Reconciliation - (a Hanako bad-end story)

[Robnonymous]

All I can say at this point is "I got things a-brewin'."

[Mahorfeus]

I'm already bracing myself for the feels.

Eagerly waiting.

[Acerus]

Just finished catching up after missing a few updates, and I just wanted to say; feels, feels everywhere.

I shed many a tear (manly tears of course) at the end of part 7, that last line played with my emotions way more than anything ever has. Well done, sir.

[Guestimate]

Just thought I'd let you know. Maybe it's because literature just does more for me, but Lilly's last line there got to me more than the actual game did.

[Robnonymous]

Wow, that's awesome to hear. Thanks guys!

Also, an update: the next part is well underway. Assuming I can power through my dinner I might just get it finished tonight.

And an edit: Out of curiosity, is anyone interested in giving the next part a quick going-over? My usual proof-reader (i.e. my wife) won't be home until much later this evening and I'd kind of like to get this posted if it's not a complete mess.

[Robnonymous]

• Pt 1 - Reconciliation
  Pt 2 - The Hotel Room
  Pt 3 - Bad Connection
  Pt 4 - Flight
  Pt 5 - Arrival
  Pt 6 - Reunion
  Pt 7 - Letting Go
  Pt 8 - Breakdown
  Pt 9 - Departure
  Epilogue - Checkmate

By the time we get back to the house it’s already dark. None of us are particularly hungry. Lilly is still shaking, but the sobs and sniffles have finally stopped. Akira guides her over to the couch in the living room while I go get changed. I just can’t wear these clothes anymore. Sho ducks in after I’m finished. He’s probably anxious to put on something a little less bleak, too. As I round the corner back to the living room, I can hear Lilly and Akira arguing. Actually it’s more like Akira lecturing Lilly. She’s standing over her younger sister, who’s slumped on her side on the couch.

“… because you have to take care of yourself! For god’s sake, when was the last time you slept??”

“I… slept a little… yesterday…” Lilly mumbles.

“I don’t mean ‘passed out in the living room,’ I mean when was the last time you actually went to sleep? Have you gone to bed AT ALL over the past couple of days?”

“I-I… I don’t-“ she starts.

“You don’t what?” Akira cuts her off, “You don’t remember? You don’t know? Help me to understand here, Lilly, because right now I’m getting really fucking scared. I’ve never seen you like-”

“I don’t want to sleep there anymore…”

Akira stops in mid-rant, “What?”

“I don’t,” Lilly reiterates, a little louder now, “want to sleep there anymore. That room… Our… our bed… I-I don’t…” she trails off. She doesn’t cry. I’m not sure she has it in her anymore. She just lays there, unblinking. She starts to fidget with her hands. As I take a few tentative steps further into the room I can see she’s actually twisting her wedding ring. Akira finally notices me and nods.

“Maybe you can talk some sense into her,” she sighs.

Me? Seriously? What can I POSSIBLY say that would help?

“U-Ummm…” before I can properly object Akira storms out of the room. As I watch her leave I can’t decide if she’s really mad at her little sister or herself. I turn back to see that Lilly hasn’t been phased by her outburst. She’s still just lying there, twisting her ring around her finger. I take a deep breath.

“H-Hey… Lilly,” I start. She doesn’t respond. So I try again, “Umm… D-Do you want m-me to make some t-tea?”

It’s better than nothing, I suppose.

She clenches her jaw a little but otherwise she still won’t respond to me.

“Do you… d-do you want to be alone?”

After several seconds of more nothing, she slowly closes her eyes and shakes her head. I decide to bide my time. I sit on the floor, lean against the front of the couch, and stare off into space. It doesn’t take long for my gaze to lock on to the chess set again.

I still can’t believe they’ve kept it this whole time…

I remember how unreal it felt when Hisao gave it to me. For the longest time I’d convinced myself that no one would ever care about me, and that anyone making any sort of to-do about my birthday was doing it as a cruel joke. The doll Lilly had given me that year was certainly wonderful, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was the butt of some elaborate prank. The chess set on the other hand… It was beautiful. It was something I had a use for. It was from a BOY. It made me wonder, just for a moment, if it was actually possible for someone to really care about me.

Of all the gifts I’d been given over the years - mostly empty, meaningless trinkets from social workers or the staff at the orphanage who felt sorry for me – it was the first one that felt well and truly genuine. The chess set made me doubt myself. It made me question whether or not my worthlessness was all in my head. I couldn’t have asked for a better birthday present.

I can hear Lilly’s faint breathing right behind my head. If it weren’t for the fact that I can feel the constant, subtle movement of her hands I’d swear she was asleep. Since she’s not, I feel the need to at least try to keep a conversation going.

