Clarity
The events of the previous night are interpreted and different conclusions are reached.
PoV: Hanako
“Goodnight, Hanako. Sleep well.”
“You, too.”
I make my way down the hall towards the bedroom, smiling all the way. Once I close the door, I let out a small sigh. What a day it’s been…
“Tired, Hanako?” asks my blonde companion, already settled in bed. ‘Tired’ is an understatement, between the long trip here and baring my past to Hisao, I feel completely drained. I can only imagine he’s just as tired, especially considering how grumpy he was about having to wake up so early. I guess he’s not a morning person, but I can’t really blame him. It also makes me feel a bit guilty that he’s stuck sleeping on that futon and not ‘in the same bedroom as us.’ Damn that boy’s teasing…
“Very…” I say while shuffling towards the bed, settling in on my side and feeling the stress practically evaporate from my body. Ohhh yeaaah… the Satous sure know how to pick quality material.
“It has been a rather long day, hasn’t it? I can’t say I blame Hisao much for his attitude this morning, though he seems to have rather enjoyed his first day here. What say you, Hanako?”
“O-oh, well… he’s really n-nice most of the time. W-we did have to wake up pretty early…”
“Ah, I was referring to your thoughts on the day as a whole, but it’s good to know you’re getting along well with him!”
Oh. Oops.
“S-sorry…”
“Don’t apologize! Truth be told, I was curious about your thoughts on our friend, as well.”
My thoughts? What’s there to say? Hisao’s a boy and a good friend, he has nice hair and wears funny clothes, is very kind and likes to read, plays games with me and likes to make me happy and oh-gods-I-have-a-crush-on-him-don’t-I?
If I wasn’t blushing before, I definitely am now… If I’m being honest with myself, I think I’ve felt this way about him since even before he came to my room the other day, but now there’s no denying it; I like Hisao. However, I must consider the possibility that I’m not the only one interested in him, especially considering some of the comments Lilly has made about him in some of our ‘private girl talks’ over the past month.
“W-well, like I said, he’s… really n-nice and… L-Lilly?”
“Yes, Hanako?” She turns in my direction with a smile. There’s no malice in her tone or expression, but I can’t shake the feeling as if I’m facing the greatest challenge of my adult life. Couldn’t even make it a week, eh? Summoning every bit of willpower I have, I ask the question I dread knowing the answer to. All or nothing, Ikezawa.
“Lilly… do you like Hisao? I mean… like him?” Her smile falters, now looking more serious, but by no means hostile.
“Hanako, I won’t lie to you. Yes, there was a time when I was interested in Hisao beyond just friendship. However, it’s become quite obvious that he doesn’t share those feelings.”
I feel so relieved and so awful at the same time. Lilly is my best friend; how can I be so cruel as to find even an inkling of happiness at her loss of a potential partner? Simple; because, as I’ve come to realize, the one who’s rejected her through inaction is the same person whom I’ve found myself increasingly interested in. Does that make me a bad person?
“Not towards me, at least.” Lilly’s expression changes again to one of… I have no idea what, actually. She seems sad but happy at the same time; there’s just something unnatural about the way she’s smiling, yet it doesn’t appear forced. Wait, does she mean…?
“W-what do you mean?”
“Hanako, you can’t possibly expect me to believe that you haven’t noticed Hisao’s interest in you. I’m blind and I can see it!”1
“L-Lilly!” I’m so flabbergasted by her crass ‘joke’ that I barely registered the first thing she said. Yes, Hisao has been acting a bit different around me after that night in my room, but I simply chalked it up to discomfort for my… forceful show of affection back then. Dare I hope that he feels the same way about me?
“I… I d-don’t know…”
“Hanako, dear, he’s practically been fawning over you all day. With whom did he spend the entire ride over playing games with? You. With whom did he spend the afternoon? You. And who does he trust enough to let help with his heart medication? Score three for Hanako Ikezawa!”
“Oh, gods…” I practically throw my face into the pillow, squirming like a lovestruck schoolgirl. For her part, Lilly giggles, both at my display and her (very good) impression of Akira. Recomposing myself, I sit back up and contemplate what Lilly’s told me.
All the moments we’ve shared are given new meaning in my mind, and suddenly, this realization I’ve had doesn’t seem so surprising. Still, there’s enough doubt, and a more than significant amount of fear, that things could go wrong should I… confess. That word seems so intimidating now…
“But, still… I don’t know… and… you’re not upset? You l-liked him, too, right?”
“I did, but Hisao has made his intentions, or rather, lack of them, clear. Hanako, if you’re worried this will come between us, you have my sincere assurances that it won’t.” She’s smiling again, sincere as can be. It helps me feel a bit better, but I’ve still got Hisao to deal with.
“I…” Before I can stop myself, I lunge towards Lilly and hold her in a tight embrace. I don’t know if this is to comfort her or myself, or maybe both, but what I do know is that we both need this right now. She offers no resistance, just surprise.
“Oh! Oh, Hanako, dear…” She returns my hug in kind, even stroking my hair a bit. I offer my apologies probably a dozen times, each time getting reassurances from her. After a few moments, I break off and wipe a few tears from my eyes. Whether they’re of joy or sympathy, I’m not sure.
“Now, then. What is your plan for our grumpy but well-meaning companion?”
