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Did you consider for a moment that sex can function as a decent remedy for most withdrawal symptoms? Lemons man... where are the lemons?

Headache's gone... my only regret is spelling 'occurs' wrong.

Helbereth wrote:Did you consider for a moment that sex can function as a decent remedy for most withdrawal symptoms? Lemons man... where are the lemons?

In a secluded place where only the proper dosages of certain pain pills can unleash them (see the USM Valentine's Day special for example.)

Presume at some point during Lent 2010 Lilly and George did come to know each other in the Biblical sense.

I have a hard enough time writing erotica as it is (I'm bad at it, for one, and uncomfortable writing it, for second) so I'm not gonna heap blindness on top of that as well.

Not for a while, anyway (takes notes for summer specials.)

Some people may think my choice of movie and holiday for this special is in poor taste. I would like to let those people know one of my mother’s uncles died nobly (for a generous interpretation of the word) attempting to smuggle alcohol across the Great Lakes from Canada during Prohibition (his car fell through the ice. That happened some times.)

Anywho, on with the show! We’re in mid-December of 2010 (I think) after the Road to Tokyo Summer Series. Enjoy!

“Come all you gallant heroes,
Along with me combined,
I’ll sing a song, it won’t take long,
Of the Fighting 69th.” -The Fighting 69th



Drink Hard on a Couch 3: Put the Mob Down!


“Okay, set her down,” Kenji grunted.

I groaned and lowered the massive TV down on Hanako and Lilly’s tea table under their dormitory window. Checking my heart with one hand and massaging my back with the other, I turned to my right to face Oji Homma, his tie-dye do-rag soaked with sweat and his backpack barely hanging on his shoulder.

When I was sure my heart was fine, I said, “Thanks man for the help –I keep forgetting how gorram heavy this thing is.”

Oji nodded and shimmied the pack off his back, “No worries, man. You said you were ordering a pizza?”

I nodded. Oji opened his pack and pulled out a stack of Attack on Titan chapters, slung the pack back over his shoulder, and said, “I’ll be in the hall until then.”

Kenji, who was on the opposite side of the TV, finished wiping the fog from his thick round glasses and said, “You could watch the movie with us, you know.”

“I’m good,” Oji stated, before walking out into the hall of the girl’s dormitory and closing the door behind him.

I sighed and turned to Kenji, “We really need to get him a date.”

Kenji frowned and nodded, “One we know hasn’t been corrupted by the Oprah Winfrey Book Club, like Sarah. Speaking of women that can kill us with a comb, I just wanna state I think this is a bad idea.”

I groaned and rubbed my forehead, “So you’ve said. Several times. But Misha and Shizune are going through some rough times, and while they’re working through it, they do need to give each other space. Bad enough you won’t let her in our dorm-”

“Which I have to sterilize now!” Kenji declared, “I mean I get letting Hanako chill there, but at this time of the month?” Kenji shuddered, “Not cool, man.”

“Hey, it got us the room,” I countered, “Lilly and George are on a date, and Akira wants us to meet the Boyfriend. Besides, she likes to be alone and play Fallout during the… Red Rage.”

We both shuddered before getting to the task of hooking up the TV and preparing the room for another Movie Night. Akira and Misha were both flying in before the upcoming break –Akira to be with her boyfriend and pick up Lilly for the trip to Scotland, and Misha to be with Shizune during her own school break. Akira enjoyed her last movie experience with us, so I invited her for this one, and when she asked if her boyfriend could come along, I agreed. Since she and Kenji seemed to get along, I figured it wouldn’t be a problem- and it wasn’t.

What was a problem was Misha. Kenji never got over his grudge with the old High School Student Council Duo, and while I managed to convince him that Misha needed people to turn to besides Shizune if shit got real, he absolutely refused to let her set foot in our dorm. Fortunately, George came to our rescue, taking Lilly on a date for the night and then back to his place afterward. Though getting Hanako out of the dorm during her period –and getting Kenji to let her hang there- took every diplomatic trick I had in the book (read, managing to kick his ass at Call of Duty) we eventually managed to sort out all the details, except for how to get the television we borrowed to Lilly and Hanako’s dorm.

Fortunately Oji, being the avid stoner that he was, could always be bought with food. So with all the problems dealt with, Kenji and I readied ourselves for a night of movie watching and camaraderie with friends and pseudo-family.

Not that Kenji would stop bitching about it. The man had his pride, after all. While I readied the food and beverages and he played with the wires, he kept griping about how letting Misha pick the movie was too much for even his magnanimity.

“I’m trying to be hospitable,” I replied to his griping, “And since we don’t really know her that well, I though she should get to pick something she might actually want to see.”

Kenji bolted up from the floor and pointed his finger dramatically at me, “Some day your logic will fail, and I will be there to savor that day!”

“Well, until then, play nice with the other kiddies,” I said.

Kenji grunted and went back to fiddling with the cables, “I will if she does.”

“That’s all I ask.”

“…You coulda at least asked what movie she was bringing,” Kenji remarked while he worked.

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” I replied, “This way I can watch you get riled up and help Misha feel welcome; it’s a win/win situation.”

