New Experiences
Re: New Experiences
Well, it 'seems' quick, but that's not keeping in mind They've known each other for 3 weeks, So Hanako would potentially, or even definitely, have known her own feelings of attraction by then. She also had 12 hours to think about what to do while Naomi was unconscious after her seizure. Budding teen romances are rather quick compared to adult ones.
Re: New Experiences
It was only 12 minutes, but still.Daitengu wrote:Well, it 'seems' quick, but that's not keeping in mind They've known each other for 3 weeks, So Hanako would potentially, or even definitely, have known her own feelings of attraction by then. She also had 12 hours to think about what to do while Naomi was unconscious after her seizure. Budding teen romances are rather quick compared to adult ones.
It's easy to suppose that Hanako's sexuality leans towards whoever is nice to her, but it's hard to say because she's only ever gotten close to two people, one of each gender. Hearing that Naomi happened to be of the appropriate sexuality and realizing that her feelings of attraction were sincere might have set that off. Different from with Lilly, who she probably never confessed to, or knew that she was hetero to begin with. As it's only at the "like" level, I'd say it's perfectly realistic.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
Re: New Experiences
Mahorfeus wrote:It was only 12 minutes, but still.Daitengu wrote:Well, it 'seems' quick, but that's not keeping in mind They've known each other for 3 weeks, So Hanako would potentially, or even definitely, have known her own feelings of attraction by then. She also had 12 hours to think about what to do while Naomi was unconscious after her seizure. Budding teen romances are rather quick compared to adult ones.
It's easy to suppose that Hanako's sexuality leans towards whoever is nice to her, but it's hard to say because she's only ever gotten close to two people, one of each gender. Hearing that Naomi happened to be of the appropriate sexuality and realizing that her feelings of attraction were sincere might have set that off. Different from with Lilly, who she probably never confessed to, or knew that she was hetero to begin with. As it's only at the "like" level, I'd say it's perfectly realistic.
My bad, I'm use to seeing longer. I have a cousin who goes into seizures daily, sometimes he's out for hours. The writing also lead me to believe it was a long while since Naomi says the day is wasted. I suppose I failed to pick up the context in both cases.
edit add: I was more pointing at Hanako probably knowing how she herself feels about her sexuality before hand. Though I could see her just latching onto who ever is nice, that'd be rather a terrible back petal in character development, so I don't think it's likely. Unless expressed that way in the writing, I'd be more inclined to believe she knows what she likes. Her claims of liking Lily 'that way' kind of counters the clingy need of acceptance view, unless it was a lie. Though she's more known for not saying anything versus lying.
Re: New Experiences
O I C Wut U Did TharDaitengu wrote:Though I could see her just latching onto who ever is nice, that'd be rather a terrible back petal in character development, so I don't think it's likely.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.
Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin
Griffon8's Writing
Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin
Griffon8's Writing
Re: New Experiences
days later and I regret that pun lolgriffon8 wrote:O I C Wut U Did TharDaitengu wrote:Though I could see her just latching onto who ever is nice, that'd be rather a terrible back petal in character development, so I don't think it's likely.
Re: New Experiences
Nice and subtle. If I hadn't been looking at KS's TVTropes page recently, I probably would have just assumed it was a mistake. I've seen it put that way before instead of the proper 'back-pedal'.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.
Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin
Griffon8's Writing
Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin
Griffon8's Writing
Re: New Experiences
I don't even remember who told me to come read this one, but it's actually pretty good. now to bookmark it and play the waiting game for the rest of it .
Re: New Experiences
My stories been causing conversations. Huzzah. Anyway here's the final part, which has been once again been looked over by Mirage.
New Experiences Ch 8
It's amazing what a good nights sleep will do for you. Not that I consider yesterday an overly disastrous day, but the bad things that did happen just pale in comparison to the good things.
I have a girlfriend.
Maybe it's a bit childish to be gleefully excited over the fact, but it doesn't matter to me. I've never had one before, so I can feel how I want.
After the whole incident yesterday, we ended up staying in the rest of the night. I'll admit we didn't really do anything that couples would do together, but it is a bit unrealistic for things like that to happen on the first night. Despite the many things I have read that suggest otherwise...
