Chapter 43: Deliberation
“D-do you really think we should tell them, Misha?”
“We don’t have to if you don’t want to, Hacchan. But~, it’s like I said before. I talked to them about me and Shicchan, two times, and they never told anyone. I trust them. You were there for one time, remember?”
“Ah, yeah…”
“So~, this is all I could think of to do. Plus~! We get to see our friends! It’s a great way to spend a Saturday!”
“Okay… I guess you’re right, Misha. I’m just not… not used to talking to p-people, about stuff, like you are…”
“I think you’re more used to it than you know, Hacchan. When I was having a hard time, when it was the worst, was when I bottled it up and wouldn’t talk to anyone. I only figured out what I had to do because I talked. That was when I got better.”
“When you talked… to th-them?” Hanako clarified, looking towards their friends as they stepped outside, the other girls already waiting for them a little ways away from the main building.
“Yep, yep~! Hi Emirin~!” Misha said, waving and skipping ahead to meet them. “And uhh! Miki-chan!” she added, looking a bit unsure about the third girl’s unexpected appearance.
“Hi,” Rin said.
“Hi Misha! Hanako! I thought Miki might want to come along with us. We’ve been running together in the mornings, so we’re kinda lunch buddies now,” Emi said.
“Yeah, I finally gave up on sleeping in…” Miki said. “Cool to see you guys again.”
Hanako made her way up next to Misha, clutching a hand near her collarbone and looking down.
“H-hi…” she mumbled, sounding a bit anxious. Emi’s enthusiasm lowered and she glanced towards Miki, whose face fell in turn as she took the hint.
“Uhh… I mean, if it’s not cool, I can go, and like…” Miki said awkwardly.
Hanako looked up at her, face inscrutable for a moment. Then she broke into a small smile.
“…It’s okay, M-Miki. You can hang out with us,” Hanako said.
“Sweet!” Miki exclaimed, slapping her forearm to make a clapping sound. “So! Why are we all out here?”
“Well~! We lost our secret spot, sooo~. I thought we should find a new one, and eat lunch there!” Misha explained.
“Guess it’s a good thing I brought you along then, Miki. You were part of the roof crew, too,” Emi said. “So where did you find?” she asked Misha.
“Huh~? Oh, nowhere yet! I thought you would have one. The track team has lots of secret spots. Ahaha~!” Misha said.
Emi shook her head in mild exasperation.
“That figures. Well, the only ‘secret spot’ left for us is the storage shed, and I really don’t think you’d wanna eat lunch in there. A lot of those surfaces have, uhh. They’ve seen things.”
“Then~! We’ll just find a new place!” Misha declared, sticking a fist in the air.
“…It can be like an ad-adventure, maybe,” Hanako said.
“I like adventures and all, but maybe we should save that part for after we eat. I’m hungry now,” Miki said.
“Yeah, I think we—” Emi started.
“I know a place,” Rin interjected, cutting through everyone else.
“You do?” Hanako asked.
Rin looked towards the back gate, through it and out into the woods beyond.
“That field?” Hanako prompted.
“No. Same direction. Different place. It’s close. But it feels far away.”
“Huh. Well, you’re the woods girl. Lead the way,” Miki said.
“So~, where’s Succhan?” Misha asked her as they began walking.
“Oh, she usually catches a nap around this time. Lunch break is the best time for her to recharge during the school day, so she’s kind of got a routine,” Miki answered.
“What have you and Hana been up to?” Emi shot back to Misha. “I feel like we haven’t seen you in a while. You’re never in the cafeteria!”
“Yeah, Emi-chan~! That’s why we need to get a secret lunch spot again! Me and Hacchan joined the Newspaper Club, so~, we like to eat in there!”
“Too cool for the cafeteria, huh? I see how it is,” Emi said.
“We just… kinda got really into it,” Hanako said. “It’s a new thing for us, so we wanted to work hard for it, I th-think.”
“Hacchan’s right. And she works harder than anyone else~!” Misha said.
“I guess if it’s not the Lit Club, the newspaper makes sense. Put all that library time to good use,” Miki remarked.
“Hmm… I don’t even go into the library that much, a-anymore,” Hanako observed. “I haven’t been reading as much…”
“Is that a bad thing?” Rin asked.
Hanako pondered the question, looking contemplative.
