Yamaku: The Place Where Dreams Come True - A Clannad Crossover - (Chapter 8, 7/21/2024)

[guthrum06]

Preface: Some Notes on Continuity

Where this fits in Clannad: The events of this story occur following Kotomi's route in the visual novel. In other words, this Nagisa did not end up with Tomoya Okazaki and experience the events of After Story. In her own route, as well as in Fuko's and Koumura’s, she becomes sick and is unable to finish her third year with Tomoya and the others. This story assumes this happens after the events of Kotomi's route too. 

Where this fits in Katawa Shoujo: Katawa Shoujo takes place during the 2007-2008 school year. Nagisa was born in 1986 and is in her third senior year, so this story starts over a year before the events of the visual novel, during the 2006-2007 school year.  In other words, the heroines we know from KS are in their second year and Hisao Nakai is still in Chiba, blissfully unaware of his heart condition. The KS heroines aren’t the focus of this story, Nagisa and her fellow third-year students (OCs) are. However, you can expect to see them from time to time. Some more than others

Art by Beroki

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

Chapter 1 (This Post)
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8

---

Chapter 1

This feels a lot like last year.

It's the first day of the school year and I'm standing at the bottom of a hill. My school is at the top.  And I'm having a hard time taking that first step.

I just ate dorayaki at a tea house. My parents took me there yesterday, and it was really tasty, so I went again this morning. It was worth walking down the hill, but now I'm not sure I want to go back up.

Sometimes, when I have to do something really scary, food is the only thing that motivates me. It gives me something to look forward to. When I woke up today, my first thought was that I wanted to get on a bus and go back home. But instead, I got ready for my first day in a scary new place and put on my new uniform. That’s why I deserved a reward.

I’m not sure how I feel about the new uniform. I wore my old one for four years and got very attached to it. I was very sad to leave it at home.

It feels strange to be wearing something so different. The forest green skirt is cute, and I like the bow, but the shoulders on the blouse are a little bulky. I think I’ll get used to it with time. Maybe by the time I graduate I'll be just as attached to this uniform.

This will be my third try at finishing my last year of high school. I get sick all the time. So sick that I can't do anything but stay in bed for months. So, I haven't been able to attend school enough to pass my exams.  That's why I’m 19 and I still haven't graduated high school. Even if all goes according to plan this year, I’ll be 20 by the time I graduate.

Last year, my second attempt at completing high school started off so much better than I could have hoped. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to make friends because all the people I knew had graduated. But then, I became part of a wonderful circle of friends. I loved them all. They even helped me create a club.

It all fell apart though. I got sick and couldn't finish the year. They all graduated and moved on while I was stuck in bed. And now I’m doing my third year. Again.

I miss all my friends, but Tomoya is the dearest to me of them all. So dear to me that I fell in love with him. About a year ago, at the bottom of a different hill, he gave me the push I needed to make the climb and go to school when I was really scared. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have met any of my friends last year.

I clench my eyes shut and take a deep breath. I picture the boy who gave me that push.

Tomoya, I could use another push right about now…

I shake my head.

I can do this on my own. Tomoya gave me the push I needed. He helped me make friends and start the drama club. But I did a lot on my own too. I can do this on my own. It does make it easier though, knowing he would want me to do this.

“Dorayaki,” I whisper to myself as I take my first step. I have an extra one in my bag so that I can reward myself with another one for making it through the day. 

As I make my way up the hill, I wonder what they might have in the cafeteria later. At lunch today, I can pick out something they serve there as a reward. One that’s on campus.

After I got sick last year, my parents started looking into sending me to a different school. One for students whose medical issues make it harder for them to go to a regular school. One that would work with me to stay on track to graduate even if I got sick.

They found one. But unfortunately, it is very far from my hometown.

I have reached the top of the hill, and I'm standing in front of a large iron gate with red brick pillars on either side. It certainly looks fancier than my old school.

This isn’t just my new school. It's a boarding school. So, it's also my new home. Yamaku Academy.

I'm not sure what to make of it yet. I only moved here yesterday but I already really miss my parents and friends. I even miss my town. I’ve spent my whole life there and gotten pretty attached to it. I miss everything so much that I cried myself to sleep last night.

But my parents and friends think this place will be good for me. My dad even put aside his silly antics when convincing me to come here. He looked more serious than I had ever seen him. That's how I know this is important.

I go through the gate and look at the time. I'm supposed to check in with the head nurse in about five minutes. Around the clock medical care is one of the benefits of going here. Having medical care on campus is a big improvement. My hometown doesn't even have its own hospital. We had to go to the next town over.

Still, talking about my health with a stranger makes me uncomfortable.

I'm standing in front of the entrance to the auxiliary building now. The nurse’s office is inside.

I clench my eyes shut, whisper “Dorayaki,” and go through the door. 

A man in his early 30s greets me. He has purple hair, a lab coat, and a silly grin. He reminds me a little of my father in how he holds himself. It makes me feel a little more comfortable.

Nervously, I squeeze out the words, “H-hello, sir.…I have an appointment with…the n-nurse.”

The man's grin gets sillier, and he closes one eye. 

“That would be me. You must be Furukawa.”

I nod, “It is very n-nice to meet you, sir.”

“Come into my office, and we’ll talk.” 

I close my eyes for a moment, whisper, “Dorayaki,” and follow him.

“What was that?”

I feel my cheeks flush at being overheard, “N-nothing, sir.”

I follow him and sit across from his desk while he looks at the contents of a folder. His grin never leaves his face.

He looks up from the folder, “You have HIDS, is that correct?”

“Y-yes sir.”

For my whole life, doctors have said I was sickly and weak and prone to fever and that’s all there was to it. But after I got sick last year, Kotomi did everything she could to get to the bottom of my medical issues. I'm very lucky to have such a good friend. Especially one who is a genius.

After doing some research, she suggested that my doctors test me for a specific group of genetic conditions. I think she called them… ‘periodic fever syndromes.’ One of them came back positive. I was diagnosed with one called HIDS. Those letters stand for Hyperimmunoglobulin D Syndrome. I spent a lot of time memorizing that and learning to say it, but even doctors and nurses just call it HIDS.

As I understand it, having HIDS means the genes that deal with my immune system aren’t how they are supposed to be. They give bad instructions to my body, so I get flu-like symptoms even when I don't have any infection. 

The nurse gets out a stethoscope and approaches me. He listens to my heart, and then my breathing. Then he gets out an infrared thermometer. While he points it at my forehead he says, “How are you feeling today?”

“G-good. Just…nervous, sir.”

He nods and smiles., “That's understandable. It's a big day.” The thermometer beeps and he checks it. “You don't have a fever, that's good. Would you mind telling me how your HIDS presents?”

“Yes sir. I get sick for a long time with a high fever, and I get so tired I can't get out of bed. S-some nausea and aches and pains too, sir.”

He smiles, “You don't need to be so formal with me. I appreciate the respect, but I would prefer you to relax a bit.” He closes one eye and grins, “Plus, you calling me ‘sir’ is making me feel old.” 

I close my eyes tight out of embarrassment, “I-I’m sorry.”

I almost added a ‘sir’ but managed to stop myself.

He grins, “Not a big deal. So, how long are these episodes usually?”

I open my eyes, “At least a month…sometimes six.”

“How often do you have them?”

I sigh. “Once a year, usually.”

“Have you had an episode since you started your medication?”

There's no cure. After all, the problem is in my genes. They can't change those. At least not yet. Kotomi did say maybe someday, but not any time soon. 

But I am on a new medication that is supposed to make me sick less often and for shorter periods of time.

“No, I haven't.”

He nods, “Okay. You have your own thermometer, I’m guessing?”

“Y-yes si-...I mean, yes. I take my temperature e-every morning and night and keep a journal.”

He smiles, “That’s great. You’d be surprised how many students here are lax with their situation.”

“Oh…uh-uhm…I’m sure they have their reasons.”

He laughs, “It’s nice of you to support your new classmates when you haven't met them. They are lucky to have you. Anyway, you don’t need to come to see me unless you notice your temperature is starting to trend upwards.”

“U-um…what will h-happen…?”

“Happen?”

“I-if…I get sick.”

“Well, you should come see me and I'll check you out.” He winks. “I mean that in a medical sense of course.” He pauses for a moment with a grin on his face. 

It takes me a moment to get his joke. When I do I blush and look down at my hands.

He is more like my dad than I thought.

He chuckles and continues, “We'll start you on steroids and anti-fever medication, which along with your daily meds will hopefully ease your symptoms and shorten your episode.”

“Th-thank you for having it all planned. That is a relief.”

He laughs, “Of course, it's my job.”

“The teachers here will…understand if I get sick?”

He nods, “You would be excused from classes until you get better. Hopefully, with your new medication, it won't cause you problems for long. But the teachers here know how to be flexible. They'll work with you and do everything they can to help you keep up.”

I feel some tension leave my body, “Okay. Thank you so much, sir.” I sigh, “S-sorry, I forgot.”

He chuckles, “No problem, Furukawa. Have a good first day.”

I thank him again and leave the auxiliary building. I take a deep breath. That wasn't too bad. He was nice. It is a relief knowing that I have him to turn to if I get sick.

…WHEN I get sick.

Now I need to find my classroom. I hate this part. Everyone else in this class has been here together for the first two years. I feel out of place. Like an outsider. But I felt that way last year and things worked out okay.

As I walk towards the school building, I recite my mantra. This time in my head. I don't want someone to overhear me again.

Dorayaki. Dorayaki. Dorayaki.

There are other students around, but none of them try to talk to me. That's usually how it goes when you're the new girl. I think I would be embarrassed and awkward if they tried, anyway.

Just outside of my classroom, there's a large bulletin board with a sign that says, “Clubs.” I feel myself smile as I look at all the flyers. They are all very well made. More professional than my flier last year. Not as cute, though. No one used the Great Dango Family as a mascot.

It looks like they have a lot of clubs here. I thought maybe there would be fewer since the health of students might get in the way of club activities. I can see I was wrong.

As I look over the flyers, I see that there's track, astronomy, band, chorus, newspaper, art, soccer and more. My eyes linger on one flier in particular – Drama club.

I get out my notebook and excitedly write down the room number and time for the informational meeting. It's one week from today at 4:30 in the performing arts center auditorium. 

The bell rings, and I hastily finish writing and go into my classroom. When I do, I find that there isn't anywhere for me to sit. The room is filled to the brim with students, and there's not an available desk. Now everyone is looking at me as I stand near the doorway, unsure what to do. The teacher isn't here yet. I feel my face turning red.

Dorayaki.

My voice cracks when I say, “Excuse me…d-does anyone know where I can…sit?”

I hear a male voice say, “Yeah. For you, my lap is available.” Several other students chuckle with him.

I clench my eyes shut in embarrassment, and then a girl aggressively says, “Shut up Ichiro. I don't want her first impression of our class to be you.” I open my eyes in time to see Ichiro recoil and the class go quiet.

The owner of the voice stands up from her front row seat and approaches me with a smile and a comforting voice that sounds very different from the one she just used. “Hi, I'm Akane. I'm the class rep. Let's go find you a desk.”

I nod, thankful for her help, and follow her into the hall.

“What's your name?”

“Nagisa.”

“Well, Nagisa. Welcome to Yamaku, and class 3-1. Sorry about Ichiro. He's the worst, and he didn't waste any time in making sure you know that.” She sighs, “I apologize for not having a desk ready for you. Our homeroom teacher isn’t exactly on top of things. I was supposed to have our class roster a week ago, but I still don’t have it. So, I didn’t know about you.”

She has an accent I don’t recognize. I understand everything she is saying, but I’ve also never heard anyone talk quite how she does. Almost every word sounds a little off, but it’s hard to put my finger on. I wonder where she’s from.

“I-it's okay. Thank you, Class Rep.”

Akane is a tall girl who has dark shoulder length hair, with fringes that cover her forehead. She wears black rimmed glasses and has brown eyes behind them. She has a commanding air about her, but somehow also feels very friendly.  She reminds me a little of my friend Kyou from back home, who was also a class rep.

I follow her to a door that says, “Maintenance Staff.” She knocks on the door, and it is opened by a smiling man in his 40s with long dark hair he wears in a ponytail. He has a goatee that is starting to gray.

Akane says, “Mr. Kobayashi, can you please bring a desk to class 3-1? We are one short.”

He nods, “Sure thing.” He leaves his office and walks towards the stairs.

Akane turns around and heads back towards the classroom, and I follow her.

She continues, “I bet it's hard showing up here in your third year. We don't get a whole lot of transfer students. All the classes here are the same all three years, so everyone knows everyone.”

“I-it is a little hard.”

She smiles at me, “Just watch out for the guys, okay? Especially Ichiro. You're new. I have a feeling that means they will be extra interested.”

I stop walking and say, “W-why?”

Akane stops too and says, “Our class is 70% boys. And…you're a new girl. The first new girl since our first year, and you're pretty.”

I feel my face flush so I look down, “N-no…I'm not…”

Akane laughs, “Well, you're apparently pretty and modest. Just watch out for them, okay?” She studies me for a moment while tapping her finger on her chin. “I'm worried about you. You seem…defenseless. Why don't you come to lunch with me and my friends today? I can guarantee one of those guys is going to try to get you to eat with them, so you'll be able to say no.”

I nod, “O-okay…thank you.”

…

“Hey, Nagisa, was it? Why don't you come to lunch with me, I'll show you around campus. Help you get used to things. Show you how stuff works around here.”

Morning classes just ended, and as Akane predicted, a boy is trying to get me to go to lunch with him. It's the same boy who embarrassed me earlier. Ichiro, I think his name was. He's tall, with an athletic build. He has dark spiky hair and brown eyes. He has a cane, but one that he leans his elbow on, instead of one he holds.

“O-okay.”

From my side I hear Akane say, “Actually, she's going to lunch with me, Ichiro. Run along.” She points to the door.

He scoffs, “She said ‘okay!’ Butt out for once!”

I frown, “I-I'm sorry, I did tell her I would go to lunch with her first.”

Akane crosses her arms and pulls out her stern voice again. “See? Like I said, run along.”

Ichiro scoffs again and leaves the classroom.

Akane and I leave the classroom together. She sounds frustrated when she says, “Why were you going to go with him? Didn't I warn you? About him specifically?”

“I-I'm sorry. I'm not good at saying no. I get flustered and…I just…want people to be happy. And it seemed like he was being nice. So, I was going to do what he asked.”

He also reminds me a little of Tomoya. It's the attitude and spiky hair, I think. But it's too embarrassing to tell her that.

She stops walking and turns to look at me with a bemused grin. “You…really are defenseless, aren't you?”

“N-no. I…I don’t think so…"

“Look, Nagisa, I don't know how it was at your old school, but some of the guys here are only after one thing.” She pauses for a moment and studies me. “You…know what I mean when I say that, right?”

I nod.

“So…just be careful. If you go around doing what some guy asks you just to make him happy…well….”

I feel tears of embarrassment welling up inside me again.  I clench my eyes shut to close them in.  Then I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. And I hear a gentle voice.

“I’m so sorry, Nagisa. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I shouldn’t be teasing you. I don't know you well enough for that."

I open my eyes and see her gentle smile, which makes me feel better. “N-no…I’m sorry. I’m just…a crybaby. It's worse than normal right now. I’m…having a hard time, I-I'm sorry.”

She smiles and squeezes my shoulder, “You don't have to apologize when you're the one who is upset, okay?”

I nod and smile back.

“You let me know if I can do anything to help you adjust, okay? It's kind of my job as class rep.”

I smile back, “Thank you. You're already helping. You're a very good class rep.”

…

We go through the cafeteria line, and I am very happy to see that it is far more relaxed here than it was at my old school. There is plenty of food and it isn't insanely crowded. They have a pork cutlet sandwich too, one of my main rewards from back home. I can mix it in with dorayaki now.

Now Akane and I are standing in front of a table with two other girls. She puts her tray down and uses animated gestures when she says, “Hey, you two. This is Nagisa. She's a third-year transfer student.” She looks at me while she continues to move her hands as she speaks, “Usually we have a fourth, but she's out sick today.”

One of the seated girls, a pretty blond with blue eyes, gives me a warm, welcoming smile. It makes me smile back. “Hello Nagisa, I'm Lilly, it's lovely to meet you.” She pats on the seat next to her and moves an object next to her that I don't recognize. It looks like metal sticks bundled together, “Would you like to have a seat next to me?”

“Um…y-yes. Thank you very much.” I take a seat next to Lilly, who I notice is much taller than I am. I always feel small, but next to her I really feel it. It would be generous to say that my head goes up to her shoulder.

Akane sits down next to a girl with short blue hair and glasses, and they start gesturing to each other. 

Akane says, “Shizune says hi.”

Oh. That was sign language a minute ago. 

I smile at Shizune and say, “Hi. It's very nice to m-meet you. It means a lot to me that you are all so welcoming. Thank y-you all very much for your kindness and generosity.”

Akane moves her hands as I’m speaking. I know she must be translating, but it's a bit distracting. It will take some getting used to.  Shizune smiles and nods to me.

Lilly says, “My, you’re a polite one, aren't you?”

“U-um…am I?”

Lilly giggles, “You are. I think it's a good thing. People tease me for being too polite, though. So perhaps I’m not the best judge.”

As Lilly turns to speak to me, I notice she is looking over my head when she does. I also notice now that her blue eyes are very cloudy. She also moves her hands slowly and delicately to find her cup before taking a drink from it. 

She's blind. 

Akane laughs. “Shizune says it doesn't sound as pompous coming from Nagisa.”

Lilly clicks her tongue and pouts, “See, Nagisa? Even my own very dear cousin teases me.”

This makes me giggle, “My family teases me a lot too. It must be nice being here with each other. I…miss my family quite a lot. Even the teasing.”

Lilly laughs softly, “There are certainly pros and cons.”

Akane laughs, “That's exactly what Shizune said. You two sure are alike for people who butt heads all the time.”

The two cousins look annoyed by Akane's assessment. Which I think might prove her point.

“Are you both third years too?”

Lilly shakes her head. “We are in our second year. But we're class reps too, that's how we first met Akane.”

I smile, “Wow. You're all…so dedicated to the school. That's very impressive.”

Lilly and Akane laugh while Shizune looks at me like I’m some sort of animal she’s never seen before.

Akane says, “Wait, wait, wait…you're serious, aren't you? Most people around here who said those words would be mocking us. But you aren't.”

I shake my head. “You're all working hard to help students, and the school. I really think that's wonderful.”

Akane and Shizune exchange a look and Lilly says, “Thank you, Nagisa. I'm glad you view it that way.”

Akane laughs at something Shizune signs and brushes her hair back behind her ear. Only now do I notice that she has a hearing aid. It isn’t like the ones I’ve seen before, though. It has two pieces. One behind her ear, and one a ways above her ear and attached to her scalp. When she turns to look at me and Lilly, now that I know what to look for, I see she also has one on her other ear. They are both black like her rather thick hair, so I didn't notice them at first.

 “Again, Shizune said the same thing.”

Lilly sighs, “Well, that's not surprising in this case. I think we all appreciate someone as earnest as Nagisa. We don't get much praise.”

Shizune signs something to Akane, who sighs and says, “She wants to know if you’ll join student council. Lilly and Shizune are both in it. So is our friend who isn’t here today.”

“Wh-what? No. I would…just get in the way. But…I think it's great that you do that.”

Akane relays Shizune's message “Let me know if you change your mind.”

Akane rolls her eyes at something else Shizune signs. “You should make sure you're in some club. Don't be lazy like so many students around here.” Akane sighs. “Her words, not mine. Clubs aren't for everyone. I’m not in a club, for example. Class rep responsibilities and tutoring is enough for me. And yet, she’s still calling me lazy.”

Lilly says, “Surely, she wouldn’t include you, Akane. Your work as a tutor is just as demanding as any club, if not more so.”

Shizune signs something and Akane says, “Yep, she is. She says don’t end up like me. Join a club.” She punctuates the sentence with another eye roll.

 “Oh, I love clubs. I think students working together towards a common goal is…just wonderful.”

Shizune’s eyebrows shoot up and she starts moving her hands the fastest I’ve seen so far.  Akane laughs, “She wants to know if those of us who can hear you are really sure you aren't making fun of us. She thinks your face looks serious but is wondering about your tone.” She flashes me a smile as she continues to sign, “I’m telling her you’re serious.”

Lilly puts a hand to her mouth and laughs softly. “I was going to ask about her facial expression, I thought I might be missing something too.”

I frown and look down at the table. “Why do you all keep thinking I’m being mean?”

Akane chuckles, “You're just so sweet. I guess we must not have a lot of that around here. But you're right, we should have known you were serious from earlier. What club are you going to join?”

“Drama. That's the club I was in at my old school.”

Lilly says, “Ah, I think that is a very small club. They will be happy to have you.”

I smile, “I had to start it with some friends at my old school because people lost interest. I’m g-glad there’s a club here, even if it's small.”

Shizune signs something to Akane, who sighs. That seems to be a common response to things Shizune signs.  “She says if you started a club, you have what it takes to be on the student council.”

I look down, feeling embarrassed. 

I made myself sound more impressive than I am.

“Oh…w-well I had the help of…many friends. And we still never put on a play or anything…not…after I got sick.”

Akane says, “That stinks. Hopefully you can do a play here.”

I look up and smile, “Yes. I hope so.”

I just hope I can stay healthy for long enough.

…

I return to my dorm room for the evening feeling drained because of all the stress of the first day at my new school.

I sit on my bed and snuggle my dango plush.

The day went better than my first day last year. I made it up the hill without anyone having to help and I was able to talk to people on my own. I even made a few friends, I think. It’s sort of nice knowing that girls like Lilly, Shizune and Akane can relate to having their health get in the way sometimes. As much as I love my friends back home, none of them could really relate to that. 

I do wonder what all my friends from back home are doing right now. Of course, none of them are there anymore. The girls all went to university, Sunohara went back home to find a job, and Tomoya's going to cram school to get into a university in Tokyo. He and Kotomi are living together. I think they will be engaged very soon from the way they both talk. They’re young but…so right for each other. 

It's a good thing Kotomi straightened him out and made him want to go to university. I'm not sure what he would have done otherwise. He was so lost when I met him.

Lost like I was. Like I still am.

I squeeze the dango plush tight.

I would never have been able to do that for him. It's good they ended up together. She had such a hard childhood. And he was her long-lost childhood friend, so she has known him longer. And she’s better for him. And beautiful. And so smart. And a wonderful person. She deserves him more than I do.

But…I wish I could stop thinking about him. I would love this dango no matter what. It’s the cutest thing in the world and my friends bought it for me together when I got sick. But when I found out it was his idea to get it for me, I loved it even more.

I squeeze it a little tighter.

I look at the cell phone sitting on my desk. It has everyone's numbers in it. They made sure to put them in. Maybe I should call him.

I shake my head at my silly thoughts. He has a girlfriend. I shouldn’t be calling him, I don't think. Especially not when I feel this way about him. It wouldn't be right. Maybe I should set up a call with both of them. That might be okay.