The night went by pretty uneventfully as well. I slept really well compared to the previous night, although it took me a while to actually get to sleep. After that I didn't wake up until Hanako started moving around. She was up quite early today, then again our train is in the morning this time, so we have to be.
From the last couple of days, I've gathered that Hanako usually has a shower as soon as she gets up. She told me once that's what she does at Yamaku to avoid being seen, so it must be habit more than anything else. Saying that, she has gone for a shower with others a few times lately, so maybe she isn't has hard hit by her scars as I thought she was.
When she gets out of the shower, I'll probably just stay in here unless she says otherwise. The last few times were a mistake, and if she's going to trust me, and me her, I need to remedy said mistake. It isn't like she's just going to suddenly drop her towel haphazardly or anything anyway. She may be more comfortable around me than others, but she's still shy about her appearance.
After a few minutes of waiting, she comes out of the bathroom. To my surprise, she's already partially dressed. Her feet are bare, but she's wearing a dark pair of jeans. The top half of her body is shrouded under her towel. I can't tell if there's anything under it, but I assume she at least isn't wearing a top of any sort; the towel doesn't look dry enough, and putting it over a top would just make it damp.
She makes her way across the room and sits herself opposite me. Her hands are still clutched around the towel, and she looks a little apprehensive, although I'm not quite sure what about. I'm about to ask but she speaks before I get a chance.
"Do you know why I got changed in here the past few days?"
I have some ideas, but I keep quiet and answer with an unsure shake of my head.
"It's because I wanted to see if you were r-really bothered by my scars or not."
"But I told you before they d-"
"I know that's what you said, but most people say that. I wanted to see if you were telling the truth or just pitying me."
"And you trust me now?"
"Yes. But I s-still need to do this."
After taking a deep breath and a second to prepare herself, she slowly removes the towel from around her torso. For a moment I thought she was showing me her chest, but soon realise she has a bra on under the towel.
Barring her bra, the top half of her body is now completely uncovered. Contrary to her usual behaviour, she isn't turning away or shaking out of nervousness. I can't say she looks completely calm, but that may be more out of embarrassment than fear.
I can't deny that I'm a little excited by this, although I'm pretty sure that isn't the effect she's looking for. I feel a little bad for thinking this after she turns around so her back is towards me.
She turns her head while her back is still turned. She doesn't look directly at me, instead focusing her gaze on the floor
"Please...l-look."
So I do.
The scars on her back are worse than those on the front, especially on her shoulder and near her hip. Her breathing has become noticeably more ragged since she turned, but she still doesn't seem scared. This just seems like what happened yesterday. Only instead of her face, it's her torso. Then again, even though to me they're similar, I can't imagine Hanako thinks the same.
I want to say something, but I'm not sure what. I don't just want to say she's pretty or cute. I know I'm allowed to say that, but I don't want her to feel that I'm just saying it every time she shows me her scars; it could make her feel worse about herself.
"I needed to show you." She's looking at my head now. "Because I-I don't want to feel like I have to hide myself from you. I know you don't m-mind, but that doesn't mean I feel the same."
"Is that another reason you got changed in here? To help yourself get used to being around me?"
"Yeah. Even before we were..." She blushes slightly before finally getting the words out. "...going out, I knew we'd be staying together. I thought trying to h-hide like I usually do wouldn't be good for our friendship."
"I knew you were shy about your body; I wouldn't have liked you less because you kept it to yourself."
"But I didn't want to be like that"
Oh. I see.
"I wanted to be able to stay in a room, with my friend, and not be afraid to get out of the shower, or change my top."
Well, you accomplished that much.
"It was so hard for m-me to come in here with only u-underwear and a towel. But I did it. Then..."
"Then I go and ruin it by going straight into the bathroom." It suddenly sinks in why she was so pissed at me. She'd overcome what she saw as a huge milestone, and I acted like I was trying to avoid her. Not only that, but it was her way to see if I was really her friend; and I failed. She must have felt like shit. "I'm sor-"
"D-don't apologise. It's because you did it I thought I should try a-again, in case it was me who made a mistake. And it was easier."
