Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]

[dewelar]

As always, thanks to all for the kind words thus far.

Going back to the interlude...

In the immortal words of George Takei: Ohhhh myyy.

I know I've mentioned it before, but you do know that Takei's is the voice I have in my head for Nurse, right?

However, I think you're self-conscious enough as an author to know this, and have already worked out a far more interesting and in-character way for things to, *ahem*, develop from here.

So far, so good, I hope...

In fact, if the person who's pounding on the door is person I think it is -- Emi -- she'll probably be more upset over Hisao getting drunk as a punk skunk and missing their morning run than having two amorous guests making themselves overly welcome.

Actually, I thought this outcome was fairly obvious, so was (pleasantly) surprised to read all the ensuing speculation .

stuff

Hey! A Helbereth sighting! *ticks off box on his KS-fanfic bucket list*

Dewelar, you son of a bitch. It's totally Iwanako.

Sorry, but it's not time for that yet.

In the beginning I was a bit confused because I read it in Lilly's voice... It was really strange up to the part where she thought she sounded like Rin in her head which is something Lilly probably wouldn't think^^°

I thought the "nightmares" bit would have been a dead giveaway .

It's funny, too, because you've never been anything but honest about being worried about me. Come to think of it, neither was Lilly."

It's a bit tricky, but I think this should be "...so was Lilly"

You're right, that is tricky. I was thinking I needed to make "neither" agree with "never" in the previous sentence. Both ways actually kind of sound awkward to me, so perhaps there's a better construction. I'll ponder this one.

If they are...can you...take them back?

I love this line!
I also like the scene with Rin at the end. One of the best Rin scenes I've seen.

Thanks on both!

[Minion of Chaos]

I know I've mentioned it before, but you do know that Takei's is the voice I have in my head for Nurse, right?

This is something so many people would understand, but not many would actually get. Tip of the hat for the chapter and that gag lol

EDIT: Wait, I was thinking of the wrong thing. Just know that if Takei weren't available for the voice, Zapp Brannigan could also fill in haha

[Mahorfeus]

Ah, so it was Emi after all! Well, I guess it was only half as obvious as you intended. Or perhaps I am just twice as dense. Ah, well. Onward!

I'm glad that Emi took the whole situation pretty well... or at least, as well as one probably could in that kind of awkward situation. Better than Hanako will take it, I am guessing. Her backpedaling in the chapter kind of irked me, but I suppose her kinds of problems cannot be gotten over so easily. Two steps forward, one step backward, it seems.

I am not sure what to anticipate from Taka Taka. Another monkey wrench? I'm predicting that it won't be, lest another OC brings everything crashing down where Noriko failed!

All in all, great chapter, as usual.

[Blasphemy]

Hmm this may be my favorite Emi chapter yet. The conversation with Rin was ingenious.

"Yeah, I...do want to be able to work with the...um...green art supplies. The problem is that...I think they might have already turned...um...purple?"

Dem colors... This is like the perfect Rin dialog. You aren't quite sure whether she's on quite the same wavelength as you are—probably not—but it hardly matters as it still ends up being insightful to your situation at hand. Feels like Emi successfully converted her thoughts into a Rin-compatible format.

That said, it's a pity Hisao didn't hammer some stakes through Emi's running blades before approaching the dating subject. The misunderstandings...and then Emi even runs away so poor, confused Hisao doesn't even have the chance to get angry properly. Was somewhat looking forward a little outburst and demand of straight talk after Hisao got irritated with Emi's constantly mentioning Hanako.

Wouldn't be surprised if Hisao ended up standing there for a minute, then went into his room to inspect himself closely in a mirror, wondering "Is there something wrong with me or is just everyone else being ridiculous?"

Emi should've immediately called Hisao after her talk with Rin instead of delaying that until the next run. Then again I just recalled that her battery was empty, but then try to talk to him in person. I mean if Hisao doesn't appear the next time around she really can't complain. But this way she's going to have her mother-talk beforehand, so let's see what that brings.

edit:
The whole autograph scene struck me as a bit odd, mostly because I've never seen Emi signing autographs in KS or any fanfic and wondered if that's even a thing she'd do.

[bhtooefr]

But this way she's going to have her mother-talk beforehand, so let's see what that brings.

Ooh. Good point. Unless she simply avoids home, which she might, seeing as her dorm room is still hers.

I'm not sure which POV would be more interesting next - Lilly or Hanako. We know how Hanako's probably freaking out about Noriko, though, and her POV wouldn't add much to that.

But, then, Meiko POV would be Highly Interesting, especially given the little tidbit that appears to have been revealed about Emi's past in this chapter (and I'm surprised nobody else has commented on it).

So one thing I've noticed on another readthrough... Emi is rather quick to use "Noriko" mentally, rather than "Yoshimura", for someone she's just met. Is this an attempt to Westernize (but she uses Yoshimura later) the style, is it intentional on Emi's part, or...?