Kenji grumbled something unflattering about my sweater-vests and continued setting up. It didn’t take very long to get everything ready, and it wasn’t long after we had finished that someone knocked at the door.

“Hi~, Hi~!” Misha’s voice called from the door.

I glared at Kenji and pointed a finger at him, “Behave.”

Kenji folded his arms and raised an eyebrow, “I’m not a dog, man.”

Pausing to glare some more at him, even if he was too fixed on the door to see, I headed for the door and opened it, and immediately found myself wrapped in a fierce hug that would’ve winded me if it wasn’t padded.

“Hicchan~!” Misha chirped as she hugged me, “I missed you~!”

“Missed you too, Misha,” I managed to say, “Now please let go.”

Misha giggled and pulled away, placing a backpack on the ground and taking off the light brown coat she was wearing. Apparently it wasn’t much colder in Japan than California, because under the coat she was wearing a brown skirt and pink tank-top that matched her long hair. While she took off her coat, Kenji loudly cleared his throat. Misha looked over at him and smiled.

“Hello, Kenji~,” she said, “Thank you for letting Hisao invite me over~.”

Kenji nodded once, “You’re welcome, Shiina.”

Misha blinked once at Kenji before tossing her coat on Lilly’s bed with the others. Hefting up her pack, she grinned and stated, “I brought California whiskey and~ rum for tonight, along with cookies~! Also, there’s a guy hanging around outside your door.”

“That’s my lab partner,” I said, “He helped us haul the TV here and now he’s waiting for pizza.”

“Oh,” Misha said. She opened her bag, pulled out a small clear plastic container of cookies, and turned around to poke her head outside, “Hi~, I’m Misha~! I heard you helped Hicchan and Kenji move the TV, so have some cookies~! Thanks for the help~!”

I leaned over to watch Misha hand the cookies to Oji, who was sitting right next to the door. He looked up from his reading at Misha and stared at the cookies for a moment, then up at the grinning woman, “…Are you a goddess?”

“Nope~! Just Misha~!” she declared, “Nice to meet you~!”

Handing him the cookies, she leaned back inside the dorm and closed the door behind her. Spinning on her heel to face me, she grinned and chirped, “You always know such interesting~ people, Hicchan!”

I nodded, “I seem to be some sort of magnet for them.”

Misha giggled and picked up her bag. She handed it to me so I could pull out the bottles and containers of cookies and place them with the other assorted food and drinks. While I did that, Kenji glared at Misha, who was too busy looking at my hands to notice.

“Hicchan~,” she said when I was finished with the food, “Where’s your engage~ment~ ring?”

I turned around and reached into my shirt, grabbing the silver chain wrapped around it. Pulling the chain up, I lifted it out from under my shirt to reveal the silver ring at the end of it, “My lab professors are really anal about jewelry, and I was so worried I’d lose it I nearly started a chemical fire, so now I just keep it close to my heart.”

Kenji groaned while Misha squealed in girlish delight, “That’s so sweet~! I can’t believe one of my friends is already~ engaged~! Hanako is so~ lucky~.”

I grinned, nodded, and tucked the ring back under my shirt, musing as I did so, “Yeah, but I am, too, so it evens out.”

“So,” Kenji stated, in an obvious effort to change the subject, “What movie did you choose for tonight?”

Misha turned to Kenji and grinned, “Gangs of New York.”

We both blinked at her, stunned into silence. Kenji was the first to recover, looking somewhere near Misha’s left ear and muttering, “Gangs… of New York?”

Misha nodded, “Uh-huh~! I’m a big~ Daniel Day-Lewis fan!”

Kenji turned to me and raised an eyebrow. I just shrugged. Misha looked at both of us, frowning.

“Is that a bad choice~?” She asked.

We both shook our heads and moved to speak, but someone knocking on the door interrupted us.

“Campus security!” someone outside shouted.

Part Two:

Kenji yelped, “Not again!” and dove under Hanako’s bed. Since her bed wasn’t high enough for him to actually do that, he ended up hitting his head on the side wood and clutching his skull, groaning in pain while Misha giggled.

Recognizing the voice, I turned to the door and shouted, “You’ll never take us alive, you sniveling servants of The Man!”

“You tell ‘em!” Kenji shouted from the floor in the fetal position, “Nothing but pain and death awaits those that dare enter this dorm! We’ll take you motherfuckers down with us!”

“Um…I got nothing,” the voice said, “Can you let us in now? There’s a hippie crying on the floor here and it’s kinda weirding me out.”

“Is that Akira~?” Misha asked, either used to such shenanigans at her own university, or just too chill to care either way.

I nodded and opened the door. Oji was indeed rocking back and forth on the floor, muttering to himself and being generally disturbing on multiple levels.

“Oji!” I snapped, “Sasha up and snap out of it!”

Oji stopped rocking and slowly looked up at me, “…You have potatoes?”

“No,” I replied, “But calm down, it’s just Lilly’s sister and her boyfriend.”

“Yo,” the aforementioned women stated, and I finally looked at the waiting people in the hallway.