I sigh and shake my head at myself again.

He's probably not even thinking about me. Why would he? I'm just the awkward crybaby he was friends with.

I nod to myself, feeling resolved.

I should do my best to stop thinking about him too.

[Silentcook]

The mere idea that you polluted the forum with KEY stuff makes me want to delete the thread, perma-accountban you, perma-emailban you, perma-IPban you, salt the Fan Fiction section and close it down for a month since I can't slash-and-burn it down. We at 4LS didn't much like KEY, and especially Jun Maeda - can you tell?

More seriously, my worry was that your stuff could have little or nothing to do with KS, a "reskin". That doesn't seem to be the case, so go forth. The stuff about KEY is true though.

[Frankyo]

I remain hopefully optimistic but I do come from watching the anime where Nagisa is with Tomoya, so her by herself at Yamaku will be sorta clashing with what I'm used to/expect. Since I've read your previous works and have seen your OC work with established characters I hope this will be a good fanfic as well.

We at 4LS don't much like KEY, and especially Jun Maeda

ootl, is this just a joke or what's up with KEY and you guys 4LS?

[guthrum06]

I remain hopefully optimistic but I do come from watching the anime where Nagisa is with Tomoya, so her by herself at Yamaku will be sorta clashing with what I'm used to/expect.

I mean, isn't the whole point of fanfiction to put characters in positions they aren't in within the canon?

[guthrum06]

I am joining Akane for lunch today. I have the past several days too. It has been the highlight of each day, getting to know her and my other schoolmates a little bit better.

When we enter the cafeteria my eyes and ears are immediately drawn to the table where Shizune and Lilly are already sitting. This is because there is someone new there. And she's very loud.

“Wahaha!~ Was Shicchan mad at you, Lilly?”

While we’re in line Akane notices me looking over towards the table and says, “That would be Misha. The one who was sick the last couple days. She's still not 100% healthy but…you wouldn't know it from her voice. She can be…loud and a little annoying sometimes…but she grows on you.”

I smile, “I-I’m sure she’s nice.”

Akane smiles back, “She is. One of the nicest people I know, actually. But I know you’re a little timid and she’s…the opposite of that, so I’m warning you.”

I nod, “Th-thank you. I’ll be okay.”

We get our food and walk over to the table.

Once we are closer, I see Misha more clearly. She has messy waist-length light brown hair and brown eyes and she’s wearing such a big smile that it makes me smile too. I also notice that like Akane, she knows sign language and is relaying information between the two cousins.

They have no way to talk when they are alone. I hadn't thought of that. That must be hard as family.

When we get to the table, I take a seat next to Lilly again, while Akane sits next to Misha. When I sit down, Misha loudly says, “Hi Nagisa! I’m Misha! Sorry I missed you yesterday, but Akane told me aaaallll about you!” She gives Akane's shoulder a squeeze.

“I-it's nice to meet you. You are a second year too?”

“That’s right! Do I look older? Wahaha~!”

Confused by her loud and out of place laughter I look at Akane, who gives me an embarrassed shrug and smile.

Shizune signs something and Misha says, “Shicchan says I need to introduce myself better. She wants me to also tell you that I also have class with her and I’m her…her…interpreter? and…” Misha looks confused, then she signs to Shizune and says, “That last part was too fast, Shicchan! I'm still sick! Slow down!”

Akane finishes for her, “And you’re in student council with them too.”

Misha smiles, “Thanks Akane!” She pats Akane on the back and smiles at me. “She's my sign senpai! I wasn't very good when I got here last year, but I’ve gotten so much better thanks to her helping me after class! Good enough to interpret for Shicchan. I’ll be just as good as she is, soon~!”

She still has this much energy when she’s sick? Maybe if she had HIDS she wouldn't even notice.

Akane laughs, “I’m just glad that you’re good enough now that I don’t have to go to student council meetings.”

Shizune sighs and signs something to Akane, who sighs in response. “She says I should have just joined.” She signs to Shizune and says, “You have a one-track mind, you know that?”

Lilly laughs softly, “That passion for student council is one of my dear cousin’s strong points. And…one of her weak points too.”

Misha relays the information to Shizune, who starts to glower and move her hands furiously, to which Misha replies “Wha? Shicchan, that’s too mean.”

Shizune glares at Misha, who relays Shizune’s words in a half-hearted voice, “Your weak point is that you don’t care enough about student council. And it’s such a big weak point it outweighs your strong points.”

Lilly sighs, “Yes, we are of different minds about this.” She shrugs and looks toward Shizune, “I can’t be too upset with you. I was rude first. I apologize, Shizune.”

Shizune hesitates for a moment and then sighs and signs to Misha who says, “I'm sorry too.”

I start to feel very awkward in the middle of this tense conversation between three student council members, two of whom are related. Luckily, it seems Akane has picked up on that and she steers the conversation elsewhere.

“So Nagisa, how are you feeling a few days into Yamaku?”

“U-um…I like it. I’m still getting used to…not being at home. But people have been nice and welcoming. Like all of you. I d-don’t feel like too much of an outsider.”

Lilly smiles at me, “Well, you’re a very sweet girl. It’s hard not to be welcoming.”

Even though she must be 3 years younger than me, somehow she feels like a big sister.

“Thank you.” I turn to Akane, “So, you tutor sign l-language?”

She nods, “It’s my mother tongue. So I don't need classes. But I want to teach sign language, so I convinced the instructor here to let me help out my first year, and I've kept at it.”

Misha puts an arm around her and hugs her so close their cheeks are touching, “And she's great at it!”

Akane blushes, “Um…th-thanks, Misha. But can you…let me go? This is…embarrassing. A-and I don't want to get sick.”

Misha laughs loudly and lets her go, “Sorry, sorry! I'm just really thankful for you. You have me thinking I want to be a teacher too, you know.”

Akane laughs but looks more than a little flustered, “I know. Actually, you want to teach too, right Lilly?”

Lilly nods, “Yes. I love English, so I’d like to teach it.” She looks towards me, "As with Akane, I want to teach my mother tongue. Well, one of them. I have one Japanese parent and one Scottish parent, so I learned both at the same time.”

“Wow, that's really amazing! My English is…awful.”

Lilly smiles, “Well, come exam time I may be able to help you a bit.”

“Thank you. I might need it.”

“Shicchan says she wants to be a businesswoman and…and…” She squints for a moment and looks like she’s thinking hard, while Shizune repeats the same hand motion more slowly. Misha sighs and turns to Akane, “Sorry to ask for help again…I'm really off my game today. Brain feels fuzzy.”

Akane pats her on the shoulder, “Philanthropist. Not the most common word, no big deal. Especially when you're sick.”

Misha’s dejected face turns into a big smile, “Thanks!”

Akane relays a message from Shizune “She wants to know what you want to do when you graduate. I think we’re all interested, actually.”

The other two girls nod.

I frown and look down at my food, feeling embarrassed in front of these more accomplished people who are already planning their futures despite being so much younger than me.

I quietly say, “Um…I…don’t really know. J-just graduating has been hard for me. My health has made it…h-hard. So I haven't thought thought that f-far ahead.”

I feel a comforting hand on my back. I look up and see Lilly's warm smile, “You have plenty of time.”

“Thank you, Lilly.”

Akane nods and gives me her own warm smile, “She's right. Maybe if you like drama club this year, you'll do something related to that.”

I force a smile, “Yeah, maybe.”

If I can make it through this year without getting sick for months on end.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm at the informational meeting for drama club. So far…I'm the only one here, and it's 5 minutes past the scheduled time. I'm starting to wonder whether I will have to start drama club here too.

Just as I'm about to give up, I hear the doors to the auditorium open.

I hear a boy say in a disappointed voice, “Only one?”

I hear a girl say, “Well…at least it's a girl. I won't be outnumbered anymore if she joins.”

I start to feel very nervous so I clench my eyes shut and whisper, “Dorayaki.”

Then, I stand up and turn to smile at the sources of these voices. I see two boys and a girl. The girl is walking arm-in-arm with one of the boys. They must be a couple.

I recognize the other boy as one of my classmates. He would be difficult to forget.

He's the largest person I've ever seen. He's so tall he has to duck under door frames and his shoulders are so broad that I think it would take five or six of me to match his width. In class, he has a special desk.

He has short, dark, curly hair and brown eyes, and a large square jaw. His appearance was a little intimidating at first, but even a week into class I’ve seen enough of him to know he's just a regular student who happens to be really big. He even seems nicer than most people. He also happens to be the best student in our class, even better than Akane. They have a little bit of a rivalry. But it's kind of one-sided according to her.

He has a slight limp and he uses a cane, one that goes up to my shoulder.

When they get close,he recognizes me too. In a booming, deep voice he says, “Oh, hi. Nagisa, right?”

I nod, “Yes. You're…Daiki?”

He smiles and nods and looks at his fellow club members, “ This is Nagisa. She’s a third-year transfer student.” Then he looks at me and points at them with his cane, “These are my friends Ken and Chiyo. We're…the drama club.”

Chiyo laughs, “Sorry if you were expecting something more. We just started last year, so we're small. We’re both third years, too.”

Chiyo might be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in person. If she weren't wearing the same uniform as me, I would think she was a celebrity. She's a tall girl with green eyes and chestnut-colored hair that she wears in braided twintails. Her delicate facial features and very feminine curves have me feeling a little jealous. Especially because we have the same outfit on. On her, it somehow looks glamorous. On me, it's just a school uniform.

The next thing I notice about her is that her nails are painted a very very vibrant red color, and they also seem to have some sort of design on them.

I smile, “I'm very happy there is a drama club. It doesn't matter how many members there are.”

Ken says, “Well…since it's just you, we can probably skip the really formal part and just have a chat. Let's take a seat together.”

Ken's a tall boy, though you wouldn't be able to tell next to Daiki. He has short black hair and dark glasses on. Now that he's closer, I think he must be blind. Like Lilly did when we first met, he is looking clear over my head when he speaks to me.

Daiki sighs and says, “…I'll sit on the stage.”

I am frustrated about being small sometimes and wish I was bigger. Before meeting Daiki, I had never stopped to think that being really big has some serious downsides. He doesn't even fit in these chairs.

Ken nods, “Right. And we'll sit in the front row. I'm good from here, Chiyo.”

“O-oh! Right.” She lets out a squeaky laugh. “Sorry, Ken.” She lets go of him and he takes a seat. I notice her face has turned red.

The two of them leave a space between them, so I end up sitting between Ken and Chiyo. Daiki is seated right across from me on the stage.

Ken says, “I'm technically the club president, so I suppose I'll lead. We're the drama club. We aim to put on one play each year. We’ll do one at the end of this trimester. That's…pretty much it.”

Chiyo laughs, “It really is it, isn't it? Doesn't sound very impressive when you put it like that.”

“It is impressive! Students working together toward a common goal is…beautiful. And doing a play as students i-is just…amazing!”

Chiyo scoffs, glares at me and crosses her arms, “Did you seriously just come here to make fun of us? You seriously didn't have something better to do?! You're pathetic. Get out of here and stop wasting our time.”

I look down and close my eyes to avoid her glare. And to hold in the tears that I can feel coming.

I wanted to join the drama club. But they don't want me. They think I'm being mean. How did I mess this up so badly?

Daiki quickly says, “Chiyo - she's serious. From what I've seen in class, this is real. She isn’t mocking us.”

Chiyo responds, “What? Seriously?”

He sighs, “Yes, seriously. It's okay Nagisa, we know you aren't making fun of us. Right, Chiyo?”

Daiki's words make me feel a little better. I open my eyes in time to see Chiyo uncross her arms and looking at me apologetically. She pats my shoulder. “Oh…I'm…really sorry for misunderstanding. So you…really like plays that much?”

I nod and look down at my hands while I fidget, “E-everyone at Yamaku keeps thinking I’m m-making fun of them. I’m sorry if it sounded that way. I d-didn't want to make you feel bad.”

Chiyo waves her arms, “No, no, no. You did nothing wrong. We’re just…jaded, pessimistic people. It's on us, okay?”

Ken laughs, “Us, huh? I only seem to remember one of us jumping to a harsh conclusion.”

She groans, “Fine. Me. It’s on me. I'm very sorry, Nagisa. I was a total bitch. Please don't go because of me. I want you to stay.”

She gives me a really warm smile, and it makes me feel a lot better. I smile back.

“I-I'll stay.”

She squeezes my shoulder, “Good.”

Ken says, “Well…now that that's out of the way…Have you acted before, Nagisa?”

“No.”

“What experience do you have with plays?”

I frown, “…none, really. I was in the drama club at my old school…but, I got sick and never did a play.”

Ken responds, “Oh. Well that's okay. We'll teach you, that's what clubs are about, after all.”

I smile, “So you three have experience?”

Chiyo nods, “We did a play together last year and we did most of it on our own. Our advisor isn't really the hands-on type.”

Ken laughs, “As you can see, he isn't even here today. We were late because we were waiting for him, but we gave up.”

Daiki laughs, “Don't worry. She knows how he is, he's our homeroom teacher, after all. He didn't even make sure our classroom had a desk for her on our first day.”

I smile, “Oh. I didn't know he was the adviser.”

Ken chuckles, “I don't know if he knows.”

“Yes, he's a bit forgetful. B-but very nice.”

Chiyo chuckles, “Wow, you really are sweet if you're defending him.”

I shrug, “I like him. So…when you did a play last year, what did each of you do?”

Chiyo says, “I acted. I also designed and made the costumes.”

Ken says, “I acted and helped Daiki with the set, sound and props.”

Daiki adds, “I directed and did all the other technical stuff, like lighting and set design.”

They actually know what they are doing! They are a REAL drama club! We'll actually do a play!

If I can stay healthy.

I smile, “That's…really wonderful. I don't know i-if I can be of help but…I hope I can contribute. I want to do a play with all of you. I want to join drama club.”

Chiyo smiles and says, “Welcome aboard!” while the two boys smile. They really seem glad to have me. I hope I don't let them down.

---

Class just got out for lunch. As I'm packing up my things, I notice there's a shadow over me and my desk. I look up and see the source of that shadow, and smile at him. Daiki smiles back and asks, “Do you want to come to lunch with me and the other drama club members?”

I look at Akane, who smiles and gives me a thumbs up. She's saying it's okay in this case for me to say ‘yes’ to this boy's request. I feel a little bad not going to lunch with Akane and her friends who have been so welcoming, but since she approves, I guess I shouldn't. Lilly, Misha, and Shizune have all been very nice to me, but going to lunch with my club does sound appealing. Shizune would approve of me becoming more involved in a club, too.

I look up at Daiki and smile, “Yeah, sure.”

Daiki ducks under the door frame as we exit, making me realize what a funny-looking pair we make. I can't even get close to touching the top of the door frame with an outstretched hand. But he has to watch his head.

We head to the cafeteria, where I notice Daiki doesn't get a tray. With his cane, I guess that would be hard.

“Do you need help?”

He bends down and says, “Sorry, I didn't hear you. It's loud in here.”

Yeah, and your ear is really far from my mouth.

“Y-you didn't get a tray, so I thought you might need help.”

He laughs, “I can get a tray on my own.” He grabs one and easily balances it on his hand with his palm facing up. It's so large that it's plenty stable when he holds it like that. He puts the tray back and says, “We're going to the club room in the performing arts center, so we can't bring trays.”

I nod and grab curry bread and melon bread. I haven't tried them here so far, but I liked them at my old school. After we make our selections, Daiki and I walk to the performing arts center. We chat on the way there.

“How are you liking it here?”

“I like it. I really miss my parents and some friends back home…but apart from that, it's great. People have been really nice to me.”

“That's good. I have really liked it here myself. But…I can imagine coming in for your third year being…daunting.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…first everyone here already knows each other and stuff like that. But, being around so many others with disabilities and medical problems for the first time can be overwhelming. It kind of was for me my first year.”

“I've…kind of liked it.”

He looks at me with a raised eyebrow, “Liked it?”

“W-well…maybe that's not the right way to put it. I have people I love back home. But…no matter how much my parents or friends care about me, they've…never really understood what it's like to have health issues.”

Daiki nods, “Well, that's certainly something we understand here.”

We go into the performing arts building and stop in front of a door that says, ‘Costume Shop,’ in fading, peeling letters. Daiki opens the door and says, “After you.”

I thank him and enter, and find a very big rectangular room filled with racks of dusty old clothing and costumes. There are also run down sewing machines and lots of old wardrobes and trunks. This isn't what I expected to see. It's kind of amazing.

I find myself drawn to one clothing rack in particular, which has several sparkly dresses with sequins. One of them has stripes of gold, silver, and red sequins. I find myself oddly captivated by It.

“Those are something else, aren't they?”

I'm so startled by the question I drop my bread. I was so distracted I sort of forgot I wasn't alone.

Chiyo laughs, “Sorry. I guess you were in the zone, huh?”

She bends down and picks up my melon bread at her feet, while I get the curry bread.

“Yeah. I got distracted, s-sorry.” I notice now that Ken is here too. He and Daiki are sitting around a table in one of the few places in the room that isn't filled up by clothing racks and other stuff. Daiki is watching us with a bemused expression. Even though he can't see us, Ken is making a similar face. I think he is observing us in his own way.

I take a moment to truly take in the massive quantity of costumes in the room and then say, “This is an amazing club room.”

Ken laughs, “If you like dusty old junk.”

Chiyo clicks her tongue at him, “I agree with Nagisa. This place is neat. I've spent countless hours here and I still haven't seen everything.”

Chiyo and I sit down with the boys. Only now do I see that Daiki is sitting on a very big chair. It is gold with countless fake gemstones, and it has huge arm rests. I try and fail to suppress a laugh.

He smirks, “Ridiculous, isn't it? But it's one of the few chairs at Yamaku I can sit in. It's probably a throne from an old play, but I was pretty happy when I found it.”

I smile, “I'm glad you found it too.” I sit down in a regular chair and kick my legs, which don't quite touch the ground. “I have the opposite problem.”

Daiki laughs, “I suppose you do.”

As I eat my bread I think about the room I'm in and realize I have some questions.

I must have looked curious, because Chiyo taps Ken on the shoulder and says, “Explain this room to Nagisa.”

He nods, “As you can see, drama used to be a much larger club. Kind of like band. With dozens of members and regular performances throughout the year.”

“What happened?”

“We’re not entirely sure. But by about 10 years ago it was defunct. We found that all out when we started the club again last year and then our advisor showed us this room. We found some stuff that told us a little about it in here, but not much.”

I nod, “At my old school…the drama club was defunct too. My friends and I brought it back last year. My advisor there said…young people just aren't interested in plays anymore.”

Ken laughs, “Given the attendance at our performance last year…your old advisor knows what he's talking about.”

Chiyo slaps his arm, “Don't scare her away!”

He scoffs, “This coming from the girl who tore her head off within a minute of meeting her?”

Chiyo pouts, “D-don't bring that up! I'm trying to forget how awful of a person I was. I was up all night cringing at myself.”

Daiki laughs, “We all were.”

I laugh softly, “I-it's okay Chiyo. It was just a misunderstanding. You d-don't need to lose sleep about it.”

She smiles at me, “You're comforting me after I was awful to you? Are you like…the sweetest person ever?”

“I…I d-don’t think so.”

“Hmm…Yeah, the sweetest person ever probably wouldn't say they were the sweetest person ever.”

Ken clears his throat, “Can we…maybe get back on track, Chiyo? We were talking about the meager attendance at the play, remember?”

I nod, “H-how many came to your play?”

“Maybe 20 people? About 19 of which were faculty, staff, or our families. So, not a whole lot of young people. It's like your adviser said, not many of them are interested in plays.”

“Well, that's still an audience.”

Chiyo nods, “That's right. Don't mind Ken, he's gotta be the most pessimistic club president in the history of Yamaku.”

He scoffs at her, “I'm just a realist.”

Chiyo giggles and pokes Ken's arm, “I think that's on page 5 of the pessimist script. You know it so well you’re off-book.”

He laughs at her, “Fine, fine. I'm a little too negative. I should do better with new blood in the mix.”

—-----------------------------------

I'm at my first official club meeting, in the same room where we have lunch.

Ken says, “It would be nice if we could pick out a play by the end of the month. Any ideas?”

Chiyo says, “Well…how many willing actors do we have?”

I wait for someone to respond. But then I realize that my three clubmates are looking at me expectantly. They already know who is and isn't acting except for me.

Dorayaki.

“U-um…I'm willing to act if it will help. I d-don't have any experience though. I don't want to hold you back. O-or…ruin the performance. So maybe I should stay off the stage?”

Chiyo waves her hand at me, “If you’re willing, we’ll use you. The only way to get that experience is…well, to get experience.”

“O-okay…I'll do it. If you two help me learn.”

Ken and Chiyo both nod.

Daiki says, “So…three actors, then. We should look for plays with three roles. We could have someone play multiple roles, but that’s pushing it.”

I look at Daiki, “You don't want to act?”

“Well, we need one person who isn’t anyway, for the tech stuff. And…there aren't a lot of roles that work for me anyway.” He laughs. “Maybe if we do Beauty and the Beast. I can turn into Ken at the end.”

Chiyo and Ken laugh, but I don't. I don’t like how he's talking about himself. He's not a beast.

“I-if you want to act, you should. I can learn the other stuff.”

He smiles, “Really, Nagisa, I'm more interested in the offstage stuff anyway. Thank you, though.”

Ken says, “Should we stick to one act plays again?”

Daiki nods, “Those are the most feasible for our little group and non-existant budget.”

Ken says, “So…I guess we should do some research. Why don't we meet in a week, after looking into some potential plays? We can each pitch one we really like.”

—-----------------------------

Class just got out for the day, and I'm heading to the library to find some one act plays. When I arrive there, the place looks empty. Even the circulation desk looks unoccupied.

I walk up to it, thinking that someone might see me and come help me once they do. My plan pays off.

I hear “J-just a minute!” from behind me, just before I hear a grunt, followed by several thuds. I turn around and see a red-haired woman sprawled out on her back with books all around her. She lets out a pained moan.

“Ow…”

I rush over to her and kneel down, and pick up her glasses which must have fallen off during her fall. “Are you okay? Here are your glasses.”

She reaches out for them and puts them on,and then sits up, “I…think so. How clumsy of me. I'm sorry.”

People tell me I apologize too much. Is that what I sound like? Would I apologize for falling down?

Probably.

I smile at her, “Y-you don't need to apologize, ma'am. Let me help you.”

As we pick up the books and carry them to the front desk, I realize there are so many that if she carried them on her own, she probably couldn't see over them. No wonder she fell.

She smiles at me, “Thank you. You're very kind. I'm Yuuko, by the way. The librarian.”

Now that she’s standing and wearing her glasses, I recognize her.

“Oh! You work at the Shanghai too, don't you?”

She looks at me for a moment and then smiles, “Yes, you're the dorayaki girl, right?”

I blush at her name for me, “R-right. My name's Nagisa. I'm a third-year transfer student.”

She nods, “Nice to meet you. Can I help you find something?”

“Yes, ma'am. I'm looking for plays. I'm in drama club and want to do some research.”

