, LET IT-”

“Ah, turn it off, turn it off!” Thankfully she obliged. “Yeah, that was it, I guess. That’s... your alarm?”

“Yes. I use my cellphone as an alarm, and luckily I still had it with me after yesterday.” She gasped. “Ah, I’m sorry, did it scare you?”

“Well, uh, just a little bit, I guess.” I didn’t know that cellphones could be alarms, let alone that those alarms could be so... violent.

“Sorry, sorry! I have trouble waking up sometimes, so I need a very loud alarm.”

That made more sense than the rest of the situation, at least. “That’s okay. Why is it... yelling, though?”

“Oh, um, it’s... It’s a song. I really like it.”

“That’s a song?”

“Yes! Bloodrain by Desolace Incarnate. They were one of the first Japanese bands I listened to!”

The morning just kept sprouting more surprises. “It doesn’t sound like any Japanese music I’ve ever heard.”

“Yes, there’s lots of Japanese music like that! Some of the bands did songs for anime, too.”

First cellphones, then yelling music, and now anime? I was getting further out of my depth by the minute. “Well, I don’t really watch any of that stuff, so I wouldn’t know.”

“Oh, I wish I could show it all to you! There are so many good moments, like the fight against the commander in Rebirth of the Fabled Seven-Army Swordsman, where they used Cliffside Lightning by Prayer in the Wind, but they got the lead singer to do some of the voice acting too, and it was just...” She trailed off, possibly because of the lack of comprehension written on my face. “Anyways, I’m really sorry. I should’ve told you, or turned it down, or something.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” I got up, being careful not to step on her, which reminded me of my stumble during the night. “Like... what was it? Sava?”

That seemed to pique her interest. “Ça va?”

“Yeah, yeah, that one.”

“Where did you learn that?”

I was surprised she didn’t remember. “Last night, after I tripped over you. I said I was sorry, and you said... that.”

“Oooooh! So that wasn’t a dream!” She laughed, and I found myself laughing too. My memory of it was a bit hazy, being from so late at night, but a twinge of pain in my hand told me that it definitely hadn’t been a dream. “It means, like, ‘it’s okay’.”

That was about what I had expected. “Well anyways, now we’re even!”

She giggled, and it reminded me of how it felt when she was taking care of my hand the night before. Realizing that she was still sitting on the futon, I put my uninjured hand towards her, and after a moment she took it and pulled herself up. She was definitely a bit heavier than I had expected, but once we were both standing I remembered just how tall she was, so it made sense.

We didn’t immediately leave to start preparing for the day - there was this interstitial moment where I could swear she was looking at me, and we just stood there.

I don’t know how long it lasted, but it was gone soon enough, washed away in the need to get ready for school.

We walked to class together, which was unusual for me; ordinarily, I’d only walk in with Daizo, and even then, only on the days he decided to show up to class on time. As it turned out, however, it didn’t matter that day: so few people showed up, given the events of the day prior, that the teacher dismissed us for the day almost as soon as the bell rang.

I was already feeling pretty good about getting the day off, but soon felt even better: “Hey, Kenji! Did they cancel your classes too?” Evidently it wasn’t just the blind students who needed some time off; Elise’s class had been practically empty as well. I told her that she’d have to thank Daizo and Miki when we got home, but in the meantime she wanted to go to the library, and I followed.

“Do you read much, Kenji?”

“Not a lot, but sometimes. I can’t read braille as fast as my classmates, and reading printed text is really difficult, but if I find something interesting then I will.”

“Ah, I understand. So what do you find interesting?”

That question was made tougher by the fact that I hadn’t read anything recently. “Mostly random historical stuff, like battles and coups and the like that they gloss over in school.” She was about to reply, but I remembered to throw in one last interest: “And aliens. Lots of alien-related stuff.”

She seemed surprised. “Aliens? Like, from space?”

“Yeah, exactly - like, how they’ve interacted with us throughout history and stuff.”

A long pause. “You think they have?”

I groaned. “That’s the thing, it’s so hard to tell. They could’ve touched every part of history, and we’d have no way of knowing. It’s all about reading between the lines, at least until you get to the space age, where it’s more a matter of information warfare.”

“But... If you can’t tell, do they even exist?”

“That’s the thing, they have to exist! There are trillions of stars out there, and each of them could be just like our Sun. What are the chances that life evolved right here, but nowhere else?”

“But they’re far away still.”

“No, no, see, humans are young. We’ve only been around for one millionth as long as the universe. In that time, some of those aliens must have built spaceships and light drives and cloaking fields - they’re just too far ahead of us!”

“Hmm. So then, you think they came here?”

“Earth is easy to spot as a planet with life. They must have come, it’s just a question of where. My best guess is the Moon.”

She laughed. “The Moon? That people walked on?”

“Exactly! Those guys went to the Moon for a few days, just a few times, and then never went back. Why’d they go there in the first place if it was only going to be for that long? Because they realized there was something up there! Why didn’t they keep going back? Maybe because they got what they needed... or maybe because they awakened something they didn’t mean to.”

There was another pause while she thought about it. “I told you that you were interesting, yes? You sound like you should write a book.”

“I... hadn’t really thought about that before. You think so?”

“Yes! You tell a good story.” I wondered about that for a bit before she continued the conversation. “Me, I like action stories, but with a little romance. I like reading about girls who beat up bad guys, but also have feelings.”

Once again, that was uncharted territory for me. “So, kind of like magical girls?”

