You're So Wonderful
PoV: Hisao
As Hanako and I make our way back inside, Lilly perks up and sets her book aside, a smile on her face.
“Welcome back.”
“Hey, Lilly,” I say, barely managing to cover my mouth as I yawn. It proves to be contagious, since Hanako follows my lead.
“My my, tired already?” Lilly is masking her amused smile with one hand; I think she actually doesn’t have any clue what time it is. This opportunity is too good to pass up…
“Um, it’s actually dark out already…” Hanako interjects before I have a chance to say anything.
Ah, damn! So much for that idea. Still, the look on Lilly’s face as it morphs from humor to genuine shock is priceless. Ah well, different methods, same result.
“Oh dear. I seem to have gotten a little too engrossed in my reading. I hope you weren’t too bored.”
“Nah, it’s fine. I think we all needed to relax and take in the atmosphere after such a long trip.”
“Well said, Hisao. I believe some rest and relaxation did us all some good.”
I make my way to my bag and fish out my medication. Thankfully, I had pre-arranged my doses already, so this shouldn’t take long. Just as I’m about to head to the kitchen for some water, Hanako appears next to me, full glass in hand.
“Here,” she says as she offers it to me, a smile adorning her face. I really, really like her smile. Smiling back, I accept the glass and thank her, downing my pills with a few gulps. She heads to her and Lilly’s room, presumably to prepare for bed. I take the glass back to the kitchen and give it a quick wash, then go about my own bedtime preparations. By the time I’m back to the living room, I feel completely drained. Sweet, glorious futon, here I come. Just as I’m about to settle in, a nightgown-clad Hanako emerges, standing about halfway between the hallway leading to her room and the living room.
“Hey, Hanako. Everything OK?”
She nods, eyes heavy with sleep. Though she’s standing a bit far, I can make out the faint redness in her cheeks.
“I just wanted to say… goodnight, Hisao.” She raises her hand in a small wave, one I return. My hand feels heavy from fatigue, but I can manage this much.
“Goodnight, Hanako. Sleep well.”
“You, too.” And with that, she retreats into the hallway, and I hear the door to the bedroom close. I switch off the lights and make myself comfortable on the futon; it’s actually pretty cozy. Just before sleep grips me, I find myself thinking of Hanako. She really is an amazing girl…
The next morning passes by uneventfully. I wake up, down my cocktail of medications, and have breakfast with Lilly and Hanako. Today we’ve planned to go into the nearby town to do some shopping and have lunch. In the time between breakfast and the afternoon, I heard on the news that today’s going to be a bit of a scorcher. I make a mental note to take some extra water with me, maybe ditch the sweater vest for the time being. Arrhythmia, heat, and long walks don’t mix well. Heh. All that’s missing is a bar and we can reach the punchline; Hisao-
“Hisao, are you ready?”
Lilly’s question cuts my bad comedy routine short; guess it’s time to head into town. Lilly’s dressed in her usual casual attire, cane in hand.
“Ah yeah, just need to grab some water for the road. By the way, where’s Ha…na…”
The wind is completely knocked from my sails as my eyes land on Hanako. Standing just behind Lilly, she’s wearing a dazzling light-yellow dress, adorned with lilac-colored frills at the straps, around her chest, and at the skirt. As odd as it sounds, I can’t help but think it was made just for her; the light-dark contrast between the dress’s yellow and lilac matches perfectly with Hanako’s fair and burnt skin5. She’s gorgeous.
“I’m… here.”
Her gaze is cast downward, and her body is turned slightly away from me. It only takes a second to see why; nothing is covering the scar tissue on her right arm. Upon noticing this, a sudden realization dawns on me. I’ve seen Hanako’s hand before, even held it yesterday, but I’ve never seen beyond her cuff. Even yesterday, the sleeves of her blouse obscured my view of her skin. Now, I can see that her scarring extends far beyond that; all the way up her arm and, I assume, even further.
- Consolidation Hanako Dress No Speech.jpg (241.85 KiB) Viewed 482 times
“Ah, yeah. Hi.”
“Is something wrong, Hisao? You seem distracted,” Lilly says. Only now do I realize I was barely able to piece together that poor excuse of a sentence.
“Yeah sorry, I was just thinking about some-thing.” Nice going, jackass. There’s no way she didn’t notice that slip-up.
“If you insist. We’d best be off, it’s quite a walk.”
