Too Close for Comfort - A Post-Yamaku Misha x OC Story (9/1/2025 - COMPLETE!)

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Wed Apr 30, 2025 11:06 pm

SilentM wrote: Wed Apr 30, 2025 10:25 pm
I feel for Reina, taking that first step into actually using your target language is always terrifying. No amount of flashcard drills will ever make you feel ready. But you have to bite the bullet knowing you'll never feel ready and do it anyway.

I'd remark on how fast Reina and Mom both seem to have gotten remarkably proficient, but then again, so did Hisao. Perhaps language learning is just canonically easier in the KS universe.

I've taken some liberties with how quickly they are learning, but having been through a super intensive language course myself (albeit not for sign language), I've tried to keep things within the realm of possibility. It's only been 5 weeks, but they have a ton of hours under their belt. Especially with all the work they do outside of class.

Reina and her mom are also like, super smart! And they are especially motivated after all, given the situation! And Misha is the best teacher ever!

Or something.

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Mon May 12, 2025 5:54 pm

It's been a week since our field trip to the cafe. Ms. Mikado and I just finished lip reading for the day and she's packing up.

<Tomorrow?>

She shakes her head, <Today.>

I feel my stomach turn over. But much to my surprise, it isn't just from negative feelings.

Doing this completely spur of the moment is not ideal for me. It makes me very anxious.

But I also kind of like the idea of doing something with Ms. Mikado because the last field trip went so well. It made me feel so much better about leaving the house and resuming my old life. So I think I also feel…excited, underneath the anxiety.

<Okay so it's-> She pauses and fingerspells, <...Extra…curricular.>

She beams, <The supermarket!>

I feel myself get less excited but also less nervous about this outing.

One of the few household things I used to do was the grocery shopping. But I haven't since I got hurt. The supermarket is somewhere I know well. And not a place where I need to talk very much. And it shouldn't be very crowded at this time.

And actually, tomorrow is…

She notices my hesitation, <Is it too much?>

<No. My mom's birthday is tomorrow. Shopping for her would be nice.>

Ms. Mikado gasps dramatically and puts her hand to her chest before signing, <She didn't tell me! Is she shy about her age?>

I laugh and shake my head, <She's doesn't tell people because she doesn't like when people do things for her.>

It's because she focuses all of her energy on doing things for me. To a fault. But that's embarrassing to say and I'm not sure how to sign it anyway.

Ms. Mikado beams and taps a finger on her chin as she looks off to the side. For a moment, I swear I can see her eyes twinkling like she's a manga character. I start to worry she's going to suggest something crazy that neither me nor my mom would be comfortable with.

Just when I'm about to pull her back to reality she excitedly signs, <Let's have a little surprise meal for her at lunch tomorrow.>

I'm so surprised by her reasonable suggestion that I'm momentarily stunned. But Ms. Mikado must take my hesitancy as a sign that I think it's a bad idea.

Her smile droops a little, <Would she hate that?>

<No, I think it's a good idea.>

Her smile grows, <Great! This will also be good practice for lip reading. That's what I had in mind originally.> She gives me a playful wink.

I sigh, <Now I'm nervous.>

I haven't really done any lip reading other than with Ms. Mikado. It is something I need to practice if I'm going to start doing the shopping again or going to university, though.

<I'll be there if things go bad. But I bet they won't! You have practiced a lot. Time to put it to use.>

…

We're at the supermarket. As expected, it's not too crowded.

<What's your mom's favorite dish?>

I slowly fingerspell, <Filet…mignon.>

Ms. Mikado lets out a “Wahaha~,” before signing <She likes meat a lot too?>

She puts her hand over her mouth and chuckles before signing, <What's in that?>

I fingerspell, <Beef…tenderloin and…bacon.>

She points to the butcher counter which happens to be about 5 meters away, <Go get it.>

She must see the anxiety I'm feeling on my face, <I'll be right here if you need me. But give it your best shot, okay?> She gives me a smile and pats me on the shoulder, and it makes me feel more courageous. I take a deep breath and approach the butcher counter.

The man behind it doesn't look up from packaging ground beef when he says, “Bzbzbzbzjbzbzj.”

I feel my pulse quicken. I couldn't see his lips at all. I panic and take a look at Ms. Mikado. She calmly signs, <Repeat.>

I feel embarrassed that I didn't think of it myself, but panic will do that to you.

“What was that, sir?”

This time he looks up at me and more slowly says, “Bzbzbzbzbzbzbj.”

Okay, I only picked up about two words - ‘What’ and 'today,’ but based on what someone would normally say here, I think he asked ‘What can I get for you today?’

I point at what I want under the glass, “C-can I have that cut of beef tenderloin and 400 grams of bacon, please?”

He nods and goes about packaging up my meat. Then he says something else while his head is down.

I do what I did before.

“What was that, sir?”

He looks at me this time and repeats himself. I missed everything except what I think was ‘mignon.’ I again use the context to fill in everything else. At least, I hope I filled it in. Lip reading is kind of a guessing game where I have to use the little evidence I have to figure out what someone might have said. And right now the evidence is especially limited. If I'm wrong, he's going to look at me like I'm crazy. But…that's just part of it.

“Y-yes we're making filet mignon.”

He smiles and gives me a thumbs up before handing me the packages of the meat.

As I take the meat, I feel far too proud at being able to make it through that. When I turn around I see Ms. Mikado is literally jumping for joy and applauding. It’s a little embarrassing, but it also makes me smile and it validates my proud feeling.

After that, we go about getting some vegetables and other groceries that my mom had written down on a list at home. And Ms. Mikado gets a few things she needs. It's largely uneventful, and I don't have to talk with anyone else.

Now we're about to check out, and Ms. Mikado nudges me ahead to deal with the cashier.

As he scans our items, he says “Bzbzbzbzbzjbzbz.”

I watch his lips closely and from the couple of words I pick up, plus the context I figure out he probably asked ‘Will that be all today?’

“Yes sir, thank you.”

When I go to pay for everything with the debit card for my mom's bank account, Ms. Mikado bumps me out of the way with her shoulder and swipes hers.

“B-but it's expensive.”

She holds up a finger to me as she puts in her PIN. I wouldn't be able to understand her response, so there's no point in arguing right now.

After we finish, we divvy up the bags. I get the ones that are for our house, while Ms. Mikado takes her groceries as well as the tenderloin and bacon.

Crap. I just realized she's going to have to make the filet mignon too. I'm so useless.

I put the bags down on a bench outside the supermarket, <I'm sorry. You paid and you also have to cook.>

She slides her bags down her forearm and signs, <It's all good! I had to pay or your mom would have found out.>

<But…you bought all our groceries and the expensive meat.>

She nods, <It’s fine! Your mom can pay me back if she wants to.>

<That’s very nice of you…but I wish I could help. You're doing everything. Even cooking.>

<Well, you couldn't make it at home without her finding out anyway.> She looks down at the bag dangling from her arm for a moment and then smiles, before signing, <Actually, why don't you->

She stops signing and her eyes get wide and she shakes her head. If I didn't know better, I'd say she's a little embarrassed. But I don't think she feels that emotion.

<Nothing. See you tomorrow!> She quickly turns around and walks off before I can respond.

What a weirdo. But what she's doing is very sweet. So she can be weird all she wants.

…

My mom just got home from work and after looking in the refrigerator in wonder, communicated her delight.

She shrugs, <No. But it's very nice to see. Thank you.>

I nod, <It’s an early birthday present,> “I'll get back to doing it more often.”

My mom looks pleased by this development, <I'm glad you're doing so well.>

I nod, <Ms. Mikado is pretty amazing. Even manages to drag me to the grocery store.>

My mom puts her hand on my shoulder, <Give yourself some credit too.>

I nod, <Okay. I will.>

After that she makes dinner, we eat, and then study for a while.

Once I'm at my limit I sign, <I'm going to take my bath.>

My mom nods, <Okay. I'll make tomorrow's lunch. What do you want?>

Shit. I don't want to tell her Ms. Mikado is bringing lunch because it would spoil the surprise. And if she finds out she'll probably try to shut it down.

We did not think this part through.

That means I just have to let her do this.

I should suggest something that is easy to make and that keeps well.

<Rice balls and pickled vegetables.>

My mom looks at me like she's never met me before. I don't blame her. I've never requested such a lunch.

<Yes. Trying to eat healthier.>

My mom narrows her eyes at me for what seems like an eternity. But then she shrugs, <Fine by me. Have a good bath.>

Thank God we're actually having meat for lunch tomorrow and not just pickled vegetables and rice balls.

The next morning I wake up to a text from Ms. Mikado, “I'm outside your apartment building. Text me when it's a good time to sneak the food in.”

It's 8 a.m. and she's already out there? She must really love my mom.

When I head out into the hall, I can hear my mom getting ready in her room. And when I get downstairs, I see that my mom has already made breakfast.

Realizing this is the perfect time, I text Ms. Mikado. When I let her in I see she has packaged the filet mignon into bento boxes that I can already smell heavenly. She also has a small store bought cake that she must have grabbed this morning.

We silently start to put things into the fridge, hiding them behind other stuff. But then I hear the sound of my mom heading down the stairs. Ms. Mikado uses her eyes alone to tell me ‘Do something!’

I rush over to the stairs and say, “Happy birthday!” Then I awkwardly hug my mom on the stairs, when she's in between steps.

She laughs and hugs me back despite the awkward positioning. I hold the hug until my mom starts patting me on the back to say, ‘That's enough.’

I hope that gave her enough time.

When we get downstairs, Ms. Mikado is gone and I breathe a sigh of relief.

My mom gives me a look and signs, <Couldn't wait to hug me?>

I laugh awkwardly, <No. It was a special birthday hug.>

My mom narrows her eyes at me for a moment. This is now two days in a row when I did some out of character stuff. She might be suspicious. But as long as she doesn't know exactly what's going on, that's fine.

…

It's lunch time. Once the lesson is over both Ms. Mikado and I dart to the kitchen before my mom can even stand up.

We start reheating the filet mignon and my mom walks into the kitchen with her arms crossed and a funny look on her face. She looks confused and frustrated, but also curious.

I sign, <Go sit down. We'll bring you your lunch.>

My mom sighs and does as she's asked.

A few minutes later, Ms. Mikado and I join her. We bring the pickled vegetables she made as well as the filets, so that the meal is a little more balanced.

I put my mom's plate down in front of her and she smiles at me, but it doesn't really reach her eyes.

That's how she always looks when I do something like this for her. It drives me crazy.

Just enjoy that we did something for you, woman!

Once we're all seated Ms. Mikado and I sign, <Happy birthday!>

My mom replies, <Thank you, but you shouldn't have.>

When most people say ‘you shouldn't have’ they don't mean it. But my mom does. I'm not going to tell Ms. Mikado, though.

Ms. Mikado pats me on the shoulder, <Reina requested the meat on her own.>

My mom's smile looks a little more legitimate now, <That’s great!>

My mom takes a bite and signs to Ms. Mikado, <It’s delicious. Thank you.>

After that we eat in uncharacteristic silence. I mean, I guess we're always silent now that we switched to sign 100% of the time, but usually we manage to have a conversation while we do it, even if it can be a little stunted by us holding utensils.

I know the situation is awkward when I have a hard time enjoying steak wrapped in bacon, which would normally be delicious.

Crap. This WAS too much for my mom. I didn't think it would be. Ms. Mikado is almost family at this point, so I thought it would be okay.

I look over at Ms. Mikado who is just smiling and enjoying her meal. It doesn't look like she noticed anything. I'm glad. I don't want her to know that my mom isn't thrilled that we did this.

…

When my mom gets home from work later that evening, she hands me a note. We can communicate most day-to-day stuff by sign at this point. So, any time she gives me a note, I know it's something important and complex that is tough for us to communicate in sign language. I have a feeling I know what it's about, so I sigh as I begin to read it.

On the first day of class, I never would have guessed you and Ms. Mikado would work together to give me a surprise birthday meal. I'm glad to see you two are getting along. In fact, I can't remember the last time you had such a friendly relationship with someone. And that's great.

But what you two did today made me very uncomfortable. You know I don't like that kind of thing. Please don't do it again.

I sigh and put her note down, “I thought it was small enough that you would be okay with it. Sorry.”

Normally I just let this slide. But it's bothering me more this time. I don't know why.

She replies, <It’s fine. What do you want for->

I interrupt her, “But can I ask why you don't like that kind of thing? I mean, I don't like it either when it's a lot of people. But I'm a social outcast and you're a social butterfly. And it was just us and a woman you really like. Who is at our house constantly. And it was just food.”

My mom sighs and asks me to hand her the paper she wrote her note on. She sits down, turns it over and starts writing on the other side. After a couple of minutes she hands me her note.

I just don't like being fussed over. It doesn't feel right to me. Ms. Mikado worked very hard to cook that and sneak it over here this morning and she's a very busy woman. I don't want her spending her time that way. Or her money. I can't believe you let her pay!

My mom insisted on paying her back. And she did. But I guess she's still mad about it happening at all.

After I read it I sigh, “I agree that she shouldn't have paid. That was all her. She literally pushed me out of the way to do it.”

My mom nods approvingly.

“But mom, it's your birthday. It's okay to be fussed over on your birthday. At least a little. You fuss over me every second of every day. You deserve it too sometimes.”

She shakes her head,

She stands up and signs, <It's just how I am.> Then she turns toward the kitchen, signaling this conversation is over.

…

I just got in bed for the night. As I'm setting my alarm clock for the next morning, I get a text from Ms. Mikado,“We messed up today didn't we. “

I sigh.

Dammit. I thought she didn't notice. She's more observant than I think. Those smiles of hers can be like camouflage. I saw it and assumed she was blissfully ignorant.

I reply, “A little. My mom is hard to do nice stuff for. She always gets like that. But I know she enjoyed it. She just also feels guilty that someone did something for her.”

Ms. Mikado replies, “That's annoying. But it's good to know she's not perfect! I was starting to wonder! Oh well! I'm gonna do nice stuff if I feel like it, and she just has to accept it!”

I laugh at Ms. Mikado's brazenness. I'm not sure that’s the best approach. But I don't want to discourage her either.

I've never really talked to someone else about this side of my mom. Or even talked to her about it as much as I did today. But it made me realize something.

Deep down, my mom's unhappy. At least a little bit. Otherwise she wouldn't be so uncomfortable when people do things for her. I have no idea what she would be unhappy about, though.

I'm glad Ms. Mikado is here to help me figure this out.

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Tue May 20, 2025 2:53 pm

Right now, I'm at my mom's café with Madoka. We've met up here a couple of times since the field trip a few weeks ago. It's been good to practice with someone other than my mom and Ms. Mikado. And I genuinely enjoy talking to her. She’s progressed a lot over the last few weeks, and it makes me happy that she’s doing all this just so she can be a good girlfriend. I’m only doing it because I have to. She’s doing it because she wants to.

Today we are talking about our families. It gives us lots of different vocabulary to use, plus it's interesting to hear about her family. She must think it's interesting too because she has asked many questions about my mom.

<What's her name?>

I fingerspell, <Asami Kato.>

<That's pretty. Where is she from?>

Now I ask her, <How old is your mom?>

<58, I think.>

I sometimes forget how much older most people's parents are. It seems weird to me since all I’ve ever known is a mom who is only a couple decades older than me. I can't even fathom my mom being almost 60. But Madoka probably thinks it's weird my mom is barely out of her 30s.

<Sendai. Her family has been here forever. Buy my dad is the opposite.> She laughs, <He's American.>

<Oh. Is that where your blonde hair comes from?>

She giggles, <No, it's fake. Dad has dark hair. He is half-Japanese. So I'm 3/4s.>

She nods, <Yes, those are real,> she opens her eyes wide as if I should somehow confirm their legitimacy. It makes me laugh.

She fingerspells, <Hawaii.>

<Oh, wow. Have you been?>

She nods, <Once a year. It's pretty. Where is your dad from?>

Oh. We both talked about our moms first, so it makes sense she thinks we're doing the same with our dads. I don't have much to say, though.

I take a moment to think about what I want to say, and how I need to sign it, <It's just me and my mom. And our cat, Haru. That's my whole family.>

From her curious expression, I can tell Madoka has many questions she isn't sure she should ask. I decide to head her off at the pass.

She frowns, <Sorry.>

She shrugs, She smiles, <You might have had two moms, too!>

I laugh, <Do you and Akane want to be two moms some day?>

Madoka suddenly turns crimson and chews on her lip. I haven't seen her get embarrassed yet. It's pretty cute. The blush really shows on her fair skin.

She signs, and then she puts a finger to her lips. It's not officially sign language for ‘Keep it secret, she doesn't know I feel that way yet,’ but it may as well be.

I nod to indicate I get her meaning, <How long have you been together?>

Madoka looks off to the side as she thinks, <About a year and a half.>

I tilt my head to the side,

Madoka shakes her head, <I've been in love with her since high school. But we just got together a year and a half ago.>

Wow. Madoka is really patient. At least it paid off.

She's sharing a lot about herself. Maybe I should tell her I'm gay too. I've never willingly told anyone but my mom. Madoka's obviously a safe person to tell.

I feel my heart start to race as I consider how to communicate my biggest secret.

Madoka looks at her phone and frowns,

I relax a little, because I don't have time to tell her now. But there's also some disappointment mixed in.

Maybe next time.

There's a mischievous glint in her eyes as she signs, <Before I go, I want to show you something.>

She picks up her phone and points to it. I nod.

She smiles, <This will be fun.>

She taps on her phone a few times and then puts it down on the table so we can look at it together.

It's two young women. One of them is clearly Akane. She doesn’t look that much different from her appearance today, but it must be a picture from 7 or 8 years ago, because it looks like she’s graduating from high school based on her uniform and the diploma case she is holding. She's smiling really wide and has her arm around an utterly ridiculous-looking woman who is also smiling.

The first thing I notice about the other woman is her bubblegum pink hair. But that's not even the craziest thing about it. That would be the fact that her hair is styled into two huge spirals that hang over each of her shoulders. It looks like pink spaghetti twirled on the end of a fork.

How did she even make it look like that? I've always had short hair and keeping it longer and styling it normally sounds exhausting to me. But those spirals must REALLY take forever.

As I start to look at this woman more closely, I see she has light brown, almost golden eyes, and a very familiar smile.

I'm so surprised that I blurt out, “M-ms. Mikado!?”

Madoka laughs at my outburst, <Yep. That’s her.>

I shake my head, <That hair!>

Madoka chuckles, <It's very interesting.>

I chuckle, <More like crazy. Was she crazy?>

Madoka shrugs, <She was Misha.>

I chuckle, <So, that's a yes?>

I think on this for a moment. That's a pretty damn good way of summing her up. ‘A lot, but worth it.’ I'll have to remember that.

