Hiya, you may have seen my other post about a song for Emi (http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6098). We just demo'd Lilly's song last night, and this time around our vocalist's voice sounds a lot better, I feel. If you can, please listen and give us your thoughts. There are a couple mistakes, but hey, it's a demo!
http://soundcloud.com/josh_mccathern/to ... roved-demo
Demo Recorded of Song About Lilly
Re: Demo Recorded of Song About Lilly
The song was very... paint by numbers. I didn't pick up any emotional content from it. It's to be expected though considering you cats can't really get together often enough to practice to where you could get beyond getting it right to adding in emotion.
I'm not expecting something like this, but some emotional content is required to express the tone of the song. It's not just the vocals on this one, everyone sounds emotionless. Like you're tired from a long day and you just want to get the song over with lol
For you guitar guys one way to do it, is to read a story that represents the emotion you're trying to convey before playing it. Looking at pictures while practicing can help too. Oh, and practice more so that you cats can play it without thinking about it. Then you can add emotion into it naturally. Record yourself playing guitar angry, then do it while you're sad or depressed. then listen to both. If you can't tell a difference you need to practice more.
Just remember that when the guitar is simple, it becomes an accompaniment to the vocals. Your singer is going to have to learn to bellow like a banshee instead of hold back like she has to for choir. She could try sing to Aretha Franklin or some Queen to get the feels for it. Obviously she won't be a banshee on this song, but that kind of practice is good for allowing her to put her feelings into it.
I'm not expecting something like this, but some emotional content is required to express the tone of the song. It's not just the vocals on this one, everyone sounds emotionless. Like you're tired from a long day and you just want to get the song over with lol
For you guitar guys one way to do it, is to read a story that represents the emotion you're trying to convey before playing it. Looking at pictures while practicing can help too. Oh, and practice more so that you cats can play it without thinking about it. Then you can add emotion into it naturally. Record yourself playing guitar angry, then do it while you're sad or depressed. then listen to both. If you can't tell a difference you need to practice more.
Just remember that when the guitar is simple, it becomes an accompaniment to the vocals. Your singer is going to have to learn to bellow like a banshee instead of hold back like she has to for choir. She could try sing to Aretha Franklin or some Queen to get the feels for it. Obviously she won't be a banshee on this song, but that kind of practice is good for allowing her to put her feelings into it.
Last edited by Daitengu on Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Demo Recorded of Song About Lilly
First of all, I like really like of the lyrics of the song.
Still, there are a few places where you could stand to change them a bit. Some words are stretched over 3 notes, and that's a bit long to my taste. And some words are repeated too soon, I guess? For example, "But know that I never lied - I only wanted to keep you.", how about something like "But know that I never lied to you - I only wanted us to stay together."
I also have to agree with Daitengu a bit. This is a sad song (Lilly's normal ending, I guess?), the singer should try to imagine that sadness herself and convey it. For me that didn't happen so much, though, although I feel like near the the ending it got somewhat better? Anyway, you're all young so this is a good beginning. Just keep at it and I'm sure you'll all get that much better. You have my support!
Still, there are a few places where you could stand to change them a bit. Some words are stretched over 3 notes, and that's a bit long to my taste. And some words are repeated too soon, I guess? For example, "But know that I never lied - I only wanted to keep you.", how about something like "But know that I never lied to you - I only wanted us to stay together."
I also have to agree with Daitengu a bit. This is a sad song (Lilly's normal ending, I guess?), the singer should try to imagine that sadness herself and convey it. For me that didn't happen so much, though, although I feel like near the the ending it got somewhat better? Anyway, you're all young so this is a good beginning. Just keep at it and I'm sure you'll all get that much better. You have my support!
Kind Regards, B.
Feeling like your heart is broken? Need to get it off your chest? Tell your story here.
Take a look at Eruta my jRPG under development. New web site since december 2012.
Play Ature, my free and open source indie Atari 2600 action adventure game.
All great love is above pity: for it wants - to create what is loved! -- F. Nietzsche - Thus Spoke Zarathustra.
Feeling like your heart is broken? Need to get it off your chest? Tell your story here.
Take a look at Eruta my jRPG under development. New web site since december 2012.
Play Ature, my free and open source indie Atari 2600 action adventure game.
All great love is above pity: for it wants - to create what is loved! -- F. Nietzsche - Thus Spoke Zarathustra.
Re: Demo Recorded of Song About Lilly
Hm, I can see how it would lack emotion, at least through the first half. The final version will certainly be more polished; this is just the "stick it on an iPod so she can sing along" version. That is definitely one thing I'll pass along to her though. As for that particular line, the "I only wanted to keep you," I wrote it that way to make a short repetition of "keep," since the line before is keeping promises, then never lied, then only kept. If that makes any sense. Will work on the timing of the lyrics though. As always, thanks for all your help!