"And I did it again..." Now I feel like shit.
"You h-had your reasons, and you d-didn't know mine. It w-wasn't anyone's fault. Besides...I-I gave you a seizure, so..."
I guess she's right. We couldn't have known what the other was thinking, so there isn't much use worrying over it. It doesn't mean I feel any better about what I did though..
Coming out if my melancholic state, I realise Hanako is still sitting there in just her bra. I still feel a little excited, but decide against doing anything. As much as I'd like to, it's been barely a day since we started going out, and I don't think it's entirely appropriate given the circumstances. I'm not saying I won't try something at a later date; there is still just under two weeks left of the trip after all. I just think we shouldn't rush into stuff too soon. Then again, I don't know how Hanako deals with this kind of thing. She's never had a relationship before either, and from what I can tell, she isn't a closet pervert.
That gives me something else to worry about though. Hanako said she had feelings for Hisao and Lilly, and that she was 'probably' bi. Does that mean she only likes people she gets close too? Am I one of those people? While I'd still give the relationship a try if that were the case, I'd still like to know how she feels about me.
“Hanako, do you...” I've got her attention, but I feel a little bad asking this.
“Do you actually like me?”
“Of course I do. W-why would you think I didn't?” That was stupid. Maybe I should have been less ambiguous.
“I mean...I know you like me, but...is it because...” I'm not quite sure how to word this. “I mean, you liked Lilly after she was nice to you, and the same happened with Hisao. I'm just...worried you think the same of me.”
“I do like you. Really. I just...” She looks a little hurt by my comments and questions, but if this relationship is to realistically work, I don't want anything being held back. If we get it out of the way now, and still like each other, then it’ll be better in the long run. I hope.
“It's just... it isn't like I thought of them that way when I first met them. I wasn't even sure about Lilly because she was a girl, but she had told me she wasn't interested in girls anyway. She went to an all girls school, and s-she said she got a lot of love c-confessions...so...”
“Ah, I understand.” Lucky.
“But I was sure I liked her, I know that much. Her being blind and nice to me may have been where it started, but my feelings weren't totally b-based on...on this...”
“Was it the same with Hisao?”
“No. I mean, I'm not even totally sure I liked him. Not really. But he is important to me. Not just because he's my friend, but because he made me feel...better about myself.”
She's right. She's told me herself what he's done for her, but even other people in our class have noticed how much more social she's become. She's not exactly outgoing, but for her it's a real difference.
“He's the reason I became friends with you, after all.” She's smiling now. That's good.
“I'll have to thank him for that.”
With the somewhat depressing air around us now lifting, I feel relieved, and I think Hanako does too.
“Hanako...”
“Yes?”
“You're still sitting there topless.”
She blushes slightly, which surprises me as she's been sitting there like that for a while. Maybe she's surprised she actually forgot.
“S-sorry.” She modestly covers herself with the towel, despite having already been flaunting her wares for the last few minutes, and moves to get something to wear.
“You don't have to apologise...” That sounded dirtier than it was meant to.
My comment doesn't go by unnoticed, but I'm blushing more than her. She probably thinks I'm a perv now. Not that it bothers me, however.
Hanako moves across the room towards her suitcase, but rather than rummage through it for some clothes, she instead picks up the bag that contains the top I bought her yesterday.
She briefly looks towards me before putting it on. I'm reminded of how nice it looked on her in the store. It feels nice to know she's wearing something I bought her. I can't explain it; it's like something between pride and happiness or something.
She even looks better in it now. I don't know if it's because she looks more confident in it or because we're actually going out now, but either way I'm not complaining.
“I still think you look nice in that.”
“T-thanks.” She looks embarrassed. Another point to me; maybe I should stop enjoying her embarrassed face. I'll change the subject to make up for it.
“When do you want to head for the train? I mean, we could go out first, but then we'll have to carry our stuff with us.” This is why we only have a suitcase each. If we had more it would get annoying going from train to train. At least in Otaru we'll be staying longer than 3 days.