<You're right. That hair is a lot too. So it kind of suits her.> I hesitate for a moment, <Can you send that to me?>

She laughs, <Sure thing.>

Ms. Mikado and I are on another field trip, this time to the university library. It's another important step in helping me feel like I can resume my normal life, so I'm excited about it, but also pretty anxious as I always am when I have to do this kind of thing. But I have to escape the comfort of my house or I’ll never get to put lip reading into practice.

We just arrived and Ms. Mikado is looking around the library lobby in awe. It's really not that impressive. It's mostly a big room filled with computer stations and a few help desks. The very center of the building, where the stacks are, is transparent glass, so you can see floors and floors of books even in the lobby if you look up. It's kind of cool, I guess, but not awe-inspiring, even to me. And I like books. It's like she's never been in a library before.

Wait a minute…

I smirk at her, <First time in a library?>

Ms. Mikado scoffs at me and her cheeks turn a little pink, <No!>

She rolls her eyes, <Maybe I'm not much of a reader, but I went to the library in high school and university a lot, okay! This is just a lot bigger.>

She fingerspells, <Tsukuba.>

I know that's a medium-sized city in Ibaraki Prefecture, but I've never even heard of the university.

My confusion must show on my face because she adds, <It’s a school for the deaf.>

Well, I'm a jerk. Didn't even know Japan had one of those. And now I'm basically deaf. I should probably do better learning about that kind of thing. It's like…part of who I am, now.

<Ohhh. Got it.>

She nods and I can detect a hint of annoyance in her eyes as she signs, <Anyway - we aren't here for you to make fun of me. We're here to get a book, right?>

Well crap. I think I really hurt her feelings. Not that she'd ever show it in a big way, but even looking a little annoyed means a lot with her.

I nod, feeling embarrassed, <Sorry. I was just joking around. I'm a bookworm who never goes outside. Not like I have any room to make fun of you.>

She sighs,

She's on edge? I wonder why? Clearly she wants us to move on from this topic, but I can't help but wonder.

She starts to look around, as if she'll see a sign that says ‘Reina gets her books here’ or something. Then she looks at me and says, <Lead the way.>

I nod, and head towards the circulation desk. I requested a book that is ready for me to pick it up. She follows closely behind me with her arms crossed.

I stop a few meters from the desk and point, <That’s where I go.>

I'm relieved when she looks more like herself as she signs, <Okay. I'll be here like at the supermarket. But do your best.>

I nod and walk up to the desk, where a male student is working. He's very tall, and has his long dark hair in a ponytail. He's so much bigger than me that it intimidates me a little. But it shouldn't. I get out my student ID and place it down on the desk, “E-excuse me. I am here to pick up a book.”

He nods and takes my ID and says, “Bzbzbzjzbzbzbzjbz.”

Huh. Him being taller actually kind of makes it easier to read his lips, since there's no way for him to look down where I can't see them. Still, I only picked up about half of what he said.

I make a guess using the context and the words I picked up, “The book should be Women's Lives during the Meiji Restoration .”

He nods and looks at his computer screen, says what must have been ‘be back in a second,’ and heads to the shelves that are behind him. He comes back, scans the book and hands it to me. I thank him and then turn around. Ms. Mikado is smiling and giving me a thumbs up, but she's definitely more muted than normal.

Between how easily I annoyed her earlier and her less joyful demeanor, I'm starting to worry about her.

As I move to join her while thinking of how I might be able to cheer her up, I hear someone say “Bzbzbbzbzjzbz.” I ignore it, as I'm starting to learn to do in these settings. People are never talking to me, so it's worked out.

But then the owner of the voice gets closer to me and says something again. In my peripheral vision, I see someone walking towards me. I turn towards the sound, and recognize the person, who is looking right at me and saying something.

She's talking to me.

It's Sakura, the student I sit next to in my Creative Writing capstone. She's a small, friendly girl with chestnut-colored shoulder length hair and brown eyes.

She's a writer like me. We've had several classes together over the years. We really only talk in class, but every now and then we run into each other like this and chat.

Even though I know her - or maybe because I do - I start to panic. I try to say something. But I just end up opening and closing my mouth. I feel like a fish gasping for air.

Lipreading so far has been a lot more predictable. Situations I have been in a lot. But this is completely spontaneous. I have no idea what she's saying.

My acquaintance now looks up at me with concern and says something else I have no way of understanding. It sends me spiraling even more as I fail to understand even one syllable of her speech.

Just as I'm about to really lose it, I feel a hand squeeze my shoulder and turn to see Ms. Mikado standing next to me. She says something to the girl and then signs, <Do you want to talk to her?>

I nod, and take a deep breath. Ms. Mikado's presence and the physical contact help me calm down. Now I think I can actually speak.

“H-hi Sakura. Sorry. I know it sounds weird but I um…got hurt, and c-can't understand speech anymore.”

Sakura replies, and Ms. Mikado immediately begins signing.

This is what it would be like to have her as an interpreter. It sure is convenient.

<Oh. I'm so sorry to hear that. It's good to see you. I've missed you in class.>

“Y-yeah, it's been a bummer not being able to go.” I gesture towards Ms. Mikado, “B-but um, this is my t-teacher, Ms. Mikado, and sh-she's helping me get ready to c-come back. And translating right now.”

The two of them exchange what must be introductions, and then Sakura says something else.

<So, you'll still graduate?>

“I hope so. Probably a semester late, though.”

She nods, <Well, that's amazing. You're the best in our class, you deserve to graduate already as far as I'm concerned.> She smiles, <Have a good evening. I hope I see you soon.>

I nod, “N-nice talking to you.”

She walks off and I feel completely exhausted by the ordeal.

It's so pathetic that a short conversation qualifies as an ‘ordeal’ for me. Talking to her outside of class would already have stressed me out, but now with this new barrier it feels ten times worse.

I look at Ms. Mikado, who is giving me a warm smile now, <Are you okay?>

I nod, <Thank you so much.>

She smiles, <Of course.>

I think that makes it three panic attacks she saved me from. Too bad I don't get to have her with me full time.

We go outside and take a seat on a bench outside the library before we part for the day. I feel pretty shitty about everything, and I must not be hiding it, because Ms. Mikado looks worried.

After some silence she signs, <Lip reading is hard when it's a random conversation like that, don't get down on yourself. You did really well today.>

<It’s never going to be easy to have conversations with people, is it?>

<Well, it can be hard. But if you know the subject of conversation and the person talks slowly it's doable. You kind of have to get people to let you know the subject first, which can be awkward, but it helps a lot.>

I nod, <Okay. You'll help me with that?>

She smiles, <Of course. You've got day-to-day lip reading down. Our last month will be how best to approach more spontaneous stuff.>

<Okay. Again…thank you. You do so much for me. I'd be lost without you.>

She smiles, <Glad you didn't get rid of me on day one like you wanted?>

I grimace and look down, cringing at my behavior on the day we met.

I look back up at her and smile, <Very, very glad.>

As I look at her, I notice she looks more worn out than usual. She looks a little tired around the eyes, and her smile isn't as sharp as it usually is.

She said she was on edge about something. And she hasn't quite been herself all day. Something must be bothering her.

She does so much for me and I never do anything for her. Maybe I can help.

She raises an eyebrow, <Talk about something?>

I nod, <You said you were on edge.>

She raises both of her eyebrows now, <Thank you. That's sweet. But it's personal stuff. And you're my student.>

I feel my heart sink.

I somehow forgot she's my teacher. Not my friend. And now I feel hurt that she won't talk to me when I have no right to feel that way. I'm so freaking stupid.

After that, I quickly apologize and we part ways. As I head home, I remember that she said our class has a month left. I start to get a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach about our class only having a month left. I'm not sure why.

Maybe I'm nervous about being on my own with this disability, and unsure whether or not I can make enough progress to be functional in the amount of time we have left.

Whatever it is, I don't feel good.

I'm depressed, stressed, and anxious. It's a horrible cocktail of emotions. So horrible that I'm unable to take my afternoon nap.

After giving up on my nap, I head downstairs to the kitchen table and start studying. When I open my laptop, I find an email waiting for me.

Dear Ms. Kato,

There's been a little bit of a schedule change around here. Due to some internal restructuring, our Yuri volume has switched places with one originally scheduled for August. This means we'll be needing your pitch one week from today, instead of in another six weeks. I apologize for the inconvenience.

We look forward to working with you!

“ UGH!,” I slam both of my fists on the dining table, on either side of my laptop, feeling completely overwhelmed.

Could this day get any worse? I already feel horrible because I'm worried about rejoining society. I already feel like a pathetic piece of shit because I mistook what Ms. Mikado and I have as an actual friendship when she's just my freaking teacher.

Now I'm reminded that I'm no longer able to do the one thing in life I'm supposed to be good at.

I can't do anything right. I'm not good at anything. I can't even write anymore.

No one likes me. I don't have any friends. Between my disability and my social anxiety, why am I even trying to be a normal person? I'm not normal. I should just give up.

I glance towards the stairs, and feel a strong desire to run up them and lock myself in my room. Away from everything. At a time like this I'm very tempted to go back to who I was in middle school.

Realizing I'm on the edge of a total meltdown,

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I'm embarrassed to feel a tear run down my cheek when I do.

I count to ten, and then open my eyes again, feeling a little better.

I'm not out of time yet. I have a week left to figure something out. I got that book from the library hoping it would shake an idea loose.

If I don't figure something out in time, maybe I'll lock myself in my room. At that point, I'll be sure that I can't write anymore. I'll be sure that there's nothing about me that's worthwhile. And I can give up.

But right now, I still have time.

I get out the book I got from the library and begin poring over it, hoping to find some desperately needed inspiration.

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Tue Jun 03, 2025 10:46 am

There are 3 days until the deadline for my story pitch. I still don't have any ideas. This, despite the fact that I've only slept a few hours the last couple of nights as I've tried my hardest to extract something from my stupid brain. No luck so far.

It has me in a horrible mood. I so desperately want to be a writer, but I can't even come up with a basic story idea right now. I'm seriously starting to worry that my brain damage might be affecting things, as I've never once had such extreme writer's block.

It's breakfast now, but I'm not very hungry. Even with my mom's grilled salmon in front of me. My mom always gets extra worried when I don't eat as much as I usually do.

<Sweetie, I know you're stressed, but you'll think better if you eat and get a good night's sleep.>

I scoff, “Actually, if I miss the deadline, sleeping is probably all I'll be doing.”

My mom sets her coffee down with a frown, <Is there anything at all I can do to help?>

I shrug, <Have any story ideas?>

My mom laughs, <No.>

My mom looks at me for a moment, clearly worried. But she knows I'm not going to budge.

Things have been awkward between us ever since I treated her like my friend a few days ago. Class has been fine, but it really feels like she has pulled away from me. And my mom. She isn't texting us at all, and my mom has noticed she isn't herself too. So now we're both worried.

Plus I'm still embarrassed I offered to help her when I shouldn't have. And…still a little hurt that she rejected my help, as unfair as that is.

A couple days without that awkwardness might free up my brain a little bit. And my schedule.

My mom thinks for a moment but then shakes her head, <We need to keep at it. You know that. It's better in the long run.>

I sigh and lean back in my chair, “Fine.”

…

We are eating lunch. My mom made her pork cutlets again so I'm very happy. Even with my diminished appetite, I devoured mine. Although I was surprisingly full after just one.

Now I'm doing the dishes and thinking about Ms. Mikado.

She isn't eating with us. She hasn't since the day at the library. I think I need to give her a better apology or something to make things how they were. I miss eating with her. And texting with her. And I think it's my fault she doesn't do those things anymore. Maybe I should-

My mom taps on my shoulder and gives me a wry smile, <That dish is very clean.>

I laugh awkwardly, realizing that I've been spacing out and thinking about Ms. MIkado while I clean the same dish for several minutes. After that, I pull myself together and finish the dishes.

Then my mom asks, <Can you take out the trash?>

I nod, and get the garbage bag out of the kitchen trash can. I head outside and throw it in the dumpster. On the way back, I see Ms. Mikado pacing on the lawn of the apartment building and talking on the phone while gesturing aggressively.

When she turns around, I see something I've never seen before.

She isn't smiling. At all.

And not only that, she's very upset. I even think she might be crying. But I'm too far away to tell. I start to feel a pressure in my throat, and an ache in my chest.

If anyone looked how she did right now, I would be worried. With her, I'm way beyond that. I feel the urge to yell at whoever it might be who is making her feel this way.

Just as I'm observing her, she notices me and hangs up the phone. Only now do I realize I've been stock still staring at her. After a brief second, her face lights up how it always does.

It pisses me off.

She excitedly signs, <Ready for lip reading?>

She beams, <You know it!>

Something boils over inside of me as I see through her stupid fake smile.

She sighs and looks down at the ground. For a moment, I think I got through to her. And that she might talk to me. Or at least stop with the faux cheeriness and acknowledge that she's upset about something.

But then she looks up at me with the same stupid smile, <It’s time for our lesson! Let's go.> She heads back to our apartment.

As she does, I want to scream at her. Tell her that it's okay for her to be upset. Tell her that even though I'm just her student, I want to help her. Tell her that she can talk to me.

But I swallow down all of those urges. If I do any of that, I think I will have really crossed a line. And probably just upset her more.

Instead, I click my tongue and shake my head before following her back to the apartment.

…

Our lesson is over. It was awkward as hell. There's this suffocating tension hanging over us. She knows I want to try to help her. I know she doesn't want me to. Even though we didn't bring the topic up the whole hour, it was on my mind the entire time. And I think it was on hers, too.

Now that she's packing up, I can see some very evident sadness in her eyes, even as she's smiling. It makes me want to try one last time.

I stop signing when she thrusts her palm out towards me. For the first time ever, I see anger on her face. She's clenching her jaw, her eyes are narrowed, and there's no smile to be found.

Her hands also move aggressively as she signs, emphasizing every word with an extra flourish showing just how fed up with me she is, <I. Don't. Want. To. I made it clear at the library, didn't I? And after lunch? How many times do you need me to tell you for you to stop? Do you need it in writing? Because I'm getting sick of having to remind you.>

I just look on, stunned by the transformation in her demeanor. I also feel very hurt, like the pathetic loser I am. Only someone as socially inept as me would keep thinking her teacher is her friend.

She slings her bag over her shoulder, <Don't bring this up again. Promise me that you won't.> She looks at me pointedly.

I nod, doing my best to conceal how personally I'm taking it. I could cry right now if I really let myself go. But that would be even more pathetic.

She gives me her usual smile. It makes me even more upset because I know for sure it isn't real.

<Okay. See you tomorrow!>

…

It's bedtime. I wanted to actually get some sleep tonight. But instead I'm staring up at the ceiling unable to lose consciousness.

This was a pretty shitty day. On top of everything that happened with Ms. Mikado, I still have nothing when it comes to my story pitch. I wasn't very focused tonight. I was mostly ruminating about Ms. Mikado.

I feel pretty useless. There are two things I desperately want to do – Help Ms. Mikado feel better and write a story. But I can't do either of them.

What am I even good for?

I can't stop thinking about how angry with me she was. I don't blame her. I really did cross a line that she made clear she didn't want me to cross.

But I also can't stop thinking about her face when she was on the phone. I wanted to help her so badly. And now I can't stop worrying about what might be troubling her. Or who might be making her feel this way.

She's such a wonderful, beautiful person, and the idea that anyone would make her upset just makes me mad. She deserves to be happy. And she isn't right now.

As I think about her, I start to feel an intense emotion. It's like…a pressure in my stomach, and tightness in my chest, and I'm lightheaded too. It's sort of familiar. But when did I feel like this before?

Oh no. Please…no.

As I realize the terrible cause of this feeling, I cover my face with my arms. The movement prompts a dissatisfied chirp out of Haru. But I'm too distracted by my realization to comfort her.

Oh God. This is even more intense than last time. Probably because I'm not 13.

How did this even happen?

I mean sure, she's the prettiest woman I've ever seen. I've thought that from the beginning. But this…this goes well beyond that objective fact. There's a very strong emotional component.

I want to do whatever I can to help her when she's sad. I want to be there for her. I want to hold her, and comfort her. I enjoy being around her so much.

I really care about her. More than a student should care about their teacher or mentor.

I shake my head at myself.

No, no, no. This can't be right.

She's one of the most infuriating people I know! She's the kind of woman I would just roll my eyes at and judge for being loud and obnoxious and unnecessarily bubbly. In fact, I HAVE done those things to her.

How can I possibly feel this way? Have I lost my freaking mind?!

I sigh and shake my head at myself and whisper, “She's annoying! She's infuriating! She's ridiculous!”

She's…also the sweetest, most caring person I know.

And I swear she's gotten even prettier lately. Her golden eyes are so captivating, and I've even started to love her smiles. The whole range of them. And her body-

Aw, shit. Shit shit shit.

I pound the mattress with my fist, “SHIT!”

Haru jumps off the bed with an angry meow.

I put my hand over my mouth, realizing that I just said that out loud. And really loudly. I start to come up with what I'll say to my mom if she comes running as a result of my outburst.

I was just dreaming. Yeah, that'll work.

Luckily, she doesn't come. I breathe a sigh of relief, but the relief doesn't last long once I return to my dilemma.

This is exactly what I was afraid of when I first met her. Having to deal with this. She was so annoying I figured it would never, ever happen. Why does she also have to be a good person?

I finally sigh in resignation, and openly admit to myself what I've so far only been dancing around.

I'm in love with her. Now what?

Just as I'm lamenting my situation, I feel a familiar sensation. One I've been longing for. The feeling of a story idea crystallizing in my mind. And the urge to write it down. I quickly sit up in bed, grab my laptop off the floor, and open up the email from the publisher and I start typing at a blinding speed. When this happens, it's almost like I've been possessed.

Thank you so much for your offer. I do have an idea for a story that I hope you'll consider.

It is set in the 1870s right after the Meiji Restoration. It will focus on a Japanese noblewoman in her early 20s who is learning English from a private tutor. The noblewoman is the quiet, introverted, gloomy type, who isn't very happy in her life. Partly because she's hiding that she is gay from everyone.

Her tutor is the exact opposite. A bubbly, energetic extrovert who always seems to be happy. She lights up the room wherever she goes.

Their personalities clash at first. But over time they come to understand one another, and against all odds the two of them fall in love.

I read it over once and hit send.

Just as I send the email, my phone buzzes.

It's a text message from Ms. Mikado. It's not in the text chat with my mom. It's just to me.

“I'm so sorry I snapped at you today. I went way too far and you didn't deserve it “

My heart starts pounding just from her text. If I had any doubts about whether I was in love with her, they are long gone now. I wouldn't have such a strong reaction to this text otherwise.

I sigh and lay back in bed as I respond, “It's okay. I'm sorry too. I snapped at you first. And I'm your student. I won't overstep anymore.”

