Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Beoran]

The writers of Katawa Shoujo probably didn't expect that there would be such emotional reactions to their game. However, due to the painstaking care they took in their writing and design, they created characters that resonate with our feelings and make us think about ourselves. Hanako and also Emi are characters who suffered especially from the scars of their past, and that apealls to people who have similar problems. They allow us to tell of our problems in the terms of a love story, which is encouraging.

In the thread http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=5790 on Hanako's tile walking game, it was commented how lonely Hanako must have been to still be playing such a game in her teenage years. Soon the topic turned to the discussion of loneliness. After that, many people, including myself, about their own negative experiences. That is why I created this thread to have a proper on topic thread for people who want to talk about their own negative life experiences and feelings.

So if you feel lonely, distant, depressed, blue, down, out of it, clouds in your head, or if you were bullied as a child, abandoned by your friends, betrayed by your lover, or your hart was broken in any other way, then this thread is here for you to tell your story. Welcome to Hanako's Broken Heart Club!

Edit:
No matter if you troubles seem big or small, if you have a broken heart, this thread is for you. Just talk about it and we will listen. You may not always receive comments on your story, but that's because it's sometimes hard for other people to give a reply that would be helpful. But we will listen to you and we hope that you will find a way to be healed.

Edit 2:
On the forum, some people have shown up who are seriously depressed, or even considering harming themselves. I'd like to stress that if you feel seriously depressed or are actively considering harming yourself, then you should look for professional help right away. You are free to tell your story here, but please, first and foremost make sure that you are safe, and properly taken care of if that's what you need.

Edit 3:
As of lately, there has been a bit too much off topic posting going on in this thread. Therefore I'd like to add this guideline: you message should be at least one paragraph long, and should contain either your story, and update on your story, or comments on someone else story. Jokes on the side or off topic remarks are OK from time to time, but I'd like to see at least one on-topic paragraph in every message in this thread. Thank you very much.

Edit 4:
There is now a dedicated forum for Hanako's Broken Hearts Club, that also allows of topic discussion by and for the fans of this game. So please come join us there if you like this idea: http://www.hbhc.co.cc/

[dunkelfalke]

Well, here's one of my stories.
I used to have a fiancee. We were very close and could understand each other without words. The senses of humour were very well compatible, well, actually almost everything. I moved to a different part of Germany, to be closer to her. Actually I did so much for her... Unfortunately, a few years before we met she had a bad motorcycle accident. The brain damage manifested itself later as epileptic surges. She had to take anticonvulsiva to prevent seizures and they totally changed her personality. Every new active ingredient has changed her to someone else. Unfortunately, this new person didn't love me. She cheated on me, then left me at about the same time I lost my job. I put up a lot of weight during that time, being almost unable to walk at the lowest point.

For the last two years I've been struggling to come back to life. I found a well payed job that I love, I've lost 40 kilos and am better in form than in years, but still not nearly well enough. And I still think of her every minute and it hurts.

[GaseousMask]

I posted up my story the first time i stumbled upon the forums a few weeks ago after playing Hanako's story line because it hit me hard...

And here it is http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=13&t ... 780#p80780 Don't know if i should quote it or not since its quite a long read about my past.

All in all, I was bullied as a kid half my life because I was minority. Even some of my friends bullied/teased me about it. I couldn't reach out to my own parents and siblings cause they were always away at school/college and work and had to try to fend for myself. Usually, I'll just try to escape the reality by reading fiction novels and finish them by the day and when video games started getting more involved in my life, i switched to that instead. It wasn't until high school when i started when i got bullied less, probably because people were more mature, made true friends but nonetheless there were still some bullies. It finally ended when i snapped, literally picked up one of the bullies picking on me, and threw him off a railing (a short, yet still painful fall). I'd have to thank my cousin for training me. It still left me as an emotional wreck though for a really long time and even its better now, i still take these sort of things personally, even though if its just playful teasing. Although i did come to fancy the term some friends have given me, "The Gentle Giant" and a lot of them come to me now for help or advice, and of course i'll try to help them in anyway way i can. A big part of me wants me to help those in need, because I myself barely got any when i needed it.
Sigh.. even with a slight turn around, i still enter states of depression from time to time... somewhere in my head is saying "I don't want to die alone". Or the fear of being alone again like in the past.

