Katawa Haha

[Sgt_Frog]

This was, yet again, amazing. I think it's great that Hanako has matured to the point where she's no longer "dependent" on Lilly. Like she (well, you. You're the author.) said, it really is how you look at things. It's great that these five girls don't let their various disabilities get them down, whether it's Shizune having "arguments" with her just-as-headstrong daughter, to Emi's son going "blue with shock" (look it up on TV Tropes) by the fact that she can *run* faster than he can bike, or Hanako "evoking some serious Sadako s**t", nobody should let their disabilities get in the way.

[Silentcook]

Hanako's chapter theme is exactly the same as Rin's chapter, only less funny. I'm sorry, but I'm calling this a miss.

[Goldilurks]

Hanako's chapter theme is exactly the same as Rin's chapter, only less funny. I'm sorry, but I'm calling this a miss.

The returning theme is deliberate. The "how does the child deal with the disability" theme is big enough to take up centre stage in two chapters. I wanted to see how it would work at a younger age; while Rin's son has come to terms with his mother's disability, Hanako's chapter tries to capture the moment where Natsuko for the first time starts to realize what her mother's burns mean in a social context. Like Shizune's chapter this one was meant to be less laughs and more vulnerability.

That said, I do have to admit that I don't always roll nat 20s. I hope you at least found the omake amusing. By way of consolation, you should know that Lilly's chapter is very different in theme and content from the previous four (and has, in my opinion, the funniest damn yonkoma idea I've ever had).

[Poli-Gluttanous]

Awesome, as usual; really liked the 4-koma. That said, I can't wait to see Kenji as the hilariously over-protective dad, and Misha chiding her son for his outrageous hairstyle.

[Loki]

Can't beleive I missed Hanako's being added. Loved it

[Goldilurks]

Sometimes I get the idea that people actually like my writing, and it really scares me.

Misha chiding her son for his outrageous hairstyle.

This is actually a better idea for a Misha omake than I originally had. To be honest, aside from the Yuuko and Kenji omake's, I find my plans for the other side characters lacking.

[El Jay]

AUGH. What a perfect reminder for myself to get back to drawing again. D: Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuuuuck why am I so lazy.

THAT ASIDE, that was pretty damn good. I wasn't sure what to expect out of you for Hanako, so this is a pleasent suprise. And the 4koma was awesome so win-win.

On that note, time to put off the vidya games again, frick.

[EternalLurker]

Yuuko

Kenji

side characters

blasphemy

[Goldilurks]

Yuuko

Kenji

side characters

blasphemy

DID YOU THINK I WOULD FOLLOW THAT PATHETIC CORPSE ON TERRA?

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE.

On a side note, work on the Lilly chapter has begun.

[Srikali]

Needs more Akira chapter.

[U.T. Raptor]

Needs more Akira chapter.

With Hideaki as a stay-at-home dad?

[Srikali]

Needs more Akira chapter.

With Hideaki as a stay-at-home dad?

DAD! STOP WEARING MY DRESSES!

[El Jay]

Suddenly comic page.

Lay out the critique's guys. I know I'm going to have to add mouth's to the bottom two panels but I wasn't sure on how to draw them so YEAH LET'S GO WITH THIS FOR NOW.

Starting to think I'll have to go back to the old pages and update them a bit too, fresh lines and such. For the most part, because fuck OC I have photoshop now. Anyways, sorry about that wait. Valve Time kicked in I guess. Fucking personal life and personal projects.

[Goldilurks]

Writer critique power GO!!!

All right, first the critiques of taste, i.e. how you have a different visual imagination from I. Originally, I saw more of Shizune's head in that first panel, and I envisioned it as actually looking away from Hisao (and by extension the reader). To match this, her face would be turned the left (her right) in the second and third panels, away from Hisao, though in the third panel she'd be turning a bit further back to the right. You do not have to make this change; how well it fits would depend heavily on how the panels are shaded. Try drawing it; see if that feels like a better fit or not.

Second, the critique of imagery. The eyes are too open. It's late at night and she's feeling vulnerable and upset. We need to see the furrow of the brow and the squint of the eyelids in the first panel. You watch Fullmetal Alchemist or Code Geass? Those have some great face of loss, sorrow, or regret (unfortunately, searching those terms doesn't get me good Google Image results, and "anime face pain" only gets me that jackass from Naruto). You could also use Hanako's expression from the original Raita concept art for reference. The third panel lets them open somewhat, but...hey, remember the first FMA closing theme? That expression on Ed's face @ about 1:05 just before he starts to smile? Make that look a little more depressed, a little more surprised, and you've got Shizune in panel three.

Don't let the feedback get you down, though - I like what I see and want to see more. I also noticed you increased Shizune's cup size somewhat - responding to previous critiques, I see.


On a side note:

DAD! STOP WEARING MY DRESSES!

is a better omake idea than what I had so far. Does anyone else want to try their hand at writing Katawa Haha stuff? I did intend this to be an open fan project.

[El Jay]

Writer critique power GO!!!

/cue early 90's power rangers theme

All right, first the critiques of taste, i.e. how you have a different visual imagination from I. Originally, I saw more of Shizune's head in that first panel, and I envisioned it as actually looking away from Hisao (and by extension the reader). To match this, her face would be turned the left (her right) in the second and third panels, away from Hisao, though in the third panel she'd be turning a bit further back to the right. You do not have to make this change; how well it fits would depend heavily on how the panels are shaded. Try drawing it; see if that feels like a better fit or not.

Oh I'll definately give this a go, I sketched this page out a bit ago and only recently got back to it, so even I wasn't entirely happy with it. I believe I can picture what you're saying though. It all comes down to angles though, actually. Like, camera angle to be precise. Set up like I have already, or differently? Regardless of that, apart from a possible change in perspectives for panel 1 perhaps, it wouldn't be too hard to draw another page more down to your mental images.

Second, the critique of imagery. The eyes are too open. It's late at night and she's feeling vulnerable and upset. We need to see the furrow of the brow and the squint of the eyelids in the first panel. You watch Fullmetal Alchemist or Code Geass? Those have some great face of loss, sorrow, or regret (unfortunately, searching those terms doesn't get me good Google Image results, and "anime face pain" only gets me that jackass from Naruto). You could also use Hanako's expression from the original Raita concept art for reference. The third panel lets them open somewhat, but...hey, remember the first FMA closing theme? That expression on Ed's face @ about 1:05 just before he starts to smile? Make that look a little more depressed, a little more surprised, and you've got Shizune in panel three.

Ah, there's something, I haven't watched a second of FMA or Code Geass. I HAVE read some of FMA however, so that's something I can reference off of I guess. Chalk it up to a different view on emotions I guess though. For some reason when I see a face expression like... well, I'll call her beta-Hanako, for the original concept-art of her. Her expression just seems... Much more worn down and tired of all things instead of concerned with a child or such. But that's just me, I'll figure something out.

Don't let the feedback get you down, though - I like what I see and want to see more. I also noticed you increased Shizune's cup size somewhat - responding to previous critiques, I see.

It's quite alright, I thrive on feedback, and to be honest I've looked at enough boobs in the weeks or whatever of inactivity from me to have something to compare to now, along with looking through character art again. Gave me some time to repicture just how large her fun-bags should be. XD

Now, I have a slight request. Would you mind opening this in paint or whatever and do a little sketch on it how you want things to look? For example, use the circle tool to make an empty circle where you want the head at, line tool for arm positioning, just enough detail so I can be sure of what I'm going for. Like this, for a visual example, where things are at already. Doesn't have to be major, just want to be sure I'm seeing things right.