Another laugh, this one a bit louder. “A little, but not really. I want stories that are darker, a bit more serious. Like the music I listen to!”

In retrospect, her musical taste didn’t exactly mesh with how I thought of magical girl stories. “That’s fair. I don’t really know what that would be like, but it sounds neat.”

“Well, I can show you, if you want.” I raised an eyebrow, interested in what she had in mind. “Why don’t we pick out books we like, and then trade? Try out each others’ tastes?”

“I don’t know, most of the ones I read are in braille, and they might not have braille versions of yours for me. Besides, you’d probably find my books boring... though I suppose there is action in some of them.”

“Hmm.” She thought about that for a moment before gasping. “Of course! We could read them to each other! We have lots of time, with classes finishing and the break starting. And we could do it in your room, so it wouldn’t bother people. What do you think?”

It was a good idea, but I liked it even more because it felt more like something we’d do together, unlike reading two different books. I still wasn’t entirely sold on exploring each others’ tastes, but it couldn’t hurt to try. “Sure, I’ll give it a go.”

After picking out some books, we went back to our room and tried it out. She read me a chapter from a book about a woman who shoots robots in the future, which was actually pretty interesting. I needed her to explain some parts, though, since it was apparently the third book in the series. I read her a section about the attack on the Sui-Ho Dam, and she seemed to be interested - enough to ask me some questions as well.

I was surprised by how quickly the time seemed to pass. Both reading and being read to in class seem to take forever, but it was different there with her. It was like it was easy to care, because she cared. And so I was surprised when, after I finished reading, she sighed sadly and laid down on her futon.

“What’s up?”

“Oh, it’s...” She thought for a moment. “Do you ever feel sad that you’re happy?”

“I... I’m not really sure what you mean.”

Another sigh. “Because you know that the happy times will end.”

“Not really, I guess. The happy times don’t necessarily have to end, if you don’t let them.”

“Sometimes you can’t control it, though. You can only watch it happen. Like if your parents have already bought the plane tickets.”

I suddenly realized what she meant. “Well, yeah, but that’s only temporary. You’ll be back soon enough.”

She chuckled glumly, then sighed once more. “For that, yes, but... My language has a word, microcosme.”

She turned to me expectantly, and I knew what she wanted. “Meekwo cosmuh?”

She laughed more heartily this time, but it soon faded. “Perfect. It means when part of a thing is like the whole thing.” My bewildered look told her to keep going. “Like, a class where the students were mostly girls but the teacher was a man, in a school where the students were mostly girls but the administrators were mostly men.”

“Ah, okay. Yeah, you know, come to think of it, there really are a lot of girls here, huh.”

She groaned. “No, I mean-”

“I know, I know, meekwo, I was just thinking.”

“Anyways, my point is, this week is a microcosme of my exchange student life. I meet a bunch of new, interesting people. I have a lot of fun with them. But there’s an ending that I can’t control.” She sat up, and hugged her knees to her chest. “I’ll come back from the break. But the school year will end, and then... I don’t know.”

Her explanation filled me with the same emptiness that I assumed she was feeling. I had barely thought about the end of the year, myself. It didn’t even seem real. But to Elise... “And you can’t come back next year?”

“No. Well... no.” Another wave crashed over me - or rather, went straight through me. The girl in front of me was almost a ghost: bound briefly to this place, but destined to disappear eventually. And, like she had said, we were powerless against it. A minute prior I had believed that happiness would always eventually return; that belief was being tested.

After we spent what felt like too long wallowing in her sadness, she got up, walked towards me, and put her arms around me, pressing her chest into mine and my face into her cheek. “I’m sorry, Kenji. I really am.”

I slowly put my arms around her as well, having difficulty comprehending how close she was, how I could hear and feel her breathing. “Elise, it’s... I think...” Words failed me. Or at least, my own did. “Sava.”

She chuckled, and I could feel her chest and stomach bounce as she did. And finally, I understood what she had meant about being sad that I was so happy.

“I see. So not long after you befriended Ms. Laennec, you found yourself saddened by the thought that she wouldn’t be around forever.”

“Obviously she wasn’t going to be around forever. Nobody’s around forever.” Sigh. “I just didn’t think she’d be gone so soon.” I guess that doesn’t just apply to her, though.

“But you mentioned that she also seemed very sad. Do you think that was how she really felt?”

I know where she’s going with this. “Who knows? I would’ve been sad in her position, but I couldn’t tell what she was thinking.”

“Even though she was in a sad situation, and was showing signs of sadness?”

“I don’t know! At the time I thought so, but now I just don’t know!” I rub my forehead. “People don’t make sense. Sometimes they do things and you don’t know why. Sometimes you know them for a year and then one day-” I clench my fists, purse my lips, and try to calm down.

“You hadn’t known Ms. Laennec for very long, though. But she gained your trust. Why do you think that was?”

“Because I was stupid, and I wanted to believe. I was seeing what I wanted to see. I got stuck in a circle, trusting her because I loved her, and loving her because I trusted her.”

The woman takes a while to digest that and plan her next move. “Do you think Mr. Matsuo trusted the people around him?”

“Of course he did. He trusted them too much. That’s what happened, that’s why I’m here in this room.”

“Who is it that you think he trusted too much?”

“Everyone. All the girls he brought home, who he barely knew? He always used to say that ‘Girls are easy, you just have to give them what they want. The hard part is figuring out what that is.’ He knew that they would lie to him, but he trusted them anyways! Same deal with Miki; he did whatever she wanted, and look where it landed him!”