I feel far too proud at being able to say I'm in drama club. I think I may have even puffed out my chest when I said it.

She nods and points, “You can find plays in that middle row, where the bean bag chairs are.”

I thank her and walk to the general area where I was directed, but I haven't seen any plays.

I notice the bean bags look pretty comfy. This looks like a nice place to read. There is a girl with beautiful long dark hair taking advantage of one of them. The moment I notice her she silently points to the shelf in front of her beanbag.

She must have overheard the conversation with Yuuko.

“Thank you.”

The girl doesn't respond.

I approach her and she looks very uneasy. She holds up the book she's reading like she's afraid of making eye contact with me.

She reminds me of when I first met Kotomi. She is afraid of me and she loves books. I wonder if she's a genius with a tragic past too? Hopefully not that second part.

I position myself in between her and the shelf and she scoots her beanbag back a little.

I find a book called, 10 Japanese One Act Plays. I pull it out and open it to the table of contents.

The girl on the bean bag whispers something, but I can't make it out.

I turn to look at her. Her book is still covering her face.

“I’m sorry…I didn't hear you.”

She whispers, “L-living…”

Confused, I look at her for a moment while I try to understand. But I can't see her face so it isn't helping. Then I give up and look down at the book. When I look at the table of contents, I see a play titled Living with Father.

I smile at the girl, even though she can't see it. She must have peeked over when my back was turned to see what book I would grab. She must be as well read as Kotomi, too.

“You like Living with Father?”

The book moves up and down. That must be a nod.

“Have you seen it on stage?”

The book moves from side to side this time.

“Thank you so much for your help. I think I'll check this out and I’ll start with that play.”

She mutters, “‘…w-w-welcome.”

She is really starting to fidget in the bean bag now, and her hands are starting to shake. Her knuckles are white from holding the book so tightly.

I really would like to talk to her more about the play and why she likes it, but I can tell she's very uncomfortable. I know she would prefer it if I left her alone.

I thank her again and return to the front desk to check out the book.

[ramiroflores]

Is this called a novel

[guthrum06]

Is this called a novel

Well, I think it'll be about 100,000 words when it's done. So it's defnitely novel length! But...still shorter than my two other longfics.

[guthrum06]

I’m in the club room with the other club members. We're each going to talk about a one act play we found and then pick one to perform.

Chiyo sighs, “So, which stuffy Chekhov play are you going to try to get us to do this time, Ken?”

He laughs, “I suppose I’m predictable. It's called A Marriage Proposal, and it's a comedy where a guy proposes to his neighbor's daughter even though he doesn't really like her. Even during the proposal they can't stop arguing about every little ridiculous thing, they get engaged anyway because it's socially and economically advantageous for both of them.”

Chiyo raises an eyebrow, “Uh…huh. And what brilliant commentary is Chekhov imparting this time?”

“That people don't really care about love or emotionally bonding. Relationships are just about keeping up appearances and pursuing wealth.”

Daiki chuckles, “Sounds like a fun one.”

Ken sighs, “And what pray tell, do you want to do, Daiki?”

He laughs, “Well…I know you'll all just say no.”

“Th-that's not true!”

He laughs, “Thanks, Nagisa. Maybe you won't. These two don't usually side with me. I'm used to being outvoted by their little alliance. Anyway, I found a fun American one by Tennessee Williams called A Special Kind of Romance. It's about this guy who is moving into a new apartment building, and the beautiful landlady is flirting with him the whole time but he's completely unaware,” He takes a moment to wink at Chiyo, who blushes and looks away from him. Then he continues, “...and he's far more interested in the cat that lives there.”

I haven't been able to tell for sure whether they are a couple. I've never seen them apart and they seem very close. Daiki's wink must mean they aren't together, though.

Ken laughs, “That does sound like fun. But I feel like we would really need a cat to pull it off. Are any of the ones on campus tame enough, Daiki?”

Daiki thinks for a moment and says, “Yeah…not so much.”

I must look as confused as I feel, because Daiki turns to me and says, “My dad’s a veterinarian in Sendai. So, I trap the cats on campus and take them to him to get spayed and neutered before bringing them back. I also feed them and stuff. But as Ken suggested, they aren’t the cuddly kind who would do well on stage.”

I smile at him, “That's really nice that you do that. I didn't know there were cats on campus.”

He chuckles, “That means the spaying and neutering is going well.”

Ken says, “Well, we can keep that one in mind. Maybe using a plush or something wouldn’t be too bad. Do you want to go next, Nagisa?”

“S-sure.” I stand up and hand out the pages I made copies of.

Chiyo whistles and says, “Damn girl, you brought handouts?”

“Um yeah…I made copies of the play. I didn't really do much. The librarian helped me.”

Ken looks confused at first when I hand him an open book, but then his hands flit over the page and his jaw drops, “You…got it in Braille?”

“I r-really didn’t do that much. I just asked the librarian about the book I found the play in. It turned out they had it in Braille.”

He nods and sets the book down, moving his fingers over the page with a smile, “Well, I appreciate it. A lot. Tell us about the play.”

“It's called Living with Father. I-it starts sad, but has a happy ending. It's about a young woman a few years after the war. She lives in Hiroshima and she was the only one in her family who survived. Several years after the war, she still struggles with guilt and grief. Closes herself off from people. B-but her father has been with her as a ghost ever since the bombing. She spends most of her time alone with him.

Then, she meets a man that she loves. But she isn't sure she should be happy. She thinks she has to stay sad to honor her family. That it would betray them to be happy. B-but the ghost of her father tells her that she needs to move on and love this man. He convinces her, and then he disappears.”

I look around to see the reaction of my clubmates but I can't tell much from looking at their faces.

Ken strokes his chin and then nods and says, “I like it a lot. Especially because it's Japanese, unlike our suggestions. There's one problem, though: that's two male roles and one female role.”

I nod, “I thought…m-maybe we could change the father to a mother?”

Ken nods, “We can change it to Living with Mother. Might have to rewrite some lines here and there, but that should be doable.”

Chiyo excitedly says, “I love it! So much that I don't even want to talk about my play. I want to do this one.”

“Wh-what? I want to hear about yours!”

Chiyo shakes her head, “Nah. This one sounds perfect.”

Daiki says, “Okay. Then are we ready to vote?”

This is moving so fast!

Ken says, “Say, ‘Aye’ if you want to do Nagisa's pick.”

To my surprise, all three of my clubmates say, “Aye.”

Chiyo laughs at my silence, “You don't want to do the one you suggested?”

I look down at my hands, “I…thought it would be r-rude to vote for mine.”

She rolls her eyes, “Of course you did. Well, you're out voted anyway.”

Ken says, “It's official, we're doing Living with Mother.”

“R-really? You don't want to think about it more?”

Ken shakes his head, “It sounds great. Weighty and serious, but sweet too. A real crowd pleaser. And relatable. It will be a good challenge for us as actors, I think.”

Daiki looks up from the copied pages I brought and adds, “I’ll have to look at it more deeply, but based on what you said and what I’ve seen so far, we don't need any crazy set or technical design.” He puts his hand to his chin, “Maybe some complex lighting and sound for when she hears thunder and remembers the bomb, but that sounds like fun to me.”

Chiyo laughs, “You nerd.”

“Well, we can't all be aspiring actors and actresses like you two. Besides, actors need nerds like me.”

I smile at Chiyo and Ken, “You two want to be actors after graduation?”

Ken nods, “We joined a student acting troupe in Sendai last summer, and we're doing it again this year. We've really liked it.”

So, they ARE a couple?

No, wait. That doesn't make sense based on Daiki’s wink earlier. But they sure use ‘we’ a lot.

I smile, “That's really great.” I turn to Daiki, “Do you want to do theater stuff too?”

He shakes his head, “Engineering. But I really like theater. Doing tech and design stuff is fun, but I think I want to do civil engineering. What do you want to do after Yamaku?”

I should have seen that coming. Once again I have to answer this question in front of a bunch of ambitious people who know what they want to do even though they are younger than me.

I shrug, “I d-don't know yet.”

Ken smiles, “Well…if you like acting enough, maybe you can join the same troupe we're joining for the summer. That would be fun, right Chiyo?”

She knits her eyebrows and looks at him with her mouth hanging open, before smiling at me and saying, “Y-yeah, that would be fun.” She clears her throat and says,”Um…back to the play, I bet we have all the war-era and postwar costumes we need in here. Might need to do some tailoring, though.” She gets up and begins rifling through one of the racks.

We spend some more time talking about the play and making some preliminary plans before we read it together. I’m very surprised they are all so excited about the one I chose.

I should thank that dark-haired girl from the library some time. It really was the best play in the book.

After we are done with club activities for the day, we walk back to the dorms together. After Chiyo and I break off to go to the girl’s dorm she says, “Hey…do you want to hang out later? I have some homework, but you can come by in an hour. I’ll do your nails for you.”

I'm very happy about her invitation. So far, I haven't spent one-on-one time with any of my new friends.

“Yeah, that sounds like fun.”

…

“What color do you want?”

I'm sitting on the floor with Chiyo in her room. She has two dozen colors of nail polish for me to choose from. I'm excited for this. Maybe having my nails painted will make me a little more glamorous, like Chiyo.

“U-um…I don’t know. I've never painted them. What color do you think suits me?”

She looks up at me and then back down at all her nail polish before picking up a bottle, “Hmm…this pale pink should be good. Not too loud. It would be really cute on you, I think.”

I smile, “Okay…let's do that.”

I spread out my hand in front of her, unsure if that's what I should do. She takes my wrist and guides my hand to my knee. I spread my fingers out, and she starts doing my nails.

“Thank you…for inviting me. And doing my nails.”

She smiles, “Of course. We're the drama club girls, y’know? We gotta stick together.”

I feel myself smile from ear to ear at her comment.

Then she sighs, and stops applying nail polish for a moment.

“I should be honest with you, though. …I wanted to do this to get to know you better and hang out…but um, I also wanted to…clear the air, I guess. So, I also have…ulterior motives…”

“What do you mean?”

She sighs, “You’re going to think I’m really petty.”

I shake my head, “I won't!”

She chuckles, “You can't say that. You don't know what I’m going to say!”

“I know but…if it's bothering you, it isn't petty. You should talk about it.”

She nods and then sighs, “I-it's embarrassing, but I just have to say it - I-I’m…in love with Ken.” She blushes and looks away from me.

I smile, “I thought you might be.”

She rolls her eyes, “Yeah…everyone knows but him. He's the densest guy in the world.”

“Well…he can't see your face when you blush and get all flustered around him, right?”

“True. But I still think it's obvious even if he can't see.”

I laugh, “Probably.”

She looks afraid of the answer when she asks, “So…um…do you maybe…like him?”

I shake my head. “H-he's nice and he’s handsome. I can see why you like him. But I don't.’”

She exhales and laughs softly, “Thank God! I was really worried you did, and this would come off as me saying ‘dibs!’ and then we would hate each other forever.”

“Even if I liked him too, I wouldn't hate you. And…you've known him longer, so it would be fair for you to tell me to back off.”

Chiyo rolls her eyes at me, “You're like a little angel.” She smirks, "Kind of look like one too.”

“I-is that good?”

She laughs, “I think so. Makes you easy to talk to.”

She goes back to painting my nails and we are silent for a while as I think about her situation. I don't want her to make the same mistake I did.

When she finishes I say, “If he isn't getting that you like him…why don't you confess?”

She frowns, “I don't know. It's…complicated.”

“Does he like someone else?”

“I don't think so. And I would probably know, because he’s also my best friend.” She looks at me closely. “I'm going to tell you something, but promise it stays between us, okay?”

I nod.

She smiles, “I've only known you a few weeks, but I'm already very certain you're not the type to go back on a promise. An angel would never break a promise, right?”

I sigh, “I-I’m not an angel…b-but I won't break my promise.”

She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eyes and says, “I can't have kids the usual way.”

I meet her gaze, but I'm not sure how to respond. What does that mean exactly?

Chiyo slaps herself in the forehead and chuckles, apparently realizing my confusion.

“That was a really weird way to put that, wasn't it? What I mean is…I don't have a uterus.”

“O-oh. I'm sorry.”

She laughs, “You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault.”

“I-I know but…it must be hard.”

She frowns slightly, “It…is. But it's better than the alternative.”

“I-it was making you sick?”

She nods, “Very. I had this thing…where my uterus was all messed up.” She frowns, and places her hand on her lower abdomen, “Adenomyosis, it's called. I got my first period when I was 11, and it was always really painful. I couldn't even get out of bed. I thought it was what all women went through and I was just weak. That's…pretty much what the doctors said too. That it was normal and I just had a low threshold for pain. B-but they were wrong…” She starts to sniffle a little and trails off.

I hand her my handkerchief and she smiles at me and wipes her tears.

“Y-you…don't have to tell me all of this right now.”

She shakes her head, “I want to. I know I’m tearing up and stuff, b-but…it feels good to talk about. Other than with my parents and medical people…I haven't talked about it before. ” Her eyes get wide and she looks at me, “U-unless I’m…oversharing and freaking you out. I can stop.”

I shake my head, “You’re not. I want to listen.”

She smiles at me, “Okay. Well…starting a few days after my 14th birthday, I was in debilitating, blinding pain about 50 times worse than normal…I spent the whole day in a hot bath because nothing else helped. And this time…it didn't stop when my period was over. I…burned myself a few times with heating pads, because that kind of heat was the only thing that gave me relief. I…have ugly burn scars.”

“I-I can't even imagine pain like that…”

Fatigue and exhaustion I can imagine. But the pain from HIDS isn't anything close to this.

She nods and grimaces, “Now the doctors finally looked into things and figured out it was a problem with my uterus. They tried lots of things, smaller surgeries and stuff. They wanted to preserve my uterus if they could. But in the end…the only way to make it stop was…taking it out. When they did, they saw it was so messed up I couldn't have kids anyway. So…it was the right choice. And I’m pretty much pain free now.”

I smile at her, “That's good.”

She smiles, “Yeah, it is. I still have one ovary too, so I have eggs. I can have biological kids if I want some day, but I can't carry them.”

I frown, “And…that's why you don't want to confess?”

She sighs and nods and then she starts speaking really quickly, “I know we're just in high school, so having kids doesn't need to come up. But…at what point am I supposed to tell a guy I can't have them? Should I tell him right away? Because…it kinda seems like I should. Any relationship could end up going that direction…and if I don’t tell him and he only finds out later, that doesn’t seem fair. And if I do tell him that might scare him into thinking I want to get married and have kids right away or something.” She sighs deeply. “I'm trying to sort all of that out.”

I take a moment to think about her words. They came out so quickly that I was a few words behind.

“That is hard. But…if two people are right for eachother and love each other, I don't think anything can keep them apart. If it's right…he'll understand.”

Chiyo laughs, “That's a very Nagisa thing to say.”

I frown at her.

She smiles, “I mean that…in a good way. I hope you're right. I really want to tell him. But at the same time I'm thankful he's so dense that I haven't had to tell him.”

“So you kind of like how things are?”

She frowns, “In some ways. In addition to the usual fears about a confession - like being rejected - I'm also scared of losing my best friend, and I'm scared of how he'll react to my…medical situation. So, I'm…just not sure.”

“I'm not either.”

After a few moments of silence she says, “What's worse, is, we've been close since we started drama club last year. So I've lied to him about it for a long time. So…I also have to tell him that at some point…”

“You lied?”

She nods guiltily, “I lie to everyone about my health. I-I’m…embarrassed about it. You…and one other person are the only students who know.” She hugs herself, frowns and looks off to the side. “And…the other person didn't find out because I wanted them to.” She shakes her head. “Anyway, I say I have anemia. Sometimes my hormone therapy doesn't keep things balanced and it makes me a little fatigued. So I tell people it's anemia. I lie because I don't want everyone to know the truth. Awful, isn't it?”

I shake my head.

She laughs wryly, “Oh, come on Nagisa. I bet you've never lied. No matter what. And here I am claiming to have a condition people actually suffer from, just to cover up embarrassment.”

“I don't usually lie. But…I might in your situation. It would be hard when it comes to…boys.”

She exhales, “If even an angel would consider lying, that makes me feel much better.”

I guess she’s just going to call me an angel from now on. I guess there are worse nicknames.

“I think…he will understand that lie when you explain it to him. A-and…if he doesn't, you probably don't want to be with him.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

She isn't getting this. I need to be more forceful. Can I DO forceful?

I put my hands on her shoulders and look her in the eyes, “Y-you need to tell him soon, Chiyo.”

She looks at me with raised eyebrows, “You said that with some serious regret in your voice.”

I nod and pull my hands back to hug myself, “Th-there was a boy I fell in love with…at my old school. But I was scared to tell him. I thought…he wouldn't like me. His friends were mostly girls. And they were all…prettier, smarter, and more fun than me. A-and…then he ended up w-with one of them…and I'm very happy for them…b-b-but…”

My lip starts to tremble so I trail off and close my eyes tight, embarrassed that I'm still getting choked up about this. Despite my efforts, I feel a few tears run down my cheeks.

I feel Chiyo put her arms around me. I open my eyes and hug her back, very thankful for the comforting contact. It's my first hug since I left home.

“You know, Nagisa…the whole reason I wanted to talk to you tonight is because I thought we might be rivals, and I was worried.”

“Y-you don't have to worry.”

“What I'm saying is, I definitely would have to worry if you were interested in Ken.” She breaks the hug and looks me in the eyes. “You're really pretty. And sweet, and smart, and fun. So…please don't ever talk about yourself like you aren't, okay?”

“B-but I'm n-”

She puts a finger on my lip, stopping me from speaking. “Look at it this way. You're my friend. Would you like it if you heard someone talk about your friends the way you just talked about yourself?”

I shake my head. She smiles and removes her finger.

“Okay? You won't talk about my friend like that again?”

“I…I won't.”

“Good. I'm really sorry about that boy. Sounds like a real dumb-dumb.”

I snap at her, surprising both of us, “H-he's not dumb!”

Chiyo is taken aback for a moment, but then she laughs, “I just meant he's dumb because he didn't pick you. It's just a joke.”

“O-oh. Sorry.” I smile, “Then Ken's a… dumb-dumb too. I think…if he could see you, he would know you like him for sure. A-and be in love with you instantly.”

She chuckles, “Instantly? You think?”

I nod, “You already look like a famous actress. I-I'm sure you have the boys lining up.”

She blushes a little and fiddles with one of her braids, “I have received…some confessions, it's true. But none of them are Ken. Between…being in love with him and my health stuff…I haven't ever wanted a boyfriend. Not that isn't him.”

I nod, “I know…I didn't mean you should settle. J-just…you should be as confident as you want me to be. You're beautiful, talented, smart…all of it. I-if you feel more confident, you will be able to tell him. Despite everything.”

She sighs deeply and nods, “You're right. And if I don't do something soon, he might end up with someone else. Like your guy. Seeing…how much you regret not telling him definitely makes me want to go for it.”

“I'm always happy to talk about it with you if that's what you need. A-and let me know if I can help in any other way.”

She smirks, “Well…there are…a couple ways. First, don't come with us this summer.”

I giggle, “I wasn't planning to.”

She laughs, “Good. His stupid invitation is what got me worried that there might be something between you two I didn't know about. Also…would you mind playing the mother in the play?”

I smile, “You mean, so you and Ken can have romance scenes?”

Chiyo blushes and then nods, “I really liked the play you brought, but I was extra eager to go with it because I realized I’d get to do romantic scenes with him. I think that will give me some more courage.”

“Sure. I'm the oldest anyway. I should be the mom.”

She looks surprised, “How do you know that? You don't look any older than me. If anything, you look younger.”

I sigh, “I know I don't look it. But I turn 20 this year.”

“Oh. Yeah, you are the oldest. Ken and I are both 17 and won't turn 18 until the Spring. You're…more than 2 years older.” Chiyo frowns, “Did your health slow you down?”

I nod, “I get too sick for school all the time. Doctors took a very long time to figure me out, like they did with you. So, this is my third try at my third year.”

Her frown deepens, “Man, I suck. Here I am complaining about my boy problems and-”

“Chiyo…it isn't just boy problems. You had it just as hard as me. M-maybe harder. I've n-never had pain like you did. And I haven't had surgery even once.”

She nods, “I guess it isn't a contest. We both had it crappy in different ways.”

I smile, “Exactly.”

“Well…thank you for sharing. And listening. What do you say we spend the rest of our little girls’ night not talking about our health or stupid boys and just being silly?”

I laugh, “Okay.”

She gives me a big smile, “Hey, do you want me to add a design to your nails? Like mine?”

She flashes her nails at me, which are currently bright pink with cute little flowers of different colors on them.

“It doesn't have to be flowers. I can do other stuff too, as long as it's simple.”

It doesn't take long for me to come up with something I would like. They are simple. And all different colors too.

With a big smile on my face I say, “Can you do the Great Dango Family?”

She looks at me like I'm speaking an obscure foreign language, “The…huh?”

By now I really shouldn’t expect people to know what I’m talking about.

“Um…wait right here. I’ll be right back.”

She nods, still with a look of confusion on her face.

I go back to my room and get my plush dango, before returning with it. She uses my plush as a reference, and before long each of my nails have a different colored dango. Now I can look down at my hands and see the Great Dango Family!

Chiyo still doesn't really get it, but she seems very happy that I'm happy. And that's good enough for me.

---

I’m leaving the performing arts center for the day. We did a readthrough of the play now that our roles are assigned. I have a lot of work to do.

Ken and Chiyo really are great actors. Especially Chiyo. Between her looks and how well she can move through a wide range of emotions, I can't imagine she won't make it as an actress. I think the gap in our talent is going to be pretty obvious when we’re all up on stage, no matter how hard I work. I have the most lines too. I wish I had paid attention to that when I agreed to play the mother. But if this helps Chiyo get the courage to confess to Ken, I guess I can do it.

As I reach the main quad, I hear beautiful music. I follow the sound, interested in finding where it’s coming from. Before long, I find it.

There's a girl with shoulder-length light brown hair and honey colored eyes sitting on a bench and playing violin. I stifle a laugh, because it reminds me of Kotomi’s concert last year. Unlike her, this girl seems to know what she's doing. I don't have much experience watching live music, but something about how she plays her violin makes it hard for me not to watch and listen. I find myself standing stock still and staring with a small smile on my face.

After a few minutes, she curses and stops playing.

She glares in my direction and points at me with her bow, “You. Did anyone tell you it’s rude to stare? Did you get my permission to listen and watch? Are you at least going to put some money in my violin case or something?”

I feel flustered. “Um…sh-should I?”

She glares at me again, “That was a joke, idiot.”

I clench my eyes shut, embarrassed at my stupidity, “I'm sorry. I w-was just…listening and watching. I stopped because it sounded very b-beautiful. But…I’ll go.”

The girl sighs, “No… I’m sorry. I’m in a bad mood. You…didn't do anything wrong.”

I open my eyes again, “Are you in a bad mood because you made a mistake?”

She strokes the body of her violin with a sad look on her face. “Yeah. That's…pretty much…it.” Then she looks up at me and smiles. It's so bright it's hard to imagine she had such a sad expression just moments ago.

