Heart and Bones
(Authors Note: Canon-Compliant, Kenji Route, Hisao Nakai, Akio Hayashi)
(This fanfic can also be read on Archive of Our Own here.)
Today is the day. Akio insisted that I meet him somewhere secluded because he didn’t want anyone else to interfere with whatever this is. Naturally, I decided to agree because real men don’t back down from this sort of thing. After several minutes of navigating through tree roots and wet earth, I finally find him. Akio is leaning against a tree, cane in hand. He didn’t bother to bring a coat but then again neither did I.
“So you’re finally here, Nakai. Took you long enough.”
Akio holds his cane then smacks the end of it on the ground twice dramatically.
“Alright. Spit it out.” I say, trying to sound tough. “You asked me to come here for a reason, right?”
“Of course. Did you really think I’d waste your time for a lark? Ha ha ha! Of course not.”
Akio’s smarter-than-thou attitude and theatrical posturing ticks me off. I didn’t pay him much mind when I started out but ever since Kenji and I became proper friends after the festival, I’ve noticed the disdainful looks he gives us. As if he thinks he’s better than us.
“You wanna know something, Nakai? Kenji and I used to be friends. We were tight, the best of buds but something changed in him one day. He went dark, broke up with his girlfriend and started buying into these weird conspiracies about women. Eventually I couldn’t take it any more and I stopped being friends with him. I thought I could just forget the pain and move on but seeing him with you… it reminded me of all the things I wanted to forget.”
“So you’re mad because I’m friends with him, and you’re not, is that it?” I reply, nonplussed.
Akio looks annoyed. He decides to continue with his oh-so-smart monologue of his.
“My problem isn’t him being friends with you over me, it’s that you enable his worst aspects. Every other thing he says around you is just blaming women for his own failures, acting like they’re all evil bitches out to get him because you encourage him to dive deeper into his conspiracy theories about the “evil feminists”. Ugh, give me a break already.”
“Sounds like a you problem.” I reply, trying to sound nonchalant. “Ever since we went drinking on the roof, I think I’ve come to better understand him...”
I can no longer keep up this cool, compared charade and soon my fake nonchalance gives way to rage that I thought I'd successfully repressed.
“...he’s right! Women are all bitches and whores!" I yell. "I’m only here because a girl from my old school caused me to have a heart attack!”
“That sound awful.” replies Akio. “I can see why you wouldn’t trust a girl after that...”
Akio’s sympathy pisses me off. I cannot stand the idea of being pitied over something so pathetic. I think back to my time in hospital and remember how much I hated it there. So cold, so impersonal and insincere. As if any of those people actually cared!
“...but honestly, Hisao, I don’t think its fair to blame them all for the actions of one. Mulling over her, spending every waking moment wishing her suffering and pain while pretending to have moved on. It’s a sad existence. And I want nothing more for Kenji to wake up and realize this, but as long as you’re friends with him, that’s not going to happen, is it?”
The letter sent by Iwanako springs to mind, her words like a burning thorn embedded in my heart. I can feel the fires of enmity spread throughout my heart and soon it burns with rage that now flows out of me like a river.
“Iwanako! That’s her name." I shout. "The fucking bitch who sent me here. My normal life is gone because of her! Several humiliating months in the hospital! All because she confessed her love to me! I should’ve known she was the devil in disguise the moment she asked me to meet up with her after school. If I had known this would be the outcome, I-I-
“Hisao, are you okay?” Akio asks, his concern cutting through my ranting like light through dark fog.
“Okay? I’ll never be okay again!” I cry. “Kenji and I are the only sane people left in a world full of insane people. None of them realize that women bring us into this world just to make us live a life of suffering, pain and death. Or that they string us along because hurting us is their definition of fun! They trick us into thinking they care about us but they don’t! They just want slaves who’ll help them continue this sick cycle of life and death!”
Akio starts cringing. He almost looks as though he regrets ever agreeing to this in the first place. Good. He deserves it.
“What, so this Iwanako of yours actually liked you enough to confess her feelings to you and you couldn’t handle it. God, you’re pathetic.”
I was hoping that he’d be more sympathetic, but I suppose that’s asking too much from this condescending prick. I’m not sad anymore, just mad.