Akira Satou was standing just outside the door, her normal pinstriped suit replaced with a black jacket and matching fedora tilted jauntily over her short blond hair. Standing next to her was a man who was maybe a centimeter taller than me, with short black hair and brown eyes. He was wearing a dark brown leather jacket.

“Hey,” I returned, “This is The Boyfriend, I take it?”

Akria grinned and nodded, “Yup! Hisao, Daichi Hashimoto. Daichi, this is the boyfriend- sorry, fiancé- of my sister’s best friend, Hisao Nakai.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Daichi said, sticking out his hand, which I took. He had a firm grip.

“Same here,” I stated, “Come on in. Misha’s already here, so we can get started soon.”

“Hi~ Hi~!” Misha called as I stepped aside so the two could enter. While Daichi took Akira’s coat and hat, I poked my head outside to make sure Oji wasn’t majorly freaking out.

“You okay?” I asked him.

Oji looked up at me and nodded, “Yeah, just havin’ ‘Nam flashbacks.”

“…How?”

“In my previous life I was a Viet Cong soldier,” he replied.

“…That makes entirely too much sense,” I said, “I’m gonna head inside, now. Try and avoid any digging or offensives, okay?”

“Will do.”

I closed the door and turned around. Akira was pulling a bottle from one of her jacket pockets while Daichi shook hands with Misha. Kenji was holding the DVD case for the movie, inspecting it thoroughly in a likely effort to determine if it really was the movie Misha said it was.

“Brought some sake this time,” Akira said, “Hope that’s okay.”

“Thanks,” I said, “Kenji, we about ready to get started?”

Kenji popped open the case and brought it up to his eyes. He spent several seconds eyeing the inside of the case before lowering it and muttering, “It really is Gangs of New York.”

“I’ve never seen that,” Akira remarked. Smirking at both of us, she added, “Do you guys ever watch non-foreign films?”

“Sometimes,” I replied, “Kenji, we ready?”

Kenji turned to Misha, his mouth slightly open. Apparently the revelation that Misha liked gritty character dramas from a foreign country blew his mind like a Dan Brown novel. I coughed and Kenji jumped. Turning to me, he nodded and cleared his throat to collect himself.

“Ahem,” he began, “Ladies and gentlemen,” Misha beamed at being considered a lady, “welcome to the semi-regular Nakai and Setou Movie Night, brought to you tonight at our temporary location by George Williams, Hanako Ikezawa, Masaki Haramura, and of course, Hisao Nakai and myself, Kenji Setou.”

Kenji paused for dramatic effect, and seemed a little nonplussed when Misha started excitedly clapping. Once she eventually settled down, Kenji rolled his eyes and continued.

“Our movie tonight is provided by guest Shiina Mikado: Gangs of New York. We were gonna order a pizza now, but since this movie is so long, we’ll have an intermission instead.”

“I’ll tell Oji,” I interjected.

“I heard!” Oji called from the hallway.

Moving along, Kenji stated, “For refreshments we have sake, rum, whiskey, and a case of Sapporo. As for food, we got cookies, bagel bites, pizza rolls, and I made a fruit salad –it’s mostly grapes and strawberries.”

“Due to various circumstances,” I added, “Hanako was unable to make her famous potstickers.”

“Awww~,” Misha pouted, “Is she all right~?”

“Ask me that in three days,” I replied, repressing a shudder with some difficulty, “In the meantime, let’s figure out what we want on the pizzas now, so I can just make the order before the intermission. That way they get here sooner.”

We spent a minute or two figuring out what to order while everyone took their seats. Unlike the last time Akira watched a film with us, I had managed to grab enough folding chairs for the occasion. I ended up sitting between Kenji and Daichi, with Kenji on my right next to the table loaded with food and booze, and Daichi on my left. Akira was next to him, and Misha would be next to her, but she was still standing to put the movie in- it was hers after all.

Once we had sorted out the pizza order, Misha looked to Kenji and asked, “Should we start now~?”

Kenji nodded and gave her a thumbs-up, “Good to go.”

“Sweet,” Akira said, “Pass me a beer.”

Part Three:

“I think I remember that passage,” Akira remarked shortly after the movie began, “How did it go?... ’Then war broke out in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But the dragon was not strong enough to prevail, so there was no longer any place left in heaven for him and his angels. So that huge dragon—the ancient serpent, the one called the devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world—was thrown down to the earth, and his angels along with him.’”

Since the entire recitation was in English, I had to have Kenji translate most of it for me. When he finished I leaned back to look at Akira, “How do you remember that?”

Akira leaned back a bit to glance at me, “Was one of my Uncle Duncan’s favorites.”

“You’ve spent too much time in Scotland,” Kenji griped.

Akira shrugged and sipped her beer, “Pays the bills.”

“You never know what you’ll remember from your younger days,” Daichi remarked.

I nodded. Daichi rarely spoke, and I got the feeling he chose his words carefully. I’m not sure what I expected from a boyfriend of Akira’s, but I could see the reasoning behind the strong silent type; a comforting shoulder and a good listener were probably pretty high on Akira’s criteria.

“Wish I could forget it, honestly,” Akira muttered.

Daichi put a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it, earning him a surprisingly demure smile.

