My sister hangs up her phone.
"So, how's Hanako?"
"She seems to be doing quite well."
"Surprised?"
She smiles like it was her own daughter. "No, not really. I meant what I said to her last night. I know she will grow into a strong and confident woman."
"Too bad you won't be there to watch it happen, eh?"
Lilly makes that humming sound of sort-of-agreement she likes to make. I know she's not happy with the arrangement, but really, she brought it on herself this time. "We'll be in touch. Of that I'm quite certain."
Yeah, she's sure about a lot of things that I wish she wasn't. "You ready to go, sis?" I call to her, not waiting for an answer as I open her car door. We've already delayed this too long. While a part of me would be perfectly fine with our flight leaving without us, I don't want to deal with the aftermath of it.
"I suppose it is time to get going." She takes a deep breath, settling herself before getting in. I close the door behind her, then walk around the other side and get in.
"Didn't want to call your boyfriend?" I ask as I close my door. I'm honestly curious, since she hasn't said anything to me about the subject all week. Actually, Lils hasn't said much to me at all.
She frowns at the question. "Sadly, I don't think there's anything left for us to say to each other. If there was, we'd have said it yesterday."
I grunt a response and start the car. I figure I can try and get something out of her once we're on the road. I pull out of the driveway and give a last wave to Hideaki, who's come out front to watch us leave. Gonna miss the kid.
About ten minutes into the drive to the airport, I figure it's time to take another run at this wall. "So you wanna talk about it?" She doesn't say anything. I wonder if she's pretending to be asleep like she did on the drive from Yamaku. I say the next part under my breath to test the idea. "I was only trying to help."
"I know, but you really shouldn't have interfered."
Guess she's awake after all. Good, we'll at least get this out now. "Until we set foot in Scotland, it's still my responsibility to look after you. That kinda makes it my job to interfere."
My sister shakes her head. "You pick the worst times sometimes."
"Not like we had a lotta time left. Our parents were breathing down my neck, too, remember."
"Be that as it may, I wanted to be certain of my decision before telling anyone."
Great. Here we go with that again. "Ah, come on, sis. You made your decision the moment our parents put the idea in your head. I just clued him into what was about to come down."
Lilly winces at the accusation, but keeps her calm face on, at least for now. "You had no right to make that decision."
"Maybe not, but somebody had to make it. The kid deserved to know, didn't he?"
"Of course he did, but what he
deserved was to hear it from me."
Heh. Good thing I got my seat belt on, because the ride is getting bumpy. "Ah, come on! How long were you gonna let Hisao hang, sis? Right up to the last minute? Maybe even wait and see if he noticed you were gone?"
"Akira, you know that's not fair." I snort at that. "Well, then you'll be happy to know that you did help, just not in the way you probably would have preferred."
"Come again?"
"In the end, my conversation with Hisao that day was the thing that ensured, without any further doubt, that I would not be staying in Japan."
Ah. Shit.
"So, what, he just said "Bye, Lilly, have a nice life," and that's that?"
"No, that's what he said yesterday." Ouch. I didn't think things had gotten that bad. "Last Sunday, it was more that he treated my departure as a foregone conclusion."
Well, that definitely wasn't what I would have expected out of the kid. I'd figured, if I laid it on the table for him, it would light a fire under his ass, but he decided to fold up his tent instead. That's a damn shame for everybody.
Hisao was my last hope for getting my sister to stay in Japan. It was a long shot, sure, but it was worth a try. Nothing I said was gonna convince her –- if it was, it would have done it years ago –- and I love Hanako to bits, but if she thought Lils wanted to leave, she wasn't gonna stand up to her.
Still, something my sister said sets my teeth on edge. "Foregone conclusion, huh? All I told him was that you hadn't told me what your plans were. Why would he think otherwise?"
"Why don't you tell me, Akira?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know very well what I mean. What
exactly did you say to Hisao that day?"
Now how am I supposed to remember that? "Mainly, I gave him a little history lesson on the Clan Satou. Circumstances of how our little family issue came to be."
"From your point of view, of course." I roll my eyes at that one, glad Lils can't see it. She doesn't need to remind me that my take on why things are how they are is different from hers, but she takes every opportunity to do it anyway. "Akira, I know you don't approve of how our family has treated us. I just thought better of you than to drag someone else into the matter."
"I don't regret anything I said. He asked me how I felt about things, and I told him. Besides, the kid needed context for why you even had a decision to make in the first place."
Sis chews on this for a few seconds before responding. "Very well. Now is not the time to have this argument again, anyway. What else did you say?"
"Told him I was breaking up with my boyfriend. Reminded him that we're living in the real world, not a fairy tale, and you can't expect to set your life up a certain way and expect to live that way forever."
Lils turns her face toward me, and I can see she's fuming. "And those were the words you used? And you
wonder why he thought I'd made my decision already? Damn it, Akira, you all but told him that's what I was going to do!"
That brings me to a screeching halt. I just barely avoid doing the same with the Evo. I open my mouth to speak, but for all that comes out I might as well be our cousin. As I'm processing this, my sister continues.