I let out a small laugh at her characterization of Hisao, which helps me relax further. Truth be told, I have no clue. Despite growing closer to him, Hisao is still a bit of an enigma when it comes to emotions. Whatever I decide to do, it has to be bold enough to capture his attention and clear enough to get my point across. In other words, it’s going to take every last drop of courage I have. The concept is both exciting and terrifying, but if I want to get anywhere with him, I have to do it.
“I’ll think of something. Actually… could I borrow something from the closet tomorrow?”
“Oh? Saw something you like?”
“Yes… and I hope Hisao does, too…”
“My, my! By all means, then, take whatever you need!”
That ‘something’ is quite a bold statement, indeed. Completely antithetical to what I would normally wear, but there’s something about it that just draws my attention. I hope it has the same effect on Hisao… It’s decided, then.
I can’t take baby steps forever…
PoV: Hisao
The world slowly comes into focus as my eyes open, then half-close due to an assault by the morning light coming from… that’s not my window. Where am I? Oh… yeah, now I remember.
Last night’s events slowly reshape in my head; my mind must still be waking up because it takes more than a few seconds for things to become clear. Last night, Hanako and I grew as close as any couple can. We sang, we laughed, we… loved, a deed confirmed by the fact that I’m as naked as the day I was born… and I’m not alone.
Hana’s head is resting on my shoulder, her left hand resting over the scar on my chest. Almost as soon as I turn my head to get a better view of her, she stirs and looks up at me, her eyes barely open. After the smallest of moments though, her face morphs into the sweetest expression I’ve ever seen. I can’t think of a word to describe it, but it’s so beautiful that a feeling of pure joy washes over me, as if for one small moment in time, everything in the world is just perfect.
“Good morning…” she says, her eyes slowly opening wider.
“Hey, you. Sleep well?” I move my hand to her head, gently rubbing on her scalp. The movement elicits a satisfied coo from her.
“Mmhmmmm”
“Good.” I wish I could say the same… because ‘sleep’ wasn’t what I did last night. The fog has lifted entirely from my mind now, and it’s clear; I didn’t fall asleep after making love with her, I passed out from overexertion. I think the only thing keeping from being utterly miserable right now is the fact that Hanako seems none the wiser to what happened.
“And you?” She looks up at me, her warm smile enough to deter my current thoughts, at least for the time being.
“Pretty good, but I do feel a bit sore.” That part is true, there’s a certain unfamiliar ache in my muscles that I haven’t felt since I tried exercising in the mornings. Hmm… I wonder if…
“Too much exercise?”
Three conflicting reactions in my head; shock at her boldness, enjoyment of her joke, and a small tinge of fear that she might see what’s really going on. Thankfully, the last is discarded as soon as I notice her smile is still there. Enjoyment it is.
“Heh, yeah, guess so,” I say as I keep rubbing the recently discovered sweet spot on her scalp. Logged for future reference. Lots of future references. I finish by giving her a few pats on the head and slowly shift a bit.2
“Well, I think it’s time to start the day, yeah?”
I get dressed while Hanako opts to take a quick shower. Afterwards, she chose to get dressed in front of me because she wanted to ‘give me a show’. I had no idea she was this… active. It both excites and terrifies me. I just barely made it last night; what if I can’t keep up with her? I can’t dwell on this right now, not in front of her.
There’re three things I need to do: One, a shower. Two, somehow get the nurse’s advice on… things… without making it obvious. Three, my pills. I forgot them last night, and if I go see him before at least taking my morning dose, I’ll get annihilated. Actually… on the subject of things I forgot…
“Hey… did we ever eat anything last night?”
“I… no? No, we didn’t!”
“No wonder, I’m starving. Heavy breakfast after I wash up?”
“Yes, please.”
“You got it. Before that, I want to check something with the nurse, if you don’t mind.”
Hana perks up at this, but not in a good way. She’s visibly nervous, and I can’t say I blame her. I need to come up with something to reassure her…
“I’m OK, I just want to ask him about some… very weird side effects my meds have been giving me.”
Oh, that’s just wonderful, Nakai! Brilliant! You know the next words out of her mouth are gonna be…
“Side effects? Like what?”
God. Damn. It. Well, if nothing else, some of the worry appears to have been quashed. Now, I just need to play my cards right and say something completely harmless…
“Ah… hallucinations, I think. I could have sworn I saw a pair of floating sunglasses the other day.”
Oh, my fucking God… what is with me today?! Why not just say ‘precognition’ while I’m at it?!
She stands there, bewildered at my response, but thankfully she appears more confused than worried.
“Um… yeah, you should have that checked out.”
Thank God. We make our way to the male dorms, making sure to avoid anyone. Thankfully, it’s either too early for most people, or everyone was out celebrating last night, too. Whatever the case, we arrive without incident to my room. After downing my pills, Hanako sits on my bed and looks around. Now that I think about it, this is the first time she’s been here.
“So… yeah, this is my humble abode.” ‘Humble’ is one word for it. Hanako’s room isn’t exactly big on decorations, either, but mine looks like a concrete bunker. Even Kenji’s sounds like it has more personality, that is, assuming his charts and graphs actually exist.
“It’s… cozy?”
“You can be honest.”
“S-sorry…”
“Nah, it’s OK. I never got around to decorating, but I’ll see about something once summer break is done. Maybe a few pictures of my pretty girlfriend?”
A cute groan escapes her as she lays down sideways on my bed, her cheeks a little flushed. Never fails.
“Well, I’m gonna shower, I’ll be back in a jiffy.” I give her a quick kiss on the forehead before heading to the bathroom. Part of me is disappointed she didn’t come in to ‘enjoy the show’, though…
After all is said and done, we make our way from my dorm to the head nurse’s office.