Watching the Natives and the Immigrants slug it out, Misha swallowed a cookie and sighed, “It’s kinda~ sad how much this reminds me of what some of the students talk about now~.”

“The more things change,” Daichi stated, “the more they stay the same.”

“At least they got Liam Neeson,” Akira remarked.

==

“You were saying?” I asked after The Butcher finished off Priest Vallon.

“…Damn,” Akira said, eyes wide as Priest had his son watch him die, “That’s fucked up.”

“The nineteenth century was kinda fucked up,” Kenji countered, “Although there is a grisly intimacy about killing someone up close.”

Misha downed a shot of sake and nodded, “Shicchan thinks that, too~. She always says it’s not right to kill someone~ if you’re not close enough to know them first.”

Daichi gave Misha a wary glance, while me, Kenji, and Akira shared a mutual shudder. Once we had all recovered, Kenji raised his glass and declared, “To Priest Vallon: the Last Honorable Man.”

“Here~, Here~!” Misha cheered, raising her empty glass in salute.

Akira raised her beer and took a long pull before remarking, “Neeson seems to die in a lot of movies he’s in. Even in that Star Wars one.”

“Ugh,” I groaned, “Please don’t remind me of that mess.”

“Here,” Kenji said, offering me the bottle of sake, “That’ll help –pass it down to Misha when you’re done.”

“I’m fine~ for now,” Misha said. Turning to Kenji, she grinned and said, “Thanks, though.”

I poured a shot and handed back the bottle, “I still can’t help but think of Doc Lorenzo whenever I see this movie.”

“I’m tellin’ you,” Kenji said as he waved the sake bottle at me, “He’s on the run from the cartels –why else would a Mexican doctor be working at a Japanese university?”

“Maybe he really likes ramen,” Daichi remarked.

Akira and Misha burst out laughing at that, while Kenji and I just smirked and drank our shots.

==

“Shame the immigrants hated each other as much as the Natives,” Akira remarked on Amsterdam’s return, “then they could wise up and stop fighting each other with all this gang nonsense.”

“It’s worse in the book,” Kenji declared.

Akira leaned back to see Kenji, “There’s a book?”

Kenji nodded, “It’s a sociological study from the 1920’s. Was rather popular back in the day, too.”

I leaned forward to see Akira and interjected, “When it comes to history, Kenji’s predilections run towards Diasporas and post-colonialism.”

Akira nodded, “Makes sense.”

Misha joined in at that point, smirking at Kenji and asking, “So I suppose~ this is the part where you tell us the Potato Famine was an Illuminati~ conspir~a~cy~?”

Kenji looked at Misha’s general direction and replied, “Not everything is an ancient conspiracy. Sometimes shit just happens.”

“Mores the pity,” Daichi mused.

Akira gave a muted chuckle and mused, “Bunch’a philosophers, aintcha?”

“Comes with delving too deep into the mysteries of the world,” Kenji replied.

“Or experiencing~ human intolerance~ and hate~ firsthand,” Misha added.

Misha sighed and ate another cookie, and I glanced at Kenji long enough and blatantly enough that he would actually see it. After a few seconds he nodded and handed me the sake bottle, which I passed to Misha, who poured herself another shot, but didn’t drink it. Instead, she stared at the TV screen with unfocused eyes.

Akira glanced at her, “You okay?”

Misha nodded, passed the bottle over and muttered, “This movie makes me~ think too much.”

“Comes with being a deep thinker,” I stated, which earned me a weak smile from Misha.

==

“Were there really that many Chinese in New York back then?” Akira asked.

“No,” Kenji replied, “There were a few, but not enough for them to form any kind of community.”

“Most of them were still out West,” Misha added.

“Makes sense,” Akira stated as she downed a shot of whiskey, “Cali’s a helluva lot closer.”

Misha nodded and sipped her sake.

==

“Wait,” Akira said, “The guy just sold a locket right before they hanged him? What the fuck is up with that?”

“As our friend Tako would say,” I remarked, pausing to clear my throat to get the accent right, “’Everyting has its price, be it coin or blood.’”

Akira glanced our way and raised an eyebrow, “You guys are way too young to be so cynical, you know that?”

“Such are the times we live in,” Kenji declared, “When faced with a world gone mad, one must grab a bottle and either crawl in a corner and cry, or break the bottle and shove it up the ass of Madness itself.”

“…Should I be worried that he’s starting to make sense to me?”

“Yes,” Misha declared.

Part Four:

Bill going emo at the brothel seemed like a good midway point, so we paused the movie for a brief intermission, which quickly formed a line at our bathroom that lasted several minutes and probably would’ve freaked out the girl’s suitemates if they weren’t out for the night.

“So~,” Misha asked Akira while we waited for the pizza, “What do you think so~ far~?”

Akira made a thoughtful noise as she leaned against the wall to stretch her legs, “I dinnae ken… It’s definitely different then what I’m used to.”

Misha raised an eyebrow at Akira, “Are you okay~?”

“She does that when she’s had a lot to drink,” Daichi stated while he walked around the room a bit.

Akira nodded and turned to him, “What do ye think?”

“I like it, but I’ve always been fond of period dramas,” Daichi replied, “Loses something across the cultural divide, though.”