“Do you know the violin?”

I shake my head, “I only knew you made a mistake because of how you stopped. I have a friend who plays violin, though. Y-you’re much better.”

She laughs, “Is it Hikari?”

I shake my head, “She was my friend at my old school.”

She raises her eyebrows and starts to put her violin away, “Ah, I see. You’re a transfer student. The transfer student, even. I heard about you.”

“Y-you did?”

She smirks, “Just a little. Here, come sit with me. I’m not scary, promise…first impressions notwithstanding.” She giggles and puts her violin in its case on the ground before patting on the bench next to her.

I do as she asks and then say, “Wh-what have you heard?”

“Just that there's a new third year girl. It's big news around here.” She winks, “Especially among the boys.”

I blush and look down. “B-b-boys?”

I guess I am not quite as invisible here as I was at my old school. It's smaller. And I am certainly more confident and talkative thanks to the friends I made last year and how welcoming people have been. I guess it makes sense people notice me.

My benchmate smirks, “Aw. You're shy. That's cute. They'll love that. Well…I think they already do.”

I sit in silence as my cheeks continue to flush, not knowing how to respond. My benchmate stands up with the help of a cane, and then picks up her violin case.

“I gotta run.” She laughs. “Well, not run,” she thumps her cane on the ground, “but you know what I mean.”

I stand up and nod.

The girl frowns, “I'm sorry if I upset you, bringing up the boys thing. I'm just teasing.”

I shake my head, “I-it's okay. I…I'm just shy, like you said.”

She smiles, “Well, it was nice meeting you. I'm Saki, by the way.”

I smile back, “Nagisa. It was very nice to meet you too.”

She nods and starts to head off towards the school building. As she does, she says, “Feel free to listen to me play if you see me again, Nagisa. I won't be mean next time! Probably.”

I smile as I watch her walk away.

[guthrum06]

It's late evening and I'm leaving the club room. I was going through some of the old costumes with Chiyo, and we found a good outfit for Ken. It's a gray suit with a matching hat. It probably won’t even need that much tailoring.

Just as I'm about to enter the girl's dorms, I hear the faint sound of someone sniffling. It's a sound I know well. My mom and I both cry all the time, after all.

It sounds like it's coming from the side of the building. I walk over and look along the narrow space next to the building. While it's very dark, I can make out the profile of a long-haired girl sitting with her back against the wall with her arms wrapped around her knees. And she is definitely crying. So hard that her shoulders are shaking.

I call out to the silhouette, “A-are you okay?”

The figure gasps and says, “I-it's none of your business! G-go away!”

Her response is so forceful that I flinch. At first I want to do what she says, and I start to turn around and head toward the dorm entrance. But then I realize I'm hearing a voice I know very well. That was the sharp tone and distinct accent of my class rep. She sounds like she does when she scolds Ichiro, except right now she's also choking back tears. She may still want me to go away. But I think I owe it to her to double check after how much she has helped me.

“A-Akane?”

She angrily responds, “Huh?! Who?!”

I flinch again before saying,“I-it's…Nagisa.”

She sniffles, “Oh. S-s-sorry…for yelling at you.”

“I-It's okay. D-do you want to be…alone?”

She's quiet for a moment. Then she sighs, stands up and walks over to me. When she gets in better light, I see her tear-stained face. And I see that she's doing everything she can to hold in more tears. It breaks my heart more than a little bit.

She's standing in front of me now. She silently shakes her head in response to my earlier question.

I hug her without saying anything. She hugs me back. From how tightly she is hugging me, I can tell she needed it.

After a minute or so I ask, “D-do you…want to come up to my room?”

She responds with only a nod.

…

Akane and I are in my room now, sitting on the bed together. She still hasn't said a word and still looks like she might cry more at any time.

It's hard seeing her like this. She is such a stoic, composed person in class and at lunch. But she's anything but that right now.

I grab my dango plush and squeeze it, before holding it out to her. “Um…m-maybe it's silly, but this really soothes me when I’m having a hard time.”

She takes it and snuggles it to her chest, and smiles a little.

After being silent for a little while longer she sighs and says, “I got…dumped.”

“That's terrible, I'm sorry. You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend.”

She sighs and squeezes the dango, “No one knew. Apart from the two of us. Because…b-because…b-because…” She trails off and shakes her head.

I put a hand on her shoulder to try and comfort her, “You can talk about it if you want to. But we can talk about something else if that will help. I just want to do…whatever I can to help you. Like how you always help me.”

She studies me for a moment, “Y-you…can't tell anyone, okay? Promise me. This is something that you can never tell anyone. Ever. A-and we can't even talk about it anywhere else. It stays in this room only.”

This is starting to scare me. What happened with her boyfriend that she has to keep it this secret?

I hesitate for a moment and then nod, “I promise.”

She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and forces out the words, “I…got dumped…by a girl.”

“Oh! Y-you…um…” I trail off, finding it difficult to say the words that are coming to mind.

Akane sighs and narrows her eyes at me, “Just say it, Nagisa. If you can't, there's no way we can have this conversation.”

She's right. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I just haven't known someone like her before, so it surprised me a little.

“You…like girls?”

“Yes. I'm gay.”

She seems to be studying my face, seeing how I’ll react to this news.

I nod, “So, your girlfriend broke up with you?”

She looks at me silently for a moment before saying, “Y-yeah. You really really promise to keep this secret?”

“I do. I won't ever tell anyone. I promise.”

She smiles softly at me and says, “Okay…I believe you.” She takes a deep breath. “It was…” She trails off and whispers, “...Misha.”

“Oh! I’m sorry. How long were you together?”

Akane frowns, “I confessed to her during Spring Vacation. So…six weeks, I guess? Pathetic I'm this broken up about it after such a short relationship, huh?”

“I don’t think so. I bet it hurts. I hurt from a boy I never went out with.”

She nods and then squeezes the dango tighter, “I really love her. I fell for her last year not long after I started tutoring her. I finally got the courage to tell her over Spring Vacation. She and I both stayed here and we spent a lot of time together alone, and I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I…wasn't even sure if she liked girls. But I had to do it. And I was so happy when she accepted.” She looks at me with some embarrassment. “I know she’s loud and obnoxious but…”

“She’s just…passionate and energetic.”

Akane half-laughs and half-sniffles, “I agree.” She sighs and frowns, “Anyway…she dumped me because she's in love with someone else.”

“Sh-she fell in love with someone else while she was with you!?”

Akane shakes her head, “She apparently loved this other girl before. She just didn't tell me. She…hoped being with me would help her forget about this other girl, but it didn't.” She squeezes the dango more tightly. “We went for a nice walk together tonight but at the end she suddenly broke down crying. She said we have to stop because she's j-just…using me.”

I frown, “That's…not very nice of her.”

After a moment I start to worry that the secret she wants me to keep is more than just that she and Misha are gay. Akane can be pretty scary when she’s angry. And anyone would be angry to be dumped like that.

“D-did you two get into a fight about it?”

She frowns, “No. That's what I should have done. Gone into class rep mode and told her to go to hell.

“You didn’t?”

She shakes her head, “I'm just a stupid lovesick puppy with her. I comforted her. Told her…I understand. Told her…I would be okay. That she didn't need to feel bad. I…I just didn't want her to be so sad.” She hugs the dango as tightly as she can as a few tears run down her cheeks, “B-but I lied…I'm not okay. I f-feel…betrayed and…heartbroken and…” She takes a shaky breath, “Like I’m not good enough…b-because if I was, I could have made her love me…”

“D-don't say that! You're pretty, and smart, and funny and ambitious. I…wish I was more like you all the time. Sh-she's just…a dumb-dumb.”

She halfheartedly says, “Thanks. You're sweet.”

“I-it's just the truth.”

She forces a brief smile and then takes another shaky breath, “Worst part is, I spent the last six weeks falling even more in love with her. She was my first…everything. I thought it was all so special and…a-and…sh-she…didn't…” Akane whimpers and then starts to sob.

I guess she couldn't hold her tears in anymore. It's impressive she lasted as long as she did. It’s like she's held them in so long that she can't control her body anymore.

She drops the dango plush and falls into me. She ends up resting her head on my lap as she continues to cry, so much that I can feel my skirt getting wet. I do my best to soothe her, by rubbing her back and stroking her hair. As a cryer myself, I know she probably just needs to do this to feel a bit better. I'll just be here for her while she does.

As she continues to cry, I start to get a little choked up too. She's hurting so much. Love is wonderful. But it can be so painful too.

After a few minutes, she sits up, wipes her tears with her sleeve, and sniffles a few times before snuggling my dango again and looking embarrassed. Her voice is raw and her nose is stuffy when she says, “I don't think I've ever cried like that. And…definitely not in someone's lap. That was…too much. I’m really sorry.”

I wipe away my own tears and give her the best smile I can, “I really don't mind. Feeling any better?”

She shrugs, “I guess. It's like…I feel too drained to be sad anymore. I feel…hollow.”

“I know that feeling.”

She chuckles, “Oh yeah, you said you were a crybaby when we first met.”

I smile, “Exactly. So you don't need to be embarrassed about crying in front of me. Sometimes…you just need to cry to feel better. And…you had a very good reason to cry.”

“Well…next time you want to cry, let me know, okay? I'll return the favor. I live just down the hall, you know.”

I smile at her, “I will. I'm…really sorry you're going through this. Love can really hurt when it doesn't go right.”

She sniffles and nods, “I really shouldn’t have had so much sex with her. I think it made it way worse.”

I feel my face flush and I'm unsure what to say. Noticing my silence, she says, “S-sorry. Was that too much?”

I shake my head, “I just…don't know anything about that. So I didn't know what to say.”

She sighs and then frowns at me, “You mean…because we're both girls?”

“N-no! Just…in general. I…haven't even had my first kiss.”

Akane laughs softly, “I should have known you meant that. Sorry I got defensive. Lots of people are…bothered by it. Two girls dating. But you really aren't, are you? You’ve seemed okay with it every step of this conversation.”

“Well…I think love is the most beautiful thing in the world. It doesn't matter who it's between.”

She tilts her head and smiles softly, “Wait, wait, wait…Does that mean you're…?”

She trails off and for a moment and I'm not sure what she's getting at. Then I make the connection.

“No. I only like boys. But I think it’s good for you or anyone to love whoever they want to love.”

Akane smiles at me, “Makes sense. I can't imagine you disliking or hating anyone for any reason, much less for who they love.”

She pauses for a moment and then nudges me with her shoulder, “You have to tell me about that boy you mentioned, so we're even.”

“Well…he was a friend who really helped me become more confident at my old school. But he ended up with one of my friends instead. I was really happy for them, but…it was hard being around them all the time.”

I didn't start crying this time. That's good.

Akane sighs, “Yeah…I don’t know what I am supposed to do about being around Misha all the time…in sign language class, at lunch…”

“Well…if you need to eat lunch somewhere else, you could with the drama club. I'm sure everyone would be okay with that.”

I see a brief flash of…something on her face. It almost looked like anger. Or fear? But why would she be angry or afraid?

“Thanks but…I don't think I’ll need to. I'll be okay.”

Akane looks at my clock and sighs, “I didn't realize it was so late. I should get to my room.” She pauses for a moment and then sternly says, “It’s against the rules for me to be in your room this late.” She winks at me and I laugh. She does too.

“Thank you…so much for this, Nagisa. I’d probably still be down there crying if you hadn’t heard me. You're a good friend.”

I smile at her, “Well…you’ve helped me a lot since I got here. I don’t think I would have gotten used to things here without you. So…I’m glad I was finally able to help you.”

She stands up and walks towards the door, still holding my dango.

“U-um…”

She laughs, “You’ll be wanting this back?”

I half heartedly say, “W-well…if you really need it tonight…”

She tosses it to me and I catch it before hugging it to my chest.

“I don't even know what it is, but it sure is cute and snuggly. Goodnight, Nagisa.”

She opens the door and heads into the hall before I can tell her about the Great Dango Family. I’ll have to do it another time.

---

“Ever since the bomb, you ain't been yourself. You're keepin’ people at arm's length an’ mopin’ around with a scowl on your face ‘til ya get home.”

We’re doing another read through of the script for our play. I was expecting the next line to be read, but Chiyo doesn’t read it. When I look up, all three of my clubmates are looking at me.

This readthrough is the first time Ken and Chiyo have critiqued me. They've been nice about it so far and I know I need it. But I'm still a little scared every time this happens.

Dorayaki.

“D-did I do something wrong?”

Ken says, “Not…wrong. In fact, the emotion you’re conveying with your voice is great for our first readthrough, especially with no experience. But, you need to work on your Hiroshima dialect. Try to make it sound more…natural.”

“H-how do I do that?”

Chiyo says, “Listen to a lot of it. Right now you are doing kind of an over the top impression, and it sounds like an impression. And it's kind of funny. Not what we want in a dramatic scene.”

“O-okay…I'll try.”

Daiki says, “What if the three of you just always do your Hiroshima dialect when we're alone? Seems like a good way to get her used to it.”

Ken nods, “That's a really good idea.”

Chiyo nods and turns on her Hiroshima dialect , “I'm thinkin’ that's doable. We could use the practice anyway. Well, maybe Ken don’t need it. But I do.”

Ken laughs and replies using Hiroshima dialect, “Practice makes perfect.”

Chiyo laughs and pokes his arm, “Well yeah, but yours already is perfect.”

He shrugs, “My voice is really important so I work on it a lot. Because I'm not as good with facial expressions.”

Daiki says, “Huh. Somehow, I never thought of it that way. Does that mean you're leaning towards voice acting?”

“I'd like to do other kinds too…but, yeah, that might be where I have the best chance.”

Chiyo nudges him and blushes a little when she says, “Plus, you get to go to work in yer underwear.”

He laughs, blushes, and nudges her back, “That sounds more like somethin’ you would like, as much as you like sleepin’ in.”

I wish she would just tell him. But at the same time I know I can't really know what it's like to be in her situation either. After all, I never even confessed to Tomoya.

But…why hasn’t Ken confessed? The more I watch them, the more I think he likes her too.

Daiki says, “Stop flirting, you two. We've got work to do.”

This makes me giggle, while the two of them turn bright red and suddenly are very focused on continuing our readthrough.

…

We just finished our readthrough and I have lots of notes on my script. It's a little stressful knowing I need to improve so much, but I know my clubmates will help.

Ken says, “Nagisa, how do you feel about rewriting the lines that need it now that your character is a mother instead of a father?”

“Wh-what? Me?”

Chiyo laughs, “So…not feeling so good about it?”

“I…just don't know the first thing about writing lines.”

Ken nods, “I know. And maybe I'm asking too much. But I think doing this will help you. Really think about your character. Really think about what will be different for a mother versus a father. That will help you understand her, too.”

“O-okay. I’ll…try. I just don't want to ruin the play.”

Chiyo smiles, “You don’t necessarily have to do it all on your own. But I think taking a crack at it yourself first is a good idea. Then we can talk about the changes together.”

“Okay. That sounds good. Makes me feel less pressure.”

---

I’m leaving the dorms to go to drama club. I'm running late, because I left my script with all my notes on it in my dorm room, and I really don't want to waste everyone's time by making the same mistakes they helped me correct earlier this week.

Just as I'm about to enter the performing arts center, I hear a strange sound. It almost sounds like coughing. But it's kind of squeaky. I hear the sound again, and approach a bush where it seems to be coming from.

When I hear the sound again, I kneel and look under the bush, and I see a black cat lying on its side. It looks like it is having a hard time breathing. Its sides are rapidly rising and falling, and it looks really distressed. It doesn't react to me at all. It just stares at me, unmoving.

Normally I'm afraid of outdoor cats, but this one needs help and isn’t threatening me. I gently pull it out from under the bush and pick it up. In the light, I see it isn't all black. It has splashes of orange on its fur. It's really pretty.

It hasn't moved at all, and it's body is mostly limp. But it's warm. And it's breathing. But the way it's breathing looks painful, and it’s letting out a little cough every few seconds. It just closed its eyes. That's probably not good.

Now that I have this animal in my arms I’m not sure what I can possibly do. I start to feel overwhelmed, and I clench my eyes shut to think.

Should I take it to the nurse? He would know better than most what to do, even if he doesn't normally treat cats. He’s nice, and I can't imagine him telling me to go away with a sick cat in my arms.

The cat REALLY needs a vet, though. And quickly. But I don't know where one is. Maybe my drama club friends can help me. They are waiting for me inside, so it makes sense to check with them.

Wait. Didn't Daiki say his dad is a vet? And he takes care of the cats on campus?

I open my eyes, turn around and enter the performing arts center. The second I enter the costume shop I hear Chiyo snarkily say, “It’s about time. Did you get lost or something?”

I reply, “Um…n-no. I found this sick kitty outside. I d-don't know what to do.”

As I approach the table where we’ve been doing our read throughs, Daiki’s eyes get wide and he stands up and walks over to me. He frowns and puts his hand on the cat. It covers pretty much her entire body.

He frowns, “Oh, no. Tortie.”

“Tortie?”

“Yeah. I’ll explain in the car. We need to get her to my dad.”

“C-car?”

He nods, “I have one.” He turns to Ken and Chiyo, “Sorry guys, gonna have to skip drama club today.”

Ken nods, “That's okay. Just hurry. She doesn't sound good.”

…

I’m in the car with Daiki, who is driving. Well, “car” isn't the right word. It feels more like a tank. It's a huge American SUV of some kind. It is probably the only kind of car he fits in comfortably. The passenger seat is huge, and I must look like a little girl who only recently got big enough to sit in the front seat.

I'm holding the cat in my arms. Its condition hasn't changed.

“Tortie is short for tortoiseshell, that's what fur like hers is called.”

I look down at her and smile, “Oh! I can see why it's called that. She's pretty.”

“Yeah, she is. I try not to name the campus cats, but it's usually useful to be able to refer to them by color at least ” Suddenly his eyes get wide, “I just realized I didn't actually ask you if you wanted to come. Things were kind of a blur.”

I laugh, “It's okay. It was a blur for me too and I want to help Tortie.”

He smiles, “I can't say for sure, but I think she likes you. Normally when a cat is in distress, it's eyes are open at least a little bit. Like they have to monitor their surroundings just in case. Cats only close them all the way when they are comfortable.”

This chokes me up a little, since her eyes were open when I found her. I thought it was bad when she closed them. I guess I was wrong. She was happy I picked her up. She probably didn’t want to be alone. I hold her a little more firmly, hoping I am helping her a little more.

…

We just entered the Matsuzaka vet clinic. The waiting room is empty. There is a woman in medical scrubs in an office behind a sliding glass window. She's looking down at something. Daiki approaches the glass and knocks on it and says, “Hey mom, is dad available?”

I would have guessed she was his mom. She has curly hair and eyes the same color as her son's. She is a very small woman, though. Hard to tell with her at a desk, but I would guess she is only a little bigger than I am.

The woman looks up from her desk with raised eyebrows and slides the glass screen open, “Daiki? Did something happen with one of the cats?”

He nods and points to me and Tortie. Surprisingly, she smiles. Then she looks at Daiki again with an even bigger smile.

“Well…she's a very cute cat.”

Daiki looks frustrated, “Mom, there's a cat suffering. Save this for another time. Or, better yet…don't do it at all. Is dad available or not?”

He just scolded his mother, something I can relate to. My dad needs a good scolding sometimes. But I don’t understand why he scolded her. Tortie IS cute.

…

We’re in an examination room. Daiki is standing and I’m sitting in a chair with Tortie in my lap. She hasn't changed at all.

Before long Daiki’s mother and a tall bald man with a salt and pepper goatee come in. He’s wearing a lab coat. I think in most rooms in Japan he would be the tallest man in the room. But his son is much bigger than he is. He doesn't share as many of his son's features as his mother, but there are some similarities in the way he carries himself. He gives off an aura of intelligence, like Daiki does.

“Hi son, sorry you had to come here today.”

“Yeah, sorry to barge in. I forgot to call.”

He smiles at me and Tortie and then looks at his wife, “You were right. She is a cute cat.”

Daiki sighs, “Will you please just examine the cat?”

I stand up with her near the examination table.

“D-do I need to let her go, sir?”

“There are some things I can do with you holding her. I'll do those first.”

He gets out his stethoscope and listens to her. He almost immediately frowns before moving his stethoscope around and listening some more. His frown never leaves his face.

After about 30 seconds he stops and says, “Her lungs are on their last legs. Filled with fluid. It's probably cancer. And it is probably quite advanced, based on her condition.”

I look down at Tortie and back up at him and ask, “Wh-what can we do, sir?”

He smiles at me, “Unfortunately, the best we can do is help her go peacefully.”

I sniffle and look down at Tortie, “Oh.”

“Do you want to take her back and bury her?”

Daiki nods, “We'll bury her on campus, like the others.”

His dad nods and then his mother opens up a drawer. She starts pulling out syringes and other objects I don't recognize.

Daiki says, “You don't have to be here for this part, Nagisa.”

I do my best to speak as I start to cry, “I know. B-but…you said she's comfortable with me. S-so, I want to stay with her and keep her comfortable until she...goes”

Daiki's father nods, “Okay. You staying too, son?”

“Yeah, I'll stay.”

His mom grins, “Interesting. You don't normally.”

“Mom, this isn't really the time for you to be weird. Just do your job.”

She nods and hands the syringe she prepared to her husband who says, “Okay. I'm going to give her this injection…and then she'll drift away peacefully.”

“C-can you do it while I'm holding her?”

He smiles, “I can. Ready?”

I nod as more tears start to fall down my face. I feel a warm sensation on my back, and it takes me a moment to realize it's Daiki's hand because it takes up a good three-quarters of my back. Not something most hands would do. Once I realize, it does have a comforting effect. Like a security blanket.

Daiki's dad gives Tortie the injection, and she almost immediately goes completely limp. A few seconds later, her labored breathing stops. A few seconds after that, her eyes open.

Dr. Matsuzaka listens to her with his stethoscope and quietly says, “She's gone. I'll take her. We have a nice box we can put her in.”

I hesitate, because I haven't let go of Tortie since I found her. I don't want to let her go. But then I come to my senses and hand her over to Mrs. Matsuzaka.

He says, “You two can stay here as long as you need.”

“Th-thanks, dad.”

Through my tears I manage to say, “Yes, th-thank you…Dr. and Mrs. Matsuzaka.”

He smiles and nods, “Of course.” Then they leave the examination room with Tortie.

I let out a few sobs, but then pull myself together. When I look up at my companion, I'm surprised to see I'm not the only one crying. He’s composed unlike me, but there are tears on his cheeks.

He notices me looking at him and laughs awkwardly before wiping his tears, “This is why I can't go into the family business. I don't do well when animals pass. Sorry you had to see it.”

I smile up at him, “Don't be sorry. I think it's sweet you care so much about Tortie.”

He smiles back, “Yeah. I do my best not to get attached. Outdoor cats usually have short lives. But I do see the ones on campus a couple times a week, you know? And…realizing I won't see her anymore…makes me sad.”