"Maybe I should have done what you did with your boyfriend, just walk away from him without a second thought!" Yep, hitting below the belt all right. "Instead, I did something stupid. I kept hoping that Hisao would open up to me, so that I could do the same for him...but he never did, and now he never will."
"And now you're gonna say that's my fault? Fine. You know what I think? You didn't want to disappoint anybody, and you didn't want to have a confrontation, so you were hoping Hisao would give you an excuse. I guess that part's my fault, too, then, because you got just the excuse you needed, didn't ya?"
Lilly actually looks hurt by that jab. It might be true, but did I really need to throw that in her face? I gotta de-escalate things before one of us says something we're really going to regret. "Look, I'm not saying the way I did it was right, but you can't spare everybody pain forever, sis. I know you'd just as soon take it all on yourself, but being a martyr all the time is gonna take a toll. You wanna talk about Hanako becoming a strong woman, but Hisao's a big boy, too. He coulda handled it if you'd let him."
She sighs. Some of the steam seems to be gone from her engine, thank goodness. "I know that, Akira..."
"He's smart, too. He knew something was wrong, but he didn't know what. I just gave him a push in the right direction is all. Heh...well, I thought it was the right direction, but then I guess I messed a few things up."
"One thing I could have told you about Hisao is that he...thinks a lot about things. It's something he and I have in common, sometimes to our mutual detriment. I think it's why I wound up confessing to him first, and even then I might not have if I hadn't been so scared of losing him."
And here I went and told him that thinking about things was a good thing. Yeah, Akira, you really were batting a thousand that day.
"So...why aren't you scared now, sis?"
"What?"
"Of losing Hisao. When did you stop being scared?"
"I didn't, Akira. Not until...I'd already lost him."
"Well, then. When do you think you lost him?"
Lilly doesn't say anything for a long time after that. The only sound comes from the Evo, and unlike most times when I'm driving it's not a comforting sound. When she finally says something, she's a lot quieter than she's been through the rest of our talk.
"I...don't think I can point to a particular time. When we were sitting in the Shanghai that day, I just remembered all the times he would wave off my concerns about him. I think, perhaps, I didn't want to be any more of a burden to him than he allowed himself to be to me."
"Lils, let me tell you something. When you love somebody, they can never be a burden to you. Do you think I ever thought you were a burden to me, all those years we were sharing that apartment?"
"Of course not, but..."
"Have you ever thought that Hanako was a burden to you?"
"No! Never! How can you..."
"Calm down, sis. Just do the math. I know that's more Hisao's department, but this one's simple. The kid loved you. I could see it whenever he looked at you. You could never have been a burden to him, any more than he could have been to you."
My sister smiles sadly. "My, my. You really can be wise sometimes, Akira. I guess...you're not the only one who's made mistakes lately. Hisao and I...used to talk about how we were two kids playing at being adults. We thought we could create our own little family. I felt closer to Hisao and Hanako than I have to my parents in many years, but...we weren't ready for it, were we?"
"Guess not. Ya know, sis, all I wanted was for you to live your own life, to make your own choices. I chose to take care of you, because it was the best choice I had at the time, and I don't regret it for a second. I just hope someday, you can look back and say the same thing about the choices you made."
When she doesn't respond, I have one last question to ask. "Lilly, do you still love Hisao?"
My sister furrows her brow in thought. "You know, Hanako asked me that same thing, the day after our talk at the Shanghai. I couldn't answer then. I...don't think I can answer now, so I'll tell you what I told her. I'm going to need some time to think about it."
"Fair enough, I guess." What else can I say? If she doesn't know, she doesn't know.
A short time later, we arrive at the airport, and I send a message to HQ about where the Evo can be picked up. I am definitely going to miss my baby, here, but after all, it's a company car. I wonder what kind of deal I'll get with the new position.
After our bags are checked, we head into the airport. Much as I could use a beer right now, we don't have time. Considering how late it is, the place is kinda crowded, so I figure it's easiest just to head toward the gate now.
As we walk toward the security line, Lils tugs on my elbow. We stop walking, and I can see she's got her head cocked, like something's caught her ear.
"Did you...hear something?"
"I hear a lotta somethings. What something am I supposed to be hearing in particular?"
"I could have sworn...no, it's gone now. It's very late, and I think I'm just tired."
"Yeah, maybe." Lils' hearing picks up on things I don't even register more often than I care to admit, so I look around to see if there's anything out of the ordinary, just to be sure.
...
Nope, just the usual sights and sounds of the airport.
"Come on, sis, our flight's boarding soon."
====
Sometime mid-flight, I wake up. I see my sister has fallen asleep in her seat, which is an odd sight. She usually winds up shifting restlessly for the whole flight. I bet that's why she gets jet lag so bad.
As I'm trying to get comfortable again, I hear an odd sound in my head. It's almost inaudible over the sounds of the plane, but it's definitely there. It sounds like some kinda music, but really soft and tinny.
I look at Lils' face, and I can tell she's been crying, just a little. I take a clean napkin and gently wipe her face, trying not to wake her up. Then, I look down at her lap, and I see a small, wooden box. It's the music box that Hisao gave Lilly before our last trip to Scotland.
That must be what got her to sleep. Huh. Might be some regrets there after all...
~~~~
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