“I’ll wait out here,” says Hana as she leans back against the wall. I nod and enter the office without knocking. It proves to be a catastrophic mistake.
“Who-at the fuck?!”
Sitting shirtless on a stool is a girl I’ve never seen before. She looks a bit younger, probably a second year, with snow-white hair tied in a long ponytail and crimson eyes not unlike Akira’s. Very angry crimson eyes.
“Gah! S-s-sorry!” I stutter out that haphazard apology and quickly duck back into the hallway, inertia taking care of the door. Man, today is just not my day…
“What just happened?!” Hanako is visibly suprised and confused by my sudden… whatever that was. I scratch the back of my head in an attempt to calm my nerves and appear nonchalant about the whole incident.
“Uhh… I just walked in on some girl getting a check-up.” My skills at discretion are top-notch today…
Hanako’s face turns as red as I imagine mine is right now. At the same time, she appears to be holding back a bit of laughter. Oh, haha!
“It’s not funny!”
“I’m s-sorryhehe… ahem. Who, eghm, who was it?”
“I don’t know, actually. Some girl with white hair, I’ve never seen her before. Maybe she’s new, or a second year?”
Hanako just shrugs, it seems her guess is as good as mine. After some time, the door opens and out steps the girl in question, looking just slightly annoyed. I waste no time in bowing deeply.
“I’d like to sincerely apologize for… that. I should have knocked.” As I rise, she smirks in amusement. Is that good or bad?
“Don’t worry about it, Hisao.”
“Huh? How do you know my name? We’ve never-”
“Rika Katayama, second year, been here since the start of high school. Hisao Nakai, third year, transferred in two months ago. We’re the same, you and I.”
‘The same’? What is she talking about? All of the things she mentioned are antonymous. She correctly guesses that my silence means I’m completely lost and changes the subject.
“If you’re clever enough to walk in on a girl half-naked, you’re smart enough to figure it out. You can’t fool me, senpai!
‘Senpai’? That’s a first… Anyway, I can’t make heads or tails of the game she’s playing; other than our apparent need to see the nurse at this moment, I can’t fathom any similarities between us. Regardless, there is one thing that needs clarification immediately.
“That was an accident!”
“I know, and I forgive you. Relax, Hisao, I’m just having fun. You can rest easy that no rumors will be spread about you being a Peeping Tom.”
“Gee, thanks…” What an enigma this strange girl is. I thought she’d be furious for my embarrassing faux pas and demand an apology, but instead, she seems almost entirely unfazed by the whole thing. Maybe it’s that the initial shock wore off, or that the nurse made her see reason? Either way, it helps to reassure me.
“Hisao…”
Hana’s voice brings me back to the real world. She’d been so quiet all this time that I almost forgot why I’m even here in the first place. She’s gone back to being cautious, having hidden the right side of her face behind her hair and turning slightly away. Rika’s expression softens considerably once she notices Hanako, which is odd. She seems… I don’t know, happy for her, in a way. I thought they didn’t know each other?
“Anyways, I should get going, I have a friend waiting for me. It was nice meeting you, even if it was awkward. Catch you later!”
And with that, she strides off down the hallway without a care in the world. Hanako relaxes once more, returning to her new state of normalcy. After a few steps, though, Rika turns around, a huge grin on her face.
“Be sure to lock your door at night, Hanako. Mr. Romantic here might just try to sneak a peek!”

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At this point, my reserve of surprise reactions has been drained for the day, so I just guffaw loudly. Insanity laughs under the pressure we crack, it seems. Hanako, for her part, is completely shocked, but eventually recomposes herself and smiles, quietly muttering something I can’t make out.

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“Alright, so what’s happening?”
I grab my shirt and put it back on while the good nurse sits at his desk and dots down some info on his clipboard, waiting for me to continue. With the physical out of the way, the hard part is now snaking my way around last night’s… performance without raising his suspicions.
“Well, we went into the city late in the afternoon and were out almost all night. We came back around midnight and I… kinda passed out. In bed, not, not on the floor or anything.” Oh yeah, completely inconspicuous…
At the mention of passing out, his eyes narrow almost to a close, analyzing me with suspicion. Crap.
“So, on this… date, was there any strenuous activity?”
“Other than the long walk back up the hill, not really.”
“Did you eat much yesterday?”
“We forgot to eat dinner.”
“Foul play, Hisao. What kind of date doesn’t include dinner? What about water?” His tone softens a bit, and he gives me a wink. OK, good, I think I’m on the right track.
“I drank a bit after karaoke; my throat was a bit dry. Other than that, I don’t remember drinking much, to be honest.”
“Hm…” He looks over his notes again, then back up at me, before fishing a small plastic cup out of his desk and handing it to me. Oh, gross…
“There’s a bathroom in the back. Fill this up to the line, mid-stream, please.”
“Sure thing…”
I do as instructed, holding back my disgust all the way. He takes the sample and after a few minutes, turns back to me.
“Low blood sugar and dehydration are a bad combination, Hisao. If you plan to make ‘dating’ a hobby, you should take better care of your body. For your sake, as well as miss Ikezawa’s.”
Huh, so even he knows about our relationship. Then again, between Emi and that Rika girl, I doubt anything happens in this school without him knowing about it. Speaking of which…
“Got it. Oh, unrelated, but… that Katayama girl? Do you see any resemblance between us?”