The expression on her face tells me that she knows more than she’s letting on, but she thankfully doesn’t press the issue any further. Without further delay, we head off. As we make our way, I notice that Hanako has barely said anything since we left the house, her focus being entirely on the road ahead. I hope nothing’s wrong…
I can honestly say that this was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. Once we arrived in town, Hanako and Lilly were quick to do some clothes shopping, which thankfully didn’t take too long. At the insistence of my female companions, I got myself a change of clothes. Looks like I’ll be having Yamaku’s cafeteria food for three months…
Afterwards, Lilly treated us to a nice lunch and some ice cream to fight off the increasing summer heat. With our business concluded, we began our trek back to the house. At the rate we’re going, we should arrive there well before sunset. There’s just one thing that’s been bothering me…
Hanako has barely uttered a word after this morning. The more time passes, the more I dread I’m the one responsible for her discomfort. I think Lilly’s noticed this, too; around lunchtime I felt a subtle drop in her mood. When we finally arrive back at the house, Lilly speaks up.
“Hanako, would you mind giving Hisao and I some privacy? There’s something important we need to discuss.”
Lilly’s stern tone startles both Hanako and I, I don’t think I’ve ever heard her talk like this. Hanako is the first to respond.
“S-sure. I’ll just… get some f-fresh air…”
My eyes linger on Hanako as she makes her way out of the house and closes the door behind her. When I turn to face Lilly, I notice she’s sitting at the table, her hands clasped in front of her and a serious look on her face. I know that look; it’s the kind my parents would give me just before a stern lecture due to some lackluster performance on a test. With rising trepidation, I take the seat across from her. Sensing my presence, she speaks.
“Hisao. Normally, I wouldn’t pry into the personal business of my friends like this, but under the present circumstances, I feel I must act.”
“Lilly, what’s going on? I’ll be honest, you’re worrying me.”
That’s the understatement of the century. In all the time I’ve known Lilly, I’ve never heard her talk like this. I think the closest she has ever come was that duel of wits that she and Shizune had so long ago. At my words, Lilly relaxes her stern look, but remains resolute.
“I apologize, Hisao. Please, allow me to explain. I’m sure you’ve realized that Hanako has been acting strange today. From what I gather, you and she have grown quite close over the past few days, and I am hoping you can help me understand what is happening.”
This conversation took an unexpected turn. I feel a considerable amount of tension leave my body, but it’s quickly replaced with concern. So, I wasn’t wrong; Lilly noticed it, too. What I still don’t get is why Lilly is bringing this up now. Does Lilly do this often; just intervene whenever Hanako is feeling down? Was her hands-off approach during Hanako’s birthday an exception? How does that make Hanako feel?
“I noticed it myself, actually. I wish I had an answer for you, but I’m at a loss. Things seemed so great yesterday. Even this morning at breakfast, everything seemed fine.”
“Agreed. Had this begun in town, I would have simply dismissed it as Hanako’s usual fear of crowds. However, her unusual silence on the way there gave me the impression that something else was the cause.”
“Something or someone?” That probably came out way more accusatory than I intended, but right now, I need answers. If Lilly also thinks I’ve upset Hanako somehow, she’d be in a great position to tell me.
As much as I believe I’ve grown close to Hanako over the past month, that pales in comparison to Lilly and Hanako’s longstanding friendship.
“I’m sorry, Hisao. When we were in town, I asked Hanako if something was bothering her. All she said was "Hisao looked at me." I could tell from her tone that she was holding back her emotions.”
I “looked at her?” What the Hell does that mean? My first thought is to yesterday evening when Hanako showed me the hidden side of her face, but that can’t be it, she wanted me to see. I rack my brain for any other explanation; it had to have been at some point today between breakfast and-
Oh. Oh no. Realization hits me at full force, as if everything has fallen into place and then crashed down on my head at terminal velocity. This morning, when I first saw her in her dress. While all I could see was radiant beauty, all she could see was her supposed friend gawking at her. And what was it I said? “Uh, yeah, hi”? Fucking brilliant, Nakai…
“Hisao?”
“I… this morning, just before we left. I saw Hanako and… I think I… may have been staring at her…”
Lilly lets out a deep sigh, her expression changing into one of concerned understanding.
“That’s… unfortunate. You know how she feels about that, Hisao.”
My first instinct is to counter, but I manage to restrain myself. As cruel as it sounds, Lilly could never understand. She has her ways, but I don’t think Lilly can comprehend physical beauty. At least, not in the same way I do. I hate myself for admitting this, but what else can I do? If Lilly could see what I see…
“It’s not like I was looking at her scars or anything, I just… I wish you could see her, Lilly. Hanako is so beautiful, stunning, even. She’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, she’s so patient and understanding. Her scars don’t do much to diminish her beauty6, and oh God when she smiles… it’s enough to make me forget everything and just…”
Want to be with her, at her side. I stop myself just short of declaring that out loud, realizing how much of my feelings for Hanako I’ve just revealed to her best friend. Lilly’s face has completely transformed; her eyes are wide open and her lips slightly ajar. Quickly though, she recomposes herself, her eyes closing and a half smile on her face.