Akira nodded, “Aye, but yah get the gist of it.”

“At the core it’s just a really fucked up coming of age story,” I stated.

Akira nodded and sighed, leaning her head against the wall, “Me Mom’s grandfather always bitched about the Irish –called ‘em rabble-rousers and drunken troublemakers without a lick o’ sense.”

“No wonder they went to America,” I remarked.

Akira snorted and closed her eyes. A few seconds later my cell phone went off, causing Kenji to yelp and try and dive under Hanako’s bed again. Once again the bed was too low, so he ended up hitting his head, although this time he also managed to trip up Misha as she wandered around. While both of them groaned and tried to untangle themselves, I answered my phone.

“Hisao Nakai speaking,” I said, “…okay, on my way. Thanks, bye…. That’s the pizza, so I’m gonna go get it. Be back in a bit. You two okay?”

Misha hopped up and fell back against the wall, likely from the blood rushing to her head. Grinning somewhat weakly, she managed a whoozy, “Uh-huh~.”

Kenji hefted himself up and righted his glasses before muttering, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“’Kay, be back in a bit.”

I opened the door to the hall and nearly ran into Oji, who was standing in front of the door and looking like if I held still he’d try and eat me.

“Pizza,” he demanded.

“Yes, Oji, I’m going to get the pizza,” I said, “You’re kinda in the way, though.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

Oji stepped aside and I headed for the dorm entrance, Oji barely a pace behind me.

“So are you caught up yet?” I asked as he followed me.

“Yep,” he replied, “Though that’ll only last until next break. I swear my physics professors have a vendetta against me or something.”

“There’s a reason I chose chemistry,” I remarked.

Oji scoffed, “And teaching? Please. I’d rather take my worse calculus exam twice in a row sober than deal with that mess.”

“You’re going to be working at a nuclear power plant some day,” I countered, “I’d rather deal with teenagers any day than that.”

“You can contain a reactor leak,” Oji retorted, “You can’t contain hormones, only try and channel them.”

I shrugged as walked past the front desk and the on duty advisor, who was too busy watching something on their DVD player to pay attention to two men wandering in the girl’s dorms unescorted. The front doors were surrounded by glass, so I could see the pizza delivery guy waiting outside in a long black coat and a bright multi-colored hat bearing the logo of the pizza company. He was holding the black thermal pack and gave a nod when he saw me, likely deducing I was the orderer of the pizzas.

Since I was, I opened the inside door and then opened the front door itself. The pizza delivery guy grinned at me and asked, “Whadda ya buyin’?”

“That pizza you got,” I replied, “Unless you got a Chicago Typewriter somewhere.”

“Sorry, just the pizza,” he said, and told me the order’s contents and price.

I paid the guy and he bowed lightly and left.

“Pizza,” Oji demanded behind me.

Now holding a large pizza box and two small ones, I turned around and handed him one of the small pizzas, “Here, one small kimchi pizza.”

Oji beamed and grabbed the inside door for me, “Thanks, man.”

“No problem,” I said as we started walking back to the room, “Don’t forget to come by tomorrow to help us haul it back.”

“No worries,” he replied.

“You gonna eat that in the hall?”

Oji nodded, “That’s the plan, man. When I’m done I might skim next trimester’s textbooks, or maybe I’ll just head back right after.”

I smirked and said, “You really know how to live, don’t you?”

Oji nodded, “I try to live as stress-free a life as possible. Keeps my skin smooth and bowels nice and relaxed for maximum efficiency.”

I blinked at Oji, “Live the dream, man.”

A little while later we ended up back at the dorm room. While Oji took his seat and started doing unspeakable things to his pizza, I knocked on the door of the dorm room and opened it, “Pizza delivery.”

“Whadda we owe ye?” Akira asked from the wall, Daichi standing behind her.

I waved a hand, “Don’t worry about. I got one small meat lovers for Kenji and Daichi, and one large vegetarian for the rest of us.”

Kenji sighed and hefted himself up from his chair, “I can’t believe you’re eating a veggie pizza, man. I thought I knew you, man.”

I glared at him and retorted, “You look Doc Lorenzo in the eye and tell him I’m not gonna adhere to his dietary plan. Who do you think’ll get on my ass faster –him, Hana, or Emi when she finds out –and she would find out.”

Kenji grinned and waved a hand as he came over to take the small pizza, “Relax, man, I’m just yankin’ your chain. Why else would I make a fruit salad, for the Emperor’s sake?”

I smirked and nodded as I handed him the small pizza. At that point I finally noticed the room was missing a certain bubbly pink-haired woman. Looking around the room to make sure I wasn’t going insane or drunk, I asked, “Where’s Misha?”

“Went to get coffee,” Daichi replied.

“Hi~, Hi~!” Misha called from behind me, making me jump a little in surprise, “I went to the vending machine in the lobby~ to get coffee!”

Before I could turn around Misha had bounded over to the table of food and drinks and unloaded several cans of black coffee.

“Thanks,” I said, pausing a moment to check my heart just in case. That done, I asked, “How’d you know there was a vending machine?”

Misha whirled around and beamed at me, “Every dormitory has one somewhere~,” pouting suddenly, she added, “American machines are so~ limited, though.”