I expect the woman to say something about that, but she remains silent, so I continue. “But you know the worst part?” I thrust one finger at my chest. “Me. He trusted me. He trusted me the most out of anyone, and in the end, I failed him. Not because I was selfish, like all those girls... just because I made the mistake of trusting someone else.”

There’s another long pause before the woman speaks again. “I know this might be hard, but could you tell me how exactly that happened? How that trust caused problems for you?”

As always, I’m sure she already knows, she just wants me to say it. “Fine.” If she wants to hear the sordid details on how it all happened, I have no choice but to oblige.

~~~~~~~~~~

Throughout the following week, I still spent as much time with Elise as possible, and she seemed to enjoy it. I did my best to forget it when we were together, but the spectre of her departure still hung over me. Maybe she felt the same, but she didn’t show it, and I was kind of glad for that. It made it easier to forget. Hell, sometimes I forgot so completely that when she held my hand, I would imagine us being together forever.

And so we went about getting closer and closer, despite knowing that there was only so close we could get. The break started, and we even went into town a few times. I was a lot more confident going places with her, partly because she could see a lot better than I could, but also just because of the way she made me feel. We got food, went shopping, and just... had a good time.

And then, just like that, it was her last day before her trip home. She spent the day packing, having had all the important stuff fetched from her room, and we talked. She mentioned having to get up and go to the airport early in the morning, and she had her bag there on the floor, but somehow it still didn’t feel real. It wasn’t until after dinner, when she sat down on my bed with me and sighed a long sigh, that it really hit me.

“Well, that’s it. In twelve hours, I’ll be in a taxi to the airport. I can only wait, I suppose.”

“Yeah.” I felt like I needed to keep the conversation going. “But you’ll be back in just over a week, right?”

She chuckled. “Yeah. It’s just for a little while. We can meet up again when I get back.” Still, she sat with her hands folded in her lap, and I figured she was thinking about the big picture.

“I, uh... I’m gonna miss you.”

She perked up at that, and looked at me. I thought she wanted to say something, but instead she lifted her hands and put them on the sides of my face. Not quite sure what to do, I put my hands on her shoulders and waited.

We stared at each other, her thumbs slowly tracing up and down my cheeks, and something within me began to feel alive. I could hear her breathing, and started noticing my own breathing too. It felt like a shockwave when she spoke.

“I... I just... K-Kenji, you...”

Unable to find the words, she let go of me and pulled away, letting my arms fall limply from her shoulders.

“Kenji, I’m... sorry. I want to, so badly I want to, but... I can’t.” Her voice began to waver. “It’s not fair. It’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to you.”

She sniffed, and I tried to respond, but before I could figure out what to say, she got up and headed in the direction of the bathroom.

I sat there for a minute, trying to process it all, before getting up and going to the bathroom myself. I needed to think, and hoped some cold water would do the trick. I ran my hands under the faucet for a while, feeling them grow cold, and then numb, but it didn’t help with the burning in my chest, or on my cheeks. I wondered how long I would stay there. Luckily, I didn’t get to find out, as the door opened behind me.

“Oh, hey Kenji!”

“Daizo?” I turned off the tap.

“Hey, long time no see, man!” He headed for one of the urinals as I began to realize just how long it had been since we last talked.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I’ve been really busy the past week, so I just-”

“Hah, don’t worry about it!” He started his business. “I’ve had my hands full with Miki the whole time, so it’s not just your fault.”

“If you say so.” I stood there, listening to the sound of falling water, until something came to mind. “Daizo, can you give me some advice?”

“Advice? You want advice from me?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I guess so.” He finished up, then turned and walked over to the sink next to me to wash his hands. “What sort of advice do you want?”

I tried to think about a clever way to phrase it so that it wouldn’t give everything away, but gave up pretty quickly. “Advice on girls.”

“Ooooh, I see. Sure thing, man! What sort of girl troubles are we talking about?”

“Well, see, there’s this girl I like, and I think she likes me too, but... she’s leaving Yamaku after this year.”

He laughed. “Damn, snagged yourself a third-year? I’m impressed, I-”

“No, no! She’s a second-year, she’s just... leaving after this year.”

“Oh, fair enough.” He shrugged. “So what’s the problem?”

“The... I just said, she’s leaving.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, a couple of months from now. That’s so much time! You can make more than enough memories before the school year ends.”

“Ugh, Daizo, I’m not like you. I don’t want to be jumping from fling to fling, I... I want something special.”

“So what, you’re just not even going to try?” He finished at the sink and went to dry his hands. “Listen, maybe she’s special, maybe she’s not. If you don’t try, you end up with jack shit. If you try and it doesn’t work out, no big deal, she’s leaving anyways. If you try and it does work, and she’s your soulmate or whatever, then you can do whatever it takes to stay with her.”

“I can’t stay with her, she’s-”

He finished drying off his hands and turned to me, cutting me off. “Is she dying?”

“W-What?”

“Is she going to die at the end of the year?”

“No, no, I said she’s just leaving!”

“So she’ll still be alive, somewhere on this planet. Would you rather know where she is and try your fuckin’ hardest to be there too, or never hear anything from her ever again?”

“I don’t understand! How could I possibly be with her after that?”

“Listen, man, you and her are both living in the present, and always will be. You don’t get to decide what happens in the future. But you do get to decide what happens right now. So spend that time setting your future self up for success, instead of worrying about whether he can succeed. Focus on making the best decisions that you can today, and tomorrow you can find out what came of them, knowing that you tried your best.”

His words were inspiring, but their literal application to my situation seemed terrifying. “Daizo, I’m... scared.”

“It’s okay to be scared, as long as you don’t let it stop you. Be afraid to do it, and then do it anyways, because you can do it!”

“O-Okay.”

“No, tell me! Tell me you can do it!”

It took me a moment to understand what he wanted. “I can do it!”

“Attaboy!” He slapped me on the back, then pointed towards the door. “Now go do it!”

I marched out of the bathroom, down the hall, and back into my room, where I found Elise sitting on my bed again, having regained her composure.

“Ah, sorry, Kenji, I got a little carried away.” I barely listened as I walked over and sat down next to her. “I guess I’m just emotional about-” She stopped as I put my hands on her shoulders again and gently turned her towards me.

