Yamaku: The Next Generation (COMPLETE!)

[Mirage_GSM]

I think that noodle-type pastas can't be dumplings though, since they are not 'dumps' but drawn out into filaments. Hence I would exclude pasta that is made into long thin strips.

That definition would also exclude most kinds of Spätzle, as they are either pressed or planed.

And I finally caught up!
I can only repeat this is a great story. If I had to criticize anything it would again be that the h-scenes - while certainly better written than most - seem in most cases not to advance the story as much as they are just ticking off new positions...
Also, because they are so numerous, they are neccessarily a bit repetitive, especially if, like me, you're catching up and read multiple chapters at once.
And finally it makes the Sexual Content warnings a bit useless, because if someone actually wanted to skip chapters because of those warnings, they could only read half the story

As before, some comments I noted down while reading:

Later that day, when we go to band...

You never specify when band practice actually is - or how often per week - but the first week it was only on Tuesday and this week it is on Monday.
Plausible if it's just because it was the first week after break, and I didn't really pay much attention to it; I just noticed in this case.

We have a food booth this year, I decided that was less of a headache than a game.

Food is less of a headache than a game?

My blood starts to boil the minute I see his profile picture.

You know... If I were Akari or Ai, I would have followed that guy's Social Media, just in case such a thing happened...

I compliement what the entire orchestra is doing all on my own...

My mom demanded that me and AkariAkari and I come to her place for dinner tonight. She is very excited about this whole thing. About as excited as me and AkariAkari and I.

Only after dinner does she really broach the elephant in the room.

You can't broach an elephant. You can broach a subject or a topic and talk about or address the elephant in the room.

"A-Chan! Merry Christmas!"

Not commenting on Kay-chan, because I already did in your prequel story.
A-chan really feels strange, though. It would not be Aka-chan, because that is Japanese for "baby", so I think you would just use "Akari-chan" with that name.

"Public transportation is better, maybe? Everything runs on time and it's a helluva lot less crowded."

I give you "less crowded" - and that only compared to Tokyo at rush hour - but "on time"??? Especially compared to Japan? Carsten quite obviously never actually travelled with Deutsche Bahn, or he would know better... This year a friend from Japan visited Germany for the first time, and when I told her Deutsche Bahn considers delays up to 15 minutes to be "on time" she thought I was making fun of her...

My aunt invites Akari and Ime out, too...

But I'm an English professor, so I don't have any problem with the "l" sound.

I think the Japanese "r" sound is much closer to an "l" than an "r", so I would rather say the Japanese have problems with the "r" sound, but that's just my personal observation from learning Japanese, not based in linguistics...

I'm 33.

Oooh, an adult character who is not close to retirement or well beyond it

[guthrum06]

And I finally caught up!
I can only repeat this is a great story. If I had to criticize anything it would again be that the h-scenes - while certainly better written than most - seem in most cases not to advance the story as much as they are just ticking off new positions...
Also, because they are so numerous, they are neccessarily a bit repetitive, especially if, like me, you're catching up and read multiple chapters at once.
And finally it makes the Sexual Content warnings a bit useless, because if someone actually wanted to skip chapters because of those warnings, they could only read half the story

I'm really happy to hear that you've continued to enjoy the story, and happy to get your feedback.

Re: H-scenes -- while they may not move the plot forward, per se, I do think all of them serve a purpose in developing the characters and/or the relationship. There could maybe be fewer, but I guess I'm saying they don't just exist for the sake of "ticking off new postions" either.

You make a good point about the warnings. I should probably just have "Occasional Sexual Content Throughout" in the first post instead of putting it on an individual chapter. Kind of spoilery too in some cases when I do it that way.

[Mirage_GSM]

I mean, I don't think there are many people who would avoid the chapters/story because of the warning, but if you want to use them you could always put those scenes in separate posts instead of in the middle of one giant one.
Those would still be longer than most complete chapters in other stories.

[guthrum06]

I'm in bed and waiting for Akari to finish her shower. Tomorrow is our anniversary. We're going to the Shanghai, like we did on our first date. Then, we're going to snuggle up and watch a bunch of Bloom into You, because it has been hard to find the time. There's not a better time to watch it than our anniversary.

I can't believe we've been together for a year. That seems like a long time…but the fact that just over a year ago we were only friends… is almost unfathomable now. How did I ever not realize she was the love of my life? Past Kayoko was dumb.

I'm tired after a busy day. I tend to be on days when I have classes, club activities, physical therapy and Junichiro's piano lessons. I'm looking forward to getting my snuggle on when Akari gets back. In the meantime, I guess I'll mess around on my phone and maybe text Shizuka. When I pick it up, I see I have a text from Hideki. I haven't heard from him in a while.

"Hey, it's really cool Akari is coming here for an audition in a couple weeks. Will you come with her? It would be great to see you both."

My blood goes cold. It feels like the room is spinning.

What? Is this…a joke or something? It must be a joke. Some weird joke about how he left me to go to Juilliard and now she's going to do the same. Right? Hahaha very funny.

That…doesn't sound like his sense of humor, though…

Akari comes in from the shower. I don't even look up at her. My eyes are fixed on the text message, as if I will discern some hidden meaning beneath the words.

While she dries her hair, she approaches me and says, "Hey… you look…p-pale. Everything okay?"

I look up at her. Without saying a word, I hand her my phone with the message open. She reads it and I see traces of panic on her face. Panic starts to grow in me as a result.

She hands me back my phone, sits down next to me and takes my hand. "I…w-was g-going to tell you."

I rip my hand away from her without even caring about the risk of a dislocation. I break eye contact, and quietly say, "So…it's true?"

She nods guiltily. "It…is. I'm…r-really s-sorry."

I feel sick.

"You…you told me you want to be with me forever. So many times. But…how can we if…if…"

I start sobbing and can't finish my sentence. She puts her arms around me, but I wriggle out of them. I leave her room and slam her door as hard as I can. I go into my room and lock the door. I crawl into my bed and get in the fetal position while I snuggle my capybara, and I sob uncontrollably.

She lied to me. So many times. I thought we would be together forever. I can't believe she would hide this from me. But she told me herself that it was true.

I hear her knock on my door, "Kayoko…can we p-please talk?"

Before I know what's happening, in between sobs I scream, "NO! I'M… NEVER ...TALKING TO…YOU…AGAIN!"

I hear her start to cry and then go back to her room.

Good. I hope you feel bad for lying to me. For making me fall so deeply in love with you. For telling me you wanted to be with me forever.

I continue to cry while holding my capybara.

My dad gave this to my mom. I wish he were here. He would know what to do. He'd be able to make it hurt a little less.

This pain…it's so much worse than what I felt when Hideki left. And it isn't just emotional. I feel sick to my stomach. My head hurts. My chest aches.

…

After I've been crying for what must have been an hour, my mom calls me. I was going to call her once I cried myself out, but it is taking longer than expected.

I try to pull myself together a little bit before I pick up. I don't really succeed.

"H-Hey…m-mom."

She sounds very worried. "Sweetie? Are you okay? Akari called and said you needed me. But didn't explain. She sounded upset. And…so do you."

"W-we just broke up."

My mom gasps, "What?! But-"

I cut her off and choke out the words even as I'm being overwhelmed by tears, "But…nothing, mom. She's going to Juilliard. And she…hid it from…me. I…had to find…out f-f-from…Hideki of all people."

My mom is silent apart from some sniffling.

"I…I just…I can't believe she would do that to you, sweetie. It doesn't make sense. She loves you more than anything."

"She did it, mom. I showed her the t-text from Hideki…sh-she said it was true…and she said she was sorry."

My mom is silent for a full ten seconds. Now I can hear her crying softly. "…I'm s-so sorry sweetie. Do you want me to get you?"

"P-please."

I pull myself together and gather up as many of my things as I can safely carry. Which isn't very much, unfortunately. But I don't plan on coming back to this dorm room ever again. I can't be across the hall from her every day. I can't be in this space where we made love and shared so many wonderful moments. Especially because I know now she lied to me countless times in the very same bed. I can have my mom or Carsten or someone get the other stuff.

As I'm putting things in my bag, there's a knock on my door. It isn't Akari's knock. Although maybe she's trying to disguise it.

I cautiously say, "Who is it?"

"Um…Chisa…"

I sigh and open the door. She looks very worried.

"I-is everything okay? A little while ago, I…heard…yellin'."

I invite her in and close the door as I continue to pack.

"Akari and I broke up. So…that's what you heard. I'm sorry I…lost my temper. You shouldn't have had to hear."

"B-broke up? Why?"

This girl is way too nosy about things that aren't her business and I've had ENOUGH of it.

"I don't feel like talking about it. It isn't like we're close anyway. You barely know me. So just…leave me alone. That's what I need. Now…just…get out of my way. I'm trying to leave, if you didn't notice."

She nods and opens the door for me. As I go through it, I see her face. She's on the verge of tears. I feel a brief pang of guilt, but it's quickly consumed by the sorrow and anger currently ablaze inside of me.

I get to the ground floor and head towards the gate. Just as I'm approaching it, I see Akari has followed me from the dorms. She's crying. She's an arm's length away from me now.

"Kayoko…please…j-j-just…let…me-"

I explode in her face, hot tears streaming down my cheeks "I TOLD YOU I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN!"

She recoils from my voice and falls to her knees, then she falls forward on her hands. At first, I'm just going to go outside of the gate and leave her there, but I hear a familiar sound. One that sets off alarm bells. She's hyperventilating. And it's because I just yelled at her. Part of me still wants to leave her, but I can't. She may have really hurt me. But I love her. I shouldn't have yelled at her like this. No matter what. I can't stand idly by while this is happening. Not when it's my fault.

I sit down next to her. I almost put my arms around her out of habit, but I don't. It would hurt too much. Instead, I rub her back with one hand and use the other to get out my phone and call Ai.

"Hey, Kayoko, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

I do my best to sound completely normal when I say, "Can you or Carsten come down to the front gate? Akari is having a panic attack."

"Um…yeah, but-"

"I'm going to my mom's, so she really needs one of you to help her."

She's silent for a second and then with a million questions in her voice she says, "Okay…we'll both come down."

After a few minutes I see both Carsten and Ai coming my way from the dorms. Meanwhile, my mom pulls up on the other side of the gate. I really don't want to talk about this with them right now. I better make my escape.

I stop rubbing Akari's back and stand up. "Thanks guys, I've gotta go!"

I head towards the gate, and I hear a concerned Carsten say, "Kayoko, wait! What's going on? What happened? Why are you leaving?"

I pretend like I can't hear him, go through the gate, and get in my mom's car.

She forces a smile, "Hey, sweetie."

I put my arms around my mom, and she does the same for me.

I want to sob, but we need to get away from Yamaku right now.

As if reading my mind, my mom says, "Let's just get you home, okay?"

…

"Do you want me to sleep with you?"

I just got in bed for the night. I feel horrible. Maybe the worst I've ever felt. There is still a hollow ache in my stomach and chest. Accompanied by a feeling that I'm completely lost. In every way.

Losing my father really hurt. But…it was a different kind of hurt. I lost him, but it wasn't because he betrayed me. He didn't hurt me. Losing him did.

This time…someone I love more than anything did something that hurt me. That…makes it hurt even more, in some ways.

My entire world is turned on its head. My past, my present, my future. None of it…is what I thought. I feel the pain of loss. But also, the pain of betrayal. With a heaping spoonful of uncertainty.

I'm really anxious about the silence of bedtime. A time I associate with Akari. My mom has picked up on that. She also knows the last time I had a breakup, I needed someone to sleep with me. Of course, it was Akari then…

As I feel more tears well up inside, I nod feebly at my mother. She puts a hand on my cheek and smiles down at me. Her eyes haven't been dry tonight either. She loves Akari. She never imagined she would do this. She lied to both of us. She hurt both of us.

My mom sits on the side of the bed and takes off her legs. "I wish I could help in more ways than that." Then she gets in bed next to me and strokes my back. "Let me know if I can do anything for you, sweetie. Anything at all."

I nod.

I hear my mom sniffling behind me, "You d-don't need to worry about going to school tomorrow."

Shit. I hadn't even thought that far ahead. Akari is in all my classes. At least I'm not in band anymore but…the idea of being in class with her is enough to make me feel even more ill.

"Okay."

I'm sure it's frustrating my mother that I haven't been very talkative tonight. But I know if I open my mouth for anything more than a few words, I'm just going to start sobbing again. I've had enough of that for the day.

My mom hugs me close from behind, resting her head on my back.

"I know it hurts. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that it won't, or that it will be over soon. It won't. It's going to take time. And it's gonna suck. Hard. But…it will get better. And in the meantime, I'm here for you."

"Thank you, mom."

"No problem, sweetie. I…don't know if you can sleep, but I'm going to do my best to stroke your back how your dad did. So…close your eyes, try to relax as best you can. If you want to stay up, we can do that too."

I nod, clutch my capybara to my chest and close my eyes while my mom strokes my back.

---

I just woke up. I roll over and try to put my arms around Akari, but…there's no one there. I open my eyes and see that I'm in my room at home.

Akari and I broke up last night. I hold my capybara to my face and cry into it for a few minutes before my mom knocks on the door and comes in.

"Hey sweetie. I took off work today, so we can do whatever you need."

I sniffle, "You can go to work. I th-think I just want to go back to sleep. For the day. I don't feel like coping just yet."

"Well…you can do that, but I'm still not going."

I nod and my mom sits down on the bed and strokes my hair. "You don't want anything to eat before you go back to bed? I have melonbread."

Melonbread. The first meal Akari and I ever had together. The little treat we would get for one another when our health was causing us problems.

I start to cry hard. So hard I'm starting to have a hard time breathing. I'm starting to get lightheaded and hot. This is probably what it feels like when Akari hyperventilates. It's awful. I can't believe she has to experience this so often.

Why am I still thinking about her? Will I ever be able to stop?

My mom wraps her arms around me and rests her head on my shoulder. I lie back down, and my mom strokes my hair while she holds me. I've been holding back, but I don't need to anymore. I need to feel this to process it. I need to feel everything. The heartbreak. The feeling of betrayal. The crushing sadness…

…

I wake up. This time I remember where I am. I feel drained. Exhausted. I look at my phone and see that it's late afternoon. I really did sleep all day.

I have several texts and missed calls from Ai and Carsten. I turn my phone back over, roll back over in bed and pull the comforter over my head. I'm not ready to confront this. I'm going back to sleep.

…

I wake up and look at my phone again. It's 8 p.m. now. I literally haven't left the bed all day. I guess I probably should. I have even more texts and missed calls. I sigh deeply and leave my phone on my nightstand.

I get up, wrap my comforter around me, and go out to the living room. My mom smiles when she sees me, "Hungry?"

"Now that you mention it…yes."

She smiles, "That's good. I'll get you something."

I sit down at the dining table and let out a heavy sigh. Just getting out of bed and facing this world is hard. This world without Akari. She's not part of my life anymore. I've gotten so used to her being such a big part of my world. Past, present, and future. How am I supposed to fix that?

My mom comes back with some reheated stir fry. I eat about a quarter of the modest serving she brought me before feeling full. I haven't eaten all day and that's still the best I can do.

When my mom notices that I'm not eating anymore, she says, "I hope you don't mind but…Ai and Carsten called me, and they were very worried. I told them you were here and resting. That's all."

I want to ask if they said how Akari is doing…but I shouldn't.

I nod, "That's good. I…shouldn't have just ditched them how I did. I have a bunch of calls and texts from them too, but I didn't want to respond."

My mom nods, "That's fine sweetie. Now you don't have to."

I sigh, "I probably should. They're my friends. I will later."

My mom nods, and then I blurt out the words that have been floating around in my head for the last 24 hours. I start crying as I do. "I…I just don't know what I'm going to do without her…I…love…her…so…m-m-much. I…w-wanted to be with her…f-f-forever…"

My mom gets up and hugs my head to her chest. "I know sweetie. You don't think there's any way to make it work?"

I sniffle, "If…she had told me she was doing this…I think I would have wanted to try to stay together. Do long distance. We always said nothing could keep us apart. But…she hid it from me…for I don't know how long…the audition is just weeks away now…."

My mom is trembling with anger. "Yeah…I…really can't believe she did this. I know she did but…my image of Akari was all wrong…I guess. I thought…this is a girl who would never hurt Kayoko, she loves her too much…" She trails off.

I start crying harder because my first instinct is to defend her. "I…s-still think she's a good person…b-but …she made a bad mistake. One that really hurt me."

My mom strokes my hair and smiles at me.

…

After spending about an hour with my mom, I feel exhausted, and I get back in bed. When I look at my phone, it vibrates. Mrs. Yoshida is calling me. I want to throw my phone as hard as I can at the wall. I almost do, dislocations be damned. But then, I start to think maybe something is really wrong with Akari. I curse myself for still being this worried about her, and I answer the call.

"Hi, Mrs. Yoshida."

"Kayoko, h-hello…can you please explain what happened between you and Akari?"

She sounds like a different person. She's upset, frantic, and concerned.

"Why don't you ask your daughter? I don't want to talk about it. I'm too upset."

"K-kayoko… please. She won't tell me anything. Just that you broke up with her. I just…I want to do my due diligence…see if I can help."

I feel my blood boil.

"She told you I broke up with her?"

"Yes. Is that not how it happened?"

I sigh, "I…guess it is. But…it's her fault."

There is some serious desperation in her voice when she says, "P-please tell me what happened…please, Kayoko."

I sigh, "I found out about Juilliard through a mutual friend of ours."

"Sh-she….DIDN'T TELL YOU?!"

"Nope."

When I hear nothing from the other side, I look at my phone and see that the call has ended. She sounded pissed. Like as pissed as she was at me that day in the medical building. Maybe so pissed that she had to hang up the phone and call her daughter right away. That'skind of validating. I hope she is tearing Akari a new one right now. I smile slightly for the first time in 24 hours.

…

30 minutes later, I get another call. This time from Ai. I should probably answer. 24 hours of silence is probably enough, and I am sure they are very worried.

"Hey, Kayoko…how are you feeling?"

"The worst I've ever felt, you?"

"I'm…really sorry about that. I'm okay…um, don't hang up when I say this, but you need to talk to Akari, okay?"

I sigh, "Why? I can't believe anything she says."

"I know she really messed up, but…you two need to talk. You love her, right?"

I sigh, "...yes, somehow I still do. I wish I didn't."

"Well then…just talk to her. I'm not telling you to take her back. But…please just have an actual talk about this. So far…it was just you yelling at her, and her having a panic attack, wasn't it?"

Sounds pretty bad when she puts it like that.

I sigh, "Yes, that's mostly what it was. Fine, Ai. I'll talk to her tomorrow. But I'm doing it for you."

She breathes a sigh of relief, "Whatever, I'll take it. Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"I will. Thanks."

[hdkv]

So, when reader is calm, happy and already thinks that the story is going into happy conclusion, you decide to crank up drama from zero to eleven in one message.

And now Kayoko cried and slept the day of their anniversary.

Huh. Look forward for next chapter and how their talk will work out!

[guthrum06]

The next day I sleep in until about 11 a.m. The first thing I do when I wake up is text Akari.

"Ai is right. We need to talk about this."

Akari responds almost immediately. I guess she isn't going to class either.

"Can I call now?"

"Sure."

Seconds later, my phone is ringing. When I answer, I do so with as detached a voice as possible.

"Hi, Akari."

"K-kayoko…I'm s-so s-sorry…."

She sounds awful. Her nose is stuffed and her voice is raw. I guess that's probably how I sound too.

"Yeah? Sorry you lied to me?"

So much for trying to sound detached.

"Y-yes…"

"Well…apology not accepted. Is that all you have to say? That you're sorry? And you expect me to just say, 'Oh, that's okay Akari. We'll just keep fucking until we graduate…and then you can go to university in America, which you decided to do behind my back. But it's no big deal.' Is that what you're expecting?"

"N-No…"

I sigh, "Alright, then. I think we're done here. Bye, Akar-"

She raises her voice and interrupts me, "N-No! K-kayoko…I want to be with you."

I scoff. "Yeah? How are you going to manage that?"

"I'm not g-going to go to university there. I'm staying in Japan. I'm j-just doing the audition."

"Why?"

"W-why?"

"Yes."

"Your aunt c-convinced me to do it. J-just for the experience. Maybe m-making some contacts."

Oh great, my aunt knew and didn't tell me either. I'll deal with THAT later.

"What if you get in?"

"What?"

"If you get in…and you will …you're going to say, 'no thanks, I don't want to attend the best music school in the world'?"

"Y-yes."

"You can't do that."

"Why?"

"Isn't it your dream? To be first chair in a world class orchestra?"

"Well…yeah…"

"Isn't Juilliard one of the best places to help you achieve that?"

"M-maybe…"

"Then, I don't want you to decide not to go there because of me. It…it's just like Hideki…I wanted to beg him to stay, and I didn't. I'm not going to beg you either."

"B-but…you're so important to m-me…"

"If I'm so important to you, why did you hide this from me? Why didn't you tell me about the audition?"

She's quiet for a moment. "I…should have. I was afraid to. I thought…because it was Juilliard…you'd get upset. I w-was trying to find a way to tell you…but kept p-putting it off. I…almost told you the night of the double date with Junichiro and Chisa. But…I chickened out. Obviously not telling you was way w-worse…"

I snap at her, "No shit, Akari!"

She sighs, "Kayoko. I'm not going to go to Juilliard. I swear. Please…can't we just… be together."

"No. You…still lied to me. And hid something you knew was going to hurt me. And I found out from Hideki."

She starts sniffling on the other end of the line, "Kayoko, please. I l-love you."

"Are you sure? Because hiding something like this isn't something you do to someone you love."

She's crying now, "I know. I really messed up. I'm s-s-so sorry for that. I'm n-never going to hide anything from you ever again. I never lied to you about wanting to be with you forever, okay? That's been true for so long…I w-would never lie about that. I love you just as much as I always have. M-more even."

I sigh, "Look…I need to think about things a while longer, okay?"

"...okay. I understand."

"We should…meet tomorrow. Hash this out in person after we both think about this for another day."

"Okay."

"Goodbye, Akari."

"Bye…I love you, Kayoko."

We end the call and I lay down on my stomach and cry into my bed. My mom hears me and knocks and says, "Sweetie, can I come in?"

"Y-yes."

She sits on the bed and looks dejected. "The call didn't go well?"

I roll on my side and look at her. "I don't know. She says she never really wanted to go to Juilliard. She just wanted to audition for the experience."

My mom brightens up, "Isn't that a good thing?"

I sigh. "I don't know. I feel really conflicted about everything. I want her to stay. But I'm really hurt that she didn't tell me. And I'm worried she's just saying she'll stay because of me. I don't want her to do that. I want her to make the decision for herself."

My mom hugs me. "That's okay, you have time to think about it right?"

"Yeah. We are meeting tomorrow…to resolve this. What do you think I should do?"

She breaks the hug and smiles at me, "I don't know. This is all up to you. You're at a crossroads. I adore Akari. Love her even. I know you two love each other deeply. But if you can't forgive her for hiding this from you, or if you think the right thing is to let her go so she can make this decision without you in mind…I'm not going to fight you. Whichever choice you make, it's the right one and I'll support it."

I hug my mom and cry on her shoulder while she holds me. After a few minutes, I say, "Aunt Chisato knew about this all along."

"What!?"

"Th-that's what Akari said."

My mom is shaking from anger but trying to keep her voice calm. It's only half working. "Yes…well, I'm sure there's an explanation. I'll call her."

I nod. "Okay. Thanks…for everything mom."

"Of course, dear."

After my mom leaves, I look at the time, and realize my friends are at lunch. I need to talk to Junichiro, because I won't be able to teach him today. Calling sounds easier than texting, because I can just get it all out of the way.

When he answers, he sounds very worried. "H-hey, Kayoko…how are you doing?"

"You…know what happened?"

"Well…yeah. Chisa filled me in some, and It's just been us and Carsten at lunch the last two days. He filled us in on the rest."

Shit! Chisa.

"Um…you're with Chisa now?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Can you hand her the phone please?"

"…yeah, but why?"

Clearly, she didn't tell him how awful I was to her. I'm thankful for that.

"I just…have something I need to tell her."

There's silence and then I hear her voice. She sounds a little scared. Maybe she thinks I'm going to chew her out. I guess I don't blame her given what I was like when she saw me last.

"H-hey, Kayoko…I'm…sorr-"

I cut her off, "Let me stop you right there. I want to apologize to you."

"B-but, I shouldn't ha-"

"You were just checking on your friend that you were worried about. I would do it too. I was in a bad place, and I was a total bitch to you. There's no excuse for that and I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. Thank you for trying to help."

"I-it's okay. I understand."

She still sounds scared. Not sure I got through to her, but that's the best I'm going to be able to do right now.

"Can you give the phone back to Junichiro?"

I hear the phone change hands again and then Junichiro greets me again.

"So, I was calling to say I won't be able to do piano tonight. Hopefully I'll feel well enough for the next one."

"You really don't need to worry about that, right now, senpai. You're going through something really hard. Just do what you need to for yourself." He laughs softly, "Be selfish for once."

I sniffle and laugh at the same time, "I will…th-thank you."

"Will talking help you?"

"Maybe."

"How are you feeling?"

"I just…really hurt. I feel betrayed and…really lost. That's the short version."

"Is it…over for sure?"