“Hisao… What do you think of Hanako?”
“I don’t follow.” Yes, I do. I know exactly what she’s asking. I’m just too scared to say it out loud.
“Hisao.”
Her stern tone is back, and her smile has left. Damn, if there was ever any doubt that she could pull off the “stern disciplinarian” look, it’s gone now. If she ever has kids, they will never get away with anything.
“I… I think…” No, I don’t think. In all of this, I realize just how much I care about her. My feelings for Hanako aren’t the same I have for Lilly, they’re not even the same I had for Iwanako. The thought of losing Hanako, especially to something like this, frightens me to my core.
“I love her, Lilly.”
Lilly’s entire body relaxes as soon as the words leave me, her eyes close and her lips form a wide smile. I can’t help but follow her example. Being able to admit my feelings for Hanako makes me feel so good.
“In all honesty, I had suspected it for some time. It’s good to hear you confirm it.”
“You knew? How?”
“Come now, Hisao. Surely, you’ve heard of women’s intuition?”
“Oh, I see. Fine, keep your secrets.”
We both share a brief chuckle at this, but we need to focus. I’ve hurt Hanako, even if by accident. I can’t just leave things the way they are.
“What do I do, Lilly? I have to make this right. I can’t bear the thought of losing Hanako over some stupid misunderstanding.” The thought crosses my mind of how infuriatingly often that cliché occurs in media. Sorry, but I won’t allow my life to become some cheap romance manga.
“I think it’s time for you to be as honest with her as you were with yourself, Hisao. If Hanako is even half the woman you describe her to be, she deserves to know.”
I figured she’d say that. I know it’s what I have to do, it’s what I want to do, but I’m still afraid. Afraid of messing things up, afraid that she doesn’t feel the same way. Afraid of my own damn heart.
“I know you're right, but I'm nervous. What if she says no? I don't want her out of my life.”
“Then you simply remain as friends. I trust you both to have that maturity.”
“Thanks, Lilly.”
“You’re welcome, Hisao. However, if I am correct, you are almost out of time.”
It takes me a second to get what she means; the sky has begun to shift colors, if I don’t get a move on, Hanako will return, and I’ll have missed my chance. With a deep and determined breath, I get up from the table and head for the door.
“Wish me luck!”
PoV: Hanako
Maybe I should head back. The Sun has started setting, I’m sure they’re done talking by now. The only thing stopping me is the idea of facing Hisao. I know he means well, but I’m sure he’ll ask if everything is alright just as soon as I walk in the door. Even Lilly noticed my silence today; it took a great amount of effort to hold back my nerves and give her just the vaguest of answers when she asked if something was amiss. “Hisao looked at me”, not untrue, but not very descriptive, either.
The truth is, I’m not sure how I feel right now. Last night, I showed Hisao more of myself than I ever have to anyone. Despite all my fears and insecurities, he didn’t pity me or look down on me; he accepted me. However, Hisao’s lingering gaze on me just before we left this morning made me question whether I went too far too quickly. Hisao is a hard man to read at times, and his expression this morning was one of those times. His stoic, almost catatonic expression sent my mind into a spiraling mess; was he disgusted at the realization of how badly I’m scarred? Curious about the extent of said scarring? Confused by my choice in attire? Was he pitting me? Does he find me attractive?
Those and many more questions swam in my head for the duration of our trip into town, and I’m no closer to finding the right answer than I was hours ago. Although Hisao and I have grown to trust one another, I don’t even want to imagine having that conversation with him. I don’t think I have a choice.
Just as I’m about to stand and head for home, I hear footsteps approaching from behind.
PoV: Hisao
Making my way out of the house, I scan my surroundings for Hanako. Sure enough, her dark hair is a striking contrast to the yellow of the wheat field, making her easy to spot. She’s sitting just a few meters away from the house, the small hill the house is perched on giving her a great view of the surrounding land. Determined, I get closer until I’m within earshot. Heart, don’t fail me now.
“Hanako?”
She turns around to look at me and brings herself up to her feet, her unobscured eyes making contact with mine. I’m glad she still trusts me enough for that.
“Hi, Hisao. Is everything OK?”
“Hey, yeah, everything’s fine, Lilly just had something important she wanted to talk about.”