“Elise, I promise that when you get back from break, I’ll be here waiting for you. And I may not know what’ll happen at the end of the year, but I promise that I’ll try my best to stay with you, if that’s what you want.”

She stared at me, her mouth slightly agape, for what felt like eons. The feeling from before was back: our breathing, her shoulders, something deep inside me desperate for release. Eventually, without saying a word, she reached up, took off her glasses, folded them, and tossed them gently onto her futon on the floor. Then she reached over, took my glasses, and did the same. And finally, after putting her hands on the sides of my head again, she inhaled, leaned forward, and kissed me.

I had never been kissed before, but the moment I understood what was happening, I wanted more. I wanted it to last forever, but it couldn’t. Luckily, it still lasted a long time, and each time we pulled away, the looks we gave each other brought us back again, arms wrapped around each others’ backs, until eventually I felt her reach down and begin unbuttoning my shirt.

I was nervous at first, but then realized that if she wanted to see me, then I damn well wanted to let her. Furthermore, I realized just how badly I wanted to see her too - or rather, without my glasses, I wanted to feel her. I haphazardly reached out, found her shirt, and began unbuttoning as well. Her breathing sped up, but she kept pressing her lips into mine, and I took it as a good sign. Luckily, since the break had started, we weren’t wearing ties, and already had some of the buttons undone.

She finished unbuttoning my shirt first, and didn’t even bother trying to take it off completely, instead immediately putting one hand on my chest and the other around my back. I decided to follow suit, and ignored the remaining buttons on her shirt, since I had already opened enough of a gap up top. With my eyes closed as we kissed, I got my hands inside her open shirt and pushed her bra up, kneading desperately at her chest - she hummed happily, but didn’t take her lips off of mine.

As we continued, she slowly pushed me back onto the bed, which unfortunately required breaking our kiss. I expected her to lay down with me shortly afterwards, but instead, she straddled my legs. Unsure what she was doing, I breathlessly asked “Elise?” but withdrew my complaints a second later, when she started unbuckling my belt.

It wasn’t until she pulled my pants down that I realized: I was harder than I had been in my entire life. And it just didn’t stop; she got off of the bed and began removing her shorts in return. I loved those shorts: she said that she found them more comfortable than the uniform skirts, and I enjoyed the way they fit her thighs. But then and there, I could not have been happier than to see her toss them onto the floor.

Finally, she crouched down to grab something from her bag - giving me what I could only imagine was a spectacular view in the process - then came back and knelt over me again. She stroked me a few times, reintroducing me to the heavenly touch of her fingers, then fiddled with something before applying it to me. The sensation was strange, but soon enough she began stroking again, and it felt good enough that I didn’t care anymore.

Finally, she moved forward a little, towering over me, her skin glistening beautifully in the dim light of the room. “Kenji, I... I love you.”

“I-I love you too, Elise.”

She leant forward and kissed me again, but soon pulled away, though this time I was anticipant instead of disappointed. She straightened herself up, adjusted herself slightly, and then carefully lowered herself onto me.

It was like everything I had loved about her, all at once. The kissing, the embraces, the laughter, the feeling of holding her hand... Inspired, I absentmindedly reached out and grabbed her hand, and she squeezed back, now feeling even closer than before.

In no time at all she began to move, lifting herself slightly, then letting herself fall again, and it felt fantastic. As she got more and more into it, I put my other hand around her back, trying weakly to help with her movements.

She stopped for a bit and carefully leaned forward, putting her head near mine - though the position and height difference meant that her mouth ended up in line with my forehead more than anything. Still, I was content to kiss her neck instead, and she whispered “Ah... Kenji, mon amour...”

“E-Elise...” I briefly considered trying to repeat what she had said, but lost my train of thought as she tucked her feet under my legs and sped up, both of us now moving our hips as fast as we could. “Elise, I’m, I’m...” She moaned in response, and squeezed my hand, which sent me over the edge. I lost control of my body, riddled with pleasure, and felt my head go blank - but didn’t mind one bit. I was at peace with the world as it drifted away from me.

When I awoke, it was to the sound of a scream, followed by some yelling. I had gotten used to Elise’s alarm by then, though, and so I slowly woke up, even as the screaming continued. Bright sunlight streamed through my window - which was strange, because Elise was supposed to have left early in the morning, before the sun rose.

After realizing that she wasn’t lying in bed with me, I rolled to my right and looked at her futon, which was empty. Her bag was gone, too. Had she left already? How did I miss it? And what about the-

“DAIZO! DAIZO, COME ON, PLEASE!”

My heart sank into my stomach as I recognized Miki’s voice.

I scrambled out from under my sheets, only to find that my shirt was unbuttoned and my pants were pulled down. I quickly pulled them up, but didn’t bother doing my belt or buttoning my shirt before dashing out of my room, across the hall, and into Daizo’s room.

Miki was standing next to the bed, her hands desperately pumping at Daizo’s chest.

But no matter how hard she tried, he wouldn’t stir.

“I’ve spoken to many students here, over the years - often because they lost someone close to them. It’s not uncommon for them to feel responsible, as if they could’ve-”

“No! You don’t understand, I am responsible!”

“Nothing you’ve said so far makes me think that’s the case. Why do you think so?”

I sigh. “Daizo needed his meds to survive, but he was terrible at remembering to take them. I was the one he trusted to remind him. But that whole week, between school being messed up and me focusing on Elise... I hadn’t reminded him in days.” The woman starts to respond, but I keep going. “And the night he died, I should’ve known. They said it must’ve happened sometime during the night, probably earlier on. I would’ve been awake, but...” I clench my fist. “I was unconscious with my dick out.”

“Hmm. And you don’t think any of his other friends should’ve reminded him to keep up with his medication?”

“They had never needed to before. I always took care of it. They couldn’t’ve known that I’d just suddenly stop.”

“Even Ms. Miura, who was staying in the same room as him?”

I purse my lips and furrow my brow. “Miki. Yeah, she probably should’ve known. But I blame her for a hell of a lot more than that.”

“Oh?”

I roll my eyes. “Look, quit pretending. You know full well what went down. She’s lied about a lot, but somewhere along the line you must’ve heard the truth about why Daizo died. How we killed him.”

“Mr. Setou, I’ve heard a lot about what happened, and nothing suggests to me that anyone is to blame for his death. Not you, and not Ms. Miura.”

I groan in frustration. “I’ve already told you why I’m to blame. But for now, sure, let’s talk about Miki. After all, she’s the reason I’m in this mess in the first place.”

