She pauses for a moment. “I think Saki really wants to make things right, but I don’t think she knows how.”
I frown. “I mean, Chisato said she wanted to get together with everyone after, um, this. I don’t think she’d say that if she expected things to go badly.”
“I think they’ll be okay. It’s not going to be the same, though.”
I sigh. “Well...I guess everything is changing, so why not this too?”
Noriko takes another sip. “Can I ask one more question?”
“Fire away.”
“What did you decide on? You and Saki, I mean.”
I hesitate for a few seconds. “I think we’re going to give it a try,” I say, lifting and draining the rest of my cup.
“You are?”
I nod. “Yeah. It’s going to be hard, with her in Osaka. She might be able to come visit, or I might be able to move eventually, but I don’t know,” I admit. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “If she was able to move to Tokyo like she wanted, that would have made things a lot easier, but…”
Her face twists again. “It’s her dad, right?”
“It’s not just that. She was supposed to get into the same school Chisato got accepted into. After Christmas though, Saki had to go home and she missed the deadline to finish her recording.”
“She worked so hard on it. I saw how great she got with playing in time with the computer. Mr. Takamura spent a lot of time helping her with that.”
“So did you,” I say. “Mrs. Sakamoto says he doesn’t just let anyone touch that board.”
“Chisato got in, it’s so unfair,” Noriko says, her demeanor changing enough for me to take notice. “Saki would have gotten in for sure if she was just able to record her half.”
I think about what Mrs. Sakamoto had told me two days ago, about how it might not quite be over yet. But with the performance tomorrow and graduation the day after that, what can she do? Record something else? Re-record with Saki’s pieces so she can at least get them down? Even without it being used as an application, to think that Saki might not be able to record anything after all that work and effort - to end up with nothing from it - seems unnecessarily cruel.
I haven’t heard anything from Saki or from Mrs. Sakamoto yet that sounds surprising, so all I can do is hope that the teacher is still working on...whatever it is she’s trying to plan.
“So what is she going to do?” Noriko asks me, shaking me from my thoughts and back to the present.
I breathe in again, and try to let it out as slowly as the last one. I almost manage to do so.
“Like I said, she’s stuck down there in Osaka. Her father doesn’t want her rocking the boat. It’s been really stressful for her, and I just…I…”
A wave of emotion crashes into me, so intense and raw that I get physically dizzy. I place my palms against my forehead, rubbing my eyes so hard I see sparks.
“I...I don’t know,” I choke out. “I don’t know about any of it, Noriko.”
“Hisao?” she asks, concerned.
I take another shaky breath. “I want to figure out a way where we can stay together, but I don’t know how.” I shake my head a bit. “With her father being the way he is, and with that threat he made, I just...I don’t know. I wish there was something I could do. I feel so damned helpless and useless here,” I finish, my eyes burning with the tears forming there.
She reaches her hand out and places it on my arm. “If she does what he wants, do you think he’d ever ease up on her?”
“I don’t know if he would. I don’t even know if it would matter. She’s always going to have that lingering over her, and with her ataxia the way it is...god damnit.”
“Hisao, don’t-”
“-I’m sorry,” I say, letting my arms fold onto the tabletop so I can bury my face in them. My eyes are blurry and my cheeks are hot, and I don’t want anyone to see me like this right now.
“Could she fight it?”
I mumble a reply. “She says she can, and she will, but...she shouldn’t have to. She’s already had her shot at Tokyo taken away from her, and she only has a few more years before...look, she’s fought hard enough.”
“There has to be something. Could her brother step in and do anything?”
“No. He’s family, but he won’t outrank their father, if he did take Saki’s side.”
“Well if it’s a family thing, wouldn’t-”
Noriko stops her sentence so abruptly it causes me to lift my head off the table and look at her. The hand she had on my arm has moved over her mouth, a startled expression on her face. When I furrow my brow in confusion, she seems to wince.
“What was that?” I ask.
“I’m sorry, I just, I had an idea but…”
“Tell me, Noriko. Please.”
Noriko pauses for a few long seconds, debating with herself. Her eyes finally soften, and revere me with a tint of sadness.
“If it’s a family thing, wouldn’t Saki’s husband have first say in things like that?”
My eyebrows knit together. “What?”
She continues, her voice strangely subdued. “Her father is trying to threaten that he’ll sue for protective custody, and that he’ll be able to make all her medical decisions for her as she gets worse, right? If she was married, her husband should be the one that would be making those decisions.”
No. I heard her the first time. I think I just needed to hear it a second time to remove all doubt as to what she just said.
She’s right. Her father wouldn’t be able to do anything, and if he tried, she’d have another legal shield. What Noriko said burrows itself deep into my brain, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
There’s only so much I can do as her boyfriend, but if I was more than that…
Noriko winces when she sees the realization and its implications fully hit me. “You did ask me to tell you.”
I sit back up, brushing my hair out of my eyes. “Yeah, I did. I’m glad you did, but...I’m not going to lie, there’s a part of me that wishes you hadn’t, as long as we’re both being honest.”
“Hisao, I’m sorry, I was just thinking out loud…”
As soon as I allow myself to entertain the thought, a flood of doubts make themselves known, but they can’t drown the idea.