I sniffle, "I…don't know…we are meeting tomorrow. Going to figure that out."

I hear the bell ring.

"You should go to class. Thank you."

"Are you…going to be okay?"

"You know what? I will. No matter what. If…it's over, it will be really rough for a while. But…I know I will be okay in the end."

"I…hope it doesn't go that way. But I will be here if it does…to help with the rough part."

"Thank you so much, Junichiro." I wipe my tears and pretend I'm scolding him. "Now, your senpai says get to class, so you better!"

He laughs, "I will. Bye, senpai."

…

I'm in the living room with my mom and my aunt. She came as soon as band was over today. She looks rough. Distressed is an understatement. My mom told her about the breakup, and apparently, she didn't take it well, especially when she learned what led to it. She's explaining herself now.

"Kayoko…she asked me not to tell you. Told me that she wanted to tell you in her own time. I assumed she had. I'm really sorry."

I sigh, "It's okay. This isn't your fault. It's hers."

She nods grimly, "She…really does only want to audition, you know."

I cross my arms, "It sounds like you're on her side."

"I'm…not on anyone's side. I'm just corroborating what she told you. The moment she got this opportunity, she said she wasn't interested because she plans on going to Tokyo with you." She frowns and looks at me guiltily. "I…I…convinced her it was worth doing for the experience alone. And…it took some serious convincing."

I uncross my arms and sigh, "Do you think she would get in?"

My aunt gets very uncomfortable and looks away from me. "I think you know the answer, Kayoko."

"I do. But you're more of an expert."

She sighs, "There's no way she doesn't get in. Her grades are excellent and she's one of the best horn players I've ever known…of any age."

"Yeah. That's what I thought. If you…removed all this stuff with me from the equation, would you tell her to go there instead of Tokyo?"

My aunt frowns and seems to be weighing her answer. After a moment she says, "I…would, yes. But…you're part of the equation. For her."

I sigh, "Well…maybe I should remove myself from it, if this is what's best for her career."

A few tears run down her face. "Kayoko…you know your uncle and I broke up when he went to university overseas, right?"

I nod.

"Well…if you two did break up, maybe it wouldn't be over. It wasn't with us. I'm not saying you should, that's your decision. But I just want you to keep that in mind."

"Did you two…try long distance or anything?"

She shakes her head. "We broke up completely. Stayed in touch here and there…but we even dated other people. We started talking a month before he came back and realized we still loved each other and wanted to be together." She smiles. "So…we were."

I nod. "Okay. That is…good to know, I guess. Thank you for coming over and talking about this. I have a lot to think about." When I stand up, my aunt does too and she gives me a hug.

"I'm really sorry about this, sweetie. And the role I played. I hope you can forgive me."

"I can. I have. You were being a good mentor to her, and you weren't actively hiding it, so it's fine."

She breaks the hug and nods. "Okay. Well…let me know if you need me."

After my aunt leaves, I go back to my room and go to sleep. I'm going to need a lot of rest to confront things tomorrow.

---

I'm at Yamaku right now, riding the elevator in the girls' dorm.

I texted Akari this morning and set up our meeting for the afternoon. I have lots of questions for her that I need answers to before I can even consider getting back together. One way or another, we're putting an end to this today. I don't know how it's going to go.

We are using Ai's room, since it is neutral ground. When I get off the elevator, Ai is waiting to get on. She looks like a wreck. Almost like she's the one whose relationship is teetering on a precipice. Her two best friends are going through it. That's probably close enough. I think she's been Akari's main support these last few days.

She smiles weakly at me, and I give her a hug. She hugs me back. "She's already in there. Wh-whatever happens, I'm still your friend too, okay?"

Oh, she feels guilty on top of everything too. No wonder she looks awful.

I smile at her, "Of course, Ai. I get that you and Carsten are her main support here…she doesn't have family here to help like I do. So, it's all okay. I don't think you betrayed me…and if you have to help her more than me after this…I understand. She…she will need help, if it goes that way. I'm glad she has you. And of course, we'll still be friends no matter what."

She tears up and nods. "Well…g-good luck. The door's unlocked." I nod and head towards her room, while Ai gets on the elevator.

When I get to her room I take a deep breath, knock on the door and then turn the knob.

When I go in, I see Akari sitting in a folding chair. There's another one set up across from her. These chairs aren't normally here. That means someone got them just for us. I suppose these dorm rooms don't have very good seating for this kind of meeting. We would either have to sit on the bed together or one of us at the desk and the other at the bed. Two chairs across from each other is definitely the best option.

She looks exhausted and weary. But also like she made sure she looked good for this. And she definitely does. She's wearing the outfit she wore on our first date and the necklace and headband that I got her. Just with her appearance she is begging me to get back with her. It certainly doesn't hurt her case. I kind of wish I had dolled myself up more.

Her face is conflicted when she sees me. Like she wants to get up and welcome me but knows she shouldn't. I know how she feels, because my first instinct is to hug her and kiss her because I can see she is having a very hard time.

If this doesn't work…I think I would want to be with her one last time. Break up sex is a thing, I guess. I never really understood it before, but…

Stop getting distracted! Maybe this isn't over.

She waves and indicates that I should sit across from her. So I do.

"Th-thank you…for meeting in person."

I nod, "I think we owe it to each other. First, before everything, I want to say…I should never have yelled at you, how I did…the day it happened. No matter what. I am very sorry for that."

She grimaces, "It's okay. We're only here because I messed up. N-not because you yelled at me."

"Well…if I hadn't lost it, we probably would have had this conversation that night."

"That's …t-true. But I hid something big…it's my fault."

I laugh wryly, "Okay, it doesn't really matter whose fault it is…we just need to have this conversation."

She smiles softly at me. Then she takes a deep breath and says, "S-so…I want to be together. I guess my question is…wh-what's keeping you from still wanting that?"

"Well…you really hurt me, by hiding this. How long did you hide it, anyway?"

She looks down and frowns, "Since…March."

That's even worse than I thought.

I cross my arms and feel my jaw clench, "Yeah. That really hurts, Akari."

"I know."

"You were with me every day for the last four months and you didn't tell me?"

"N-no…I didn't. I'm so sorry. I tried to…several times. I even got really close a couple weeks ago…b-but I never went through with it."

"And what's your reason for not telling me again?"

She fidgets with her necklace, "B-because I was worried it would upset you. I know, it's dumb. I just…I thought, because of Hideki, you would really worry I was going to leave."

"You're right, I would have been taken aback by the news. It would have upset me, at least at first. But…don't you think hiding that you were going would upset me even more? And make it seem even more likely that you're planning on leaving?"

She frowns, "I do now. I was…really anxious about t-telling you. You know s-sometimes my brain just wants me to avoid things I'm anxious about. Th-that's what I did."

"I understand that your anxiety made it harder…but it doesn't excuse this."

'I know. I'm n-not trying to make an excuse. Or say what I did wasn't wrong. It was. I'm just explaining how I could possibly end up d-doing something so…s-so…stupid. I know I really m-messed up. Depending on...today…it…it m-may end up being the biggest mistake I make in m-my life…" She starts to get choked up but pauses and pulls herself together.

"My point is…there's n-nothing I can say to erase it or make what I did seem justified. B-because it isn't. All I can do is ask you to forgive me."

I laugh wryly, "That's for sure."

She frowns and looks at the ground, "S-so…it's…unforgivable, then?"

"I don't know. If it was just that you hid something…maybe it would be different. But there's something else that all of this has made me think about."

"There is?"

I nod, "Yeah. The stuff I said on the phone. I don't want you to decide not to go to Juilliard because of me."

"B-but, Kayoko, that's not-"

I interrupt with a question that has been nagging at me, "If you really never intended on going, why did you talk to Hideki about it? That sounds like some pretty serious research for just an audition."

"I d-didn't."

"You didn't what?"

"I never talked to him. I d-don't know how he knew. I've thought about that the last few days. I th-think a professor at Juilliard must have told him. Or maybe your aunt. No one else knew apart from my parents…not even Ai. So…those are the only ways he could have f-found out."

"Okay…that makes sense, I guess. Well… answer me this: if…you never met me and you got in. Would you go to Juilliard?"

She thinks for a moment.

"I think there would probably be a better chance that I w-would stay here if I hadn't met you."

"...what the hell does that mean?!"

She takes my hand, I let her have it tentatively, uncertain where this is going.

"I think I would be in much worse shape mentally, if I hadn't met you. Y-you…helped…save me, Kayoko. Without you…I think I would have left Yamaku after that first month. S-so…I don't think I could even imagine going to university…much less one abroad…if…we hadn't met."

"That's…the truth?"

She squeezes my hand. "Yes, Kayoko."

"Does the University of Tokyo have as good of a program for you as Juilliard?"

She sighs, "M-maybe not quite as good, but close."

"Well, then…I don't think you should rule out going because of me."

With a determined look she gazes deep into my eyes and squeezes my hand "Th-there'sone thing you just aren't understanding. That I need you to understand. So, listen closely, please."

I nod, unable to say no to her when she's looking at me with so much determination.

"I decided I'm not going to Juilliard. You aren't making me do this. This is the choice I am making. I want to m-make the choice that means I'm going to be with you." Tears begin to drop down her face. "I love you more than anything. More than the French horn. M-more than my professional dreams. I'm not g-giving anything up by being with you, Kayoko, okay? I'm gaining…everything." She reaches out and puts a hand on my cheek and gazes into my eyes. "You're everything to me, understand?"

I put my hand on hers as tears start to fall down my face.

"You're…everything to me too…"

She smiles, "Does that mean…?"

I nod, "Yes…I want to be together, too. I'm happy you want to stay here with me. It's what I want more than anything...I just wanted to be sure you did too….y-you're sure about this?"

Akari nods, gets up out of her chair and gently gets in my lap. She gives me a long kiss and I put my arms around her. Our tears are flowing, and I can feel and taste the salty moisture on our lips. She breaks the kiss and says, "I've never been m-more sure of anything."

---

I just woke up in Akari's bed in a very good mood. We reconciled last night. After our kiss we held each other and cried for about an hour like the crybabies we are. After that we came down to Akari's room, where we made love, and it was the best it's ever been. I don't know if it's because we both thought it might not ever happen again or what, but it was amazing, mind melting sex for both of us. That's for sure.

Maybe we should get in relationship-threatening crises more often?

Just kidding.

I sit up in bed and then feel a hand on my bare back. Akari sleepily says, "Wh-where are you going?"

I laugh, "Well…it's a school day, I was going to get ready."

"Okay, b-but lay down with me for a minute."

I laugh, "Is us laying naked together a good idea when we have to be to class soon?"

She giggles, "I'll behave if you will."

I lay down with her and give her a kiss. She puts her arms around me.

"Will you come with me?"

"Duh, we're in the same class."

She scoffs, "No. To New York, for m-my audition."

I have a brief surge of panic that I manage to swallow back down.

I trust her, she's not going to go to Juilliard. She's just doing an audition. If I asked her not to go at all, she probably wouldn't, but I don't need to go that far. It wouldn't be fair of me. This will be a good experience for her. The fact she wants me to go with her shows that she's telling the truth about all that.

She notices my hesitation, "I…understand if not…after what I d-did."

"I'll go."

She sits up and smiles, "Really?"

"Yeah. I want to support you."

She breathes a sigh of relief, "My parents have had plane tickets and a hotel reserved for the four of us for a while. They wanted you to come all along."

I laugh in response.

She raises an eyebrow, "That's…funny?"

"Well…not that, exactly. But you made me think of your mom, she was pretty pissed at you about this, wasn't she?"

Akari groans and puts her hands over her eyes. "Yes. Maybe the angriest she's ever been at me. I…lied to them and told them I told you about it all a long time ago. That d-didn't help."

I chuckle.

"Why is that s-so funny?"

I giggle, "I dunno. When I was really hurting…and your mom called me and I told her what happened, it made me feel a tiny bit better to think she was furious with you."

Akari lays on her side and props up her head with her elbow on the bed. "Yeah well, she was. I was already going to do everything I could to get you back…b-but she gave me…a very hard push, let's put it that way." Shei smiles at me. "You really don't need to worry a-about whether she likes you."

I giggle, "Oh yeah? What did she say exactly?"

"Just that…I really messed up something great, and I better do everything I could to try and fix it."

I get choked up a little. "G-great?"

She laughs, "Yep. That's w-what she said." She sighs and looks at me with sad eyes, "I really am so sorry I hurt y-you, Kayoko."

I smile at her and stroke her hair. "I know you are. And I forgive you. So, you don't have to apologize any more. Just…remember you can tell me anything, okay? Even if you think I might get upset." I look at the framed medieval song on her wall. "We're supposed to endure everything together, remember? I know…sometimes your anxiety makes it hard, but just biting the bullet and telling me is less nerve-wracking than dealing with all this again, isn't it?"

She puts her arms around me, "Yes. Definitely. I promise I will. Lesson l-learned."

Having this cathartic conversation and feeling her naked body against mine has me wanting to misbehave.

I smile at her and then start kissing her collarbone. In between kisses, I say, "So…how much time until class, exactly?"

Akari moans softly and says, "20 minutes maybe."

"We already missed a couple days, what difference is missing morning classes going to make?"

…

Akari and I are holding hands and heading for our usual lunch spot. We are both in a very good mood. After our night of making love and snuggling, we spent the morning doing more of the same. It was like making up for lost time. But we decided we should probably get ourselves out of bed for lunch and afternoon classes. Especially after all the time we missed.

When we find our friends, the four of them are overjoyed to see us together. Ai speeds up to us with a big smile on her face. Carsten, Junichiro, and Chisa aren't too far behind her.

When she reaches us, she looks up into the heavens and exclaims, "Thank God! Everything is right with the world again!"

Then she slaps each of us on the arm, "Thanks for the update, jerks. I suppose I know… why you didn't update me, but still."

She can't outright say she thinks we were doing it with Junichiro around. I am proud of her restraint. We've all done really well with that since he became part of our little group.

"You're right, we should have updated you. Especially after using your room to talk. Sorry."

She waves her hand at us, "I thought I was gonna be pissed, but seeing you two together again has me not caring so much. Both of you come down here and hug me."

We laugh and do what she says. While we're hugging her, she whispers, "Don't you ever do that again! Or I'll kick both your asses. Well…maybe not kick, but you know what I mean!"

After Ai says her piece, Carsten comes and hugs both of us with a smile on his face. "I'm glad my two best friends are together again. That…was really tough. For you guys…and all of us. I'm sure Ai already threatened you, so I'll leave it at that."

Then, Junichiro comes and hugs me, and then Akari. She looks a little surprised by it. But then she smiles. He says, "I'm really glad you two are back together. It…really didn't seem right when you weren't."

"Th-thanks, Junichiro."

"Sorry for canceling the piano lesson yesterday…we'll pick back up tomorrow."

He scoffs, "Stop saying sorry."

Chisa is now standing awkwardly before us. She looks very uncertain about what she should do. This is partly a result of being our newest friend, but how I treated her the other day probably plays a role too. I filled Akari in on all of that.

Akari walks up to her and hugs her and says, "Thank you for checking on Kayoko."

After a few moments, I join the hug and thank her for the same thing. We break the group hug, and she smiles at each of us before taking a seat. Hopefully this can repair some of the damage I did the other night.

After that, we sit down and have lunch just like it's any other day, and that's exactly what I think we both needed. Life is back to normal.

[guthrum06]

Akari is holding a dusty old box and examining it. "Do you want to keep this…children's chemistry s-set?"

"Yes."

She looks at me incredulously. "Really? You n-need it?"

My mom pats Akari on the back. "That was the first science gift her father got her that she actually played with. They had lots of fun times together with it. I think it's special. Right, Kayoko?"

"Yep. You got it. So…storage pile, I guess."

My grandparents are moving in with my mom over summer vacation. My room will become their room. I'm a tiny bit sad about that, but I'm about to move away for university anyway.

My mom, Akari and I are sorting through my things to figure out what gets donated, thrown out, or put into storage.

Akari puts the box in the proper pile and then looks at me. "W-wait…you didn't always like science? I imagined your dad reading you science books as your bedtime story."

My mom giggles, "Nope. Her dad was actually quite concerned he would never get her interested. Try as he might."

"Yeah…I was actually way more interested in music until I was…9 or so. My aunt brainwashed me."

My mom giggles, "You make it sound so…evil. She just played Saki's music for you all the time. You really did love it."

I smile, "Still do."

Akari sits down on the bed next to me. "S-so…what made you like science all of a sudden? This chemistry set?"

I smile, "Well…not exactly. There was a week when mom was out of town and my dad was doing science club three days that week. So, after my school got out those days, I went with my dad to science club at Yamaku. Seeing all these cool teenagers get really interested in what my dad had to say made me reconsider. They were doing a chemistry experiment where they got all kinds of cool reactions, glowing liquid and stuff. He got me that kit so we could do some of it at home."

Akari raises her eyebrow and sneers at me, "Wait, wait, wait…You th-thought science seemed…cool?"

I giggle, "I guess that's sort of what I said, isn't it?"

My mom smiles, "Your father was overjoyed when he finally converted you. When he told me on the phone that you finally seemed interested in science, I thought he was probably getting his hopes up. I didn't have the heart to tell him."

I laugh, "Nope! Science got me. Course…music still has me too. Hence my current uncertainty."

My mom scoffs, "You poor thing. You're really good at two things. Whatever will you do?"

Akari giggles, "It is t-true though…I can't imagine a Kayoko who doesn't love science and music so much. She can still love both, b-but…I can imagine that choosing one for a career is really hard."

My mom sighs, "I know. I just remember being completely lost when I was your age. Older even. Didn't have the first idea of what to do with my life. And Kayoko is here trying to choose between two things she loves and excels at. I'm jealous for the sake of 19-year-old me."

I laugh, "Aw, with her cute little twin tails?"

My mom crosses her arms and scowls at me, "Why are you being mean to past me?"

I laugh, "I dunno. I have a hard time picturing you at that age. So, I joke."

"What's hard? I barely look over 19 now."

Akari laughs and my mom glares at her playfully.

"It…isn't your appearance. But who you were. That version of you is…hard to imagine. You were so different."

"I should hope so. It's been 40 years. But…I know what you mean. I changed a whole heck of a lot since high school."

"Y-you did?"

My mom looks at me as if to say, 'you haven't told her?' I shake my head in response.

I've never told Akari the details of what happened with her dad and how she struggled to open up to people for so long. My mom doesn't share that with everyone. So, I wanted to leave that for my mom to tell her about some day.

"Well…it's a bit of a story. Let's finish sorting through this stuff, eat some dinner, and then I'll tell you."

We spend another couple hours working on my bedroom, which by the end, isn't really my bedroom anymore. It makes me a little sad and nostalgic, but my grandparents need the space, and I really don't.

Once that's done, we enjoy some take out, and once we're done eating my mom says,

"Okay, Akari…I'll tell you…who I was and why, before meeting Kayoko's dad. I don't tell this to many people. It's…an intimate thing for me."

Akari nods with a serious expression, "I am glad…you w-want to tell me."

"Of course, dear. I love you. Even after your recent lapse in judgment."

Akari winces. My mom is mostly acting like our brief break up never happened. But every now and then she sneaks in a comment like that. Hopefully they will decrease with time.

My mom's face transforms from its usual playful configuration to one of seriousness and sorrow. This still isn't easy for her to talk about. I lost my father too, of course, and it's hard for me to talk about. But it just wasn't the same kind of trauma.

"…when I was 11…I was in a car wreck. That's how…I lost my legs. But…" She takes a deep, ragged breath. "...worse than that, my father died".

"I…I knew you lost him, but I didn't know how."

My mom nods. "It…was very hard. I focused all my energy on learning to walk again. And then on running." She smiles. "My father loved to run. But…I never really stopped to process my grief…or my feelings. I just tried to ignore it. I started to have…a recurring nightmare, where I relive the crash. Where I relive…losing him."

She looks at me and then at my mom, "Th-that's…why Kayoko helps you sometimes?"

My mom nods, "Yes…I still have the nightmare. And Kayoko helps. Her father did before." My mom takes another deep breath. "The person I became…to cope with all of that, was someone who didn't let anyone close. Losing my father was…s-so…hard…" She pauses a moment to wipe away a few tears. Akari gets up from the chair next to me and sits in the one next to my mom and holds her hand. My mom smiles at her. They really love each other.

Seeing the two of them like this is…one of the best things I've ever seen. I'd take a picture. If it wasn't also sad. And they wouldn't both kill me for taking a picture at such a personal moment.

My mom continues, "I…didn't want to lose anyone else. So, I didn't get close to anyone. Not my friends. Not my boyfriends. Not even my own family. I didn't want any help dealing with my grief either. That would let someone close. Which meant…it would hurt to lose them. If someone dared to try to help me, or learn about me, I pushed them away. So…until I was about 35, that's how I lived."

Akari says, "Y-you…didn't have any close friends? Or serious r-relationships that whole time?"

"No. I didn't. Just…surface level stuff. I had friends. People I liked being around. But we didn't talk about anything real. I had…boyfriends, but mostly all I wanted them around for was having fun. I dumped several guys who dared to notice I was upset about something and offered to help."

Akari nods, "B-but that changed when you m-met…Hisao?"

That's the first time I've ever heard her use my dad's first name. It's nice to hear. I guess that's what she would call him. Although maybe not, since he would also be her science teacher.

My mom smiles, "That's right. As you know, by then he had lost Saki. So, we were both…broken people when he came back to Yamaku. He had a lot of the same problems I did by that point." She smiles wider, "Eventually…we realized how similar we were, and we started to help each other…we let one another in and coped with our grief together. We put each other back together. And fell in love along the way."

Akari is tearing up, "You two have a b-beautiful story. I'm glad…you helped each other. And had such a great life together."

My mom smiles and pats Akari on the head. "Me too dear. So…that's what Kayoko means, when she says I was different. I was…closed off, unhappy, and a bit of a maneater. I'm not any of those today, I don't think." She winks playfully.

Akari giggles and hugs her, my mom smiles and hugs her back. After they break their hug, I realize I have a question I'm desperate to ask.

"Mom…how's your…current romance stuff going…anyway?"

She raises her eyebrows at me, "Romance…stuff?"

"I just mean…it's been a while since you noticed you thought my orthopedist was cute. Anything else like that going on?"

She sighs, "Nothing to report dear. I suppose I do notice men are attractive more often. That's all. Trust me, you'll be first to know if something actually…romantic happens. But…don't hold your breath."

"So…what men have you noticed are attractive, exactly?"

My mom looks at me with surprise. Akari tells me to drop it with her eyes. But I think it's fine.

"You really want to talk about this?"

"If you want to."

My mom smirks at me. "Well…there's a new colleague of mine in the medical building who is quite handsome. There was also…a cute doctor at the hospital when your grandmother was there who I caught checking me out…I might have given him a little smile when I did."

I smile, "Ah, so you flirt with these handsome men?"

She blushes just a bit. "Just a little…"

"That's good."

My mom shakes her head, "I hated the idea of my mom dating after my dad, and here you are encouraging me."

Akari laughs, "It is a l-little weird, maybe. But…she…we…just want you to be happy. Whether that's you being single or…with a boyfriend or whatever."

I nod, "It's like the pretty girl says." Akari gives me a pretty smile in response.

My mom smiles, "Thank you. I do think…it will happen someday." She laughs. "Of course, your father's parents moving in may complicate that."

"Whatever, they would definitely be happy if you find a man who makes you happy."

"You think?"

"Uh…yeah. They love you. I mean, maybe don't have loud sex with him while they are home, but-"

My mom puts her hand up and knits her eyebrows. I guess I crossed a line. It's enough to make me stop midsentence. In a stern voice I've only heard a handful of times, she says, "That's enough, Kayoko."

"Sorry…"

She exhales and her face relaxes. "It's okay…this talk helped me feel things out a little. I can flirt a little and maybe imagine going on a date…but…" Her voice cracks. "I…I don't want any other man in my bed. Even in a joke." She suddenly starts to cry.

I guess Akari was right. Dammit.

I get up and hug her head to my chest like she always does for me. It really soothes me. I hope I can do the same for her. She settles in, and it does seem to be helping.

We are like this for about a minute and then she stops crying and playfully says, "You're even bustier than I thought. I mean, seeing them is one thing, but having my head right against them? Wow. You're absolutely stacked." Akari giggles and I let out a frustrated sigh and release her from my hug.

My mom smirks up at me with a little shame in her eyes, "Sorry, sweetie. You know I joke to avoid getting too emotional sometimes."

---

It's the first day of summer vacation. Our last real vacation for the school year, since examination hell will be in full swing in the winter. We'll even be studying on Christmas.

We leave for New York in five days, and we are supposed to go to Tokyo tomorrow, but there's a problem. Akari woke up in a flare. Right now, we're in her bed and she's crying in my arms as a result of this news. As usual when she's in a flare, we are facing each other and hugging, and her head is on my shoulder. I'm just trying to comfort her, and I'm formulating a plan for what to say to her once she's calmed down.

I feel her tears finally starting to let up. Then she says, "Th-this sucks."

I stroke her hair, "I know it does. But we can delay going to Tokyo. Maybe you'll feel well enough to travel in a few days."

"M-maybe. This is my worst n-nightmare…having s-something stressful trigger a flare."

"I know, darling. I'll do what I can to help."

She pulls back from me and chuckles, "Darling?"