~~~~~~~~~~

I spent the rest of that day sitting in my room, trying to figure out what had happened, and realizing that I had played such a large role in it. I didn’t eat, and that night, I barely slept.

By the next day, however, I was too hungry to ignore it. But I didn’t want to go to the cafeteria. I wanted to eat something that would make me feel like I was dying. With that in mind, I headed to the convenience store in town, carrying a bag so that I could sneak whatever I bought back onto campus. I picked up random candy bars, greasy snacks that I didn’t even like, and the biggest, strongest bottle of alcohol they had.

The line was unusually long, but I didn’t mind waiting - or so I thought. It wasn’t until I stood there, listening to the lone cashier ring someone else up, that things started to creep up on me, like bugs making their way across my skin. Random syllables in her speech would seem familiar, and then trigger memories, memories of Elise speaking. I looked up to try and convince myself that it wasn’t her, but saw only long brown hair, and felt a pain in my stomach.

By that point a cold sweat had broken across my skin, and I could hear my heart pounding in my head. Everything I saw, everything I heard, every single train of thought crashed into either Elise or Daizo. They began to blur together, and I realized they were one and the same. They turned to look at me, smiling, before stabbing each other and crumbling to dust.

Miki’s voice joined theirs soon after. “Woah, Kenji, are you okay?” Her words echoed, then morphed into screams. “DAIZO!” I heard over and over. I felt like I was going to vomit, and ached all over. But instead, finally, slowly, it seemed to fade away, replaced by a dull chill.

When I opened my eyes again, I was outside, in the fresh air, alone - except for a familiar tanned figure walking towards me.

“Yo, Kenji, what’s up? You alright?”

I caught my breath a little, then nodded. “Yeah. I just...”

“You were freaking out, I saw.” She finally stood next to me, and put her hand on my shoulder. “I’m not surprised. I’ve been having a pretty shitty day too. For the same reason, I’m guessing.”

Of course. She would understand, I thought. Not about Elise, obviously, but about Daizo. “Yeah.”

“Plus side, it looks like you got away with lifting that shit.”

“What?”

“Your bag.”

I looked in my bag and was surprised to see the items I had picked out in the store. I had put them in there to make them easier to carry, since there were so many individual items, but I ended up just taking them with me when I left the store. “Shoot, I should-” I looked back up at the store, remembered what had happened inside, and quickly made up my mind. “No, no, I can’t go back in there.”

“Hey, no worries, I won’t snitch, so long as you’re willing to share.”

It seemed like a fair trade. “Alright, how much do you want?”

“Honestly, I just want half of that bottle. Let’s get back to campus, and we can share it once we have some privacy.”

Without much of a choice, I followed her back up the hill. Maybe it would be a good way to connect with each other a bit more. Maybe we could help each other through it all.

She led me back to Daizo’s room - her room now, I supposed - and unlocked the door to let us both in. I dumped my bag out onto the floor, and we sat down next to the pile of ill-gotten goods, slowly picking at whatever caught our fancies. It wasn’t long before Miki grabbed the bottle, then handed it to me. “Can you open this? Shit’s a bitch.” As I did, she sighed. “He’d always help me out with that.”

Once it was open, I looked around for something to pour it into, but Miki just grabbed it from me and took a swig from it, her face puckering a little as she swallowed. I took it back from her and took a drink myself - and indeed, it was strong. “Ugh.” Still, it felt good to feel bad. Maybe that was the other side of the way I had felt with Elise.