[Exbando]

I'll go ahead and re-post my original story from the other thread:

If I'm allowed to, I'd like to join in this conversation. I hate being around people (except for my few friends). Even when I'm at work, I avoid other people at all costs. Since we're allowed to listen to music, I just blast my music so that I can't hear anybody, and that they realize that it's a waste of time to try and talk to me. When I was in Elementary school, I was always made fun of for being short, having freckles, and having braces. When Middle school rolled around, it turned out that I had some sort of Kidney disease (I don't recall the name, it was really complicated), and I had a prescription of Prednisone to take every day for the nest few years. One of the side effects caused my cheeks to get bigger, which made everybody start calling me "Chubby Cheeks" or "Chipmunk" all the time. I even went to the counselor about it, and nothing changed. When I got into High School, I decided to join the Marching Band to try and be slightly more social. My Freshman year, I just was kinda there for practice, and during breaks, I would sit by myself and try to test other people. My thinking was "If they see me sitting here by myself, are they going to sit by me?" That answer was no. My Sophomore year, I was much more social. I was eating with people, laughing with them, etc., etc. When I got into my Junior year, I thought that I was being too social, so I backed off. It was like I was a Freshman again. When Senior year came around, I quit the Marching Band (partially due to stress). It was then that I was able to hang out with the few friends that I had made in Middle School (all 3 of them). We decided to start playing Magic: the Gathering during lunch, which only caused the other people to make fun of us. This didn't really phase my friends, but I was getting angrier by the second. And now, two years after graduating High School, am I just now realizing how bad my depression is getting (to the point of me thinking things like "You should just kill yourself, who's going to notice?") At least I have enough common sense to not follow through on those thoughts. I haven't really been able to talk about this until just now. It feels good to get this off of my chest. Sorry for the wall of text, I think all of that really needed to be said.

[Beoran]

Dunkelfake, gaseousmask and Exbando, welcome!

Dunkelfake, without any bad intentions i'd say your story sounds like something straight from a soap opera. I'm completely flabbergastered to hear this, nevermind how you must have felt.

Gaseousmask, bullying is maybe still an underestimated problem. I hope that schools these days take bullying more seriously then they did in my youth. When I was bullied and became agressive, I was punished for it, and I felt ashamed so I could not use agression anymore and I was robbed of my only defense. When my father was a kid he was also bullied, but he'd just beat them up and then they'd leave him alone. But when I was a kid that wasn't acceptable anymore. I don't like violence, but if someone is constantly and maliciousy harassingand bullying you, I'd say it may be a neccesary form of self-defense. It seem to me that the more we try to supress physical violence in kids, the more it comes out as psychological violence in stead.

Exbando, thanks for the repost. I'm sory I don't have anything new to say about it at this time.

[HarvestmanMan]

[dunkelfalke]

Dunkelfake, without any bad intentions i'd say your story sounds like something straight from a soap opera. I'm completely flabbergastered to hear this, nevermind how you must have felt.

In addition to that I was totally hurt by all that, I felt indeed very ridiculous because it is as you say. Never have thought that such things happen in real life before it happened to me. And trust me, if you knew more details, it would sound much, much more like a soap opera than it does already

If it wasn't so sad, I'd actually laugh about it.

[dunkelfalke]

All in all, I was bullied as a kid half my life because I was minority.

I know the feeling. On the very last day of school, receiving my abitur diploma, my only thought was along the lines of "hell yeah, i don't have to see these arseholes ever again".
10 years later I am still happy about it.

[danyo]

First off, @dunkelfalke That sucks to hear man... I can relate though (kinda), and it sucks

Well, I'll be sharing my story here aswell again then, this time, I'll give the full story.

Well, it all started around 3 years ago, when I was together still with my girlfriend who I've been together with for over 6 years. After her last day of college, she suprise visited me and I was as usual very happy to see her. But that soon turned to be false. She didn't really waste any time, and said we needed some part time apart, wich absolutely tore me apart alone already, I ended up shaking and briefly fainting after she told me that. That was how much of a suprise it was to me.

So she leaves, and I decide to give her some time because I thought she might need some time after bad exams or something, I had no idea. So after a week or 2 have gone passed, I decide I wanna talk to her and see what's going on exactly. We meet up somewhere, and we talk, but she doesn't really say anything at all, she doesn't answer any questions I have, and basicly, she told me she needed more time. That's when I was starting to really feel bad, I started becoming desperate, because I gave up my best friend for her, because they didn't get along well, and we shared all our other friends pretty much.