I laugh, "Yeah. We don't have pet-names for each other so I was trying one out. Not a fan?"

"No. It s-sounds like we are grandparents. We aren't there yet. Save that for 50 years from now. No, 60."

I laugh, "Okay then. Well, at least it made you smile."

She laughs, "I do like the idea of having l-love names though. We've been together over a year, s-seems like we should have some."

"Okay. Well, if we keep that in mind, I'm sure we will come up with some."

She nods and then frowns, indicating my silly distraction is no longer working. "If we end up not being able to g-go…"

"For now…let's try not to think of the next few days and live in the present. What do you want to do right now?"

She sighs, "I d-dunno. I can't do much."

"I know. How about this, I'll go get you some melon bread, and then we can watch Bloom into You, read some manga. All kinds of cozy things in bed. And you can fall asleep whenever you want."

She smiles and nods, "Okay. That should be good. I'll need some of that p-prescription-strength Kayoko."

---

It's two days until we are scheduled to head to New York and we're still at Yamaku. Akari hasn't felt well enough to travel. Her flare does seem to be letting up, but they aren't always linear. Still, we are trying to find a way to get to Tokyo.

She sighs, "I can't do bus or t-train, too much pain, exhaustion and stress."

"Do you think…being in a car would be any better?"

"Y-yeah…I could lie down in the back and not move the whole time, b-but…I still may not be up for flying in two days."

"I know…but you might feel well enough. And if we are already there, we could have the option of going. And if you don't feel well enough, we can just hang out at your parents'."

"Yeah…I guess. B-but my parents can't come get us. I mean…th-they could but they have a lot of end of trimester stuff."

I sigh, "My mom and aunt can't really do it either since my grandparents are moving in a couple days. They probably could too, but they shouldn't."

"Then we're out of l-luck."

"There are other people in Tokyo who might be able to help."

"N-none of our friends have cars…Carsten's parents don't have one either."

"Yeah…so I guess we're down to one. And I'm not sure she has a car."

"Who?"

"Shizuka."

Akari raises an eyebrow, "A-are you sure you want to be in a car with her that long? I m-mean…I like her, and I know you text, b-but…we still don't really know her."

"I know. Maybe it's silly but…I trust her. The worst-case scenario is that it's awkward. She's not going to abduct us or anything."

Akari nods. "Okay. If you trust her…I can too. Let's see if sh-she can do it."

…

I am on the phone with Shizuka, and I just explained everything we have going on and asked her if she might be able to help.

"I know this is…weird, asking such a big favor out of the blue. So, no hard feelings if you can't."

"I don't have a car, otherwise…I- …Oh, hold on a second, can I call you back?"

"Uh…sure."

When we end the call Akari frowns and says, "D-does not sound promising. M-maybe I should just…n-not do this trip, or this audition. And stay here. Seems easiest."

I kiss the top of her head. "If you don't feel well enough on the day of the flight, we won't. Or at least reschedule. But right now, I think your anxiety is doing the talking."

She thinks for a moment and then says, "Y-Yeah, I guess it is." She smiles at me, "You could tell?"

I smile back proudly, "Well…you have mentioned that it makes you want to avoid things, and that's what you were suggesting."

Akari looks at me lovingly just as my phone vibrates in my hand. I answer the call, and Shizuka cheerfully says, "Okay. I have a car. I'll pick you two up around 10 tomorrow morning, sound good?"

"Yes. Thank you, Shizuka. I know this is like…a 9 hour round trip for you, so thanks a lot for being willing to do it."

"Of course. See you two tomorrow, I hope Akari feels better."

Akari and I are waiting for Shizuka at the Yamaku gate. Akari does feel a little better today, at least in terms of pain. She's leaning against me though. Standing for even this long is exhausting for her. I wish I could do more to physically support her at times like these.

A bright red sports car is heading our way. Not the kind of car you see very often in this sleepy town.

To my surprise, the car pulls up and Shizuka gets out. After greeting us she notices our surprised faces and laughs. "Some car, huh? Would not have been my choice. It's my older brother's. He's having a bit of a mid-life crisis. He lent it to me."

We laugh and then her eyes linger on our luggage. Two black roller suitcases. We each rolled one down here, but there's no way either of us can lift them.

She looks uncertain. I'm sure she's going through the usual thought process. 'Do they need help? Is it rude to offer to help them if it turns out they don't?' I'll make it easy for her.

"Shizuka…can you please put these in the trunk? It's risky for me, and Akari can't right now without pain."

She smiles and says, "O-of course."

While she does that, I open the back door and help Akari in. "Do you want me back there with you, or do you need to spread out?"

"B-back here, please. Lap p-pillow time."

I smile at Akari and get in with her while Shizuka giggles. I guess she heard that. I feel a little embarrassed. I sit on the passenger side. Akari puts her head on my lap, and I stroke her hair. Seeing her so exhausted and cute makes the embarrassment evaporate.

Shizuka gets in and smiles at us in the rear-view mirror. We hit the road and Akari very quickly falls asleep, which I'm thankful for. Shizuka looks back at us every few minutes. I feel kind of bad, because I'm sure she wanted to use this drive to talk to me. I'd like to talk to her too, but I don't plan on doing anything that might wake up Akari. Shizuka seems to understand this, even if I see a hint of disappointment on her face every now and then.

We stop to get some gas about halfway through the drive and Akari stirs.

Without opening her eyes, she says, "Hnnnrmm…A-are we there?"

"No. Halfway, my dear. Shizuka is pumping gas. Go back to sleep."

She opens an eye to look at me. "My dear?"

I smile down at her, "That's a 'no' too, then, huh?"

She closes her eye. "Yep. H-how has it been?"

"Good. We've just been quiet to let you sleep."

She frowns, "Sh-she is doing this for us, y-you should talk."

"Well, yeah but-"

"Lap pillow is nice, b-but I will sleep either way."

I scoff, "Here I thought I had some special Akari-soothing qualities."

She laughs, "You do. B-but you're moving up front and talking with her the rest of the way."

"Okay, bossy. Not even asking if I want to."

She gives me her bedroom eyes. Even though she's exhausted and has a painful rash on her face, they have their usual effect. "I th-thought you like it when I tell you wh-what to do?"

I feel my face flush, "In…s-s-some very specific situations, yes." I sigh. "I will move up front. But I'm doing it because I want to. Not because you told me too."

"Sure y-you are." Akari sits up to let me out and I open the door and get out.

Shizuka has just put the gas cap back on. "Oh, hey. Need to use the restroom?"

"Nope, I was going to move up front though."

"Oh? Doesn't Akari need you?"

I laugh, "Maybe a little. But…she wanted to let us talk the rest of the way."

Shizuka smiles, "I don't know her very well…but I think I like her."

I giggle, "Yeah, she's alright I guess."

Shizuka smiles, "Whatever, I see how you look at her. You think she's a lot more than alright."

Is it really that obvious from how I look at her?

Shizuka notices my hesitation and looks worried. She scratches her head.

"Um…should we go?"

I nod and get in on the passenger side in the front. I look in the backseat and it looks like Akari is already asleep again. She might just be faking, but she does fall asleep easily when her fatigue is this bad.

After a couple of minutes Shizuka says, "I'm…sorry I teased you back there. I guess we probably don't know each other well enough for teasing."

"Oh, it's fine. I wasn't offended. Tease away. I was just wondering how I look at her."

Shizuka laughs, "You just look…really bright and happy. Content in all things. At peace, maybe?"

I laugh, "That must be some look."

"It is. She looks at you the same way. It's…very sweet. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy."

"Well, thank you. I feel very lucky to have found her when we're so young."

Shizuka smiles, "How long have you been together?"

"A little over a year now. We were friends for about a year before that."

"That's nice. Is she your first girlfriend?"

"She is. And I'm hers. We each had a boyfriend first, though."

"Oh, so you're not…?" She trails off with her mouth hanging open, clearly unsure of what word to use.

I laugh, "Gay? No. Well, I'm not. Akari is. But I don't really care if someone calls me a lesbian or whatever. It's…not that important to me."

"That makes sense. I guess it doesn't really matter who else you could be attracted to if you feel like you found the one."

I smile, "Exactly."

A few more minutes pass in silence and then Shizuka asks, "Out of curiosity, how did…your mom feel about me doing this?"

"She was a little bit weary, but I told her I trust you. That was enough for her."

"I…see. I'm glad you trust me."

"Of course. By the way, why haven't you called her? I think if you did, she'd trust you too."

She sighs, "I dunno. I've been trying to work myself up to it. But it's a little nerve-wracking. She's your mom and all, and that makes us…connected in a way, but telling a stranger about my problems is hard."

I nod, "Makes sense. How has…your fear of loss? Any better?"

She smiles, "It is a little better. Not gone, but…having you in my life has definitely helped."

I smile at her, "Good."

"…what made you want to meet me, anyway?"

I laugh, "That tiny girl in the back seat."

Shizuka giggles, "Really?"

"Yeah, kind of. And my mom. My mom brought it up after my 18th birthday. We were already in Tokyo, and they both encouraged me to see what information the orphanage had. I wasn't sure I wanted to, at first. Sorry."

"I understand. I was some stranger. It would be kind of scary."

"Yep. But Akari really thought I needed to give it a shot and kept on me about it every step of the way, even when I had doubts."

Shizuka smiles, "I like her even more now."

"Yeah, sometime you'll get a chance to talk with her too."

"I hope so. By the way, thank you for…thinking of me to help you with this."

I laugh, "You're thanking me for asking you to do a big favor for us that involves 9 hours of driving in a single day?"

Shizuka laughs, "I suppose that sounds silly but…yeah. The fact you thought of me as someone who could help you…well, it means a lot to me."

"I suppose that makes sense. You're welcome. Thanks for being willing to do it."

"Of course. Don't hesitate to ask for my help in the future too, okay?"

"I won't. We're friends. Friends ask each other for help."

She frowns, "Friends, huh?"

Shit. I didn't really think about how that might make her feel. But I'm not going to lie to her. I don't see her as my mother. But I can do a little better than 'friend'.

"Yeah…or maybe a big sister."

Her frown rebounds a little but isn't gone entirely, "Well…that's nice."

"Did I hurt your feelings?"

She sighs, "Not really. I didn't think you saw me as your mom, and I wouldn't expect you to. But…I… do see you as my daughter. My daughter that I didn't raise and only recently met…but still…my daughter. I…hope that's okay."

"I can't tell you how to see me. But…it makes sense that we see it a little differently, I think."

"It does?"

"Sure. You knew I existed this whole time. You remembered me. Thought about me a lot. That's not true on my end. Also…you didn't have someone else filling the role your whole life. I have my mom."

Shizuka nods, "That does make sense. Look, I'm happy you see me as anything more than a stranger. I shouldn't have been disappointed a minute ago."

"It's okay to be disappointed, don't worry about it."

She laughs, "Sometimes you seem like the big sister. Not sure how I feel about that."

After that, we spent the rest of the drive on less serious subjects. We talk about our trip, how I'm feeling about my career options, and what her brother does for a living (he's a construction foreman).

We just pulled up to Akari's house and I wake her up and help her out of the car.

Shizuka is carrying our luggage for us and I'm holding the door open. Mr. Yoshida greets us in the entry way and takes the luggage from her.

When he does, she awkwardly stammers, "Um…hi, I'm…um…Kayoko's…uh…Shizuka."

"Thank you, Shizuka. You were a big help."

I'm glad it's Mr. Yoshida instead of his wife. He isn't exactly warm but compared to her he's a furnace.

"You're welcome. Any time."

I give Shizuka a hug and thank her.

Akari says, "I w-would hug you too, but…p-pain." She takes Shizuka's hand in hers and puts her other hand on top. "Thank you."

"I hope you two have a nice trip." The three of us stand silently for a moment. Then Shizuka says, "Umm…I-I'm gonna go. See you both." She turns towards Akari's dad. "It was nice meeting you, sir." He nods in response.

After she leaves, Akari goes to lie down in her room. After I get her settled, I leave the room to talk to Mr. Yoshida. I find him reading in the living room.

He looks up and smiles at me, "Hello, Kayoko. How is she doing?"

I sit down with him. "She's okay, all things considered."

He nods, "Do you think we'll be able to leave tomorrow?"

"Hard to say. She is improving, I think it's possible. She isn't going to be 100% though, that's for sure."

"Yes, that's too bad."

"Do we…have a backup plan? I was just wondering…if she can't travel tomorrow, does that mean no trip? I just know…she really wants to make it to this audition, and it's still a few days away."

He smiles warmly at me, "You are some girlfriend."

"I'm…what?"

He laughs, "I just know that this audition, and especially Akari hiding it from you, was a real challenge for your relationship just weeks ago. And here you are doing what you can to make sure she gets there."

"Well…it's important to her. And…I know that her lupus keeping her from doing things is a big fear of hers. Since…it did that to her for so long. I want to do what I can to have her in good headspace. Especially with examination hell around the corner."

He smiles, "Like I said, some girlfriend."

I laugh, "Thank you, but is there an answer to the question?"

He laughs, "Oh, yes. Sorry. We should be able to move our flight and get her there for the audition. The trip would be shorter, unfortunately, since we still need to be back around the same time."

I exhale, "Okay. That makes me feel a lot better about things."

"Glad to hear it."

Just as I'm about to go back to Akari's room to check on her, Mrs. Yoshida comes in the front door. Mr. Yoshida and I greet her. When she sees me, she smiles wider than I think she ever has at me, and she walks right up to me and hugs me, leaving me so stunned it takes me a second to hug her back.

"I'm glad you're here despite Akari's stupid mistake."

I laugh, "It wasn't good, but water under the bridge, right?"

She breaks the hug and smiles, "Right."

"By the way, thank you both for inviting me…and paying for me to go on this trip. I don't think I have said that."

"Of course. I know Akari will be much happier, and calmer, with you there."

So pragmatic. Would be nice to hear her say SHE is looking forward to me being there, but that's asking a lot of her.

After that I update Mrs. Yoshida on Akari's condition and the three of us talk about the logistics of changing flights.

---

It's the next morning. Akari's parents and I are anxiously waiting for her to wake up, so we can get an idea of how she is feeling. The flight isn't until the evening, so we have some time, and we don't need to wake her up or anything.

…

She gets up around 10:30 and certainly looks less stiff than she has in several days. It is an encouraging sight. Before anyone else can, Mrs. Yoshida asks, "How are you feeling?"

Akari frowns, "My p-pain is really manageable…b-but I'm just so exhausted. I don't think I can sit on a plane that long. But…I think if w-we move the flight to tomorrow, I should be able to do it."

Akari's parents get close and quietly whisper to one another. Then Mrs. Yoshida says, "What if you didn't have to sit?"

Akari looks confused. "What do you m-mean?"

"What if you could lie down on the flight?"

Akari looks flabbergasted. "How am I s-supposed to do that?"

"Well…we could get you a seat in first class. Those seats can go completely horizontal. You could lie down the whole way."

Akari shakes her head, "B-but…first class…international flight…that has to be…too expensive."

Mrs. Yoshida is losing her patience, "Just answer the question, Akari! Would that help you?"

She winces at her mom's sudden intensity, "I-it would…"

Mrs. Yoshida nods to her husband who gets his phone out and goes into his office. I get Akari some juice and Melon bread while we wait.

After a few minutes, Mr. Yoshida comes into the dining room and says, "Okay, it's done. We have two first class seats on the flight tonight."

Akari says, "Two?"

"Yes, one for you, one for Kayoko."

"Wait…what?! No, I…can't…one of you should have it. I'm good in a regular seat."

Mr. Yoshida says, "I'm sure Akari wants you with her, and with your condition I imagine this is probably better for you anyway."

"But-"

Mrs. Yoshida snaps, "What is with you two? This isn't a discussion. You're both sitting in first class. That's that."

I almost laugh at her using her scary voice to intimidate us into doing something so luxurious. Luckily, I manage to hold it in.

[Mirage_GSM]

Well, that escalated quickly - and just when I was wondering what you would fill year three with...
And then, thankfully, it de-escalated just as quickly.

That said, I personally can't imagine travelling to another continent just to take a test that I don't even need to take, just "for the experience"

[guthrum06]

We're in New York City! I enjoyed our flight here. First class is no joke. People waiting on you, good food, and a seat that is basically a bed. It's going to be hard to fly any other way now. Especially because it was my first time flying.

Akari didn't get to enjoy the amenities as much as I did, apart from the comfort. She slept for almost the entire flight.

We are checking into our hotel now. My English isn't quite good enough to get around seamlessly, but it's kind of passable. I've understood a little more than half of what I've heard. Plus, Akari's parents are entirely fluent so if we're around them it doesn't really matter. Seeing them speak and people understand them immediately is very impressive, as is how quickly they can respond. I guess that's what being fluent is.

When Mr. Yoshida hands the clerk his ID, the clerk asks, "Ah yes, the Yoshida [something], would you like [something]?"

Mr. Yoshida smiles, "Yes, that would be great."

"Okay here are your [something], you can find your [something] on the fifth floor. The [something] are over there."

This is getting frustrating.

Akari smiles at me and squeezes my hand. "D-Did you hear that?"

I frown, "Not all of it. Was it good?"

She smiles, "I'll let you b-be surprised."

We get in the elevator and go up to the fifteenth floor. We get off and follow Mr. Yoshida. He gets to a door and pulls out a key card and unlocks it. I'm ready to follow him in, but he smiles at me when I try to.

He holds a key card out to me. "Here, Kayoko, this is the key for the other room."

I take it and say, "Th-the other…huh?"

Akari giggles, "He said 'other room'! He is speaking Japanese now, s-silly."

"B-but…"

Mrs. Yoshida clicks her tongue and looks annoyed, "What's the problem Kayoko?"

"I just…that seems like a lot of money…and I thought…"

"You thought all four of us would share a room?"

I blush, "I guess…I didn't think about it. Um…thank you, both. It…means a lot you're okay with us sharing a room here."

Mrs. Yoshida crosses her arms and sighs in frustration, "I let you sleep together at our house, of course we would let you do it here. Stop being silly and get to your room. It's next door. Akari needs to go lie down."

I nod, embarrassed. "Okay."

As we walk away Akari giggles at me. "Maybe making it a s-surprise was a bad idea."

I groan, "I'm so dumb. I never imagined we'd have two rooms…or that we'd sleep together. But…this kind of travel is very new to me."

I unlock our door and we go inside. Akari climbs into the bed and asks. "New, how?"

"Well…I have never left Japan until now. And I've never stayed in a western style hotel. And it was the first time I flew. And any time I traveled with my parents we were very frugal so…" I walk up to the window in the room and see the New York City skyline. "...I've never stayed somewhere like this."

Akari giggles, "I haven't done it a whole lot either…we went to Europe to celebrate my remission…but I w-was too anxious to really enjoy it." She sighs. "Made m-my mom frustrated."

I turn around and frown, "And now you're too sick to really enjoy this."

She smiles, "I'm enjoying it. You're here. Y-you…sweeten my bitterness, remember? Plus, you're really n-nice to look at."

I smile at her and get into bed with her. She says, "I'm p-probably going to sleep most of the rest of the day."

I nod, "Sounds good to me."

"N-no, that's not what you're doing."

I raise an eyebrow at her, "Telling me what to do, huh?"

She giggles, "Yep. You can nap with me for a bit. B-but…then go do stuff with my parents. I'm sure they want to go to dinner and stuff."

"A-are you sure…I'm invited? Maybe they want a romantic night out without their daughter's girlfriend."

Akari laughs, "My mom told me she w-wanted you to spend time with them."

Seriously?

I nod, "Okay. Who would have thought after that fight in the medical building our first year…your mom would one day want to spend time with me."

Akari giggles, "I know that w-was scary in the moment…but I think it made her realize how much you care about me. Sh-she didn't really get it until then…thought you pitied me and all that."

I kiss the top of Akari's head. "I remember. Well…I'm glad some good came of that argument. Okay…get some rest, Akarin."

Akari snorts and sleepily says, "Nope, d-don't like that one either."

…

I'm leaving our hotel room after a little nap. Akari looks all cute asleep in bed. It's hard to leave her, but she wants me to do this. And apparently, so do her parents. I'm not sure what they have planned, but I made sure to dress up a bit and get my hair in order. I'm wearing a black skirt and a white blouse with a black cardigan.

I go to the room next door and knock. I hear Mr. Yoshida say, "Who is it?" In English. I put on my best American accent and say, "It is Kayoko." I hear a soft chuckle as the door opens.

He continues in English. He speaks very slowly, clearly for my benefit. "Come in, Kayoko. Have a seat."

"Thank you, sir." I sit down in a desk chair where I can look out the window.

"How is Akari?"

Still in English? This is going to get hard.

"She is…tired from her…" No idea the word for flare, "...sickness. Taking nap. Err…'a' nap?"

Just as I was finishing my bad sentence, Mrs. Yoshida comes out of the bathroom with a small smile on her face. Mr. Yoshida smiles at me and goes in the bathroom.

Mercifully, Mrs. Yoshida switches to Japanese. "Your English is quite good, Kayoko."

I can't help but smile at her compliment, "Thank you. It needs some work…I suppose this trip will help."

She nods as she puts on her earrings, "It will. Seems to me the English classes at Yamaku are better than most other schools. So wonderful that it's a great educational facility in addition to being well suited for students like you, Akari, and your friends."

I smile broadly, "Yamaku is amazing. Of course…both my parents went there and worked there, so I'm not exactly a neutral party. But yes, I agree with you."

She sits down on the bed across from me and notices that I'm gazing out the window. "Quite a view, isn't it?"

"It is. I've seen it in movies and stuff…so…seeing it myself feels surreal. It's beautiful. Have you been here before?"

She nods, "Yes, for a few conferences. I prefer the UK, but the United States has a lot to offer too. Especially New York City."

"What are we going to do tonight?"

"Just go to dinner somewhere close, I think. We may not be in lupus flares, but jet lag is pretty bad. So, we don't want to do too much."

I don't seem to be feeling the effects quite as much. Probably the first class seat, I guess.

"If we…want to walk around a bit to find a place to eat, how much can you do?"

"Well…if it's nice easy terrain, I can do like 20 minutes okay. As you've seen, I have to go kinda slow."

She nods, "Just let us know if we are overdoing it."

…

We are eating at a pizzeria in the same neighborhood as our hotel. When the Yoshidas heard I haven't had very much pizza in my life, and certainly not New York style, they insisted that was what we needed to do.

I am very glad they did. I ordered an American classic: Pepperoni pizza, and it is one of the best things I have ever tasted. The creaminess of the cheese, the crunchiness of the crust, and acidity from the tomatoes and meat makes every bite amazing. I'm doing my best to eat politely, but I may have slipped up a time or two based on little smiles from Mrs. Yoshida.

Now that we've finished eating, the Yoshidas are whispering to one another. It's making me nervous.

Mrs. Yoshida turns to me and says, "So…we think we know the answer to this, of course…but we have you alone so we may as well ask: What are your intentions with Akari?"

"I-intentions?"

"I mean…how do you see your future with her."

I smile, "Oh. Well, I'm hoping we both get into Tokyo, failing that…I hope we both study somewhere where we can still live together. Um…is that…okay?"

Mrs. Yoshida raises an eyebrow, "Which part?"

"The…living together."

She looks a little annoyed. "You two are grown women now, you don't need our permission. But…we don't have any objections to that." Mr. Yoshida nods.

"Okay…that's good."

"What about after university?"

I smile, "Well…after we finish university…I'd really like to marry her...have a family with her further down the road. I…I guess the shortest answer to this whole question is that I want to be with Akari for the rest of my life. I…really love her."

The Yoshidas exchange a look and then nod at each other. Mrs. Yoshida says, "That's more or less what we thought, but we wanted to be sure, especially with this Juilliard audition on the table. But…it's like we thought. You two are very committed to each other."

If I hadn't answered that to their satisfaction, they might have pressured Akari to go here? Guess I'm glad I didn't know the stakes.

My concern must be evident on my face, because Mr. Yoshida adds, "For what it's worth, we think Akari is making the right decision."

I smile at him, "Thank you. I…struggled with it some myself. Whether I should remove myself from the picture so she could make the decision without me in mind. That was…one of the issues that came up when we had that fight. So…I know it's a big opportunity. And it means a lot that you think she's making the right choice. I…wouldn't blame you, if you didn't."

Mrs. Yoshida puts her hand on mine, startling me a little. "Kayoko…I know I'm not…a warm person. I don't often say nice things." She sighs. "Let's face it, I'm a little scary." I laugh softly and she smiles at me. "So…maybe that's why you don't seem to have much confidence about how we feel about you." She hesitates and looks at her husband. He gives her an encouraging nod. She turns back to me and blurts out, "So…just this one time, I'm going to tell you." She takes a deep breath. "W-we love you, Kayoko. You're a wonderful, caring girl, and you make our daughter very happy. We would be very glad for you two to be together your entire lives." She exhales and releases my hand, clearly relieved that she made it through that. She said it all in a rushed, emotionless voice, which damages the impact of it a little bit. But not by much. She still said it. And it was hard for her. But she did it because she knew I needed to hear it. Tears have been falling down my face since she uttered the word 'love.'

"I love both of you, too. I'm sorry…I know it will make you uncomfortable. B-but I'm gonna have to cry now. Happy tears, don't worry. I will keep it under control, though. P-promise."

Mrs. Yoshida laughs softly and instructs her husband to give me a handkerchief, which he does.