He cocks an eyebrow, probably about as confused as I was no less than 15 minutes ago. OK good, at least I’m safe in the knowledge that I’m not the only one. After a few seconds of reflection, he speaks up.
“I can’t think of a single thing. Why do you ask?”
“Because she said that ‘we’re the same, her and I’, but I have no clue what she meant.”
He leans back in his chair, but then his eyes open entirely, confusion replaced with shock… then something else. This is an expression I’ve never seen before. Even when he scolded me for slacking off on my exercises, his serious look carried an undertone of compassion and understanding. This? This is anger. Genuine, boiling anger.
“Damn it, Rika…”
“Um…”
As if he’d momentarily forgotten I was here, he recomposes himself and lets out a deep exhale, setting the clipboard down on his desk. At the same time, he opens another of the drawers on his desk and grabs something I can’t quite make out from my angle.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll deal with that later. Here, catch.” He flicks the contents of his hand at me, and I manage to catch it on instinct. Guess those soccer senses haven’t gone away just yet. After the jolt of adrenaline subsides, though, I manage to comprehend what the small, colorless foil packet in my hand is. Well… shit.
“One last thing; be sure to wash the scratches on your back thoroughly, you wouldn’t want to get an infection. You know, on your ‘dates’.
What’s redder than boiling magma? My face right now. He’s grinning. I’m completely and thoroughly embarrassed and he’s grinning. I just nod a few times and walk out of his office, failing to realize I’m still holding the packet in my hands.
“So? What’s the… what is that?”
“Eh?! Um, er… nothing…” I haphazardly try to hide the condom somewhere, anywhere, fumbling with my pocket until the damn thing finally slides in, but I’m too late to prevent what happens next.
“CONDOMS?!”3
There isn’t a word in the entire Japanese language that can describe the feeling of relief I feel knowing that there’s nobody in the hallway right now. Likewise, there isn’t one that describes the feeling of pure horror I felt just prior to it. All I can do right now is stare at her, dumbstruck. After initial shock wears off, her face turns as red as humanly possible. Finally, she finds her voice again.
“I-I… suppose it’s a good idea.”
“Yeeeaaaah… you wanna get something to eat now?”
“Mhm.” She nods vigorously at this, clearly wanting to move on from this little episode as quickly as possible. I pet her head just a little to reassure her, then offer my hand, which she gingerly accepts.
Breakfast went by uneventfully, thank God. The awkwardness of the event, nix that, multiple events, of the day seems to have subsided at last. Hanako and I then went for a walk around town, no real destination in mind, content to just enjoy 0each other’s company. There’s a lot more to see in this little town than I initially thought, and I enjoy the atmosphere a lot more than I thought I would. Having lived in the city all my life, the idea of a quiet life in the country seemed like such an alien concept, but it’s not so bad. Of note, we discovered another tea house a few blocks away from the Shanghai with a similar concept; Hana and I made it a point to drop by one day to see what the ‘competition’ looks like.4
After our little exploration session, we head back up to Yamaku with nothing else to do. We still have about a week left until we leave for Tokyo, and before that, there’s Tanabata. Hana mentioned that she’d procured a yukata for the event, and I’ve got to admit, I’m eager to see her in one. I don’t have one for myself but given the whole ‘shirt situation’ in Hokkaido, I’ll probably be pressured into getting something. Hopefully, a cheap rental. Distracted by my thoughts, I don’t even realize that we’ve made it back. As if guided by pure instinct, we’re back in Hanako’s room.
“So… I guess you’d like to wind down after a long day?”
By the time I turn to face her, she’s already locked her door and is doing her best at a seductive pose. She’s still new at this, we both are, but she’s putting in the effort, and I have to admit, it’s working. So, that’s what she means by ‘wind down’. I would like, I would love, to take her in my arms right now, to kiss her and love her just like last night… but I’m not sure if I can.
As indirect as he was, it’s clear the nurse knows what really happened. I followed his advice; drank plenty of water and had a good breakfast, but is that really all there is to it? Just before passing out, I could feel a change in my heartbeat, but everything happened so fast that I can’t tell for certain if our intercourse was to blame. I don’t know what to do…
Before I can think of something to say, Hanako makes her way towards me. I don’t know if it’s my mind playing tricks on me or if she’s putting in the effort, but her movements seem all the more seductive, making it really hard for me to resist. Every fiber of my body wants this, I can’t deny that, but I can’t shake the fear that if we do this, I won’t make it. And then what? Where would we go from there? How could we, as a couple, recover from that?
When she reaches me, her hands rest on my shoulders and she leans in, planting a tender kiss on my lips. If there was ever a doubt about her intentions, they’re quashed when she ever-so-gently bites my lower lip and stretches it just a bit before letting go. I have to tell her.
“Hana… I need to tell you something…”
“Hm? Is… is everything OK?” Her expression is playful at first, but when she notices my lack of enthusiasm, her tone dips.
Exhaling deeply, I sit on her bed, Hanako following my lead. Despite the growing look of concern on her face, she gives me the time I need to collect my thoughts before speaking again.
“Last night, I… I had an episode with…” I wave my hand around my chest; certain she’ll catch my meaning.
A jolt of panic crosses her face as she shifts her gaze to my chest, her hand moving toward it. Her touch is as gentle as it always is, something I find reassuring.
“A-are you…?”
“I am, I am. I promise, it was only for a second, but…”
Nothing else is said, either because we’re both at a loss for words, or because she’s waiting for me to continue. What can I even say in this situation? What could I offer that wouldn’t come off as an empty platitude? After an increasingly uncomfortable silence, she looks back up at me.