“I don’t think it is,” Rin continued, not waiting for an answer. “I don’t paint as much anymore either. If I’m not with the council, then Emi is making me do stuff.”
“Making you? Hey! What’s that mean?” Emi asked.
“You always make me eat, for one,” Rin said.
“…Well. Yeah,” Emi answered flatly. “You’ve got to eat, y’know. You don’t do it if I’m not watching you! It’s not healthy.”
“Wahaha~! I forgot how funny you are, Emirin! But~, that’s kind of sad, that you’re too busy to paint, isn’t it?” Misha asked Rin.
“I don’t really think so. It would be sad if I wanted to paint but I couldn’t. I just have more different things to do instead,” Rin said.
“Yeah… I know what you mean. L-life is, is… busier,” Hanako said.
“It’s not busy here,” Rin said, flapping a shirt sleeve towards a particularly large maple tree that sat apart from the others in the small clearing they’d just walked into. They’d taken the same forest path as before up to now, only having to turn slightly away from it to find the clearing. Nonetheless, once they were inside, no traces of the path remained. It was just far enough into the woods that Yamaku was no longer visible through the trunks and the foliage. It really did feel like a place apart, Hanako thought.
Rin walked up to the large tree and sat herself down in front of it, leaning her back against its trunk. She fell naturally into a particular groove near a large root, making it clear that she’d done this before.
“You really are full of secrets spots, Rin!” Misha said as the other girls sat down in a ring, using Rin as the starting point.
“It’s pretty here, Rin. Did you come here to p-paint?” Hanako asked.
“No. Mostly I just came here to worry. Sometimes to sleep.”
“Well, we’re not here to worry today. Let’s eat!” Emi said, unwrapping her food eagerly.
“Ehehe…” Misha chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of her head.
Hanako exchanged a look with her, deciding that they should probably go ahead and eat before talking too much more. She opened the containers she’d brought for Misha and her, eating in silence while Miki shared Emi’s food. Emi helped Rin eat in turn, peeling an orange for her and separating the slices so she could grasp them between her toes.
“Sorry to jank your secret hideout, Rin, but thanks for letting us in on it,” Miki said between mouthfuls.
“It’s not a hideout. It’s the Worry Tree,” Rin said.
“Worry Tree? You gave it a name?”
“Wahaha~! I guess it’s like a big older brother that holds you and listens to alll~ your problems!” Misha said.
“…Yes, actually,” Rin agreed.
“Huh. I wonder if he’s looking down your shirt from up there,” Miki observed, her eyes turning towards the lofty branches of the Worry Tree.
“Ahahaha~!”
“Pfahh! You’re probably the only one here trying to look down shirts,” Emi told Miki.
“You just wish I’d look down yours. Maybe I would, if there was anything to see,” Miki retorted.
“Ass.”
Emi gave Miki a playful shove. Or rather, tried to—the larger girl didn’t budge an inch. She smirked and pushed Emi halfway over without much effort, only needing to use her one hand. Misha continued to emit her booming laugh throughout this exchange, its infectious nature bringing a smile to Hanako’s face as well. Things felt fun, comfortable, even familiar. They could stay like this, Hanako thought. It would be so easy to sit here and just play around and not say anything. Misha would probably go along with it if she did.
It was sorely tempting. It’s what she would have done in the past, for sure. But that was just it—Hanako didn’t want to be that version of herself any longer.
“It’s good that it’s, a… W-Worry Tree,” Hanako said. “I… we do have something, we are w-worried about,” she continued, putting a hand over Misha’s knee.
“Should we leave? You know, so you can tell him?” Rin asked.
“Aha~, no silly, I… don’t think that’s what Hacchan meant,” Misha said, looking expectantly at her girlfriend.
“Yeah, we wanted to tell you guys, and… get your ad-advice, if you have any,” Hanako explained.
“Oh boy. I think I know what this is about. Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered,” Miki said.
“…Wh-what?”
“Hey, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Every couple has some problems in the sack, sooner or later. What worked for me and Suzu, was—”
“M-M-Miki! That’s—that’s n-not it!” Hanako exclaimed, her hands flying up in protest.
“It’s not? Ah, ahehe… whoops…”
“Whew. I might’ve had to go for a run if you didn’t stop her there, Hana. So… what’s up?” Emi asked.