Her reply comes quickly, “You ARE my student. It wouldn’t be right of me to tell you all about my personal life.” She finishes her text with an animation of a cartoon cat shaking its head.

It's okay if I'm only a student to her. At least I still get to be with her a lot.

But then, a realization dawns me.

If I'm just her student…that means when our class is done I'll never see her again.

I feel a pang in my chest when I think that.

I know she won’t ever love me the same way. But…not ever seeing her again…

Just as I’m starting to become uncharacteristically emotional about things, Ms. Mikado sends another text.

“BUT…once our class is over, I might tell you about it if it's still bothering me. For now though, just try to forget you saw me on the phone today and stuff.”

Despite being embarrassed with how happy I am that she might want to tell me more about herself someday, I respond, “I would like that.”

“YAYYY! Goodnight, future (but definitely not until our class is over) friend.”

I laugh and shake my head. We didn't talk about what is upsetting her. But it's only because right now we have a relationship where it would be inappropriate.

And…I mean enough to her that we're going to be friends after our class ends. That makes me happy. It means I'll still see her sometimes. And maybe she'll confide in me in the end.

And somehow I managed to turn all of this emotional turmoil into a pretty good story idea.

And I like how I feel about her. It's a little scary, given what happened to me last time I felt just a little bit like this. But…I'm older now. I'll handle it better. She won't find out.

Of course, if she ever reads the story I'm planning on writing she might figure it out. But luckily for me she's not much of a reader. And she has never once asked about my writing and I don't see that changing.

I'm just really happy to spend time with her. That's all I want. I'm really looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. And I'm excited to be her friend.

Maybe this wasn't such a shitty day after all.

It’s breakfast, and my mom can already tell that I’m feeling much better than the last time she saw me.

I nod, <And I sent in my story pitch. And they accepted it,> “So, crisis averted.”

My mom claps her hands together happily,

As I pick up my hands to sign, I realize that I can't tell my mom all the details. There's no way she won't figure out my inspiration.

I didn't think this through. I was happy too happy about having a story idea to think about consequences like this. Maybe Ms. Mikado doesn’t read or ask about my writing, but that’s not true of my mom. She reads everything I write and is often a sounding board for me.

I decide to be vague, <It’s about two women right after the Meiji Restoration who meet, become friends, and fall in love.>

My mom nods with a smile, and luckily doesn't ask any follow-up questions, making me feel relieved.

She'll find out eventually. I don't really want to hide it from her forever anyway, but I definitely don't want her to know until our class is over.

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Wed Jun 11, 2025 12:10 pm

Tomorrow is the last day of my class with Ms. Mikado. I have very mixed feelings about that. I'm proud of what I've managed to accomplish in three months, and I'm glad I am proficient enough in sign language and lip reading to resume a somewhat normal life.

But I've gotten so used to seeing Ms. Mikado 6 days a week. And now I'm in love with her. So the idea of not seeing her as much is a pretty big downer.

I've been doing my best to distract myself from that reality. The good news is, I have a lot of distractions. I'm writing my story and getting ready to complete my course work. They keep my mind off of things to a degree.

Of course, I think about Ms. Mikado all the time when I'm writing too…but somehow I can compartmentalize things.

Right now, I'm distracting myself with a meeting with Madoka at my mom's café. Today we are sitting outside on the patio. It wasn't my idea. I generally like being indoors. But Madoka was excited to sit outside since as she puts it, ‘It's a beautiful day.’

I'm not sure what's so beautiful about it. It’s getting hot. I'm an indoor kind of gal. It’s not very comfortable out here in my hoodie, but I'm not going to tell her that.

She smirks, <So, you survived Misha.>

I laugh, <Yep! She is ‘a lot’ as you once said. But also a good teacher.>

She smiles,

I chuckle, <Picked up on that, did you?>

She nods, <But I'm really glad you two are going to be friends.>

I feel my cheeks get a little warm, <She told you about that?>

<Well, she told Akane. Akane told me. Misha asked her for advice.>

Madoka looks off to the side for a moment, <Nothing. Forget I said that.>

I'm about to push her to tell me, but then she looks down at her phone and gets a complicated expression on her face. She looks annoyed, angry, and maybe a little bit ashamed too.

When she looks back up at me I ask, <Why did you just pull a face?>

I laugh, <You did. You looked angry and annoyed.>

Madoka pouts,

She sighs and taps her fingers on the table for a moment before another long look at her phone, <We're friends, right?>

I guess we are. Over the last few months I've talked more with her than just about anyone outside of Ms. Mikado and my mom.

She raises an eyebrow, <You don't sound very sure.>

I shrug, <I've never had very many friends. So, I guess I'm unsure what it feels like.>

I see a brief flash of pity on Madoka's face. It pisses me off, but it's gone in an instant so I let it go.

<Well, you're my friend. We talk about our lives and stuff. And I like talking to you. You even know one of my secrets!>

I laugh, <That's true. Okay. You're my friend too. Why do you ask anyway?>

I laugh, <Okay. Is it about whatever you made that face about?>

She nods and taps her fingers on the table for a moment again before signing, <Akane's out of town visiting her best friend.>

<Isn't that nice?>

She sighs, <It is. But I'm a jealous-> She pauses for a moment and then signs <...female dog.>

It takes me a second but then I get her meaning, <You're worried there's something between them?>

She nods, <Akane used to be in love with her.>

<Oh. I can understand your feelings, then.>

She smiles wryly and seemingly cringes at herself, <Only because I haven't told you everything.>

<Oh.>

I do my best to keep my face neutral even though I'm surprised Madoka is being so irrational about this. She already seems to know that, so it won't help if I make her feel bad.

<See! It's stupid! I'm such a mess.>

Apparently I didn't do a very good job hiding my feelings.

She sighs and slumps her shoulders. She starts fidgeting with a paper straw wrapper.

She's really upset. More with herself for feeling how she does, I think, than with Akane. Maybe I can distract her a little.

I take a deep breath, <Since we're friends. And you told me a couple secrets, I want to tell you one.>

Her face brightens up a little.

I take another deep breath, to steady myself. Then I look around, just in case someone who knows sign is watching. When I'm satisfied there isn't I sign, <I'm gay.>

Her eyebrows go up a little, but she doesn't look quite as shocked as I expected. I've read that gay people can spot one another. But I've never put much stock in it. Well, even if she already suspected, there's something important I need to say.

<Please, don't tell anyone.>

She puts her hand to her chest and shakes her head, She looks uneasy as her eyes drift in the general direction of the counter inside the cafe. Then she looks back at me, <Does your mom know?>

I nod, <She's the only one.>

<She's good with it?>

I nod.

She relaxes a little, <Good. Parents can be the hardest.>

She nods, <My dad's fine with it. My mom…tries to be, at least.>

<I'm sorry. That's hard.>

Madoka exhales, <It is. I had boyfriends before. Didn't like it. Mom just thinks I didn't try.>

I am once again very thankful for my mom.

She nods grimly, <We don't act like girlfriends in public. It sucks. I just wanna hold her hand sometimes. Japan's dumb.>

She nods, <Not perfect. But better, yeah. Gay marriage is legal in Hawaii now.>

<Wow. Would you move?>

She puts her finger to her lips to let me know it's a secret,

I frown, <Makes sense.>

<Sorry. I don't mean to say you can't be gay and stay in Japan.>

<Oh. I wasn't thinking about that. I don't think I'll ever find someone, so it doesn't matter for me.>

Now the pity from earlier makes a reappearance on her face. So does my anger.

<What? Why?>

I shrug, <That stuff just doesn't work out for me. I think I'm supposed to be alone.>

She studies me for a moment, <If…that's what you want. Is it?>

I really don't want to elaborate on how I feel. So I'll simplify things.

<Yep. It is.>

It's the last hour of the last class with Ms. Mikado.

<Okay, so for our last lesson - let's just make sure you are prepared for your meeting with your professor on Monday.>

I nod.

For the last month the lipreading section of our course focused on strategies for lipreading. Like how to put myself in a situation where I can be most successful. It's good to review all that, because I'm nervous about a meeting with my adviser where we will discuss how to finish my course work.

<So, what should you do ahead of the meeting?>

Ms. Mikado nods, <And what should you bring?>

She smiles, <Yep. Just do your best. People are pretty understanding.>

I love that she's so optimistic. Even if it feels a little naive sometimes.

In this case, I think it's true that my professor will be understanding. She has always been patient with me and all of my problems. There's just a new one in the mix now.

…

Our class is officially over. I'm seeing Ms. Mikado to the door. I'm feeling very emotional about the end of our class, but doing my best to hide it.

I was dreading this class with her at the beginning. Now I'm all broken up about it ending. Life is funny.

She turns around after putting her shoes back on and giving me a stiff bow, <Well, congratulations. You worked really hard and I think it really paid off.>

I smile, <Thank you. Your hard work paid off too. You were an amazing teacher.>

She nods and bows again, <Thank you. And good luck in your future endeavors.>

She quickly turns around and opens the door and is gone in an instant, leaving me feeling dumbfounded. She was oddly formal at the end, and left so abruptly.

Maybe she's having second thoughts about us being friends? That was too weird not to mean something.

I sigh, and turn around to head back to the living room, feeling the need to shed a few tears.

But then I'm surprised to hear a knock on the door. I freeze in place, filled with anxiety. I really do not want to talk to some random person right now.

I take another step towards the living room and there's another knock.

Seriously? Just go away. Sell your stuff somewhere else.

There's another knock. This time, it's silly and rhythmic, to the rhythm of a child's nursery rhyme.

Wait a second…

This time I go and look through the peep hole, and I'm not surprised to see a smiling Ms. Mikado.

I guess she forgot something.

I sigh and open the door and her smile gets even wider, <Took you long enough. I just got off work and I was in the area. Do you want to get some coffee with me, friend?>

I laugh and shake my head at her, feeling very relieved that her weird demeanor earlier was all part of a silly joke.

I should have known she'd do something like this.

<Sure, let's go.>

…

We've just taken a seat at the cafe.

Predictably, Ms. Mikado has a giant milkshake-looking coffee drink in front of her. It's dark brown and covered in chocolate syrup, so I'm sure it's a mocha frappuccino or something.

It's getting pretty warm, so I don't blame her for selecting a cold drink. But isn't she embarrassed to drink something like that in public?

Of course, I think one of the things I like about her is that she doesn't seem to give a damn what people think.

I have a more sensible iced Chai latte and a breakfast sandwich.

<So Reina, what are you going to do now that you finished your class?> She grins, <How will you go on without me?>

She's joking. But there's some truth to what she's saying. Both because I'm in love with her and will miss seeing her as much AND because I'm kind of scared about living life with this disability.

I laugh off my real feelings and then sign, <It'll be tough, but I'll manage. What about you, Ms. Mikado? How will you survive without your favorite student?>

“Wahahaha!_”, <I'll manage too. Barely. By the way, you don't have to call me ‘Ms. Mikado’ anymore. We're friends now!>

<What should I call you, then.> I pause for a moment and then fingerspell, <Misha?>

She lets out another “Wahahaha_” but this time I don't get the joke.

That's her name isn't it?

<That’s a nickname I used in high school, so my friends from back then still use it. But I don't want you to call me that.>

<Shiina. You can call me that if you like.>

It feels weird not to call her the same thing I've called her for months. And I'm a little scared of getting too close with her because of my feelings. And calling her Shiina will definitely make us closer.

But she's right, she isn't my teacher. We are on even footing now. As friends. And that's really great. I can handle this.

I quietly say, “Shiina.”

She nods happily.

I think for a moment before asking, <How do you get ‘Misha’ from your name?>

She laughs and fingerspells her first and last name, emphasizing part of it, < Mi kado Sh ina>.

I narrow my eyes, <Seems like a bit of a stretch.>

She crosses her arms dramatically and then signs, She looks bashful for a moment, <Now then, what should I call you?>

She pouts, <No fair! I want a new name to call you too!>

<Sorry.>

She taps her finger on her chin for a moment while looking off to the side, <What about…Rei-chan?>

My negative feelings about that nickname must have been evident on my face, because she almost immediately asks, <Don't like it?>

Her pout intensifies, <Okay, but she didn't call you that in sign language, right?>

Her adorable pout and animated signing breaks down some of my resistance, but I still don't like the nickname, so I show her with my face.

Her pout intensifies further still and she looks at me for a moment, <What about…Rei…kun?>

No one's ever called me that. I kind of like her having her own thing to call me. And I think -kun suits me much better than -chan.

<Okay. You can call me that.>

She beams, <Okay, Rei-kun it is.>

I'm on campus and standing in front of my adviser's closed office door with lots of butterflies in my stomach. It's almost time for our meeting. Ms. Mikado-

Oh, woops. It's hard to stop thinking of her by that name. Let's start over.

SHIINA prepared me for this. And I like my adviser. She's a very nice woman. We have a good relationship. And I know she isn't going to be mad at me or anything. She's been very understanding about my absence via email.

But this is still the first time I have seen one of my instructors since everything, and I'm worried things will go horribly wrong.

And even if we can make it work, having to communicate so slowly might be a huge pain even to a very nice woman. She is busy after all. Does she have time to cater to a single disabled student?

I close my eyes and take a deep breath and give myself encouragement.

I can do this. Shiina prepared me. Professor Yoshitaka is very nice. She's not overly serious and she makes stupid jokes. She'll be understanding. I can do th-

I hear the click of the door opening and grimace as I come face to face with my professor, who is giving me a bemused look.

I'm stunned by what I just saw and think I might be hallucinating.

Maybe the brain damage is worse than I thought, because there's no way that she-

She laughs, interrupting my train of thought and deftly signs, <If you don't close your mouth, an insect might fly in.>

I close my mouth and blink several times, “H-how do you know sign language?”

She steps aside and extends her arm welcomingly, <Have a seat and I'll tell you.>

I nod and sit down in front of her, across from her desk. I've had lots of good talks with her here. It feels good to be back in her office. It's one of the few places outside of my house where I feel somewhat comfortable.

Professor Yoshitaka is probably in her 50s, with wavy, shoulder length salt and pepper hair. She has glasses, but they mostly stay on top of her head, unless she has to read something. She has very kind brown eyes and eternally looks curious or amused by something.

Right now though, I'm the one who is curious. Luckily, she answers my question from earlier.

I chuckle, “Wow you…can even do your…usual jokes in sign language.”

She puts her hand to her mouth and laughs softly, <People say I get my sense of humor from my dad, so I might actually be better at it this way.>

One thing I've learned since the accident is that there are way more hearing impaired people than I ever realized. They were kind of invisible to me before, which makes me feel pretty bad and self-centered. I have only learned about universities for the deaf, hearing aides, people who learn sign language to talk to their partner's family, and people with deaf parents since then. But they've been around all along.

I decide to switch to sign language. I wasn't really thinking this was even a possibility, but as comfortable as she is with it, I may as well.

<It’s actually nice to sign with a student. I don't get to do it very often these days. My first job out of grad school was at Tsubuka, so it’s sort of nostalgic.>

<Oh! My->, I pause for a moment, unsure what word I should use, <friend went there. She taught me sign, actually.>

My professor smiles, <That’s great! It's a good school.>

I won't mention I was completely ignorant of its existence until quite recently.

I nod.

She nods back and puts her glasses on the end of her nose as she looks at something on her desk. She nods to herself, then pushes her glasses back up, <Looks to me like you've completed your requirements for graduation.>

I blink several times, thinking for the second time today I must be imagining things.

She laughs in response, <What do you need to finish the capstone for? You're having a story published, right?>

I nod.

I start to panic. I was hoping she wouldn't ask about the details. But…she'll know when it comes out. And she's nice. And probably smart enough to know there is subtext in most of my stories.

<It’s an anthology being published by Kodamsha. A yuri anthology.>

She nods, <Great. That's great. Well see, the last unit in the capstone was about preparing a story for publication. Sounds like you did it. And Professor Shimata was satisfied with your work in Advanced Poetry. And the rest of the department agrees that you're all done!>

I'm so stunned by these developments I mutter, “I…wow. Thank you.”

She waves her hands at me, <No need for ‘thank you's. You've been an exemplary student. You've done more than enough for your degree. No need to make you do more after all you've been through and what you've already accomplished.>

We've always had a good relationship, but she's still never really openly praised me like this.

She and the other writing professors all think I'm a good writer. That makes me so happy. And so much more confident.

Much to my embarrassment, I start to sniffle and a few tears make their way down my cheeks. I wipe them on my hoodie sleeve and reply, <Even if you don't want me to thank you, I do want to express my gratitude. This is all a big relief for me, and you didn't have to do it.>

She smiles and gives me a wink, <Well, I won't say no to a ‘thank you’ in the dedication of your first book.> She pauses for a moment and looks more amused than usual, <Or some store credit at the cafe.>

I laugh at her silly joke, feeling a weight off my shoulders.

If someone like her believes in me this much…I know I can do it. I can be a professional writer.

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Sun Jun 22, 2025 1:42 pm

I'm at the kitchen table working on my story. I'm having a particularly productive day. I've written 5,000 words and I know there are more coming. When this happens I just have to get the words written. There will be lots of editing later to be sure, but right now the story almost feels like it's spilling out of me and it feels actively uncomfortable if I don’t let it out.

As I'm engrossed in my work, I hear a loud knocking sound.

It makes me jump and let out a ridiculous sound, “Eep!”

Embarrassed, I look up and see my mischievously smiling mom, with her knuckles on the table.

<Sorry. I couldn't get your attention. I thought this would scare you less than me touching you.>

“I-it's okay.”

I nod, eager to end the conversation and get back to typing.

My mom pouts, <Are you ever going to let me read it?>

This fully pulls my attention away from my screen, where I've just written a scene where the gloomy woman tries to get her energetic English teacher fired by questioning her experience.

I clear my throat, “Th-this time I think I want to wait until it's done.”

She lets out a dejected sigh and signs, <Okay. That's fine. Anyway, I got home a while ago and was trying not to disturb you. But it's getting late. You need to eat.>

I look at the time on my computer. It is way later than I thought it was. I really lose track of time when I'm like this. I honestly still thought she hadn't gotten home, but she's probably been home for two hours.

I take a deep breath and close my laptop, realizing that it's probably for the best right now.

…

We just finished another great meal courtesy of my mom.

Just as I'm about to head to my room to continue writing, she asks, <Are you sure you'll be okay for a few days on your own?>

I sigh, “Yes mom. I'm a big girl. I know I don't always act that way. But I am. Besides, you've left me home alone when you go on these trips before, right?”

My mom is going out of town for a few days. She does this every year in the summer. The cafe slows way down because there are a lot fewer classes at the university, so they close it for a few days and she takes the employees to a work retreat at an onsen in the countryside.

So, In addition to being an amazing mom, she's also a pretty amazing boss.