“We could get some food first. It's too early for breakfast.”
“That sounds good. I'll just put the last of my stuff away then.”
She puts her towel into a plastic bag and places it in her case, while I do the same with our shampoo and conditioner. I'm happy taking a shower in the next place; I'd rather not pack away a wet towel.
“How long do we have?”
“A-about thirty minutes or so.”
“Ah, lets go then. I like getting there early.”
She makes a noise between a groan and a giggle. It sounds weird.
“Yeah, I know.”
With all packed away, Hanako pulls her case to the door while I double check the bathroom and steal the little bottles of shampoo. After I'm definitely sure I haven't forgotten nothing, I join her and we head downstairs.
“You're being fussy, Naomi.”
“You're just jealous I got the shampoo before you did.” It smells like peaches.
We sign out at the reception, after waiting about five minutes for a member of staff to actually tend to us. We return our key and make for the front door and towards the station. While I enjoyed my time here, I'm not too sad about leaving this place. The next place looked nicer in the pictures.
Saying that, even though we didn't do much here, the memories will always stay with me. Obviously getting my first girlfriend is one, but Hanako topless wasn't to bad either.
“You know, it turned out pretty nice. Staying here, I mean.”
“Yeah. It did.” She hesitates for a second. “Naomi?”
“Hm?”
“I really enjoyed myself. T-thank you.” After getting her words out, she gives me a shy peck on the cheek. She can be so cute when she wants to be.
“Well, we still have two weeks to go.”
Even though we've only been together a day, travelling with the person you like is as good a way to spend your holiday. And as I said, there's still two weeks left. Who knows what we could do or experience together.
I'm looking forward to Otaru now.
New Experiences Ch 8
It's amazing what a good nights sleep will do for you. Not that I consider yesterday an overly disastrous day, but the bad things that did happen just pale in comparison to the good things.
I have a girlfriend.
Maybe it's a bit childish to be gleefully excited over the fact, but it doesn't matter to me. I've never had one before, so I can feel how I want.
After the whole incident yesterday, we ended up staying in the rest of the night. I'll admit we didn't really do anything that couples would do together, but it is a bit unrealistic for things like that to happen on the first night. Despite the many things I have read that suggest otherwise...
The night went by pretty uneventfully as well. I slept really well compared to the previous night, although it took me a while to actually get to sleep. After that I didn't wake up until Hanako started moving around. She was up quite early today, then again our train is in the morning this time, so we have to be.
From the last couple of days, I've gathered that Hanako usually has a shower as soon as she gets up. She told me once that's what she does at Yamaku to avoid being seen, so it must be habit more than anything else. Saying that, she has gone for a shower with others a few times lately, so maybe she isn't has hard hit by her scars as I thought she was.
When she gets out of the shower, I'll probably just stay in here unless she says otherwise. The last few times were a mistake, and if she's going to trust me, and me her, I need to remedy said mistake. It isn't like she's just going to suddenly drop her towel haphazardly or anything anyway. She may be more comfortable around me than others, but she's still shy about her appearance.
After a few minutes of waiting, she comes out of the bathroom. To my surprise, she's already partially dressed. Her feet are bare, but she's wearing a dark pair of jeans. The top half of her body is shrouded under her towel. I can't tell if there's anything under it, but I assume she at least isn't wearing a top of any sort; the towel doesn't look dry enough, and putting it over a top would just make it damp.
She makes her way across the room and sits herself opposite me. Her hands are still clutched around the towel, and she looks a little apprehensive, although I'm not quite sure what about. I'm about to ask but she speaks before I get a chance.
"Do you know why I got changed in here the past few days?"
I have some ideas, but I keep quiet and answer with an unsure shake of my head.
"It's because I wanted to see if you were r-really bothered by my scars or not."
"But I told you before they d-"
"I know that's what you said, but most people say that. I wanted to see if you were telling the truth or just pitying me."
"And you trust me now?"
"Yes. But I s-still need to do this."
After taking a deep breath and a second to prepare herself, she slowly removes the towel from around her torso. For a moment I thought she was showing me her chest, but soon realise she has a bra on under the towel.