“Lilly… I-I know it probably won’t make you feel any better, but i-it… it won’t always be this hard…”

Nothing.

“The sadness… it n-never really goes away…” I continue, “b-but you eventually find a place for it.”

I hear a quiet rasping from behind me.

“Oh…” she responds robotically, “so I guess that’s it then? Everything will get better and it’ll just go back to the way things were, right?”

I slowly glance over my shoulder. She’s stopped fidgeting with her wedding ring.

“That’s bullshit,” she hisses, “My husband is dead. He’s dead, Hanako,” I can hear a bitter hopelessness in her voice. It frightens me, “and he’s not coming back.”

I’m afraid to respond at first, but I can’t just leave it at that. I press on.

“No,” I whisper, taking a deep breath to steady my voice, “No, it’s not b-bullshit. I know exactly what you’re going through, Lilly, and I’m telling you it’s-”

“SHUT UP!” she screams, and my body reflexively curls in on itself. I pull my knees up to my chin and wrap my arms around my legs. I clamp my eyes shut, afraid of what’s to come but even more afraid to move.

“You don’t know what I’m going through! You didn’t just lose the most important person in your life! You haven’t had your entire world shattered without warning or reason!” I can feel the couch shift as she pushes herself up to a sitting position, “I don’t have the same luxury you have! When things get too tough, you know what you do, Hanako?” Every muscle in my body tenses. I know what she’s going to say even before she does.

I run away.

“You just run away!” she bellows.

And there it is.

The silence that follows is horrible. I’m too terrified to move and she doesn’t make another sound. It breaks my heart to hear her say it. It breaks my heart, but it doesn’t destroy me like I’d expected it to. Maybe it’s because I’ve grown up. Maybe it’s because I’ve moved past my regret somehow, although that’s unlikely. I think it’s because, no matter how right she is, I know she didn’t really mean it. I loosen up a little and raise my head. When she doesn’t start screaming again or lash out at me I start to loosen up a little more. After gathering what little courage I’ve got left for a few seconds, I slowly turn around to face her.

She’s staring in my direction, still propped up on one arm. Her face is flushed. Tears are silently streaming down her cheeks. She looks furious and stubborn. She also looks utterly dejected and sorry. I turn and shift some more until I’m kneeling in front of her. I can see her face tic slightly at the sound, as though she’s afraid I’m about to storm out. Or strike her. I don’t do either. Instead I reach forward slowly, until my fingers are lightly touching her face. When she doesn’t move to stop me I push them back further, cupping her cheek in my hand. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply before opening them again. Her expression softens a little bit.

I lean closer until my face is only a few inches away from hers, “Lilly,” I whisper carefully, “I’m not running away this time.”

I stand up and pull her to me, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and stroking her hair with my free hand. She loops her arms around my waist and her body starts to shake again. She doesn’t say anything and she doesn’t have to. I, on the other hand, have unfinished business. I pick up where I left off.

“When I lost my parents… I felt like… I-I felt like I’d lost the only two people who would ever care about me,” her grip tightens a little but I keep going, “After I was finally let out of the hospital, I went back to school for a few weeks. My friends… my BEST friends… had completely abandoned me.”

Lilly pulls back and looks up at me, “Hanako, you don’t have to-“

I pointlessly shake my head, “I don’t have to, but I want to.”

She frowns for a moment, then nods.

“They called me names. Sometimes they’d throw things at me. They used to be my friends, but apparently friendship didn’t mean all that much to them… When I first met you, I thought things would be different. That’s part of the reason why I kept you from… well, you know…” she nods again, “for so long. I was relieved when you didn’t make fun of me after you finally got a look at my face, but the way you always treated me like I’d fall apart at a moment’s notice… that was almost worse.”

“Hanako,” she breathes, “I didn’t… I mean, I never…”

“I know you didn’t. It took me a while to realize it, but I do now. The point I’m trying to make is… well…” I take another deep breath, “As horrible as all of that was… losing my parents, feeling so alone, being bullied by people I used to trust… it felt worse when I lost you and Hisao. Because it was MY fault. I was the one who pushed you both away, and in the end I couldn’t blame it on anyone or anything but myself.”

I take a step back and break our embrace, then kneel in front of her again and place my hands on her shoulders. I look into her eyes, hoping the severity of what I’m saying gets through to her.

“Akira, me, your parents… We’re here for you. You aren’t alone. Please remember that. You don’t have to go through this by yourself. You SHOULDN’T go through this by yourself.”

Her lip starts to tremble but she manages to keep her voice fairly steady, “I-I know… but it’s just so…” she trails off.