“Um… uhh…”
Hanako gulped, looking down at her hands where they now rested in her lap. Or, no—they weren’t resting, they were fidgeting, wringing over each other like they had minds of their own. She forced them to stop, only to find that once she held them still, they started to tremble. Anxiety began to rise in Hanako’s throat. For a moment she thought she really couldn’t tell anyone about this after all… then she felt Misha’s hand on hers, looked up and saw Misha’s reassuring smile, waiting patiently for her.
“Err, well… it’s a pr-problem, with L-L-Lilly… sh-she… she k-kissed me, she kissed me for real, and she shouldn’t have, but she did, so we don’t kn-know if we can be fr-friends now, because I’m with M-Misha, and, and—”
“Whoa whoa. Now wait a minute,” Miki interjected, stopping Hanako’s torrent of words as it began to fall into stuttering. “So basically, Lilly… has the hots for you?”
Hanako looked at Miki, worried that she might see disgust in the other girl’s face, or barely contained laughter at how childish the whole thing was. But there was no judgment there, only curiosity and mild concern. Slowly, Hanako nodded.
“That’s definitely the kind of thing you tell the Worry Tree,” Rin observed.
“Wow, Hanako, that’s—something,” Emi said, pausing to process this information. “She… kissed you? When? And I mean, Misha, you’re okay with this? You’re not mad?”
“Not really~, Emi-chan. Lilly was sorry for it. I don’t think she really meant to do it, but…”
Misha looked at Hanako again, caution in her eyes. She was still letting her dictate the conversation, Hanako realized.
“…w-we got some wine for my b-birthday, and we all got dr-drunk, and Misha fell asleep… then, me and L-Lilly…”
“Oh, so it really was that kind of mistake, then. Still, that’s… got to be awkward,” Emi continued.
“Shit happens when bottles are involved,” Miki said. “Still, she’s lucky it’s you she crossed, Misha. You don’t seem like you’re able to get angry. Me on the other hand, if I thought someone tried putting the moves on Suzu behind my back, I’d probably beat their ass, wine or no wine.”
“Ahaha~. I don’t think I could beat up Lilly-chan. Maybe I should be more mad, but~, I just feel bad for her. Liking your best friend, when you can’t be with them, it’s… it’s hard, Micchan.”
Emi gave Misha a knowing look, recalling the conversations they’d had about Misha and Shizune.
“We’re not telling anyone about this, right?” Rin interrupted.
“No, of course not, Rin,” Emi told her, looking a little annoyed.
“Okay. I just had to make sure.”
“Gotta give her some credit, at least she knew to ask this time. She’s gotten better,” Miki said in reference to Rin.
Emi nodded in concession to that.
“Is this why I saw her getting into a car with her bags packed?” Rin asked, following her own train of thoughts past anyone else’s. “Is she withdrawing from the school in shame?”
“Ahahaha~! Ricchan, you doof, no! Lilly just went to see her parents in Scotland for a week!” Misha explained.
“So you will have to see her again, then,” Rin continued, unfazed.
Her point and its deadpan delivery deflated Misha’s mirth like a popped balloon.
“…Yeah~. I guess that’s kind of what we want to ask you guys about. We don’t really know what to do,” Misha said.
“Jeez, Misha, I wish I knew what to tell you. That sounds like it’s just a really hard situation,” Emi said.
“So you guys are just gonna do the thing where you sort of quietly stop hanging out?” Miki asked, the question sounding rhetorical. “You know, everyone feels like shit about it, no one got to say what they wanted to, but eventually life goes on?”
“…N-no, I… I don’t want to just forget about Lilly, like that,” Hanako said, her face focusing a bit more at Miki’s challenge.
“Good. ‘Cause that’s a shitty way to deal with it, even if it’s what most people end up doing. It’s the easy way out,” Miki said.
“Did you talk to her after it happened, Misha?” Rin asked.
“Oh, uhh, yeah, we… we talked, us three, and~…”
Another pause. This time Hanako was ready.
“…we thought, m-maybe, we could all… be t-together. So no one has to p-pick…”
Two sets of eyebrows went up at this. Rin, on the other hand, nodded thoughtfully as if this were the logical conclusion to reach.
“All three of you, together? Like… a love triangle?” Emi asked, sounding wary.