I mean, an onsen retreat with my coworkers sounds like hell on earth to me, but I understand most people like that kind of thing.

She frowns,

I am a tiny bit anxious about that myself. But I need to do this. And so does she.

My mom's been gone a couple of days and so far so good. I've been continuing to write. I actually just got back home from the library where I was getting some more reference material about women in the time after the Meiji Restoration.

It's around midday now, and I'm feeling a little sleepy. I head up to my room to take a nap. As usual, Haru is already on the bed, laying on her side facing away from me. But she doesn't give me her usual greeting.

I sit down on the bed, “Someone's sleepy today. You didn't even chirp at me, huh?”

I put my hand on her. She doesn't respond to me at all. Even though her eyes are open. I also notice that her mouth is open and she's panting, almost like a dog.

“H-Haru?”

I try petting her some more and nothing changes.

“H-haru? Are you okay?”

I try petting her again, hoping she'll just hop up and be her usual self. But my hopes aren't fulfilled.

I need to get her to the vet. And fast.

I get out my cell phone and dial the number for her vet.

After a few rings, they pick up, “Bzbzbzbzbzj.”

Shit. I kind of forgot about my stupid brain because I'm panicking.

I hang up and bite my lip as I try to decide what to do next. I decide to call my mom. She’ll know what’s going on. She knows I won’t be able to understand her. But I can ask her to call the vet.

I call my mom, but it rings several times and goes to voicemail. It does the same thing when I try again. She’s probably busy with her work retreat, and who knows when she’ll be able to call me back. I'm way too worried to wait.

I look over at Haru, who is still panting and not reacting to anything. I feel bile rising in my throat as I feel completely useless for being unable to take care of my cat, who is also pretty much my best friend.

She trusts me to take care of her. And here I am unable to do anything for her.

But I can't wallow in self-pity and fall to pieces. I don't have the time for that.

I take a few deep breaths, and I start to think more quickly. I decide to try to ask someone else for help. The very first person I thought of after my mother.

I look at the clock and frown, realizing that she’s still with a student. But I don’t know who else to turn to.

It rings several times, and just as I think it’s about to go to voice mail, she picks up and says, “Bzbzbzbzj,” even hearing her voice the distorted way I do soothes me a little. Someone can finally help me.

“H-hi Shiina u-um…something is really wrong with Haru. She’s panting and acting strange and not responding. A-and my mom is out of town, and I can’t talk to the vet office on the phone so I don’t know what to do.”

She replies, “Bzbzbzbzj,” and hangs up.

Seconds later, she sends me a text ,”Hang on. I have to make a couple of calls, but I think I know a vet who will see her on short notice.”

I feel relieved, but also a little mystified.

Shiina doesn't have pets. How does she know a vet?

After about five minutes there's another text, “It's Matsuzaka Vet Clinic. Here's the address.”

After thanking her, I gently pick up Haru, who at least now almost seems to be sleeping peacefully and not panting. I load her into her carrier, and head to the vet.

…

When I get to the clinic, I'm surprised to see Shiina waiting outside.

I'm so relieved I could cry. Not only did she somehow find a vet that would see Haru on short notice, she's here for the appointment! That's a huge relief. It was going to be challenging communicating with the vet.

She jogs over to me and checks on Haru in her carrier.

I nod, prompting a rare frown out of Shiina.

“Did you leave work? You didn't have to.”

She looks at me like I'm the biggest idiot in the world,

I nod.

She smiles and says, <Come on then, they are ready for you.>

“Th-thank you. This will be much easier with you here.”

For more reasons than just your skill as an interpreter. When you're around I just feel better. I'm so tempted to tell her that…

But I shouldn't.

She nods and opens the door for me.

…

We're in the waiting room now. I gently take Haru out of her carrier and place her on the examining table. She's panting and unresponsive like before. I pet her nervously, more for my comfort than hers. Although I hope it's helping her some, I sort of feel like she's unaware of it.

I explain everything that happened to Shiina, who starts to look worried. All the more so when she sees how Haru is behaving.

Not long after that the vet himself comes into the room. I was kind of expecting a tech, but this is an emergency and with the urgency in his eyes and posture, he knows it.

He says something to me, and Shiina intercepts. I'm guessing she's explaining my situation. The man nods and then looks at Shiina and then back at me and back at Shiina. I guess he's not sure who to talk to. Finally he settles on me.

As he speaks, Shiina signs, <Can you tell me what happened?>

I nod and explain how I found her. He examines Haru while I do.

If I saw him anywhere else he would be an intimidating man. He's quite tall and bald, and seems kind of gruff, but from the way he's delicately examining Haru, I can tell that he's not as scary as he looks.

After he examines her, he says something else.

“N-no. I don't think so.”

I think for a moment, but ultimately shake my head, “Not that I have noticed.”

He nods, <I'm going to take some of her blood to test. Is that okay?>

“Y-yeah, whatever you need to do to help her.”

He sticks his head out the door of the exam room and says something, and when he turns around he has a syringe, some vials, and some sort of handheld electronic device. A woman comes into the room too. She must be the tech.

She's a small woman, shorter than me, with curly chestnut colored hair. She's probably in her 50s.

With her help, he draws some blood from Haru's front leg. He fills a vial with it and hands it to her, and she leaves the room. Then he takes the handheld device he has and sticks it on the less furry part of Haru's ear. There's a popping sound, and I see a little pin prick on her ear that is bleeding.

“Wh-what's that?”

As he responds I look to Shiina, who to my surprise isn't signing. She's just staring at the vet with a blank expression. After a moment, she signs, <It’s to check her blood glucose levels. She might have diabetes.>

As I look back to Haru and the vet, I notice the device has a small piece of paper that he put some of her blood on. Now it's displaying a number.

The vet nods and then clicks his tongue, <Her blood sugar is dangerously high and she's very dehydrated. She's in a diabetic coma.>

“C-coma?”

Once again, the vet says something and there is an uncharacteristic delay from Shiina, <Yes, but it's reversible if we lower her blood sugar. We need to give her some IV fluids, electrolytes and insulin, and keep her here for observation for about 24 hours.>

“A-and she'll be okay?”

I nod, “O-okay. Thank you.”

With a nod, he gently picks up Haru and takes her out of the room.

After he leaves, I look over at Shiina, who looks just about the most shaken I've ever seen her. It reminds me a little of when she was upset and talking on the phone outside of our apartment as few weeks back.

“H-he said she's going to probably be okay, right? Did I misunderstand?”

In an instant, her distraught expression transforms into a bright smile, <Yep! You understood.>

After that, the vet tech from before comes back with a bunch of literature about diabetes in cats. I'm going to have to get her special food, check her blood sugar, and administer insulin once she comes home. It's all a little overwhelming.

She tells us that Haru is now receiving medication, and that we can call if we have any questions or even if we just want to check on Haru.

The whole time Shiina is relaying info to me, she doesn't seem like her usual self.

Shiina and I just got back to the apartment. I invited her in for some barley tea and snacks to thank her, even though it isn't anywhere close to enough.

When I get back from the kitchen with our tea I hear Shiina sniffling, and I see a few tears on her face. She hastily wipes them away when she notices me.

After I set down the tea I ask, <Are you worried about Haru?>

She takes her tea and stirs it, <A little.>

She sighs, <Saw that, did ya?>

I nod.

She frowns and stares down at her tea for a moment. Without looking up, she signs, <Remember how near the end of our class I was really snappy with you, and upset and stuff?>

“Yeah.”

She looks up from her tea, <Do you still want to know about that?>

Despite being utterly flummoxed about how these things are related, I also feel elated that she is ready to share this with me. I've wanted to ask so many times since we became friends, but I've held my tongue.

<Oh, I see. Is he in bad health?>

<Yeah, that wouldn't be good.>

I frown, <I'm so sorry. That sounds very hard.>

She nods and fiddles with the fabric of her napkin, <He says all I do is nag him about his health. And until I stop doing that, he doesn’t want to hear from me. I'm so worried about losing him, but it feels like I already have.> Her hands are shaking by the end of her sentence.

She starts to sniffle, but I can tell she's holding back tears.

“Shiina…please just cry if you need to. You don't have to hold back. I'm here for you. You can show me how you really feel.”

My words seem to break the dam that was holding her tears in. Her lip starts to tremble and then tears start streaming down her face in earnest. She sits back in her chair and starts to sob.

It's a sight that makes my heart ache. Before I know what I'm doing, I've moved next to her and put my arms around her. She leans into me and continues to cry. She puts her arms around me and holds me tight.

As she cries and we hold each other, I find myself feeling ashamed. Even in this situation, my heart starts thumping from being so close to her. From touching her and feeling her warmth. I also find myself thinking of how beautiful she is, even when she's crying.

I do my best to ignore those thoughts and feelings. Instead, I focus on how good it feels to help her, after how much she has helped me.

After a little while she lets go of me and sits up, giving me a bashful smile.

“Feel any better?”

She nods guiltily, <Sorry I made this about me, Rei-kun. Haru is probably still in a coma right now and here I am relying on you.>

I scoff,

She smiles,

She waves a hand at me,

<But->

She takes my hand mid-sign and my heart starts pounding again. She gives it a squeeze and smiles before letting go, <You…and your mom…and Haru, you're some of my favorite people. So I'm helping. That's that.>

<Okay. Thank you. You're one of my favorite people too.>

She smiles and gives me a wink,

I just roll my eyes at her in response, but then she signs, <Do you want me to call and check on her?>

I shake my head, <Let's wait until morning. I think we'll know more then.> Then, thinking about the vet reminds me of something, <How did you get her in to that vet so fast?>

<Oh, I just have connections.>

I laugh, <That's vague. Sounds like you're in the Yakuza.>

“Wahaha_”, <It really isn't that interesting. It's one of those six degrees of separation things.>

I narrow my eyes at her, trying to communicate that I want more information. It works.

Now she rolls her eyes at me, <If you have to know, the vet and the tech we saw are Akane's best friend's husband's parents.>

I take a minute to string all these relationships together in my head.

So, that's the husband of the woman Madoka told me about.

I nod, <I'll have to thank everyone in the chain at some point.>

By then, our barley tea is no longer cold, so I head back to the kitchen to pour some new glasses. As I do, I think about things with a smile.

I'm one of her favorite people. That's so nice to hear. And she's finally confiding in me.

It's amazing she was so willing to drop everything for Haru and I. And help us so much. I don't know what I would have done without her today.

The only bad part is I think I'm falling even more deeply in love with her.

The next day, Shiina goes with me to check on Haru.

When the vet brings her into the examination room, she looks and sounds like her usual self. Complete with her whole range of crazy different chirps. Unfortunately, that also means she’s very anxious to be somewhere that isn’t her home.

I’m so happy when I see her that I reach out, pick her up, and hug her to my chest, prompting the usual chirps out of her. Normally she’d be super annoyed about me snuggling her on my own terms like this, but she’s clearly been through a lot, since she starts purring in my arms.

With a smile on his face, the vet starts explaining things while Shiina signs, <She has already made a full recovery. She shouldn’t have any major ill effects as long as you stick to her new treatment plan. I know it’s a lot but->

“That’s fine. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

The vet nods, <Okay. You can get her new medication and food when you check out.> The vet turns to leave the room.

“Thank you, sir. I was really scared and…you definitely saved her life a-and, I couldn’t be any more thankful.”

He turns back around and smiles at me, <It’s no problem. I was happy to help.>

After he leaves, I put Haru back down on the table as I turn to ready her carrier. When I turn around, she's purring and happily rubbing herself against a very happy Shiina.

I’m just sitting down to write the ending to my story. My rough draft is almost complete, and that’s good – because the final draft is due in about two weeks.

I take a deep breath, open my Word document, and start typing.

Anzu pleaded with Sayuri, “But…I love you. I don’t want you to go away!”

She shook her head with a blank expression, devoid of its usual effervescence, “I’m sorry. I’m starting a new job in the countryside, and I have to leave tomorrow. You’ve already completed your studies. You no longer have need of me.”

She turned away coldly. In that moment, Anzu thought her heart might explode if she let her leave. So she did the only thing she could.

She rushed up to Sayuri and hugged her around the waist from behind. The older woman stopped in her tracks.

Tears ran down her face as Anzu said, “P-please…why are you treating me like this? You told me you loved me. W-we’ve…made love. And now you want to leave me? What did I do wrong?”

Sayuri sighed. She turned around and placed her hand on the cheek of her former lover. “I heard you’re getting married to Count Ishijo in the Spring. Is it true?”

Anzu bit her lip as her tears continued to flow, “I-it is true. But only because I have to for my family.”

Sayuri moved away from Anzu and with acid in her voice she asked, “So…who is really leaving whom?”

“I'm not leaving you! I want to bring you with me. As my teacher. And adviser. And also…much more.” Anzu stumbled forward, and gripped Anzu's kimono sleeve, “Please, Sayuri. I don’t want to be without you.”

Sayuri looked down at the ground, where her tears started to gather, “I'm sorry. I can't. If your husband o-or anyone ever found out-”

“No one will find out!”

She sighs, and places a hand on Anzu's cheek, “You can't promise that. I'm so sorry. I don't want you to get hurt, or lose your position in society because of me. This…has to be goodbye. It breaks my heart to say. Because I love you very much. But that's how it is.”

Anzu wanted to fight back. She wanted to argue with Sayuri like in the earliest days of their relationship. Tell her she's being an idiot. But she couldn't. For once, it was Anzu who was being naively optimistic and Sayuri who was the realist.

Being together would endanger their very lives, and Anzu didn't want anything to happen to Sayuri.

Anzu gathered herself, and wiped away her tears on her kimono sleeve, “Y-you're right.” She took Sayuri's hand in hers, "But…will you stay with me one more night?”

Sayuri briefly hesitated, but then she nodded. Anzu took her hand, and they took a seat at the table where they have shared many cups of tea over the last several months.

There was silence as Anzu thought for a few minutes. She wanted to tell Sayuri what she meant to her. But she had to gather her thoughts. She was thankful that Sayuri was being so patient. Once she felt she had formulated everything she wanted to say. She locked eyes with the woman that she loved.

“You taught me English. Something that will help me in this changing world of ours. But it's how you taught me to look at the world that I'll always remember. Before I met you…I had a negative outlook about everything. My world was gray. But now I can see color. You helped me come out of my shell and be a real person. I'll always, always love you.”

Sayuri smiled at Anzu and took her hand, “I'm so honored by your love. And to know I helped you. You're a beautiful, bright, kind-hearted woman and the whole world deserves you. Rest assured, for the rest of my life, you won't be far from my mind.”

Sayuri and Anzu, now both in tears, embraced each other for the final time. Both wishing that their time together could stretch on forever.

FIN

After saving the file, I close my laptop and wipe away my tears. I know I wrote these characters and they aren’t real people. But I still hurt for them. It sucks to give them such a sad ending, but it's realistic. I think having them be together in the shadows would be even worse than the ending I wrote.

What matters is that their love will endure in their hearts, even if they can't be together. And they both changed one another for the better.

I wish I had the kind of courage that Anzu does. Even in a world where she could be killed just because of who she loves, she told Sayuri her feelings. And they had a relationship while they could.

I don't even have that kind of courage in modern Japan. That's probably why I wrote her that way.

Author's Note:

If you've read Yamaku: The Place Where Dreams Come True, this is the same vet clinic that Daiki and Nagisa visit with Tortie, the campus cat.

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Mon Jun 30, 2025 3:02 pm

I just woke up with butterflies in my stomach. As I get out of bed and look out my window, I see the trees starting to change to yellow. It's certainly an early fall scene.

And it's a very special day, because the book with my story in it hits the shelves today. I'm very excited about that. Also a little nervous, because it means my mom is finally going to find out about my feelings for Shiina.

The publisher sent me a few copies, and I'll give one to her and tell her everything tonight after dinner. Or maybe I'll let her read it first. Either way, it will be nice telling someone about my feelings.

Shiina and I have continued spending time together one or two times a week. Sometimes at the cafe, sometimes she comes over to the apartment. It's been really nice.

Between spending time with her and Madoka, I've somehow become more social since losing the ability to understand speech. Of course, that bar was pretty freaking low.

I'm actually going to the cafe with Shiina this evening. As always, I'm very excited to see her.

…

Shiina and I are at the cafe. After our usual greetings, she says something I didn't expect at all.

<So, your story came out today->

Oh. God.

I interrupt her, <How do you know about that?>

Shit. Shit shit shit.

<Yeah. It did come out. But you don't need to read it or anything. I'm sure you're really, really busy! In fact, you should definitely not read it ever !>

Shiina just smiles at me even though I'm self-destructing in a big way. Her smile seems a little different than usual somehow. But I can't put my finger on it.

She scratches her cheek for a moment and then tentatively signs, <I…already read it. I had the day off. So I went and got it this morning.>

I'm so overwhelmed by what she said that I am at a loss for words. I can't form them. Not with my mouth or my hands. Everything around me feels hazy.

If she read it, then…she knows…

I get vivid flashes of a terrible memory of mine - a girl calling me disgusting and throwing torn shreds of paper at me.

I feel tears welling up. And I have a terrible feeling in my stomach. A mixture of nausea, panic, and abject fear.

My body and my mind are telling me to do one thing. And I have to listen. I have to protect myself.

Run!

I get up and leave the cafe without saying or signing another word to Shiina, making my way back to our apartment as fast as I can.

Once home, I feel relieved to be back in the safety of my apartment. I lean against the door with an exhausted sigh. But then I hear my mom making dinner, and the feelings from before convert into hot, boiling rage.

I clench my fists and head to the kitchen to scream at her, “WHY DID YOU TELL HER ABOUT MY STORY!?”

My startled mother winces at my raised voice, <Calm down.>

“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!? THIS IS LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?”

My legs get weak, so I fall to my knees and sob, much to my embarrassment. My mom gets on her knees and tries to hug me. I resist at first, slapping her hands away, because I feel too angry to let her touch me. But she keeps trying and I eventually let her. As I cry in my mother's arms, I remember the last time a girl found out I wrote something about her.

…

I had a really big crush on the girl who sat in front of me in middle school. Her name was Mako. She was always very nice to me. And basically no one was nice to me. Not to the weird tomboy in the corner who rarely spoke to anyone. But she always asked me how I was doing, and what I did over the weekend. She even defended me from bullies a few times. She made me feel normal.

Mako had such a cute face. And long, fluffy black hair. She had light brown eyes that were almost…golden.

I hadn't realized they had that in common until now.

The moment I met her was when I first realized I was gay. And then she was so nice to me that I couldn't help but fall for her.

That's when I first started writing. We were writing poetry in class, so I wrote…I don't know, two dozen poems about her in my notebook. Poems about how beautiful she was. Poems about how I wanted to be by her side forever. Poems about how I wanted to hold her, and stroke her hair.