I thought they felt this way for a while but could never be sure. It feels great to know that they fully approve of me. And Akari's decision.

---

It's the next morning and I'm awake very early. Guess I'm not entirely immune to jet lag. Akari is still sleeping peacefully, and to my knowledge she has been for about 14 hours straight. Tomorrow is her audition, so hopefully all this extra rest does her some good.

I spend about 30 minutes reading a book about gene editing that I brought with me, but I find it hard to focus. I keep looking up from my book and smiling at the sleeping Akari.

If we were at Yamaku and she was in a flare, I would go get her some melon bread from the cafeteria. It seems very unlikely I will find that here. I am sure there are some traditional Japanese bakeries somewhere in this massive city, but I didn't see any nearby last night. I did see some other bakeries last night though, so I am sure I can get her some sort of baked confection to continue our tradition.

I get up and get dressed, taking care not to make too much noise. Then I quietly leave the room, ride the elevator down, and leave the hotel.

I walk about a block east to find the bakery I saw yesterday. I'm a little anxious about my English, but I think I can manage to get some pastries. Only one way to find out.

I walk inside and am greeted by the shopkeeper's 'good morning' and I reply in kind. As I bend over and start to look at the various baked goods on display, the shopkeeper says,

"[Something something something] today?" I cringe at my inability to understand. I stand up and look him in the eye. "I'm sorry…I didn't understand. Can you say it again?"

He nods and speaks more slowly this time. Seeing his lips move helps too, "What are you looking for today?"

I smile and slowly reply as I have to search for half the words, "Do you have…sweet breads?"

He smiles back, "We do. The owner is [Something] so we have [Something.]" He points to a display case further into the bakery. Even though I didn't get the details, I thank him and walk in that direction. When I get there, I am surprised to see something that looks a lot like melon bread. They are spherical baked items that have some of the same scored markings melon bread does, but they are tinted red. I read the sign, which says "Concha." I have no idea what that means, but I asked for sweet bread, got pointed here, and this definitely looks like what I want.

I look to the clerk and say, "Excuse me, can I have four of these?"

He nods and gets a bag before retrieving four of them and putting them inside. I pay him, and as I'm about to leave I ask, "Is this…American bread?"

He shakes his head, "It's Mexican." I nod and thank him before heading out the door.

Once I come back in the room, I sit down at the desk, eager to try this new confection. When I hold it in my hands, I can tell that it doesn't have an outer layer quite as crunchy as melon bread does. Overall, it seems softer. I bite into it and find a similar taste. This is definitely sweet bread. The texture is different for sure, but not wildly so. In fact, if you gave me a bite of melon bread without the outer layer, I don't know if I could tell the difference.

Funny how bakery items from countries so far apart from one another can have a similar sweet bread. Of course, I think I read somewhere that Japan got melon bread from American bakers after the war, so they might actually be more closely related than I'm thinking.

As I finish my concha, Akari starts to stir. Without opening her eyes, she says, "Mmmrnnn…melon bread?"

I laugh softly, "Not quite, but close."

She opens one eye and looks at it. "It's…r-red?"

"Apparently so. It's called…concha. I learned that it's Mexican. It is surprisingly similar. Not as crunchy on the outside, though."

Akari sits up and rubs her eyes, "Y-you went and got it for me? Out in the city?"

"I did. You can't have a flare without sweetbread, right? I got some for me and your parents too."

She smiles at me, "I love y-you."

I giggle, "I love you too."

I get out of the chair, and she comes to sit in it so she can enjoy the bread. I stroke her hair while she enjoys it. She's really digging in, so she must like it too. Once she's done, I ask,

"How are you feeling so far this morning?"

"N-not too bad. Still tired…but pain is minimal." She touches her face. "My r-rash is gone, isn't it?"

"I think it's still there, but very faint." She stands up and smiles at me, "Well…it d-doesn't hurt." She puts her arms around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. I put my arms around her and rest my hands on her lower back while we do. It's a very static kiss. Not a whole lot of movement, just our lips lightly touching. Which makes me think she might be overstating how good her face feels. But it's an amazing kiss, nonetheless.

When we break it, my suspicions are confirmed, as she's wincing.

"Face still hurts a little?"

She nods, "But it w-was worth it. I r-really had to kiss you for getting that bread."

I laugh, "I'm glad you did, but not that you're hurting. Do you want a warm washcloth to try and calm it back down?"

She nods and lays back down in bed, looking a little defeated. I get a warm washcloth from the bathroom and drape it over her face, resulting in a relieved moan.

"I th-think I will be able to do the audition tomorrow. I could now, if I had to, so that's good."

I get in the bed and take her hand, "It is."

"W-will…y-you come with me? I…I know its…J-Juilliard, but-"

"Yes, of course I will. Stop getting worried about bringing it up. If the idea of going worried me, it would mean I didn't trust you. And I do."

She lifts the washcloth from her face and makes eye contact with me. "Remember how it t-took you longer to forgive yourself that time when you hurt me?"

I nod.

"W-well…I know what you meant, now."

I kiss the top of her head. "Okay…fair enough. But…I would be happy to go to the audition with you. And help you however else I can. I don't care that it's Juilliard."

"Thank you. Um…what would help r-right now is some snuggles, please."

I laugh and get under the covers with her, and we snuggle how we do when she's in a flare, facing each other with her chin on my shoulder.

"Your parents told me they love me last night."

Akari scoffs, "N-no they didn't. They do love you, b-but…they can't say it."

I laugh, "They really did! Your mom asked me how I saw our future together…and I told them…being together forever. And then your mom told me."

Akari chuckles, "W-well they surprised me again. That's amazing. You cried, didn't you?"

"Like a baby, yeah."

…

Before long Akari falls back asleep, and I get the remaining conchas and knock on her parents' door. Mrs. Yoshida answers the door and lets me in.

I brandish the bakery bag. "Good morning…I got these sweet breads for you two."

Mrs. Yoshida raises her eyebrows as she takes the bag from me, "You went out and did that on your own?"

"Um…yeah. Just that bakery a couple blocks over. Should I…not have?"

"It's good. I'm impressed."

Praise from her is sooo good. It's like a drug. One that's hard to find.

I blush, "Th-thank you. I usually get Akari Melon bread when she doesn't feel well…and this was close."

She reaches into the bag and pulls one out, "Conchas, right? These are good." She invites me to sit down. As she starts to eat hers, I take a seat.

"Yeah, I had never heard of them. But I asked for sweet bread, and that's where they pointed me."

"It sounds like we should just be speaking English with you."

I laugh, "I don't know about that. It was a bit of a struggle. But I muddled through."

She nods, "That's what matters. You know…my spoken English was good, but not perfect, when I got into Cambridge. I had some struggles my first few months. Especially with different accents. Going somewhere where no one knows your native language…it's scary. No safety net."

"That…surprises me. I guess it shouldn't, though. You had to start somewhere."

She nods, "Indeed." She smiles. "That's how I met Mr. Yoshida, I was struggling at the bookstore, and he helped. He had already been there a year and his English was better than mine."

I smile, "That's cute. Is his English still better?"

She dismissively says, "Of course not."

Her blunt delivery makes me crack up, and to my surprise she laughs a little with me.

"Where is Mr. Yoshida, anyway?"

"He's on his walk. He goes for one every morning. He'll be excited about this bread when he gets back."

I nod, "Gotcha. My mom runs every morning, so I'm used to that sort of routine."

Ms. Yoshida smiles, "I know. Amazing that she still does that at her age. She's a remarkable person."

I smile back, "She definitely is. I'm glad you think so."

"By the way…is she seeing anyone?"

Her line of questioning startles me. "Uh.…no."

Mrs. Yoshida frown, "I'm sorry…you probably don't want to talk about that…you only lost your father a few years ago."

"Well…that's true. But I have actually been encouraging her to try dating. But she says she isn't ready. She said she could see herself going on a date, but…isn't ready for another man in her bed."

Ms. Yoshida blushes slightly and looks away from me, "I…see."

"Why didn't you ask her? You're friends."

"Well…I was worried I would upset her. And it sounds like I would have."

I nod, "Yeah, probably. I did last time I brought it up. Why do you ask anyway?"

"Well…there's a new professor in my faculty, and…the moment I met him I thought, 'this is a man for Emi.'"

Should I trust Mrs. Yoshida's instincts about this?

"That's interesting. What's he like?"

"Well, he's a fitness nut. Runs marathons."

I smile, "Always a good starting point for my mom, even if she is more of a sprinter."

"He also has the same…child-like energy, let's call it."

I laugh, "I know what you mean. Sounds promising."

"He's very sweet and kind to everyone like she is too. He's really a male version of her."

"Sort of sounds that way. Is he cute?"

"H-he's an attractive man, yes."

"Like on my mom's level?"

"Yes. He is the most eligible bachelor I know, let's put it that way."

I nod and smile, "Well done. Would I be able to meet him when we get back? Assess him myself?"

Mrs. Yoshida smiles, "I can…probably arrange that. Do you think she will even be interested?"

"I don't think so. Not for dating right away. But…there's no harm in having them meet and be friends."

She nods. "It's nice of you to want this for your mom so much."

"Well…my dad never stopped loving Saki, and he still loved my mom. I know my mom won't ever stop loving him, whether she dates or whatever. If I thought it meant she stopped…I wouldn't like it. But it doesn't."

"Agreed. I don't know her as well of course…but I can tell she'll always love him. I…do think she could use a companion. But I guess it's too soon. I suppose we'll see."

"Why do you think she needs a companion?"

"Well…she spends all of her time with people much younger or much older than her. She's always running around like crazy trying to take care of you kids and her elderly in-laws. She needs to relax more. I think a companion would help."

I nod, "I agree. You really care for my mom, don't you?"

She crosses her arms and sounds a little annoyed when she says, "Of course, Kayoko. Do you still think I don't care about anyone?"

I have a flashback to our argument in the medical building two years ago. It sends a shiver down my spine.

"N-no, I know you care. But I didn't know you were this close with my mom, I guess."

"Yes, we talk a lot. She's one of my closest friends."

I smile, "That's nice. Good to have the in-laws get along."

She raises an eyebrow at me and for a moment I think she's going to tell me we aren't in-laws, but then she says, "Yes, I suppose that does make it easier for you two. And easier for us, for that matter."

I nod, "Yes, it's really nice. I really loved when we all did Christmas last year."

"We liked that too. How is Akari feeling, by the way? Not too bad, based on your mood?"

I nod, "Mostly just fatigued today. She got up long enough to eat her bread and then fell back asleep. She said she feels like she could do the audition today, though, if she had to."

"That's good to hear."

Just then, Mr. Yoshida comes into the room. Mrs. Yoshida hands him his concha and he seems just as surprised as she was that I went out and did that on my own. He thanks me and digs in. Once he's finished, he turns to his wife and says,

"Did you ask her?"

"Oh. No. We talked about some other things."

"Ask me what?"

"Would you like to go to a few museums with us today? It sounds like Akari won't be up for it, but honestly she doesn't love most museums anyway."

I smile, "I like museums. I will join you, unless Akari really wants me to stay or something. I don't think she will, though. She seems to want us to spend time together."

"Okay, great. We're going to do the essential New York stuff too - Statue of Liberty, Times Square, all that - but we're saving that for when Akari feels better."

---

Akari's audition is today. She isn't feeling 100%, but she's getting there. She went out to dinner with me and her parents last night, and right now we're going to the bakery together.

When we walk in, the shopkeeper says something that I don't quite pick up. Akari whispers, "He s-said welcome back. Nice to see you again."

Akari is better at understanding English than I am. Probably as a result of her parents, who watch English television all the time. But her anxiety and her stutter make it harder for her to actually respond. Meanwhile, I can respond pretty well, provided I know what was said. So, we've developed a system. If I miss what someone says, she can usually translate. Then I respond. It seems to be working pretty well so far. We aren't her parents who get around effortlessly, but we aren't completely inept like my parents would be either.

I smile and say, "Thank you." Then I look at Akari, "Do you want to look around a little, or straight to the conchas?"

She giggles, "We can look. M-my parents really liked those too, though."

We look around a little bit, but ultimately go with the conchas again. When we check out, the shopkeeper says something, but I miss most of it. Akari says, "He said, 'You must have liked those.'"

I nod, "Yes…they are very good. We are Japanese. They are like a sweet bread we have."

"Melon bread?"

I smile, "Yes."

The clerk says, "We tried selling that" and then something else I missed entirely.

Akari whispers, "It didn't sell."

I respond, "We would buy. But only visiting."

He nods and smiles, "Your English is good."

He is definitely just being polite, but I appreciate it.

"Thank you. Have a nice day."

…

Akari is in front of the mirror in our hotel bathroom getting ready for her audition. She's wearing a cute black dress that goes just below her knees. It's the kind of thing one usually wears when performing in an orchestra. She's wearing the hydrangea necklace I got her too. She decided to go without a headband, which I think was a good decision. Bright pink and black don't go super well together.

Note to self: Get Akari some less colorful headbands for when she performs.

She looks amazing. I'm enjoying just watching her.

I've been prepared for her to have a little breakdown at some point today, but she hasn't had one. Or even seemed especially close to having one.

She comes out of the bathroom and sits down on the bed. She looks distressed.

Way to jinx it Nakai!

I sit down next to her and put my arm around her. "You okay?"

She nods weakly. "I'm getting worried about the i-interview part…b-but I will be okay. My mom is allowed to help with the English."

I rub her back with my hand, "Yep, you will. Besides, you're so good at playing, they won't be able to think of any questions."

She giggles.

"You know…when all that stuff happened…when we were broken up-"

She glares at me and pulls away a little, "You're bringing that up n-now?"

"Just let me finish. I talked to my aunt during that. I knew you were a lock to get in wherever you wanted, but I asked her what she thought. Do you know what she said?"

Akari frowns and sighs, still annoyed with me, "Obviously n-not, Kayoko. I wasn't there."

"She said you're one of the best horn players she has ever known. Of any age."

Akari looks at me and her eyes get wide. It makes me laugh. "Why are you so surprised?"

"I d-dunno. I know I am good for a student…b-but she was in the Tokyo Philharmonic…that means…" She trails off, unable to say the words herself.

I kiss the top of her head. "That you're already on the same level as professionals. I think part of the reason my aunt wanted you to come do this is because all these people over here are going to remember you, even when you don't come to this school. It could mean opportunities down the road. So, when I say you might be so good, they can't think of any questions, I'm only exaggerating a little."

She smiles, "Thanks." She takes a deep breath and stands up. "We should probably get going."

…

The three Yoshidas and I just got out of a cab in front of Juilliard.

Even as hard as I am trying, seeing the sign for Juilliard does trigger a visceral panic deep inside me. But I close my eyes and take a deep breath, and it goes away.

We enter the main building and follow signs that say, "Auditions this way," before finding the right area for Akari. We sit in chairs outside, waiting for her name to be called. I sort of expected the audition to be on a stage, but it looks more like they take place in smaller rooms. We've only been sitting for a few minutes when a woman comes out of the room and says, "Yoshida."

There's a bit of panic on Akari's face. I take her hand and squeeze it, while Akari's mom talks to the person who called her name. My hand helps Akari unfreeze, and then Mrs. Yoshida says, "Sorry Akari, only one of us can go in with you. The room is too small."

Akari frowns and looks from me to her mom and back to me again.

"Hey…you have to take your mom, because of the English. I'll be out here, though, cheering you on and waiting for you."

She nods and kisses me, before standing up with a determined look on her face. She goes into the room with her mom and the door closes.

Mr. Yoshida gets up and sits next to me and smiles. "She's going to do great."

I smile back, "I know it. We will probably be able to hear it here. At least a little."

Just when I get the words out, we start to hear the pleasant tone of Akari's French horn. It's faint, but we can make it out. It sounds good, of course. We sit quietly and listen for about 20 minutes. Then it stops.

I really hope she doesn't have a panic attack about the questions. But her mom will help. Of course…she isn't the ideal person for handling her panic attacks. I need to stop thinking about this or I'm going to have a panic attack myself.

I can tell Mr. Yoshida is worried too. I reach out and put a hand on his shoulder and give it a light squeeze.

This isn't something I would have done before this trip, but they love me. I can initiate this kind of contact without too much fear.

He smiles at me, "You are still some girlfriend."

I laugh, "That again?"

He nods, "Now you're at the audition you fought about. Supporting her, comforting her nervous father. I know I let my wife speak for me the other night…so let me just say myself, I'm very happy you and my daughter are together."

I start to tear up a little, but luckily it isn't too bad. It isn't quite as surprising as when it was said the other night. He did say it with more feeling than his wife, though.

"Thank you."

We sit anxiously for a little while longer.

Then Akari comes out of the room absolutely beaming. I stand up and smile at her. She rushes towards me, and I can tell she wants to throw her arms around me and pull me down for a kiss and I'm going to let her potential injury be damned, but she notices she shouldn't when she's a few steps away from me. She stops, smiles and says, "It w-went really well."

I smile back, close the distance between us and bend down to give her a light kiss on the lips.

"I knew it would. Good job, Kari."

She looks up at me and smiles radiantly. "Oh, so you like that one? Kari?"

She nods silently and I kiss her again.

Mrs. Yoshida clears her throat.

I say, "Sorry, ma'am."

"It's fine, but we should probably get out of these people's way."

Somehow, we both overlooked the fact that we are blocking the entrance to the room for the next person who is auditioning. We were in our own little world, I guess. I turn to bow and ask their forgiveness but remember that bowing is a little unusual here. So I just say, "I'm sorry" and Akari nods, and we get out of their way.

Akari revels in her success in silence all the way back to the hotel. I do too.

When we get to our floor her dad impatiently says, "Akari…I know you might be tired. But I'd quite like to hear about your audition and interview. I'm sure Kayoko would too."

"I would, but you can rest first."

"N-no, I'll tell you. Then we can nap."

We all go into her parents' hotel room. We all take a seat, and Akari says,

"After I played…th-they all looked really impressed. For a m-moment, they were silent." Akari smirks at me, since it sounds a little like what I said would happen. Then she smiles really broadly at all of us. "B-but the part I am most proud of, is that I k-kept my composure when they started asking questions. Some were hard and personal, like…how I started playing. I was…really anxious, b-but I answered them all without t-too much hesitation. A-afterwards, they all came and shook my hand and s-said they would be…honored if I attended Juilliard. It…felt really nice."

I feel a tiny bit of panic. But Akari has realized I might feel that way, so she smiles at me to reassure me. I feel the panic recede.

Mr. Yoshida smiles and says, "That's wonderful."

Mrs. Yoshida crosses her arms, "You're leaving out the part I was most impressed with."

Akari looks at her in confusion.

Mrs. Yoshida sighs, "She barely needed me. The very beginning was a little hard, and I helped her phrase something a little better here or there, but she answered in English."

Akari smiles bashfully.

"That's great! You handled this in another language…dealing with this sort of thing back home will seem easier by comparison."

I wonder if that was also partly my aunt's intention? Of course, if it didn't go well…

She nods, "I hadn't thought a-about that." She stands up and comes over to me and takes my hand. "Okay, we're going to go take a nap. C-can we go out to dinner later?"

Mrs. Yoshida laughs, "Of course. Not like we're cooking. Have a good…nap, you two."

We go back to our room and Akari theatrically collapses on the bed and breathes a huge sigh of relief.

I lay down next to her and put my hand on her back. "I'm really proud of you. It sounds like you were perfect. Glad it's over?"

She nods. "I'm so tired n-now. The flare plus, travel, plus anxiety is too much." She reluctantly sits up. "I n-need out of this dress before I can sleep, though. Can you help?"

I nod and we both stand up. As I unzip the back of her dress, I start thinking about how much I'd like to kiss her shoulders. This flare has been relentless. So, it's been quite a while since we've had any amorous activity and I'm definitely pent up. But I keep myself under control. She is still far too tired for any of that.

She pulls her dress down, takes her bra off, and climbs into bed. I strip down to my underwear too and get in bed with her. Her hips are doing well enough that we are in our more usual position, with me on my back with an arm around her, and her arms around my waist.

"Your mom thinks we're having sex right now."

Akari sleepily says, "R-really?"

"Yep. The way she said 'nap' in there was pretty funny. Like she didn't believe it."

"W-well…I guess I don't blame her. If I was 100%, we probably would be. Although…b-being so close to their room, m-maybe not."

I squeeze her a little. "Well, either way, we are just taking an innocent little nap. Where we're…almost…naked." I look down at her body and she catches me.

Akari giggles, "You're turned on, a-aren't you?"

"Little bit. But I'm okay."

"G-good. Cause I'm gonna be asleep in like 20 seconds. But I promise I will make it up to you. Nap time now, though. Night Yoko. I love you. So much."

I smile and close my eyes, "Love you too. Kari and Yoko. I like it."

---

"You seem…really anxious."

Akari looks at me like I said the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yeah, I know. You have anxiety…but I'm used to that anxiety. It usually freezes you up, making it hard for you to do stuff. Right now...there's a different type of energy. You seem…frenetic. Unable to sit still."

Akari and I are meeting Hideki for coffee, and we are in the cab on the way there. We thought long and hard about whether we'd actually meet with him, but in the end, we decided we would. He's an old friend after all.

She frowns and straightens her headband, "It isn't r-rational but I feel…weird about this."

I squeeze her hand, "I thought you might…but you didn't say anything when we talked about it."

She frowns, "I was embarrassed. I thought it w-would go away."

I nudge her playfully. "You're not…worried I'm going to run off with him, right?"

She smiles at me, "No. But…I realized my feelings for you when you were mourning your relationship with him. I had… intense feelings about him at the time. I was really really mad he hurt you, and… jealous of him too. A-and now here we are, going to m-meet him for coffee. It's weird."

"Yeah. I can see that. He probably feels weird about it too."

"Why?"

I laugh, "Well, his ex is dating the girl who was her best friend back then."

She smiles, "Yeah, okay. That w-would be weird." She giggles. "Maybe he thinks we were sleeping with each other on the side." She nudges me playfully.

I panic for a moment, shocked she would say that in public. Then I look at our cab driver and remember he definitely doesn't speak Japanese.

"Maybe. I…kind of hope he would know I would never do that, though."

She scoffs. "I know, I'm t-teasing. You w-would normally pick up on that. You sure you don't feel weird about the meeting?"

I frown, "Well…the part I feel weird about is the role he unknowingly played in our big fight. I don't feel weird about the romantic part."

She nods. "He unknowingly played a big role in both our big fights…"

"Wow, yeah. Well, great. Now you definitely have me feeling weird about it too."

Our cab driver says something to us, but I wasn't focused enough to even catch much of it. But the car is stopped, so I'm pretty sure we have reached our destination. Akari translates, confirming my suspicion.

I nod and say, "Okay thank you very much, sir."

He nods and we get out of the cab. When I do, I almost run into Hideki on the sidewalk. He laughs and, before saying anything, wraps me in a hug. It's a familiar sensation. I feel some bittersweet memories rush back. It's hard not to think about how he used to hold me. But, it's just an echo of those feelings.

I say, "Hey there, Hideki."

He laughs and releases me, "Hey yourself." Then he turns to Akari and gives her a hug too. It doesn't linger quite as long as ours did.

After our greetings he leads us to the cafe where we planned to meet. We get our drinks and find a nice table on an outdoor porch. It's a little warm, but this is New York City. I want to admire the scenery as much as I can.

"How do you like New York?"

"It's pretty neat so far."

"W-we haven't gone out a whole lot before today. Tomorrow we will do the big stuff. I had a lupus flare so we c-couldn't."

He winces. "That's rough. Glad you're doing okay now."

Akari nods, "Luckily I f-felt okay enough to audition."

He smiles and looks back and forth between us, "How did you two happen? If you don't mind me asking."

I look at Akari. She nods. Even with her permission, I decide to only share my side of things and leave it up to her if she wants to talk about hers.

I tell him how we grew closer and closer over the last year. I tell him about falling in the shower and Akari helping me, and how I realized I was in love with her that day. After that Akari jumps in with her part.

She tells him that she realized her feelings while she was helping me cope with our breakup. She goes into way more detail than I expected about how upset I was, which annoys me a little.

Once she's done, he turns to me with sad eyes and frowns, "Kayoko…I'm sorry that I hurt you like that."

"Hey, it's okay. We both knew the hurt was coming. Plus, in a way you helped me get with Akari. It was worth it."

Akari smiles at me and squeezes my hand.

"So, things are going pretty well for you over here, yeah?"

He nods, "Yeah. It's been really great. I've learned a lot and improved a lot. I think I'll be able to play professionally like I want." He smiles. "I even play at a jazz club sometimes."

I smile back at him. This is what I wanted for him. His leaving was so hard, but I knew he'd do great over here. And he did.

"That's great."

"So…obviously Akari wants to continue with music, what about you, Kayoko?"

I sigh, "Still kind of conflicted two years later. Although, I did give up on performance. Too many injuries."

He frowns, "That sucks. I'm sorry…I remember you saying you thought that might happen."

"Yep, but I'm enjoying teaching a first year to play piano and I'm doing science club. So…sort of testing the waters. I'm trying to decide now between music education and science."

He nods and smiles, "Sounds about right for you."

He turns to Akari, "So I heard your audition was a smash. You'll be coming here, huh?"

Akari's eyes get wide, and she glances at me before she flatly says, "No."

"No? But I thought-"

Akari interrupts him, "I just auditioned."