I sniffle loudly and say, “Well, I just met her today, and I was sobbing a minute ago.”

He laughs, “That's true. You can get away with it though, you’re a girl.”

“Don’t worry, I won't let it get out that you cried over Tortie.”

He laughs, “Thank you for your discretion.”

Mrs. Matsuzaka comes back with a Tortie-sized wooden box. I take it and hold it to my chest, like I was holding her earlier.

She smiles at me and says, “So, can you two stay for dinner?”

Daiki sighs, “Mom. Read the room. A cat just died. We’re going to go back to campus and bury her as soon as possible.”

I nod, “B-but…thank you so much for the invitation, ma'am.”

She nods, “I’m sure we’ll have another chance some time soon. Drive safe, kids.”

Daiki picks up the box.

Only now that Daiki removes his hand from my back do I realize it has been there this whole time.

…

We're in the car, headed back to Yamaku.

“Sorry…my parents were…like that.”

“Like what? They were really sweet.”

Daiki chuckles, “Well…if you didn't notice anything, I don't need to bring it up.”

I look down at my hands, embarrassed I missed something. “I'm confused, so I guess I didn't notice.”

We're quiet for a while and then I say, “They are okay with you burying her on campus?”

He nods, “I have the approval of the groundskeeper. He was burying them before I ever came along, actually.”

I touch the box sitting between us, “That's good.”

…

My fellow drama club members and I are standing around a hole that Daiki dug behind the performing arts center. I’m holding Tortie’s box.

I was a little worried about Daiki digging because of his cane. I offered to do it and he did his best not to show it, but I think he got annoyed with me. More than he did when I offered to help him in the cafeteria. I need to stop doing that. He has a cane, but he really isn't that limited. He had no problem digging a hole. In fact, it was pretty effortless for him.

He says, “Nagisa, you can put her down, now.”

I nod and put Tortie’s box in the hole.

I step back and say, “Bye, Tortie. It was nice meeting you today. I'm glad you're not suffering anymore.”

I'm proud of myself for getting through that without being too choked up. I guess I already cried a bunch about her.

Daiki smiles, “Well said.” Then he picks up the shovel.

“W-wait! What was she like? I only knew her when she was sick.”

Daiki puts down the shovel and thinks for a moment, “Well…she was energetic and mischievous. If I was putting out food for them, if I wasn't paying attention she would sneak up and chew through the bag.” He laughs, “She was the most vocal cat I’ve ever known too. Meowed every time she saw me. Sometimes she even meowed while she was eating.”

Ken says, “Oh, yeah, I knew this cat too, then, didn't I? She's the one who lurked outside the boys dorm and looked for you when she got hungry?”

Daiki laughs, “Yep.”

Ken frowns, “She had a funny meow. Kind of whimsical. I'll miss you, Tortie.”

Chiyo says, “I didn't really know you Tortie, but you sound like my kind of cat. Rest easy.”

Daiki nods and picks up the shovel again, and before long she's covered by dirt. He picks up a big stone and puts it over her.

Once the little funeral is over, Chiyo walks up to me and says, “Here.” She holds out my script to me. I take it, unsure of how she got it.

She says, “We found it outside the performing arts center, you probably dropped it when you found Tortie.”

“Oh! Woops. That was bad of me.”

Ken laughs, “A life is more important than your script.”

Chiyo gives an exaggerated gasp and pokes him in the chest, “You’re never gonna make it as an actor with that kind of thinking.”

…

“Well…that sounds like a tough day.”

It's late evening, and Akane has dropped by my room. We’re both sitting on my bed. She does this most days since the night of her break up. We just chat about our days and other little things. I just told her about Tortie.

“It was in some ways. I had never…seen a living thing pass away like that. But it was …kind of nice too. Being there for her.”

She smiles, “Yeah, I guess I can see that. I didn't realize Daiki was basically the cat caretaker. Where does he find the time to do that, drama club, and beat me on all the tests?”

I laugh, “I don't know. It is pretty impressive.”

She sighs, “I just think…the guy has to have some flaw, otherwise it's not fair. Like it's enough that he's smarter than me, but he's a better person than I am too?”

“Th-that's not true! You're both good people.”

Akane doesn't look convinced, so I change the subject.

“H-how are things going for you? With your student council friends.”

She sighs, “They're okay. I mean, Misha and I kept it a secret from Lilly and Shizune anyway, so pretending like nothing has changed is already our default mode. So it's easy.” She frowns, “In the moment…at least. The minute I’m alone in my room I feel pretty sad about it.”

I nod, “That's why you’ve been dropping by?”

She nods feebly, “Well, I also like talking to you. But…I do want to put off being alone as long as possible.” She frowns, “I’m…not bothering you, am I?”

“O-of course not! I like having you here. I-if it would help you, we could sleep in the same room too.”

She raises an eyebrow at me and grins, “I’m flattered. But I don't think I'm ready to move on just yet.”

“M-m-move on?” I blush, realizing her joke. Then I frown at her and cross my arms, “Y-you know what I meant.”

She laughs, “I do. Thanks. But…I probably do need to process it. Feel the sadness. Or it will just take longer to get over her. So, my room’s fine.”

She drapes her arm over my shoulders, “Thank you Nagisa…you’re literally the only person I can talk to about this. I think that really helps me process it too.”

“Y-you’re welcome. I wish…you could talk to people about it. If Misha was a boy you could.”

She nods, “Yeah. It kind of sucks being gay. It would certainly be simpler if I weren't. But, I don't seem to have a say in the matter.” She takes a breath and picks up my plush dango and gives it a squeeze. “Your room has kind of become a safe space for me, since that night a couple weeks ago. It’s very relaxing.”

“I’m glad.” I giggle, “You seem to really like my dango.”

She looks down at the plush in her arms with a confused expression, “This is a…dango? Like…the food?”

I sigh.

I take it from her and turn it towards her so she can see the face. “Yeah, it’s a dango with a face, see? From the Great Dango Family.”

She says the words like they don’t belong together, “Great…dango…family?”

“Yes. They were in commercials some years ago. And you could even buy dangos at the store with cute little faces.” I hug the plush tight, “They are my favorite characters because they are cute and they take care of each other like a family should. There’s a whole family of them that have different faces and different colors. They even have a cute song.”

(Author’s Note: You can hear Nagisa sing the song here. Bonus points if you can do that without tearing up.)

I stand up with the dango in my arms and start singing the song for her, “Dango, dango, dango, dango, the great dango family / The mischievous roasted dango / The gentle bean jam dango-”

Akane cracks up laughing and rolls around in my bed. I stop singing and sit back down feeling embarrassed. I frown and look down at the ground. She keeps laughing for a bit, but then notices I’ve stopped singing.

She looks at me guiltily, “Sorry…”

I shrug, “I-it’s okay. No one seems to feel the same way as me about them. At my old school either. I don't know why I think anyone else will like them as much as me. I should have learned my lesson by now.”

“It’s adorable how passionate you are about it. And the cuteness and silliness of it all hit me just right to make me laugh. I needed a good laugh. But…I wasn’t making fun of you.”

I shrug, “If you say so.”

“I do have to agree that the plush is cute. I’d like to see the other colors. And the song is cute too.” She takes the dango back from me and hugs it, “And I do feel soothed when I snuggle it. So…I’m a fan of the Great Dango Family too, now. Thanks for introducing us.”

I smile at her, “R-really!?”

“Well, yeah.” She brandishes the plush. “Who wouldn’t think this is one of the cutest things ever?”

Take that, Tomoya!

[guthrum06]

“He’s fifteen minutes late, Akane. You can't keep us here.”

Our homeroom teacher is later than usual this morning. As usual, Ichiro is trying to get out of class.

Akane stands up in front of the class, glares at him, and crosses her arms, “Are you sure about that, Ichiro? Wanna try me?”

He looks away from her and scoffs, “One day off isn't gonna make us fail our exams. Loosen up. Try to relax.” He smirks at her, “You know, if you just chilled out sometimes, you'd probably have a boyfriend.”

Akane walks up to his desk and glares down at him with her hands balled into fists. Through gritted teeth she says, “You wanna say that again?”

“N-no. I…it's just…” He sighs and bows his head, “Sorry. That was going too far.”

Madoka, a popular blond girl who sits next to me giggles, “I think that was a confession.
Talk about an odd couple. The class rep and the class delinquent.”

This results in loud laughter from the rest of the class including Daiki. He looks a little embarrassed when I catch him laughing, though.

Ichiro, Akane, and I aren't laughing. They are both bright red, but I think for different reasons. Ichiro is looking anywhere but at Akane, while Akane has shifted her rage to Madoka.

While glaring at her, through her still gritted teeth Akane says, “Alright everyone. That's enough of that. Get out the worksheets we were working on yesterday.”

Everyone groans, but also does exactly what she says. You’d have no idea that she's actually a sweet and surprisingly delicate girl when we spend time together. In here, she's stern and a little scary. And people do what she says.

As I open my desk to get out the worksheet, I'm surprised to hear Akane call my name. When I look up, she gestures for me to come talk to her. When I walk up to her she gets close and whispers, “Go find Mr. Suzuki. He's probably in the teacher's room and just lost track of time. As per usual.”

“M-me?”

She nods, “I'd do it, but I think we'd have a mutiny on our hands if I left the room. And he likes you more than me, so that helps.”

I sigh, nod, and step out into the hall. Eventually I find myself in front of the teachers’ room, but I'm nervous about going inside.

I clench my eyes shut, whisper, “Dorayaki,” to myself, and slide the door open.

The room consists of a dozen empty desks. Class is in session right now, so there aren't any teachers here. Except one.

Mr. Suzuki is sitting hunched over his desk, scribbling something on paper and muttering to himself. He looks very intense.

He's a short, chubby bald man in his 60s, who has a gray beard. He's our homeroom and Japanese teacher. He's a very nice man who is the best Japanese teacher I have ever had. He even made classical poetry really interesting and fun. I have never looked forward to lessons in the subject before.

But he seems to use a different clock than the rest of us. As good as he is once he's in the classroom, he rarely gets there on time.

And right now he seems completely unaware of my presence.

I try clearing my throat, but get no response. Next, I call his name, but get nothing.

I sigh, walk up next to him, say his name again, and put my hand on his shoulder.

He jumps when my hand makes contact with him, and looks around in confusion. Then he smiles at me and says, “Ah, Furukawa. You're here early today. Have some questions about the homework?”

I smile back at him, “U-um…yes sir. But it's time for class now.”

He gets out an old pocket watch and looks at it before laughing at himself, “Oh…dear me. It is well past time. I've done it again, haven't I?”

I laugh, “Just a little.”

He stands up, carefully puts the paper he was scribbling on his briefcase and snaps it shut. We walk to class together.

As we head to class I ask, “W-what's on that paper, sir?”

He laughs, “Oh, I'm just trying to figure out the last line of a poem.”

“You don't understand it? I thought you understood everything about Japanese, sir.”

He chuckles, “You're too generous. But it's actually a poem I'm writing.”

“Oh! That's amazing. I'd like to read it when you finish, sir.”

We reach our classroom and he smiles at me, “You know, some of your poetry for the last assignment was quite intriguing. I'd talk about it with you now if I wasn't already 20 minutes late.” He winks at me, and I laugh. “We can discuss it some other time. Thank you for coming to fetch me. You're much nicer about it than our stern class rep. Sometimes she makes me feel like a student.”

I laugh, “You're welcome sir.”

...

Akane has stopped by my room for one of our evening hangouts.

“Sorry for sending you on that errand today. Class was kind of a nightmare this morning, huh?”

I laugh, “A little. But you kept it under control.”

She chuckles, “I’m glad I kept myself under control. I was this close to slapping Ichiro.” She holds her thumb and index finger very close to one another, “‘You'd get a boyfriend.’ Please. Hey guess what Ichiro, I don't want one!” She shakes her head, “Madoka though.” She crosses her arms and shakes her head, “Saying he confessed. Ridiculous, right?”

“”Um…actually. After today…I think maybe…Ichiro likes you. It was the way he got flustered and blushed.”

She scoffs, “No way. He's been a daily pain in my ass for three years. And he’s a total playboy. I don't think he has the capacity to actually like someone.”

“W-well, he's immature, right?”

“Obviously.”

“Don't some immature boys flirt by being annoying?”

Akane thinks for a moment, but then shakes her head.

“What does it matter anyway? Obviously I'm never dating him. Hell, even if I were straight I’m pretty sure he'd be at the bottom of the list.”

“I-I know, but…I guess I feel for him, a little.”

Akane rolls her eyes, “That's probably all part of his plan. He's had his eyes on you since day one. Minute one, even.”

“H-he has?”

Akane chuckles and shakes her head, “Remember? He wanted you to sit in his lap?”

“O-oh. I thought it was just a joke.”

“It was kind of a joke, I guess. But he would have gladly let you sit there, trust me. He's into you. Not me. This is probably some scheme.”

“Scheme?”

“Yeah, he wants to pretend to be heartbroken. Knows you're a sweet little thing. So you'll eat that up and then he'll have you in the palm of his hand. That's when he will seduce you.”

I cross my arms and frown at Akane, “Y-you're making me sound very easy to fool…”

She scratches her cheek and chuckles, “Welll…”

I shake my head at Akane, “I think he likes you. A-and I'm not going to get...s-s-seduced… just because I feel bad for him.”

Akane chuckles and pats my head, “You're so cute. ‘Seduced’ isn’t a bad word, you know. You're still a good girl even though you said it.”

I push her hand off of my head, “I-I know it isn't!”

“Oh come on, you barely got it out and you whispered the freaking word.”

I cross my arms and huff at her, “You're not being very nice to me tonight.”

Akane sighs, “You're right. I'm sorry. The truth is…I don't want to deal with this Ichiro thing. So I'm being silly and teasing you.”

I uncross my arms, “What do you mean?”

She frowns, “I don't want people to know about me, y'know? And any time this happens…I'm worried people will figure it out. I mean, everyone in class today was talking about the fact that I've never had a boyfriend. That's like the first step towards them finding out. A-and…it freaked me out.”

“Oh. I see what you mean. I-it's come up before?”

She nods, “I've turned a couple guys down. Makes it through the grapevine pretty quickly around here. I've said…I want to focus on school. But…”

“You're worried if it happens again people will know?”

Akane nods, “I'm paranoid about it probably. But…it's like…my biggest fear. Everyone knowing I'm gay. So…I can't shake being worried any time this happens.”

“I-It must be so hard. Having secret relationships. Not letting people know that whole part of you.”

She frowns, “It really is. That's why I'm so glad I have you. No one else knows the real me. Well, except Misha.”

“What would happen? If people knew, I mean.”

Akane sighs and hugs herself, “Well, I'd probably be expelled, to start with.”

My jaw drops, “E-expelled?”

She nods, “Yamaku is good with disabilities. Not so good with this.” She sighs, “I guess I can't say for sure. The rules say any kind of sexual relationship or activity on campus is against the rules, but that's never really enforced. But…I think gay stuff is more likely to get punished. I think they'd find a reason.”

“That's not fair.”

She laughs wryly, “Tell me about it. Even if I didn't get expelled, everyone would look at me differently. Homosexuality is still so taboo in this country. I mean…if I ever meet the girl of my dreams, it isn't like we can get married, you know?”

I frown, “I…I hadn't thought about that. So…your whole life, you'll have to keep it a secret?”

She sighs, “I don't know. When I was…with Misha, I thought about our future some. It was pretty depressing. Maybe we'd live together and claim to be ‘room-mates,’ or something like that.”

“I hate this.”

She laughs, “I didn't think you could hate anything.”

“W-well I hate this! You aren't allowed to be with the person you love. And tell people about it. I always…think about my future. F-falling in love with a guy, living with him, getting married, having a baby…I-it isn't right that you can't have any of that. Not like I can. Love’s something everyone should have.”

I clench my eyes shut as I feel a few tears coming. I'm too late, and a few run down my cheeks.

She's the one who has to deal with it and I'm the one crying. I'm such a child.

Akane puts her arm over my shoulders so I open my eyes. She wipes my tears and then smiles at me, “Well…you make me feel a little better about it. Maybe…there are enough people like you out there. Maybe it will get better in the future.”

“I hope so. I think…if it doesn't, you should move somewhere else. I think love is just…so important for people to be happy.”

Akane chuckles, “Too bad you don't like girls. We could run away together to a lesbian utopia.”

“Wh-what?!”

She giggles and ruffles my hair, “I'm just kidding. Calm down. Although how red you just turned is pretty cute.”

I frown at her as my only response.

She sighs, “Sorry, sorry. I'm trying to change the subject again.” She puts a hand on my shoulder, “Seriously, truly. It means a lot that you don’t only accept me. You also really feel for me. You…imagine what it would be like in my shoes and all that.”

I nod, “Of course. You're my friend and I want you to be happy and…it sounds so hard for you. Anyway, if teasing me helps you feel better…I can put up with it.”

Akane laughs, “No, no. I've been mean enough for the night.”

---

I'm heading to the costume shop for club activities. I stop, though, when I see a familiar face waving to me on the other side of the sidewalk. I should probably go over to him because of his cane.

I cross the grass and say, “H-hey Ichiro, you need something?”

“Can I…talk to you about something?”

Was Akane right? I better keep my guard up in case.

“Um…s-sure. I have to get to club but I have a few minutes.”

We take a seat on a bench and I make sure we are sitting as far apart as possible.

He laughs, “I know class rep has you weary of me. And…I guess I did hit on you on the first day of the trimester. But, I'm not trying to do any of that. I really just want to talk.”

I nod for him to continue.

“You're pretty tight with the class rep, right?”

I nod, “We hang out most nights.”

“Good, that's what I want to talk about.”

I gesture for him to continue. I'm still unsure if he's being genuine. I don't want to be as gullible as Akane thinks I am.

He sighs, “I never really realized it until Madoka made that stupid little joke. But…I do like Akane. I've always thought she was cute. Made pissing her off more fun” He laughs and then sighs, “But I think…it's actual feelings now.”

It seems like the truth to me.

“What makes you think it's different now?”

“I find myself…wanting to spend time with her. Wanting to get to know her for real.” He smiles, “I mean, I know all the best ways to piss her off, but I'd like to know other stuff too. Her favorite food, her plans after Yamaku.” His face flushes, “I…don't have a chance, do I. She hates my guts, right?”

“Sh-she…doesn't hate you.”

He laughs wryly, “You didn't answer the other question.”

I frown and look down at my hands.

Akane is worried people might find out about her if she has to turn him down. But…it isn't like she's going to date him either, so there isn't really any other option.

I can answer his question without revealing anything.

This is gonna hurt him. But Akane would probably be really mean about it.

I look back up at him, “Y-you’re right. You don't have a chance. I’m sorry.”

He sighs, “Kinda figured. Still sucks to hear it. Guess I shouldn't have been such a jerk to her all through high school.”

“I’m sorry. I-if you want to talk about it, we can. B-but I bet you don't want to talk to her friend.”

He nods, “Yeah, thanks. But I have people to talk to. Thanks for being straight with me.” He stands up and gives me a wave, “Talk to you later.”

…

“What?! Seriously?”

Akane's in my room, and I just told her what happened with Ichiro today.

I nod, “Don't worry, I told him he didn't have a chance.”

Suddenly there's a look of panic on her face, “Y-you didn't tell him why, right?”

I cross my arms and frown at her.

“I-I'm just checking! You're not much of a liar, so…I need an answer.”

“No. I didn't tell him. I wasn't sure what to say…but he asked if he had a chance and I said no. Are you worried?”

She sighs, “A little. But…oh well. It can't be helped. You turning him down for me is better, I think. I'm sure it will be fine. These guys need to stop confessing. Would make my life easier.”

“You know, I have never had a boy confess. This is the closest I've ever been.”

She looks genuinely stunned, “S-seriously?”

I nod.

“Well, I'd be surprised if that's true by the end of the year. Ichiro didn't try anything funny?”

“I don't think so. He's coming by in 20 minutes to talk about his feelings, though. He said he's most comfortable talking on a bed in a girl's dorm.”

I almost laughed at the end. Glad I held it in.

For a moment, Akane's eyes get wide but then she laughs.

“You almost had me. But you have a silly smile on your face and sounded like you were about to crack up laughing at the end. Might wanna work on that as a budding actress.”

Just as Akane finishes making fun of me, my phone rings on my nightstand, making both of us jump.

It’s too early for my daily phone call with my parents.

Akane is sitting closer to my phone and picks it up and looks at it, “It looks like it’s…Kotomi-chan?”

Of course that's how she put her name in my phone.

“Oh! I haven’t heard from her in a little while. I should probably take it.”

Akane nods, “Do you want me to go?”

“Only if you want to.”

Akane shakes her head, “I’ll stay and work on some homework.”

I nod and then answer the call, “H-hi, Kotomi-chan”

“Nagisa. It is good to hear your voice.”

“Y-yours too.”

“I'm on the way home from university and I was thinking of you. I wanted to say…I miss you.”

I smile, “I miss you too.”

“How has your health been?”

“Good so far. I worry I'll get sick…but the medical staff here is nice. And prepared for it.”

“That's wonderful. I'm very happy for you.”

“Yes, i-it's thanks to you that things are going so much better.”

“I'm glad I helped. You've helped me quite a lot too. That's what friends do.”

“Yes, that's right. How are things for you?”

“Lovely. I'm enjoying university very much. I can spend all my time in the library and get praised for it here! No one thinks I'm strange. And there have been no bullies.”

I chuckle, “That's great.”

“I am almost home. Tomoya is supposed to have dinner ready for me. Can you believe it?”

“N-no…I really can't. You um…really have turned him into a good man.”

She laughs, “He was always good. He was when we were little too. He just talked like a bully sometimes. He never really was one.”

I feel a few tears run down my cheek. Embarrassed, I turn away from Akane.

I have teared up in front of her twice tonight. I hope she didn't notice this time.

“Y-yeah. You’re right.”

“Okay, I’m going to go. It was lovely speaking with you. I’m glad things seem to be going well there. Let's talk again, okay?”

“Yeah, I’m glad things are going well for you too.”

I hang up the phone and wipe my tears with my sleeve. When I turn around, I notice that Akane is looking at me with concern. I smile at her

“I…don’t think I like this ‘Kotomi-chan.’” She does a childish high-pitched voice and makes quotes with her fingers when she says her name.

“What? Why?”

“She made you cry. What’d she say to you!?”

“H-how do you know I cried?”

“Even from behind I could tell you were wiping away tears. What did she do to make you cry?! I'll call her back if I have to.”

“N-nothing. She was just updating me about her life. Some of it…hurts a little. She’s the friend who ended up with the boy I’m in love with. Tomoya.”

Akane raises her eyebrows, “Then…why talk to her at all?”

I smile, “Because she’s my friend.”

Akane scoffs, “You’re too nice. How can you be friends with the person who stole away the person you love?”

I laugh, “I-it wasn’t like that. I didn’t have him. So…she didn't steal him. I never told him I loved him. Never told her, either.”

“Oh. Well…I still don’t like that she made you cry. Even if she doesn’t know it. So…I still don’t like her.”