“Yeah~, like… I guess like a triangle, or… maybe like a sandwich~?” Misha said.
This drew a grin from Miki.
“A sandwich, huh? Well, again, you came to the right place, asking about this. Emi here has plenty of experience being sandwiched.”
“What? I thought Emi said she didn’t like Ricchan?” Misha asked, thoroughly confused.
“Ha ha, very funny,” Emi said. “Don’t you ever get tired of those jokes?”
“Hey, you make me run before I’m awake every day, I reserve the right to give you hell for it,” Miki said. “Anyways, you’re seriously considering that? The whole poly thing? That’s ballsy, but I mean, it is a thing…”
“P-poly?” Hanako asked.
“Polyamory,” Rin answered. “As opposed to monogamy. It refers to the practice of intimate relationships involving more than one partner with the full knowledge and consent of all involved.”
“So like… if you have two girlfriends, instead of one?” Misha clarified.
“…Yes.”
“That’s right~, that’s what we thought of. We just don’t know if, if that…” Misha said.
“…if it’s really a g-good idea,” Hanako finished. “Have any of you ever, uhh… tried anything, like that?”
“A threesome? No way. I guess it might work better with three girls? But uhh… yeah, out of my league,” Emi said.
“I never had a twosome, much less a threesome. I just have onesomes,” Rin said. “…Even those can be pretty hard sometimes,” she added as an afterthought.
“Hmm, I’ve definitely never been in like, a serious poly relationship,” Miki said. “I know it’s out there, but it just seems like, something crazy that you hear about. Not something that… actually happens.”
“Yeah, Micchan, yeah. That’s right~!” Misha agreed.
“Wait,” Emi said. “You said you were never in a serious relationship like that, but? Does that mean you’ve got some casual experience in the triangle department?” she asked Miki, seeking revenge for her running partner’s constant teasing. Instead of denying the suggestion, Miki only gave her a coy look.
“You’d just love to know, wouldn’t you?”
“Miki! Really!… With people here, at Yamaku?!” Emi continued.
Miki gave her a patronizing look.
“Come on now, you know Suzu would never go for something like that.”
“…But you would?” Hanako asked. “If you had two people that you liked, and… you could be with b-both of them… would you?”
“Hell, I don’t see why not. I mean, if everyone is, you know? Down with it? Go for it, I’d say. Live a little.”
“Mmm…”
Hanako’s eyes narrowed, a look of contemplation on her face.
“And you, Emi-chan? Do you think we should try the sandwich?” Misha asked.
Miki snorted with laughter at the word “sandwich.”
“Okay, first off, definitely no more saying ‘sandwich.’ That word is banned,” Emi said. “Second… hm… you know, I really wish I could tell you the right thing to do, but it’s like I said. It’s just… not something I know how to deal with.”
She gave Misha an apologetic look.
“Sorry.”
“That’s okay~. I’m just glad you talked to us. Rin?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think we should… do it?”
“Polyamory? I can’t tell what the you inside of you wants, but. I don’t think people should really do something like that. People make couples because then you have one yin and one yang. You can’t have two yins and one yang. One of the yins will get left out.”
“I swear, Rin, sometimes I think you must be smoking on the side, somehow,” Miki said. “Speaking of which…”
She withdrew a small joint from her pocket, plucked it up between her lips, then retrieved a lighter as well. Emi scoffed at this.
“Really, Miki? Here? Now?”
Miki looked pointedly around them as she lit and inhaled.
“Where else? We lost the roof, y’know. Gotta get it when I can,” she said. “You want another try?”
“No, I think I’ve learned my lesson with that stuff,” Emi said.
“Anyone else?” Miki asked.
“Uhh…”
Misha stared at the joint, her face frozen, until Hanako ribbed her with a frown.
“…I mean~, no! No, I’m okay, thanks~!” Misha said.
“Me too,” Hanako said.
For her answer, Rin tapped the side of the Worry Tree with a stub, indicating Miki should sit next to her.
“That’s my girl,” Miki said, moving into the spot and giving Rin the occasional turn. If the substance affected her, she never showed it outwardly.
“So, Rin, you don’t… you don’t think it’s a good idea?” Hanako prompted, the conflict in her head not soothed by these conflicting answers.
“I don’t think I do, no. You already had to make new yous for Lilly when this happened, right?”
“New us-es?”