[Mirage_GSM]

I thought the "nightmares" bit would have been a dead giveaway .

Well, it's been some time since the last Lilly chapter, so I wasn't sure if she had some as well.

I'm glad that Emi took the whole situation pretty well... or at least, as well as one probably could in that kind of awkward situation. Better than Hanako will take it, I am guessing.

Yep. At the moment Hisao seems to be leaning more and more towards her, and she's probably the only one who doesn't notice.
I'm not sure if it's intentional, but there's also the atmosphere of the scenes with Hisao and Emi as opposed to the scenes with Hisao and Hanako. The former are a lot more relaxed than the latter.

[dewelar]

So one thing I've noticed on another readthrough... Emi is rather quick to use "Noriko" mentally, rather than "Yoshimura", for someone she's just met. Is this an attempt to Westernize (but she uses Yoshimura later) the style, is it intentional on Emi's part, or...?

...or an oversight on the author's part . It's been fixed now.

[Oscar Wildecat]

I wish I knew the answer to that, Rin. I really do. I suppose I could just state the obvious. "Because I'm the stupidest person that ever walked the face of the earth."

There's silence for a second, but then Rin rolls over and looks me in the face curiously. She tilts her head and looks at me sideways, then does the same thing in the other direction. Then she takes my face and tilts it sideways. Finally, she rolls back to where she was and says, "No, I don't think there's a perspective where that's true."

Have I ever mentioned that I love your Rinterpretation of Rin? If not, let met say:

I love your Rinterpretation of Rin!

[dewelar]

Have I ever mentioned that I love your Rinterpretation of Rin? If not, let met say:

I love your Rinterpretation of Rin!

Thanks . I think I've finally gotten past the feeling that writing her is too personal, and now doing it is just pure joy.

In other news...for the first time in months, I just tossed out pretty much the entirety of what I had written the coming chapter because it just wasn't working. For those who have gotten used to this story updating every couple of weeks...well, if there was ever a time when that wasn't going to happen, this will be it. Thanks in advance for your patience!

[Mahorfeus]

Could that mean that the next chapter will be a :shock:ing one? The anticipation intensifies.

[dewelar]

Well, here I am awake at 3 AM because I finally figured out the last piece to put in place for my first draft. That means I'm only a day or two behind my usual schedule, and if that holds true the next chapter will probably be posted on Wednesday or Thursday.

Things I have learned this week:

- I can still write a thousand or so words on a day when I feel half-dead.
- It still nags at me when Emi chapters get fewer comments than any other ones.
- My occasional fantasy of turning this into an ongoing story beyond the planned ending is exactly that: fantasy.
- Since I started writing this story, I have lost ~40 pounds. I do not know if there's any connection, although feeling better about myself through this writing and the accompanying feedback has probably helped a great deal.

As always, thanks for reading!

[brythain]

Well, here I am awake at 3 AM because I finally figured out the last piece to put in place for my first draft. That means I'm only a day or two behind my usual schedule, and if that holds true the next chapter will probably be posted on Wednesday or Thursday.

Things I have learned this week:

- I can still write a thousand or so words on a day when I feel half-dead.
- It still nags at me when Emi chapters get fewer comments than any other ones.
- My occasional fantasy of turning this into an ongoing story beyond the planned ending is exactly that: fantasy.
- Since I started writing this story, I have lost ~40 pounds. I do not know if there's any connection, although feeling better about myself through this writing and the accompanying feedback has probably helped a great deal.

As always, thanks for reading!

All round, I'm glad. But I must say that I think my Emi arc gets the fewest readers too. Maybe she's the one young lady that many readers prefer remains the same as she was in the VN… I wonder! Looking forward to the next chapter!

[Mirage_GSM]

It has always been the case that Emi wasn't as "poplar" as the other girls - though it's not as bad as in the olden days before the full release...

[Guest Poster]

The funny thing about Emi is that while she's seldom at the top of anyone's list, she's also seldom at the bottom. Some people adore Hanako's and Lilly's routes while disliking Shizune's and Rin's routes. For others, it's the exact opposite. Just about everyone thinks Emi's pretty likable, just not at the top spot. The fact that Emi had a rather rough start (loli-like appearance at first and a rather underwhelming Act 1 ending) probably didn't help.

[Mahorfeus]

*looks down at his favorite route list and sees that he pretty much proves Guest Poster's point*

Well, at least in the context of this story, I am somewhat fed up with the way Emi is acting. I feel like commenting on it more would be a little redundant, since I'm never sure of how far these breakthroughs of hers will take her.

In much the same way, in her own route I wanted to deck Hisao for clutching the idiot ball so tightly.

Who knows, maybe they deserve each other.