“Good choice. Hopefully we can knock ourselves straight into next week.” She took another long drink, then burped and handed the bottle back to me. “Ah, that’s the stuff. Man, I’m gonna miss drinking with him.” After a brief pause, she added, “But not as much as fucking him.”

I almost spit out my drink, and ended up coughing once I finally swallowed it. I had generally tried to avoid any connection to their intimacy, but Miki was the type not to care, in many respects. Once the coughing stopped, I hoarsely replied, “Yeah, you and most of the other girls at this school.”

“Heh, yeah. Dude did more deflowering than the fuckin’ gardeners.” She sighed. “And I fuckin’ loved it.” She stared at the floor for a bit, then took another drink. “So what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Was he fuckin’ you too?”

“What? No, of course not! Do I look like someone who fucks dudes?”

“Well...” She stared me down for a second, then burst out laughing. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. He wasn’t into dudes. Trust me, I tried - it would’ve been hot, goddamn - but he always said no.”

“Jesus Christ.” Hearing Miki describe her sexual fantasies about Daizo was not how I had expected the day to go. “You’re a one-track mind, huh.”

“You know it, man. Especially the past week. I’m surprised you and your roommate girl could get any sleep.” We had actually heard some of the louder noises from across the hall, but had tried our best to ignore them. “I gotta find out who set the dorms on fire and thank them. Imagine if he had died without giving me the ride of my goddamn life!”

I take another gulp. “Honestly, at this point I’m just surprised you two weren’t fucking when he died.”

She goes silent, and slowly takes another drink. Something seems off.

“Hold up; you weren’t, were you?”

“No. Shut up.”

Something about that morning comes back to me: the colors. “Wait a minute... He was stark naked! You were doing CPR while he had his cock out!” She dropped the bottle, and I heard it spill onto the floor, but I didn’t care - I was laughing harder than I had in days. “I’ve been beating myself up this whole time, but you literally fucked him to death! I can’t believe you-”

I didn’t even see anything - there was just a sudden impact on the left side of my face, which threw me to the floor, and sent my glasses flying.

I tried to get my bearings - not helped by the alcohol - but before I could figure out what was going on, Miki was on top of me, pressing her left arm into my throat, pinning me to the ground. I instinctively brought my arms up to try and push her off, but didn’t manage to do anything before she hit me in the face again, and again. She was yelling something, but I couldn’t tell what; the whole world was already spinning.

I tried moving her arm, but she was too strong. I tried covering my face to stop her from hitting me, but she was too fast, and had the benefit of being able to see. I flailed my legs to no avail, then tried to choke her as well, but it didn’t seem to do anything. Desperate, I begin clawing at her neck, eventually tearing at the collar of her t-shirt, but all that seemed to do was rip the clothes, not stop her punches.

Finally, out of options, I went limp, accepting my fate. Finally, after a few more punches, she stopped. I gasped for air as she removed her arm, only for her to thrust her knee forwards into my crotch, causing me to instinctively curl up. Then, and only then, did she get up, open the door, and walk away.

I lay there for what seemed like forever, nauseous and bruised, bleeding onto what used to be Daizo’s carpet. I hoped I would die. It would’ve been fitting, if Miki had killed both of us in that room. And the pain would’ve gone away - the pain pulsing in the left side of my face, the pain in my stomach, and the pain of having missed out on a happy life. Instead of getting sad about being happy, and getting happy about being sad... Maybe it would be better if it all went away.

Unfortunately, it was not to be. I lied there for what felt like hours, until I heard a knock at the door. I froze, thinking it was Miki, back to finish the job, and didn’t say anything at first.

Another knock. “Kenji Setou, are you in there?”

It wasn’t Miki - I vaguely recognized it as the voice of a third-year. “Yeah, yeah, I’m here.” Finally, I thought, some help had arrived.

The door burst open, and a trio of boys walked in, briefly surveying the room before the leader of the group spoke to me. “You’re coming with us. Now.”

“I... I don’t know if...” Before I could even finish my sentence, the other two grabbed my arms, lifted me up from underneath my shoulders, and began to carry me out of the room and down the hall. I didn’t know where I was going, but at the time, I didn’t really care.

I started caring pretty quickly once I woke up.

My head hurt, my face hurt, my stomach hurt, and I was in an unfamiliar room with multiple angry men, some in suits. “Ugh... What happened?”

The suited man closest to me replied, as the others looked on. “What happened, Mr. Setou, is that you got yourself into big trouble.”

“Trouble? I...” I realized what I had been doing, and where they had found me. “Oh, right, the alcohol. Yeah. Shouldn’t’ve brought it onto campus. I’m sorry.”

“That’s the least of your worries.” I suddenly remembered that I had actually stolen the alcohol, too, but the man soon made it clear that he wasn’t interested in that either. “I’d be more worried about what you did to Ms. Miura.”

“What I...” Memories of the fight came back to me. “You mean what she did to me? Choked me, beat my face in, kneed me in the balls?”

“Was that before or after you tried to grope her?”

“W-What? I didn’t-”

“I suggest you pull yourself together and tell us the truth pretty quickly, Mr. Setou.”

So I told them the truth. I told them every detail. They asked their questions over and over, and I just kept telling them the truth. Some of them believed me, I think. Probably not enough of them.

But I couldn’t tell everyone the truth.

Miki was a popular girl who knew every gossip in the school. I was one shut-in guy whose only friends had either died or were on another continent. I was never going to win the propaganda war. Everywhere I went - even once they stopped having a guy follow me everywhere - I heard their whispers, and I swear I could see their stares. They wouldn’t go near me.

