My first Fan fiction (Hanako)

[griffon8]

"JESUS TAKE THE WWEEEEEEEEEEL!!!"

Urg! I hate that song.

[A1phaDrag0n]

Oh man, I'd better save this copy then in case I ruin it dinner's in the oven, time to get to work I suppose

[A1phaDrag0n]

Done!

[scott1and]

I like the ending better in the new version, kudos to you, brilliant work.

[PasterOfMuppets]

Change is good~

[Jaden82]

Change is good~

Indeed.

I enjoyed your story. I'm no good at inner monologues and you have a flair for that. I hope to read more from you soon.

[Leotrak]

This short is freakin Glorious.

[trekki859]

that. was. amazing. espicaily for your first, im not sure if there was gramor or spelling bits, if there was they werent obvious, but from my perspective, i couldint find anythign wrong with it

[A1phaDrag0n]

Thanks for your praise, but you've only seen it after the forum helped me clean it up it's more of a joint work then my own now

[Leotrak]

Eh, that's fine, everyone needs a proofreader or two to make sure no glaring errors escape your eyes

[PharaohSauron]

Akio Mutou was making his way to his class, having forgotten some semi important paper work that he’d rather have done sooner then later.

I have no idea why, but I started to laugh when I read this; probably just because he treats everything as semi-important. That, and then him looking up and seeing it's about to be rainin' students. (Hallelujah! - It's raining' students! Amen!)

I blame PasterofMuppets for putting "What is Love?" in my head, so there's some tit-for-tat.

[Ar Grathnos]

Aside from the rather confusing implied time transition at the end with Nurse and one or two spelling errors, there wasn't much I could complain about. Excellent story.

[A1phaDrag0n]

Akio Mutou was making his way to his class, having forgotten some semi important paper work that he’d rather have done sooner then later.

I have no idea why, but I started to laugh when I read this; probably just because he treats everything as semi-important. That, and then him looking up and seeing it's about to be rainin' students. (Hallelujah! - It's raining' students! Amen!)

I blame PasterofMuppets for putting "What is Love?" in my head, so there's some tit-for-tat.

Unfortunately, I couldn't simply have him shrug at the two falling and walk off to finish his work... sadly, that might have broken the atmosphere

Aside from the rather confusing implied time transition at the end with Nurse and one or two spelling errors, there wasn't much I could complain about. Excellent story.

Thanks I certainly wasn't trying to hide my uncertainty over what time in recovery would have been acceptable from the nurses perspective for the two to be engaging in potentially dangerous emotional acts (for a guy that just had a heart attack)... not at all sir...