“How ye likin’ the States?” Akira asked, making her way to the coffee.

While I set the pizza down on one of the desk chairs, Misha replied, “I like it~. The weather’s great in Cali~, the school’s super~ cool, and the people are nice. Although~… it’s definite-ly~ weird… like Tokyo weird.”

Akira grinned, “Sounds like yer adjustin’ to it.”

Misha nodded, “Took a while, but yep~! Can we eat the pizza~ now?”

I nodded, “Yeah, grab some pizza and coffee if you want it, and we’ll unpause the movie when everyone’s ready.”

==

Once we’d all grabbed some pizza and coffee, we went back to the movie, picking up shortly before Amsterdam’s betrayal.

“I question the need for a romance story in this movie,” Daichi remarked.

“Gotta pad the bugger some’ow,” Akira quipped.

“If it was better handled it coulda worked,” Misha stated, “But I agree it’s pretty hackneyed~ this way.”

I glanced at Misha, “You switched to English.”

Misha blinked and grimaced, “Sorry~.”

“No worries,” I said, “George does the same thing.”

“Still better than Twilight,” Kenji grumbled.

I sighed and rolled me eyes, “Please don’t start that again.”

==

“He don’t look that scarred,” Akira remarked on Amsterdam’s recovery. Finishing off another beer, she continued, “I got worse than that shaving me legs.”

Misha downed a shot of whiskey and smirked, “Would you mess with a thing of beauty like DiCaprio~’s face?”

Kenji snorted, “Whadda you care about his face?”

Misha frowned and glared over at Kenji, “I can appreciate~ a pretty face.”

Kenji opened his mouth, closed it, chuckled, and nodded, pouring himself another shot of whiskey.

Misha stopped glaring at Kenji and shoved an entire slice of pizza into her mouth, chewing for a bit before swallowing. Akira and I stared at her in amazement, causing Misha to flush and focus on the movie.

“Wish you could do that,” Daichi quipped.

Akira snorted and lightly flicked his head.

Part Five:

“Nothin’ says ‘it’s on’ like a strung-up cop,” Akira remarked.

Misha sighed, “And it used to be such a nice~ shithole, too. All the gang violence has really brought the place down~.”

The two women glanced at each other and burst into laughter, startling Kenji and sending him bolting out of his chair and onto the floor.

Poking him with my foot to make sure he was okay, I quipped, “You know, you don’t have to always end up on the floor.”

“It’s a tradition,” Kenji retorted, groaning and taking his glasses off.

Akira looked down at Kenji, tilted her head and squinted for a moment, then asked, “Anyone eveh tell you ye got nice eyes?”

Kenji shrugged and inspected his glasses to make sure they weren’t bent, blinking furiously the entire time. Satisfied they were fine, he grabbed the nearby desk chair and heaved himself up, sitting back down in his folding chair despite the fact it was upside down and he was still holding his glasses.

Watching Kenji move like a newborn foal learning how to walk, Akira asked, “Doesn’t that hurt?”

Raising an eyebrow and grabbing another slice of pizza, he paused long enough to ask, “Doesn’t what hurt?” before starting on the fresh piece.

Akira blearily turned to me, eyebrow raised and mouth slightly open. I shrugged and sipped my shot of rum. It was a decently smooth spiced rum that went well with the cookies Misha had brought.

“Seriously, man,” I said, glancing down at Kenji, “you okay?”

Kenji gave me an odd look –his glasses still in his hand- as he finished his slice of pizza, “Yeah, man. Why wouldn’t I be?”

==

“You know, I hate to say it,” Akira said, “but, if ye’re gonna turn your back on a man well-known for his knife throwin’, you kinda get what’s comin’ to ye.”

“Monk was a pragmatist with an optimist streak,” Kenji said, “and optimists tend to die young in these kinds of situations.”

“The good die young,” Daichi remarked.

Misha piped in at that point, reciting in English, “Virginia don't let me wait~/You Catholic girls start much too late~/Sooner or later it comes down to fate~/I might as well be the one~/You know that only the good die young~!.”

Kenji leaned back in his pseudo chair to gape at Misha, “Well aren’t you just full of surprises?”

Misha grinned and nodded, “Yup~, yup~!”

Kenji smirked and turned back to the movie, looking thoughtful. After a few moments he raised his glass and said, “We saluted the last honorable man, so why not the last optimist?”

“Here, here!” Akira cheered, raising her own whiskey, “To Monk: the last optimist, and first Irish Sheriff o’ New York City!”

“To the death~ of hope~!” Misha added, which made us all sigh and down our shots.

Akira glanced at Misha and grumbled, “I said you lot are too young fer that kind’o thinkin’.”

“It’s alright,” Daichi stated, “Hope is always reborn from the ashes of despair.”

“Wait for the riot~,” Misha stated, “Then There’ll be plenty of ashes.”

==

Watching the draft riot devolve into a lynch mob, Kenji remarked, “They tried to burn down The New York Times, too, but the founder and some staff fended them off with Gatling guns.”

“Which just goes to show,” I stated, “That while the pen may be mightier than the sword, both are inferior to bullit.”