“I know it is. And it’s not something anyone is expecting you to just ‘get over.’ We just want you to try to take care of yourself. Eat a little bit. Sleep when you can. That sort of thing. Wallowing in sadness and self-pity won’t make things any better. And you KNOW Hisao wouldn’t want you doing it.”

She winces at that last part, but it had to be said.

“You’re right…” she sighs, not bothering to wipe the tears from her eyes, “He… He always hated to see me upset.”

“Me, too.”

I whip my head around to see Akira standing in the doorway, dabbing at her eye with a tissue.

“How long have you been standing there?” we both ask in unison.

She shrugs, “Who cares?” Neither of us has an answer to that.

“Anyway,” she continues, “I moved some of your stuff out of the bedroom. I figure this way you won’t have to… well, you know… when you want to change or take a shower or something.”

Lilly gives a strained smile, “Ah… T-Thank you.”

Akira stares at the floor, “I talked to The Boyfriend and… well… If you need to get… out… for a while… you can stay with us,” she doesn’t look up. She’s no doubt picturing her younger sister wandering through the now empty house. Miserable and alone. Haunted by memories of the man she’d made a life with every minute of every day. I can’t say I don’t share her worry.

Lilly frowns as she thinks about what her sister’s just asked her. She reaches over and finds my sleeve, then follows it down and locks her fingers around my hand. I give her a reassuring squeeze. This is exactly the sort of thing I was just talking about.

You know what’s best, Lilly.

She nods sharply once, “That… might not be a bad idea…”

Akira looks up and smiles weakly. She’s still worried about her sister, and she has every right to be, but it’s something. I decide to let the two of them discuss the particulars and excuse myself. It’s been an exhausting day for everyone, and right now I just want to sleep.

I knock softly on the guest room door as I enter. After getting no response I take a peek inside to find it empty.

Huh…

I sit down on the edge of the bed, my back to the door, and start to unbutton my shirt. I get through two buttons when my eyes start to cloud over. After I get about halfway down I’m crying. Another button after that and my hands are shaking so badly I just give up and cross my arms. I do my best to stifle the sobs, and I manage a pretty decent job of it, but the tears are another matter. I’ve been holding it all back because Lilly needed me. I’d found an inner strength I never realized I had, but we all have our limits.

All of the emotions I’d been trying to bottle-up since boarding that damned plane push their way out. I sniff, moan, sob, cough, and scream in silence. I’m not entirely sure if it’s because I want to be quiet or because I simply can’t make noise. Not that it matters. I just sit there with my shirt half open and my arms folded and I rock back and forth. I feel a different kind of loneliness now. The kind of loneliness that belongs to the “tough ones.” I wonder if this is how Akira feels, having to keep it all inside for fear of what the sight of her cracking might do to everyone else.

I hear the door open and I freeze. I hope that whoever it is decides to go away.

“Hanako..?”

Sho…

I still don’t move. I’d ask him to please leave me alone but I don’t trust my voice. So I just sit there and keep hoping that he’ll do it anyway. He doesn’t. I hear him make his way across the room slowly, and I instinctively close my eyes and look away as he rounds the corner of the bed to face me.

“Hanako,” he’s worried. He takes a step toward me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I weakly shrug him off.

“Please…” I croak, “leave me alone.”

He hesitates for a moment, then sits down next to me.

“No.”

After a few minutes, while I’m still trying to get myself under control, he gently lays a hand on my shoulder again. I shrug him off again. He sighs and I can tell he’s given up. I know I’m not worth the hassle, so it’s no surprise for him to lose his patience. Maybe now he’ll get out.

“I’m an orphan too, you know.”

The unexpected break in silence is jarring. I open my eyes and slowly turn my head. I can’t quite bring myself to look at Sho. Not yet. But I start working up to it. I stare at his hands. They’re clasped together firmly between his knees.

“Never knew my parents. I was told my mom died giving birth to me and my dad killed himself because he couldn’t live without her,” he laughs humorlessly, “Apparently that asshole figured his son would get by just fine on his own.”

He cracks his knuckles and keeps going.

“I didn’t have any other family members to stay with, supposedly. I was never entirely clear about whether that meant I had no family, or that my family just didn’t care. Not that it matters anymore…” he sighs, “I had been in and out of foster homes for years. Some of them were bad enough that I was glad they didn’t keep me. I was mad at the world. I got into a lot of fights. I didn’t want anything to do with the other kids because, quite frankly, I didn’t trust them. I didn’t really trust any of the adults, either.”

I manage to move my eyes away from his hands and up to his face. He’s staring straight ahead, his eyes unfocused as the memories play through his mind.

