Kenji Develops Terminal Brain-Rot
(Author's Note: Brain-Rot, Crack-Fic, Edgy Humour, Hisao, Kenji, Misha & Shizune, Non-Canon)
I’ve been invited to see what Kenji is up to. Normally he doesn’t let anyone into his room, but he insisted that I need to see what he’s cooking and so I’m here today. I open the door only to be hit with the smell of body odour, dried cum and rotten food. Upon seeing him, I can only conclude that Kenji must’ve gotten in some sort of horrific plumbing accident. That is the explanation for why his head seems to be sticking out of the toilet.
“Hello there my sigma goat male. Today has been a W day today, as the feminists been unable to prevent me from finding out their tea. My skills in espionage are low-key bussin’ and they’re all salty about it!”
“What the fuck did you say?” I blurt out instinctively.
“That’s not very chad sigma of you, my sussie baka! Just because you’re not vibing with my mogging powers doesn’t mean that that I’m not savage! I ooze vibes and no skibidi thot ain’t gonna change that!”
“Kenji, I’m starting to think that plumbing accident of yours has given you brain damage. Why the hell are you wearing a toilet anyway?” I ask, hoping that maybe, just maybe I might get an actual answer out of him.
“Well you see, edging to Skibidi Toilet has given me sexual powers beyond your basic clout. No cap, man. I know that may seem delulu to you, but its not as ohio as you think, my twin!”
“Skibidi Toilet? What the hell are you talking about? I know that you’re constantly talking about feminists, but I’m starting to think they’ve won! Maybe you’re not really Kenji and they’ve replaced him with an evil doppelganger!”
I stop myself before going any further, realizing that I’ve sunken to his level, feeling mighty foolish in the process.
“Its such a shame that you have to be my opp, my sigma goat! Perhaps if you worked on your rizz, we could feast on Lilly’s gyatt together and slay her pussy with drip, man! You’ve always been the Chad and me the Virgin, but together we could’ve have that hot Stacy all to ourselves! A kingdom by men, for men! We’ll turn ourselves into redpills, man. Funniest shit, she’ll ever see. We’re redpill Kenji and Hisao! She’ll never see it coming, because we’re gooner kings, my sigma chad bro!”
I’ve heard enough. I’m starting to think all of his conspiracy theories about feminism have finally melted his brain. I decide to leave and figure that maybe I should apologize to Shizune for neglecting my student council duties.
Several minutes later, I make it to the student council office and notice that Shizune and Misha are busy with student council work. I knock on the door, prompting Misha to let me in. Before I can make up for the work I’ve neglected, I can hear the symphony of gunfire and airhorns. Shizune can’t hear them but Misha and I can, and it’s clear that we’ve got to get out of here before we end up dead.
[“Shicchan, we’ve got to go!”] Misha signs frantically “[“Someone’s firing bullets and we need to escape right now!”]
[“Ugh, again?”] Shizune signs back dispassionately. [“We seriously need better security.”]
We try to leave the student council office but it’s too late. The gunman is here and… oh god. It’s Kenji wearing a trilby hat, green facepaint that makes him look like an ogre or a frog with brown lips, a brown vest, and a dirty beige outfit with a red and blue tag that says MLG slapped on it. His body odor accompanied by the four horsemen of awful smells: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Onions and Cannabis.
I can hear an obnoxious song from that movie about a green ogre playing loudly on airhorns as Kenji stumbles his way into the student council office like he’s drunk and high on cannabis.
“WHAT ARE YA DOIN' IN THEIR SWAMP!” Kenji yells at me in a bad Scottish accent that would Lilly frown, followed by airhorns.
Oh dear god, the brainrot seems to be getting worse...
“She’s clearly a member of the Illuminati!” he screeches, pointing at Shizune before mockingly placing his fingers downward near his left eye in a triangular shape. “Harambe didn’t die for this! These thots are going to scream when I show them my unicycling skills!”
Kenji suddenly puts out a unicycle out of nowhere and starts riding it and rapping.
“Here comes dat boi! Oh shit waddup! Watch him rollin’ Watch him go! He be rollin’ down the street, he be rollin’ to the beat! Watch him roll! Shit waddup. O shit waddup!”
After translating Kenji’s cringeworthy rapping to Shizune, the final verdict is delivered. Neither of them are impressed.
[“Get this idiot out of here! Can’t he see that we’re busy?” Tell him to leave at once, Misha!”] signs Shizune.
“Get out!” Misha roars at him. “You’re not supposed to be here, we banned you from the student council room several months ago!”
I remember several months back that Kenji and Akio decided that it would be funny to leave several stink bombs in the student council room. The smell was so bad that we initially thought it was a gas leak before it was determined that it wasn’t the case. It took a week to clear out the smell, and another two to find the perpetrators. Suffice to say, Kenji is banned for life from the student council office and he certainly won’t be allowed to run for the position of student council president.
Kenji’s unicycle is suddenly gone. He then glares at Misha before walking over to the table with all the paperwork and spitefully scattering it off the table before laughing to himself, followed by those accursed air horns. Shizune looks annoyed, watching as the paperwork flutters to the ground like angels descending to earth.
“Get wrecked, feminazis!” mocked Kenji, sticking his middle fingers up followed by the sound of those neverending airhorns. “360 No Scope! Ha ha ha! Get a taste of Deez Nuts! Ha Ha! Got Em’!” Kenji yells, followed by the sound of yet more of these obnoxious air horns. Large pixelated sunglasses descend onto his face even though Kenji is already wearing glasses.