I never planned to show them to her. Or anyone. They were just a way for me to express how I felt about her. To get it out. I always kept the notebook with me to make sure no one would ever see them. Little did I know, always carrying a notebook around and closely guarding it just makes people more interested in it.

One day I wasn't careful. It was chicken karaage day in the cafeteria, and I was really excited. I left class in a hurry so I could get some before it ran out.

But in my excitement, I left my notebook behind. When I realized, I rushed back to the classroom. But I was too late. And it was worse than I could ever have imagined.

The popular girls, including Mako, always ate lunch together in the classroom. And they were reading my poems out loud and laughing. I was horrified. As I stood outside the classroom, petrified by fear, I listened to what they said about me.

“I knew she was in love with you, Mako. Didn't I tell you? That pathetic little freak wants to hold you.”

I held my breath and clenched my fists, hoping Mako would defend me. I didn't have any illusions that she would like me and declare her love for me. Why would anyone ever feel that way about me ?

But she was a nice, decent person. I at least thought she'd say that the other girls were being too mean and that they should put my notebook back.

But she didn't.

Mako sighed, “I know. You were right. I just…I didn't think girls could really like other girls. It's so… disgusting .” She made a gagging noise and then said, “I don't ever want to talk to her again. I'm going to ask the teacher to move my seat because I don't feel safe being near her. Who knows what she might try to do to me!?”

I held my breath and listened to every word. And when she finished, despite my best efforts to hold in my tears, I started sobbing in the hallway. I felt devastated and heartbroken. Not only had a secret I was ashamed of been found out. I had also lost the only person at school who was nice to me. She hated me now.

But things got even worse.

The girls heard me in the hall. So they came out into the hallway and laughed at me while hurling slurs. Mako took my notebook, tore all the pages out of it, ripped them in half, and threw them in my face while repeating what she said in the classroom.

“Don't ever talk to me again! You're disgusting!”

By the end of the day everyone at school knew I was gay. And the bullying got worse than it had ever been. Other girls left mean notes in my shoe locker. Some wrote slurs on my desk. Others pushed me in the hallways.

Teachers didn't do anything significant to stop it. The next day, I went to one teacher I really trusted and admired and asked what I should do. To my horror, she said I brought it all on myself and that I should just ‘straighten out.’

I tried to just go to school and pretend it had never happened. But no one else was willing to do that. Every day after that was the same hell as the first day. After a few days of trying my hardest, I stopped going to school.

I wouldn't tell my mom what happened. And she was okay with that for a while. She could tell I was really upset and let me stay home because of that.

I didn't want to tell her. I was so afraid she would react the same way as Mako or my teacher did if she knew about me. And I couldn’t survive that. Not my mom looking down on me. Not when she was the most important person in the world to me.

But one day she lured me out of my room with some hamburg steaks that she would only let me have if I ate at the dinner table with her. She even held them outside my door so I could smell them. She set up a fan to blow the smell into my room. They smelled so good that I gave in and ate dinner with her for the first time in weeks.

We ate in silence. And when I was done eating, I headed for the stairs.

“Rei-chan.”

“ What , mom? I want to get back to my room.”

I had my foot on the first step when she said, “I know you do. But I just…I want you to know that whatever happened at school…whatever has you so upset. You can tell me about it. When you're ready.”

“I-it isn’t really anything. I just don't want to go anymore. It’s dumb.”

My mom locked her eyes on me, and when she did I could see how exhausted she looked. And how upset and desperate she was. I knew it was because of me.

“I love you so much Rei-chan. You know you can tell me anything, and I'll still love you. No matter what it is.”

I removed my foot from the bottom stair and sat back down at the table. I started to wring my hands.

“R-really? Even if I…killed someone?”

My mom snorted, “Did you kill someone?”

“N-no. But you said-”

“I would still love you. I would also think you needed to go to jail, but I would still love you as my daughter.”

I sighed and looked down at the table, “O-okay…it's pretty bad though. Not …murder bad but…bad.”

My mom started to look worried. But then I told her everything. That I was gay. That I liked a girl in class. That people found out and I was being bullied.

By the end she looked angry. I started to think that she was going to have the reaction I was so afraid of. That she was going to yell at me for liking girls even though I can't help it.

But then she said, “What those awful girls did is what's bad, Rei-chan. You didn't do anything wrong.”

I looked up at my mom, “R-really? You don't think…it's wrong? To be…how I am? G-gay?”

Without any hesitation, she shook her head and said, “No, I don't.”

When she told me that, I burst into relieved tears. My mom came and sat next to me and hugged me while I cried. We were already really close at this point, but now I had told her my deepest, darkest secret, and she still loved me. And she didn't think there was anything wrong with me. So we became even closer.

From then on, I did homeschooling. My mom suggested transferring schools at first, but I was just too scared. I didn't ever want to like another girl and have everyone find out. I didn't want to go through everything all over again. I didn't leave the apartment again or talk to someone other than my mother for several years.

It wasn't until university that I really went out into the world again. And even then my mom had to work very hard to convince me that it would be okay. That university would be different. And I did want to study writing, so eventually I agreed.

But I still kept everyone at arm's length. Especially girls I felt attracted to. I never wanted to like another girl again. I didn't want to feel the pain like what had happened with Mako. I didn't think I could survive it if it happened again.

And it was working.

But then…I had my accident and Ms. Mikado – Shiina – came into my life…

…

I have finally cried myself out. I sit up and my mom lets me go. I can see she has been crying too.

<I'm so sorry. I didn't know what the story was about. I haven't read it. I was just bragging. I didn't even tell her the title. She must have Googled it.>

Oh…yeah. I never let my mom see it precisely because I didn't want her to know I'm in love with Shiina. Bad move, past Reina.

I look up at my mom and she gives me a bittersweet smile, <You're in love with her? And the story is about that?>

I start to feel tears coming again, “P-pretty much, yeah. That's why it's like middle school all over again.”

My mom starts to sign something, but then shakes her head. She gets up and grabs her notebook and starts to write. After a few moments she shows me her note:

“This isn't like what happened in middle school. This is different. Shiina is a very sweet person and would never do to you what those girls did. She even has gay friends, right?”

Oh yeah. She does. If I was thinking rationally I would have realized that…Man, I really lost it there, didn't I?

I sniffle, “Well…okay. You're right it won't be as bad. B-but…I still didn't want her to know.”

My mom signs, <Why?>

“Because…even if she's fine with gay people, it doesn't mean she wants a mousy little tomboy shut-in fawning over her. Or secretly writing a love story that’s clearly about the two of us. She won't want to be my friend anymore.”

“O-oh. I…guess that's true. As soon as she said she read it I just…ran away. I couldn't help it.”

My mom grimaces, <I'm sorry. I should have checked with you before I told her.>

I sigh, “It's okay. It's all my fault. I chose to write something that is so obviously about us. And I chose to hide it from you. If I had let you read it, this wouldn't have happened.”

She nods,

I nod, “I think maybe you're right ” I sigh and stand up, “I'll…talk to her about it. But not today.”

…

The next morning when I wake up and look at my phone, I notice I have a text from Misha. It's only one simple sentence and no smiley faces.

“I hope you're doing okay.”

I sigh and respond, “I am. My mom helped. I'm sorry I left how I did. I freaked out because of…some personal stuff.”

She responds almost immediately, “It's okay. ”

“Can we meet again? I won't run away this time. I promise. I want to explain things.”

…

Later that afternoon, Shiina comes to the apartment.

To my surprise, she hugs me when she walks through the door. And it's a long hug. I enjoy the feeling of our bodies being so close, as well as her usual floral scent.

We sit down on the couch together, and I tell her everything that happened to me in middle school. She listens intently, and looks angry by the end.

She smiles mischievously, <I'm gonna go back in time and punch those girls.> She punches the air playfully.

I laugh,

She winks, <Only when they deserve it!> She punctuates her sentence with a loud, “Wahaha!”

I laugh with her, but when I come out of it, I notice she looks very serious. And a little nervous.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before nodding.

I know what she wants to ask. And she deserves to know.

I take another deep breath and nod.

She tilts her head,<Is it really how you feel? Or is it just a story? Like…are the things Anzu thinks and says about Sayuri…are they how you feel about me ?>

I look away, embarassed, <Yes. Almost exactly.>

She tilts her head a little further, <You really thought I was beautiful the moment we met?>

I give her a bashful nod as I feel my face heat up. She smiles, and I think I see her cheeks flush a little.

She narrows her eyes <But you also thought I was an annoying airhead?>

I nod.

She laughs, <But then you realized you were wrong?>

I laugh, “Yes.”

<Yes. Like I said…it's almost all exactly the same as how I feel.>

She taps her fingers on the couch for a moment, as if she's not sure what to ask next. Or whether she should ask it. But then she nods her head, looking resolved. She locks eyes with me as she signs, <Are you in love with me?>

<Yes. I am. I'm sorry. And I'm especially sorry for writing that story without your permission.>

She smiles and shakes her head with her hand to her chest, <Don't be sorry. It was a really beautiful love story. It really moved me. Even if you made the character based on me really annoying sometimes.>

I laugh, <Sorry.>

<Nope! Not upset at all.> She pauses and then fidgets for a moment before she asks, <Do you want to go out with me?>

My jaw drops and she giggles. I pull myself together and sign,

<I'm not.> She points at her face and puffs out her cheeks. <This is my serious face.>

She laughs, <1000%.>

I cross my arms and study her before signing,

She scoffs, She stops signing. Her face flushes and she looks away. I’m pretty sure my face just turned bright red too.

She really is gay. Wow. I mean it's surprising. But not as surprising as…

<You…you like me? Why?>

She nods,

I laugh wryly, <You’ll have to do better than that.>

She chews on her lip for a minute,

<Try.>

She sighs, and thinks for a minute, <Okay, well…I’ll tell you how I feel about you. Does that work?>

I nod.

<Well…first, I got closer to you than I ever have to a student. So close that I had to pull back sometimes.>

<That’s news to me.>

She laughs, <That’s because I held back! I had to talk to Akane about it because I almost crossed a line a few times.>

<Examples, please.>

She scoffs, <I almost invited you over to my place when we made that meal for your mom. And every single time you tried to get me to talk when I was upset, my instinct was to talk to you. And I wanted to text you pretty much every single day, but had to stop myself.>

I think back to all her examples, and realize that they add up.

<Wow.>

She smiles,

Ah…now it makes sense.

I sit silently, unsure how to respond.

<Oh, and you’re super cute, too! Or…handsome, if you prefer.>

Her compliments bring me out of my stupor, <Now I know you're making fun of me.>

She frowns, <Why do you think that?>

I switch to speech to make sure I get my point across, “It doesn't add up. Maybe I wrote some pretty words that made you feel a little something for me. But…you’re beautiful, fashionable, bubbly and fun. And I’m a mousy tomboy with crippling anxiety and a putrid personality. You’re just…mistaken about your feelings. You said yourself you didn’t feel that way until you read the story.”

She looks sad as she shakes her head, <Is this because of those girls too?>

I shake my head,

She looks equal parts angry and sad, with no smile to be found. Then, the angry side wins out. She knits her eyebrows and clenches her jaw as she signs, <You think I'm so stupid I don't know my own feelings?>

<That’s not what I->

<It’s what you said, Rei-kun. That I read your pretty words and I'm so stupid that they tricked me into liking you.>

I sigh, trying to think of a way to dig myself out of this hole.

She isn't stupid. I don't think that. But I DO think she's emotional and wrapped up in the story. That's the only thing that makes sense. Because no one would want to be with me.

I have a feeling if I told her that, things would get even worse, though. So, I stay silent. As I do, I see the anger fade from her face.

All I do is shake my head at her.

She shakes her head back, some of the anger from earlier flickering on her face.

She stands up and looks down at me. I look away. She walks off in a huff, and I hear the apartment door open and close.

I breathe a sigh of relief now that she's gone.

She just needs some time to think. Then she'll realize that I'm right.

unconfident · Post by **unconfident** » Mon Jun 30, 2025 4:03 pm

i think you missed a chapter, when did misha get asked out and rejected?

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Mon Jun 30, 2025 5:42 pm

unconfident wrote: Mon Jun 30, 2025 4:03 pm
i think you missed a chapter, when did misha get asked out and rejected?

Lawl you're right, I was a chapter ahead the other places I posted and I forgot. I'll fix it shortly.

Edit: Fixed now! Sorry for the spoilers.

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Mon Jun 30, 2025 5:54 pm

My mom just got home from work. The first thing she asked about was Shiina, since she knew we were meeting today.

So, I just told her everything that happened with her. To say she is annoyed with me would be an understatement.

Her eyes are practically popping out of her head as she aggressively signs, <So, she likes you too. And you…rejected her!?>

I shrug, <Kind of, I guess.>

She throws her arms up in frustration before signing, <But you love her!>

My mom looks dumbfounded, <Huh? Why? How? What?>

I sigh dramatically and then switch to speech, as this is complex enough and important enough that I want to make sure she understands.

“Mom. She's too good for me. I'll just get hurt when she realizes.”

<That’s ridiculous. She's a great girl but so are you!>

“I'm not meant to be with someone.”

“It means…I don't bring anything to the table. I'm an anxious wreck. I don't like going out. I'm terrible at talking to people. I'm a jerk. I'm just going to make her life worse . And I want her to be who she is. That's who I love. Not some version of her weighed down by her fucked up girlfriend.”

My mom frowns, She shakes her head, <Why do you always do this? Why do you think so little of yourself?>

I shrug, “I'm just realistic. I know what will happen.”

“I don't need to. I just know her and I know myself. I don't want to make her life worse. And I know I would.”

My mom clicks her tongue, <That’s not true. Give her a chance and you'll find out. And hey, if it's true you aren't right for each other you can break up! But you aren’t even trying! You're just assuming the worst.>

I roll my eyes, “Can we be done with this? I get that I didn't make the decision you wanted. But it's done. And it was my decision.”

My mom clearly isn't ready to let this go. In fact, she suddenly looks like she might cry.

<You're such an amazing girl. But you just don't see it. You never have. And I think I know why.>

I'm beyond confused by my mom's mood. And I have no idea what she means, either.

Just before I have a chance to ask what she means, she signs, <It’s because your father left, isn't it?>

My mom's surprising question hangs over us for a long moment.

We have never even gotten close to talking about this, at least not since I was very little. I stopped asking about him about 15 years ago because I could tell my mom didn't like it when I did.

I hadn't considered this consciously before. I basically never think of the man who ditched my mom when she got pregnant with me. But…maybe my mom's right. My father choosing to leave because of me certainly doesn't make me feel good about myself.

And from the way she asked it, I think my mom has thought this was the case for a long time.

<Maybe.> I decide to use this rare opening to ask about him, <So, he just left when you got pregnant?>

My mom looks very uneasy, just like she always did when I used to ask her about my dad when I was younger. Her jaw is clenched, her eyebrows are knit, and her hands are balled into fists. Her nicely manicured nails must be doing a number on her palm. She takes a deep breath and exhales. When she starts to sign again, her hands are shaking.

<He…he…didn't leave. Not exactly.>

“What!? But that's what you always said!”

My mom nods,

I cross my arms, “So…you lied to me?”

She closes her eyes for a moment and signs, <Yes. And…you’re probably old enough to know the truth. More than old enough. Especially if that lie is hurting you.> She takes another deep breath, <Give me a minute to gather my thoughts.>

I nod, and sit in silence while my mom furrows her brow and wrings her hands together. She sniffles a few times too, but as far as I can tell she hasn’t started crying. But she must still be on the verge of tears.

I consider telling my mom she doesn’t need to tell me if it’s hurting this much. It’s truly not so important to me that I want to see her so upset. But before I can she nods, locks eyes with me and starts signing.

I smile,

She closes her eyes and signs, <Don’t interrupt please. What I’m trying to say is hard and I just need to do it without stopping, otherwise I’ll lose my nerve.>

I was just trying to lighten this mood because this intensity is scaring me. But I guess I shouldn't. Some things are supposed to be intense.

Since her eyes are still closed, I respond verbally, “Okay, sorry.”

She opens her eyes and I see a tear fall down her cheek. She takes a deep breath,

She pauses with her hands balled into fists in front of her, and now I notice a few more tears on her face.

She closes her eyes again and takes a deep breath, more tears fall down her cheeks. When she opens her eyes again, her hands are shaking more than ever before and her lip is trembling so much that if she were using her mouth to speak, I don’t think she would be able to.

<What I'm saying is…I was sleeping with several different men. For money. I don’t even know who your father is. I’m so sorry I lied to you for so long.> Her hands drop and she bursts into tears. She falls forward on the table and cries into her arms.

I'm certainly surprised by what I just learned. But my first instinct is to comfort my mother, who I have never once seen this upset.

I immediately get up and move to the chair next to her. I put my arms around her and pull her over to me. She cries into my chest.

She held this inside for so long. But she didn't need to.

When she starts to calm down enough that I know she can hear me I say, “You once told me that you would love me no matter what I did. I feel the same. I love you, mom.”

She sniffles and pulls back from me so she can sign, <But it’s my fault you don't have a dad. And then I lied and made it sound like some man rejected you. And that means it's my fault you feel bad about yourself.>

I shake my head, <I don't blame you for anything. I don't even know if that's really why I'm like this. But…it looks like you and I are doing the same thing to ourselves. You think really badly about yourself because of all this, don't you?>

She shakes her head, but it isn't very convincing.

I roll my eyes, <You just ruined your make up crying.> She puts her hand to face to confirm my assertion and then frowns.

After thinking for a moment I say, “This is why you don't let anyone fuss over you, isn’t it? You think you wronged me and that you don’t deserve it. Or that you're a bad person or something who doesn't deserve to be treated well. But you're not. You're the best mom I could ever have. And everyone who meets you knows you're amazing too.”

My mom shakes her head and looks away from me.

It isn't much, but shaking her head about that proves she thinks badly about herself for what happened back then. I’ll just spell it out to her.

“Mom, you raised me all alone when you were barely more than a kid yourself. You worked your ass off to provide for us. You accepted me when I came out. You've supported me through getting bullied, having mental health struggles, all of it. You learned sign language for me. You still financially support me and make all of my food and I'm almost 23. And that's just what you've done for me . I don't care how I was conceived or who my dad is. But I care about you and I love you . More than anyone. You're the best mom any one could ever have.” I take a deep breath, “And…we should...both try not to think so little of ourselves.”

My mom sits in silence as she processes everything I said. After a moment she exhales deeply and takes my hand with a small smile, her face still tear-stained. Then she signs, <You're right. About all of it. But I'll only move on if you go on a date with Shiina.>

I can't help but laugh at the jarring tonal shift. But it's cathartic. The woman still has tear stains on her face. Her voice is raw from crying. But now that my mom is on me about this again, I know she's feeling a little better.

My mom claps happily and hugs me.