“U-uh what the fuck did you just say to me!” I roar at Akio.
“You’re pathetic, Nakai! You’re not even worth dealing with. I hope your new friendship with my former pal is worth it.”
I want nothing more than for Akio to shrivel up and die right now. Even now, that smug, superior attitude of his infuriates me. I watch him leave the tree he was leaning on and then go past me as if I’m not even there.
“You wanna know why Kenji hates women the way he does, Akio?” I yell at him.“It’s because his girlfriend made him weak when she took his virginity. Having sex for the first time was supposed to be a victorious moment for him and when it wasn’t, he realized that his girlfriend was actually an evil succubus who took away his life force!”
Akio turns to look at me with complete disbelief before tilting his head in confusion.
“Is this supposed to be a joke, Nakai? Because it’s not funny. At all.”
“No...” I reply smugly, trailing Akio as he attempts to leave.
“...that event is how he realized that women are all soul sucking sluts!”
“Because he lost his virginity? That’s it? You’ve got to be kidding me. So you’re telling me that he threw away a loving relationship and descended head first into the worst aspects of himself because he got tired after having sex! YOU’RE SERIOUSLY TELLING ME THAT HE THREW IT ALL AWAY OVER SOMETHING SO STUPID! Oh my god.”
Akio throws his arms up in the air with great exasperation. I’m taken aback by the sudden change in Akio’s demeanour, which then gives way to laughter as Akio seethes in rage over what I just told him. Now I’m not the only one who feels alone.
“Sucks doesn’t it?” I reply sadly. How one action is all it takes for it all to end. Makes me wonder why we even bother.”
“Oh please don’t get me started on this nihilism crap, Hisao. For the love of god, please be better than this.”
Why should I be better? Because it makes other people happy? Because only then will they accept me into their world? A world where defective hearts like me can be easily swept underneath the rug once they’re too weak to carry on and are replaced by many others just like it.
Why bother? Maybe I like the way I am right now. Maybe they should just suck it up and deal with it like real men instead of complaining about it all the time.
“You know Akio, you said that I enable Kenji’s worst aspects but I personally think you’re just jealous of the fact that I understand him better than you ever did.”
“You’re right. You do understand him and as a result, you’ve fed into each others worst aspects. You enable his paranoid beliefs and fears about women while he allows you to be a miserable self-righteous douchebag who thinks himself better than the rest of us. You even speak like him too.”
“Rather rich coming from you!“ I yell at him. “All you’ve been doing is grandstanding about toxic I am and how you’re such a good friend. Well, when was the last time you ever actually did anything for Kenji?
“You know what? To hell with this. I tried to explain things to you in hopes that maybe we'd come to understand each other, but that just isn’t going to happen is it, Nakai? I was going to let this be and accept that maybe Kenji chose you to be his new friend for a reason but you know what? I just can’t.”
“Oh for the love of god, just put a sock in it, will you?” I yell at him.
“Put in a sock in it, eh? Oh I’ll put a sock in you alright!” Akio stops walking and turns to me, his cane pointed at me like a sword.
“Enough talk, we’re going to fight this out like men right now!”
“Good.” I reply. “I was getting sick of all this talking anyway.”
The two of us are still in the forest but not too far from school. Fine by me. Akio stabs his cane into the wet earth before he and I launch ourselves at each other with great force and clasp hands, pushing against each other to assert dominance. The rain pours down upon us, sparing neither of us any mercy as it continues unrelenting. I push Akio away only for him to grab my shoulders and thrust his left knee right into my dick, causing me to scream out as I tumble to the floor. He yanks his cane out of the wet ground and doesn’t hesitate to alternate between slashing at me with his cane and stomping on me as I try to get back up.
I roll over and quickly make it back on my feet before trying to swing my fist right into his smug, condescending face only to stumble and take a punch to the face in return. He then violently swings his cane like a sword, causing me to twist and turn as I try to avoid every blow. After the sixth swipe of his cane, I kick Akio in his right shin as hard as I can, the sound of bone crunching on impact as my reward.
“AAAAAAAAH, JESUS!” Akio screams in pain, using his cane to support himself. “PEOPLE ALWAYS DO THIS TO ME!”