“If the cops were LAPD,” Misha stated, “They woulda~ stopped the riot in an hour~.”

“It woulda also been a bloodbath,” Kenji stated, “Those fuckers don’t kid around.”

Misha nodded, then smirked and glanced at Kenji, “So, did the Illuminati~ cause the draft riots?”

Kenji frowned and rubbed his temple, probably getting a headache from not wearing his glasses (for whatever reason), “The more I look at it, the more the whole damn nineteenth century seems like a giant proxy war between the Illuminati and the Templars. There’s so much shit goin’ on I can’t sort it out from here. If I wanna really get to the truth, I’m gonna have to go abroad and straight to the archives themselves.”

“What’s your major?” Daichi asked.

“Criminology,” Kenji replied, “You need every tool in the book to root out the puppet masters, and I have sworn on-”

Deciding to save us an hour or longer lecture, I grabbed a slice of pizza and shoved it into Kenji’s mouth. That kept him distracted enough to not continue, though he spent the rest of the riot shooting me angry glares and chewing.

Worth it.

“…Where did a newspaper get Gatling guns?” Akira asked.

“Remember,” I replied, “everything has a price, be it coin or blood."

“Besides~,” Misha added, “Americans love guns; they probably picked ‘em up for the fun of it.”

“Which is half the point of this movie when you think about it,” I mused, “The end of the so-called ‘ancient laws of combat’ and the birth of civilization.”

“Or at least nationalism,” Daichi declared, “Unity under one banner has its price, too.”

I found myself nodding in agreement with Daichi; regardless of the point of the movie, his own statement certainly had merit.

Part Six:

Misha sniffed as the ending credits began, and heaved herself up to collect her disc.

Akira applauded lightly, “That was a deep one, alright, but it was fun.”

Daichi nodded and stretched his legs. Glancing at Akira, he asked, “You ready to go?”

Akira nodded, “Misha, you wanna ride?”

Misha closed the DVD case and nodded, “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Akira remarked. She stretched her legs and groaned, moving to stand up. Before she could lever herself up, she snapped her fingers and stated, “Ack! I almost fergot something!”

Shifting in her chair and sprawling over Daichi, Akira wrapped an arm around me to pull me closer. Before I could react she started stroking my hair, sighing contentedly as she did so, “There we go. You gotta tell me how you keep it so soft!”

Feeling both uncomfortable and Akira’s alcohol fueled breath on my neck, I coughed and shrugged, “I don’t really do anything. Sorry.”

Akira snorted, “C’mon, you can tell me. I’m practically yer sister!” worming her way closer, she propped herself up a bit so she could whisper in my ear, “Tell me yer secret, and I’ll have Daichi teach you this thing with his tongue that makes me-”

“I’m only teaching him that if Misha teaches you how to do that trick with your mouth,” Daichi interjected from his seat.

Akira pouted and glanced back at her boyfriend, “You don’t like how I swallow?”

“Aaaaand I’m officially uncomfortable,” I declared, “Kenji, savor me!”

Kenji looked up at Akira and glared at her, “Behold, Woman: the Shaman Eyes!”

Akira smirked and rolled her eyes, but it wasn’t long before she found herself compelled to stare back at Kenji’s bleary, weary gaze, “I can’t… look away….”

Misha sighed and bounded in front of us, “Here, let me see~.”

Removing Akira’s hand from my head, which managed to cause her to blink free from Kenji’s gaze, Misha spent several seconds stroking my hair. I could feel my face redden from all the attention, and made a mental note to personally deliver Hanako a Hershey bar the next day.

“Axe Primed cut with generic volumizing~ shampoo~,” Misha declared.

My jaw dropping, I raised an eyebrow and asked, “How the hell did you figure that out?”

Misha cocked an eyebrow and pointed to her head, “I know hair.”

“And a lot of other things, it seems,” Kenji remarked, heaving himself up from his upside-down chair, “I hope you had a good time, Shiina.”

Misha beamed and nodded, “I did! Thanks for having me over~!”

“We should go,” Daichi said, “It’s pretty late.”

“Yeah,” I said, glancing at the radio clock by Hanako’s bed, “Thanks for coming over, and nice to meet you, Daichi.”

“Likewise,” Daichi returned, “Until next time.”

After another quick round of trips to the bathroom, Daichi collected the three’s coats, helped Misha and Akira into theirs, perched the fedora on Akira’s head, and headed for the door, Akira leaning on him and Misha wearily walking behind them.

When Daichi opened the door and stepped out I checked to see if Oji was still there, but he had already left. As Misha stepped out Kenji coughed and grunted, “Shiina?”

Misha spun around and titled her head, “Yeah~?”

Looking at Misha’s general direction, Kenji shoved his glasses back onto his face and stated, “I just want you to know, my beef with you and Hakamichi was always professional. Never personal.”

Misha grinned, “I know~, and so does Shicchan~.”

Misha gave an exaggerated bow, which Kenji returned. As Misha headed out the door, Kenji called to her, “That badge thing was too far, though!”

Misha guffawed and closed the door, her trademark laugh echoing in the ensuing silence for several brief moments.