As I hug her back, I realize it feels really good to have helped her for once.

The next morning when I wake up, I grab my phone, hoping to have a text from Shiina. I do most mornings since we became friends. But I don't have one today. I'm not sure what I expected after being kind of a jerk yesterday.

I consider texting her for a moment, but I shake my head at myself.

Maybe she doesn't even want to talk to me. I don't want to bother her.

I am surprised when I see that I have a text from someone else though – Madoka. We don't text much other than arranging times to meet at the cafe.

“Hey, how are you?”

I reply, “I'm okay. You?”

“I'm good. I heard what happened with Misha.”

I sigh loudly to myself. I should have known the word would get out in my shockingly small social circle. But I really don't want to talk about it. She's probably just gathering intel for Shiina anyway.

I decide to just ignore her for now. As I'm about to set my phone down, it vibrates with a new message from her.

“I get it if you don’t want to talk. But I just wanted to say I'm here for you, if you do. And I also support you. Do what's best for you…is all I wanted to say. Okay, I'll shut up now.”

I smile as I read her text. She really is my friend, if she's saying that.

I reply with a “Thank you. I'll talk to you about it soonish.”

Now feeling new motivation to reach out to Shiina, I lay back down and start texting her.

“Good morning. I'm sorry for trying to tell you how you felt yesterday. And for refusing to talk to you about us. It wasn't fair of me.”

I read it over once and hit send. Just as I'm about to get up, my phone vibrates in my hand. I have a text from her.

“Whatever.”

I blink several times at the uncharacteristic response. This is the shortest and least animated she's ever been with me. In person, in text message, or otherwise.

Well…I guess that's it then. My next story should be about how to make a girl go from asking confessing to hating you in half a day.

Step 1: Call her stupid.

Step 2: Refuse to talk to her.

Okay, it would be a pretty short book.

I let out a wry laugh, set my phone down, sigh, and take my glasses off and rub my eyes. As I do, I hear my phone vibrate. I put my glasses back on quickly.

“By the way, if one of us is an airhead, it's you. Get it right in your next story.”

I let out a relieved laugh. Sure, she's insulting me. Which is not very Shiina-like, but at least she's talking to me.

“Okay. I will. It wouldn’t be believable though. Anzu would have to be the biggest airhead who ever lived to reject Sayuri.”

“THAT'S for sure. Sayuri is so beautiful.”

I laugh again, glad that she's playing along with this.

“She really is. The most beautiful girl in the world, I think. I especially like her golden eyes.”

“Wait, doesn't she have dark eyes?”

I sigh to myself.

Okay, she wasn't getting it after all. Maybe she IS a bit of an airhead. But…I love that part of her too.

“Nope. The most beautiful girl in the world has golden eyes, wears her light brown hair in a shaggy bob that frames her pretty face, always wears a heart barette, and has a really cute laugh.”

Her immediate response is a million blushing emojis, making me laugh.

“I really am sorry I tried to tell you how you feel. And I was an idiot to turn you down. I'm the dumb one. If you still want to go out with me, in spite of my stupidity, I would love to go out with you.”

“Jeez, you really are good with words. I really want to say yes. But I think we need to talk it out in person first.”

It's the next day. Shiina is coming by the apartment after she finishes with her student for the day. I haven't been very productive myself. I wanted to brainstorm some new story ideas, but I can't focus.

I am encouraged that she wants to meet. And I want to date her. But I'm also really scared in so many ways.

Scared she'll reject me now that she knows I'm even more damaged than she thought.

But also scared she won't reject me and that we'll get together and then I really will hurt her. Or she'll hurt me.

Also scared of the whole idea of dating. I've never even gotten close to that world. My writing is the closest I've been.

My phone alarm goes off, and I'm thankful for the distraction. It's time to check Haru's blood sugar.

I grab her diabetes-friendly treats, the lancets and the blood glucose monitor, and head upstairs to my bedroom.

It's taken some getting used to for both of us, but now this is a pretty routine process.

When I enter the room, she stands up on the bed and gives me an excited chirp. I shake the treat bag and she sits down and gives me a demanding meow. I chuckle at her and sit down next to her.

I pet her a few times and put a couple of treats in front of her. When she starts munching on them, I gently fold her ear back, and place the lancet over her bare skin and hit the button. A tiny needle shoots out and pricks her ear, drawing some blood. Haru doesn't even respond, which always surprises me. I guess cats don't have a ton of feeling in their ears.

Then I get a test strip out and put it in the blood sugar monitor. I put some of Haru's blood on it, and wait for the number to display.

The number 140 shows on the screen, along with a green light to let me know that's a good level. I'm relieved, because giving her insulin is more of an ordeal and she's not the biggest fan. I've had to do it about twice a week, and it involves a much bigger needle jabbing into her skin behind her shoulders. She definitely feels it, and is never very happy with me afterwards.

For the most part, though, her new food seems to be keeping her blood sugar at a good level.

After she finishes her treats, she rubs up against me before laying down in my lap.

I smile down at her, as she purrs happily.

My mom got me Haru not long after I stopped going to school. And since I was always home, the two of us quickly became very close. I actually feel even closer to her now that she's got health problems, just because I can relate.

Her life suddenly changed one day because of her health. Just like mine. And now she has these new limitations. And she was even in a coma.

But we're both doing our best and things are going just fine.

There's a knock on the door, and Haru bolts upright and hides under my bed.

I laugh, “It's only Shiina. You like her! Scaredy cat.”

Although, perhaps she could sense how rapidly my heart just started beating.

Of course, she doesn't understand that I'm teasing her, and she remains under the bed.

…

Shiina and I are sitting on the couch together. We made some small talk, but now there's an awkward silence.

When she came in today, she didn't give me a long hug like she did last time we talked. Just a smile, and now she seems very guarded. I can guess what she wants to talk about, but I'm also not sure I should assume. So I'm just waiting for her to get the ball rolling.

Although, if we sit around awkwardly like this for much longer I might have to do something.

Just as I'm considering how to bring up the topic she asks, <It’s okay if I ask questions today?>

I nod, <Yes. I won't shut down like the other day.>

Probably.

She nods and narrows her eyes, <Can you explain what you meant when you said you aren't meant to be with someone?>

Straight to the point. I guess it's good to get it out of the way. After all, why would she want to be with someone who doesn't think they deserve love?

I shift in my chair,

Shiina nods, clearly wanting me to divulge some more.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

I just have to tell her. Be completely honest.

Shiina furrows her brow for a moment, <So you don't feel that way anymore? What changed?>

I reach my arm out, then jerk it back awkwardly before reaching it out again and placing it on her hand, “I’m going to try my hardest not to think that way. That's…all I can say. I can't promise it won't ever come up again. So I understand if you-”

She moves her hand out from under mine, making my heart sink. I knew it might not be enough. But at least I was honest. I'm not magically going to have a super positive self-image. All I can do is try my best.

But then, she gives me the warm smile I haven't seen much of lately and she starts to sign.

<I'm not perfect either, you know.> Her smile becomes more of a smirk, <I'm a bit of an airhead, after all.>

I laugh and she continues, <We both have our flaws. But so does any couple. And air heads and anxious people deserve love too, okay!>

<You're right.>

Now she's absolutely beaming. She asks the same thing she asked a few days ago, <Will you want to go out with me?>

Her smile alone makes me feel warm in my chest, <Yes. I want to. Very much.>

Somehow her smile gets even brighter, <Saturday night. My place. I'm making you dinner. Okay?>

I nod, with a tempest of anxiety and excitement swirling in my stomach.

She takes my hand in hers. I notice there's just a hint of pink on her cheeks.

She gives my hand a squeeze and lets go so she can sign, She gives me a playful wink, <As long as you promise not to get married to Count Ishijo.>

I laugh and shake my head at her joke. She knows my story so well. More importantly, she knows me so well. The real me. And she still wants to be with me.

The happiness I feel right now…just might be the best feeling in the world.

I just hope I don't mess it up.

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Sun Jul 20, 2025 11:23 am

I just got home and told my mom the news about my date with Shiina. After jumping around victoriously all over the living room, she has settled down and now seems to be plotting something.

She rolls her eyes,

She rolls her eyes, <It’s my daughter's first date. It’s very exciting. I'll find room in the budget.>

I look down at the tattered black hoodie that is one of two almost identical black hoodies I have worn every single time I’ve been around Shiina.

I probably SHOULD get a new outfit for this. If I show up in what I always wear, she won't think I'm trying. And I do want to try.

<Fine. But you know I'm not trying on anything girly, right?>

My mother scoffs, <Of course I do. Give me more credit as your mother. When's the last time I tried to get you to wear a dress or skirt?>

<Exactly. We'll stay with the kind of clothes you like. But there are clothes other than hoodies, sweetie. And…maybe we can get you some contacts?>

I sigh. This is quickly sounding really annoying. I pointedly push them up my nose, <You don't like my glasses?>

My mom shrugs, <They’re fine. But don’t you want her to see a different side of you?>

This is such a new sensation. I actually really care about how I look for the first time in…ever, maybe? It's stressful.

I do want this date to go well. And my mom knows more about this kind of thing than I do. She looks like she's going on a first date every day of her life. Meanwhile, I eternally look like I just woke up from a nap.

I grumble, “I guess so. F-fine.”

<We can get you a haircut too. Yay!> She claps her hands excitedly.

I have cut my own hair since middle school. I don't style it or anything. Just cut it enough to stay out of my eyes. My mom's been trying to get me to get a real haircut for a long time.

This time, she's going to win.

I sigh, <At this point, it's sounding like a makeover.>

<That’s because it is!>

What have I gotten myself into? I probably need this. But I wish this could all be over after a three minute montage, like in the movies.

It’s the next day. My mom and I are out shopping for my date with Shiina. My mom is beyond excited. I've found myself enjoying it more than I expected. Now that I actually care how I look, the possibilities are kind of exciting.

My mom and I are in the dressing room. I'm currently wearing a flannel shirt over a t-shirt, and I think I like it. These layered looks still make me feel casual, safe, and cozy, but it's several steps above wearing a tattered old hoodie when it comes to aesthetics.

“I like this. Maybe more button up shirts like this?”

My mom's been wearing a smile all day. She nods and heads out to find me more shirts.

After she returns, I try on some others and feel really good about them. But then I notice my mom is studying me thoughtfully.

“You don't like this one?”

She ignores me, <We Kato women have great rear ends.>

I feel my face flush immediately and I prepare to berate my mom for saying something so weird.

<Sorry, but it's just a fact! I'm just saying…some tighter, high-waisted jeans would really accentuate that feature.>

I sigh, feeling defeated, but also curious, “F-fine.”

My mom runs off excitedly, as I look at my butt in the mirror. It's honestly not something I've ever really done before. For about the tenth time today, I realize I haven't ever cared very much whether I look attractive to people, but that has definitely changed.

I guess my butt is kind of nice. It's like…plump and soft. But not too plump. And it has a nice peach shape. It sticks out more than my boobs, that's for sure. But I'm kind of glad, because I like wearing guy's clothes anyway. This button-up shirt wouldn't work as well if I had big boobs.

My mom returns with a pair of jeans to try on, and when I put them on, I see what she meant. The high waist makes my waist look smaller, which makes my butt even more prominent. They aren't the most comfortable jeans ever but…for once comfort isn't the number one thing on my mind when choosing an outfit.

I want Shiina to like my butt.

God, I can't believe I just thought that.

I look at my mom, “Thank you. They look good.”

My mom looks me up and down and nods,

I sigh and shake my head,

She giggles, <Sorry.>

…

The next stop is my hair cut. I feel kind of like a child, having my mom with me when I'm so old. But the truth is this would be doable, but much more challenging without her as an interpreter.

I'm sitting in the chair now, while my mom and the stylist are chatting to my side. No doubt my mom is explaining the situation.

The stylist has short hair too, which puts me at ease about what she might want to do. Her hair is way prettier than mine though. It's short but also fluffy and wavy. The back and sides are shorter, and the top is brushed back.

Then, the stylist turns to me with a smile. She says, “Bzbzbzjbz.” My mom starts signing, but I don't look at her because I think I understood. From the context, the few words I lipread, and her hand gestures, I figure out that she said, “Is it okay if I touch your hair?”

“Y-yeah, go ahead.”

She nods, and starts feeling and touching my hair. Nodding to herself as she does. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable. She says something else, but this time I don't see her lips because she's behind me. I look to my mom, who translates.

I'm not 100% sure what volume even is, but-

“C-can short hair have volume?”

She nods, and then gestures to her own hair with a smile.

“C-can my hair actually look like that ? It looks so good.”

She laughs and gives me a nod.

How lame would it be if I asked for the same hair cut?

My mom smiles, <Do you want it like hers?>

I nod bashfully while my mom relays the information. It’s a little less embarrassing when I don't have to actually say the words.

…

My hair cut is finished, and I'm more than a little amazed that this is really my hair. It's got so much more texture and personality now. The shorter back and sides really make the top look very voluminous. We ended up deciding to part mine to the side, instead of brushing it back like hers.

The stylist looks very proud of her work, and I don't blame her.

I'm able to read her lips when she asks, “What do you think?”

“Wh-what is this hair cut called?”

She says something I can't understand, and my mom slowly fingerspells, “Parted…undercut.”

I nod to her, “Thank you. I really like it.”

She nods and looks completely overjoyed by my response. This lady is almost as excited as my mom about this. My hair must have looked really bad.

My mom translates as she says, <It looks great on you. Come back any time.>

…

My mom and I are at the cafe, just having a snack and some coffee before we head home.

That was the plan, anyway. As often happens when she tries to come here as a customer, she ended up helping her employees who are dealing with a rush.

However, as she's heading back to our table now that things have died down, she stops to talk to someone. Not a coworker, but a customer who is seated. He gestures to her, making it clear he would like it if she sat with him. My mother politely says no and points in my direction, but then the two start chatting. They both have big smiles and laugh together several times. I realize I've seen her laughing and smiling with this man before, back during the first field trip.

He's a well put together man in his 40s. At first I thought he was a salaryman, but now that I look at him more closely, he has a more relaxed and less stuffy vibe. He's wearing a navy blue blazer but no tie, and he has longer hair than you see on most men from his generation, hanging almost to his shoulders.

I find myself smiling as I watch them talk, because my mom looks like she's having a nice time. Eventually though, their conversation ends, and she comes back to our table.

When she greets me, I respond with only a smile. It makes her uneasy.

<What?>

She turns bright red, confirming my suspicions.

<Stop! He's right there.>

My mom laughs, <No. But it’s awkward.> She sighs, <I'll talk about him. But wait until we get home.>

…

We just walked in the door of the apartment. Unable to contain myself anymore, I blurt out, "Romance is one of those things you weren't letting yourself have, isn't it? I mean…you haven't had a boyfriend or anything my whole life.”

She nods, <When I got pregnant with you, I told myself I would just focus on you. And do everything I could to give you a great life.>

“Mom…thank you, but-”

I nod, relieved that she's trying to change.

<I've just been so focused on the cafe and being a mom for so long that…I kind of neglected that part of myself. I mean, men have asked me out before->

I laugh, “Of course they have. It's that Kato family butt.”

My mom laughs, looking pleasantly surprised I'm bringing that up. I'm a little surprised too, but I knew it would cheer her up.

<Anyway, I've never really wanted to say yes to any of them. That guy - Kaz - has been a regular at the cafe for a long time. He asked me out once about a year ago, and I considered it for a while, but said ‘no’ to him too.>

I take my mom's hand, “Well…you should consider it more if you like him. You deserve love too. Just like me. And I know I'm a mess-”.

She clicks her tongue in protest.

“-but I'll be okay if you spend more time dating and stuff.”

My mom sighs and then nods, <You're right. It's scary but…I should put myself out there more. Try it, at least. After all…you are.>

I nod, “And I can even give you a makeover! I'll cut your hair.”

My mom laughs and rolls her eyes, <Speaking of, why don't you try on a few of those outfits with the new haircut? We can choose which one is best for your date.>

I sigh, feigning annoyance. But the truth is I'm pretty anxious about what I should go with, and her input will help.

…

We ended up choosing the flannel, t-shirt, and high-waisted jeans.

My mom asks, <So, what do you think, now that you have the outfit and the new haircut together?>

I look at myself in the mirror and what I see is a little startling. For the first time since I can remember…

Art by Lucio Neru

“I really like how I look. Thank you, mom.”

My mom hugs me from behind and says something I can't understand, but it's not hard to figure out that she's saying ‘you're welcome’ and ‘I love you.’

I'm standing in front of Shiina's apartment door. My heart is beating so fast and hard that I can feel it in my head. But it isn't like it usually is, when my heart does this. There are some positive feelings mixed in with the anxiety. I'm excited. Really excited.

I take a deep breath and knock on the door.

She opens the door and looks me up and down several times and then signs, <Wow!>

I laugh nervously, <Is that a good ‘wow?’>

She smiles and nods energetically, <A very good wow.>

In an instant, she says, <Come in,> and takes my hand and jerks me inside before I have a chance to do it myself. She leads me by the hand without letting me even get my bearings or look around.

Before I know it, we're in the kitchen.

She places me in front of a cutting board with a very familiar vegetable on it.

Scallions.

“Wh-what!?”

She grins,

Only now do I notice that she's dressed a little bit differently than usual too. I have really only seen her in her work outfits, and what she's wearing now definitely isn't one she would wear to teach. I've never seen so much of her skin.

She has on a pink pleated skirt that goes just below her knees and a white top that has a plunging neckline, showing more than a hint of cleavage. She looks so good that I find myself staring. After a moment, I panic and pull my eyes away from her chest. When I look up at her face, she thankfully doesn't seem to have noticed my lingering eyes.

For some reason, I blurt out, “You look really nice!”

This gets a cute “Wahaha_” and a wink out of her, and then she signs, <Thank you. Flattery won't save you from the scallions, though.>

Oh man. I completely forgot I was standing in front of this cutting board. She has me all out of sorts.

As I look down at the scallions and the knife, I try to pull myself together.

Wait a minute…

She winks, <’Punishing’ is such a strong word!>

I narrow my eyes, <You're not really denying it, though.>

She laughs, She puffs out her cheeks and pouts,

That pout makes me want to do anything for her. I'm in trouble here.

Her pout turns into a mischievous grin, <But yes, I did decide you should chop the scallions because of what you said that day.>

She nods and then comes to my side and puts the knife in my hand, and then guides it over the scallions. Then she presses down on my hand holding the knife, and it cuts about a 6 centimeter piece.

Somehow I thought it would be more complicated than…literally just cutting them. But I guess it’s pretty straightforward.

“Okay. I can do that.”

She gives my hand a little squeeze and then gets out another cutting board next to me. She puts some steak on it, which she starts cutting into thin strips. It's a small kitchen, so we're almost shoulder to shoulder.