“That’s… why you went to see the nurse, isn’t it?”
I lower my head, too ashamed to hold eye contact. I’ve lied to her, and no matter what justification I can come up with, no matter how ‘noble’ my intentions, it won’t change that fact. I don’t know, nor if I want to know, how much of her trust I’ve lost because of this.
“Yes.”
A sharp intake, then release, of breath from her.
“Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I… feel so…” There’s no way out of this other than pure and absolute honesty, not just with her, but also with myself. I can’t hide how I’ve been feeling about my situation any longer, especially to the woman who trusted me with her deepest feelings and insecurities. She deserves the same from me.
“I’ve… lost so much since I had my heart attack. My friends left me, my hobbies became a danger, my home moved 370 kilometers away.” I can’t help but let out a dry chuckle at that last one. Despite having settled, the absurdity of that fact still boggles me to this day. “Hana… you mean so much to me… I was… I am afraid. The thought of losing you, too? It frightens me so much…”
I still can’t bear to look at her; my gaze is firmly on my hands laid over my lap. Hanako gasps quietly, almost inaudibly, her hands carefully finding their way over mine. I can barely see them through the tears obscuring my vision.
“Why would you…?” Her voice is so difficult to decipher; I can detect hints of everything from shock to understanding, fear to melancholy, resignation to reassurance. It’s a logical question to ask, given that all I’ve done so far is stall, avoiding the crux of the problem.
“I feel so… broken. I can’t go a day without taking those damn pills, I can’t walk up a hill without getting winded, I can’t… I can’t even love you without… without…” Ah, this is bad… I’m barely holding it together…
Hanako’s hands leave mine, instead moving them to carefully cup my face and bring my head up, forcing me to meet her gaze while she stares deep into my eyes. I expected to see disappointment, resentment, or even disgust in her expression. To my surprise, none of those is what I get.
“Hisao. I love you. Nothing, nothing, is changing that. Don’t ever think that you aren’t enough for me. Don’t… don’t think like I did. Please.”
Tears well up in her eyes as she speaks, and though I still feel pretty miserable about the whole situation, I can’t help but feel a warm comfort at her reassuring words. Before I can say anything, she speaks again, a fiercely determined yet somber tone in her voice.
“Don’t… ever keep things from me again. If something is hurting you, I want to know. Promise me.”
“Hana, I…” I can’t hold back anymore; I can feel the tears stream down my cheeks, a quiet sob escaping me for the first time since… I don’t even remember. “I’m sorry… I won’t, I-I swear…”
Her hands move to the back of my head and upper back, gently pulling me into her chest and holding me in a warm embrace. I don’t fight it. For the first time since I got here, I let myself express what I truly feel.
“Shhh… I’m here, Hisao… always…”
PoV: Lilly
“Hisao, Hanako… there’s something I… mmm.”
“Hisao, Hanako, something has… ah…”
“Why-do-I-keep-saying-their-names-each-time… ahem, my friends, I have something I need to… oh, damn it all!”
BEEP-BEEP “The time is… Twelve… o’clock… PM.” BEEP-BEEP
I’m startled momentarily by the clock on my bedside table, then by the lateness of the day. Have I really been mulling over this for two hours? Ever since returning from Scotland, my sense of time has been in complete disarray. I’d like to quip and dismiss it as simple jetlag, but that would be untrue. Truth be told, as next Friday draws closer and closer, I find myself unable to keep track of anything, really. Dates, plans, groceries, it’s all been thrown for a loop. I’ve put off the inevitable for over two weeks now, a fact Akira so crassly reminded me of last night.
I had rationalized in my head that the last thing we needed to worry about during exams period was the news of the summons, but I can’t hide behind that excuse any longer. Tanabata is in exactly one week; with Hisao and Hanako leaving for Tokyo the next day, that leaves us with just seven and a half days left. But perhaps there is still time? If I were to present them with the information today, wouldn’t that put a dark cloud over their preparations for Tanabata? Yes, yes… perhaps it’s best if-
Knock Knock
The light knocking at my door brings me back to reality. I’m fairly certain that is Hanako, though it’s hard to tell now that her mannerisms have changed so much. It’s quite endearing, and reassuring, to see Hanako grow into her own after such a long time. Just in time for me to leave…
Knock Knock “Lilly? It’s Hanako…”
Well, there goes the lingering doubt. I make my way towards the door and open it, putting on my best smile. Always, always smile.
“Good afternoon, Hanako. How are you? Is Hisao with you?”
“Hi, Lilly. No, it’s just me… um… can I talk to you about something?”
There’s a strange undertone in her voice, a mix of nervousness and embarrassment. It’s an odd combination, but at least it lets me know that nothing too serious is happening.
“Of course, Hanako. Come in.” I move to the side and hear Hanako’s steps as she walks in, then close the door behind her. I then turn in her general direction while making my way towards the dresser next to my bed.
“Would you like some tea?”
“Yes, please.”
I go about preparing the tea for us; the movements required to do so are so engrained in my muscle memory that I barely even register it anymore. Going with the flow. Once it’s finished, I set everything on the table at the center of the room. Hanako thanks me and takes hold of her cup and saucer, though she still sounds a little nervous. An icebreaker is in order.
“So, how was your date last night?”
There is a strange noise from Hanako as she coughs into her teacup.