“Right. You have a different version of you that you are with each person that you are around. Those yous are like the big you at the middle, too. If you try to make them change too much, too fast, they stretch and they break. And then things get broken between you and that person. If you did this, then… your Lilly you would have to change, a lot, very fast. If it breaks, you can’t take it back.”
“But… I feel like, m-maybe Lilly is already br-broken, and I want… I wish I could fix her,” Hanako said.
“Because she fixed you?” Rin asked.
“Huh? Ah, uhh! I never th-thought about it like that…”
“I don’t know if it’s like that. I just wish everyone could be happy, somehow~,” Misha said.
“You don’t owe anyone else their happiness, Misha,” Emi said. “You should do what you think is best for you and Hanako. Even if Lilly gets hurt, there might be no other choice.”
“I know…”
“You’re right, Emi… it’s just h-hard…” Hanako agreed.
“I dunno. I think you actually have a pretty cool opportunity. How many people get to say they ever really tried something like that?” Miki said. “You’re supposed to experiment while you’re young, right?” she continued, puffing out a small cloud of smoke for emphasis.
Rin frowned at this remark.
“I don’t think you should risk breaking yourself just to try new experiences,” she said.
“That’s an odd sentiment coming from my fellow smoker,” Miki said, placing the dwindling joint back into Rin’s lips.
“This won’t break me,” Rin assured her, taking a final drag from it. Miki took another herself for good measure before putting it out against the trunk of the tree.
“Say, Rin, you’re on the Student Council now. You really shouldn’t be doing that kind of thing, should you?” Emi asked.
“Huh.”
Rin looked at the remains of the offending object as though she had never considered this.
“I thought we weren’t telling anyone about this,” she said.
“So that’s your excuse? We’re talking about secret stuff, so no one is allowed to call you out on smoking a ‘funny cigarette?’”
“What happens at the Worry Tree stays at the Worry Tree. I think that’s a rule,” Rin said.
“Well, be careful. Shizune would garter your guts if she caught you.”
“Garter your guts? Waha~, what’s that? Rin’s got you talking funny too, Emi~!” Misha asked.
“Hey, it’s a pirate phrase. I figured that’s what I’ll be one day. Because, you know… I’ve already got the peg legs,” Emi said.
“…Wahahahaha~!”
“That’s funny, Emi…” Hanako said, smiling in amusement. “Thanks for talking to us about this… we’ll f-figure it out, somehow.”
“You’re welcome. And here I thought you just wanted to hang out with me for once,” Emi said.
“A-ahh!! Emi, of c-course I want to hang out with you, we’ve just b-been!”
“Haha, it’s fine, I know. Let’s get going?”
The group swept up their lunch containers and began the walk back to Yamaku.
“So. Let me just say—who called it? I told you, didn’t I? About Lilly and Hanako?” Miki said, giving Emi a light stump-punch, as they walked.
“You kn-knew, too?!” Hanako asked.
“Wow~! I didn’t think it was
that obvious!” Misha exclaimed.
Emi rolled her eyes at Miki.
“No, just because Miki—she thinks
everyone and their mom has an eye for anyone else. What’s that saying? A broken watch is still right once a day?”
“Twice,” Rin corrected her.
“Well, Miki’s only been right this once, so she’s not even a broken watch,” Emi continued.
Miki shrugged.
“Hey, just because you’re in denial, doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It only means I’m not right
yet. Don’t you and Rin pretty much hang out naked every day? You can’t tell me you two haven’t gotten a little curious.”
“Miki! Rin is right here!”
“Yeah, that’s the point. Look how hard you’re blushing over her.”
“Unfortunately, I really don’t think I’m Emi’s type,” Rin said.
“Yeah, you’re—wait, unfortunately?!” Emi asked incredulously.
“Right. I don’t have a penis. You seem to be fond of those, but I don’t have one, so there’s not a lot I can do for you, I don’t think.”
“Ahaha!” Miki laughed. “Guys are overrated. You’ll come around!”
“Wahaha~! I still wanna hear those bed tips sometime, Micchan!”
“M-Misha!”
“What, Hacchan? We’re supposed to get advice today, right, right~? Emi-chan might not get curious, but I do! Ahaha~!”
“You’re such a m-mess…”
“Wahaha~!”
Chapter 42 |
Chapter 44
