New Experiences

[Robnonymous]

I have to say, I'm a little disappointed to see it end here. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I'm just... I dunno... I guess I'm a little bummed that we won't get to see their relationship grow into an actual relationship. Still a great story that I thoroughly enjoyed reading, though.

[Bagheera]

I have to say, I'm a little disappointed to see it end here. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I'm just... I dunno... I guess I'm a little bummed that we won't get to see their relationship grow into an actual relationship. Still a great story that I thoroughly enjoyed reading, though.

Aw, damn. I missed that bit. I figured that since they have two weeks left we'd be seeing more.

Ah well, such is life.

[Mahorfeus]

Why are they carrying thier own towels in thier luggage? Do inns and hotels in Japan not provide towels for thier guests or is the little shampoo bottles not the only things they're stealing?

Come on, every good hotel patron has to steal at least one towel! They're so soft and fresh.

I have to say, I'm a little disappointed to see it end here. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I'm just... I dunno... I guess I'm a little bummed that we won't get to see their relationship grow into an actual relationship. Still a great story that I thoroughly enjoyed reading, though.

(უಠ益ಠ)უ Don't you get me started! (again)

[Robnonymous]

I have to say, I'm a little disappointed to see it end here. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I'm just... I dunno... I guess I'm a little bummed that we won't get to see their relationship grow into an actual relationship. Still a great story that I thoroughly enjoyed reading, though.

(უಠ益ಠ)უ Don't you get me started! (again)

Hey now, it was my plan from the beginning that Hanako and Sho wouldn't get together. I wanted it to end on a hopeful note, but not spell everything out.

[CNB]

(remember, it didn't even occur to Naomi that they might be the source of Hanako's ire earlier! If that's the case, why would she suddenly drag them front and center now?)

I felt like the issue had already been dragged front and center by the way those scenes were structured. The disconnect came when not only the characters, but also the narration, no-sold it after the buildup.

To be clear, my problem is not with the characters' motivations or actions, it's with the presentation, which felt just a bit off-target to me.

[YOTC]

I have to say, I'm a little disappointed to see it end here. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I'm just... I dunno... I guess I'm a little bummed that we won't get to see their relationship grow into an actual relationship. Still a great story that I thoroughly enjoyed reading, though.

(უಠ益ಠ)უ Don't you get me started! (again)

Hey now, it was my plan from the beginning that Hanako and Sho wouldn't get together. I wanted it to end on a hopeful note, but not spell everything out.

Some people really do work best as just friends.

I still want to see more of this story though damnit.

[Mahorfeus]

Woah, woah, I don't didn't even bring that up. I have no idea what you're talking about.

In all seriousness, I suppose it's doubly relevant for me to say that there's nothing wrong with open endings. Once you resolve the conflict, it's hard to document what happens after without pacing issues, unless you go through the effort of introducing new conflicts. Do that too frequently, and you end up with a melodrama. This coming from the guy with minimal writing experience. Let him have his moment.

At least, that's what I tell myself so I can go to sleep every night.

[scott1and]

I have to say, I'm a little disappointed to see it end here. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I'm just... I dunno... I guess I'm a little bummed that we won't get to see their relationship grow into an actual relationship. Still a great story that I thoroughly enjoyed reading, though.

I must admit I'm not too happy with it ending where it is myself, and I may well write some further chapters. That's what I want to do anyway. But what I didn't want to do was write a scene where they're suddenly soul mates or having sex; it just doesn't seem likely. I mean, come on, it's been like one day since they've started dating. Even in fiction a relationship can't progress that much in that small amount of time. I could have bent a few rules here and there, but I'd rather not change their characters.

Thanks for the criticism though, I prefer that to people who just kiss your butt all the time. But I may start a sequel when I get the time. I left it open ended for a reason...

Why are they carrying thier own towels in thier luggage? Do inns and hotels in Japan not provide towels for thier guests or is the little shampoo bottles not the only things they're stealing?

They brought they're own towels just in case. Some hotels might have been dirty or not supplied them.

To be clear, my problem is not with the characters' motivations or actions, it's with the presentation, which felt just a bit off-target to me.

Could you be a bit more specific. Did it seem somewhat rushed, or was it just a mess in general?

Once you resolve the conflict, it's hard to document what happens after without pacing issues, unless you go through the effort of introducing new conflicts.

I had this problem. I didn't want to add anything new because, well, it didn't seem right. And I didn't want to do a huge time skip because I still didn't have a conflict to put there. I could have easily time skipped them back to Yamaku, but two weeks seemed like to big a gap for this story, seeing as it's been going pretty much hour by hour so far.

[Robnonymous]

I have to say, I'm a little disappointed to see it end here. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I'm just... I dunno... I guess I'm a little bummed that we won't get to see their relationship grow into an actual relationship. Still a great story that I thoroughly enjoyed reading, though.

I must admit I'm not too happy with it ending where it is myself, and I may well write some further chapters. That's what I want to do anyway. But what I didn't want to do was write a scene where they're suddenly soul mates or having sex; it just doesn't seem likely. I mean, come on, it's been like one day since they've started dating. Even in fiction a relationship can't progress that much in that small amount of time. I could have bent a few rules here and there, but I'd rather not change their characters.

Thanks for the criticism though, I prefer that to people who just kiss your butt all the time. But I may start a sequel when I get the time. I left it open ended for a reason...

Oh no, I totally agree. Having them suddenly all serious after only a day would've been unrealistic. I was just hoping to be able to follow the two of them over a longer course of time as that first kiss eventually blossoms into a full on relationship. However long (and as many chapters ) as that might take.

And you're welcome. I can totally relate to wanting to leave a story open-ended. And I can totally relate to feeling nonplussed when I don't get mah happy ending spelled out for me, *Mahorfeus*.

[Mahorfeus]

-incoherent grumbling-

They'll all look up, saying "Make a sequel!"

And I'll look down and whisper, "No."

[CNB]

Could you be a bit more specific. Did it seem somewhat rushed, or was it just a mess in general?

I went back and reread the scenes, and it's just those couple of lines, that describe the scars without actually describing them at all, that bother me. Something about the way they're written seems terribly odd to me, and registers as a weird discontinuity in the narrative flow. I think it's that they're making comparisons (the scars are worse in such-and-such areas) without any base referent (how bad Naomi thinks they are to begin with). It can be inferred from her behavior that she doesn't find them terribly off-putting, but it's strange to me that her inner monologue would be evasive at that one particular instant, when it's quite direct at all other times.

[YOTC]

I love the story, but I seem to remember reading SOMEWHERE that Naomi and Natsume were a couple. No idea where I read that though but I remember it being in a semi official place.

[scott1and]

I love the story, but I seem to remember reading SOMEWHERE that Naomi and Natsume were a couple. No idea where I read that though but I remember it being in a semi official place.

I have some recollection of that, but this is a fanfiction after all. I just bent the truth a wee bit Then again, I don't know if that's cannon or not. In my mind, side characters are great for branching out the left over characters after Hisao makes his choices. Hence why in this fic Naomi wants Hanako.

[Mirage_GSM]

I don't recall any official statement regarding Natsume and Naomi. In fact I don't even recall a fanfiction featuring the two.
As far as I know everything that's ever been official about any of the characters from the classroom CG is the pic Suriko (?) posted which contains their names, disabilities and clubs. (Except, of course, for Miki who got expanded on when the full version ws released.)

[Otakumon]

Isn't that Natsume and Naomi rumor based on a few pictures spread around in the Shimmie?