Trying her best to maintain composure, Shizune orders Misha and I to pick up the paperwork before she strides up to Kenji and forcefully kicks him right in the crotch so hard and fast that he crumples to the floor, unable to properly react.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Such force. Much pain. So suffering. Ow.” Kenji whines.
He then crawls out of the student council office and takes the four horsemen of awful stenches with him. I realize that Kenji won’t stop until I’m infected by his brainrot, and apologize to Misha and Shizune for not being able to help them with paperwork. I tell them that I need to go deal with Kenji before he continues to make things worse for the rest of the academy. After leaving the student council office, it doesn’t take me long to find Kenji who is now back on his feet with sniper rifle in hand.
Upon seeing me, I can hear a techno remix of that green ogre yelling “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP” as he starts shooting at me on sight with his sniper rifle and gloating about his “Major League Gaming” skills. As I start running away from the bullets, I make it past other students who start dropping dead all around me as Kenji continues his attack on me and all of common sense. Air horns blare out every time a student dies and their bodies explode into orange fanta as I realize that it’s all coming tumbling down. After several minutes of this, I finally make it out and force my way out of the school gate. Surely Kenji will have to give up now, right?
I didn’t think it’d happen today, of all days. Kenji seems to have finally snapped from spending too much time in his room. Fresh air has never felt so good. I might finally be able to hear myself think. Surely nothing can go wrong now, right? Oh wait…
Kenji is now in front of me, wearing a mustache, a green hat and green outfit with blue dungerees and giving me a creepy stare. I swear that I saw his outfit change into a yellow and orange robe and that Kenji is wearing a headband with a yellow triangle on it. I think the brainrot is finally starting to get to me.
“Hisao, mai boi! SnooPING AS usual, I see! Spaghetti is what all true warriors strive for!”
“Kenji, what the hell?” I reply, exasperated.
“Lamp oil, rope, bombs! You want it, it’s yours my friend, as long as you have enough rupees!
“Enough of this! This ends right now!” I yell at him.
“Sorry Hisao, but I don’t give credit. Come back when you’re MMMMMMMMMMM richer!
“ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT, KENJI!” I scream at him, fully enraged.
Kenji seems rattled at first only to quickly get back on his bullshit.
“Vegeta what does the scouter say about his power level?”
“IT’S OVER 9000!”
“WHAT 9000, THERE’S NO WAY THAT CAN BE RIGHT!”
After Kenji’s uh… strange outburst, his face distorts into a smug but creepy expression as Edward Khil’s most notable song begins to play. Kenji screams loudly and his body surrounds itself with golden aura that threatens to incinerate anything that touches it. His clothes burn away to nothing and all of his body hair falls out, causing him to become completely bald as his skin turns baby blue. The song fades out along with his yellow aura and I can only stand there horrified.
Has Kenji finally developed terminal brain-rot? Am I going to have to put him down at long last? Before I can figure out the right course of action, a loud eurobeat techno hybrid starts to play and conclude that I must be hearing the lovechild of a blue frog and a demolition company. I fear that the brainrot is spreading and I’ve got to get away before Kenji infects me too. On instinct, I run away and immediately I am helpless to avert my fate as Crazy Kenji chases me down the street on what appears to be an invisible motorcycle. I feel as though I’m in a music video as I dodge traffic with Crazy Kenji trailing behind me, singing at timed intervals to the music. Several minutes has passed, and I’m sure that I ended up in the sewers at one point. None of that matters now as my legs are burning and my heart is racing like crazy.
I’ve finally made it to town but it’s raining and I’m not sure how longer I can last before my heart gives out and I die at long last. As I continue running, I can see it in the distance. The Shanghai! If I can just hold out, I might actually make it. I will survive this madness, I will not let that annoying fool consume me with his brainrotting insanity. I end up tripping over myself and fall into a yellow box, quickly paddling my way to victory with my hands. The streets seem to twist and turn into a labyrinthian urban jungle and I realize I’ve just missed the Shanghai. I cannot give up. I must survive. I’m now being chased by a small army of Crazy Kenjis, all on their invisible motorbikes singing like the world’s most obnoxious choir. My legs are burning and my arms feel the same. The Shanghai is in sight again and I know that I cannot afford to fail this time.
I force myself out of the yellow box and sprint straight to freedom, but sadly this is not to be as the Crazy Kenjis merge into one and grab me from behind and pull me from the ground at turbo speed. I can feel Crazy Kenji’s erect penis now pressing against me. His dick is now the second worst thing I’ve experienced today as the first thing comes rapidly into view. Kenji gives the performance of his life as he lets out a high note in harmony with my screams, hurtling straight towards the roof of the Shanghai. My heart beats so rapidly that I hope it bursts out of my chest and kills me before the crazy fool does. Before I know it, I hit the roof of the Shanghai, causing my vision to black out on impact and my hearing to be assaulted by a loud explosion of bricks and broken bones. As death comes for me at last, the eurobeat techno hybrid fades out and Kenji’s ding ding sound is the last thing I ever hear before I die…
THE END
EDIT (23/04/25): Minor spelling errors and change of descripton regarding Kenji's change of clothes (yellow and blue to yellow and orange) and the end part of his transformation sequence.
