Katawa Shoujo Forums

Thanks, Sin.
I'm always grateful when someone points out a spelling or grammar mistake, even a minor one.

Hmm I like this story but I must concur that the ending was a bit too quick, escpecially how they immediately jump into sex. They would talk more both about the surrogacy and their love, and the sex would happen more spontaneously at a later date.

Also, you should do a bit of research into Japanese family law. A triangle relationship and surrogacy both will cause them quite a few legal and practical problems in Japan. Family law is different there, and not so progressive. Surrogacy in Japan has legal implications too. In Japan, legally the mother is she who gives birth, not she who gives the egg. As it is in the story, any child born from Hanako will be legally hers and not Lilly's, and hence also a "bastard" child since she is not married to Hisao. "Bastard" children are still a bit odious in Japan, so all three would want to avoid this.

Legally speaking, the way this would work best is for Hisao and Lilly to divorce, and then have Hanako and Hisao marry each other, and surrogate for Lilly as well as have their own children. Then Lilly's children will legally be Hanako and Hisao's but not "bastards". To the outside world, in Japan, all children will then be those of Hanako and Hisao. The child(ren) that come(s) from Lilly's egg will have to keep this knowledge a secret from the outside world for the rest of his or her life.

Also in Japan, to divorce or to marry, all you *need* to do is fill in a form, both sign it (and 2 extra signatures from witnesses for the marriage form) and give it back to city hall later. You can have a wedding party in whatever style, but, only for forms are strictly neccesary, and they suffice for legal reasons.

Actually the way Japanese law and culture is, this could lead to a bit of interesting drama. The characters could talk about how surrogacy is not socially accepted very well. Lilly and Hisao could announce their plan to divorce to Hanako. For extra drama, Hisao could show up with a filled in divorce form and a filled in wedding form as well (just missing her signature). She might be confused about it... until she realises that they will rearrange their family to allow their threesome to work out legally.

Anyway I hope all this will give you some ideas to improve that last chapter and make it as strong as the rest of the story.

Edit added spoiler tags so I don't spoil my own story below. Read that first, please.

Heh, I was so fascinated by this idea that I wrote my own folllow up fic to yours. This is part one of it, part two, the HAWT stuff is for later! I'd like to apologise f it's offensive, wrong, not good english, etc.

-----

Today, I am moving to a new house. I sit in the moving truck, next to the driver, thinking back of last year. So much has happened, but finally, I will be able to say goodbye to the sadness this year has brought me. While the truck rocks me, I think back to what had happened before.

Since the day Lilly, Hisao, and me confessed to each other, there were still many things that worried us. Japanese society will not accept a relationsip as ours. And the conservative family law would also have caused us problems. Even if I became a surrogate for Lilly, the law would see me as the real mother of the child, and it's father as unknown. In other words, it would be my illigitimate child, and not that of Lilly and Hisao. There would be rumors that I was Hisao's mistress, and this would make us and our child look immoral to some people.

We also had to do something to lessen the supicions and the rumors. While most people in this small town are friendly to us, I had already heard some gossip and rumors about the three of us. Most people didnt know about our pivate life, but since we lived together with one man and two women in the same house, some people who knew this had already assumed the obvious. All in all, for our children, this would have been a bad situation. to have to stand all these rumours. Likely they would be bullied beacuse of them.

And also, there were Hisao and Lillys family to think about. Hisao and Lilly had told their parents I was just renting a room in their house until I could find my own place. While Akira was completely thrilled at the three of us getting together, she agreed that we could not tell anything to her or Hisao's parents. The shame would be too great, and Lilly and Hisao might even be disinherited.

No matter how much we loved each other, we could not keep on living together like this. It would become unbearable to be seen as immoral by the people in the village and in society. After thinking very well about our situation, we decided that we would have to make some radical changes in our lives.

---

First, Hisao divorced Lilly. Hisao moved out of our old house and went to live in a rented room. I stayed with Lilly to help the poor blind woman, but I would visit Hisao from time to time to comfort him. After the divorce, Hisao told his family and friends that although their marriage had failed, he still felt the duty to take care of Lilly since she was blind. He told them he wanted to build two houses close to each other so he could pass by and take care of Lilly whenever needed. Hisao begged his parents to receive a part of his inheritance early. I helped too, and put in the inheritance of my parents. Lilly could recieve a substantial sum from her parents.