“Aghe, uhm… i-it was f-fun. We s-sang together, it was… really good.”
OK, then… it seems my icebreaker was more of a freeze ray. These days, Hanako only stutters when she’s either caught completely off guard (usually by Hisao’s flirtatious comments) or when she’s trying to hide something. Though, she has always been a terrible liar, anyway. Still, it sounds as if things went well on their date, so I can’t quite pinpoint what she needs my advice for.
“It sounds like things went rather well, then! And where is Hisao? I thought he’d be with you today, preparing for Tanabata and Tokyo.”
“He’s, um… i-in my room, resting. He’s still a little t-tired from… last n-night.”
There it is again. I feel like I’m intruding on something, and I have a fairly good idea of what that something is. It’s not the first time I’ve had to nudge Hanako in the right direction in order to have her express what she wants to say, but we won’t get anywhere if I don’t. Alright, here we go…
“Tired? Just from singing? Did something else happen last night?”
“W-well… when we came back from our date, we… w-walked… the long walk up the hill and… Hisao f-fainted…?”
Mhm, ‘fainted after a long walk’, and I’m the Princess of Wales. So, I was right; they’ve crossed the final boundary. There are some details missing, but her and Hisao’s… private intimacies are none of my business, so I’ll pretend to accept her explanation. Right now, there’s a much more pressing matter at hand.
“Fainted? Is he…?”
“Y-yes, he’s fine, we went to go see the nurse and everything. He got some… g-good advice.”
Hanako takes another sip of tea, most likely in an attempt to calm her nerves. As much as I’d like to tease her a bit right now, the timing is most inappropriate. At the same time, however, I can’t help but wonder if what she wanted to talk about was this from the start.
“Well, if the nurse gave him the all-clear, I can’t think of any cause for alarm.” Damn it, resist, RESIST… “Though, perhaps high temperatures might sometimes aggravate his condition, so it would be best to keep a supply of cold water on hand. Especially considering the summer weather, things could get heated.” Lillian Satou, nooo… “And be sure that he stays covered. Ah, from the Sun, I mean! Protection-is-very-important!” Oh… oh, damn.
“Egerhk!” Hanako’s strange utterance confirms what I already knew. Well… shit. At least now we can stop beating around the bush… that is, if I haven’t just caused my best friend so much embarrassment that she’d rather never bring up the subject again. After a few seconds of coughing, Hanako speaks.
“Y-cagh, y-you… h-how d-did…”
“Hanako, I’m so sorry, I didn’t-”
“I-it’s OK…” She lets out a sigh and takes a few moments to steady her breathing, then continues. “There’s… nothing wrong with it, right? It’s… perfectly normal… isn’t it?”
“You were doing what lovers do. There’s nothing more natural, or beautiful, than that.”
“R-right! It really was…” That last bit was barely audible, but it at least confirms that things went well with them in the… climax of their date, oh, goddamn it… Compose yourself, woman!
“S-so… could you help me? Hisao is… well, he… I don’t want him to hurt himself again…”
“Hmmm…” I take a sip of my tea to stall for time. As much as I’d like to give Hanako good advice, my own lack of experience could render it unhelpful, or worse, dangerous.
“Well, first thing’s first… have you and Hisao talked about this? About… not straining himself?”
“Yes…”
Hanako proceeds to give me a more detailed explanation of the events. Naturally, she leaves out details deemed too personal or intimate for conversation, but that’s fine. In the end, I’m able to offer the best advice I can for their situation.
In the back of my mind, however, I’m both surprised and devastated by their ability to communicate openly with each other. Here I’ve been avoiding a life-changing subject for over a month while my best friends spoke from their hearts at the first sign of trouble. If nothing else, it’s comforting to know that Hanako is able to do so without help from me, reinforcing my ultimate decision on the matter.
“I’ll keep that in mind. Lilly… thank you. Really.”
“Of course, dear, anytime.” The last of the tea is finished and so is our conversation on the matter. Just as we finish cleaning up, I turn in her general direction.
“Hanako, if it’s not too much trouble, would you mind accompanying me into town? I seem to be running low on a few essentials.”
“Oh, sure! I need to get some stuff, too. Let me just let Hisao know…”
Don’t think I didn’t notice your hesitation, dear. She taps on the keys of her phone, presumably sending a message to Hisao. Soon, that will be the only way we’ll be able to talk…
Once Hanako is ready, we head off. Thoughts of my conversation with her linger all the while, and I keep coming back to just how honest she and Hisao are with each other. I wonder if I have that strength within myself…
PoV: Hisao
The world comes into focus as I return from my ‘short’ nap on Hanako’s bed. It’s funny; I had just gotten used to waking up in my own room, and now I feel the need to redo the entire process for the times I’ll be waking up in hers. Still, there is one thing missing from this experience: Hanako, herself.
Getting better acquainted with my surroundings, I notice the lights are off and the curtains are drawn. Still, a sliver of light makes its way into the room, allowing me to see that the time is around mid-afternoon. Getting up from her bed, I draw open the curtains and let the natural light of the day illuminate the room. Apart from a few essential items and decorations, there really isn’t much in here to see. Still, Hana’s room is a maximalist’s dream compared to mine, so I shouldn’t judge.
Speaking of, I wonder where she is? I’m not bold or crazy enough to check in the bathroom, especially considering that, unlike my hall, more than two students share the bathroom here… and I’d never hear the end of it if I walked in on Lilly by accident. ‘Nagged to Death by Angry Scotswoman’, what a thing to have on my tombstone. Deciding that the best course of action would be to call her, I’m greeted by a message once I open my phone.