Barring her bra, the top half of her body is now completely uncovered. Contrary to her usual behaviour, she isn't turning away or shaking out of nervousness. I can't say she looks completely calm, but that may be more out of embarrassment than fear.
I can't deny that I'm a little excited by this, although I'm pretty sure that isn't the effect she's looking for. I feel a little bad for thinking this after she turns around so her back is towards me.
She turns her head while her back is still turned. She doesn't look directly at me, instead focusing her gaze on the floor
"Please...l-look."
So I do.
The scars on her back are worse than those on the front, especially on her shoulder and near her hip. Her breathing has become noticeably more ragged since she turned, but she still doesn't seem scared. This just seems like what happened yesterday. Only instead of her face, it's her torso. Then again, even though to me they're similar, I can't imagine Hanako thinks the same.
I want to say something, but I'm not sure what. I don't just want to say she's pretty or cute. I know I'm allowed to say that, but I don't want her to feel that I'm just saying it every time she shows me her scars; it could make her feel worse about herself.
"I needed to show you." She's looking at my head now. "Because I-I don't want to feel like I have to hide myself from you. I know you don't m-mind, but that doesn't mean I feel the same."
"Is that another reason you got changed in here? To help yourself get used to being around me?"
"Yeah. Even before we were..." She blushes slightly before finally getting the words out. "...going out, I knew we'd be staying together. I thought trying to h-hide like I usually do wouldn't be good for our friendship."
"I knew you were shy about your body; I wouldn't have liked you less because you kept it to yourself."
"But I didn't want to be like that"
Oh. I see.
"I wanted to be able to stay in a room, with my friend, and not be afraid to get out of the shower, or change my top."
Well, you accomplished that much.
"It was so hard for m-me to come in here with only u-underwear and a towel. But I did it. Then..."
"Then I go and ruin it by going straight into the bathroom." It suddenly sinks in why she was so pissed at me. She'd overcome what she saw as a huge milestone, and I acted like I was trying to avoid her. Not only that, but it was her way to see if I was really her friend; and I failed. She must have felt like shit. "I'm sor-"
"D-don't apologise. It's because you did it I thought I should try a-again, in case it was me who made a mistake. And it was easier."
"And I did it again..." Now I feel like shit.
"You h-had your reasons, and you d-didn't know mine. It w-wasn't anyone's fault. Besides...I-I gave you a seizure, so..."
I guess she's right. We couldn't have known what the other was thinking, so there isn't much use worrying over it. It doesn't mean I feel any better about what I did though..
Coming out if my melancholic state, I realise Hanako is still sitting there in just her bra. I still feel a little excited, but decide against doing anything. As much as I'd like to, it's been barely a day since we started going out, and I don't think it's entirely appropriate given the circumstances. I'm not saying I won't try something at a later date; there is still just under two weeks left of the trip after all. I just think we shouldn't rush into stuff too soon. Then again, I don't know how Hanako deals with this kind of thing. She's never had a relationship before either, and from what I can tell, she isn't a closet pervert.
That gives me something else to worry about though. Hanako said she had feelings for Hisao and Lilly, and that she was 'probably' bi. Does that mean she only likes people she gets close too? Am I one of those people? While I'd still give the relationship a try if that were the case, I'd still like to know how she feels about me.
“Hanako, do you...” I've got her attention, but I feel a little bad asking this.
“Do you actually like me?”
“Of course I do. W-why would you think I didn't?” That was stupid. Maybe I should have been less ambiguous.
“I mean...I know you like me, but...is it because...” I'm not quite sure how to word this. “I mean, you liked Lilly after she was nice to you, and the same happened with Hisao. I'm just...worried you think the same of me.”
“I do like you. Really. I just...” She looks a little hurt by my comments and questions, but if this relationship is to realistically work, I don't want anything being held back. If we get it out of the way now, and still like each other, then it’ll be better in the long run. I hope.
“It's just... it isn't like I thought of them that way when I first met them. I wasn't even sure about Lilly because she was a girl, but she had told me she wasn't interested in girls anyway. She went to an all girls school, and s-she said she got a lot of love c-confessions...so...”
