viduuskamen wrote:I think you coped much better than I did, Popo. May I ask what your approximate age range is? (I apologize first if this is against the rules)
To explain, I understand all too well the feelings you speak of, those of being a hopeless romantic and blindly devoted fool. But unlike you, I have only managed to bury my feelings over the years. While it is fortunate for me that I never went down any self-destructive paths... I did live like an automaton (as comfortably as an emotionless one can be anyway) for more than a decade.
Playing KS forced these suppressed memories to resurface, and sleep hasn't been possible for me now other than at sheer physical exhaustion. And even then it is only short hourly bursts.
While reading your post to see what helped you change your perspective, I was most intrigued by your mentioning of mind-games and the facade/masquerade being inherent and never ending. I guess I still held on to the concept of an ideal romance, and this game only reminded me of what I went through with such expectations.
You also mentioned that you were able to (look forward to) put your confidence to the test; does this mean you that you were able to come to terms prior, and KS only tested your resolve? Or did KS help you build that confidence? Or a little bit of both?
Thanks in advance.
I just turned 23 on the 27th of December.
I think everyone feels those feelings at some point, or something similar. We grow up with every form of media explaining life to us in tiny, scrambled bits and pieces, and it's never exactly like they claim, and then everyone either deals with it somehow, or succumbs. I know how quickly people will throw overly optimistic advice in the trash, because it sounds too good to be true, so I'll give you just one down to earth piece of advice: know that everyone has a chance to change, and make themselves more and more into the kind of person they want to be, day by day. We all share human potential. It may seem impossible at times, but know that no matter how brutally hard it is, people in worse off situations than either of us have become stronger people than we are right now. Just knowing for sure that, though the odds may be colossally against you, it's
possible, can make all the difference. A shot at greatness, however slim, is all anyone can ask for, and it's given to just about everyone who survives to a decent age.
My sleep has been a bit troubled lately, too. I always wrestle with insomnia, but I've been waking up a bit depressed each day, as I've dealt with the issues KS reminded me I already had. Ultimately, though, it's a good experience, as it's taught me a lot about myself.
The thing about the masquerade is that it's very often two-sided. I thought I was really sincere when I was younger, but a lot of it was naivete, wishful thinking, and backwards-rationalization. Now I realize the truth isn't always pretty, but sometimes it needs to be said, and my confidence comes not from mere positive feelings, but a rational knowledge that I am a good person with near-boundless potential, no matter my rather rough past. I have good and bad qualities, and I know I can work on the bad ones, as well. The masquerade is almost universal among humans, due to self-preservation instincts for one's own emotions. Nobody can ever maintain it perfectly, though, and the beauty comes in the moments when two costumed fools allow each other to delicately remove pieces of each other's masks, getting peeks at the flesh it hides, until both are laid bare.
KS tested my resolve. I'd already made huge strides in the last 2 years or so, but I still have many more that need to be made. KS made me more sure of myself, in the end, by forcing me to make more realizations about how life works. The beauty of KS' writing is that it's not just escapist fantasy. There's a lot of drama and conflict, many sad and happy moments. It presents people with choices in their perspectives. It led me to accepting that there's always a risk when pursuing your dreams, and part of being a strong person is preparing yourself for it, then soldiering through, for a shot at a happiness that may just make up for all of the pain along the way. It may lead some to want to play it safe and live a life immersed in fantasy, but even they may either give up on the perpetual pain of loneliness and try to make it in the world, or become truly independent and no longer seek a mate. Ironically, even the latter might be surprised by finding love in the most unexpected of places. "As soon as they stop looking..." as they say.
Jintor wrote:There's so many goddamn messages in this game.
It's funny, Jintor. I thought you were gonna bring up a whole different philosophical discussion.
If OP wants to talk game theory, I'm gonna talk game theory, my man. I personally got gut-punched as well by the game but I don't feel capable of writing about it really - not enough IRL romantic experience really.
Haha, I actually used your name by mistake. I meant to address the OP. My sleep's been a bit off, lately. @_@
Every day is a miracle.