“There were really only two things I knew I COULD trust. Well, three if you count the feeling of all those bumps and bruises from my various battles,” he chuckles half-heartedly, “I knew I could lose myself in a good book without worrying about it coming home in a drunken rage or forgetting to feed me because it’s too coked-up to remember its own name,” he takes a deep breath to calm himself down before he continues.

“I also liked board games,” he gives a genuine smile, “I always knew where I stood with board games. The pieces are always the same and the rules-“

“The rules never change,” I finish. He nods without looking away from the blank spot on the wall.

“Funny thing is…” he pauses, looking for the right words, “I think I’d do it all again if given the choice. It was a miserable life, sure, but I kinda like how things turned out, you know?” he starts counting on his fingers, “I get to work with books, which I love. I make enough money to live a comfortable life. I got to meet the country’s biggest author,” he gives me a light nudge with his elbow and I let a small laugh slip out, “And I got to tell that woman who wrote those trashy teenage vampire novels how much her books suck.”

I can’t stifle the laughter after that, and neither can he.

“I-I… I…” I stammer between giggles, “I remember that. She… she tried to tell you that you just ‘didn’t get it,’ and… and y-you said…”

He picks up the story, “What’s to get? Vampires… don’t…” he can barely control his own laughter at this point, “s-sparkle! You hack!”

I wipe a different kind of tear away from my eye, and continue “Best. Book Expo. Ever!” And then we each bust out laughing again.

A knock at the door jars us both out of our reverie, “Hey you two, what’re you up to in there?”

“N-Nothing, Akira!” I giggle back in response, “We’re just talking!”

Silence. Just in time for me to realize I’ve been sitting here with my shirt open. I give a little yelp and quickly turn as far away from Sho as possible before hastily adjusting myself. He looks about as red as I feel. Which is perfect because Akira barges in just as I’m finishing the last two buttons.

Yeah, this totally won’t get awkward.

She doesn’t say anything at first, instead opting to glance suspiciously back and forth between the two of us.

“Talking… Riiiiight…” she clears her throat, “Anyway, I know we’re all pretty fucking tired right now but I was thinking a little food might do us some good,” her eyes settle on me and I can’t keep myself from blushing again, “Whadaya say, Hanako? Wanna help the Satou sisters with dinner?”

I do my best to play along while changing the subject, “I-I’m sorry… ‘sisters?’ As in both of you? Since when do YOU cook?” I ask with a sly grin.

She rolls her eyes and smiles, “Okay, fine. Wanna help Lilly cook dinner, ya cocky bitch?”

Sho and I share a brief glance. I smile at him as I respond, “Absolutely.”

[Mahorfeus]

And here I thought that I couldn't possibly like Sho more.

[Mirage_GSM]

Him also likeing board games was probably laying it on a bit too thickly, but otherwise another great chapter!

[Bagheera]

Him also likeing board games was probably laying it on a bit too thickly, but otherwise another great chapter!

It's a good point about how the rules never change, though.

[Acerus]

Love it, especially the Twilight hate. That one made me chuckle.

[themocaw]

I like your Akira. She's a complete bro in every sense of the word.

[CNB]

I like your Akira. She's a complete bro in every sense of the word.

Except, you know, the chromosomal one.

[Robnonymous]

Him also likeing board games was probably laying it on a bit too thickly, but otherwise another great chapter!

I was considering that myself, but then I thought about it and figured there are probably lots of family-less kids who would sooner wrap themselves up in books and games than interact with people directly.

Love it, especially the Twilight hate. That one made me chuckle.

Thanks! I'd been wanting to drop a joke like that since the very first chapter.

[themocaw]

I like your Akira. She's a complete bro in every sense of the word.

Except, you know, the chromosomal one.

Women can be bros.

http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/i ... radora.jpg

[CNB]

Finished reading the chapter. The scene with Lilly was pretty much exactly what I'd been waiting for.

Sho... I dunno, there must be some way he could have been handled more deftly, but for now I'm willing to accept that Hanako just happened to hit the jackpot and blindly stumble across her other half. Considering her almost DIckensian backstory, she's due for some good luck. Yes, I studied math, I know what the Gambler's Fallacy is, but romantic drama is not a genre that interests me because of its intense commitment to cold-eyed realism.

I liked that the first "serious" words out of Hanako's mouth when she was trying to comfort Lilly were, "Do you want to be alone?" That seemed very true to her character.

The one major quibble I have is with the line about "the country's biggest author." It seems like a real stretch for that to be literally true, and if he were teasing, I'd think something along the lines of "best" or "fastest-rising" or "hottest" (totally no double-entendre) would fit better.

Women can be bros.

Well sure, but not in every sense of the word. Since a woman can't literally be your... oh, never mind.