“Went into town with Lilly for groceries. Back soon, love you!”
I can’t help but smile as I read the end of her message. Little moments like those really do brighten my day. Closing the display, I take another look around the place Hanako has called her home for the past two and a half years. It’s pretty tidy, as far as school dorms go. What few items she has on her shelves seem to be categorized somewhat, especially her collection of books. On the opposite side of her room next to the window is a small table that’s been claimed by her ‘going out’ hat and a stuffed penguin of some sort. I’ll have to ask her about it one day.
Just as I entertain the idea of grabbing one of her books and making myself comfortable on her desk, I hear the door open behind me. Turning around, the object of my affection walks in with a couple of bags in her hands.
“Oh, you’re up!” She smiles as she notices me but is struggling with the door. I make my way to her and take hold of one of the bags, allowing her to close the door… and lock it. Oh, boy.
“Hello dear, I see you’ve returned from shopping. Our provisions for the week, I’m guessing?” I put on the most ‘adult’ tone I can, struggling to hold back my laughter with each passing syllable. My teasing earns me an exaggerated roll of the eyes from her.
“Yes, darling.” Despite the sarcastic tone in her voice, I like the sound of that word, just as much as I enjoy the cackle of laughter that erupts from both of us afterward. Once we’ve settled down, she looks at me with a sweet but serious expression.
“Feeling better?”
I am, genuinely. Still, I feel like I can express that better than with simple words, so I lean in and plant a kiss on her soft lips. She returns it in kind, a small giggle escaping her.
“I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’”
With nothing more needing to be said, I help Hanako organize the things in the bags. Just as I’m about to finish, one box in particular steals all my attention and forces me to stop.
“Uh, Hanako? What are these?” I hold up the colored box marked ‘Assorted’, its contents rustling on the inside as I do.
“Um… condoms?”
“I… can see that, but where’d you get them? How did you get them?”
“Well, since Lilly and I were shopping, I figured… we were already there, so…”
I’m amazed by how naturally this is coming to her; I figured she’d be a bit more embarrassed. Still, considering her recent streak of boldness, should I even be surprised anymore? Hang on…
“Wait… you said you were with Lilly when you got them?” I can feel the panic rising in me; does that mean Lilly knows?!
“I… didn’t think she’d notice? I told her I was just getting some chocolate milk.”
“Huh, I guess you… you like chocolate milk?”
She relaxes a little at the change of subject and nods. I never saw her as a 'chocolate' kind of girl, duly noted. I finish helping Hanako organize her items, taking special care to hide the box somewhere discreet, just in case she gets any surprise visits from the Student Council. Hell would be a picnic compared to what would happen if Shizune found out…
With everything said and done, Hanako and I find ourselves at a loss for what to do. So much has happened today that I can barely believe it’s all been in the span of nine hours. My contemplation of today’s events is interrupted by the sound of knocking.
“Hanako, Hisao? It’s Lilly.”
I turn to Hanako, who seems just as confused as I am. Lilly sounds very… off. Like, ‘something serious is going on’ off. Hanako takes the initiative and unlocks her door, then invites Lilly inside. Once she’s in, Hanako closes the door again and guides her to the center of the room. I break the silence.
“Lilly, are you alright? You seem… stressed.”
She opens her mouth, then closes it. She repeats this movement again, still failing to get the words out. After this, she takes a deep breath and opens her eyes as if to look at us directly. Finally, she speaks.
“We need to talk.”
1 Lilly became Toph Beifong for moment. Toph Beisatou? Lilly Safong? That sounds like a Latin seasoning.
2 30,000 words in and we finally have the first headpat.
3 At last, my long journey has reached its climax. I have finally done it; included this line!
4 Pseud-Pseudo Suzu Route by ScissorLips
Bonuses/Scraps
► Show Spoiler
*** Bonus 1: Alternate Rika Talk ***
(This was the first talk with Rika I wrote before changing it to be less confrontational. Will keep around for future reference.)
“Don’t worry about it, Hisao.”
“Huh? How do you know my name? We’ve never-”
“Rika Katayama, second year. Hisao Nakai, third year, transferred two months ago. We’re the same, you and I.”
‘The same’? What is she talking about? She correctly guesses that my silence means I’m completely lost and repeats herself.
“We are the same.” As if to emphasize the point, she gently pats on the left side of her chest. Wait, what?!
“How do you-?!”
“Consider it payback for walking in on me half-naked. Foul play, senpai!
‘Senpai’? Whatever… I don’t know what’s more infuriating; her back and forth between serious and lighthearted, or how she somehow knows about my condition and is treating it like some kind of game.
“That was an accident!”
“I know, and I forgive you. Relax, Hisao, I won’t tell anyone. Hell, how about we even the score? Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Oh, and albinism, as you can see.”
Consider my sails completely windless. What an enigma this strange girl is. I thought she’d be furious for my embarrassing faux pas and demand an apology, but instead, she took matters into her own hands and somehow procured all my private information as ‘payback’. Not only that, but she also offers the same in return for seemingly no reason other than to try and reassure me.
“Hisao…”
Hana’s voice brings me back to the real world. She’d been so quiet all this time that I almost forgot why I’m even here in the first place. Rika’s expression softens considerably once she notices Hanako, which is odd. She seems… I don’t know, happy for her, in a way. I thought they didn’t know each other?