I squeeze her hand. I'm pretty sure her…rude behavior is a result of not wanting me to think she has changed her mind or something. I guess I can't blame her, given what communication with Hideki did to us not that long ago. I'm hoping my hand squeeze will communicate that I trust her, and she doesn't have to be so curt with him.

Hideki looks flummoxed, "Why would you audition if you don't want to come?"

Akari lets go of my hand and crosses her arms. "B-because I wanted the experience. And because unlike you I want to stay with Yoko."

Did NOT see that coming. Maybe I should have after what she said in the cab. And all the details she shared about how much he hurt me.

I speak up, "Kari…that's over and done with. Let's move on."

My attempt at intervention is ignored by both parties who don't break eye contact with each other as they continue their conversation.

"…are you mad at me about that? Even all this time later?"

She huffs, "I guess I am. I d-didn't know I was until you asked me that question. "

He nods, "Okay, then. I guess…I can't really argue with it, since you took care of her after it happened. I guess that's hard to forget."

I try to intervene again, "Guys…why are we talking about this? It doesn't matter now!"

Again, I'm ignored.

Her eyes narrow. "It is hard to forget. And…now that I'm in a similar position, I really can't believe you did it. I think you made a b-big mistake."

I speak a little louder. "Am I on mute or something?!"

Hideki sighs, "Maybe I did. Hard to know now. But…our situations aren't as similar as you think."

I sit back in my chair with crossed arms, resigned to the fact that neither of them are going to listen to me. I guess they are keeping it relatively civil at least.

"We both have the opportunity to go to Julliard at the expense of moving away from her. Sounds s-similar to me."

"Well…you've been with her…over a year, right? Since before you started looking at universities. You made your decision after being with her a long time. When Kayoko and I got together…that decision had already been made."

Akari shrugs, "D-decisions can change."

He sighs and for the first time in a while one of them acknowledges me.

He turns to me and quietly says, "I-if…we had more time together…" He trails off.

"Hideki…you don't need to say anything about this. You and I are over and have been for a very long time. There's nothing you have to explain."

Akari says, "Actually, I'm interested in what he has t-to say."

I sigh and look up in the sky, asking for divine intervention to put an end to this awkward conversation. "Is this just what happens when your ex and current significant other are around each other? I wish someone had warned me."

They both chuckle softly at me.

Hideki sighs and looks at me, "I guess it doesn't matter now, so I'll just say it. I was…very close to changing my decision. I lost sleep over it. When I got off the plane here…I almost turned around and got on a flight back to Japan. So…a little more time together, and I probably would have."

Akari scowls a little, "Do you still have feelings for her?"

Hideki turns to her with raised eyebrows, "Wh-what? No."

He looks back at me and smiles, "I mean…you'll always be special to me because…you were my first girlfriend, but no, I don't have feelings."

I smile softly at him, "That's how I feel too."

He clears his throat awkwardly. "There's…something I want to ask. It may be sort of off limits, I guess. I don't know the rules. But…I have been wondering…." He trails off and blushes.

I laugh, because I think I know where this is going. "I'm not gay, Hideki. I didn't…force things with you or whatever self-conscious thought you have in your head."

His face relaxes and he nods. Akari's doesn't. Hers gets worse. I think she just pictured something she really didn't want to.

She looks at the table and quietly says, "Okay…I th-think that's enough talk about…th-that…"

I scoff at Akari and jab a finger at her, "You're the one who steered this conversation down this path. So you aren't allowed to be like that. Reap what you sow."

She grumbles about something under her breath.

"What was that?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have b-brought it up!"

Hideki shrugs, "I dunno. It was the elephant in the room. We could have avoided it…but it was on all our minds, I am sure. Was kind of nice to clear the air."

"Yeah…I guess it kind of was. Even if I was trying to stop you two, it does feel…less tense."

Akari responds, "Y-yeah…I guess s-so." She still has a half grimace on her face. I feel like she's still picturing me and Hideki. Under the table, I rub my foot against her leg. As sensually as I can manage. Which…isn't very. But it does seem to pull her out of her head. She smiles at me, and we hold hands again and I continue the conversation with Hideki.

"So…how are the American ladies treating you?"

He laughs, "Do you have to ask like that?"

I shrug, "Why not?"

He sighs, "I was with a girl for a year and a half, but we broke up about a month ago, actually."

"Oh. S-sorry. That must be hard."

Akari is trying to be nice now, thank goodness.

"It is. I'm definitely still…dealing with it. But…I'm okay. Or, I will be at least."

I smile at him, "I know you will."

He smiles back, and then asks, "So…you're staying in Japan and going to try to get into the same school, then?"

Akari nods, "Tokyo, we hope. We f-feel…pretty good about it."

"That's great. I'm sure you will. I passed that exam and I'm pretty sure you're both smarter than me."

I laugh, "Really?"

"Probably. More well-rounded at least. I guess my English is better. But that's probably it."

"Well…that makes me feel better, thanks."

He nods and looks at our interlaced hands, smiles and looks at both of us. "You know…I thought it was going to be a little strange, seeing you two like this. After all, last time I saw you, you were best friends. But it isn't strange at all."

I laugh, "Thanks for saying we aren't strange, I guess."

He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Yeah, I could have worded that better. What I mean is, it makes sense. It clicks when I see it. Like things are fitting into place."

Akari smiles and squeezes my hand. "Th-thank you…you said it much better that time."

"That's kind of how we felt, when we got together. So, it's nice to hear it from outside too."

After that, we make small talk for a while, about culture shock, living in the U.S., where he thinks he'll live when he graduates and how Yamaku band is doing. Just as it seems like we are wrapping things up he says, "Do you ever hear from Masa?"

Akari and I look at each other. It takes me a second to remember who he is.

"Uh…no. Haven't talked to him since that stuff with Ms. Hamada."

Hideki raises his eyebrows, "Maybe I shouldn't tell you this…you're still students and all, but…you're almost done with classes, and I know you won't tell anyone." He whispers, which is silly. No one around here will understand us. "...he and Ms. Hamada kind of have a thing."

"A…thing?"

"Yeah. They aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, but they talk a lot and she stays with him in Sendai every other weekend."

I feel a little surprised at first but then I smile.

"Well, that's nice." I frown. "Kind of hurt that he never told us though. The two of us and Ai coached him through it."

Akari says, "W-well…she's our homeroom teacher, and she p-probably doesn't want people to know…"

"That's true. How long has it been going on? Since graduation?"

"Not quite that long…I think it took him like a year of talking to her before they saw each other in person."

I nod, "Well…I'm happy for them. She's really great and he…genuinely seems to love her. That's why we helped. I hope he doesn't get hurt, though."

Hideki nods, "Yeah, he seems very happy these days. But…having a secret relationship like that does sound hard."

I smirk, "I'm going to be watching Ms. Hamada more closely the rest of the year. See if I think she had a weekend at Masa's."

Akari giggles and Hideki chuckles. "Well…it has been great catching up, you two. I'm a little sad you won't be in New York, Akari, but…" He looks at me and then back at her. "I understand why."

We all exchange hugs. When he hugs me, I say, "You're really doing great here. I'm glad." He breaks the hug and smiles at me. "You seem to be doing great too."

After that, we part ways. Akari and I get a cab and head back to the hotel. She's still not entirely out of her flare and needs a nap.

[guthrum06]

It's our last night in New York, and we have tickets to see the New York Philharmonic.

Yesterday we did all of the big New York stuff you're supposed to, and it was fun. Although at times I felt a bit like a burden because of my mobility restrictions. Everyone was patient though, even Mrs. Yoshida. So that helped.

I'm really looking forward to this. More than any of that tourist stuff. They didn't tell me about it until yesterday.

When my aunt was in the Tokyo Philharmonic, we went to see her perform several times. But it has been a while, and this is supposed to be the best orchestra in the world. And they perform in front of 2,000 people, which is amazing.

We're at Lincoln Center now. We got here early so that Akari could avoid a massive crush of people. We're in our seats now, with only a few dozen other people here right now. Akari and Mr. Yoshida are using the restroom, so right now it's just me and Mrs. Yoshida.

Mrs. Yoshida smiles at me, "Have you looked at the program?"

"Oh, no, I haven't yet. I was kind of going to go with the flow."

"Well…you can do that. Maybe that would be better, actually. Never mind. Forget I said anything."

I look at her for a second and consider forgetting about it. But, I'm unable to resist my curiosity, so I open the program. It takes me a little while to make my way through since it's in English. But then I see what Mrs. Yoshida wanted me to see. It's strange seeing her name in Latin characters. Especially a name so familiar to me.

"Piano Concerto No. 11 - Saki Enomoto."

A few tears fall down my face as I clutch the program to my chest.

Mrs. Yoshida sees my reaction and pats my shoulder awkwardly just as Akari sits back down next to me. She sees my face and smiles, "You saw the p-program?"

I nod, "So you all knew when you planned this?"

Akari says, "W-well…it's kind of a coincidence. We would have come anyway, but we did see a few of her songs were b-being played and knew that would be extra special."

I smile at her and take her hand. "It is. Thank you."

The lights dim and the concert gets underway. Akari and I hold hands on the arm rest.

I'm sure the other music the New York Philharmonic is performing tonight is wonderful, but now that I know Saki's music is coming, I am sort of in a daze. I know she's a big deal, but it still surprises me sometimes when I'm confronted with that reality. We're a million miles from Japan and listening to arguably the greatest orchestra in the world. And they are going to play pieces she wrote. Including a song she wrote with my Aunt Chisato in mind. A song she wrote when she was married to my dad. Even before they start playing her music, tears are silently streaming down my face.

I wish my dad could have come on this trip. It would be so much fun to see him react to this.

Once they start Saki's Piano Concerto, I am even more overcome with emotion. This is a song I have listened to since I was a baby. A song my dad, my aunt and I listened to together all the time. And I'm listening to it now with over 2,000 other people. It's just as beautiful now. I especially enjoy watching the pianist, especially because I know my aunt was the first to ever play that part in this song.

When the last of her songs is over, I get another awkward shoulder pat from Mrs. Yoshida, and a hand squeeze and a smile from Akari.

While I had a hard time enjoying the first part of the concert because of my anticipation, I have a hard time with the second part because I am emotionally exhausted. I still enjoy it as much as I can, but it is hard to stay focused.

Once the concert is over, we wait for the main crowd to empty out so that Akari doesn't have to deal with the crowd. Then, we head out to the lobby.

Mr. Yoshida says, "Why don't you two pose for a picture?"

I'm about to say no since my face is tear-stained, but Akari enthusiastically says, "Okay!" and I figure I will humor her. We stand underneath a sign that says, "David Geffen Hall - Home of the New York Philharmonic." There is a beautiful blue tile mosaic behind us that makes for a good backdrop. We get in our usual photo pose, our arms looped together and Akari resting her head on my shoulder. As we're about to take the picture, I feel Akari shift next to me. I turn to ask her what she's doing, and I see she is facing me and holding a jewelry box. My mouth falls open. I look to her parents, who are both smiling knowingly. Then I look back at Akari.

Surely they wouldn't be smiling like that if they thought she was proposing…right?

As if reading my mind, she whispers, "It isn't a proposal, they made me promise we wouldn't do that until after university." She smiles, "But it is something special. For both of us." She opens the box and there are two identical rings inside. Well, almost identical. One has a larger band than the other. They each have gold bands and two round diamonds on top.

She takes one out and gets very serious. She says, "I really messed up recently…it made you doubt my long-term commitment to you...I want to make sure there aren't any d-doubts. I want to be with you forever…a-and this is a physical sign of that. They are promise rings. Each has two diamonds b-bound together by gold. They represent y-you and me, and our unbreakable b-bond." She smiles up at me. "Would you like me to p-put yours on?"

Still rendered speechless, I nod excitedly and extend my left hand for her. In characteristic Akari fashion, she very carefully puts it on my ring finger without moving any of my joints.

After she does, I admire it for a moment and then put a hand on each of her cheeks before giving her a long kiss. I keep it pretty tame with her parents watching.

Thank goodness her butterfly rash is finally gone today.

The kiss seems to have restored my ability to speak. Because when we break it I excitedly say, "I'll put yours on now."

She smiles broadly and says, "Y-yes please." I take the smaller ring from the box and slide it on her ring finger on her left hand. Then we kiss again.

I don't know if I've ever been this happy. I knew she wanted us to be together forever, but having these rings does make that seem tangible more tangible than it's ever been. I think I still had some doubts deep down. But they're gone now.

We walk back to her parents holding hands and with big smiles on our faces, and her parents are smiling too. They congratulate us and give us hugs.

Mr. Yoshida says, "We got it on video and lots of pictures."

I blush, "I can't imagine I look very good with my tear-stained face and my mouth hanging open."

Akari loops her arm in mine and smiles at me, "Shut up, you always l-look good."

I laugh, "Okay, as long as you think so." I turn to the Yoshidas, "Um…I feel a little bad that you have paid for all this stuff…and now these rings. I think my mom-"

Mrs. Yoshida interrupts, "That's what you're thinking about Kayoko?"

I smile at Akari, "It's not the only thing, but I am thinking about it. I was just going to say-"

She interrupts me again, "Your mother paid for your ring, Kayoko. Now, please stop thinking about money and just be happy."

I laugh, "Okay. I am very happy. Sorry."

…

Later that night we are snuggling in our hotel bed, and we are holding one another's ring-adorned left hand.

"So…my mom knew about these rings, huh?"

Akari smiles, "She did. It was…kind of her idea, actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I didn't tell you, b-but…after we reconciled, I walked down the hill one evening to talk to your mom. You had science club and Junichiro's lessons, and band didn't meet that day."

I laugh, "Didn't we say no more hiding things?"

Akari gets flustered, "B-b-but…"

I giggle and kiss her. "I'm just teasing. This kind of thing is good."

She nods, "I went down there…to apologize to her for what I did. To tell her I wouldn't hurt you like that again. To b-beg her forgiveness, basically." She frowns. "She didn't offer it to me easily. It was k-kind of scary. I didn't know that side of her."

I laugh, "She usually saves it for track students. She did…help me a lot when I was upset. She saw the worst of it. And to be honest…you hurt her feelings too. So, that's why she was so scary."

"Yeah…she had every right to be upset. So…after reminding m-me how much I messed up, and what I almost lost because of it, she said I needed to d-do something big to show how serious my commitment to you is. After thinking about it for a f-few days, I came up with the rings and ran it past her and then my parents."

I smile and stretch out my left hand to admire my new ring, "Well. It was a good idea. Thank you. It feels really special for us to both be wearing one."

"Yeah. So you l-like it?"

"I love it. I love the two diamonds being us. Though you should have had one bigger one and one smaller one."

She giggles, "That would have looked w-weird."

I laugh. "Maybe a little. I guess it makes more sense now that your parents grilled me about how I felt about you that first night we were here. They wanted to make sure I felt the same way you do."

Akari nods, "Wh-when my mom said she wanted you to go out with them that night, I thought that might happen."

I smile and trace my finger along her neck. "So…how are you feeling?"

"A little fatigue, a little hip pain. Not too bad."

I start kissing her collarbone. "Yeah? Well enough to celebrate our promise to each other?"

She giggles, "I really want to. But my parents are literally on the other side of this wall. I don't think we should r-risk it."

I stop kissing her and pout. "I think we can be quiet."

"Do you? We d-don't have the best track record."

I sit up in front of her and pull my shirt up above my breasts. Her face glazes over at the sight of them. That's never going to get old. I guide her hand to caress my bare skin. She watches in silence while her hand fondles me and I moan softly as it does.

She weakly says, "Y-you don't play fair…"

I pull my shirt back down and push her hand away. "You're right. I should let you think clearly."

She thinks for a moment. "I th-think we can, but we need to get away from this wall and be super quiet."

I smile at her and take my shirt off, "Well, you know I'll do whatever you say. And let you do whatever you want with me. However you want to do it."

Akari's jaw drops making me giggle proudly, "How are you this sexy? I don't think any p-person with a pulse could say no to you. I think if you said that to me with your top off on day one of this flare I w-would have gone for it. My fatigue and pain would disappear."

I laugh, "Okay…I'll try that out next time. Maybe we will make a major medical breakthrough."

She smiles, sits up, takes her own top off and then embraces me while we kiss passionately. She breaks the kiss and says, "Is it bad that even if your body can cure pain and fatigue…I w-want to keep it all to myself?"

I laugh, "You don't want other people seeing me like this, huh?"

"N-no. Then I'd have to compete with the whole world."

I feel my face flush. "Well, even if that were true…I would still choose you. I don't want anyone else. Ever." I smile at her. "Do you…remember the first time you said that to me?"

She blushes now. "The v-very first time…we had sex. That's embarrassing. I'm lucky you didn't run away."

I giggle. "I liked it. We've…both felt this way for so long."

Akari smiles, "We have." She thinks for a moment. "I have an idea of how we can make love without worrying about my p-parents."

I smile, "Sounds good to me."

She stands up and says, "Get up off the bed."

After I dutifully do what I am instructed, she takes the comforter off of the bed and takes it to the restroom on the far side of the room. She spreads it out on the floor. She turns on the shower.

Then she comes back for the pillows and takes my hand and guides me to the bathroom where I lie down on the makeshift futon.

"Is it comfortable?"

Well…not exactly. It's certainly more comfortable than the bare floor, but still harder than would be ideal. But who cares about comfort right now?

"Y-yeah…it's good. Now come down here and show me how glad you are that I'm gonna be yours…forever."

…

We're snuggling on the bathroom floor, both sweaty from our amorous activity. But neither of us seems to care, as we continue holding each other as close as possible.

I outstretch my arm and look at my new ring. "This was…a really great trip. I know you were really sick and stressed at the start…but it went great."

She smiles, "It was. You and my p-parents finally confessed to each other" I poke her playfully in response to her characterization of those events. She giggles before continuing, "My audition w-was good, we had fun, and we got pre-engaged."

I laugh, "Is that what we're calling it?"

"Yeah. Why not? That's k-kind of what it is."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Should we g-go get in our actual bed?"

I laugh, "Yeah. We should probably sleep in a real bed before our flight tomorrow. No first class this time."

---

We just reached cruising altitude on our flight back to Japan. I was definitely spoiled by first class on my way here. Now I'm crammed into a normal seat. I'm seated next to the window, with Akari in the middle and Mrs. Yoshida in the aisle. Mr. Yoshida is seated on the other side of the aisle.

Mrs. Yoshida asks, "When are you two returning to Yamaku?"

"In three days, unfortunately. My grandparents just moved in with my mom and we want to help if we can."

She nods, "That's right. Do you still want to meet my colleague before you go?"

"Sure, if it's possible."

Akari looks confused. She hasn't been filled in on this.

"Your mom thinks she found a guy that might be a good fit for my mom."

Akari smiles, "Oh." But then she frowns. "Didn't she say she w-wasn't ready?"

"She did. But I'm curious about this guy. And if he's really great…it might be nice to know he's out there for when she is ready."

Akari nods. "D-doesn't hurt to get a look at him."

Mrs. Yoshida says, "I'll try and think of a way to set that up where it isn't overly obvious that you are assessing him."

"Sounds good."

Akari says, "Is Shizuka going to take us back when we go?"

"I don't think so. It's a lot to ask and she may not even be able to get a car."

"That's true."

I smile at her, "You like her, don't you?"

"W-well yeah, because you do. I'm also getting antsy about your birth father and thought if she drove us…maybe you'd get a chance to talk about it."

"Really? I guess I am a little too…I just don't know if I want to make her tell me that story."

"Yeah…that's true. You're m-more patient than me."

I sigh, "I probably have given her enough time…and gotten to know her well enough. I guess I'll ask soon."

Mrs. Yoshida says, "Excuse me…I'm not normally nosey, so my apologies...but my curiosity has been piqued. …what story are you talking about? Shizuka is your birth mother, right?"

"That's right." I tell Mrs. Yoshida how Shizuka got pregnant at 14 and then had to put me up for adoption because of my condition.

By the end Mrs. Yoshida looks as close to tears as I've ever seen her. And she's silent.

"M-mom?"

She clears her throat, clearly fighting back tears. "Sorry…that's just, very sad. If…we had to give you up because we couldn't afford to care for you…even if it was the right thing…" She trails off.

Akari takes her mom's hand. Something I've never seen before. Akari smiles at her and her mom smiles back.

"Th-thank you…for everything you did for m-me. For everything you do for me. You are a g-great mom."

Mrs. Yoshida looks a little sad when she says, "Of course, Akari. I would do it all again." She looks at me and changes the subject.

"A-anyway…I think your birth father sounds…like a jerk. For lack of a better word."

I laugh at hearing her use such an unsophisticated insult, "Yeah…that story doesn't put him in a good light…that's for sure. I may decide not to meet him. I dunno. But I do know that I need to get the whole story."

Mrs. Yoshida nods, "I suppose that's fair. We all make mistakes when we're 16. It's unfortunate his was so…big. But maybe it shouldn't be held against him."

Akari laughs, "D-did you make a mistake at 16? It's hard to imagine y-you making mistakes."

Her mother frowns and has the same sad look on her face that I saw a moment ago, "I've made mistakes as an adult. Mistakes you…unfortunately know all too well. So…of course I made them at 16."

After some silence she looks at Akari and says, "You thanked me for being a good mother a moment ago. But…I don't deserve that. Not…all the time, anyway. Not for…some of the things I've said to you, Akari."

Akari tears up a little, "I-it's okay, mom."

I add, "Yeah. You're doing great with all of it now."

She smiles at me, "I think…you were a big part of that. You said some things that really made me realize I wasn't doing my best. That I needed to try harder to understand Akari. That I needed to be more patient. You were of course wrong to think I didn't care about Akari, but the fact you could even think that…it was a wake-up call."

Akari hugs her mother, prompting a smile out of her. Then she says, "Y-you are always a good mother. We're just very different and it is hard sometimes. I-it's okay you make some mistakes. It doesn't mean you were ever a bad mom."

Mrs. Yoshida takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, and I see a single tear go down her cheek. "Th-thank you…Akari. I love you."

"L-love you too."

I feel a little left out, but the logistics of being seated on an airplane don't really allow me to join in the hug.

But that's okay. Just seeing such a sweet moment between them is more than enough.

[guthrum06]

"Okay, so here's what I came up with. First, you're my daughter's girlfriend."

"Um…okay. I think I can pull that off."

Akari, her mother and I are at the Yoshida house. We're plotting out a way for me to meet this guy who is apparently a good fit for my mom.

"Oh, hush. I'm just telling you that's the same. The rest…kind of isn't."

"I have to play…a role?"

"Well…yes. Unless you actually want to study English. You don't, right?"

I'm slightly tempted to say yes just so she'll praise me. That's pretty pathetic. She loves me now!

"Um…no. But...even if I did, why would I need to meet him?I would have you as a mentor, wouldn't I?"

"Well, you have to be interested in his era of English literature."

Oh God.

"...which is?"

"Old English."

"I…don't even know what that is."

"My husband and I can brief you on it. It's early medieval English. You've heard of Beowulf, right?"

"...no."

She takes off her glasses and pinches the bridge of her nose.

Well…this feeling is the opposite of praise. Great.

Akari chimes in, "Can't we just…invite him to d-dinner?"

Mrs. Yoshida stares at me for a moment and then blinks several times. "That…would be easier, wouldn't it?"

This makes Akari and I giggle. "Sounds like it. I don't have to pretend I'm something I'm not or…get a briefing on Bio-wolf or whatever."

"It's Beowulf."

"R-right…that."

She puts her hand to her chin as she thinks. "He is a new faculty member. It wouldn't be strange for a colleague to have him over for dinner with the family. And you just…happen to be here because it's summer and you're my daughter's girlfriend."

I laugh, "Yep. Much easier just going with reality."

She frowns and looks a little embarrassed.

I've seen a much more vulnerable side of her lately. It's pretty cute. If she ever knew I thought that I'd be dead, though.

"I really over-thought this. I was thinking I needed to conceal who you are. But you're right. It isn't like he knows you or your mom."

---

Tonight we are meeting Mrs. Yoshida's colleague. I'm nervous about it, and also feel a bit guilty to be doing this behind my mom's back. I know she isn't ready, but it's pretty hard to turn down an opportunity to meet a guy that is apparently so well-suited for her.

The doorbell just rang, and Mrs. Yoshida greets our guest and welcomes him in. Akari and I go to the entryway to greet him too.

The man who walks in the door is really good-looking. He's tall with wavy light brown hair and brown eyes. He has adorable dimples when he smiles. He also happens to be in incredibly good shape. In addition to running he must lift weights or something. His blue button-down shirt is really tight on his arms and across the chest. If he flexes, it seems like it might tear. All in all, Mrs. Yoshida labeling him as a 'most eligible bachelor' makes sense. He's definitely got the same level of fitness as my mother, which is a rare thing for someone in his late 50s.

Time to start a mental checklist.

On my mom's level in fitness and attractiveness: Check

He smiles at me. I feel myself blush a little when I smile back.

That's embarrassing. He's like 40 years older than me. Let's hope Akari didn't notice. Oh God, he's approaching us with Mrs. Yoshida. I hope my blush isn't too obvious.

Mrs. Yoshida says, "Professor Inoue, This is my daughter Akari, and her girlfriend Kayoko."

He smiles at both of us. "Hey there. Nice to meet you." He looks at Akari and loudly whispers, "Is your mom as scary at home as she is at university?"