“Tough luck.” I reply coldly.
Enraged at this, Akio tries to punch me in the face and very narrowly misses. I try to do the same but he stabs his cane into the ground again and puts his arms up to defend himself, preventing me from actually getting a hit in. I punch again harder this time and hear another bone crack, this time his right forearm.
Akio seethes in furious agony and wrenches his cane out of the ground for another go. I dodge his upper slash and then tackle him to the ground, causing another one of his bones to break on impact with the ground below. I ready myself to stomp on him while he’s down as payback for earlier but even now he denies me the satisfaction.
He holds onto my right foot and twists it, causing me to scream as I realize he’s broken my ankle. He gets back up and then quickly swipes his cane between my legs, hitting me square in the nuts and causing me to stagger backwards. Akio then gets back up and follows up with a flurry of slashes that I have trouble keeping track of.
I have to get rid of that cane. My heart is pounding furiously. I can feel my time running out. Without a second thought, I rush straight at him before kicking him right in the crotch, causing him to stagger backwards though he barely manages to avoid falling over. In this narrow window of opportunity, I grab his cane and throw it across the forest. Akio looks offended by this and hobbles back after it while I give chase. Akio grabs his cane back with his left hand and then elbows me right in the face with his other arm hard enough to cause a nosebleed. He turns around and following up with a devastating punch straight to my heart.
Time’s up. I try to scream but there is only silence as I start wincing in pain, my heart beating faster and faster. I try to breath in and out but it quickly becomes impossible because my nose is bleeding. The pain of all this causes me to fall to my knees. As if to rub it in, Akio decides to go on yet another monologue.
“I’ll admit that punching you in the heart was a dirty move Nakai, but perhaps you’ll realize now that we’re both quite fragile. I have sensitive bones and you have a crummy heart. A strike in the right place is enough to end both of our lives. We’re expected to live a world that wasn’t made for us, where we can be easily dismissed and cast aside if we’re seen as too weak to continue...”
Akio moves in closer then places his cane over my left shoulder as if knighting me, a gesture that only serves to humiliate me further.
“...but don’t get me twisted, Nakai,” he continues “I don’t believe in that “strong eat the weak” crap. I personally believe that we should strive to do better than our limitations instead of using our fragile heart and bones as an excuse to hide into the darkest recesses of ourselves...”
As Akio continues monologuing like he’s trying to win a Japan Academy Film Prize, I’m barely managing to get my arrhythmia under my control. I manage to drum up just enough strength to ask a simple request.
“Ugh.. please.. stop talking..” I wheeze.
The last thing I want right now is Akio monologuing over my death because him doing it while I’m still alive feels really, really insulting to me right now. The very idea of him being invited to my funeral and going on a long diatribe about all of my personal failings makes me shudder in horror.
“...look man, I may not like you but I’m not going to just let you die here.” Akio concludes. “I’m taking you to the nurse’s office wherever you like it or not.”
“Fuck...you…”
“Tell to it someone who cares…” Akio replies, bitter yet melancholic.
The two of us are soaked in rain, refusing to say any more to each other and realizing that the both of us are more fragile than we first appear. That in the end, our fragility is what binds us together.
THE END
Developer's Commentary
This is a story about fragility and I wanted to try something out for a theoretical Kenji route. I also decided to use this as an opportunity to polish up on writing fight scenes, which I'll admit sounds like a weird reason considering that Katawa Shoujo isn't known for having fight scenes but then again, even a place like Yamaku has probably had a few fights in its history.
As for Akio himself, I'm not sure if this version of him will be the final version I use for this but regardless, it's important that when I write characters I can try and make "canon-compliant" and non-"canon compliant" versions of the same character different enough so they're not overly samey between stories.
The cover for this was created by taking images of x-rays used for human skulls, a human hand and dog skulls before melding them together to make it resemble a human heart. I had considered adding a cane to represent Akio but the time I had finished making the heart and background, I decided the cover was already perfect as it is.
To conclude this section before it becomes longer than the actual fanfic itself, I had this idea left on the backburner for a while but when I finally got around to it, I just wrote and wrote and wrote and it turned out wonderful. I'm actually really proud of this.