So out of desperation I keep trying to get answers out of her, but she never tells me anything. In the end a good month goes passed when my stephbrother comes to visit our house. After his visit my mother comes over to me, and with as much tact as she could, asked me if I knew my ex had a new boyfriend already. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped at that point for a bit. I didn't know what exactly was going on, but apparantly my stephbrother had told my mother that my ex on facebook had a new relationship there. He found it odd that I didn't mention it, so he asked my mother about it, who then told me.

I was devastated, I never cheated on her, I never lied to her, we always were honest wich each other ( I guess in the end, I was the only one ) so I couldn't really believe it at first, but when my stephbrother told me that I could have a look on his facebook, it turned out all to be true. So, I decided I needed to talk to her, one last time to get some answers.

I called her, and I asked her about it, and she just coldly said it was true, and when I asked for more questions since there's a lot I couldn't understand, my mind was a mess at that point. All the answers she gave me was "I don't know" and "sorry" as if that would make it better. I think in the end I might have said something harsh, because I just got so angry because she didn't seem to be able to give me any sort of closure or explanation, I said something that I knew would hit a soft spot, she called me an asshole, hung up, and we never spoke again. ( she also never returned the key to our house, even though my mother asked her several times -.-' )

That's when I pretty much hit rock bottom, I was depressed, at that time, I needed people to talk to, but in the end, no one came, or even tried to contact me, and I ended up being alone for my grief.

But, that's not the end off the story, sadly enough. That year, I was also being tested regurally in a psychological institution, it was part of a starting to work program, and it was initially to find out what kinda job would suit me well, since I was kinda clueless about what I wanted to do in my life. As the tests went on, I realised at some point some of those tests, especially towards the end, seemed kinda strange for a work related test. It turned out they had suspicion of me having autisme spectrum syndrome ( it's basicly a form of autism that isn't really obvious, to most people I seem to be a normal person, I just come over as a shy person or something, if you wanna know more, you're probably better off googling it ). Wich after 2-3 months after breaking up with my ex, I got the results off, and it turned out I had it. Wich basicly meant for me that I have difficulties socializing with people I don't know, and a lot more stress in public places then normal, amongst other things. Now, I kinda put those together, losing my friends after breaking up with my ex, and apparantly having difficulties making new friends, that pretty much felt like for me, the rest of my life, I'd be alone.

I've been pretty much depressed since then, even though i'm starting to finally making very small steps in my life to make my better, there's a good chance I'll probably be alone the rest of my life, by choise or not. But, at this point, I wouldn't feel very comfortable anyway being amongst others, seeing how much of a mess I am.

I think that's pretty much all there is to my story...

[dunkelfalke]

First off, @dunkelfalke That sucks to hear man... I can relate though (kinda), and it sucks

It does indeed. But it is also kind of very ridiculous. She called me one day and said she wanted to know my exact post address. I asked why. She asked that she will send me a few things back. I asked why. She told me then that she is going to marry a different guy

Damn it, it is actually funny if I write it like that

[danyo]

First off, @dunkelfalke That sucks to hear man... I can relate though (kinda), and it sucks

It does indeed. But it is also kind of very ridiculous. She called me one day and said she wanted to know my exact post address. I asked why. She asked that she will send me a few things back. I asked why. She told me then that she is going to marry a different guy

Damn it, it is actually funny if I write it like that

Mmmm'm, when I laugh about it, it's a very sour laugh though

And they say guys are always the bastards in relationships huh? -.-'

[dunkelfalke]

well, danyo, not only have we got the same girl on the avatar, our situation is very much alike, too, bro.

[Exbando]

A thought just came to mind regarding my story. I'm only 19 years old, and yet I'm already feeling this way. I should be enjoying my youth while it lasts, but I just can't. That really disturbs me.

@danyo: I wish I could help in some way with your relationship stuff, but the only experience I've ever had with rejection was asking a girl to homecoming.

[dunkelfalke]

A thought just came to mind regarding my story. I'm only 19 years old, and yet I'm already feeling this way. I should be enjoying my youth while it lasts, but I just can't. That really disturbs me.

Please, try to. I wish I were 19 again. Would do everything in a different way and enjoying my youth would be the first change.

[Exbando]

Please, try to. I wish I were 19 again. Would do everything in a different way and enjoying my youth would be the first change.

Believe me, I want to, but I think that part of the problem is that I have forgotten what it's like to enjoy something. I just have a really hard time with that for some reason. Even my previous hobbies (Magic, video games) started losing their "fun" a long time ago.