“Ah, I understand.” Lucky.
“But I was sure I liked her, I know that much. Her being blind and nice to me may have been where it started, but my feelings weren't totally b-based on...on this...”
“Was it the same with Hisao?”
“No. I mean, I'm not even totally sure I liked him. Not really. But he is important to me. Not just because he's my friend, but because he made me feel...better about myself.”
She's right. She's told me herself what he's done for her, but even other people in our class have noticed how much more social she's become. She's not exactly outgoing, but for her it's a real difference.
“He's the reason I became friends with you, after all.” She's smiling now. That's good.
“I'll have to thank him for that.”
With the somewhat depressing air around us now lifting, I feel relieved, and I think Hanako does too.
“Hanako...”
“Yes?”
“You're still sitting there topless.”
She blushes slightly, which surprises me as she's been sitting there like that for a while. Maybe she's surprised she actually forgot.
“S-sorry.” She modestly covers herself with the towel, despite having already been flaunting her wares for the last few minutes, and moves to get something to wear.
“You don't have to apologise...” That sounded dirtier than it was meant to.
My comment doesn't go by unnoticed, but I'm blushing more than her. She probably thinks I'm a perv now. Not that it bothers me, however.
Hanako moves across the room towards her suitcase, but rather than rummage through it for some clothes, she instead picks up the bag that contains the top I bought her yesterday.
She briefly looks towards me before putting it on. I'm reminded of how nice it looked on her in the store. It feels nice to know she's wearing something I bought her. I can't explain it; it's like something between pride and happiness or something.
She even looks better in it now. I don't know if it's because she looks more confident in it or because we're actually going out now, but either way I'm not complaining.
“I still think you look nice in that.”
“T-thanks.” She looks embarrassed. Another point to me; maybe I should stop enjoying her embarrassed face. I'll change the subject to make up for it.
“When do you want to head for the train? I mean, we could go out first, but then we'll have to carry our stuff with us.” This is why we only have a suitcase each. If we had more it would get annoying going from train to train. At least in Otaru we'll be staying longer than 3 days.
“We could get some food first. It's too early for breakfast.”
“That sounds good. I'll just put the last of my stuff away then.”
She puts her towel into a plastic bag and places it in her case, while I do the same with our shampoo and conditioner. I'm happy taking a shower in the next place; I'd rather not pack away a wet towel.
“How long do we have?”
“A-about thirty minutes or so.”
“Ah, lets go then. I like getting there early.”
She makes a noise between a groan and a giggle. It sounds weird.
“Yeah, I know.”
With all packed away, Hanako pulls her case to the door while I double check the bathroom and steal the little bottles of shampoo. After I'm definitely sure I haven't forgotten nothing, I join her and we head downstairs.
“You're being fussy, Naomi.”
“You're just jealous I got the shampoo before you did.” It smells like peaches.
We sign out at the reception, after waiting about five minutes for a member of staff to actually tend to us. We return our key and make for the front door and towards the station. While I enjoyed my time here, I'm not too sad about leaving this place. The next place looked nicer in the pictures.
Saying that, even though we didn't do much here, the memories will always stay with me. Obviously getting my first girlfriend is one, but Hanako topless wasn't to bad either.
“You know, it turned out pretty nice. Staying here, I mean.”
“Yeah. It did.” She hesitates for a second. “Naomi?”
“Hm?”
“I really enjoyed myself. T-thank you.” After getting her words out, she gives me a shy peck on the cheek. She can be so cute when she wants to be.
“Well, we still have two weeks to go.”
Even though we've only been together a day, travelling with the person you like is as good a way to spend your holiday. And as I said, there's still two weeks left. Who knows what we could do or experience together.
I'm looking forward to Otaru now.
Re: New Experiences
Okay, in terms of other stuff...
They're both words. Although I admit your word fits more, if you were in fact suggesting an alternative to what I chose. I was probably thinking of that one.