Looking around at the strewn about glasses, bottles, cans, and pizza boxes, I stumbled over to Hanako’s bed and collapsed into it.

“I say we clean this up tomorrow,” I grumbled into the pillow.

“Seconded,” Kenji declared, sliding against the wall with a muted scraping sound, “That way we can make Oji help us.”

“Good idea,” I grunted, “Good job, by the way. Dealing with Misha, I mean.”

Kenji chuckled lightly, “She’s full of surprises, I’ll give her that… figured out the secret of your hair, too.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said, “The source of all my power!”

“Don’t bullshit yourself,” Kenji grunted, “As long as you have the swagger vests, you’ll be fine.”

I groaned and grabbed the pillow to shove on top of my head, “Why does everyone fixate on those? They’re comfortable, is all!”

“Whatever you say, man,” Kenji declared, and shortly after that he drifted off to sleep.

Sighing and making myself as comfortable as I could, I looked over to the wall at the New California Republic Ranger telling me to enjoy my stay and smirked. Looking at the poster on the wall reminded me of Hanako, and so I was able to fall asleep with a smile on my face.

If we didn’t clean up before she got back, I was screwed.

+++

Well that was different.

You know, I do enjoy popping these out every now and then, cuz the formula is so simple:

Step One: Pick a movie
Step Two: Pick some characters
Step Three: ????
Step Four: Profit!

That said, this one was a tricky one. Interesting from a sociological/cultural prospective, but also hard to write for the same reason.

Hope you all enjoyed it, and to everyone, I raise a glass of Jameson and say to you all: Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, this Jameson won’t drink itself. So until next time, well… you know .

As always, this was a fun read. Definitely not the choice of films I would have expected for Paddy's Day, but it works. I do enjoy your universe, Hoitash. It may not be the easiest with which to maintain suspension of disbelief (is 40k even popular in Japan?) but it's always great fun. I'll raise a glass to this update - Laphroaig though, not Jameson, because as Irish as I am, I have a weakness for the scotch.

Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh, agus sláinte!

I did write a more detailed post yesterday, but it was lost when I hit send

Anyway, nice story as always. I probably didn't get all the references, since I don't know the movie, though...

I wonder how talking Japanese with a scottish accent would sound...

So I get really mixed up with he timeline stuff so this may sound stupid but has Oji been in past stories?

edruil wrote:As always, this was a fun read. Definitely not the choice of films I would have expected for Paddy's Day, but it works. I do enjoy your universe, Hoitash.

Thanks, glad you liked it

It may not be the easiest with which to maintain suspension of disbelief (is 40k even popular in Japan?)

It has it's players, and apparently the stores are well run (so I've heard.)

I'll raise a glass to this update - Laphroaig though, not Jameson, because as Irish as I am, I have a weakness for the scotch.

Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh, agus sláinte!

I got nothing against scotch, either. I'm a big Johnnie Walker fan (partly because I can afford blended scotches.)

And thank you

Mirage_GSM wrote:I did write a more detailed post yesterday, but it was lost when I hit send

I hate when that happens.

I wonder how talking Japanese with a scottish accent would sound...

Now there's an intriguing question....

monkeywitha6pack wrote:So I get really mixed up with he timeline stuff so this may sound stupid but has Oji been in past stories?

Yes, he was in "Apocalypse Cow", which takes place during their Freshman year of college (their juniors in this story.) He was also referenced in the Road to Tokyo series, because for some reason he owns an old Ford station wagon.

I will at some point make a timeline, because at this point even I'm having trouble keeping it all straight (I should probably do that before the Summer Specials I have planned.)

Thanks all for reading, glad you enjoyed it

“You’re going to be working at a nuclear power plant some day,” I countered, “I’d rather deal with teenagers any day then that.”

I swear to God, Allah, and all the minor and major deities of the Greek and Roman pagan religions... I will murder you in your sleep if I have to correct another THAN.

*grumbles incoherently*'

If there's one thing I've taken from reading this, it's that I need to rewatch Gangs of New York. Am I to assume that Misha essentially goes to America a'la USOM, except that in this reality Hisao ends up with Hanako rather than Shizune? To that end, are the characters she meets in USOM part of this continuity as well?

Helbereth wrote:

“You’re going to be working at a nuclear power plant some day,” I countered, “I’d rather deal with teenagers any day then that.”

I swear to God, Allah, and all the minor and major deities of the Greek and Roman pagan religions... I will murder you in your sleep if I have to correct another THAN.

I'm doomed (also fixed, and thanks.)

Am I to assume that Misha essentially goes to America a'la USOM, except that in this reality Hisao ends up with Hanako rather than Shizune? To that end, are the characters she meets in USOM part of this continuity as well?

As mentioned in Road to Tokyo, Misha is attending the University of California -Los Angeles at the time. She mentioned in the Shizune route plans to study overseas, and I saw no reason she still wouldn't do that.

So, as the two sets of stories are separate universes, she would meet a different group of people then she did in USM.

Also, I got that timeline posted. If I borked anything up folks, feel free to pm me.

she would meet a different group of people then she did in USM.

Good bye... It was nice knowing you...

Oh wait, he said "If I have to correct!" Seems I just saved your life