“Anyways, I should get going, Saki’s waiting for me. It was nice meeting you, even if it was awkward. Catch you later!”
And with that she strides off down the hallway without a care in the world. After a few steps, though, she turns around with a smile.
“Be sure to lock your door at night, Hanako. Mr. Romantic here might just try and sneak a peek!”
► Show Spoiler
*** Bonus 2: Alternate Chapter Sequence ***
(Halfway through writing this segment, I realized that if I did this, the events I had already written that take place after this would have to be inverted. Didn’t want to delete Hana saying “OH CRAP”, so here it is.)
Breakfast went by uneventfully, thank God. The awkwardness of the event, nix that, multiple events, of the day seems to have subsided at last. Hanako and I then went for a walk around town, no real destination in mind, content to just enjoy in each other’s company. Standing in front of the local Aura Mart, Hanako suddenly speaks.
“OH, CRAP!”
Her sudden outburst catches the attention of a few bystanders, whose looks linger in our direction before they go about their business. After Hanako comes back from the initial embarrassment, she turns to me.
“Hisao, I’m so sorry, I have to go! I promised Lilly I’d help her with shopping and I’m so late and she’s probably inside the market and I got distracted I”-
“Hana, Hana, calm down!” I gently put my hands on her shoulders to reassure her, giving her a gentle and reassuring rub.
► Show Spoiler
*** Bonus 3: Alternate (Depreciated) Hanako Talk ***
(After an hour of trying to make this dialogue work, I realized that it’s just not working. Rewrote it to be less dramatic and more “honest”, especially considering that after this, Hana has to be in good enough spirits to talk to Lilly about things.)
Just as she’s about to put her hands on me, I slink back and sit on her bed, defeated. I can barely force the words out of my mouth.
“…’t”
“H-Hisao?” Surely taken aback by my reaction, Hanako sits next to me, her hands reaching for mine.
“I can’t…” I manage to repeat, a bit more clearly. The look on her face has contorted into one of pain, one I’ve never seen on her, or anyone, before. Hana, no, nononono…
“B-but… I-I thought…”
“N-no, Hana, it’s not you!” I let out a deep sigh, knowing that there’s no other option here. If I avoid the subject, she’ll either think I used her or blame herself for what’s happening. The thought of either sickens me to the core.
“I… had an episode last night.”
“E-episode…? You mean…” As realization dawns on her face, she moves a hand to my chest, just over my heart, a tinge of panic in her eyes.
“I’m OK, I promise, it was-”
“No, you’re not!”
► Show Spoiler
*** Bonus 4: Girl Talk ***
(Maybe I’ll retroactively add the first one into the intro of the chapter which I still have not written. I just want to make Hanako say OH CRAP, don’t I?)
“Of course, dear, anytime.” The last of the tea is finished and so is our conversation on the matter. Hanako lets out a soft giggle, which piques my curiosity.
“Something else on your mind?”
“Oh, it’s… Hisao calls me that sometimes… it makes me feel… fuzzy.”
“Awwww~!”
“Sto-hop!”
“Of course, dear, anytime.” The last of the tea is finished and so is our conversation on the matter. Just as Hanako and I finish cleaning up, she suddenly gasps and speaks up.
“OH, CRAP!”
I’m momentarily taken aback by her very uncharacteristic outburst before recomposing myself. What just happened?
“Hanako? What’s wrong?”
“Lilly, I am so so so sorry! We had planned to go into town for groceries and I forgot!”
… did we?
Author's Notes
► Show Spoiler
Alright, so there’s a lot to talk about in this chapter. Let’s get down to business. First, we’re introduced to Rika Katayama. I tried my best to blend the two most popular interpretations of this character; not as cynical as Rikabro’s, not as adorkable as Sharp-O’s. I’ve been expanding more on this interpretation of the character in my Answers of the Day project, so by the time she makes another appearance, she’ll have some more personality.
CONDOMS?! Yes, finally, this legendary line has arrived, and while the recontextualization is not as funny, it still managed to make me laugh, so there! Hana ‘bout to run our boy ragged; there’s a reason the term “Squirtathon” exists.
Men can cry. That’s all I’m gonna say. It’s kind of odd that someone as depressed as Hisao (and believe me, he is) only ever cries during Rin’s route. Fear not, papa Alex (never calling myself that again) is here to soothe thy pained soul. Also, no, you are not getting specifics on what sex advice Lilly gave to Hanako. This is what we call a copout, fuck you. Speaking of that Lilly convo…
I. Fucking. HATE. Writing. For. Lilly. I have been writing this FUCKING SCENE for OVER TEN GODDAMN HOURS TWO FUCKING DAYS! Writing for her is as slow as she is at walking, which probably explains why Hisao almost always fucking dies in her route! Whyyyy do I do this to myself?! WRITE FOR HANASAO, YOU IDIOT!
FUCKING HELL, this chapter is long! I still have to write the intro flashback sequence and it’s already a whopping 13 pages long! Christ! Everyone gets a PoV in this chapter, huh? Dayum, son. Two days later: Oh… my… God. It’s finally done. At a whopping 15 pages and 7,356 words, the longest chapter (so far?) in Consolidation is complete. According to my currently fried brain, this took about two weeks. Jesus. Now it’s finally Thanksgiving break (actually, now it’s Christmas when I’m posting), so I can give myself a bit of a respite. Ah, who am I kidding. Onwards to the next one!
Thanks again to Tomas for the editing and to Sharp-O for the Rika sprites!