Anyway, thanks everyone for reading this
This is true, as she is at least friendly with Natsume, but the whole thing with her crushing on her friends is true as well, or rather it was. Hanako knows this is why she started liking Lilly, but also knows that these feelings developed into true affection for her. She isn't sure how she felt about Hisao, but it wasn't just because he was being nice to her, it's because he made her feel better about herself.griffon8 wrote:Doesn't Hanako also have good relationships with the other members of the newspaper club? Even if her relationship with Naomi is the best, that would mean—presumably—that Hanako has friends in which she doesn't hold a romantic interest.
You must be new. Look through the FanFictions forums for a while.On more serious note, even though I knew, where the story might go, the thought of Hanako being a lesbian feels a little odd. I guess I just have sort of trouble imagining her as one.
Of course notDemoneq wrote:Is it bad that i know exactly what that was the second I read it
CNB wrote:Disorienting and Disorientating
They're both words. Although I admit your word fits more, if you were in fact suggesting an alternative to what I chose. I was probably thinking of that one.
Anyway, thanks everyone for reading this
Re: New Experiences
I like how you addressed the "she only likes her because she's nice" thing, it fit in rather well.
And I can appreciate that you didn't go off the deep end and plunge into a full-blown yuri scene (not to imply that you would). It would have been entirely inappropriate.
Seeing the story as a whole, I can honestly say that you pulled off the whole thing rather tastefully.
And I can appreciate that you didn't go off the deep end and plunge into a full-blown yuri scene (not to imply that you would). It would have been entirely inappropriate.
Seeing the story as a whole, I can honestly say that you pulled off the whole thing rather tastefully.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
Re: New Experiences
I like the pacing. This is turning out really well; one of the better stories here. Keep it up!
Girls: Emi = Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Shizune = Rin
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako
Re: New Experiences
The thing that bugs me about this is that both characters appear to think that Naomi looking at Hanako's scars is a big deal, but when it happens, it's almost completely glossed over. The scars are never actually described, there's just a sentence or two of, "Such-and-such ones look more severe than the others." Being that vague and bland about it dilutes any impact it might have had. Even if you're unsure of how to accurately describe burn scars, I think those sections would work better if there were more indication that Naomi is actually looking at Hanako and processing what she sees. It wouldn't even have to be description; it could just be her thoughts or emotional reactions. To the scars themselves, to the contrast between them and Hanako's undamaged skin, to the asymmetry in general -- there are any number of things to focus and comment on.
re: disorient(ate): I guess it's just a US v. UK dialect thing.
re: disorient(ate): I guess it's just a US v. UK dialect thing.
Re: New Experiences
See, I had the opposite reaction. I like the fact that our intrepid author didn't dwell too much on the scars because it told me Naomi was telling the truth when she said they didn't bother her. The scars, like the girls' sexuality, are superficial things. The meat of the story is the relationship developing between the two, and that's what deserves our full attention. Describing the scars in detail would be a distraction (remember, it didn't even occur to Naomi that they might be the source of Hanako's ire earlier! If that's the case, why would she suddenly drag them front and center now?).CNB wrote:The thing that bugs me about this is that both characters appear to think that Naomi looking at Hanako's scars is a big deal, but when it happens, it's almost completely glossed over. The scars are never actually described, there's just a sentence or two of, "Such-and-such ones look more severe than the others." Being that vague and bland about it dilutes any impact it might have had. Even if you're unsure of how to accurately describe burn scars, I think those sections would work better if there were more indication that Naomi is actually looking at Hanako and processing what she sees. It wouldn't even have to be description; it could just be her thoughts or emotional reactions. To the scars themselves, to the contrast between them and Hanako's undamaged skin, to the asymmetry in general -- there are any number of things to focus and comment on.
I think it all worked pretty well, personally.
Girls: Emi = Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Shizune = Rin
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako
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Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6149
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: New Experiences
I agree with Bagheera. I didn't miss a description of the scars at all.
Not sure if it would have detracted much, but it is definitely unneccessary.
Not sure if it would have detracted much, but it is definitely unneccessary.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Re: New Experiences
Why are they carrying thier own towels in thier luggage? Do inns and hotels in Japan not provide towels for thier guests or is the little shampoo bottles not the only things they're stealing? 