“Hm.”
Silence. Alright, then. I close some of the distance between us a little but leave enough room for her to feel comfortable. I’ve got this…
“Hanako, I… What do you think of me?”
“Eh? What… I think? Um…”
Her eyes cast downward for a few seconds, then back up at me. After taking a moment to collect her thoughts, she continues.
“Hisao… when I got to Yamaku, I didn’t have any friends. I was content with being alone, out of sight and mind for everyone. But then, when Lilly moved into the room next to mine, everything changed.”
Hanako is speaking with such clarity and confidence that I can’t help but wonder if this is the same girl I met in the library all that time ago. She tells me about how her and Lilly’s friendship began, how she slowly began to rebuild trust in people… but then, her tone shifts.
“But… It felt like… it feels like she’s just trying to save me from the world. That’s not what I want… I want her to see that I can be strong, that I can do things on my own. I didn’t know how to do that without hurting her…”
Despite the sadness in her voice, I can see just how determined she is to show her strength. My understanding of Hanako as a person has completely changed, yet my feelings for her haven’t diminished. If anything, they’re stronger.
“Then… I met you. You were different. You always treated me like… like I wasn’t different or… broken. You saw me… for who I want to be. You have no idea how much that means to me.”
Her words cause a stirring in my chest that I’ve never felt before. Now more than ever, I want to be by her side, to be her confidant, to stand by her no matter what fate throws at us.
“There was a time when I thought that… if I didn’t do something, you would start to see me different. That if I didn’t prove to you that I was strong, you’d start to see me as someone who needs protection, too.”
Is it possible to be confused and understanding at the same time? Is there a word for such a thing? I get where she’s coming from, and if I’m being honest with myself, there were some moments where I thought and acted more like her shield than her friend. I won’t allow myself to make that mistake again.
“What do you mean, that if you didn’t do something? I’m not sure I understand.”
“When you came to visit me after my birthday and gave me your chess set… I felt different. The fear I had of you eventually looking down on me went away, and I… was so happy that I…”
Her face has turned a noticeable shade of red, and I feel my cheeks burning as I realize what she’s talking about. I bring my fingers up to my cheek where Hanako planted her kiss just a few days ago, recalling the feeling of her soft lips on my skin. The time has come, Nakai…
“I was afraid… that I had crossed a line, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you about it. I’m… really sorry, Hisao.”
“Don’t be. Truth be told I… really enjoyed it.”
I can’t bear to keep eye contact as I finish that sentence, looking away in embarrassment. Gah, I feel like a giddy middle schooler. Once I’ve regained my composure, I notice that Hanako has completely lost hers; she’s hugging herself and looking slightly downward, her face completely flushed. She looks like a giddy middle schooler. After a moment, her gaze returns to me.
“When Lilly invited us here, I made the decision to prove to you both that I could be strong. Then, when you told me everything yesterday… I knew I could. So, I decided… to wear this…”
And all the pieces finally fall in place. This isn’t how I expected to reach this point of our conversation, but whatever force or deity has led me here, you have my gratitude.7 I need to approach this subject very carefully. I know Hanako isn’t happy with my staring at her this morning, I just need to find a way to let her know it’s because I was enthralled, not revolted.
“But… you seemed a bit reserved today.”
“Yes… When I saw that you were… looking at me, a lot of things went through my mind. Some part of me hoped you thought I looked… pretty. But I wasn’t sure, and not knowing scared me. Other parts of me thought that… you’d…”
She runs her left hand along the scarring on her right arm, all the way from her wrist to her shoulder. Lilly and I were completely wrong. She wasn’t retreating into herself, nor was she offended by my looking at her; she was afraid that by showing too much of herself to me, I’d be so repulsed that I’d want to distance myself from her. Alright, Hisao… it’s time.
“I would never do that, Hanako. I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate your trust, not just in letting me know you, but in letting me see you, too. I’d like to put your mind at ease; I think you look stunning.”
Hanako’s mouth opens in surprise, and I can hear her take a shaky breath as tears begin to form in her eyes. It’s now or never.
“But… I’m so…”8
“Hanako… I think you’re a wonderful, beautiful girl. I love you, and I want you to be by my side.”
God, I should have rehearsed this, that was so generic… Hanako’s eyes widen in shock, and she says nothing. The tears haven’t stopped, and for the life of me, I can’t get a read on her expression at all. Just as fear starts gripping my mind, Hanako launches herself into my chest, arms wrapping tightly around me. She’s careful to aim her head away from my heart and land gently, thankfully.
