Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-14 added 13-10-2024

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SilentM
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Sep 08, 2024 12:00 pm

Re: Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-14 added 13-10-2024

Post by SilentM »

Nice to see this is back. Your English has definitely improved!

I'm a little confused where the tension with Sumire is coming from though. Suddenly describing Kaori as a troublemaker now, 24 chapters in, doesn't feel like it fits with her characterization up to this point.

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Razoredge
Posts: 206
Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2015 12:31 pm
Location: Bordeaux, France

Re: Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-14 added 13-10-2024

Post by Razoredge »

Thank you Sharpy (for your job correcting the chapter by the way) and thanks SilentM too :)

For your answer, describing her as a troublemaker was more of a Lullaby of an Open Heart thing, but I wanted to add it in this story too. Maybe doing it that late in the story wasn't the best choice, I admit.

Lilly = Akira > Miki = Hanako > Emi > Rin > Shizune

Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route, Lullaby of an open heart : A Saki pseudo-route & Sakura Blossom : A way with Hisao
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