I bring a hand up to my mouth, my mind whirling. “That would be true, wouldn’t it? But, even if it is true, we wouldn’t be able to until we were twenty, and...and holy shit, am I actually talking about this?”
Noriko puts her hand back on my arm. “I mean...do you think she would, if you asked?”
Every reason that immediately pops up, either for or against, is immediately replaced by two counter arguments rapidly numbing my thought process. It all too quickly becomes a chaotic buzz that I can’t make sense of.
“I...I don’t know. That’s a really heavy question,” I say.
Noriko tries to smile. “Well...you’d have a little over a year to figure it out.”
“Saki-”
My phone chirps in my pocket, causing me to jump slightly. When I see Saki’s name on the display, I open it and read the text she sent me.
“It...uh...looks like they’re done.”
“Are we?” Noriko asks, scanning around her table to see if there’s any piece of trash she missed.
“Yeah, we are,” I answer, bracing my hand on the table for a few seconds. “I just...kind of need to shift gears here.” When I finally stand, I take a deep breath and my lungs manage to cooperate this time.
“Hisao, I’m sorry. I won’t say anything about what I said, or what we talked about, to Saki.”
“Th...thanks,” I say. “I appreciate it. I’m uh, going to have to do a lot more thinking about this.”
“Call me or text me later if you need to, okay?”
I nod. “I think I’m going to have to.”
Once we sort out our bill, we walk back into the blinding light of the plaza. The sun is lower in the sky but the area itself is brighter from the light reflected off the steel and glass surrounding it. It takes a few seconds for our eyes to adjust, but when they do, I can see Saki and Chisato standing on the other side of it.
Both of our groups walk towards each other and end up meeting right in the middle, where the ice rink was several months ago.
I can already see in their body language that the two of them are feeling some kind of relief. Neither of them are nearly as stiff as they were when we all met earlier, and every motion they make as they walk towards us shows us how weary the two of them are feeling. Saki’s leaning rather heavily on her cane, and I automatically move next to her side.
“H...how’s it going?” Noriko tentatively asks, trying to broach the subject delicately.
Saki and Chisato glance at each other, the former with a small amount of apprehension on her face. It’s not her place to answer, and she’s not going to.
Chisato turns towards the two of us and gives a small smile. “We’re good.”
I feel my shoulders sag slightly, and sense Noriko doing the same next to me. Once the tension breaks, all four of us can seem to relax just a little bit. Not nearly as much as we were before, but what we do have there seems to be something we’re all grateful to hang on to. Saki links her fingers in mine and gives a hard squeeze.
Chisato turns her wrist up to glance at her watch. “We have about twenty minutes to kill before Mitsuru gets here. Anyone have a store they want to check out? I still need that tie.”
“I think I’d like to walk through Plus Two again, if that’s okay,” Saki says.
“Sounds good. I can look at another season’s worth of clothes I’ll never be able to afford,” I agree.
Noriko and Chisato make no objections, so we make our way through the throngs of people making up the palisade around the outer edge of the plaza. Less than two minutes later, I’m holding the door open.
With a practiced precision, the three girls break away from each other almost instantly to descend on different parts of the store. I’m left alone at the front, once again gazing upon a series of mannequins vying for my attention.
I take a look at the one meant to represent my demographic, apparently; a faded shirt and ripped up denim pants. A quick glance at the price tag both infuriates me and strangely doesn’t surprise me at all. I could buy half a dozen sets of jeans and shirts and just wear them a few months to get the same look. If there’s one thing I’m confident I’m never going to understand, it’s fashion. We never come in here without one of the girls asking me for my opinion on an outfit or two, and I am unqualified to give any answer except “it looks good.”
I wander deeper into the store, past the display near the front. I turn the corner past a rack of black shirts and end up fairly close to the jewelry counter. I always take a look whenever we come here, but it’s more out of sense of the idle curiosity I treat everything in here with. This time though, my eyes linger a few seconds longer. There’s a large variety of necklaces, earrings, and piercings - some of which make me cringe when I try to figure out just how they’re supposed to work - and a smaller selection of rings in the bottom case. They’re all a bit gaudy, and not very traditional at all...
I turn to look at Saki, halfway across the store. She’s chatting excitedly with Noriko, her eyes lit up and sparkling. Just seeing the way her face beams when she’s doing something as simple as talking about clothes is enough to make my heart hurt.
So, what am I supposed to do?
What if she says no?
What if she says yes?
Is this something that I really want?
I face away from her, staring at the plate glass window and my reflection in it. I take a moment to stare - really stare - at the person looking back at me.
I hardly recognize him.
This person is taller and he carries himself better. He smiles more. He laughs more. A bit more compulsive in some ways, a bit less in others.
We both smirk at the same time. How did I manage to change so much?
I sigh, and admit to myself I’m not going to be able to wrap my head around this tonight. It’s probably going to take at least a few days to figure out what I think about the whole situation, and I absolutely would need to talk to Saki about it, but...as much as it makes me feel bad to admit it, I’m glad there’s not exactly a pressing need to bring it up right away. Saki has enough to worry about right now, having just patched things up with Chisato and focusing on the long day that tomorrow promises to be.
(continued...)