“But she’s the reason I’m here and doing better with my health.”

Akane raises an eyebrow, “How?”

“Well…she’s a genius. Like a real genius. She'll have her first college degree at the end of this year.”

Akane's eyes get wide and she gestures for me to continue.

“When I got sick last time she did a bunch of research and figured out what my doctors needed to do.”

“Oh.” She pauses for a moment and then frowns, “Dammit. You’re making this complicated! I just want to hate her!”

I giggle, “Sorry.”

“Ugh, fine. I guess I like her.”

“Why are you mad about it?”

“She’s with the guy you’re in love with. It's like my duty to hate her but…I’m also really glad you transferred here so we could be friends. And I am glad you are doing better with your health. So I’ll give her a pass. I’m noble like that.”

I laugh, “Glad to hear it.”

---

I'm in the library doing some research on wartime Japan. I'm sitting at a table with three books. One about women's lives in the time period, one about Hiroshima during and after the war, and one about fashion at the time. That last one might sound silly compared to the other two, but I am helping Chiyo with costumes.

I'm also trying to get in my character's head, like Ken said. I already knew that it was a difficult time to be alive, but diving deeper into the time period makes me feel really bad for my character. There was so much violence and death. And she died because of that war. So did her entire family apart from her daughter. I have a hard time understanding why anyone on either side thought going to war was a good idea.

My thoughts are interrupted by a friendly, “Hey there.”

I look up and smile at my friend who is holding a few books of his own, “Hi, Daiki.”

He smiles, “Hard at work I see. You do know you can take the books out of the library, right?”

“Yes, I do. But I'm also waiting for someone.”

“Chiyo?”

“No.”

“Akane?”

I shake my head.

He raises an eyebrow, “Meeting up with a guy who left you a confession note in your shoe locker?”

“Wh-what?! No. Th-that…doesn't happen to me.”

“That's an obvious lie. If you want me to get lost to meet your potential paramour, I can.”

“P-paramour?”

He laughs, “Okay, if it's not any of that, who are you meeting?”

I glance towards the bean bags, “I don't know her name. But there was a girl here who recommended Living with Father, and I was going to tell her we’d be doing it and invite her to come. I thought maybe she was here a lot…she reminded me a bit of a friend who spent all her time in the library.”

He looks towards where I’m looking, “Ah, I see. A girl with long dark hair?”

I nod, “You know her?”

He shakes his head, “I’m in the library a lot and so is she. But we’ve never spoken and I don't know her name. She started showing up here last year though, so I think she’s a second year.”

“I see. Well, if she's here that much, I’ll have another chance to invite her.”

“That's true. Pretty amazing she spoke to you. I’ve tried greeting her since we see eachother so much. I gave up real fast because she didn't ever respond. I’ve never seen her talk to anyone else, either. I thought maybe she was deaf or mute.”

“She spoke to me. But in a very quiet whisper, and with a book covering her face. And she was very uncomfortable.”

He frowns, “I see. So it's probably…anxiety. Well…glad I left her alone, then.”

I stand up and start putting my books away, “Well, I’ll try again another time.”

“You want to go get a bite to eat in the cafeteria?”

I smile, “Sure.”

Daiki and I leave the library together. I’m heading towards the elevator, assuming that's best for him since he has a cane. But Daiki turns towards the stairs, surprising me.

“Sh-shouldn't we take the elevator, just to be safe?”

Daiki flatly says, “I never use the elevator. This is fine.”

“O-okay. B-but…it's right there. Why don't you want to use it?”

He snaps at me, “Does it matter? I said I don't need to. That all that matters, Nagisa.”

I clench my eyes shut, so I don't have to see how angry he is, “Y-you’re right. I'm sorry.”

He sighs and gently says, “You don't need to say sorry. You're trying to look out for me and I was a jerk about it. I'm the one who’s sorry.”

I open my eyes and see that he has a gentle smile, which makes me feel better.

“Well…I still think I need to apologize. I need to do better at trusting you about this kind of thing. I keep annoying you.”

He smiles, “Well, maybe a little. But I know you mean well. Either way, you don't deserve to be spoken to that way.”

I nod and smile back, “Okay. So we’re both sorry. Shall we go down the stairs now?”

He nods, “You really don't need to worry. I always do the stairs with my cane. No problems so far. I go nice and slow and hold on to the bar, I promise.”

I nod and get ready to go down the stairs but Daiki says, “Let me go first, though. If I do fall, I don't want to take you out with me.”

I frown at him and he laughs, “It’s mostly a joke. But better safe than sorry.”

I want to say “Using the elevator is better safe than sorry too!” But I know he won't listen.

---

“Is it…okay if I choose the same color as yours?”

It’s Sunday evening and I'm in Chiyo's room. We spent most of the day in the club room working on costumes. When we got back to the dorms, she offered to do my nails again.

She laughs, “Yeah, why wouldn't it be?”

“M-maybe you don't want to match with me.”

“I actually think it’d be pretty cute if we matched. It's a little dorky too, but that's okay.”

I laugh as she starts to paint my nails bright red like hers.

I have a question I've wanted to ask for a while, but we haven't been alone together in private very often.

“How are things with Ken?”

She sighs, “More of the same. I just can't find the courage.”

“Well…now that I've seen more of you together…I think he might like you too. I know…that doesn't solve all your problems.”

She smiles, “It helps some. I think he does, sometimes. So it's good to hear from the outside.”

She finishes my nails and sighs, “I think maybe I'm just making excuses at this point, but I was thinking it'd be best to wait until after we're done with the play, anyway.”

I nod, “That makes sense.”

“Does it? It doesn't sound like I'm trying to put it off?”

“No. It will give you more time doing your romantic scenes together, so hopefully it gets easier for you.”

“Yeah, and no matter how it goes, I think it might be a distraction for us during the performance.”

“That's true, too.”

“Yeah, we got some news recently that makes it a little more high stakes, too.”

I don't like the sound of that. I don’t know if I can handle extra pressure.

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“You know that student acting troupe we were in last summer?”

I nod.

“Well, the guy who was the director of that is now the director of a real acting troupe. Like, one that pays. He and some of his colleagues are coming to the play. And…if they like it, Ken and I might have jobs come Spring.”

I start to feel a little queasy.

“O-oh. That's…good.”

She frowns at me, “You're very pale. Are you feeling okay?”

This is an amazing opportunity for them. I don't need to make her feel bad about this.

I smile, “It just made me a little nervous. B-but I'm more excited than nervous. That's great!”

She smiles, “Yeah, making money as an actor is pretty hard. So…I want to do it while I can, even if it only lasts a year or something. And even if the pay is bad. Ken does too.”

What if I get sick and they can't do the play at all? What happens then!? Will I ruin their lives?

I force another smile, “W-well…I hope you get to do that, then.”

I just hope I don't weigh you down and ruin your future.

[guthrum06]

I’m in the clubroom pretty late tonight. Our on-stage rehearsals start in two weeks, and I’m still not doing a great job with the dialect or even remembering my lines. So I’m working extra extra hard to get it all down. Ken lent me a tape recorder and suggested I start recording myself so I can hear what I sound like. So, I'm doing that too.

But, I’ve reached my limit for the day.

As I’m just about to leave the performing arts center, I hear music coming from the band room, which is odd for this time of night. Then I hear the music stop, and I hear some very loud banging sounds. I stop outside the door for a minute. Then I hear a girl scream angrily.

I don't know what I’m about to walk into…but maybe they need help. I'll just peek first.

I slowly crack the door, and see Saki. At first I breathe a sigh of relief that it's someone I know. But then I remember what I heard, and see what she's doing now, and I don't feel relieved at all.

She's sitting down and crying into her hands. There are music stands that have been knocked to the ground in front of her, and her violin is face down a good 4 meters away from her.

I go through the door as quietly as I can, but then I start to think this was a bad idea. I want to help if I can. But I don't know her very well. She may not want me here.

She looks up and sees me and she tenses up. I get really scared. But then, to my surprise, she laughs. It's a strange sight with her tear-stained face.

“This isn't what I meant when I said you could watch me play. What are you even doing here?”

I wring my hands together and look at my feet. “I-I'm in drama club…I was staying late and working on my lines. I was walking by and h-heard you.”

“A likely story. Are you sure you're not following me? Are you in love with me?” She gasps. “Is that why talking about boys with me made you nervous?”

“Y-you’re…very pretty, but I don't love you.”

She chuckles and tilts her head to the side, “Jokes are hard for you, aren't they?”

I nod with my eyes closed, feeling embarrassed, “S-sometimes. When I'm nervous.”

She sighs, “Can you bring me my violin?”

I nod and pick it up off the ground and walk over to her. I hand it to her. She examines it and then looks relieved. “Looks like it escaped any serious damage. My dad would not have been happy if I needed a new one.” She pushes something on the ground with her foot. “That's probably beyond repair though.”

I now notice her bow is broken in half and at her feet.

She looks up at me, noticing I backed up a little after handing her the violin. She looks embarrassed. “I…know I did something kind of scary a minute ago, but you aren't my violin. So…you're safe. I promise.”

I sit down in the chair next to her. “A-are you okay?”

She frowns, “No. No, I'm…really not.”

“D-do you want to talk about it?”

She sighs and looks at me. “Nagisa, I don't know you very well. This is…what, our second real conversation? And that's being generous.”

I nod, “Okay. I understand. I hope you feel better.”

I stand up and make it halfway to the door when she asks, “Ever had a boyfriend?”

Confused, I turn around and say, “Huh?”

She looks surprisingly bashful, “I-I’m trying to get to know you better…s-see if I want to talk about it.”

I smile, “Um…n-no. You?”

She sighs, “Yeah. Had one last year. Broke up because he's an asshole though.”

“O-oh.”

She laughs, “I bet you haven't even kissed a guy have you?”

I blush and close my eyes and shake my head.

“Sorry. I know this kind of talk embarrasses you. But…what I have to say is kind of embarrassing, so I’m warming up.”

I nod, “I-it's okay. I’m almost 20…I should be able to talk about…b-boys.”

Her eyes go wide. “You’re twenty?”

I nod. “Um…almost. I get sick a lot. So finishing school has been hard.”

Saki frowns, “That sucks. Well as a 19-year-old, I bet you've been in love.”

I feel my face get hot. I nod, and Saki laughs.

“Come back and sit with me, please.”

I do as she asks and then she smirks at me, “So, spill it. Is it one of those drama club boys? They're both pretty cute, so I could definitely see it.”

I shake my head. “A boy at my old school. He was…my friend's boyfriend, though.”

Saki grins, “That's unexpectedly spicy for you.”

“S-spicy?”

She laughs, “Yeah. Wanting your friend's boyfriend seems…a little naughty. I had you pegged as a good girl.”

“W-well…I loved him before they got together. I…just didn't tell him.”

I must have sounded upset because Saki’s grin becomes a frown, “That…probably sucked for you.”

“A l-little. But we were all good friends and it was nice. The hardest part was getting sick…and watching him…and all my friends graduate and move on…while I was stuck in bed for months.”

Saki shakes her head. “Sucks when your body just lets you down, doesn't it?”

I nod.

She takes a deep breath. “Well…you told me a bit about your health thing…let me tell you a bit about mine. I…also know what it's like to have your body betray you.”

She puts her hand on her cane. “You know how I have this, right?”

I nod.

“Well…it's because I have trouble moving my legs. But…it's going to spread to other places too.” Her voice becomes strained, “L-lately…I've started to really feel it in my hands for the first time.” She outstretches her hands in front of herself. “P-playing violin is harder…than it used to be…I was trying to practice extra, to make up for it…but, it doesn't make a difference…and I got really frustrated…and well…” She gestures towards the broken bow at her feet, “...you can see the result.”

I hug her and she lets out a surprised grunt, But then she hugs me back.

“I w-wish there was something I could do…b-but this is the best I came up with.”

“Well…it is pretty nice.”

“D-don't give up.”

“Huh?”

“I know…your health is making it hard. But…don't give up. I'm used to my health…getting in the way. And…it's hard. But I don't give up. I'll just keep trying. Even if I'm 30 when I graduate.”

Saki laughs, “I see your point. I'm not going to give up. But…it’s so frustrating…most people improve at a skill over time. Not me. Not anymore. I’m just going to get worse. At something I’m good at and love doing.”

I nod, “I'm not talented…so I can't relate to that part. But…I still think you should keep going. As long as you can.”

She's silent for a moment and then she says, “You go around hugging boys like this and we’ll get you that kiss in no time. You even smell nice.”

I break the hug and frown at her.

She laughs, “Sorry, sorry. I didn't want to start crying, so I teased you instead.” She nods, “You’re right. I gotta keep going. Just like Nagisa the Tough.”

“T-tough?”

“Yeah, what's wrong with that?”

“…doctors have called me weak my whole life. I don't think anyone has ever called me tough. I-it…doesn't sound right.”

She scoffs, “People are dumb. Doctors are dumb. Give them your condition, see how they do. Most people would give up on school. But not you. That's toughness.”

I smile, “Th-thank you. I…hadn't thought of it that way.”

She nods. “I was already thinking I'd keep going as long as I possibly can…but, you definitely gave me some extra perspective and motivation. So, thank you.”

“I’m just glad I could help a little.”

She stands up and starts to put her violin away.

“So, any Yamaku boys you have your eye on?”

I sigh, “W-why are you teasing me again?”

“Oh. I didn't mean to. I was just curious. You don't like talking about this kind of thing at all, huh? You have an easier time talking about your health than boys?”

I shrug, “I guess so. I haven't really thought about any of the boys here.”

“Ah, I see. Still hung up on the boy back home?”

“Maybe. I've been doing better about it since I came here. I don't think about him that much. But I also haven't thought about any of the boys here.”

She nods and then looks thoughtful for a moment, “Yeah, I guess…I'm not that interested in dating either after my ex.”

She finishes packing up her violin and says, “Well…we should probably get going. We're not nerdy enough to be doing club stuff this late in the evening.”

We head for the exit while we continue to chat.

I laugh, “I'm nervous about the play and spending a lot of time here, so I think I'm a nerd.”

Saki laughs, “Yeah, maybe. When is it anyway? I'd be interested in seeing you up on a stage.”

“It's in about six weeks. When is your next concert?”

“We have one at the school festival.”

“I'll make sure I come and see you, too.”

---

I'm in my room doing my homework. It's a holiday weekend. Many students went home, including Akane and my drama club friends. I didn't because my parents couldn't afford it. It's been very quiet in the dorms the last two nights.

This is why I am surprised to hear a knock on my door. When I open it, I see Akane. And she looks sad. Not as sad as when Misha dumped her, but it still isn't good.

“C-can I come in?”

“Of course.”

She smiles softly, comes in, and flings herself on my bed. She lays down and starts snuggling my dango like she’s in her own room. It makes me laugh.

I sit down on the bed next to her and say, “I thought you were with your dad this weekend.”

She sighs and rolls on her side so she can look at me, “He was a complete jerk to me. So, I came back.”

“What did he do?”

“He’s just…mad about some of my choices and it makes it hard to talk to him sometimes.”

“Oh. You mean-”

She laughs, cutting me off, “No. Not that. He’s fine with that, actually. I’ve been out to my parents since I was 15. And…that isn’t a choice, by the way.”

“Y-you’re right. I’m sorry.”

She grins, “That’s okay. I know you didn’t mean anything bad by it. I mentioned my dad being mad about something…not a huge leap to think it's that.”

“So, if it isn’t that, what is it? What choice doesn't he like?”

She sighs, “It’s…something that’s hard to explain to someone who isn’t deaf.”

“Oh.”

She smiles, “I’ll try my best, though.”

I nod, hoping I can help my friend.

“Let's see…where to start. Hmm…I guess we haven't really talked about my family, huh? Or my hearing?”

I shake my head.

“Okay, let's start there. Both of my parents are completely deaf. I was born with very, very limited hearing. 90% deaf, or so.”

“W-wow…and, your hearing aids are so good that you can hear like most people?”

She nods, “More or less.” She brushes her hair back and taps the ear piece, “It’s more than just a regular hearing aid, though. I had surgery when I was 2. There is an actual device in here. They are called cochlear implants.” She taps on the side of her head. Then she points to the earpiece and the other part on her scalp. “These two pieces take in sound and use signals to communicate with the implant, which relays it to my brain, pretty much. I don’t quite hear like you do, but it mimics your kind of hearing.”

“Um…is that also why your accent is…different?”

She nods, “Yeah, I think the way I sound is how people sound to me, which obviously isn’t…quite right to your ear.” She frowns, "It isn't…bad, is it?”

I shake my head, “I’ve always understood you, but you have a distinct way of speaking. I-It isn’t a bad thing. I…kind of like it, actually.”

She smiles up at me, “Well, good.” Then she sighs, “Anyway, my dad doesn't like cochlear implants.”

“Huh? He doesn't want you to be able to hear?”

“This…is the part that’s hard for the non-hearing impaired to understand.” She pauses for a moment and furrows her brow. I think she's weighing how best to explain it. I hope I can understand.

Her brow unfurrows and she says, “So…some deaf don't view deafness as a medical condition that should be cured. They view deafness as a culture and part of someone’s identity. Just like…being Japanese. Or Buddhist. These people are very opposed to cochlear implants. My dad is one of them.”

I feel confused for a moment so I shut my eyes as I slowly piece things together. Once I do I open my eyes and hesitantly say, “So…that means…your dad…thinks you abandoned your culture?”

She nods and then grimaces, “Pretty much.”

“But…wait…how did you get the implants if he didn't want you to? Why didn't he stop it back then?”

She laughs wryly, “My family dynamics aren't like most people's. He wasn't around when I was 2. Because my parents never married and were never even in a serious relationship. They just…hooked up a few times in college. My dad didn't even know I existed until he bumped into me and my mom at the supermarket when I was 9.”

I raise my eyebrows, “Wow. I knew your parents weren't together…but not this.”

“Yeah, it was quite the surprise for him. To his credit…he has since then helped my mom out and been a big part of my life. And he’s mostly supportive and loving.”

I smile, “That's good.”

She smiles, “It is. He has a whole family and everything, and his wife is sweet to me. And I have two little sisters who are fun to play with and they adore me.”

I smile, “That's sounds really nice.”

She smiles, “It really is.” Then she sighs and knits her eyebrows, “Except, for all the stuff with my implants.” She gestures towards the side of her head. “Like, he makes me take off all of this when I go over. So his kids don't get influenced by me. And in general, he doesn't like that I have them.”

“But…you were two. By the time he met you it was already done. It wasn’t really a choice you made. It's n-not fair for him to be mad about it.”

“You’re right, but I could choose to abandon them. That’s what he wants.”

I frown, “It would be hard for us to talk without them. S-so I like them.”

Akane smiles, “Well, I'm going to keep using them, don't worry. But…you could always learn sign language.” She winks. “I could even tutor you.”

I nod, “That’s true.”

She sighs, “Anyway, asking me not to wear them when I’m with him and his family is one thing. It annoys me a little, but I understand. I’m at his house after all. And he doesn't want his kids to get implants. But…that isn't where it ends. It isn’t only about them. He complains that I live life like a hearing person, too. Constantly.:

“What does that mean?”

“Well, he’s the reason I came here. Before Yamaku, I went to regular school. He wanted me to go to a school for the deaf. Yamaku was sort of a compromise. He’s still not happy about it, though. Says he wishes I went to other schools constantly. Says he wishes I was more involved with deaf culture constantly.”

I frown, “S-so…he wants you to be more like him and his family?”

“Pretty much. It's frustrating because I feel like I am very tapped into deaf culture. His frustration with me would make more sense if I abandoned sign language. Many with implants do. But I haven't! I still use it every day. It's how I talk to my family and friends. I tutor sign language students, most of which aren’t hearing impaired at all, so I’m actually helping to spread deaf culture! I want to teach at a school for the deaf, or at least teach sign language.” She squeezes the dango and looks down as her voice breaks, “I think I’ve even made some of those choices to make him proud of me…b-but it isn't enough. He never praises me, just tells me everything I do is wrong. It makes me feel…like I'm not good enough.”

I put my hand on her shoulder, “So, the fight was about all of this?”

She starts to sniffle and nods, “We talked about where I’ll go to university next year. He wants me to go to Tsukuba, because that’s where he and my mom went and they have a school for the deaf there. I told him I wanted to go to a regular university. He got pissed and we started arguing.” She sighs, “Neither of us actually used our voices of course, but the way we were signing would be equivalent to screaming at the top of our lungs. We were fighting in front of my little sisters too, which really made him mad. He…told me to get out of his house if I wasn't going to show him respect. So…I did.”

She starts to cry softly, “I just want to have a relationship with him. He's my dad. I love him. B-but…he makes it so hard. I just…I want him to be proud of me. To think I'm doing the right thing, b-b-but…he doesn't even like who I am…” She trails off and puts the dango to her face and starts to cry into it.

I can't imagine what it would be like to have a parent who won't accept such a big part of you. I'm very thankful for my parents.

As she continues to cry, I lay down next to her. Remembering the last time she cried in my room, I get close to her so that I can reach around her and stroke her hair and rub her back.

After a few minutes, she stops crying and removes the plush from her face and looks me in the eyes for a moment with a small smile on her face. I smile back, glad to see she is feeling a little better from my efforts. With the plush out of the way, I realize now that our faces are very close.

In the next instant her lips are on mine. They feel soft. And warm. And moist. They taste salty from her tears. Now her arms are around me and she’s pulling me even closer to her.

Wait…what!?

I pull my lips away, while also pushing on her gently.

Her eyes get wide. She pulls her arms back and puts her hand to her lips and looks away from me. She looks like she might start crying again.

I try to say something. But nothing comes out.

She quickly puts distance between us and gets off the bed. She walks towards the door without saying anything.

I continue trying to say something, anything. But I can't. I don't know what to say.

She opens the door and she looks at me for a moment. Then she quietly, and tearfully says, “…sorry.” She closes the door behind her before I can respond.

I sit up on my bed, dumbfounded by what just happened on it. I think I just really hurt her feelings. She came here looking for someone to talk to about her dad. For someone to help her. And I did the opposite. I hurt her. And she left my room crying.

And I may have just ruined a friendship that is very important to me.

After trying to decide what I should do for several minutes, I look at my dango plush and get an idea. I pick it up and head to the end of the hall, where Akane's room is. I knock on her door, but don't get a response.

After a minute I knock again and I say, “A-Akane…I just wanted to give you the dango for the night…i-if you want it.”

I wait a minute and still don’t hear anything. Just when I'm about to give up, the door opens a crack. Only enough for me to see one of her eyes and her cheek. Her room is dark, but the light in the hall is enough for me to see she's been crying some more.

She whispers, “D-don't you…hate me?”

I shake my head, “Of course not. I never ever would.” I paise for a moment and then start to worry, “D-do you…hate me?”

She shakes her head, “Of course not. I could never hate you either.”

I smile, “Good. Do you want the plush tonight?”

“Y-you…wouldn't let me take it before. Are you sure?”

I nod, “Yeah. I know…I didn’t help tonight. So maybe it can.”

