“Damn it…” My head tilts in my sister’s direction, ears pointed to where her annoyed grunts and muttered curses originate - a few feet behind me. I slide my suitcase to the side of the hallway, out of the immediate path of my sister as she rushes past with her own case. We’ve only just gotten back from our trip; could they really not do without her for one more night?
“Duty calls, I presume?” I sigh, equally frustrated by the demands of her firm. Footsteps approach from where Akira went and now returns.
“Yup… Sorry, Lills.” Akira laments. Dull, rapid taps on her smartphone screen. “I’ve put my case under the stairs so you don’t have to worry about it. I should only be an hour at most but I’ll take my keys just in case you want to go to bed.”
I nod sluggishly, feeling every hour of jet lag weigh on me. A hand on my shoulder, the pressure of lips on my cheek.
“Alright then. See you soon.”
“Take care, Akira. Give them hell.” I smirk in spite of my fatigue. A soft chuckle is her only response before a jacket shuffling, the door latch clicking into place, and the lock turning from the outside. I am left alone in the silence as Akira departs.
“Alexa?” I speak into the fresh silence and a subtle tone of acknowledgement chimes out from the virtual assistant that Marcus, my human assistant, was kind enough to set-up for me. Akira was never technically-minded and doesn’t like ‘the machine’ but I find her quite useful. “Please play latest messages.”
“Akira, I know you’re only just back from Japan but Donaldson’s got his knickers in a twist about the upcoming merger and I told him that you’d be jet-lagged but you kno-” Feminine voice, Scottish accent, for Akira; that’ll be Joan Glenn.
“Next.”
“Lilly, this is Marcus, hope your trip went well! Got your message about that guy from Lerwick you wanted me to look into and I’m hoping he gets back to me tomorrow. The admin from St. Dymphna also got back to me and seemed receptive to the resource exchange. Give me a bell in the morning or whenever you’re feeling less crook.” I smile at hearing the familiar voice of my friend-slash-assistant.
“Next.”
“Hi, girls!” Mum. “Just making sure you got back safe. Akira will probably have text me but you know I like to hear your voices. Let me know when you’re next free so we can go for a drink and a catch-up.” I’ll call her tomorrow, I’m sure Akira will have let her know we’re back safe already.
With my right hand on the dado rail, I pull my case forward down the hall. First door frame; living room. I pause and feel for the radiator with my leg, making sure I don’t run into it, before continuing to the next door frame; the kitchen. I’m past the stairs on the left now so I press on to the end of the hall and make a ninety degree turn to face the door of my bedroom.
It opens inwards and I pull my case from the hardwood flooring to the hard-wearing cord carpet.
A small room for a small life. Plain and simple by design and highly reflective of what my life has become. Utilitarian. Functional. Boring. I lift my case onto the bed and begin to unpack, separating things into piles for washing tomorrow as my maudlin thoughts recall how I got to this point in my life.
When I moved to Edinburgh eight years ago, I thought it would be the start of a grand adventure but all it ultimately culminated in was disappointment after disappointment. While connecting with my family was wonderful, I soon found myself floundering in a society very different to the one I was accustomed to.
I continued my studies here and graduated with marks good enough to attend college though I found it difficult to engage with the curriculum and keep up with the course work required for the teaching course. My classmates were so different to me and I, them.
While I was welcomed… I was still alien. I couldn’t quite connect with them. I limped along before barely passing with enough credits. After the experience, I decided I would try my hand at some other vocations before fully committing to teaching. A gap year, as it were.
My parents were understanding - in as much as they did not outwardly voice their disappointment to me. Not that they needed to. I felt it enough in the pit of my stomach.
My father, ever magnanimous, got me a low-level secretarial job with his company for a short time. It was useful to give me critical job experience but the nepotism of such a move did not go unnoticed. Idle gossip of how useful I could be and wicked whispers on how I might climb the ladder… My eye muscles twitch with anger at the memory.
When that became too much, I quit. Once more; my family was not outwardly critical, though their understanding and patience for another rebellious child was wearing thin. I started to feel like I did when they first left Japan. Like a burden. Akira was still there to help ease my anxiety somewhat but she couldn’t be there all the time. She worked hard while I struggled to find work at all. I suppose I would be considered something of a NEET if I were back in Japan.
My novelty eventually wore off with my extended family, I had no real friends in the city, and I was having the most awful time as I entered my twenties. I’d been mugged three times, called all manner of horribly colourful curse words by strangers, had two failed relationships with men suggested by my family and a one-night stand who stole from me the next morning.