Mrs. Yoshida sighs, "I heard that, you know."

He smirks at her, "Oops."

Same playful energy as my mom: Check

Akari giggles and nods. "She can be. But I usually d-deserve it."

He chuckles, "Yeah, me too."

"Well…I suppose I'm glad you both think I'm fair. Not sure I love being called 'scary' though."

Dr. Inoue looks at me. "What do you think, is she scary?"

Caught off guard, I stammer, "Um…of c-course not."

Mrs. Yoshida laughs softly, "You could have tried to sound a little more convincing, Kayoko."

"Well…I was under pressure! I…used to think you were scary. B-but…I don't now. Mostly."

Professor Inoue chuckles, "Sorry, asking the girlfriend was probably bad manners. I put you in a bad position."

I smile, "That's okay. She loves me, so I'll be fine."

Mrs. Yoshida says, "Love does have its limits, Kayoko."

I pout at her, "My love for you doesn't." This gets a laugh out of Professor Inoue.

Mrs. Yoshida sighs, "I'm going to help my husband in the kitchen. You three have fun being silly together."

Professor Inoue laughs and calls after her, "I think we will!"

The three of us go to the living room and take a seat. He says, "I hope I didn't get you in trouble, Kayoko."

I laugh, "I'll be fine. A few months ago, I would have been really worried, but not anymore."

"That's good. So, how old are you two? At university?"

"N-not yet…almost. We have examination hell, first."

He winces, "My condolences. Do you go to high school in the city?"

I consider leaving out the disability side of things, but seeing how he responds to that is useful.

"No. We go to a boarding school near Sendai for disabled students."

He is surprised by the answer, and he looks at the brace on my wrist for a moment.

Then he confidently says, "Yamaku Academy?"

Akari and I look at each other in shock, as if trying to confirm what we just heard. It isn't exactly a well-known school. He notices our surprise.

He chuckles. "My older sister went there."

"Really!? Both my parents went there too. They might have known her."

He thinks for a moment. "She graduated in….2007, I think."

"That's when my parents graduated!"

He laughs, looking a little surprised himself. "That's wild. Her name is Naomi."

I get out my phone, "I'm going to text my mom to see if she knew her. This is crazy."

I send my mom a text asking if she knew a Naomi Inoue.

"Is it…rude if I ask about your disabilities?"

"To some people. Not really to us, though."

Akari nods, "I have lupus." He nods, indicating he knows what it is.

I'm kind of jealous sometimes that she has a more well-known condition. That's all she has to say for many people.

"My joints get dislocated really easily. That's why I have these braces." I show him the one on my right wrist.

"Gotcha. My sister has epilepsy. So, she needed a place that would be flexible about that."

I smile, "Yep, that's Yamaku."

My phone buzzes so I check my message. I relay its contents.

"My mom says she didn't know her very well. She was in my dad's class, though."

He gets a mischievous glint in his eye, "That's pretty cool. Would be fun to pick your dad's brain about her back then. I could always use some more dirt."

I frown, "Um…my dad passed away a few years back. But I agree, it would have been fun."

He frowns, "Oh, shoot. I'm sorry."

Well, this is a downer.

I smirk at him, "Because you can't get any dirt on your sister?"

He laughs, "Well, that's not the main reason." Then he gets serious. "Hey, jokes aside, I'm sorry to hear you lost him. What was his name? My sister might want to send her condolences too if they were classmates."

"Hisao Nakai."

"Interesting. I recognize that name…can't quite place it, though."

Oh God, was his sister into my dad too?

"Really?"

My phone buzzes with a new text from my mom.

"Do you know…Hanako Ikezawa, by chance? My mom says she was close with Naomi."

He frowns, leans back in his chair and runs a hand through his hair. His playful energy seems to have been drained from him.

"I…do, yeah. She and my sister are still best friends."

Whoa. Either they used to date, or he's in love with her. That might complicate things.

On the bright side, between his sister's epilepsy and Hanako's scars, that means he…

Knows how to treat people with disabilities: Check.

He puts on a smile that seems a little forced, "I guess your parents knew her?"

"They did. Especially my dad. I actually met her a few months ago, we play chess online sometimes."

He looks impressed. "You must be good. She always crushed me."

That past-tense means they dated for sure. Or were married? I have so many questions, but I think I'm already pushing things here.

"Sh-she is. Within 20 minutes of meeting, they played an hour l-long game."

I scoff, "It sounds ridiculous when you put it like that!"

Akari giggles, "I'm not 'putting it' that way. It w-was a statement of cold hard fact."

I grumble, "Fine."

He laughs, "You two sound like an old married couple. It's pretty cute."

Akari smiles, "Th-thank you. We…hope we get to that point."

He nods, "I saw your rings. Engaged?"

"Not quite. Our parents want us to wait until after university. So, we are. They are promise rings. We call ourselves pre-engaged."

He laughs, "I like that."

Ooo...here's an opening.

"Have…you ever been married?"

Akari gives me some side eye.

Is it too obvious I am pumping him for information?

"Nope. Never have."

"Mrs. Yoshida told us you run marathons, that's pretty amazing."

He raises an eyebrow, "I…do, at least one a year. I really love running. It's the only thing in my life that rivals my love of Old English literature."

Loves running: Check

How is he this perfect for my mom? Well…apart from the nerdy part. But my dad was a nerd too.

"That's cool. Do you have any kids?"

His eyes narrow. "I've been interviewed a lot in my life. Comes with the territory in academia. Why do I feel like I am being interviewed now?"

Shit.

I am frozen in place. Unable to respond with my mouth hanging open.

Akari saves the day, "She's just n-nosey. She wants to know everything about people she meets. She'll stop if y-you're uncomfortable."

I bow my head. "Yes, I'm very sorry. I'll stop."

He studies me. He doesn't really look like he buys it. But he doesn't push back either.

"It's okay. No, I don't have kids."

After that, I steer clear of too many more obvious interview questions. I've gotten plenty of information already. We all have a nice dinner together, where he continues to be charming and funny. It really isn't hard to picture my mom and him together.

…

After Mrs. Yoshida sees him off, she sits down in the living room with me and Akari and asks, "So, what did you think, Kayoko?"

"I think he seems really well-suited to her. I wonder a little about never being married…but it's not a huge deal."

"D-do you think we could ask Ms. Ikezawa about him?"

A confused Mrs. Yoshida asks, "Ikezawa?"

"Um…she's…kind of a mentor to our friend Koji. Came to his graduation. Went to Yamaku with my parents. From how he reacted to her name…seems like they dated."

Mrs. Yoshida says, "An ex from many years ago is probably not very useful for us. People change, and it's unlikely she is objective."

"That's true. But some information might not hurt. If I could…find a way to bring it up with Ms. Ikezawa, I would. But we're acquaintances who play chess online. Not a whole lot of opportunities for a deep dive into her romantic history."

Akari laughs, "P-plus if you're going to be as obvious as you were today…"

I look down in shame, "Yeah…Today I learned I'm not good at being sneaky. Thanks for bailing me out."

She laughs and pats my shoulder, "You're welcome."

Mrs. Yoshida says, "Oh? Was he suspicious?"

I sigh, "Yeah…I probably shouldn't have hit him with so many personal questions so quickly."

Mrs. Yoshida smiles softly, "See? Maybe you should have learned about Beowulf."

I laugh, "I don't think pretending to be interested in the field he is an expert in would have helped the situation. I couldn't even play the role of 'Akari's girlfriend who happens to be here' without being suspicious. And that's literally the reality of the situation."

Akari giggles, "Y-you did fine. He just thinks you're the nosiest person on the planet."

"Yeah…could be worse I guess."

Akari says, "Well? What should we do? We all think he would b-be a good match for her."

I sigh, "Well, she's not going to respond well to us saying 'Hey, we found a guy you might want to date.' And…that's not even what I want. Not now. I just kind of want them to get to know each other a little."

Mrs. Yoshida says "So…get them to meet somehow?"

"Yeah." I look at Akari, "Hey, if we pass our Tokyo exam, we are coming to that orientation weekend in March, right?"

Akari nods.

"Well…we'll try and bring my mom along. See what happens."

Mrs. Yoshida thinks for a moment, "Those weekends are pretty crazy for faculty, so a dinner or something might be hard…but if all of you are on campus, I think I can find a way."

---

"Wow…this is…quite the student apartment…"

Akari and I are heading back to Yamaku tomorrow after our blissful summer vacation. Right now, we're visiting Koji and Hana at their place in Tokyo. They are giving us a tour.

Their apartment is probably four times the size of Daisuke and Kaito's. And only a little smaller than my family home. It has two separate bedrooms, a full Japanese bath, a massive living area and a nice kitchen.

Koji laughs, "I know. Our bedroom alone is the biggest space I've ever been able to call 'my home.' The poor orphan boy dating the wealthy girl has resulted in some culture shock on both sides."

Akari and I giggle, while Hana crosses her arms and glares at Koji playfully. "You know it's all good stuff."

He smiles at her, "It is. But some of it takes getting used to. Good or not. Like…it's hard for me to let your parents do this for us. Makes me feel weird."

She nods, "I know. But just look at it as making up for your parents. You deserve it."

He chuckles, "Yes, yes, you've used that line before. It does help a little."

I take a seat in the living room with Koji. Hana and Akari are brewing some tea and getting some snacks together for us.

"So, how's working with Professor Yoshida going?"

He smiles, "Really well. I'm loving it. I hadn't originally planned on this route, but I'm glad I'm doing English instead of Japanese. I'm enjoying it more, and there are lots more job opportunities in the end."

"That's good. Still haven't seen her scary side, I hope?"

He laughs, "Not directed at me. But I have seen it. Someone made the mistake of texting during her class. Let's just say…no one else has dared to step out of line since then. You've had that directed at you before, huh?"

I shiver involuntarily, "Yeah…just once." I laugh. "I guess it's the same, I haven't stepped out of line since."

"What did you do? I kind of have to know now."

Akari and Hana just joined us with tea and snacks.

"Wh-what does he want to know?"

I sigh, "He wants to know how I pissed your mom off that one time. He saw her go off on someone in class so he's curious."

Akari giggles and gestures for me to tell him, while Hana watches on eagerly.

"So, Kari had a concussion. And I was with her in the medical building. When her mom got there, I didn't like how she was talking to her or handling the situation, so I um confronted her and…told her she was an awful mother who didn't care about her daughter."

Koji raises his eyebrows, "Holy crap. That's way worse than texting. I'm surprised you survived."

I laugh, "Well…I almost fainted when she laid into me. So, it was close."

Akari adds, "B-but now…they love each other. My mom told Yoko in New York."

Hana smirks, "That's nice. Apparently, you two got cute nicknames for each other there too."

I laugh awkwardly and Akari blushes, but then we both nod.

"Yep, we did. And we're pre-engaged." I show them my left hand. Akari follows suit.

They both admire our rings for a moment. Then Koji says, "Pre-engaged, huh? That's a new one."

Akari giggles, "It…w-would have just been engaged, but my parents wanted us to wait. So…they are promise rings instead."

Hana smiles, "I was wondering when I saw those rings. You two always seemed so close and perfect for each other. But somehow that's even more true now, looking at you." Koji nods in agreement.

It's true, I do feel even closer to Akari. I guess making it through our huge fight and going on this trip really strengthened our bond.

Akari smiles, "Thank you…we are both really happy. Has b-been…a perfect summer vacation."

"That's nice. Ready for the hell waiting at Yamaku?"

I scoff, "Always the optimist, eh, Koji? Anyway…we are ready, yes. Or we will be."

Hana says, "I wish…there was some way we could help you two, like you helped us. You both want to come here, right?"

"Y-yeah, that's definitely plan A."

Koji smiles at me, "Hey, if you do come here, we could play chess every week again!"

"Yeah, that would be cool. You might finally get a chance to beat me."

He laughs, "Maybe."

Hana turns to Akari, "Do you miss the days when they had each other for games, and we didn't have to play?"

Akari smiles, "A little. But…I have l-liked learning and playing too."

"Jeez. I was looking for some solidarity. Instead, you made me look bad."

I giggle, "So you learned to play?"

"I did. After lots of begging. I managed to distracthim the first few times he asked. But eventually he wanted to play chess more than he wanted to have sex and I had to give in."

He clicks his tongue at her, "That's only…sorta true."

Akari laughs, "Y-yeah, which part isn't?"

Koji blushes, "W-well…I definitely like having sex with her more than chess. But you can only have so much sex."

Hana scoots close to him, and he puts his arm around her. In a silly voice she says, "You're so romantic. I didn't know you'd rather sleep with me than play chess."

We all laugh, and Koji says, "Well…I didn't think it needed saying."

---

"I'm sorry we took your room, Kayoko."

We're back in town now, and my grandparents are officially moved in with my mom. Akari and I have just been hanging out at the house and helping to get them settled the last couple of days.

I'm alone with my grandma now. We're sitting together in the living room. Grandpa is napping, and my mom and Akari went to the grocery store. My grandma just apologized about the situation for the twentieth time.

"Grandma…stop apologizing for that. I barely used it. I gave it to you willingly and happily. I'm very happy you live with mom now."

She frowns, "If…I hadn't had my fall…we would still have our own house. And you'd have a room."

I take her hand, "Are you unhappy about having to move?"

She sighs, "I would sound very ungrateful if I said yes, wouldn't I?"

"No. I'm sure this is hard. You've always lived on your own with grandpa."

She frowns, "That part only bothers me a little. What's worse is…feeling like a burden."

"Grandma…haven't we talked about this before? We love you. We want to help. That makes it impossible for you to burden us."

"I know…but your mother does too much for us. She needs a life of her own."

I kind of agree, but I can't say that in this situation.

"She wants to take care of you two as best she can, like she and dad always planned."

"I know." She sighs. "I'm happy she is. But…I really worry about her."

"What do you mean?"

"I think she's unhappy. More than she lets on. I see her sometimes when she thinks no one's looking, and she looks very sad…"

"Well…she misses dad."

"I know. We all do. I wish he was here. Then she wouldn't run herself so ragged for us." She sighs. "When I see her looking sad…it reminds me of Hichan, after he lost Saki."

"Well…it is a similar situation."

"It is…but I wish I could do something to help her. Is it strange that I would like to see her get out there more? Spend less time with us? Maybe even date?"

I laugh, "No. I feel the same. But she says she isn't ready."

"I suppose I understand. I just wish we could find her someone. Finding her is what helped Hichan."

"Can you keep a secret?"

She looks at me quizzically, "I…can."

"Well…Akari's mom has a new colleague who seems perfect for her. We met him in Tokyo. He's handsome, a little younger than her, a runner, and has her same silly sense of humor."

She smiles, "Really? Well…that's good to hear. Are you fixing them up?"

"Not…exactly. But we are going to have them meet at some point soon and see what happens."

"That's very promising."

"In the meantime, though, she loves you two. And she's very happy spending time with you, and helping you. I think doing that helps her cope with losing dad."

"It does?"

"Yeah. You're his parents. Loving you, helping you, it's kind of the closest she can come to doing those things for dad. So…you're not a burden. Taking care of you is good for her."

She looks down for a moment and then looks back up, "I'll…try to look at it that way." She takes my left hand in hers and admires my ring for a moment and then she smirks at me. "You know, two years ago you told us you wouldn't get married at 18 like your father did."

"Well…we aren't married. Or engaged."

She smiles at me a bit mischievously, "You are, in all but name, aren't you?"

I smile, "Yeah. We are."

She smiles back, "Well…like your father and Saki were, I think you two are right for each other despite your age."

I smile and feel tears gathering in my eyes. My mom has said before that maybe we're like them, but my grandma knows better than her. She really knew them at 18.

"You really think we're like them?"

She nods, "You two are wonderful together, and care for one another above all else. You…look at one another the same way they did. So…I'll tell you what I told him: 'You're young, but it's a love that will last a lifetime.' I can tell. After all…I found that sort of love myself, and saw my son find it twice."

Tears start spilling over my cheeks and I gently hug my grandma, who hugs me back. "Th-that…makes me so happy to hear. Thank you."

Just then, my mom and Akari come through the front door, laden with shopping bags. My mom sees me crying first, and calls for help, "Akari, she's crying again."

Akari smirks and says, "What h-happened? Did she tell you she loves you? Or maybe that she's happy to s-see you?"

I break the hug with my grandma and laugh and sniffle at the same time. Then I gather myself, cross my arms, and put on my best pout. "I might be a crybaby, but you two only cry a little less often than me. You aren't in a position to be so judgmental."

Akari sits down next to me and puts an arm around me, "I know, b-but I could tell they were happy tears and it's fun to tease you."

I look at my grandma, "Would you mind telling Akari what you just told me? Partly just so I can make this point, but also because I think she'll like hearing it."

My grandma laughs and repeats herself to Akari. Her reaction is almost identical to mine. Complete with the tearful hug.

If I'm being honest though, she did cry less than me.

[guthrum06]

It's the day before the start of my last Fall trimester at Yamaku. I just took a shower, and I see a familiar face on my way back to my room. I hesitate to say 'friendly face' because she has a frown on her face.

"H-hey…Kayoko."

"Hey Chisa, how was summer vacation?"

"It…was okay." She looks down. "Um…except…me an' Junichiro broke up."

"You…did?"

Shit. With everything that happened at the end of the trimester with me and Akari, and then our blissful summer vacation, I did not do a very good job of checking in on my friends.

"Yup. So…I probably won't see ya as much. It was cool hangin' out with ya guys."

I frown, "We liked having you around. I'm sorry you two didn't work out. I thought things were going really well…but I guess summer vacation is long. I'm…sorry I didn't really stay in touch."

She nods but looks like she wants to escape the conversation, "Well…I need to get back to a paintin'. See ya later."

I want to tell her we live on the same floor, and there's nothing wrong with her hanging out with us, especially in the dorm. But I don't know the whole story. I can't imagine she would cheat on him, or do something else really bad, but who knows?

---

At lunch the next day Junichiro is there alone. Before I can, Ai says, "No Chisa?"

Junichiro frowns and quietly says, "We aren't together anymore."

Ai punches her palm and scowls. "Does she need to have a meeting with The Enforcer?" She brandishes her comically tiny fist making us all laugh.

"No…she didn't do anything wrong. I did the breaking up." He sighs and looks down. "Maybe you should hit me, though."

Ai frowns, "Why? Did you do something bad?"

I intervene, "Of course he didn't." I look at Junichiro, who is staring at the ground and doesn't really seem to be backing me up. "Y-you…didn't, right?"

He shrugs, "I didn't cheat on her, if that's what you're asking. But, I know I hurt her. I…feel… awful about it. So, maybe I deserve a punch."

I reach over and put a hand on his shoulder, "Hey…I know it sucks, but sometimes it's right to break up."

He nods feebly.

"Yeah, it doesn't sound punchworthy. I'll put the Enforcer away." Ai lowers her fist and frowns, seeing how clearly upset Junichiro is.

Carsten says, "Are you…sure you should have broken up? You seem really upset for a guy who did the dumping."

This isn't a terrible time for Carsten's bluntness, I suppose. I was wondering the same thing but didn't want to say it.

He nods, "I'm sure. I just…didn't feel strongly enough about her. I didn't want to lead her on and only hurt her more later."

I smile at him and squeeze his shoulder, "See? That's the right reason to break up. I'm sure she's hurting now…but she'll be okay before too long."

He smiles at me and nods. It feels forced though, like he's just humoring me.

"Let any of us know if you need to talk about it, okay?"

He nods.

I think it's okay for me to ask this, given what I know now.

"Do you have any problem with her spending time with Kari and me? I just mean in the dorms every now and then. Not all the time…and not with you around. She's our neighbor, so…"

He smiles, this time it seems more authentic. "Yeah…that's fine. I want to be her friend too, when she's ready. I'm glad she'll still have you two."

…

Later that evening, Akari and I knock on Chisa's door. She opens it part of the way. Unsurprisingly, she's wearing a smock covered in paint.

She looks surprised to see us. "H-hey…everything okay?"

"Yeah we…just wanted to let you know, we still would like to be friends…if you'll have us."

She frowns, "But…Junichiro…"

Akari says, "W-we get not wanting to be around him. But he's never in this dorm, right? So we can hang out here sometimes. If you want."

She's silent for several seconds and looks unsure about things, so I say, "Okay…we'll leave you alone. Just…keep that in mind. It's an open invitation."

As we start to head back to Akari's room she says, "I…don't think I can take ya up on the invitation. Kayoko…you're his best friend. So…" She trails off, expecting me to understand what she means.

Hanging out with the best friend of the guy who dumped you definitely doesn't sound appealing. I hadn't looked at it that way.

"I understand."

"It does mean a lot that ya offered it, though. Thanks."

---

"How do we sign up to take our entrance exams here?"

Akari, Ai, Carsten and I are meeting with Ms. Hamada in the teachers' room for guidance counseling. It is one of her duties as our homeroom teacher. She was happy to get us all out of the way at once.

Examination hell is upon us. Our mock exams are next week, if we do well on those we are done with classes at Yamaku. If we don't, we have to do remedial classes. Then in January, we take the national placement exam here. After that, it's time for entrance exams in February and March, which are normally taken at the university.

Akari is very worried about all of it. I am too. But she's naturally a more anxious person. She's worried she'll have a lupus flare or panic attack at an inopportune time. There is a very real risk of that, but we have heard we can take our entrance exams here. That would help alleviate some of her concern. Obviously, things are easier for all of us if we don't have to travel.

Ms. Hamada smiles at us, "Cutting it a little close asking now aren't you?"

I know she's teasing. But from the look on Akari's face, she doesn't get it.

Ms. Hamada's eyes drift to Akari's concerned face and she frowns, "Sorry. Too stressful an issue to joke about. You have plenty of time."

Akari's face relaxes and she looks embarrassed. I take her hand and smile at her.

"So, all you need to do is get a letter from the nurse and/or your therapist about why taking the entrance exam here is better for you. If you have any problems, let me know."

Ai says, "Okay. That sounds easy enough. I'm in a wheelchair and I'm crazy. Pretty obvious. But I guess it's better coming from a medical professional, huh?"

Akari and I giggle while Cartsen shakes his head. Ms. Hamada stifles a laugh and nods. "Yes. A medical professional is the way to go. Once you have that letter, the school will go to bat for you with the university, and you'll take the test here."

Akari looks more relaxed now, "Okay…th-thank you."

"What exams are you four going to take?"

Akari responds, "W-we are all doing Tokyo. I'm also doing Toho Gakuen and Kunitachi."

Ms. Hamada nods, "All good Tokyo-based music schools?"

Akari smiles and nods. Ms. Hamada looks at me, inviting my answer.

I sigh, "I'm…still sorting it out beyond Tokyo. If I decide to do music education, I'll also apply to Toho Gakuen and Kunitachi…if science, Keio and Chiba."

"I see. If you want to do science, you should also consider Kyoto."

I shake my head, "I want to be in the Tokyo area. And there's enough options there."

Ms. Hamada smiles at me and then looks at Akari and back to me, "Fair enough. And you, Ai?"

"Tokyo, Keio, and Kyoto."

"You want to study…psychology, right?"

She nods, and Ms. Hamada smirks. "You know that's science right? And you never came to science club once? In three years?"

Ai looks embarrassed, "Sorry. I should have. I didn't realize I wanted to do it until recently."

She sighs, "It's okay. You want to study science at a university, I'll call it a win."

She looks at Carsten, "And you?"

"Tokyo, Sophia, and Keio."

She raises an eyebrow at him, "And what do you want to study?"

"Linguistics, I think. I want to be a translator."

She nods, "Ah, Sophia makes sense then. I don't hear students mention that one very often."

He sighs, "Yeah, it's where my parents most want me to go. They are pretty involved with the Catholic community in Tokyo, so they have some connections there. They can get a discount." He laughs. "I was really mad at them for pushing me in that direction, until I saw that they had great language programs."

She smiles, "You all sound like you know what you want to do." She looks at me, "...mostly, anyway. You're all good students, I'm sure you'll all get into at least one of your target universities. Let me know down the road if you want to talk any more about this."

…

We're eating dinner in the cafeteria after our meeting with Ms. Hamada, Junichiro has now joined the four of us.

"I still can't believe I haven't decided what to study. And now you all know exactly what you want to do. I felt less bad when only Kari knew."

Carsten says, "If it helps, I'm less confident than they are."

"Yeah…but you're way more confident than I am."

Junichiro says, "I haven't helped you decide on music education?"

I smile at him and pat him on the head, "Nope. I love teaching you. But…I also love science."

He nods, "I can't decide if I want to be an artist or a musician, does that help?"

I scoff, "You're a first year. And you already have it narrowed down to two things. Just like me right now. And I'm two years ahead of you. It doesn't help."

He frowns, "Sorry."

Akari puts her hand on my back. "Yoko, you still have plenty of time. Whatever you choose, y-you'll be great."

I smile at her and give her a quick kiss, "Thanks."

Ai smiles ear to ear, "God, you two are the cutest thing ever. Came back from summer vacation pre-engaged and calling each other special names. Six weeks ago it didn't look good…now you're closer than ever." She pokes Carsten, "Maybe we need to have a big fight."

His eyes narrrow, "Well, we might have one now, because you're making it sound like we aren't close enough. Do you seriously think that?"

Ai looks down and pokes at her food. "N-no. Sorry. It was just a joke."