She can't really communicate with me while her hands are busy, but she looks over at me and gives me an encouraging nod every now and then. I find I really like doing this next to her. This little kitchen and the sounds of our knives on the cutting boards feels like the whole world, for just a moment.

After we both finish, she shows me how to assemble each negimaki. You take a piece of scallion and put it on the strip of meat, and then roll the meat around the scallion. We make 8 of them.

Once again, this is much easier than I imagined.

Okay, surely this part will be hard.

Shiina gets out a pan and puts some sesame oil in it. It warms up a little. Then she puts the negimaki in it, and covers the pan.

<That’s it?>

She shrugs, <Mostly. A couple more little steps. Not complicated enough for you?>

I laugh,

She nudges me with her hip and gives me a wink, <It’s because I'm such a good teacher.>

I laugh, <That's true.>

After a few minutes, she uncovers the negimaki and turns them over. As she watches them, she guides me through mixing mirin and soy sauce together. Then, we pour that mixture into the pan.

Just then, her rice cooker chimes and she puts two servings on plates. Not long after that, the negimaki are done and we sit down to eat together.

As I enjoy the delicious pepperiness of the scallions along with the marinated meat, I'm transported back to the last time I had this meal, and I feel pretty embarrassed.

She smiles, <That’s okay. You tried it for me in the end. And you liked it! Your mom said that's more than she could ever get you to try.>

I feel my cheeks flush when I realize how childish the truth sounds.

Shiina taps her fingers on the table a few times and narrows her eyes, <I've been wondering…when did you first know you had feelings for me? Like, is that why you tried the negimaki that day?>

I shake my head,

<So, when?>

She frowns, <I'll apologize for being a jerk this time.>

I laugh,

She beams at me, <Yes, we sure are.> She rests her chin on her hand and gazes at me across the table for a long moment, with an expression I don't quite recognize. She does it for so long that I start to feel nervous.

Finally, she breaks the silence,

Now my face is absolutely burning. So much that the only way I can respond is with a flustered nod.

She's still gazing at me with the same look. I guess I'd describe it as…happy, maybe? But there's a different air to it. She also seems very relaxed and…content in all things.

There's two things I know for sure, though. No one's ever looked at me that way before, and I like it when she looks at me that way.

<Well, I appreciate it.>

<I…really like your outfit too.>

She smiles,

I swallow so hard there's an audible gulp sound. At least…audible to me. And I've been blushing for so long now that my face is numb.

<Sorry.>

She smiles, <Don't be. You can look. Just like you dressed like that for me, I dressed like this for you.> She juts her chest out and gives me a look that says, ‘Go ahead, look.’

I find my eyes drifting to her chest again. But then I get embarrassed and look away.

She giggles and lets out what I can only describe as a contented sigh, and then stands up. <Let's do the dishes. Then we'll watch a movie.>

While we're cleaning up, Shiina's cell phone starts ringing. I'm closer to it, so I hand it to her. She looks at the display and frowns, <It's my dad.>

<Isn't it good that he's reaching out?>

She shrugs, <Hard to say. He might just be calling to yell at me.>

I want to tell her that she should answer, that maybe it would be good to talk things out.

She puts it down and gives me a hug, <I'm on a very important first date, so I don't feel like talking to him.>

Tough to argue with that when she's hugging me like this.

…

She shows me the DVD case, it says “Chutney Popcorn,” in English. I feel more than a little mystified, as I don't even know what the first word means. But I'm not going to object.

She puts the DVD in the player, and then comes and sits next to me on the couch. I'm a little surprised, but also very happy when she immediately nuzzles into me, resting her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her, and she giggles and nuzzles in even more, and puts her arms around my waist.

I do my best to pay attention to the movie while also enjoying the very new and very pleasant sensation of Shiina's warm, soft body against mine.

I'm surprised when the movie has a lesbian protagonist. She's a first generation American whose parents emigrated from India. Apparently ‘chutney’ is an Indian condiment, one she likes to eat with her popcorn.

The movie focuses on her struggling to be accepted as a lesbian by her very traditional parents. When her older sister is struggling to have kids with her husband, she volunteers as a surrogate, and that helps bring the family back together. In the last scene, the main character and her girlfriend are having dinner with the whole family.

Shiina, who remained snuggled into me throughout the whole movie sits up when it's over, <So, what did you think?>

Shiina nods, <Madoka says they aren't super mainstream, but there are lots of low-budget indy ones, like this one!>

<I'd like to watch more. I am glad this one had Japanese subtitles.>

Shiina smiles, <You can thank Madoka for that.>

“Huh?”

Shiina looks confused. She points at the TV, <She…did those subtitles.>

I repeat, “Huh?”

Shiina laughs, <That’s her job. She does Japanese subtitles for American DVDs. I assumed you knew.>

We've actually never talked about our jobs. I was embarrassed to bring it up since I only sort of have one.

<That’s cool! Did she do any more lesbian movies?>

<No. This is literally the only one. It's the movie she's most proud of. So yeah, you can thank her for the movie!> She looks back toward the kitchen and laughs, <She gave me the negimaki recipe too. So you can thank her for the whole date!> She smiles mischievously, <Maybe you should be going out with her?>

I laugh, <No. I only want to go out with you. I will thank her, though.>

She loops her arm with mine, <Good answer.>

We chat and cuddle for a little longer, and soon we realize it's gotten late.

She guides me to the door. As I turn to open it, I notice she is gripping the front of my flannel tightly. When I turn to look at her, she pulls me toward her by yanking on the fabric, and our lips meet. I'm a little startled and confused for a moment because it happened so suddenly, but then I realize what's happening.

I'm kissing Shiina.

I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation of her soft, full lips on mine. She puts her arms around me, so I do the same. My legs start to tremble, but I don't think she notices.

She pulls back and looks at me with concern, while still keeping a tight hold on the fabric of my flannel, <You're shaking. Is this okay?>

Dammit. She notices everything.

I nod, “I-I'm sorry, I'm new to all this a-and nervous but…also excited. Th-that was just…so amazing. I couldn't help it.”

She smiles,

I blush, “P-pretty much.”

I nod without hesitation.

She leans back in and this time I meet her halfway. As my head goes fuzzy with happiness and pleasure we hug each other even more tightly this time. She gently slides her tongue into my mouth, and I meet hers with mine.

I start to feel my mind wander to what might come next. I imagine what she looks like without clothes, and how our bodies would feel together.

I didn't think I had much of a sex drive. But I can feel it right now. I really want her. It's kind of scary how overwhelming that feeling is. I didn't think I could feel this way.

I pull away as my desires become more and more intense.

I'm definitely not ready for that. And she may not be either.

Then I see she's holding my glasses case and twirling it in her hand with a silly smile on her face. She must have felt it when we were kissing. It was in the pocket of my flannel. I brought them in case the contacts were bothering me.

“Wh-what are you doing?”

She smiles mischievously and opens the case and pulls out my glasses. Then she slides them on over my eyes. With contacts and glasses, everything is blurry. So I can't really tell what kind of face she's making.

“Y-you don't like the contacts?”

Shiina giggles and starts to sign. I push the glasses up so I can see, <You look great in them. But I…kind of have a thing for girls with glasses.> She looks away bashfully, her cheeks turning red.

Yep, definitely never wearing contacts again. Sorry, mom.

I laugh, “I need you to tell my mom that. She insisted I get contacts for this.”

Shiina lets out a “Wahaha_” and leans in for a hug, and rubs her cheek against mine. It's a nice, intimate sensation I hadn't even considered before. Then she pulls back and signs, <I'll be sure to tell her that you'll be wearing glasses on our next date.>

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Sun Jul 20, 2025 11:30 am

Shiina excitedly runs off ahead, making me shake my head and laugh at her enthusiasm. Of course, it makes my heart flutter too.

We're on our third date. So far, we've gone on one every weekend since we got together. The second one was much like our first one - dinner at Shiina's, a movie, some making out. It was amazing. But I realized I was being way too passive, so I said I'd plan our third date.

It took me a while to come up with something. After all, I've basically never planned an outing before – date or otherwise.

But in the end, I decided to just take her to one of the places in the city I really like - the ruins of Aoba Castle, and the park around it. It's situated on a hill in the center of the city, and it has really pretty views, especially at sunset. I come up here to think sometimes.

It also happens to be way less crowded than basically anywhere else, which is a big plus for me.

When I catch up to Shiina, she's standing in the midst of the ruins. Basically all that's left of the original castle is the base of part of the outer wall. There's also one reconstructed tower.

She looks up at me expectantly when I catch up to her, <So, tell me about these ruins.>

I laugh, <Am I your tour guide?>

She grins,

<You're from here. I'm sure you know it all too.>

<Kind of. Maybe. I never had the best memory for this stuff.> She pouts, <And I just want you to show me how smart you are, okay! It's kinda sexy.>

I feel my face turn bright red and all of my resistance fades. I can't very well turn her down when she's pouting and complimenting me.

<So, the castle was built here in 1600 at the beginning of the Tokugawa Shogunate, by the daimyo of Sendai - Date Masamune.>

She laughs, <You took me on a date to a place built by a guy named Date?>

I laugh, I point at the monumental bronze sculpture of Masamune on his horse.

Shiina looks over and nods, <So like, why did he want to build a castle?>

<Well, it gave him a fortress to oversee the region, and made it hard for anyone else to attack him. He and his descendants used it for hundreds of years.>

Shiina nods,

Shiina frowns, <That’s sad.>

I nod, and then she suddenly smiles and asks, <Were there lesbians back when this castle was built?>

I laugh, startled by the sudden shift in her line of questioning.

She winks and nudges me with her hip, something she's done a lot since we started dating, <Obviously. Have you written a story about that period though?>

<No. I've stayed more modern so far.>

<Meiji Restoration is modern? It's forever ago!”

Actually, that might not be a bad setting for my next story. Women lost a lot of status in the Shogunate, especially as warriors…two former warrior women forced to stay at home while their male family members went to war might be a really good premise-

I feel something warm and soft around my arm. I look and see that Shiina has looped her arm with mine very tightly. The softness I'm feeling is definitely one of her breasts. When I realize that, I feel my face flush.

She's giving me the smile she always gives me when she gets me all flustered, but she also looks a little put out. She releases my arm and signs, <You spaced out for like 30 seconds. > She breaks out her pouty face again, <Am I that boring?>

I shake my head, <You're the opposite of boring.>

She narrows her eyes, <Is that a compliment?>

I take her hand and say, “I think it is.”

She gives my hand a squeeze and signs, <What happened, though? Where'd you go?>

I laugh awkwardly and scratch the back of my head before signing, <Sometimes when I think about writing I space out like that. Your comment about stories set when this castle was standing got the gears turning. Sorry, I should have stayed focused on our date.>

She smiles, <No, it's okay. Now that I know what it is, it's actually pretty cute. You're disappearing into a world you're creating! Just don't spend too much time thinking about those historical girls.>

I laugh, <Are you actually jealous of my characters?>

She looks away bashfully, <A little. You think a lot about how they look and act and stuff, don’t you?>

She still looks a little annoyed. I think she’s mostly kidding, but there’s a kernel of truth to all this. She really is a little jealous. She doesn’t need to be, though.

I smile, <Shiina, there's no character as good as you. So don't worry. Even Sayuri was a pale imitation.>

She smiles, <Don't you forget it!>

I notice that the light is starting to turn very orange.

<Hey, let's go look out over the city while the sun sets.>

Shiina nods, and we approach the edge of the palace complex. As the city and the open area around us starts to turn orange, I feel Shiina take my hand. I smile at her and squeeze her hand, finding myself more captivated with how beautiful she is than with the cityscape below.

…

<So! Tell me all about it! How are things? You seem super happy!>

Madoka and I are having lunch at the cafe for the first time since Shiina and I started dating. And apparently she can already tell that I'm in a good mood.

I have moments where I feel like this all has to be some cruel practical joke - after all, why else would a girl this beautiful and wonderful want to spend time with me and make out with a loser like me?

But I am doing my best to keep those thoughts at bay. And I feel a little more confident about things every day.

I blush,

She clenches her hands together excitedly, “Awww, <Damn that's cute.>

I laugh, <Thanks. For a lot of things, actually.>

She looks at me quizzically, <What did I do?>

<Well, first, you helped me be more comfortable being gay. I never thought I'd come out to anyone but my mom.>

Madoka smiles, <Well…I'm glad I helped.>

I nod, <As badly as I handled things when she confessed, I think it would have been even worse if I hadn't already talked to you about that stuff.>

<Well, I'm glad I played some small part in helping two of my friends get together.>

<Hey, it's no problem. That's what friends do!>

I nod, and then remember, <Oh! And thanks for giving Shiina the recipe for negimaki, and for doing the subtitles on Chutney Popcorn !>

She laughs, <Misha told me that's what you watched on your first date. Glad you enjoyed it. That kind of makes my day. Helping a young hearing-impaired Japanese lesbian enjoy that movie is what I imagined when I was working on it. Akane told me not to get my hopes up.>

I laugh, <Well, mission accomplished. I'll tell her for you. And I bet you've helped lots more than me. Which is really cool.>

She smiles, <I've read your work too, you know. I bet you're helping lots of Japanese lesbians too! Actually, I wish everything I worked on was for the community - your stuff really is!>

I've somehow never thought of it that way. And a few weeks ago I would have denied that my writing is capable of helping anyone beyond entertaining them. But I think my newfound confidence is allowing me to accept what she's saying.

It's Thursday. It's been a busy week for both me and Shiina, so we haven't seen one another much this week. We have another date planned on Saturday. We're going to the aquarium, which I'm a little anxious about because of the crowds, but I do like the animals and Shiina, so I should be okay.

Also, we've talked about me spending the night, which I think might mean sex. I'm a little nervous about that too, but surprisingly a lot less nervous than I am about the aquarium. The last few times when we've been making out, I've really wanted to go that extra step, but held back.

It's a little embarrassing to admit, but I miss Shiina, even though I just saw her a few days ago.

My phone vibrates and I see I have a text from her. I'm very happy about the contents of her message.

“Hey, are you free this afternoon?”

I quickly reply, “Yeah, want to do something?”

“I do! But it might not be very fun.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I'm meeting up with an old high school friend. We haven't talked in a long time and it's kind of weird, and I just want you there for support. Is that okay? I know it's…social stuff.”

“I'm a little anxious. But I'll feel better with you. I'll come if you think I can help.”

She replies with “You will definitely help!” and a kiss emoji.

…

We're meeting Shiina's friend at the cafe. I wanted to get more information about them, but we were running late, so I'm going in blind. I'm just here to support her, so I don't really need to know anything anyway. I'm not even sure I'll be able to understand what's going on, since they may not use sign language. But I'm by Shiina's side, and that's what matters.

We just entered the cafe, and it's as busy as ever. It stresses me out in a big way, but Shiina grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. It helps me calm down, just like the first time we came here together, which makes me smile. She must see her friend, because she seems to have a destination in mind.

We emerge from the scrum of people, where I see a lone woman at a table. She has short, dark blue hair, and wears glasses. She looks small and somewhat unassuming at first, but she has sharp, blue, commanding eyes.

She smiles when she sees her old friend, and gets up to greet her. It looks like the friend wants to hug, but Shiina claps her on the shoulder and signs, <It’s nice to see you.> Then she gestures towards me, <This is my girlfriend, Reina.> She looks at me, <Rei-kun, this is Shizune.>

She just called me her girlfriend! I wasn't sure we were using that. But I'm glad we are.

Shizune gives me a warm smile and we both sign, <It’s nice to meet you.>

Shiina quickly sits down at the table, and Shizune and I follow suit.

When I take my seat next to Shiina, I can feel her giving off a very different aura than usual. Her usual welcoming, jovial air is gone. Her arms are crossed, and she's scowling. She looks like the gloomy one right now, and it's unsettling.

When Shizune sits down across from us, I see that she's picked up on that too.

Shiina doesn't waste any time, <So, let's get to the point. It's been more than two years since we spoke. Why did you decide I was worth talking to again?>

Shizune's shoulders slump, <I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall out of contact.>

Shiina grits her teeth, <Is that supposed to make me feel better? You didn't stop talking to me on purpose ? Great, so you forgot I existed, instead?>

I see a fire light in Shizune's sharp eyes, and for a moment I can almost feel electricity crackling in the air as these two stare each other down. But then Shizune closes her eyes for a moment and sighs

Some of the tension in Shiina's posture and face dissipates, <Fine. You're right. Sorry I was like that.>

Shizune shakes her head, <It’s fine. I understand.>

Shizune's eyes drift over to me. I feel pretty lost about everything, and she must notice, because she fills me in, <Misha was my best friend and interpreter in high school. We were on student council together.>

Oh. This is THAT friend. No wonder Shiina is so hurt. From what Shiina has told me before, it sounds like they were very close.

Shiina smiles, <Yep. We ruled the school with an iron fist. Well, Shizune did, anyway.>

Shizune frowns, <It’s so odd for you to use my whole name.>

Shiina narrows her eyes for a moment but then smiles,

Shizune smiles, <That's better.>

Her eyes drift to me again, and then back to Shiina, <How did you two meet?>

Shiina grimaces and looks at me as her entire face turns red, <You tell her.>

I laugh, <She was my teacher.>

Shizune smiles mischievously at Shiina, who signs, <We only got together like a few months after our class was over, okay! There was no funny business!>

Shizune looks at me now, clearly wanting me to confirm. I laugh, <It’s true.>

Shizune really knows how to keep her on her toes. I could maybe use a lesson from her.

<That’s good. You two looks nice together.>

Shiina takes my hand, <Thanks.>

Shizune takes an envelope out, <You were right that I wanted to meet for a specific reason. I wanted to hand deliver your invitation to my wedding.>

She places an envelope on the table with Shiina's name on it. When she does, Shiina releases my hand and the tense mood from earlier returns. Shiina's body stiffens back up, and her face is uncharacteristically tense too, with knitted eyebrows and a clenched jaw.

Shizune frowns, and looks over at me, clearly feeling embarrassed, <We may not talk as much. But you're still important to me. I still think of you as my best friend. I really want you to meet my fiance. And be there on the big day.> Shizune pauses and looks down at the table, <It’s just an invitation. You don’t have to come.>

Shiina sighs, <I'll come.>

Shizune smiles, <Great. Bring Reina.>

Shiina, <Yeah. Alright, well…we need to go.>

Shiina gets up without waiting for Shizune to respond, and she leaves the invitation.

I grab the envelope, give Shizune a nod and get up from the table, unsure of what's happening. I don't see Shiina, but I know she's upset and that motivates me enough to make my way through the crowd on my own.

I know they haven't talked in a long time, but it seemed like there was something else going on in there.

When I get outside, I find Shiina waiting in front of the cafe with crossed arms. She doesn't seem interested in talking, which is really unusual.