Fine. I didn’t need them. There was no point anymore anyways.

The girls’ dorm got fixed, and they all went back to their own rooms. At least it meant fewer people gawking at me in the hall. I didn’t keep track of when school was going to start again - they were probably going to expel me anyways. The only date I still cared about was the day Elise got back, but even that was probably pointless: they had moved all of her stuff out of my room anyways, so there was no need for her to come to my room.

Still, my heart leapt when I heard a knock on my door that day, before realizing that it was probably just someone from the administration. “What do you want?”

“Kenji?” It was actually Elise’s voice. I froze, not sure whether to run to the door or curl up and try to fight the delusion.

I hedged my bets. “The door’s unlocked.” It was required to be.

Light from the hallway spilled in as the door opened, and I couldn’t stop myself from turning to see who was there. Sure enough, it was Elise, looking as beautiful as ever, though it felt like she was looking at me differently, and it hurt. Just like at the convenience store, except worse, because it was real this time. “Kenji...”

“Why are you here?”

“Kenji, they said... They called my parents, and they talked to me, and the girl who used to be across the hall from us came up to me, and-”

“Miki.” My voice is loaded with disdain. “She lied to you.”

“What? Why would she-”

“Daizo died, the day you left. Because of me and Miki. When I told her that, she beat me up. Then she claimed I tried to grope her so that I’d get in trouble instead.”

Elise was dumbfounded, and took a while to respond. “What do you mean, because of you?”

By that point I had told the story so often that it didn’t mean anything to me when I repeated it. “He needed to take medication for his heart condition. He always forgot, and I always reminded him. But all of that week, I forgot too. Combined with Miki having sex with him the whole time they were rooming together... It was too much.”

“Kenji, that’s not-”

“Don’t. Don’t tell me it’s not my fault.” My voice wavered, and tears began to roll down my cheeks. “Don’t let me start thinking it’s yours instead.”

I could hear her gasp, and she began speaking through sobs. “Kenji, before I left, you made me a promise.”

If there was any more of my heart left to break, it would’ve shattered on the spot. But despite the tears on my face, I couldn’t let myself feel any more.

“I’m sorry, Elise.” She sobbed harder. ”I didn’t realize how bad I would be at keeping it.”

“Kenji, please, I need-”

“Don’t!” Her voice, her hair, the feeling of holding her hand, of having it squeeze back - I pressed on my forehead as it began to ache. “I can’t, I can’t! I couldn’t help Daizo, I couldn’t help myself, and now I can't help you.” I looked up at her, wondering whether it would be the last time. “Save yourself. Don’t drown trying to rescue me.”

“Kenji, I love you.”

I hung my head. “I loved you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“There. Are you happy now? Did you enjoy getting a special screening of my life falling apart in slow motion?”

“Mr. Setou, as I said before, I needed to hear your story so that I could help you.”

“Well, the story’s over. Are you helping yet?”

“It has certainly informed my recommendation.”

“Great. Are you going to recommend what they want to hear, or are you going to set yourself up for disappointment when they ignore you?”

She smiles. “I don’t usually discuss meetings I’ve had with other students, for confidentiality reasons. But I’ve received special permission from one Ms. Laennec.”

More secrets. Or maybe more lies. It doesn’t matter which. “So what?”

“When I met with her, she had a lot of good things to say about you. She was adamant that you had told the truth, and put a lot of weight behind what you had said. And she was very distraught at the idea that others might not do the same.”

I’m surprised, but that just makes it more likely to not be true. I simply shrug.

“Anyways, that’s all I needed from you for today. You can go now, if you like.” I get up and head for the door, but the woman continues. “However, you would do well to be more optimistic about your own future. I see things looking up for you.”

I scoff. “Your eyes must be even worse than mine.”

What a brilliant, challenging and complicated piece! No surprises there considering, but man, that got particularly dark. I’m not sure I would have taken the quite dramatic turn you did in the end there, particularly because I think Kenji just realising that Miki is capable of being so apathetic towards Daizo (which of course, she isn’t, it’s a defence mechanism) is enough to show Kenji’s distrust and resentment starting to grow. (And having Miki behave in such a disgusting way sort of seems to confirm Kenji’s weirdly “incel” behaviour too…).

I mean, thematically it’s brilliant having Daizo sort of stand as a replacement (precursor) to Hisao, and I think it works for the most part - though I expect logistically the school wouldn’t set the next kid with a heart condition on him after that.

Anyway, the middle section really captures the beauty of a budding romance and oddly enough it got me hungry for more COMpromise, because my god do you do the lovey stuff well! The little language games they play is a touch of brilliance, and I adore the character of Elise and the accompanying bitter sting that the one person Kenji’s trusts, who (in his head betrayed him once) will betray him again by leaving. Ouch!

Brilliantly done and a fantastic take on the prompt!

Feurox wrote: ↑Wed Dec 29, 2021 8:53 pm I mean, thematically it’s brilliant having Daizo sort of stand as a replacement (precursor) to Hisao, and I think it works for the most part - though I expect logistically the school wouldn’t set the next kid with a heart condition on him after that.

Well, logistically the school never would have put boys and girls in the same room in the first place, but little that could be done about that, since it was in the prompt.

Mirage_GSM wrote: ↑Sun Dec 26, 2021 9:11 am I have to say with that prompt I would never have considered writing anything but a crackfic (and considering what happened the last time I tried to write one it wouldn't have been pretty...).