She opens the door a little more, “U-um…then I'll take it for the night. I-if that's okay.”

I hold it out to her and she opens the door the rest of the way. She takes the dango and holds it to her chest like she always does, which makes me smile.

She smiles back, “I…know we need to talk. But…can it wait until tomorrow?”

I nod, “Of course.”

After we tell each other goodnight I go back to my room and get ready for bed. Once I'm in bed for the night, I start to think about what happened with Akane tonight.

Maybe I should have tried it longer. It didn't feel right to me. But maybe it would have if I just kept at it. I think she'd be happy if I did. And I want her to be happy.

I shake my head at myself.

If I had forced it, it would just have hurt her more when I stopped it. It wouldn’t be that different from what Misha did to her.

I don't know what exactly she'll tell me tomorrow. You don't kiss someone unless you like them, right?

But I hope the kiss didn't mean that. Because I don't want to hurt her.

But, even if that's what happens, I could tell from seeing her tonight that we'll still be friends.

[guthrum06]

The next morning, there’s a knock on my door earlier than I was expecting. It's only 8 a.m., so I'm still in my pajamas. When I answer the door, I see a fully dressed and well put together Akane. She looks nervous and makes less eye contact with me than normal.

She hands me my dango plush and says, “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

I hug the dango to my chest. I did miss having the dango last night, but I'm happy it helped her some.

“I-is it too early? I have to go do something in a couple hours and wanted to make sure I did this first. But…I can come by later or…tomorrow.”

I think I'm just as anxious as she is to have this talk. So it's fine with me.

I shake my head and try to make a joke to lighten the mood, “No, it's fine. I'm just a little underdressed.”

She gives me a forced laugh and then makes a bee line for my desk chair, and sits there. I think she’s avoiding the bed, where I take a seat. She doesn't seem that eager to start talking. So I decide to get things started.

Maybe we should talk about something else to warm up.

“H-how are you feeling? A-about your dad, I mean. I know…I didn't help that much.”

She looks surprised I brought this up, “Oh. Uh…I’m okay. My stepmom emailed us and bullied us into talking today. She's the real boss in the family.” She laughs softly, “She's had to do it before, although…this is definitely the biggest fight we've ever had.”

I smile, “Well, I'm glad she's looking out for you both.”

Akane smiles, “Me too. My dad and I are really stubborn and hot-blooded, I think that's why we fight so much. She's very level-headed and calm, thank goodness. But yeah, that's what I’m doing after this. Going over there.” She sighs and then frowns while looking down, “I don't know what was wrong with me yesterday. I…made a couple of big messes doing stupid stuff without thinking. Have to clean them up now.”

“D-don't look at it like that. Nothing is wrong with you. Neither was your fault. They are just things that…happened. Not messes.”

She smiles at me, “You really did help, you know. Like you are now. Like you always do. B-but then I…” She trails off, shakes her head, and looks down at the ground. “I'm such an idiot.”

“No you’re not. It's okay, Akane. You don't have to-”

She interrupts me, “J-just…let me explain myself first.”

I want to finish what I was saying because it sounds like she’s being too hard on herself. But I think she's going to explain what the kiss meant and why it happened. And that's what I want to know most of all.

I nod, and she continues.

“Well…I was upset, right? Not in my right mind. A-and then you were in the bed with me and being so sweet. I was feeling really vulnerable. And you comforted me.” She blushes and look away from me, “A-and then you were touching me. And our faces were so close. And you smell so good. And you’re so pretty. A-and you were smiling at me. And then my mind kinda went blank and it j-just…happened…” She starts to sniffle, “I’m…I’m so sorry. It was a messed up thing for me to just…do that."

“You don't need to apologize. I-I’m not upset.”

She looks up at me with raised eyebrows and a small smile, “Y-you're…not?”

I shake my head, “But I want to make sure I understand. What did it mean? Do you have feelings for me? Did I…reject your confession?”

She thinks for a moment and then with some reluctance in her voice she says, “I am…attracted to you. Or it wouldn't have happened.”

She locks eyes with me but I look away and sit silently, unsure how to respond. While also feeling very flattered. No one has ever complimented me so much. Or told me they were attracted to me. Or…kissed me. It's a nice feeling. I just wish I could feel the same about her. More than anything, especially if she's hurting because of this.

She continues, “B-but it wasn’t a confession. I'm not…in love with you. I promise. It was just…a mistake. It won't ever happen again. I’m…really really sorry.”

I nod, “I already told you I don't even think you have to apologize. I'm not upset about it. Except that I…don't ever want to do anything to hurt you. I know how much it hurts to have feelings for someone that doesn't feel the same.”

With a serious expression she says, “I don't have feelings like that for you. I promise.” She pauses for a moment and then says, “I’m still hung up on Misha, so how could I?”

That's true.

I want to believe her. But there's still something that doesn't add up.

“But…why were you so upset afterwards if it didn't mean anything?”

She looks away from me and fidgets in the chair for a moment, “I was j-just…worried that you'd be mad. And that I would lose you as a friend over it. I was upset with myself for what I did. Not with you for stopping it.”

That's pretty much how I felt too. That makes sense.

She wrings her hands together and quietly says, “We're…still friends, right? You’re…important to me. You're um…my best friend.”

“O-of course. You're my best friend too.”

She smiles for a moment but then winces, “I just realized something that makes this way worse…I took your first kiss, didn't I?”

I nod.

She covers her face with her hands, “Crap. I'm so, so, so, so sorry.”

I laugh softly, “W-well…it wasn't exactly how I imagined it. But it was with someone I care about. So…i-it's okay.”

She smiles, “Good.” She breathes a sigh of relief. “This made me feel much better. I was very worried I messed everything up.”

I laugh, “I was worried that I did.”

She raises an eyebrow, “How would you have messed it up?”

“I was worried I had rejected a confession and…hurt you. Or that…I did something I didn't mean to that made you think I wanted to kiss.”

She chuckles, “Well…maybe most friends our age don't hug while laying in bed together. That's what…got my wires crossed. But…I was also laying down and bawling my eyes out in your bed. It didn't leave you many other options to comfort me. You didn't do anything wrong. I just…I got confused, in the emotional state I was in.”

“Okay. I'm glad nobody messed anything up.”

She smiles, “Me too.” She looks at the dango plush in my arms and smiles even wider. “You know what I'd really like right now?”

“What?”

She grins from ear to ear, “I'd like to hear the whole dango song, please.”

I frown, “A-are you going to laugh this time?”

“Maybe…a little. But I like it. I promise. It has been stuck in my head lately.” She pouts playfully, “It’ll lift my spirits before I go meet with my dad!”

“Okay, I’ll sing it. But if you laugh too much, I’m stopping.”

She’s my first friend who actually likes the Great Dango Family. Hard to turn down her request.

I stand up and sing the entire song.

She smiles the whole time I sing and only laughs a few times, which makes me really happy.

When I finish I realize I have a question, “Your implants even let you hear music?”

“Kind of. I can hear the words and the rhythm, but not the difference between notes. Not like you can, anyway. But I still like to listen.”

I laugh, “That’s probably why you like listening to me sing. I don’t think I’m very good.”

She smiles at me, “I’m your perfect audience then.” She stands up and then sits on the bed next to me before hugging me, “Thank you so much, Nagisa. Not just for singing. For everything.”

“Y-you're welcome. Um…thank you too.” I feel awkward about this hug, given what happened when we hugged in my bed not that long ago. She picks up on that when I stiffen my back and don't hug her back.

“Don’t make it weird, Nagisa. I’m doing this so we can move past it. Otherwise last night’s hug is going to loom over us. I’m erasing it with this very very Platonic one.”

I laugh, and return her hug.

“Do you want me to come with you to see your dad? Would it help?”

She breaks the hug and smiles at me, “There you go being sweet again. It's tempting but…you won't know what we're saying. I won't be translating or anything, you know?”

“Th-that's okay. I can just be there for moral support. I probably wouldn’t get involved even if I understood what you were saying.”

Akane thinks for a moment, “I really want you to come. I'm just…worried my dad won't like it. We’re fighting about how I want to go to school with people who can hear. Bringing my best friend who isn’t hearing impaired and doesn't understand sign…seems like a bad way to get peace talks started.”

“Oh! Right. Th-that was silly of me.”

She pats my back, “No, it was sweet. I want you to meet them sometime. But this isn’t the right time. It's just…a complicated situation. I'm sure I'll talk to you all about it at some point. You can give me moral support then, I'm sure I'll need it.”

…

“Nagisa, you're getting really good at the dialect!”

“Um…th-thanks. You both are amazing too. Seeing you two together at the end got me choked up.”

Of course, that wasn't just because of the play. I want them to end up together for real, too.

Chiyo gives me a confident bow, “Thank you, thank you.”

We just did our first rehearsal on stage. It was mostly to feel out how we think our characters would move in the various scenes. It was very different from reading it together in our clubroom. We had our scripts with us but I only had to look at it a few times.

Ken says, “You're getting better every time Nagisa. Not just the dialect either. I think you'll have us in tears before too long. I was pretty close when you disappeared after your speech at the end. Those changes you made to your lines really work, too.”

“R-really?”

Daiki who watched the whole thing standing in the middle aisle says, “I agree with them.” He looks down at his notes. “I do have some notes for all of you, though. Do you want to hear them now or tomorrow?”

Ken laughs, “Uh oh, he has his director hat on now.”

I giggle, “Is that bad? Isn’t that his job?”

Chiyo smirks, “Not bad, just different. He's normally the nicest guy in the world so it's a little jarring when he's criticizing you. Don't take anything he says personally.”

Nervous, I start to wring my hands together, “O-okay.”

Daiki sighs, “Are you two done scaring her? Can we get to the actual point here?”

Chiyo does a mock salute and stands at attention, “Yes, Mr. Director sir!” Ken cracks up laughing.

Daiki sighs, “I'll start with you Nagisa, since you’re the one acting normal.”

I nod, still feeling very nervous.

I hope I didn't mess up too much.

Dorayaki.

“The biggest thing is that you need to work on projecting your voice. Right now it's hard to hear you if you aren't in front. We want everyone to hear how good your acting is and how good your dialect has gotten, okay? You can talk to Ken and Chiyo about it if you're having trouble. As you know they can be very loud.”

I nod and smile, “O-okay. I'll be louder.” I look at Ken and Chiyo, “That wasn't that bad.”

Ken strokes his chin, “Yes…interesting. He is much nicer to you. Even managed to fit a compliment in there while also taking a shot at us. I wonder why he's different with her? What do you think, Chiyo?”

Chiyo looks at Daiki and then at me and then at Daiki again before smirking.

Just as she opens her mouth, Daiki loudly says, “ANYWAY, moving on. Ken, Chiyo - I'd like to see some more warmth in your relationship. Some more intimacy.”

Both of them turn bright red.

Daiki continues, “How should I put this - you two have great chemistry in real life, but I feel like we're only seeing a fraction of it on stage. So…try to bring that out a bit more.”

They both nod sheepishly.

I think he got back at them for teasing him about being director. They are very embarrassed now. But I also think he's right. Their characters don't feel as close as they should. It's like they are both holding back.

Daiki smiles, “That's all, everyone. It was really good, and I know we'll only get better. Let's do this three or four more times to figure out for sure how we want the three of you to move. Then I can get started on lighting and sound, and before long we'll have a whole play!”

He puts his notes in his bag. “Anyone else heading back to the dorms?”

I step down off the stage and say, “I'll go with you.”

Ken looks like he's about to join us, but then Chiyo says, “K-ken? Let's run through the last scene a couple more times. See if we can…up the intimacy as our dear director wants.”

Ken nods, “Alright. Let's do it.”

I look over at them on the stage and smile at Chiyo, who looks very nervous. Our eyes meet and she says, “I-I'm gonna use the restroom first,” without breaking eye contact.

“Me too.”

Daiki says, “Okay, I'll wait.”

Chiyo and I go to the restroom, where neither of us actually has to go. Chiyo leans on the counter and looks at herself in the mirror.

“I…think I'm going to tell him. Tonight.”

“Okay. You don't want to wait anymore?”

She sighs, “I'm trying, but all this stuff with the play is making it harder than ever. I can't touch him this much and keep it inside. And I think it's the reason we kind of sucked tonight, too. I kept shying away from being more physical or letting my real emotions come through.” She looks at me, “You think I should wait?”

I shake my head, “I think you should tell him if you're ready.”

She nods and stands up straight before taking a deep breath, “Okay. I'm gonna do it.”

“That's great! Good luck.”

We leave the bathroom and Daiki and I walk back to the dorms together while Ken and Chiyo stay behind. I'm pretty eager to find out what happens, but I know I also need to give them space to let it happen.

Daiki and I chat on our way back to the dorms.

“So, was I as bad as they said I was?”

I laugh, “No. But they got me really worried so I was expecting the worst.”

He chuckles, “They were mostly joking. But…there's a kernel of truth.” He sighs and says, “There was one time where I was a jerk to them about how they performed.”

“Really?”

He nods, “Last year when we were getting close to the performance. I had just recently messed up my knee to the point I needed this stupid thing.” He thumps the cane on the ground, “I was in a ton of pain and in an awful mood. And I was really mean to them about what they needed to improve. It was…not my best moment.” He sighs, “You’ve seen little glimpses of that side of me too, unfortunately. I'm kind of sensitive when it comes to my condition, I guess.”

“W-Well…we can't always be nice to everyone. Some days make it hard. S-sometimes if I'm not feeling well, I get angry and I can be mean too.”

Daiki starts laughing so hard he has to stop walking. While I don't understand why he's laughing, I can tell he's laughing at me. I turn around and cross my arms while waiting for him to stop.

Once he stops laughing, he looks at me with a bit of shame,“Woo…sorry. The idea of you being mean to someone just really got me. I was picturing you yelling at someone, or like…shoving them. It was a pretty funny image.”

I stomp my foot and wag my finger at him while trying to look as angry as possible, “I-I can be angry! Y-you'll see one day! And it won't be funny!”

Daiki’s face contorts and for a moment and I'm not sure why. Then he starts laughing again, “S-sorry I tried to hold it in, b-but I just couldn't! You can't puff out your cheeks like that and expect me not to laugh. Now that I've seen you try to be angry, it's even funnier!”

I sigh, “W-well…I wasn't really angry. S-so that doesn't count.”

We continue our walk to the dorms in silence. At first, it's because I'm trying to give him the silent treatment for laughing at me. But then, I start to feel unwell. A very familiar kind of unwell. I feel weak. And tired.

No! Not now!

Daiki doesn't notice anything as we say goodnight to each other and part ways. It gives me a little hope that I'm overreacting and it's all in my head.

I check my temperature the moment I walk in the door. As I watch my thermometer's display flash red, any hope I had disappears.

38

As soon as I see those numbers on the display, I lay down in bed and cry.

---

When I wake up the next morning, I still have a fever of 38 degrees. But at least I don’t feel any worse.

I get up, get dressed, and head to the nurse's office.

…

“When did the fever start?”

I'm with the nurse now, explaining everything.

“Last night.”

He thinks for a moment. “Do your symptoms usually get worse from here?”

I nod, “Usually…I end up weak and bedridden.”

He thinks for a moment and then nods confidently, “Okay…let's err on the side of caution. Go back to your room and rest, I'm going to get you excused from classes for the week, and we'll go from there. I'll give you an anti-fever medication and steroids that will hopefully kick this thing's butt alongside your daily meds.”

I frown and look down while tightly clasping my hands together. I’m hoping if I can squeeze my hands hard enough it will distract me and keep me from crying.

He gently says, “If there's anything about that plan you don't like…we can talk about it.”

I start to sniffle, “A-any time this happens…I miss too much school…and I have to give up on the year. I-I’m worried if I rest…I won't get back up again.”

He puts a hand on my shoulder and I look up at him. He's wearing a comforting smile, “Furukawa, my goal here is to try and make you miss as little school as possible. I’m hoping if you get some rest now, you’ll recover and your symptoms won't sideline you as long. Your medication should help.”

I sigh, “O-okay. I…hope you’re right. I don't want to miss too much. Thank you.”

He nods, “I'll be wanting you to call me with an update every morning and afternoon, okay? I'll be keeping an eye on everything.”

…

I just woke up to the sound of knocking. After I left the nurse, I did what he instructed. I came back to my room, took my medication and went back to bed. Falling asleep was very easy because I feel so bad.

Another knock on the door.

“Wh-who is it?”

“Chiyo. Are you okay?”

I stand up, and when I do I realize I feel much worse than earlier. I feel exhausted and dizzy, and immediately want to lay back down.

I open the door to find a concerned Chiyo. She looks even more concerned when she sees me in my pajamas this early in the evening. I let her in and then immediately get back in bed.

“Daiki said you weren't in class, and then you didn't come to club today either…we were worried.”

“S-sorry…I should have called. I’m sick.”

Chiyo nods and kneels next to my bed. She puts a hand on my forehead, winces, and quickly pulls it back.

“Y-you’re…burning up.”

I sigh, “Can you hand me the thermometer on the desk?”

She walks over, picks it up, and hands it to me. I put it under my tongue. Chiyo watches the display, looking more concerned by the moment.

“40.1!? I didn't even know a fever could get that high…w-we need to get you to the nurse ASAP.”

That IS pretty high, even for me.

I do my best to hold in my tears as I say, “I…need to call him. Can you please…hand me my…phone.”

Chiyo looks confused, but then does what I asked. I call the nurse and update him on everything. He sounds concerned when he responds.

“Okay. Hopefully, it's just that you slept all day and haven't taken a second dose of your meds. But…if your fever is worse or not any better in the morning, we may need to try something else.”

Part of me wants to ask what ‘something else’ means, but I find that I’m too tired.

Chiyo watches the whole exchange closely and is starting to look more and more worried.

After the call ends I say, “Can you hand me that pill bottle? And get me some water?”

She hands me the pills and takes a cup to the bathroom. She returns with it full of water. I thank her and take the pills.

Chiyo kneels next to the bed and frowns, “You…said before you got sick and didn't do a play last year. And also…you got sick and had to repeat your third year. This is what you meant, isn't it?”

I nod weakly. “My…body thinks I’m sick when I’m…not sick.”

That wasn't the best explanation. But that's all I have the energy for right now.

Chiyo frowns, “I’m sorry. Have you eaten anything? Do you want some rice porridge? I make a pretty good one!”

I shake my head, “Nauseous.”

Chiyo’s frown deepens. “H-how long does this usually last?”

Her words cause me to burst into tears, much to my embarrassment. I close my eyes, not wanting to see how she's looking at me, while I do my best to put a stop to them.

I feel her hands take both of mine, and then I feel her head on my shoulder. She doesn't try to stop my crying. She just tries her best to comfort me. Which is what I need. It feels good knowing she's here for me. She's a good friend.

After a minute, I regain my composure.

She quietly says, “So…I take it…it can last a long time?”

I nod, “I-it…can last months.” I sniffle. “S-so…I may not be able to do the play…and I might not graduate with all of you.”

She squeezes my hands, “I'm so sorry, Nagisa. But…I hope it doesn't come to that. They are pretty good here at working around this sort of thing.”

I nod, “That's why I'm here. I'm on new medication now too. My condition finally got diagnosed a few months ago.”

Chiyo smiles and squeezes my hands, “See? Maybe it won't be too bad.”

“I…hope not. Right now, though…it f-f-feels the same as it always does…” I start to cry again, unable to hold back my feeling of helplessness.

I think I need to do this, and I know Chiyo doesn't think less of me for crying. So this time, I don't hold back.

I'm feeling the emotional pain of last year's episode all over again. Combined with this one.

Kyou, Ryou, Kotomi, Sunohara and Tomoya were so great to me. I was so worried I wouldn't have friends in my repeat year. I was so happy to have so many. But…then I became sick. They came and saw me, but their lives were all moving forward while I was stuck in bed.

It's happening all over again. This time with Chiyo, Ken, Daiki, and Akane.

Chiyo drapes an arm over me and rests her head on my shoulder again. I notice she's crying a little now too.

She sniffles, “I wish I could tell you everything will be fine…but I don't know that. But I can tell you that you're my friend and I'll do what I can to help you, whatever happens. I know Ken and Daiki will too.”

I pull myself together, given new strength by her words, “Thank you.”

But then I remember something else that's worrying me.

“B-b-but…what if I can't do the play? You and Ken have people coming to see you. It's important and I might ruin it.”

She smiles at me, “I like that you're an angel, but sometimes you’re too much of one.”

“Huh?”

“You don't need to worry about that right now. It's several weeks away.”

“I might still be sick. If it's like before.”

“If that happens, there are lots of other options. We can postpone it for one. And…even if the play didn't happen, Ken and I would still get to audition for the troupe. The play isn't make it or break it for us. So just…try not to think about it. Your health is way more important.”

“O-okay. That makes me feel better. Th-thank you. S-sorry for throwing all my thoughts at you. I'm such a bother.”

Chiyo sighs and looks annoyed with me, “What would you do if the situation was reversed?”

“I'd h-help you.”

“See? And you wouldn't think I was a bother, right?”

I say “O-of course not!” with more force than intended. It's enough to make my head hurt. But I also realize the point she was trying to make.

She laughs, “As angry as you feel about the idea of me calling myself a bother is how I feel right now.”

“O-okay. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

She rolls her eyes, “You need to cut back on apologizing, too.”

She puts her hand on my forehead, “Maybe I'm just used to your fever now, but you don't feel as warm.”

She hands me the thermometer, and I take my temperature.

She smiles, “You're down to 39.”

I look at the thermometer and smile. “Maybe my medication is really working. I-in the past…it never went down that much that quickly.”

“I really hope so. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Um…can you please see if Daiki will come by tomorrow? I need…to try to stay caught up in classes.”

She nods, “I'll do that. I'll probably get Ken in here too, actually.” She looks around. “Maybe…not at the same time, though. It's a small room.”

Ken? There's something about Ken…

I sit up so fast it makes my head spin. It startles Chiyo when I blurt out, “What happened with Ken!?”

She clicks her tongue and sighs, “Dammit! I thought your fever made you forget.” She looks down at the ground and quietly says, “I…chickened out. Again.”

I lay back down, “Well…it's hard.”

“Yeah…it is hard.” She squeezes my hand one last time, then stands up and says, “Well, I’ll let you get some more rest.”

“Th-thank you, Chiyo. You helped me a lot.”

She smiles, “Good. I'm gonna come check on you in the morning. Do you mind if I take your key? That way I don't have to wake you up by knocking.”

“O-okay. It should be on the desk.”

---

I just woke up. I definitely still feel unwell, but not as bad as last night. My stomach growls, which is a good sign. I haven't eaten since the day before yesterday.

When I roll over I see a paper bag on my desk. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and get up. Next to the bag there's a little note,

“Try to eat a little if you can. - Chiyo.”

I look in the paper bag and I can't believe my eyes. It's two dorayaki from the Shanghai.

She…went down the hill to get these for me? Because she knows it's my favorite?

I get embarrassed when I realize I’ve never told her how much I like dorayaki. She must have heard me say it to myself at some point.