She's even more upset than I thought.

We walk a couple of blocks without saying anything, and then Shiina sits down on a bench and I follow suit.

She looks…shaken, not something I've ever seen before. Not quite like this anyway.

She sighs, <I'm fine.>

<I'm telling you I'm fine.>

I sit silently with her for a few more minutes, trying to decide what I can possibly do to help her. She raises her hands to sign several times, but each time she puts them back down. She looks like she's afraid or worried about something, and while I desperately want to ask her about it, I already know she'll shut me down. So I continue to sit quietly.

After a few more minutes she abruptly stands up and signs, <I'm going home.>

She interrupts, <No.>

I drop my hands, feeling defeated. Then she hurries away without saying anything else. She looks like she can't wait to get away from me.

Well, guess she finally realized what a loser I am. It was bound to happen. I should have seen it-

I shake my head at myself, close my eyes and take a deep breath. I wrench my thoughts away from the negative spiral they were headed for, and try to look at things more positively.

She just needs some space. I don't know exactly what's going on, but it's okay that she wants to be on her own. She'll talk to me about it when she's ready, like she did with her dad.

I just hope she's okay.

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Sat Aug 02, 2025 9:53 am

When I get home from the meeting with Shizune, my mom gives me a big smile, <I'm going on a date this weekend!>

I feel happy for my mom, but it's quickly swallowed by the uncertainty and confusion I'm feeling about what just happened with Shiina.

I try to hide it. I force a smile, “That’s great, mom.”

My mom immediately frowns, <Is everything okay?>

I need to learn to hide my feelings better.

I sigh, <You're happy. I don't want to weigh you down.>

My mom takes a seat on the couch and pats on the space next to her. I really need someone to talk to about this, since I'm so confused. I wish I wasn't such a wet blanket though. She did something really great by deciding to go on her first date in 23 years. Still, I can't turn her down. She's always so great to talk to.

I sit down and explain everything that happened. At the end, my mom scrunches up her face and narrows her eyes, <I'm disappointed in her. She shouldn't treat you like that.>

“She was just upset. I'll talk to her about it tomorrow.”

My mom furrows her brow and then signs, <Do you…think they have a history?>

I grimace, “Well…shit, now I do.”

My mom puts her hand on my shoulder.

I bow my head and start thinking about everything I know about the two of them.

Shiina was best friends with Shizune in high school. And later her interpreter. They were really close. Spent all their time together in class and on student council. Being able to talk with Shizune helped motivate Shiina to get better at sign language…

A theory starts to coalesce in my mind. Maybe I read and write too much yuri romance but…

Shiina likes girls with glasses…Shizune wears glasses…They were really close for three years at a boarding high school.

There's definitely something between them. Or, I guess there was once.

But what were they?

Exes that had a bad break up? Was it unrequited? Did Shizune hurt Shiina? Or the other way around?

I know so little about Shiina's past. Other than that she's had lots of girlfriends. Maybe Shizune was one of them. She's marrying a man now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't like girls t-

My mom squeezes my shoulder bringing me out of my head.

“N-not…really. I was just thinking about everything. I think they definitely have some kind of history.”

My mom nods grimly.

I sigh, “Anyway, no use dwelling on it. Tell me about your date. I'm excited for you. And need something else to think about.”

She smiles as her cheeks flush, <It’s with that guy, Kaz. He's so cool. And dreamy.>

I laugh, “You sound like a Showa-era high school girl in love.”

My mom slaps my arm playfully, <Well, last time I was in love I was a Showa-era high school girl, okay!>

<Dinner. At some fancy French place. And then dancing at a jazz club.>

I whistle, “He's pulling out all the stops. He's a very high brow kind of guy, huh?”

My mom frowns, <Stop making fun of me. You're gonna make me self-conscious.>

I hug her, “I'm sorry. I'm just teasing. I'm really happy you're doing this.”

It's been three days since I met Shizune. And also three days since I have heard from Shiina. I have texted her and even tried calling her a few times despite my limitations, but I gave up after getting no response at all. Needless to say, we didn't have our planned date this weekend.

The only bright spot over the last few days is that my mom's date with Kaz went really well. She came home just about the happiest I've ever seen her.

Meanwhile, my love life feels the exact opposite. It hurts so much that Shiina won't even text me.

Does this mean we're broken up now? Is this how it happens? One of the people just disappears?

Maybe she decided…I'm not worth dating after all. I really wouldn't blame her. This was bound to happen.

I'm just a mousy little tombo-

No. Stop thinking like that!

It's getting a lot harder not to let myself spiral into self-loathing.

I'm trying my hardest to work on my next story at my mom's café. It's not my first choice of a place to work, but I've been moping around the house and my mom suggested I come here. And I figured it wouldn't hurt. It is harder to mope in public, that's for sure.

Just as I'm getting into a groove, I'm startled when someone taps on my shoulder. For a millisecond, I think it might be Shiina. But I'm also not surprised that it's not.

It is a somewhat familiar face, though. It's the tall, bespectacled, dark-haired girl who is friends with Shiina. Madoka's girlfriend.

She signs, <Sorry to interrupt. Can I sit here?>

I nod, and she sits down across from me.

I nod, <You're Madoka's girlfriend.>

She nods and fingerspells her name, <Akane.>

I nod, <Reina.>

There's an awkward moment or two and then she signs, <Are you writing?>

I'm tempted to say ‘I was, before you interrupted me.’ But I hold my tongue. Or, my fingers anyway.

I nod.

She smiles,

I can't help but put my hands over my face and let out an “Ugh…”

I peek through my fingers and see her giving me a warm, genuine smile, which makes me feel a little better, so I remove my hands.

She laughs, <It was amazing! Why are you embarrassed?>

<The…Misha connection.> it feels weird using their name for her. But also weird not to since I know that's what she calls her.

She smiles, <Yeah, I understand I guess. Is she first girl you've fallen in love with?>

Right to the point, this one.

I nod, <Pretty much. I liked a girl when I was 13. But…not like this.>

She smiles, <Misha was my first love too.>

I'm stunned enough by this revelation that it takes me a moment to respond.

<Really?>

She nods, <We dated for a few weeks in high school.>

Once again, I feel shaken by what I've learned.

Another girl with glasses. Shiina really does have a thing for them.

Has she been with every lesbian with glasses in the Prefecture?

Ugh, that's really not fair of me. I hate myself for even thinking that. I'm just upset. I don't care who she's been with.

Akane must notice my introspection, because she looks worried now. She waves her hands, <Don't worry. I'm not a rival. It was a long, long time ago. But your story really did make me a little nostalgic.> She pauses for a moment and then signs, <’It felt like getting caught up in a whirlwind that was equal parts chaotic and beautiful. She's like a force of nature that you can't help but be beguiled by.’ Isn't that how you put it?>

I laugh, impressed that she remembered that word for word. It must have struck a chord with her. Now I know she isn't just humoring me. She really read my story. And liked it.

She puts her hand on mine, surprising me a little, and then pulls her hand back to sign,

I hesitate for a moment, feeling a little bit annoyed that this woman I barely know thinks she knows me well enough to give me advice. But…she signed it with such genuine warmth. She really wants to help me.

I give her a small nod.

<Just…try to wait this storm out, okay?>

Given an opening to vent my feelings, words just start to come pouring out of my hands, <I'm trying my best. But I miss her so much and I don't know what's going on. Or how she really feels about me. Or if she loves someone else. Or if we're broken up. Or if I'll ever even see her again!> I realize how melodramatic I'm being, and look off to the side, <Sorry. It's hard having her just…ignore me for days.>

Akane gives me a sympathetic smile,

I study Akane and narrow my eyes at her.

Clearly she knows what's going on. She's one of Shiina's best friends and wouldn't be able to give me this advice if she didn't. I desperately want to ask her for details. But she isn’t giving me any for a reason. And I probably need to hear everything from Shiina.

She's saying I just need to be patient and everything will be okay. It's nice to at least have something to go on.

<Okay. I'll try and hang on. Thank you.>

The next morning when I wake up, I roll over and grab my phone, hoping to have a message from Shiina while simultaneously cursing myself for that hope. I don't know why I do this to myself after being disappointed the last three mornings.

However, this morning I actually have one.

“We need to talk. Can you come by my place around 5?”

I feel a maelstrom of emotions in my stomach. I'm happy she's done ignoring me. And happy I'll see her today. But I'm also really scared about what she might have to say.

But, I have to do this. I have to know what's going on. Even if it means I'm getting dumped.

…

I'm at Shiina's door. I just knocked and now I'm waiting. I'm an absolute ball of anxiety. But I'm proud of myself for facing this instead of running away.

When she opens the door, she gives me a smaller smile than usual, and gives me a shorter hug than she has these last few weeks. She gets us tea and we sit down at her table.

I have a hard time not thinking about the end of my story, when Anzu and Sayuri have to break up. They did it over tea.

We haven't really exchanged any meaningful words. I'm not sure what to say. Or how to start.

Meanwhile, she sits in quiet contemplation, her tea cup in her hand and her eyes closed, with a furrowed brow. I wasn't sure she had a quiet contemplation mode, so it's a little jarring. This is definitely going to be a very serious conversation.

She opens her eyes, <I'm so sorry for how I behaved the last few days. I was working through a lot, and just needed to be alone.>

I cross my arms, thankful she can understand speech so that I can maintain this pose, “You could have told me that. Or anything . But you wouldn't even talk to me. Or text me. I talked to Akane yesterday, that's the closest I've gotten to hearing from you.”

At the mention of Akane's name she grimaces and signs, <What did she tell you?>

<Well, she told me you were her first girlfriend. Was she yours?>

<Yes. But…well, that's sort of what I want to talk about. I want to be honest with you Rei-kun. About everything.>

“About time.”

She sighs and looks down at her tea, <You may not like me anymore. Once you know everything.>

“What does that mean?”

She looks up at me with sadness evident in her eyes, <I'm not a good person, Rei-kun.>

<Well, I'll be the judge of that. Just tell me what you mean.>

She looks down at her tea again for a long moment, <Akane was my first girlfriend. But I was terrible to her. I really hurt her.>

She sighs, <It was pretty bad.>

Now I start to worry, <Did you cheat on her?>

<Kind of.> She sighs again, <She confessed to me. When she did, I was in love with someone else, and heartbroken about it. But I didn't tell her that. I just…wanted to be with someone. To try and forget. So I accepted her confession. But she really loved me, and I was just using her. I was just trying to find comfort in her arms.>

She looks up at me and when she does, I see tears in her eyes, <That's the kind of girl I really am, Rei-kun.>

At the sight of her tears, I'm tempted to comfort her physically. But I hold myself back. I still don't know where this conversation is going when it comes to our relationship. Or if she even wants me to touch her.

<That’s not…great. It's true. But you were what, 16? It's not that bad.>

She shakes her head, <It is too. I was so afraid, when she came back that I…I pushed you away.>

For a moment, I have a hard time deciphering her cryptic words. But then I put it all together.

<Wait…so the girl you were in love with back then was->

<Shizune.>

I feel my heart sink, and I can taste bile in my mouth.

She's loved her for so long, of course whatever we have doesn't hold a candle to that kind of love.

I'm tempted to get up and run away, to avoid hearing the rest. To go home and lock myself in my room. I'm pretty sure I know where this is going.

But I also think I deserve an explanation. Plus, even if she's dumping me, I really care about her. So I have to keep listening. I have to know…

“Wh-what were you afraid of, though? Why push me away?”

She locks eyes with me and starts to sniffle, <Akane wasn't the only time I did it. Not even close. Just the first.>

<So…you didn't want to be around me because…> I can't really finish the sentence myself. I'm too stunned by everything I'm learning.

She nods,

I scoff, <But you did hurt me. You know how self-conscious I am. My girlfriend suddenly disappearing certainly didn't help.>

She closes her eyes for a moment and I see a tear drip down her cheek, <You're right. Of course you are. I just got so scared, and told myself to stay away from you until I had sorted things out. I'm so sorry I hurt you.>

Her hands are shaking now, <We're too close. I felt a special closeness with you even when you were my student. Even when we were friends. I couldn't stand the idea of using you that way. I couldn't have lived with myself.>

I ask the question I've been dreading, but it needs to be asked.

I take a deep breath, <So…all of this means…you're still in love with Shizune, doesn't it?>

<That's what I've been thinking about these last few days. I've loved her…for a long time. Pretty much since the day I met her. Even though she's straight. And even though she rejected me a long, long time ago. I've longed for her for…so long.>

I nod, looking down at my hands, trying my hardest to maintain my composure. But then, Shiina moves next to me and puts her hands on mine. I look up, and see her beautiful golden eyes locked with mine.

<But…I don't love her anymore. For the first time since I met her, I'm sure of that.>

Shiina sighs, <Because she used to be my best friend. And she didn't even tell me she was engaged. I am hurt, but as her friend. Not as anything more.>

I fidget in my seat,

She looks at me with a beautiful smile. All of her smiles are great, but this one seems extra somehow. It's so bright that saying she's ‘beaming’ doesn't really do it justice.

She puts her hands on mine for a moment, <Because I'm in love with you now, Rei-kun. Really, deeply in love. Head over heels crazy about you. You're such a sweet, smart girl, but so strong too - so much stronger than you think. And you mean the world to me.>

I feel overwhelmed with joy by her words. So much so that I'm stunned into silence, and briefly think I must be dreaming.

She takes my silence to mean something else. Her shoulders slump and her tears return, She pauses to wipe away her tears, <So it's okay, if you just want to break up with m->

I grab her hands, push them aside, and plant my lips on hers. She's so startled that she falls back out of the chair and onto the floor. I land on top of her.

I had a soft landing, because I fell on her. But it made a very loud noise when she hit the ground, so I'm worried she's hurt. I sit up to check on her, but she puts her arms around my neck and pulls me back down for a kiss.

Well, guess she's okay, then.

She locks her legs around me as our kiss quickly becomes more passionate as our tongues become involved and our mouths get wider and wider. After a little while, she starts to roll on her side, and I follow her lead, and eventually we've switched places, with her on top.

As we continue to kiss, her hands start wandering places they haven't before. One of them snakes up my shirt, while the other lurks just above my waistband. My head starts getting very fuzzy as she caresses me and kisses me. We're both panting with anticipation.

Just as I start to realize I want to touch her too, she retracts her hands, sits up and brushes her hair back behind her ear. Her face and chest are bright red, and she's breathing heavy, <I-I'm sorry…is this too much?>

I shake my head.

She smiles, <So do you…want to?>

I really, really do. I feel like it's a need, more than a want…

But, now that her hands and lips are off of me, I'm thinking a little more clearly. I do have some concerns.

“I just want to be really sure. You aren't just comforting yourself, right? This…it means something?”

She gives me an animated nod, <It means everything. I love you so much that it's overwhelming and I feel like I have to show you with my body. I don't want anyone else. Not Shizune, not anyone. I only want you.>

Embarrassingly, I feel a few tears run down my cheek. She smiles at me and wipes them away.

Then, I pull her back on top of me, making her giggle. I whisper, “P-please…show me how much you love me.”

I just woke up, and when I do, panic sets in for a moment, as I'm in a strange place, facing a wall I don't recognize. As I recall the events of last night, I realize where I am. I roll over and see a very naked Shiina sound asleep right next to me. It makes me smile.

I came over here 99% sure I was getting dumped. But instead she told me so many wonderful things, and we had sex for the first time, and it was all really great, physically and emotionally.

I spend some time just enjoying being in bed with her, but then I realize I forgot to do something.

I get up and wade through the clothing strewn about, until I find my pants and my phone. I have one text from my mom from about 11 pm last night.

“I'm going to assume things went really, really well and that's why you're not home! But please text me when you see this to confirm.”

Crap, I totally forgot about the rest of the world for the last 12 hours or so.

I text my mom, “You're right it went really, really well. Everything is okay. We made up. Sorry I didn't text.”

My mom quickly replies with a hundred smiley emojis.

I hear Shiina start to shift in bed, and I'm suddenly very embarrassed that I'm naked. I got the feeling last night that Shiina definitely likes my body, but this is a different context.

I awkwardly hold my jeans in front of myself.

Shiina's eyes slowly open. She looks at my side of the bed with disappointment, and then she looks around before finding me standing awkwardly with my pants. She smiles, <Aw, you're out of bed already? Trying to hit it and quit it?>

I laugh, <Yep. You know I'm the type. I always sneak out after I sleep with a girl.>

She pouts,

She sits up, not embarrassed at all that the blanket falls off of her, giving me a view of her breasts, which I learned last night are even more magnificent than I expected. They're somehow both very large and very perky. Her body is just as beautiful as her face is.

She looks at me with what can only be described as bedroom eyes and pats on the bed next to her, <Put those pants down and come snuggle.>

I find it hard not to listen to her request. I'm pretty sure she wants to do a whole lot more than snuggle.

But…I definitely don't have a problem with that.

Author's Note: If you want to know more about Akane and Shiina's relationship, read Yamaku: The Place Where Dreams Come True

SilentM · Post by **SilentM** » Mon Aug 04, 2025 1:00 am

guthrum06 wrote: Sat Aug 02, 2025 9:53 am
 She locks eyes with me and starts to sniffle, <Akane wasn't the only time I did it. Not even close. Just the first.>

Oh man, for a second there I thought this was implying a particular timeline.

But if this is the same timeline as Yamaku: The Place Where Dreams Come True, then it's also the same timeline as Yamaku: The Next Generation, then it's also the same timeline as Learning to Run, then it's also...

guthrum06 · Post by **guthrum06** » Mon Aug 04, 2025 9:03 am

SilentM wrote: Mon Aug 04, 2025 1:00 am
guthrum06 wrote: Sat Aug 02, 2025 9:53 am
 She locks eyes with me and starts to sniffle, <Akane wasn't the only time I did it. Not even close. Just the first.>

Oh man, for a second there I thought this was implying a particular timeline.

But if this is the same timeline as Yamaku: The Place Where Dreams Come True, then it's also the same timeline as Yamaku: The Next Generation, then it's also the same timeline as Learning to Run, then it's also...

Yeah, this version of Misha has never been comforted by or even asked Hisao to comfort her, since Shizune's route didn't happen in this continuity. But you can bet there were others (in addition to Akane), since this is still the same Misha in most other ways.

Katawa Shoujo Forums

Too Close for Comfort - A Post-Yamaku Misha x OC Story (9/1/2025 - COMPLETE!)

Re: Too Close for Comfort - A Post-Yamaku Misha x OC Story (Chapter 5 - 4/29/2025)

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Re: Too Close for Comfort - A Post-Yamaku Misha x OC Story (Chapter 11 - 6/30/2025)

Re: Too Close for Comfort - A Post-Yamaku Misha x OC Story (Chapter 11 - 6/30/2025)

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

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