You took it and wrote a character drama instead.

Honestly, I like to think of my secret santa entries as toeing the line between crackfic and drama. They're all a little nonsense, but in a somewhat suspenseful and logical way. It's satisfying to make something off-the-wall feel a bit more normal, or at least understandable. In that sense, I'm actually really glad that I got this prompt!

Feurox wrote: ↑Wed Dec 29, 2021 8:53 pm What a brilliant, challenging and complicated piece! No surprises there considering, but man, that got particularly dark. I’m not sure I would have taken the quite dramatic turn you did in the end there, particularly because I think Kenji just realising that Miki is capable of being so apathetic towards Daizo (which of course, she isn’t, it’s a defence mechanism) is enough to show Kenji’s distrust and resentment starting to grow. (And having Miki behave in such a disgusting way sort of seems to confirm Kenji’s weirdly “incel” behaviour too…).

I mean, thematically it’s brilliant having Daizo sort of stand as a replacement (precursor) to Hisao, and I think it works for the most part - though I expect logistically the school wouldn’t set the next kid with a heart condition on him after that.

Anyway, the middle section really captures the beauty of a budding romance and oddly enough it got me hungry for more COMpromise, because my god do you do the lovey stuff well! The little language games they play is a touch of brilliance, and I adore the character of Elise and the accompanying bitter sting that the one person Kenji’s trusts, who (in his head betrayed him once) will betray him again by leaving. Ouch!

Brilliantly done and a fantastic take on the prompt!

I know what you mean about the end getting a bit dark, and I was actually a little worried about it - not that it would be too gritty, but that it would leave the wrong taste in one's mouth (despite that being the intended place to leave Kenji). In the end, I felt that the reader's perception of Kenji as a potentially unreliable narrator would help soften that blow, especially given the paranoia he exhibits throughout the framing. I hadn't thought of using Miki's grief handling as a way of irking Kenji, but in retrospect, perhaps I should've; I assumed that his indifference towards Miki's relationship with Daizo (and Daizo's interaction with girls in general) at the beginning of the story would carry through, but Kenji undergoes a lot of changes, so there's no reason that couldn't change as well. An interesting idea for a different take on the ending.

Daizo being like "the cooler Hisao" was kind of just a joke that only lasted for the first paragraph of narration, but I enjoyed making it a big part of Kenji's personality, which adds weight to his later interactions with Hisao. In canon, Hisao constantly feels like Kenji is too friendly (as I read it), as if mistaking him for someone else - and I wanted Daizo to be that someone else, with all the associated traits. Logistically, putting Hisao there is a great idea. Ethically or emotionally, perhaps not so much. :P

The middle romance section was the one I planned the least for, and the one I made the most cuts from, probably because I originally wanted to add a bunch more moments to solidify the bond between Kenji and Elise. This was exacerbated by it being a whirlwind romance, so to speak: from the reader's perspective, it feels like there's not much time between them meeting and them having sex - because there isn't! But I'm glad I got the ideas and emotions across, because writing good romance is a skill I'd like to have, even if it's an insane romance like this. Oh, and no promises. ;P

Elise was a joy to write. As with so many of my plot points, it started off as a joke, and then got me really interested in the mechanics. I'm not really big on Japanese, but I've picked up bits and pieces over the past year, and I have a little background in linguistics, so the idea of writing an exchange student's dialogue actually seemed really interesting. In the end, I didn't use most of the really neat ideas I had for depicting the idiosyncrasies of a French speaker's Japanese in English (sentence order, excess pronouns and articles, attempted extra tenses, and maybe - no idea how I would've done this - pitch accent?) due to time constraints, but hopefully I made it noticeable without being overbearing (the way some half-baked second-language speakers are written). Also, I've learned that coming up with names for fictional songs, bands, and shows is even more fun than coming up with chapter titles.

Oh, and I forgot to mention in my original post: I don't know French, so I enlisted my friend Razoredge to proofread those segments for me, and I'm super grateful for his help! And thanks to all of you for the kind comments - nothing's more satisfying than seeing others enjoy your work <3

It's (just a bit after) Christmas, and you know what that means: It's time for another writers' secret santa! This year's secret santa got off to a bit of a late start, and I was busier than usual as well, so I couldn't meet my usual self-imposed December 25th deadline. But I powered through anyways - it gave me something to worry about during the otherwise boringly peaceful holidays :P

But anyways, enough whining, let's get into the (hopefully) good stuff! My prompt this year was: Due to unfortunate circumstances (renovations, water damage etc.) Yamaku students are temporarily forced to room together in the time leading up to Christmas. (Any pair - or several - except the obvious ones (Hanako/Lilly, Emi/Rin, Misha/Shizune, Hisao/Kenji); OCs permitted/encouraged), from long-time fellow writer Mirage_GSM!

Now, if you've read my stories before, you might be thinking, "hang about, this prompt seems familiar", and indeed it does. But that's okay! My M.O. when it comes to prompt-driven fics is breaking the mold, which means there's not a chance in hell I'd end up telling the same story twice. After all, a great me once said:

Craftyatom wrote: ↑Mon Jan 03, 2022 2:19 amHonestly, I like to think of my secret santa entries as toeing the line between crackfic and drama.

So, no matter what you're expecting, prepare for subversion, in Worlds Apart! It's only a Journey reference if you want it to be.

(Also huge thanks as always to me mate Feurox for proofreading <3 )