Of course when Lilly's parents heard about the divorce, they wanted to summon her again to come and live in Scotland, but she maintained that she wanted to keep her job in Yamaku. After first being angry at Hisao, they backed down when they heard he would still take care of his ex-wife. They finally agreed with the constuction plan. Hisao's parents were similarly worried, but admired his sense of responsibility in still taking good care of Lilly. They were won over too.

Hisao bought an open plot of land somewhat remote from the city center, and had two houses built on them, adjacent to each other. It would be more proper to say it was a two-appartment building, with the appartments next to each other. An appartment building with two front doors, a blue one on the right and a yellow one on the left. After six months, the houses were completely finished, furnished and ready to move in.

First, Hidao moved in to the right hand appartent. Then Lilly moved in to the left hand appartment. We got rid of the old house, and I moved to an appartment. I kept on visiting Hisao in his new house to comfort him. He would go out through the right front door and back in though the left front door to go help his ex-wife. I also often visited Lilly to keep her company. We both will probably keep visiting Lilly like this for the rest of our lives...

It's been one year since Hisao and Lilly's divorce. When Hisao announced our engagement three months ago most people were not surprised at this. After all, it was me who was always seen with him. Some people felt it was a bit rash that he married his ex wife's best friend, but the divorce was already long enough ago, so no one accused us of having an affair.

Although Lilly, Hisao, and I met each other often, it has been a very hard year for us. We could not live together. We could only meet each other outside our work a few times per week. Lily and Hisao didn't... sleep together anymore. And even though I visited Hisao to comfort him, in reality, I did not ... do anything with him either. Especially the last six months were very hard for us... Lilly had her healthy adult sex drive to cope with, Hisao had to divide his time between us, and I had to live alone most of the time. Sometimes I felt like we were not going to make it... I cried often, and even Lilly and Hisao sometimes broke down in tears...

-----

I wake up from my remeniscing as the the moving truck stops in front of a blue door. I get out of the truck, and the door opens. Hisao is waiting for me with a smile! I run to him and embrace him, with the movers embarassedly looking away, until the boss shouts at them to start unpacking. Hisao and me tell the movers where to put everything. They unload the truck, and when they are finished we bow, and thank them for their services.

When they leave, suddely the yellow door opens and Lilly comes out. "I'm glad they're gone now. I thought they would stay here all day!" she smiles at us.
"Ah, Lilly, I was just going to fetch you, but I guess you heard the truck pull off." says Hisao. "Of course , the truck was so loud. And how are you today, Hanako? I think congratulations are in order?" she says with her usual measured smile. "Yes, thank you very much," I say somewhat shyly, and I bow.

Of course, Lilly knew about this. Hisao gets his car keys, gets into the car and starts it. I get in too, and wave goodbye to our neighbour. Hisao waves too, and then we are off. First, to the shop to pick up our order. A small bag with three black boxes in them. Then, to city hall.

City hall. Because today, Hisao and I are getting married. There's no ceremony and no wedding dress, no friends and family coming to celebrate. Just a wedding form we fill in and give to the clerk. We wait for a few minutes he returns with our marriage license. I feel a bit sad that we have to have such a low key wedding, but we cannot draw any attention to our situation.

We drive back to Hisao's home, our new home. When we arrive Lilly is nowhere to be seen. She must be back inside her house. We get out of the car, Hisao unlocks the blue door, and we enter. We go to sit in the living room. Hisao takes out
one of the boxes from he bag, kneels down, and takes out the smaller ring.
"Hanako, do you take me as your husband?" "Yes..." i say almost breathlessly.
he slips the ring onto my finger. "I take you as my wife, Hanako." he says. I slip the bigger riing onto his finger. "And I take you too as my wife, Lilly!" she suddenly shouts.

Suddenly a part of the wall slides open, and Lilly steps trough. "That's my cue!" she says with her typical smile. I jump up from he sofa. "Ah! Lilly! H-Hisao told me he made a secret door, but it's so well hidden I didn't even notice it myself!" "Sorry to play a prank on you, Hanako! But you should see the secret door between the bedrooms." she says and winks at me.

Unable to restrain myself anymore, I throw myself into Lilly's arms. She's startled a bit, but I start crying as I shout "Lilly! I-It's finally over right? This terrible year. This terrible charade we had to play?" "It will never be completely over. We'll always have to pretend that you two are the happy couple, and that I am just the ex-wife you are taking care off out of pity. We probably won't be able to tell our children until they grow up either." Hisao joined in our hug, from the backside. "We will have to keep the secret," he says, "but at least, now we can be together, and love each other without reproach from society. Our children have a chance to a bright future too."