“Hisao… for so long… that’s what I’ve wanted to hear…”
I can hear faint sobs from her and feel my chest getting wet, but I don’t worry; I know her tears aren’t of pain or sorrow. I gently wrap my arms around her, holding her in a tight embrace. This feels so right. For however long or short this moment lasts, everything feels so right. When it passes and we separate, she is the first to speak.
“I’m sorry, Hisao… I’ve messed up everything… I hope you still enjoyed today…”
Despite her words, she says them with a smile between small sniffles. I help Hanako to wipe away some of the stray tears on her cheeks; she doesn’t flinch away or protest.
“Hana… today was one of the best days of my life. I’m glad I was able to spend it with you.”
“Oh, Hisao… you shouldn’t say things like that… you might have to carry me back to the house at this rate.”
“Oh well, then I’d better hold back. I’m not sure I have the upper body strength for that.”
Her expression changes to one of concern, but it quickly disappears as she realizes what I mean and lets out a small giggle.
“You're mean... and terrible at teasing.”
“You started it.”
“Meanie.”
The sky over us has begun shifting from orange to violet. I take it as an indicator that we should get back inside.
“We should head back; it’s getting dark and Lilly’s gonna start worrying if we take too long.”
“Oh right, Lilly! I need to help her make dinner, too.”
Without further delay, I offer my hand to Hanako, who happily accepts, and we begin to make our way back to the house. Just as we’re about to reach it, however, she stops and speaks up.
“Hisao?”
“Yeah?”
“Um… earlier you said… about when I… you said you liked when I kissed you?”
“Heh, yeah, it was really nice. I liked it. I liked it a lot.”
She lets out a giggle and gives me one of the sweetest smiles I’ve ever seen. I love this girl so much.
“Then… maybe you’ll like this, too?”
“Hanako…?”
Just like that day in her room, Hanako places her soft hand on my cheek. This time, however, her lips land on mine. The surprise only lasts an instant, and I return her affection in kind, wrapping my arms around her and bringing her closer. No matter what our future holds in store, I’m comforted by the fact I’ll have this wonderful woman by my side for it.
5 Maestro, you brilliant fuck.
6 Guest Poster, you are an artist.
7 You're welcome, now don't fuck it up.
8 Yes, this entire scene was inspired by that one sentence in Raita's sketch.
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*** “Bonus”: Original script of Hanako’s musings. ***
I can’t get his face out of my head. I thought he was different. I trusted him. What a fool I am.
I thought that after everything we shared yesterday, I could show more of myself to him; that I could be myself with him. I was wrong.
I’ll never be able to forget how his expression changed when he saw me. The look of shock on his face is one I’ve seen countless times before
“I was just thinking about something.”
How ugly I am. How revolting the idea of being with me is. How pathetic you must be.
This was a mistake. I was a fool. A goddamned fool. Nobody could ever see me that way, care for me that way… love me that way.
(Oh my God, what am I writing? Blah blah blah, Hanako having images in her head of Lilly and Hisao fucking, etc. Bad end 2, trainwreck boogaloo.)
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Author’s notes: I fucking hate writing for Lilly, I fucking hate writing for Lilly, I FUCKING HATE WRITING FOR LILLY! That stupid Lilly scolding session took like 5 fucking hours to write, I hate how half of it turned out; don’t hold back criticism, I know it’s bad. Sisterhood shoutout, don’t sue me, GP. I also know that Hanako going into full “worst case scenario” mode so quickly after the previous scene makes little sense. In my defense, Hisao isn’t the best at facial expressions; the dude barely ever smiles and when he does, they range from “dumbass” to “trying too hard to look sexy”. Blegh, maybe I should rework this later. (Hey, this is 5-minutes-into-the-future Alex here reminding myself and informing the reader that I’m reworking this scene RIGHT FUCKING NOW.) Originally, Hanako assumed the absolute worst and was relapsing hard. This reminded me too much of a fanfic where Hisao gets the bad ending, says like 2 sentences, and 10 minutes later he and Hanako are fucking. Nope, not happening. Instead, we shall stick to the tried and true tradition of “Lilly assumes too much and overdoes it while Hisao is an idiot.” This entire scene took me two entire days to write and re-write. The bonus scene I included isn’t even half of what ended up deleted or reworked. There’s an air of finality to this chapter, that’s because this is all I had planned to write originally before posting it on the Renai. If at some point I decide to write more chapters (like I’m about to do right now) and it seems strange, that’s why.
“Who can understand the bourgeoisie? My goodness that word is hard to write. Like Lilly 
” - Tomas