He looks at her with skepticism. "Are you sure? It isn't like you to get this flustered when it's just a joke."

Ai plays with her braid, "There's…maybe a tiny kernel of truth, I guess. Can we…talk about this when we're not in front of everyone?"

He nods, "Yeah…sorry babe. We'll talk about it later."

Akari and I exchange a concerned look. I don't think either of us thought our promise rings or having love names for each other would be this big of a deal to them. But…I guess we did take a big step. Maybe Ai wants Carsten to do the same.

"Well…Junichiro and I need to go do his lesson. It'll be the last one for a while because of mock exams, so I thought we'd get started a little early."

He nods and the two of us get up and return our trays before heading to the performing arts center. Junichiro looks very happy to be saved from the awkward situation. I feel a little bad leaving Akari, though.

…

When I get back to my room after Junichiro's lesson, I find Akari in my room studying at my desk in her pajamas. We have both desk chairs in here, as we've been studying a lot more and later into the night for mock exams.

She greets me with a frown, "Hey, thanks for leaving me alone w-with those two."

I chuckle awkwardly, "We…really did need to go."

She sighs, "I know. I should have left too."

"Did it get worse?"

"No, just awkward. W-we all just sat silently. Talked a little about studying this week."

"That's…weird that even Ai wasn't talkative."

Akari frowns, "D-did you notice…she is applying to Kyoto? I didn't know that until today. He's doing all Tokyo universities…she isn't."

"You're right." As I change out of my uniform and into my pajamas I ask, "Do you think they are in trouble?"

"I don't know. I got swept up in our s-stuff…didn't do a good job of keeping in touch the last few weeks."

I sigh, "Yeah. I did the same thing with Junichiro and Chisa."

She gets up and hugs me from behind just before I put my top on. Her arms are around my stomach and her head is on my back. "If they break up, we have to try like hell to g-get them back together. Like they did for us."

"Agreed. We'll do whatever we can. Hopefully we can keep it from happening to begin with."

"Y-yeah."

I find myself really wishing Akari's hands would move a little higher. Or lower.

I put on my best seductive voice and say, "Should I finish putting my shirt on?"

Akari gives me a squeeze, sighs and lets me go. "Unfortunately, yes. We need to study. If y-you don't have a shirt on, I don't think we will."

I giggle and put my shirt on before turning around and giving her a quick kiss. "Examination hell is serious stuff if it's making us have less sex."

Akari sits down at the desk and frowns, "I know. I'm sorry. M-maybe if I wasn't so anxious I c-could study less, b-"

I interrupt her with another quick kiss and then say, "No saying you're sorry for your anxiety, remember? I wasn't complaining. Just noting it is one of very few things that slows down our sex life. Besides, we do need to study."

She nods and I sit down in the other desk chair. We study until late, and then have a nice wholesome snuggle in bed until we fall asleep.

---

Someone's pounding on my door. I groan and roll over to get my phone. It's 5:30 a.m. I dial campus security on my phone and then say, "Who is it?"

"I-it's me…sweetie."

My mom?! This is not good.

"J-just a second!"

Akari and I are both naked. Last night we felt confident enough about our exams and pent up enough that we made love for the first time since the trimester started.

I quickly put on some panties and a t-shirt. Then I put a hand on Akari's shoulder and gently shake her.

"My…mom is at the door. It's early. It isn't good."

She looks sleepy at first, but once she opens her eyes, sees my serious face and processes my words, she wakes up quickly.

"O-okay."

I hand her one of her tops. "Just put this on and you can stay in the bed." She nods and does what I asked.

I open the door and find my mom with a pained look on her face. She is wearing her running outfit, complete with her blades. It is a strange sight in the dorms.

"Mom…what's wro-"

Without letting me finish, she squeezes past me, enters the room and sits on the bed.

She bows her head and says, "M-my mom…p-passed away this morning."

Akari lets out a little whimper and starts crying and my mom joins her. I sit down next to my mom and put my arm around her. She leans into me and cries into my shoulder, while my own tears begin their journey down my cheeks.

I knew she was old and had dementia but somehow I hadn't considered this as something that was going to happen soon. She was still living at home and everything. Her health was fine apart from the dementia. She was such a good grandma. I'm really going to miss her.

Once we've all run out of tears and I can think clearly, I ask "What happened?"

Through her sniffles, my mom forces the words out. "She…had a heart attack. Sho knew the moment it started…and he called for an ambulance and did CPR, b-but when they got to the hospital…she had already passed."

I hug my mom tight, unsure of what I can possibly say to help her.

Now she's lost both of her parents and her husband. I'm not supposed to let myself think of the universe as unfair. But it's hard not to right now.

She continues, "I…wish I had spent more time with her. I spent so much energy on your dad's parents…they are older. I…I thought I'd have more time with her…""

"Me too…but you did your best. What did you tell me after we lost dad and I said that? Grief is enough…don't add guilt to the mix."

She smiles slightly, "Wise words from a wise woman."

"Are you…doing okay?"

Akari looks at me incredulously. I guess I don't blame her. It sounds like a stupid question. My mom knows what I mean though. Akari will too in a minute.

She sniffles, "I…think so. I've managed to hold on to reality and not have a breakdown. You know…apart from showing up here in the middle of the night."

"That's good."

She nods, "I am sorry for…showing up here like this. I was on my run when Sho called…and I was closer to here than to home…so I just came…it's kind of a blur."

"Sh-shut up, Emi."

My mom looks at Akari with raised eyebrows.

"Y-you don't need to be sorry. This is something you wake people up for. We love y-you and your mom and w-want to be here for you"

My mom smiles at her and outstretches her hand, and Akari gives it to her.

"How is Sho?"

She starts tearing up again, "He's…okay. They had to admit him…he collapsed at the hospital. Tests were all good so…it was probably shock and grief. B-but…he sounded okay on the phone….all things considered."

"Okay, let's go see him. He needs us."

"I am going to, but not you two…mock exams are tomorrow…"

Akari scoffs, "We've overprepared thanks to m-my anxiety, and even if w-we weren't, one more day of studying isn't going to make a difference now."

I am surprised to hear her say this. What she's saying is true of course, but her anxiety doesn't always respond to reason. She always says helping someone she cares about can trump her anxiety. That must be what this is.

Akari gets out of bed and pulls my mom to her feet, "Let's go."

My mom's cheeks turn red and she averts her eyes when she notices Akari doesn't have anything on but a top. Akari looks down at herself, turns bright red, and pulls the comforter off the bed and uses it to shield her nudity. I just barely manage to suppress a giggle.

"S-sorry…"

My mom laughs which is nice to hear right now, "It's alright. I barged in here after all. I will just um…head back down the hill and get the car, while you two get ready."

I give my mom another big hug, and she returns it, and then she leaves the room.

Akari looks up at me and says, "H-how are you?"

"Okay, I guess…this sucks…seems like by now people shouldn't have heart attacks anymore…"

Akari hugs me and says, "I'm gonna miss her."

I hug her back and we both let out a few more tears. But I pull myself together quickly. "My mom is going to be back pretty quickly, so we better get ready."

…

"So…do you two always sleep naked, or…?"

My mom certainly seems like her usual self. I suppose this subject is a nice distraction for all of us.

The three of us are in the car on the way to the hospital in Sendai.

Akari is now bright red and looks at me, as if there is some way for me to make this question go away.

I sigh, "Not always. Sometimes."

My mom smirks, "Oh, I see.".

I want to tell her to change the subject, but right now that would mean talking about this situation, and she's clearly trying to distract us and herself. I think I'll lean into that, even if it is a little embarrassing.

"If it's late when we make love, we usually fall asleep after without getting dressed."

Akari pokes me in the ribs while my mom cackles at the information I just shared, "Yes, I think that's quite common."

I sigh, "That's your way of saying that's what you and dad did, isn't it?"

My mom smiles, "Yep! Until you came along. Then we had to make sure to get dressed no matter how tired we were. Kids are a real bummer, let me tell you."

Akari laughs, hnderstanding now what we are trying to do. "Th-that makes sense…I am sure Kayoko appreciates that you were clothed."

"Oh, I do. I don't appreciate being called a bummer though."

My mom giggles, "Well, you were a bummer that was very much worth it."

"Gee, thanks."

My mom sighs, and her playful mood leaves her in the same instant. I guess she couldn't distract herself any more. The mood in the car becomes gloomy even before she starts speaking.

"I'm very sad I lost my mom and I'm going to mourn her. I've already started. But…right now I am more concerned about Sho, because…I can actually try to do something for him…unlike my mom."

"I know. We'll do everything we can to help you."

She smiles, "I know you will…" Her smile falters. "I know how he feels…I remember it every day…how it felt…that morning. It's how he's feeling now. I hope I can do something for him."

…

We are following a nurse who is taking us to Sho's room. When we enter, I hardly recognize the man in the hospital bed.

For the first time I can remember, he isn't smiling. This man always has a smile on his face, even when he's being serious. If you didn't know him, his neutral face right now wouldn't be anything to be concerned about. But for us, it's a heartbreaking sight.

When he sees us, his eyes brighten a little. But still no smile.

"Hey, Emi, hey girls."

His voice doesn't have its usual playfulness either.

My mom says, "Hello, Sho." Then she approaches him and gives him a hug, which he returns with his arm that isn't hooked up to an IV.

When they break the hug, my mom says, "How are you feeling?"

In a monotone voice he responds. "I'm fine. They are just giving me these fluids and going to send me on my way."

"Good. I don't need to ask how you're doing mentally…but just know the three of us are here, if you need us."

He nods. "Thank you."

"Have you given any thought to where you'll go?"

"Where? My home."

My mom nods. "Okay. Well, we can take you there of course. But I have a proposal."

"I'm not going to stay with you, Emi. You don't need that on your plate. I'm a big boy, I'll be fine."

She nods, "There wouldn't really be room at my house anyway, but there are still a few months lease on the house the Nakais were renting, and they aren't using it."

"No thanks."

My mom nods, seeming unwilling to push the matter further.

Akari and I approach him and I give him a hug and say, "I-if you decide you need to get out of that house, though…even just a little while…the invitation is open. So, just let us know."

He sighs and smiles ever so slightly, "A two-pronged attack, huh?"

I shrug, "I guess so."

Akari hugs him and says, "I th-think you should consider it too."

"Now three?"

My mom laughs, "How can you say no to their cute little faces?"

He sighs, "Fine. A few nights…somewhere else would do me some good." His usual smile makes a brief appearance on his face. "I expect to be fed of course."

My mom smiles, "You drive a hard bargain, Sho. But how can I refuse?"

He looks at my mom with sad eyes and she returns a tearful look of her own. Sensing what's coming, Akari and I get out of the way, and the two embrace each other, IV be damned.

"I love you Sho, okay? You've been in my life longer than anyone but…m-mom. You helped teach me to walk again. You made my mom very happy for more than 40 years. The least I can do is take care of you for a few days."

"I love you too. Even when you're stubborn and bossy."

My mom breaks the hug and scoffs, "That was the best you could do? After what I said?"

He shrugs, "Gimme a break. I've been through a few things today, if you haven't heard."

She sighs, "I suppose I'll give you a pass." She pulls a chair close to his bed and holds his hand. They stay that way until he gets discharged a couple of hours later.

…

When we get back to town, we help my mom clean up a bit at the rent house, but after that she drives us home, insisting we study.

Once we're on campus again, we join Carsten and Ai and study in the library for a few hours. But we have a hard time focusing and by 8 pm we are entirely spent. We had a long day.

We just got into bed for the night. We're in my room, and we both have the events of this morning on our minds more than our exams.

"I…didn't know all that about Sho and your mom."

"All what?"

"He…taught her to walk? He's known her s-since the accident? Since she was 11?"

"Oh…yeah. I know this stuff so well I forget you don't know the whole story. This is a good time to tell it."

I tell her that Sho met my mom and my grandma right after the accident and took care of my mom in the hospital while befriending my grandma. Then the three became close. Then, during my mom's last year at Yamaku, my grandma and Sho started dating.

Akari wipes away a few tears, "Wow. That's really sweet. I knew your mom and he were really close…but it makes more sense n-now. He was important to her even b-before he got with her mom. She must have been really happy when they got together."

This gives me a good laugh. Akari frowns. "She wasn't?"

"Nope! She was pissed. She…thought Sho was trying to replace her dad. Which of course, he wasn't…but this is my mom at 19 we're talking about."

Akari laughs.

"To be fair to her, it didn't help that they dated secretly for several months because they knew my mom wouldn't take it well. My mom only found out when she made a surprise visit home one weekend and found them…doing stuff on the couch. If they had been more open with her, maybe she wouldn't have been so pissed."

Akari grimaces, "Y-yeah…not a good first impression of them as a couple. That would make anyone mad…no m-matter how mature. How long did it take her to warm up to the idea?"

"Well…as I understand it, she pretended he didn't exist for about a year…"

"A year?!"

I laugh, "Yep."

Akari shakes her head, "Young Emi was s-something else. I wonder if we would be f-friends."

I giggle, "Unlikely. We aren't on the track team and we talk about our feelings way too much. She wasn't even really friends with Saki, my aunt, or my dad, remember?"

"B-but she knew them, right?"

"Well…yeah. She was the type that got along with everyone but…friends with no one. You've heard from her how she didn't get close to anyone."

Akari shakes her head in disbelief. "What would have happened if your dad hadn't come back to Yamaku?"

I frown and feel some tears welling up, "I don't know…I think…maybe she would be a very lonely, sad woman. Maybe she would have found her way on her own…but I don't know for sure. And…my dad may never have gotten his grief under control after losing Saki…and died in his 30s without my mom's fitness regimen."

Akari squeezes me, "S-sorry…I shouldn't have asked."

I squeeze her back and smile, "It's okay. Interesting to think about. I'm glad they found each other, that's for sure."

Akari kisses me, "M-me too. You p-probably wouldn't be here with me, otherwise."

I giggle, "I dunno. If I heard there was a hot French horn player up here, I would have made it my business to meet her, you know?"

Akari laughs, "How would you hear about that?"

"Well, you might not know this, but I've always had a thing for French horn players. Before I locked you down, I was stalking a bunch of them on social media. I would have found you and slid into your DMs." I give her a long, playful kiss. "What would you do then?"

Akari giggles, "Well, I would have looked at your pictures and seen you were gorgeous and then tried to s-sleep with you, obviously. And you would be d-down for it, French horn groupie that y-you are."

"See? We totally would have met. Hooked up and fallen in love."

Akari laughs, "I like our r-real story better."

I stroke her hair, "Yeah? What's our real story?"

"Y-you know it."

"Well yeah, but I want to hear you tell it. Tell it well enough and we can make love after our tests tomorrow."

Akari scoffs, "That's happening either w-way."

I fake gasp, "Excuse me. Are you saying I'm easy?"

Akari gives me a deep kiss and starts caressing my inner thigh. I do my best not to show how much I'm enjoying it, and how eager I am for more, otherwise my whole plan to get her to tell me this story goes up in smoke.

She breaks the kiss and whispers, "You are easy…for me."

As soon as she says those words I completely forget what we were talking about and pull her back in for a passionate kiss, which she pulls away from after a few seconds. "Whoa…hey, I have to tell you a story first. And we have to get up for a t-test tomorrow, remember?"

"O-of course I remember."

Akari giggles at obviously having me in the palm of her hand.

"So…our story. I r-ran into you one day…and you got hurt. I f-felt so bad I overcame my inability to speak to people to apologize to you. Y-you obviously thought I was really hot, and invited me to get a snack in the cafeteria…"

I laugh, "I obviously thought you were hot, huh?"

She shrugs, "I'm embellishing a little."

"I thought you were really cute when I first met you…I wonder sometimes if I just didn't understand what I was feeling." I put my hand on her cheek. "Because you're freaking beautiful. I don't know how there was ever a time when I didn't see that. Did you think I was hot the day we met?"

"I thought you w-were really pretty. But like you…I think I probably didn't fully get what I was feeling. I was even more unaware than you, p-probably. I hadn't even really had a friend before…much less r-romantic feelings."

"We were oblivious little 16-year-olds."

Akari smiles, "So like I said, you thought I w-was hot. Then we became really good friends. I fell in love with you but didn't think we could be together until one day y-you saw me naked and realized you wanted me."

I laugh in shame, "It is a little embarrassing how close to the truth that is…"

She giggles, "I dunno…I like it. That night when you confessed…and told me that seeing me naked was part of what made you figure things out…it w-was the sexiest I had ever felt."

I smile, "Good." I grab her butt. "You're the sexiest thing I've ever felt."

She smiles at me and looks deeply into my eyes, with a hint of sadness. "I love you so much, Yoko. It sucks you lost your grandma…the day before a big test too."

"I love you too. Thanks for spending almost the whole day with my family so close to the test, you were a big help."

"Was I?"

"Well…you definitely helped me and my mom just by being with us. And I think you got rid of the last of Sho's stubbornness about coming here."

"Good. I love your f-family. I want to help you and your mom and Sho how I can. I…know I didn't know your grandma as well…and that by the time I met her…she wasn't quite herself. B-but I loved her too, and I'll miss her."

I kiss her on the cheek with tears in my eyes. "You still knew her. She was herself most of the time. You saw plenty of the snarky tease in her."

She giggles, "I did see it. Your m-mom is a lot like her."

"She is. But don't tell her that…"

[guthrum06]

Ai, Carsten, Akari, and I are in the cafeteria for dinner. We just spent the day taking our mock exams.

I ask, "How does everyone think they did?"

Akari sighs, "I think I did well enough. I was c-caught off guard by some of the Japanese, though…"

Carsten sighs, "Seriously. There was way more on classical poetry than we thought…"

"Yeah…I don't imagine any of us did great on that part. We didn't spend much time on it. But it's a small thing in the total score…hopefully. We were prepared for everything else, right?"

The normally talkative Ai hasn't said anything. So, the three of us have just noticed that she is quietly picking at her food, and is staring blankly down at it.

Akari says, "E-everything okay, Ai? How did your exams go?"

She looks up, "Hm? Oh…those jerks put way too much poetry in there, so…I'm not sure…" She trails off.

She wasn't even listening…

She continues, "I am a little off my game today. I won't be surprised if I have to take one or two remedial classes."

"Off your game? Why?"

Carsten puts his arm around her and smiles at her, "I think it's time, babe."

She answers his smile with an annoyed expression. "What!? No. We just took a test for 8 hours…and…and…Kayoko just lost her grandma."

"I…don't know what you're talking about. And…we are really tired…but if we can help you feel better somehow, we want to." Akari nods, with a concerned look on her face that probably mirrors my own.

Ai sighs and glares at Carsten, "Did you have to say something in front of them today? I didn't want to do this when they are already stressed."

"Yes. Because we're both really struggling and we need their help. We wanted to wait until after the exams and they can already tell you're upset anyway know they'll help us feel a little better. So…I think it's time."

Ai looks conflicted but Carsten rubs her back to encourage her. It seems to work. She sighs and says, "Do you two want to join us for tea?"

…

The four of us are sitting in Ai's room, drinking tea around her card table. The mood is tense and quiet, neither of which are adjectives that I would normally use to describe our friend group. I feel very uneasy. From her face, I can see that Akari feels the same. Given how Ai looked in the cafeteria and the weight that Carsten placed on her asking us to tea, there's a lot more to this than just hanging out.

We don't know what to expect, and Carsten and Ai's demeanor isn't doing anything to ease our mood. They both look tired, worn down and kind of lost. Some of that's the mock exams I'm sure, but there's something else to it because they also look a little sad.

Akari tries to start a conversation and says, "Th-thanks for getting decaf tea for me."

Ai forces a smile, "Of course."

Back to uncharacteristic silence.

Now, I make an attempt at changing the mood, "Can you guys believe we might be done with classes?"

Carsten forces a smile and nods. Ai looks lost in thought.

"Guys…you're scaring me."

Akari takes my hand, "M-me too."

Carsten takes Ai's hand and smiles at her. She nods and quietly says, "I'm pregnant."

Did she say what I think she did? I look at Akari, to compare our reactions. She looks beyond surprised. So I heard that right.

What do I say here? Based on the mood…'Congratulations' doesn't seem to be right…I can't just sit here looking like an idiot, though.

"How far along are you?"

"Six weeks."

Akari asks, "H-how are you feeling?"

Ai frowns, "I have morning sickness. I feel normal other than that."

"What's your due da-"

Ai slams her tea cup down, startling me, "Look, we…we aren't sure…what we're going to do. We wanted to talk through it all with you two. So just… stop with these sorts of questions for now. Please."

I guess sitting here and looking like an idiot would have been better.

"Sorry."

Carsten puts his arm around Ai, and she leans into his shoulder and starts to tear up.

He says, "We've been really struggling with this the last couple weeks. We would really like your help…just talking it out. We don't know what to do."

"What options are you considering?"

Ai sits up and wipes her tears away, "All of them. We…haven't even managed to narrow it down."

"So…keeping the baby, putting it up for adoption, and…not having it are all on the table?"

Ai and Carsten both nod feebly. They look so lost. This is so complicated. I don't blame them for their uncertainty. Or Ai for being distracted and having a hard time with exams.

Akari says, "So…if you kept the baby. Wh-what would happen?"

Ai sighs, "We wouldn't go to university. We'd move in with my parents for a while."

Carsten adds, "I'd get a job right after graduation."

I frown, "You both found what you wanted to study. You were so excited…"

Ai nods, "That's…why we're not sure what to do." She puts her hands on her stomach. "If we could have this baby… and keep it and go to university, we'd do it in a heartbeat."

Akari says, "Th-there's no way you can do that? I mean…wh-what if your parents helped or something?"

Carsten shakes his head, "They could help some for sure, but neither of us has a family that can handle all of that. Even if they took care of the baby, the cost…would be too much. We would need an income, even living with Ai's family."

"B-both of you are open to doing all that?"

Ai nods, "We haven't ruled out doing it." She smiles and looks at Carsten. "The idea of us…having a family, is something we both really like." She sighs. "But every option has a big downside."

"If you…d-decided not to have the baby, you have the opposite."

Carsten frowns, "Yeah. We'd…get the lives we planned on after school, but no baby."

"Y-your family is Catholic, right?"

Carsten nods, "Yeah…my parents would never know…if we did that."

I say, "And if you did adoption…you'd still have to go through a whole pregnancy, but after that…go to university?"

Ai nods, "That would be the plan, yeah."

Akari asks, "Wh-what makes you unsure about that option?

Carsten responds first, "Well…it's our baby…something we really wanted one day. Giving that up after going through it all…"

Ai interjects, "After I go through it all."

"Yes, babe. But…I'll be going through stuff too, you know. Just not physical."

"Yeah, yeah. I know." She holds his hand and they smile at each other.

Ai turns back to us and says, "And…that's what makes the other option hard too. We want to get married one day. We want to have kids one day. We've talked about all of it. So…throwing this opportunity away is hard, even if it's off schedule."

I sigh, "This is a complicated decision. Jeez."

Carsten chuckles, "Gee, thanks, Kayoko. Glad we have you here to help us." We all giggle, which I think is cathartic for all of us right now.

Akari says, "L-listening to you two talk…it s-sounds to me like you want to keep it more than you don't want to."

Ai raises an eyebrow, "Does it?"

"Yeah. I mean…there is a big downside to it for sure. B-but…when I hear the regret in your voices about not going to university…it isn't as pronounced as it is about not keeping this baby."

Carsten and Ai look at each other in silence, while I think back on everything and get ready to weigh in.

"I think she's right. Maybe it doesn't reflect how you always feel, but…tonight, it sounds like you would be upset about not going to university. But…giving up this baby sounds like it would be devastating."

Carsten and Ai are still looking at each other thoughtfully.

"I can also say…about the adoption side, that giving me up devastated my birth mom for two decades. It's anecdotal, but…"

Ai looks at Akari and I, "Thank you…both of you. Getting an outside opinion from our best friends was…a big help."

Carsten nods, "I don't think we're ready to pull the trigger but…you do have us leaning in the direction of keeping it. Right, babe?"

She nods, "Yep. And we weren't leaning anywhere before now. At least…not consciously. So thanks."

Akari says what I'm thinking, "You two communicated all that just by l-looking at each other?"

Ai laughs and says, "Yeah. You two can't do that?"

I laugh, "Maybe a little, but not with something this big, I don't think. You were thinking you two weren't close enough recently, but I think you definitely are."

Ai frowns, "Yeah…that was the day I started to think I was pregnant. I hadn't told Carsten yet and I was having a…minor freak out about things, let's call it."

"It's amazing you both stuck to studying and exams with this going on."

Carsten laughs, "Your grandma passed away yesterday. You're pretty amazing too."

"Yeah…I guess."

Akari lets out a loud yawn and I giggle. I put my hand on her shoulder. "I better get this one to bed."

Ai raises her eyebrows and suggestively says, "To bed you say?"

She seems more like her normal self now. That's a relief.

Akari blushes, "I d-don't think we have the energy for more than sleep. Been…an eventful couple of days."

Ai says, "You two are lucky. You don't have to worry about getting pregnant. We…were careful, and it still happened. For you two…there's no chance of it happening."

I cross my arms and snap at her, "I don't agree that I'm lucky that we can't have a baby together…I…would want to…one day…if we could."

Akari looks at me with surprise. I'm a little surprised at this myself. I didn't know I felt that way, until just now.