Hisao's words remind me of how consevative Japanese family law is. For our children to be legitimate in the eyes of the law, it is essential that I and Hisao are married to each other. Only then will I be able become the surrogate for Lilly, and have her and Hisao's baby planted in me. The child born would then be Hiaso's and mine's officially, but legitimate, and blameless to the outside world. Now, at last, we can live together. I will give Lilly the child she wants, and Hisao and I will also have a child of our own.

And I keep on crying tears of relief and happines whilst the two of them keep on hugging me for what seems like an hour. Finally I calm down a bit. "Thank you Hisao, thank yo Lilly for coming up with such a plan.". "No," says Lilly, "thank you , Hanako for keeping up with it. It was so hard for us, it must have been very hard for you too." "Yes it was, but I could make it because I love you both! I love you!". And I kiss Lilly on her lips.

Behind me I hear Hisao smirking a bit. "Hey, we didn't properly make our wedding vows yet. Now that we are all here, let's start again from the beginning!". "That's a good idea, Hisao, but let's go into the Japanese room. Because after the vows, comes the consummation." Lilly says smiling. I blush a bit at those words, but I'm glad to hear them... finally... . "Good to hear you stil have a healthy sex drive." I reply with a laugh.

Is...is this fanfiction of my fanfiction IN my fanfiction?
I can't describe how giddy this makes me. Thank you!
I can't go any deeper than this.
While I appreciate this, Beoran, would it be too much to ask you not go any further, at least in this thread? As far as erotic content and epilogue, I have been writing something myself.

I would like to see beraan's interpretation of the story

please continue in another thread

Beoran wrote:Family law is different there, and not so progressive. Surrogacy in Japan has legal implications too. In Japan, legally the mother is she who gives birth, not she who gives the egg. As it is in the story, any child born from Hanako will be legally hers and not Lilly's.

It's quite the same in most countries

I'm really anticipating that epilogue, and any further works from you. And any grammatical or spelling errors I saw seem to have been pointed out so no use in me repeating what has been said.

It is usually considered polite to ask the author of a story for permission before hijacking his thread for a continuation of his own story - especially when the original story is not finished yet...

advicefrog wrote:I would like to see beraan's interpretation of the story

please continue in another thread

Indeed, please do so in a thread of your own creation.

Well first of all, I apologize for jumping so brashly in with my own story. I'm glad FluffAndCrunch was not upset at my action. Ill respect your wishes, and start my own thread.

That said,I'll probably change my story too since after thinking about it more, I found a critical flaw: I forgot Lilly is half-European, so there is a considerable chance that their genetic child will be also partially european. It would not be possible to disimulate such a child as one of Hanako and Hisao. Also, I'll take a different aproach: a threesome starting from Hanako's story. So see you there then!

K, now I'm waiting for the inevitable threesome image. MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Although I do have to agree with the ending being a bit rushed. You build up all these crises than have it resolved in one "fell swoop", or something that Doomish said that involved 'fell'. Something like that should've took longer to resolve in a more complete manner, at least I think so anyways. It's still a good story overall though.

BobBobberson wrote:K, now I'm waiting for the inevitable threesome image. MAKE IT HAPPEN!

I'll think about doing something in the morning. It's far too late to begin work on a picture now.

Hmm. Okay, I got that... makes sense in the Saki fic now. I still don't understand why she was living with them before this new situation however as it seems like she's taken a big step backward from becoming a confident, independant young woman. This would make a lot more sense to me if she was out on her own and just moved in after Lilly's freakout.

nemz wrote:Hmm. Okay, I got that... makes sense in the Saki fic now. I still don't understand why she was living with them before this new situation however as it seems like she's taken a big step backward from becoming a confident, independent young woman. This would make a lot more sense to me if she was out on her own and just moved in after Lilly's freakout.

*Shrug*

Three best friends all work at the same place and live in the same tiny town.
Makes sense to me.

FluffandCrunch wrote:*Shrug*

Three best friends all work at the same place and live in the same tiny town.
Makes sense to me.

But they aren't 3 best friends, they're a young horny married couple that probably need their space and a 3rd wheel friend whose entire route was showing that she wants and needs to be treated as someone able to stand on her own. Hanako living in the same house only really makes sense if this is a temporary situation to help Lilly after her breakdown or if she's moving in permanently as a full partner in the relationship. Anything else comes off as her being less and dependent, more their child then their friend, and we know she HATES feeling like that so why would she stay?