I sit down at my desk and take my temperature, (down to 38.5), my daily medication, my steroid, and my anti-fever medication. Then, I eat the dorayaki Chiyo got me with a smile on my face.

This does feel different than it has in the past. I hope it stays that way.

[guthrum06]

I spend most of the day resting in bed, though I do manage to do some of the homework that was due yesterday. That's definitely an improvement over how I've felt in the past. I could never do homework before.

There's still some time left until classes will be out, at which point I think my friends will be visiting.

In the meantime, I should call my parents and tell them what's going on. I talk to them almost every day, although usually in the evening when they are both home and the bakery is closed. I didn't call yesterday because I felt so sick.

Right now, my dad is probably out playing baseball, and my mom is probably working in the bakery, but it's usually dead around this time.

I get out my cell phone and call the bakery number. After a few rings, I hear my mother’s cheerful voice.

“Furukawa bakery. We currently have a special new bread that doesn't rise that we’re calling ‘cracker bread,’ it's delicious, flat, and dry, just how bread should be! What can I do for you today?”

“Hi mom.”

She responds so loudly I have to move the phone away from my ear, “NAGISA! How are you, dear? I don't have to ask why we didn't hear from you yesterday, because you sound like you don't feel well.”

She has always been around for my episodes. She's an expert when it comes to knowing I'm sick.

“You’re right. It started the day before yesterday. I slept all day yesterday.”

“Oh no. Do you need me to come take care of you?”

That's tempting. I do miss that…but it isn't a reasonable thing to expect.

“No. That's why you sent me here, right?”

Her tone gets serious, “Nagisa, we didn't send you to Yamaku so we didn't have to take care of you…”

“I-I know that. But the nurse has it covered here. And my friends are helping. I'm okay.”

“Does it feel any better than it used to?”

“A little. My temperature has gone down some, and I was able to do some homework.”

I can hear her smile, “Well, that's already a nice improvement.”

“Yeah. Is dad out with the neighborhood kids?”

My mom laughs, “I think he's repairing the neighbor's sink. He was going to play baseball after that, though. Do you want me to get him?”

“No, that's okay. I’ll call again this evening at the usual time.” I start to get a little choked up. “I miss you, mom.”

“We miss you too, dear. Every day. But you seem to be doing so well. Especially lately. Even on a day like today I can tell you’re happy.”

“I am happy. Even though I'm sick. I…like it here.”

“That's wonderful, dear. We'd like to come visit soon. We'll certainly come for your play.” She sighs, “Your dad also wants you to come home for his birthday, but I told him he was being unreasonable.”

I laugh, “I'd like to come home too some time. Maybe it will work out.”

“Okay, Nagisa. I should probably go mind the store. I love you.”

After I return her love we end the call, and for the first time since I've been here, I don't have overwhelming homesickness after talking to my parents.

…

I wake up to the sound of knocking on my door.

“C-come in.”

The door opens and Akane comes in wearing a surgical mask and holding a folder. She looks worried and it gets worse when she sees me in bed.

“You know…you should probably ask who it is before you invite me in. Or lock your door.”

“Well…I knew people were coming and I might fall asleep.”

She waves her hand, “Well, forget about that for now. How are you feeling?”

“N-not…good.”

“Yeah…you don't look good.”

“Gee, thanks.”

She laughs, “It sucks that you’re sick, but…I am…kind of relieved. You didn't come to class. And you didn't answer when I came by for our evening chat the last couple nights. I thought…” She nervously looks over in the direction of the open door and quietly says “...maybe you were mad at me after all. After what I did.”

I'm confused for a moment, but then my feverish mind catches up.

Oh! The last time we saw each other was the morning after we kissed.

“N-no. Just sick. I was asleep. I-I'm really sorry I made you feel that way.”

She ruffles my hair, “Silly Nagisa. You don't need to apologize for being sick.” She gestures toward the door, “Anyway, Daiki let me know you were sick, so we came to check on you.”

Only now do I notice that Daiki is waiting outside the door.

“Y-you can come in, too, Daiki.”

He ducks under the door frame and waves and smiles at me. He is about as wide as the space between my bed and the far wall. He looks like he's in a really tiny room, instead of a standard dorm room.

Akane sits in the desk chair to make more room for him.

Akane says, “Have you been to the nurse and tested for flu and strep?”

“I've been to the nurse. But I'm not that kind of sick. Although I wish someone would tell my body that.”

Akane looks confused and so does Daiki.

I explain my condition to the two of them and by the time I'm done, Akane looks embarrassed and takes her mask off.

“Sorry for wearing that. And asking those dumb questions. And…saying I was relieved a minute ago. I didn’t know this could be really serious. I knew you had a chronic illness of some kind…but not the details.”

“Silly Akane, you d-don’t have to apologize for not knowing something.”

She scoffs and then sticks her tongue out at me, “I guess we both apologize too much.” She brandishes the folder, “Well, I have the hand outs you've missed so far. And Daiki and I are going to keep you up to date with classes. We’ll alternate . He wanted to do it today.” She stands up and gives my hand a little squeeze. “I hope you feel better, Nagisa. I’ll drop by later to check on you.”

“Th-thank you. You can just come in if I don't answer.”

She nods and heads towards the door, and Daiki does his best to make room for her to leave, but even when he turns sideways it's a tight squeeze. If I had the energy, I would probably laugh at both of their embarrassed faces as she brushes against him.

After she leaves, he closes the door. I suddenly realize there's nowhere he can sit, except maybe my bed. I think this is also the first time I’ve ever been alone with a boy in my bedroom. I feel a little anxious about inviting him to sit on my bed when we’re all alone, but I shouldn't. He's really sweet and polite.

“U-um…you can sit on the end of the bed.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I'm short. I think there's room.”

I pull my legs back a little to give him as much room as possible.

He smiles and sits on the bed as far from me as he can.

“I'm really sorry you're sick, and that it might be awhile. We'll miss you in drama club.”

I sigh. “I'll miss drama club too. But…I hope I will be back soon.”

He nods, “Do you feel like talking about class stuff today? We can definitely put it off.”

“I probably can't do all of it today. You can tell me about one or two classes, though.”

He tells me about history and literature for the day, and leaves some photocopies of his notes. But he seems distracted the whole time, so I start to worry.

When he finishes I ask, “Is everything okay?”

“I don't feel right…finding out about your condition, how I did. Sort of eavesdropping on a conversation with your best friend.”

“I invited you in. It wasn't eavesdropping. And you’re my friend too.”

He massages his neck. “Still…you hadn't told me so far for a reason. I get not telling everyone about your condition.” He laughs, “Well, sort of. Obviously most people have a pretty good idea about mine when they look at me. They can figure it out in a glance, really.”

I laugh with him, “I wasn't really trying to hide it. It just didn't really come up since I hadn't been sick. I…would have told you if you asked.”

He smiles, “Okay. That makes me feel better. I'll…tell you stuff about mine, in return.”

“Okay. If you want to.”

He nods, “Ask any questions you have.”

I nod and think for a moment, “Um…you're the biggest person I've ever seen. That's from your condition?”

He laughs, “Yeah. I have gigantism. And yes that is the medical term. Pretty lazy if you ask me.”

I laugh, “Well…it tells people a lot from the name. I wish mine did. It is called…hyperimmunoglobulin D Syndrome. And I'm not even sure I said it right.”

He smiles, “Yeah, I guess there's an upside to it being so descriptive. I am definitely…gigantic.”

“H-how tall are you?”

He laughs, “You took a lot longer to ask me that than most people. 201 centimeters. And before you ask, I weigh 130 kilograms.”

I feel my mouth hang open at hearing these numbers, “Wow…I think of my dad as a tall man. And you’re…more than 25 centimeters taller…”

He laughs, “Yeah, I’d be a really big guy in any country, but I’m especially huge for Japan.” He smirks, “So, what about you? What's your height and weight?”

I feel my face flush, “I-it's not nice to ask a lady that!”

He chuckles, “Hey, you asked me. It’s only fair. Not like you have anything to be embarrassed about anyway.”

I sigh and quietly say, “43 kilograms and 155 centimeters.”

“See? Those are good numbers, right?”

I shrug, “I wish I was bigger sometimes. But I bet that sounds silly to you.”

He shrugs back, “Not really. I wish I was smaller all the time. We want what we can't have.”

“That's true. What…gives you gigantism? Is it genetic like mine?”

“There are lots of types. I don't think mine is genetic - it is called acromegaly. It means I had a tumor on my pituitary gland that made my growth hormone go crazy. So, I was this big by 14.”

I frown, “A tumor?”

“Yeah, but they removed it and I stopped growing. I ended up missing a year of school because of all that stuff.”

“Oh! That's kind of like me. Except I missed two years.”

He smiles, “Oh yeah. Guess we’re the oldest students on campus, huh?”

I nod, “Guess so.” I look at his cane for a moment wondering how I should ask about that. Or if I should.

He notices.

He holds it in both his hands. “I have this because my body is too big for my joints. I have the joints of a normal sized person, so the wear and tear isn’t good. My right knee is really screwed up. I am getting surgery this summer which should help.”

“That's good.”

He nods, “I am thankful they figured out what was going on with me if they did. Another year and I would have been much bigger and probably unable to move.”

“Well…I'm glad they removed it, then.”

“Me too.” He frowns. “Although…I wish there was some way to reverse it. No such luck, though.” He sighs, “It wouldn't be so bad if I was just tall.” He holds out his hand in front of himself, “But…my hands and feet are way bigger than anyone's should be. And I’m so much wider than anyone who isn’t a yokozuna.” He laughs bitterly and puts his hand down, “But…this is my body, for better or worse.”

I wish he weren't so down about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with him.

But…I can relate to being frustrated with your body for doing things you can't control. Maybe I can say something to make him feel better.

“W-well…you have a nice body.”

He smirks at me and raises an eyebrow. I don't know why at first. When I realize what I said, I feel my face flush.

“I…I just meant…” I sigh, “C-can I blame my fever?”

He laughs, “Sure. Well, I guess I'll get going. I think Chiyo and Ken are coming by at some point too. Get well soon, Nagisa.”

---

I'm in bed. I'm tired. But someone's here. They are stroking my hair. It feels really nice. And comforting.

Mom?

I open my eyes and notice there's a cold washcloth on my forehead. And Akane's sitting at my desk. Doing homework from the look of it.

I've been sick and stuck in my room for a week now. I haven't felt great and have needed lots of rest but I have mostly stayed on top of school work thanks to Daiki and Akane. Ken and Chiyo have stopped by a few times and I've been able to go over some lines with them. Chiyo painted my nails for me too.

My temperature has been between 37.5 and 38.5.

But even though I only just woke up, I feel much worse than I have lately.

“H-hey…”

Akane smiles, “Hi. How do you feel?”

“Bad. Th-thank you for this though.” I touch the wash cloth, “It…feels nice.”

“Good.”

“Um…h-how long have you been here?”

“I dunno. A couple hours.”

“Y-you…don't have to do that. I am…sure you have better things to do.”

She shakes her head and looks at me like I'm silly, “It was my day to fill you in on class stuff today anyway, and when you weren't awake I just stuck around and kept an eye on you.” She frowns, “Should I…not have?”

“N-no…it's…very nice of you. Thank…y-you.”

She frowns, “You seem…more out of it than the other times I've seen you. Weaker. Do we need to do anything?”

I ask for the thermometer and check my temperature. It's back up to 39.

I do my best to keep my composure. I focus on taking my pills.

Akane kneels next to the bed after giving me my pills and after I take them she says, “Are you okay? I know you feel sick but I mean…emotionally. You look really upset.”

I sigh, “It's the first time my temperature has gone this high since the first day. And I…do feel a lot worse. I'm worried I'll be stuck in here a lot longer…”

I feel tears coming. Closing my eyes doesn't keep them in.

Akane takes my hand in both of hers just as I start to cry. With her, I know I can cry all I need to, so I really let myself sob.

After a minute or two, I'm a little surprised when she gets in my bed with me and puts her arms around me and holds me close to her, and starts to stroke my hair. But it really comforts me, so I put my arms around her too.

Chiyo convinced me they will all still be here for me but I still don't know if I can take having to give up on my third year again. I want to graduate with my friends. I want to do our play.

As I start to calm down, I notice Akane is quietly saying something.

“Dango, Dango, Dango.”

It makes me laugh.

She laughs too and lets go of me, “Hey, you don’t like it when I laugh at your singing.”

I sniffle, “I know. I just didn't expect to hear that. Thank you. The Great Dango Family always helps.”

She laughs and gets out of the bed, “Good. You think you won't get better?”

I nod. “Not for a long time, anyway. Th-that's how it usually is. I was hopeful before, because my temperature had been going down. But now…I’m worried I won't be well enough for a long time. And…not in time for the play.”

She crossed her arms and puts her class rep face on, “They aren't pressuring you, are they?”

I shake my head, “They have been nice. And said everything will be fine even if I'm not well in time. But I still want to do it like we all planned.”

She puts the cold washcloth back on my head which fell off when I was crying, “Yeah. I get it. You've worked really hard.”

I smile at her, “Thank you for singing and soothing me. And taking care of me.”

“You're welcome. Only fair that I've seen you cry now. I’ve only seen you tear up a little but you've seen me sob plenty of times.”

“R-really? I cry a lot, so I didn't realize.”

She nods solemnly, “Meanwhile, I'm not normally a cryer, but I have been lately.” She laughs wryly. “Anyway, what do we need to do about your fever?”

I sigh, “If it's still this bad tomorrow. I'll call the nurse. Hopefully…this is temporary. Maybe the medication I just took will help.”

Akane nods, “I don't think we'll be talking about class today. You look exhausted. You should probably get some more sleep.”

I nod and close my eyes, “Yeah, I will. My body will make me, don't worry. You d-don’t need to stay. You've already been here so long and I'll just sleep. Chiyo will check on me in the morning. I'll be okay.”

She sounds annoyed, or maybe surprised, when she says, “Chiyo!?”

Confused, I open my eyes to look at her face. But there’s no sign of anything there. Maybe I’m hearing things because I’m sick. Or it was a cochlear implant thing and she doesn't know she sounded that way.

I close my eyes again, “Yeah, she comes every morning.”

“I…know. I'll…probably go once you fall asleep.”

I hear her sit back at the desk. Then I hear the pleasant white noise of her pencil moving across paper on the wooden desk.

---

I'm in bed and someone is gently nudging my shoulder. I feel really groggy and don't want to open my eyes. But it must be important.

“Nagisa?”

I reluctantly open my eyes and see Chiyo holding my thermometer.

I try to smile, but even that seems exhausting. I feel awful. Even worse than last night. My head is pounding and I feel really weak.

“…morning.”

She looks guilty, “Morning. Sorry to wake you…but uh…Akane…left a note that your temperature was high last night and I should be sure to check it this morning. I thought about trying to do it with you asleep…but that seemed weird.”

I nod and take the thermometer and put it under my tongue.

She frowns, “It's up to 40. How do you feel?”

“...bad.”

“Should you call the nurse?”

I nod and she hands me my phone.

It must be obvious that I'm doing poorly because she asks, “Do you want me to talk to him?”

I nod.

“Okay. You let me know if I say anything that's wrong.”

I nod again and she calls the nurse.

“H-hello sir. I'm checking on my friend Nagisa….yes, Furukawa. I'm checking on her this morning a-and her temperature is 40 and is up from 39 since last night. Sh-she's very weak, too tired to talk much. She…doesn't look or sound like herself.”

She pauses for a moment, the nurse must be saying something.

“Y-yes sir. I can do that. I-I’m on my way.”

She hangs up the phone and hands it to me before standing up. She looks very worried.

“He wants to see you in person. I’m going to go get you a wheelchair and I’ll take you, okay? I’ll be right back.”

I shake my head and try to sit up but Chiyo shakes her head right back, “You’re probably right that you don’t need a wheelchair, but it's safest and what he told me to do. Just…stay in bed until I’m back.”

…

The nurse has just finished questioning and examining me. Now he’s looking at me with a hand on his chin and a furrowed brow. Chiyo has stayed with me the whole time.

“Okay, here's the plan. You’re going to stay in one of the beds here today so I can monitor you. I'm also going to get you set up with an IV of the most powerful antipyretic we have here. It's called metamizol. It will definitely lower your fever, and hopefully we can keep it low from there with your usual meds.”

He sounds confident. I hope he's right.

I nod just as the first bell rings. Chiyo doesn't leave my side.

“You can go…I'm just going to sleep here while he gives me the medicine”

“You're sure?”

I nod, “Tell Akane…please.”

“Um…yeah. I…will. Hope you feel better, Nagisa.”

…

I just woke up in the nurse's office. I feel much better than I did earlier. I can tell because I'm aware of how uncomfortable the hospital bed is and I don't feel exhausted.

Someone's holding my hand.

I open my eyes and see a very worried Akane. She's sort of staring into space and biting her lip.

I squeeze her hand and say, “H-hi there.”

She whips her head around to look at me, “Nagisa! How do you feel?”

“A lot better.”

Her whole body relaxes and she looks up at my IV drip, “It looks like you had all the medicine. I'm glad it worked.”

“Me too. What time is it? After school?”

She shakes her head, “It's lunch. I stopped by to check on you and…once I saw you I wasn't sure I could go back.”

“Well, I'm okay now. And our class will fall apart without you.”

She laughs, “That's true. You really do seem like your usual self. Thank goodness.”

“Yeah…I feel a little sick still, but nothing too bad. Thank you for checking on me like you always do.”

She squeezes my hand and smiles at me, so I smile back.

Then, she takes a deep breath and looks down, “I…need to tell you something. I was just planning on…letting it go, and…not telling you. And I figured I'd just get past it. But I think I have to say it. J-just to get it out.” She looks back up and locks eyes with me, “Nagisa, I-”

The nurse suddenly draws back the curtain around my bed. Akane stops mid sentence and quickly lets go of my hand when he does.

Hw says, “So, the patient is awake? How is she feeling?”

Akane says, “She's back to her usual self.”

I nod, “Yep. I'm much better. I'm sure my fever is…37.9 at most, now.”

The nurse chuckles, “Oh? You can tell how high it is, can you? That's quite the skill.”

I nod, “I'm usually pretty close. I have been getting sick like this my whole life after all.”

“Well, let's see how good you are.” He points his thermometer at my forehead and smirks once it beeps. “37.8. That's some skill, little lady.”

I laugh, “Not a very useful one, though.”

The nurse chuckles again before pulling up a stool and removing my IV.

“Well, you can head back to the dorm. I think from here, if you stay on top of your meds, we should keep that fever more manageable. If it spikes again, we know it responds to this.”

Akane smiles, “That's great.” She looks at me, “Should I take you back?”

I shake my head, “You don't have time.”

Akane pouts but then the nurse looks at his watch and nods, “She's right. I'll have one of the aides take her.”

She sighs, “Okay, fiiinee. Um…we’ll talk later, okay?”

…

Once I'm back in my room, it takes me longer than usual to get back to sleep.

I'm worried about Akane. I don't know what she was going to say, but she looked so serious. I hope I'm well enough for one of our chats later.

…

I just woke up from a nap. It must be the evening because Akane’s at my desk.

When I roll over, she looks up from what she's doing and smiles at me, “Hey. You still seem pretty bright-eyed.”

I nod, “I don't feel too bad.”

“That's great. The nurse really knows what he's doing, huh? I never really have to see him and was a little skeptical from the few times I'd interacted with him.”

I laugh and nod, “He's silly but good at his job. Um…what did you want to tell me earlier? Before he interrupted us?”

She frowns, “You remember that?”

I nod.

Akane winces, “I-it's nothing. Don't worry about it. I decided…we don't need to talk about it.”

I frown, “It seems like something. You don't want to tell me? Don’t we talk about everything?”

“Well…yeah. But you're really sick. It can wait, at least.”

“Okay…but I may be sick for a long time, and I feel more clear headed than I have in awhile. So it might be a good time.”

She shakes her head and sharpens her voice, “We’ll talk about it another time, okay?”

I frown and start to rack my mind. I can tell I won't get anywhere asking her to tell me. But maybe I can guess.

After a couple of minutes, I think I have my answer. And it makes me feel horrible.

I quietly say, “I…think I know what it is. And…I'm really sorry, Akane.”

Akane's eyebrows shoot up, “Y-you…know? I…guess it's kind of obvious.” She sighs, “Well then…you…don't need to be sorry. It's just…how things are. I just…wanted to get it out there. I wasn't expecting anything. I…understand.” She frowns and looks down at her hands, “Will you…still be my friend?”

“That's…up to you, isn't it?”

She knits her eyebrows and narrows her eyes, “Why would it…only be up to me? I think you should probably have a say too.”

“But…I'm the one who messed up. I wouldn’t blame you if you were mad.”

She squints and says the words as if she's never heard them before, “Messed…up?”

I nod, “We never talked about what happened with your dad. You’re always here taking care of me and I haven't even asked how it went.

Akane's mouth hangs open for a second and then says, “Ohhh. Right. Yes. That's what I wanted to talk about earlier. For sure.”

“So…that's why it's up to you. Because I wasn't a good friend to you.”

Akane rolls her eyes, “You’ve been really sick. It isn’t that big of a deal.”

“Okay. But…we can talk about it now. I want to know what happened.”

Akane nods, “It went well thanks to my stepmom mediating. She should be an ambassador or something.” She laughs, “My dad agreed that he needs to stop telling me what to do with my life. I agreed to always follow his rules in the house and to never try to influence my little sisters. He was really worried about that.”

“But you never wanted to!”

Akane laughs, “I know. But I get it. Even just me being around them might influence them so…I need to do my best to minimize it. He's right.”

I nod, “I'm glad you came to an agreement.”

She smiles, “Me too. I feel much better about everything. We'll see if he holds to the agreement, though.”

“You think he might not?”

She sighs, “I dunno. I know it will be hard for him. I know he loves me. And he genuinely believes it will be better for me if I stop using my implants. To him…it's like any advice you'd give your kid, you know?

Do your best in school. Don't do drugs. Don't have sex without protection. Don't use cochlear implants. It's all the same to him, you know?”

“Oh. I get it now.”

“Yeah, he'll try to understand my side. Just like I'm trying to understand his. But…he might have a relapse. We'll see.”

“How does your stepmom feel about it? She seems like she's less strict about it.”

She laughs, “You know…I have no idea. She doesn't really say anything about it one way or another, other than that my dad and I both need go set aside our differences and be nice to each other. I guess…since she always plays peacemaker, I think she must think it's okay I have them even though she doesn't want her kids to have them.”

I nod, “Yeah, that's probably true. Um…I think at some point, maybe after I feel better and the play…I'd like to learn sign. At least a little bit.”

Akane smiles ear to ear and sounds very excited, “Really?!”

I nod, “Yeah. You're my best friend and I want to meet your family. A-and…be able to talk to them at least a little. And it's your mother tongue, too. I should know at least a little.”

Akane nods enthusiastically, “I'll definitely teach you, then.”

“I'm glad we talked about this.”

Akane smiles, “Me too. I think…we can put this issue firmly behind us.”