That was the final straw that killed any enthusiasm I had for dating.
It was lonely for a long time. The monotonous daily grind of looking for work to satisfy my keepers while acting as housemaid for Akira. I was being kept and I was failing in breaking out of the rut I had found myself in. I felt trapped, alone, and scared about my future.
I thought of Hanako a lot at that time. How, as strange as it seemed, I’d come to rely on her presence and how I found purpose in being her friend, her support. She no longer needed me and now I was, ironically, in need of much the same.
We still talked, not as often as I’d have liked, but time zones were difficult to plan around for an out-of-work shut-in and an up-and-coming author trying to make-ends-meet.
Things took a turn for the better when I found out that a local authority was looking for teaching assistants. The meeting took on a whole different meaning when the woman interviewing me brought up that I was a Yamaku alumni.
The school, Cullen Academy, was part of a network of SEN schools partly funded by subsidies from the Scottish government but also by The Foundation, the Yamaku Foundation’s international arm. We talked for over an hour about my experiences there; about my role as Class Rep and how I helped my classmates, and the larger student body as part of the student council.
Given my family’s ties to The Foundation, I did suspect this stroke of luck to be a little suspect but, to my surprise, my immediate family had no idea about the position. If anything, a glowing reference came from the most unexpected of places; my cousin.
Shizune’s ascension to vice-principal of Yamaku was surprising, but not as surprising as what I discovered about her on my recent sojourn to Japan. The Sensori-Neural Relay device built by her partner, Hisao, is a marvel. I never thought I’d be able to hear her voice, let alone for her to hear mine.
I’m ashamed to admit that her overcoming her disability, as well as her close friendship with Hanako, made me somewhat jealous of the leaps-and-bounds they’ve taken in their lives while I feel like am barely getting started…
As I pick up my underwear, I trace my thumb along the silky material and drift into thoughts of something else I discovered on this trip; something about myself. While I wasn’t the only person to hook-up with a stranger at Hanako’s wedding, I think I might have been the only one who slept with a fellow Yamaku alumni, not one of Akio’s family. Even more surprisingly; it was a woman.
Molly Kapur.
I’d had the odd fantasy about sleeping with women - it’s all part of a healthy sex drive, naturally - but never imagined it would actually happen.
After our flirtation at Hanako’s hen night, I thought she was just another playful jokester, but when she sat down with me at the reception, also feeling a little lost at returning to the fold… Well, I suppose we found the companionship we were both looking for. And more, besides.
Molly was so compassionate, and confident, and… And, well, flattering… It was exhilarating to allow myself to be vulnerable with someone, even for just one evening.
I bite my lower lip with a smile as I remember what an evening it was. Allowing myself to secede control is very unlike me though I was in more than capable hands with her. Again, the her of it all sticks out in my mind. It feels so foreign and bizarre but… So right at the same time. Like the most natural thing in the world.
So what does that mean for me? Does one one-night-stand make me a bisexual? I really don’t know… More uncertainty, more self-doubt…
Still; the vivid memories of those new sensations warm my body. I remember the silky texture of her skin, the smell of black tea and incense mixed with anxious sweat, the taste of her lips and…
A shiver runs up my spine and I subconsciously crane my neck, as if to feel her nibbling my ear as our bodies press together in carnal passion. God… I wish I could just indulge myself in the memory but all I have the energy to do right now is unpack and collapse into bed.
I finish placing my dirty clothes on top of my closed hamper and roll my suitcase into the cupboard. I return to my bed and pat the bed to remind myself where my pyjamas are before I begin to undress.
“Alexa? Search for…” I stop as I unclasp my bra. I press my tongue into my cheek as I frown, thinking hard about what I’m about to do. I sigh and continue my impulsive thought. “Search latest recommended… lesbian audiobooks. Please.”
The virtual assistant lists off several titles, each sounding like the sort of Mills & Boon fare you’d expect from the genre. I slip on my pyjama shorts and lie on top of my covers, hands folded across my stomach. I have to start somewhere I suppose…
“Alexa? Purchase Courting The Countess by Jenny Frame and play.” I wait for the device to confirm the purchase then begin to play the audio book. I close my eyes and begin to listen, hoping to glean some insight into what I’m feeling.
And maybe get a little titillation as a treat.
A small continuation to A Spot of T... & A and an exercise for myself to see how I would write Lilly's POV. Hope you enjoyed!
Thank you!