Ai grimaces, "Shit, you're right. I shouldn't have said that. Sorry. I hadn't looked at it that way. That does kinda suck."

I uncross my arms and wave my hand dismissively. "It's okay. I shouldn't have snapped at you. You're going through something hard and…I know what you mean. It is nice that we don't have to worry about protection."

…

When we get back to my dorm room, we immediately get in bed. I'm exhausted. So exhausted it feels like going to the hospital in Sendai was a month ago and our exams were several days ago.

Thankfully, I think we're too tired to talk about the embarrassing thing I said earlier.

"So…y-you…want to have my baby, huh?"

Dammit.

I pat her on the head. "Shh…it's time for bed Kari, see you in the morning. Love you, night night."

She sits up, smirks and kisses me. "I…hope we can have a family together some day."

I sigh, "I want that too. I guess…our genes being what they are, it might be better that we can't get pregnant anyway. We'll adopt, I think."

She gets a little panic on her face and lays back down. "We can um… figure it out later, r-right?"

I giggle, "Right. This conversation freaking you out a little?"

She quietly says, "Just a little. Once you s-started talking about the specifics."

"Psh. You proclaimed that you wanted to be together forever the first time we had sex. While we were doing it. Six weeks into dating. I think you'll be okay."

She sits back up and frowns at me. "Did that freak y-you out? In New York you said you felt the same, when I said it…"

"it freaked me out a little. For about 20 seconds. Then I realized I felt the same."

She smiles and lays back down and snuggles into me.

"This is the same. I'm a little freaked out, b-but I want the same thing. Just…not for a while."

---

Akari and I just had dinner at my mom's. My grandparents turned in shortly after dinner. Now, we're in the rent house with my mom and Sho.

My mom just saw Sho's suitcase was out on the bed.

My mom sighs, "You're still trying to leave tomorrow?"

Sho frowns, "Emi…I need to. I need to get back home. Make arrangements. Talk to our friends. It'll be tough…but I'll be okay."

My mom shakes her head, looking sad. "Just stay…just a few more days. Okay?"

Sho frowns at my mom, "Do you need me to stay…for you? Do you need help?"

My mom looks at him for a moment and then nods slightly.

Suddenly, an idea occurs to me.

"Why don't you both go to Sendai?"

My mom looks at me like I just grew a second head. "What? I can't just…up and leave. I have work. And…your grandparents."

"You can take off work. And…" I look at Akari and she nods and smiles, knowing where I'm going with this. "Kari and I will stay at your house while you're gone and help grandma and grandpa. We don't get exam results for a bit, we don't really need to be back at Yamaku for a week. Aunt Chisato can give us a ride if we have to go."

My mom looks uneasy and uncertain.

"You two can work on…arrangements and all that together. I think you really need each other right now. Don't you?"

Sho smiles at me, "That's a good idea. It would help me…get used to being in the house without her. And…we can share the duty of…sorting things out. What do you say, Emi?"

She looks down and fidgets with her hands for a few seconds, then she quietly walks over to me and hugs me.

She sniffles, "You're so grown up, sweetie. Offering to help like this. I'm very proud of you."

I laugh, "Does that mean you'll go?"

She doesn't answer. Then she breaks the hug with me and then hugs Akari, "You're both grown up."

Akari giggles, "Thank you. A-are you going to answer the question?"

She breaks the hug and sighs, "Yeah, I'll go for a few days at least. You're right…I need it, and Sho does too." He nods.

"I'm sure your aunt and uncle will help if you need it, so don't hesitate to ask them."

---

"Is it…supposed to be this color?"

Akari looks in the pot and frowns at the unappetizing brown liquid. "I don't think so. It doesn't smell right either."

Akari and I are at my mom's with my grandparents. It's our second night here. We are making dinner. But…it isn't going very well. Neither of us has much kitchen experience other than helping our parents on occasion. This is the first time either of us has been entirely responsible for a meal. I thought I knew how to make miso soup and didn't look at a recipe first. It's a staple in Japanese kitchens and it's supposed to be easy. But…apparently it's not for us.

Luckily, we got some store bought rice balls, but I really wanted to be able to actually make something for my grandparents. But I may have to abandon my plan.

A delicate voice from behind us says, "Having trouble?"

My grandma just came into the kitchen and is looking at us with pity as she leans on her cane.

I put on a fake smile. "A little. But we're okay."

My grandma smiles, "I may be old, Kayo-chan, but I can still help in the kitchen. Old just means I have quite a bit of experience."

"But…we're supposed to be helping you. We'll figure it out. I had a lot of unearned confidence about this. I will look up a recipe now."

"Well…will you at least allow me to help in an advisory capacity?"

Akari whispers, "Doesn't sound like such a b-bad idea."

I sigh, "Okay. You can help. But you don't need to be on your feet. Kari will get you a chair."

She nods and brings a chair from the dining room, which my grandma thanks her for.

My grandma takes a seat and says, "Are you using miso stock?"

"No. My mom never does so…I thought I could do it the old fashioned way like she does. Probably a mistake."

"In that case, my guess is you put the miso in too early. You really only want to add it at the very end, after you remove it from heat and right before you serve it."

I nod, "Yep. That's it. You diagnosed that quickly."

She laughs, "It's a common mistake."

"Can I fix it?"

"You can let it cool down and then add more miso. That should be fine, because putting it in early results in much less flavor anyway."

I nod and remove the pot from the heat.

I frown, "I should have spent more time watching my parents in the kitchen."

Akari says, "M-me too."

I wave my hand at her, "You were sick all the time. You have a good excuse. I was just living a cushy lifestyle."

My grandma smiles, "Didn't Hichan like for you to play piano when dinner was being prepared?"

I smile. I had almost forgotten that. "Yeah, if I didn't have homework he usually asked me to play."

Akari smiles and says, "Th-that's a good excuse too."

I smile, "I guess it is. Begs the question though: what are we going to do about food next year? Hire Kaito as a private chef?"

Akari laughs, "We b-both need to learn to cook better. That's for sure. Luckily we have lots of people who can teach us. I think we'll avoid living on store-bought stuff."

My grandma smiles, "You will. It's not too difficult once you get used to it."

"This week will be a good way to improve our culinary skills."

My grandma nods, "I can help, if you need it."

I sigh, "Well, we almost ruined miso soup, so I've got a feeling we'll need some help. Thank you, grandma."

"No problem. How are you feeling, dear?"

"Um…a little down, of course. But…I'm okay. We're really glad my mom let us help."

My grandma smiles ear to ear, "Me too. It's nice seeing so much of you two. You're off to university soon, so it's wonderful to have some time."

…

Akari and I just got into bed for the night. In the end, our soup turned out pretty good. Only thanks to my grandma's intervention though. We made a schedule of what we'll be cooking next over the next few days. It's really been nice doing this sort of thing with Akari. We already live together of course, but planning meals and learning to cook together is some real grown-up stuff.

I am in a pretty good mood overall, but something my grandma said is nagging at me a little. We will go to university soon. They are in their 90s now. No matter how I look at it, I simply don't have that much more time with them. It should be obvious that's the case, but I hadn't thought about it this way.

"Yoko? Y-you okay?"

"Ah…yeah. Why?"

"Well…you're quiet and not really snuggling me. Neither are normal b-bedtime Yoko things."

I laugh and put my arm around Akari, whose arms are around my waist.

She nuzzles into me, "Th-that's better."

"Sorry. I was just thinking. Losing grandma Meiko…and seeing my dad's parents get older…just made me realize I need to cherish the time I have with them. It's…pretty limited."

Akari gives me a squeeze, "You're r-right. I…never knew any of my grandparents. It's b-been really great getting to spend time with yours. I'm doing my best to cherish it too."

"That's really great. I'm glad…you kinda get to experience having grandparents. They've all seen you as family since before we got together."

"I know…your family has always been so welcoming to m-me. Having your family here really helped m-me, during the hard times. So, I'm really happy to b-be in a place now where I can help them during a hard time."

I kiss Akari and look in her eyes and smile at her with a hand on her cheek. "You're so sweet to my family. And you fit right in. I think…it's one of the many things that made me fall in love with you."

---

Mock exam scores are going up today. The four of us who took them, plus Junichiro, are in Ai's room drinking tea and refreshing the webpage where they are about to appear.

Ai and Carsten are still leaning towards keeping their baby, but haven't made their final decision. Akari and I are still the only ones who know. I think they would very much like to be done with classes as it would make planning their lives a little easier. On the plus side, if they decide not to go to university, they don't really need to worry about entrance exams. Of course preparing to have a baby is probably even more stressful.

Junichiro was nice to join us. He's anxious in solidarity. If I'm done with classes entirely, I'll go back to teaching him piano, but probably only once a week as I prep for entrance exams. If I have to take remedial courses, his lessons might be over. So, these results could have some real bearing on his life, in addition to just wanting to be here for us.

The time the results were supposed to be posted has come and gone, so we're sitting in silence desperately waiting to see the list of student ID numbers and scores.

Suddenly Ai says, "Well…shit."

"They are posted?"

She sighs, "Yeah. I have supplementary lessons in Japanese and math. Great."

This is a little better than she was expecting. I have a feeling if I found out I was pregnant two weeks before exams I would have bombed all of them. I want to tell her that, but I can't with Junichiro here. I'll tell her later.

I pat her on the shoulder, "I'm sorry. At least it's still way less class?"

She nods, "I guess that's true."

Carsten clicks on his ID number and sighs, "Well…you'll have company in your supplementary lessons, babe. I'm in both of those too."

She smiles and kisses him on the cheek. "How romantic. We're both dumb."

We all giggle and then Ai says, "Okay, your turn," and hands Carsten's laptop to me.

I take a deep breath and click on my ID number and heave a sigh of relief when I see the results, "Looks like I'm done with classes. Barely met the threshold in Japanese, though."

Ai scoffs, "Yeah, whatever. None of us are surprised."

Now it's Akari's turn, and I can already see from her smile that she did well. "I p-passed them all too."

Junichiro says, "You all did great. I bet you'll do amazing on the national exam too."

Ai scoffs, "Carsten and I did okay. These two did great." She winks at me. "No more classes means a lot more time for se-..." Ai pauses and her eyes get wide for a moment, then she glances at Junichiro and she continues, "...setudying for entrance exams."

Junichiro frowns, "You…don't have to do that."

Ai sighs, "Dammit. I knew that my save was too late. I'm sorry."

"Thank you…all of you for accommodating my…problem. But I think…I think I can handle hearing you talk about…s-sex, now. At least…a little. I've…gotten more used to it. I should be able to handle it in small doses."

"Are you sure?"

He shrugs, "One way to find out. What were you going to say, Ai?"

She looks nervous, and looks at me as if asking permission. I nod.

I didn't know Junichiro is feeling more comfortable about this sort of thing. Hopefully he's right that he can handle it now.

She cautiously says, "Well…I was just going to say, Akari and Kayoko are going to be having lots of sex without classes getting in the way."

We all watch Junichiro's reaction. He turns red and clearly it's uncomfortable for him. But he doesn't seem to get as upset as he did a few months ago.

He exhales, "Yeah. I can handle things like that now. But…let's take it slow."

Ai says, "You know who isn't gonna take it slow?"

I sigh, "Akari and I in the bedroom?"

Ai frowns, "Aww. Why'd you ruin the punchline?"

Akari giggles, "W-well, it was obvious."

I look over at Junichiro, who is looking down at the ground and grimacing. I put a hand on his shoulder. "Reach your limit?"

He nods, looking embarrassed.

"Hey, don't feel bad. You've come a long way, and Ai has a filthy mind. And mouth. She needs to have a limit anyway."

He laughs and then smiles at me, but then it turns to a frown. "I'm glad you all did well on exams but it made me realize…I'm really going to miss all of you."

Carsten laughs, "Sound familiar, Kayoko?"

"It does." I look at Junichiro. "I've always had a hard time when my older friends graduate. It sucks. But, I am still friends with all of them, even if it's a bit different than we were at Yamaku. So…I know we'll all be friends, wherever we end up. My dad made lifelong friends here, my mom too. So…we might even all be friends the rest of our lives."

He sniffles, "I hope s-so…"

"Everything okay? I didn't think what I said was all that moving, and I'm the crybaby."

He laughs, "Yeah, I'm okay. Maybe I'm a crybaby too."

---

My last science club meeting just got out, but before we started, Ms. Hamada told me to stay behind and talk to her. I'm at her desk talking to her now.

"So…because you're excused from science the rest of the semester, and club activities are winding down, I was thinking of giving you a little assignment."

"An assignment? But…the national exam, and then entrance exams…"

"I know. But you still haven't decided what you want to study for sure, right?"

I frown and quietly say, "...right."

"So…just, do this assignment on your own time, and only if you want to. I just know it's something you'll enjoy."

I smirk at her, "Trying to give me one last shove towards science, huh?"

She laughs, "Yep."

I sigh, "My father would be proud of you yet again. What is it?"

"You're interested in genetic conditions, right?"

I nod.

"Well, I thought you could read about them and learn which genes carry them, and what those genes normally control. You could then map them out in the DNA. It will help you understand better all the challenges and possibilities of gene editing."

"That…does sound really interesting. You figured out exactly what I wanted to do, huh?"

She laughs, "Since that day we talked about gene editing in science club first year, yep."

"Impressive."

She laughs, "Well, you did ask a very specific question, and you have been interested in genetics ever since."

"That's true. I…don't think our library will have what we need for this. I've already read everything on genetics that we have here. I'll have to do interlibrary loan."

"Or…" She picks up her briefcase and puts it on her desk. Only now do I realize it seems very heavy today. She pulls out several books and a couple of science journals and puts them on the desk. "You could just borrow these."

I smile broadly as I look at the bounty of scientific knowledge before me, "Ms. Hamada…you're amazing."

She laughs, "I try."

I pick up one of the books, titled Medical Genetics and Genomics. It looks like a gigantic handbook to every known genetic condition, how they are currently treated, and what genes carry them. As I peruse it, I notice there is a sticker with the price on the back. This book cost 40,000 yen.

"D-did…you buy all of these for me?"

She winces and takes the book from me. She starts peeling off the sticker while she says, "Damn. I thought I removed the sticker."

"Th-this is…a lot of money. Did they all cost that much?"

"No. I had all the others already anyway. Just not this one. " She hands it back to me.

I look down at the book. "I'm…not sure I can accept this."

"Well…you're just borrowing it for an assignment. Teachers can't get gifts for students anyway."

"B-but even just borrowing it…this book was so expensive…"

"Maybe a little. But I think it will give a good return on the investment."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, very."

"Okay. Well…thank you. I'm very excited about this."

"Good. Let me know if you want to meet and talk about it and I'm sure I can find the time. Now, are you going to put these in your bag yourself or do I have to force you?"

I laugh, "I will take them. But…they are too heavy for me to take all at once. How funny is it that I can't carry a bunch of books about genetic conditions because of a genetic condition?"

Ms. Hamada raises her eyebrows, "I kind of assumed you had one, given how easily you get hurt. But I wasn't sure."

"Yeah…that's what makes me so passionate about it. Partly. My dad's heart condition was genetic too."

And Saki. And Akari's lupus probably has a genetic component. Then there's Hideki and Hana. But, I probably don't need to list all of them.

She nods, "Well…I can certainly understand why you would want to find a way to cure genetic conditions. I hope this little assignment helps you take your first step in that direction."

I smile, "It will. If I decide to do science."

She sighs in frustration, "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I will leave these books for you in the teachers' room. You can pick them up whenever."

I pick up Medical Genetics and Genomics and clutch it to my chest. "Okay. Thank you. I'll take this one for now."

…

"...She g-gave you an assignment? Now? Isn't that against the rules or something?"

Akari just got back from her last band meeting, and was dumbfounded and disappointed to find me poring over the book Ms. Hamada lent me. I just explained why.

"Yeah…but it's sort of voluntary."

Akari laughs, "Can something be 'sort of' v-voluntary? Doesn't it have to be entirely voluntary or it isn't voluntary at all?"

I shrug, "Well, whatever. I don't have to do it. But…I think it's something else that will help me make my decision."

She sighs, "So…what is it, exactly?"

I show her the page of the book I'm currently looking at. It's about Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.

"This book has all the known genetic conditions. It has their symptoms and stuff, but also information about the genes that carry them. For example, most EDS is found in the genes that control collagen production. Knowing that is the first step to figuring out how to remove the condition from the gene. And figuring out how to do it safely. She wants me to map them all out."

Akari nods and studies the book as I speak to her.

"It s-says here they don't know what causes the hypermobile type."

"Yeah. Of course not, right? I'm a mystery."

Akari giggles and puts the book back down. "Okay…this is really cool for you. I get it." She gets behind me and starts rubbing my shoulders, which feels really good. "Do you have to do it now though? I kinda wanted to celebrate the end of classes, clubs, and homework."

I let my neck relax as she continues her massage, tilting my head forward.

"Yeah? How do you wanna celebrate? The Shanghai?"

She scoffs, "You know what I m-mean, Yoko."

I laugh, "Do I? I think maybe you'll have to tell me exactly what it is you want. Because I just don't know."

She starts kissing my neck while she says, "I w-want you…all of you."

I giggle, stand up and kiss her before saying, "Okay. Well, in that case…I think I can give you exactly what you're looking for."

[guthrum06]

Akari, my mom and I got back from Sendai yesterday. We went to my grandma Meiko's funeral. It was tough, but also nice to celebrate her life. She's now buried next to her first husband. When my dad passed away, I was hoping that he got to be with Saki again. I feel the same way about my grandma and her first husband. She had to wait even longer than my dad.

My mom and Sho are both doing well, all things considered. They've grown a lot closer. When she spoke at the funeral, my mom even referred to him as her "stepfather," which was more than a little bit surprising. As much as my mother has grown over the years when it comes to dealing with her grief and accepting Sho as her mom's husband, she has never even gotten close to using the word father to refer to him. In fact, when I was a little girl, she made sure I understood that while he was family, he wasn't my grandfather, and I should never refer to him that way. My grandfather was the man buried in the cemetery in Sendai.

The closest she used to get to calling him any sort of father-figure, was calling him a "mentor," but I always got the impression she meant that in a professional sense. Sho was especially touched by his new title. He held things together at the funeral, but started to weep openly when she said those words. It was really great to see. I'm sad my grandma is gone, but I'm so happy the two of them have gotten even closer as a result.

Now, I'm in my dorm room trying to work myself up to do something I'm dreading. But it's also something that has to be done. I've been using the excuse of mock exams, and then my grandma's passing, but that doesn't really cut it anymore. I really need to do this. And I need to do it before I lose my nerve. In a way, I think losing my grandma made me realize I need to stop wasting time.

Shizuka and I have been texting semi-regularly ever since we met. Just exchanging little life updates and making small talk. Then we had some deeper conversations when she drove us to Tokyo. Since then, we've been texting even more. She knows Akari and I got 'pre-engaged' in New York, and she knows my grandma passed away, things like that.

I think I know her well enough now to ask her about something important. Something personal. Something I really want to know. No. Something I need to know.

I told Akari she could be here for this, but she thought it best if it was just the two of us. She's probably right. They really like each other, but things have never really lined up for the two of them to interact very much. This is likely to get intense enough that Shizuka wouldn't be comfortable saying it with Akari in the same room.

I lay down in my bed, find her name in my phonebook and start the call. She answers after a few rings.

"Hi, Kayoko…this is a pleasant surprise. You don't normally call. I especially didn't expect it today."

I laugh, "Yeah, this time I'm not going to ask you to drive 9 hours, I promise. I just wanted to talk."

She laughs, "Talking is good. How was the funeral?"

"Sad, but kind of nice too. How have you been?"

"Not too bad. Exam season, as you know, so a busy time. Oh! Did you get your results?"

"I did. I passed all my subjects on the mock exams. Akari too."

I swear I can hear her smiling, "That's great. I know you have lots of stressful studying ahead, but it feels nice to be done with classes, I bet."

"It really does."

She laughs, "I was in supplemental lessons around this time. I was jealous of everyone who didn't have to take them."

"Yeah, I have friends who have to take them. Seems tough, but I guess the school is trying to help them, not punish them."

"You already sound like a teacher."

I laugh, "I guess that's my dad's voice coming out." I sigh, "I still haven't decided if I want to teach."

"Well, I think you'll do great whatever you choose."

That's an empty platitude from most people who don't know what to say about my career uncertainty. But when she says it…it feels like she really believes it. She's so sweet. She cares about me. She wants me to be happy. It makes it even harder that I'm going to bring this up.

"Listen…are you somewhere private?"

She quietly says, "...yeah. I'm just at home."

I think she already knows where this is going.

"I want to talk about…my birth father and what happened between you two. If you aren't ready, don't be shy about saying no."

There's silence for a full 10 seconds.

She's sniffling now, "Why do you want to know?"

"Well…I might want to talk to him or meet him. But…it depends on what you tell me. If it's bad enough…I may not want to bother."

"...okay, I'll tell you."

"Remember, you can say no."

"You deserve to know."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Should I start from how I met him?"

"You can start wherever you like."

She takes a deep breath, and I can tell she is crying a little when she says, "My mom worked in his family home and often brought me along. We were friends for as long as I can remember, always playing together outside. Most of my earliest memories are playing at the neighborhood park with him. Building sandcastles, kicking a soccer ball, playing on the swings." She pauses for a moment and takes another deep breath. "…as we grew older, I started to feel something more than friendship for him. A-and when I was 14, I couldn't hold it in anymore and I confessed to him." She starts to cry a little harder. "He responded by embracing me and kissing me, and one thing led to another, and we had sex. I…know I really shouldn't have b-b-but…I loved him so much, and I thought it was really special."

She pauses again. I can hear her trying to steady her breathing and pull herself together.

I feel really bad for making her do this. I hope I'm not making her relive all the pain.

"For th-that one day, I thought I had a boyfriend who loved me too. But…the next day when I went with my mom to his house, he told me that it was… f-fun but it didn't m-mean anything to him, and that I wasn't his girlfriend. His parents fired my mom. And he d-d-disappeared from my life."

She pauses again to gather herself.

"Then…when I learned I was pregnant with you, my family confronted his parents about it…his family hired lawyers to try and prove that you weren't his. My family was poor. And even poorer now because my mom didn't have a job. They couldn't afford to fight it. So, his identity as the father was never established." She sniffles a little. "After that…his parents sent him to an all-boys boarding school, I guess to make sure he wouldn't knock up anyone else." She laughs wryly. "The night before he left, I saw him for the first time in many months. He snuck over to my house and apologized to me for everything. He said he shouldn't have taken advantage of me and that his family made him do the stuff with the lawyers. Then he left…and I n-n-never saw him…again…"

She trails off and I hear the heartbreaking sound of her sobbing, which brings me to tears too. She's crying so hard that I can tell she's having a hard time catching her breath. It's almost like when a small child cries. She couldn't hold it in anymore. Who would be able to? I'm glad she didn't feel like she needed to hang up because of it. I'm happy to be here to cry with her. To share her pain as best I can. But the longer I cry, the angrier I get.

Eventually, my anger has overtaken my sadness. Through gritted teeth I say, "He's an asshole who took advantage of you and really hurt you when you weren't much more than a little girl. Then he didn't take responsibility. I don't need to meet a man like that."

She sighs and pulls herself together, and with a strained voice she says, "He w-wasn't the best teenage boy, I'll give you that. But I…believed his apology. I still do. He truly felt remorse for everything. It doesn't change that he hurt me of course…or that he didn't take responsibility, and I definitely don't forgive him. But…I don't think he is a bad person. Just someone who made a really big mistake. It's up to you to decide if it's too big of one for you to forgive."

"Yeah…I'll have to think about it. I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you, Shizuka. I…can't even fathom going through all of that when I was 14."

"It was hard…and isn't something I have anyone to talk to about, other than my therapist. So…it was kind of nice telling you. My…family just pretends none of it ever happened."

I scoff, "I should show up at the next family reunion."

She laughs, "That is tempting."

"Hey…earlier, it sounded like you still feel guilty for having sex back then. Can you please forgive yourself for that?"

She sighs, "I'm trying. My…family made sure to let me know in no uncertain terms that it was a huge mistake…back when it happened. So, it's been hard to break free of that." She laughs softly, "Who knew the baby that was conceived during that act would one day comfort me about it?"

I laugh, "Well I'm happy to do it. Thank you for telling me when it's such a hard thing for you. I hope talking about it…was more helpful than painful."

"It was." She sighs. "You're really a wonderful girl, Kayoko. I know I didn't play any role in you being this way…but I…still feel a little proud of you."

"Hey, your genetics probably helped some. Nurture is important, but nature is too, right? And besides, you're definitely where I get my boobs. I'm not sure Akari would be with me without them, and she makes me really happy."

This makes her laugh hysterically, which is nice to hear after our tense conversation. I laugh with her.

Once we've cooled down, she says, "You two are very cute. Glad my genetics helped make it happen. She's a boob girl, huh?"

I laugh, "Well…let's just say I am very aware how much she likes them."

She laughs, "Large breasts certainly have their advantages."

"They definitely do."

"Kayoko…thank you so much for staying in contact with me. I have…really cherished our texts. You really didn't have to do any of this for me, you don't owe me anything."

"I know I don't owe you. It isn't something I'm just doing for you. I'm doing it for me too. It's pretty easy, I like talking to you, so I keep talking to you."

She sniffles, "I'm glad. I like talking to you too. Do you…know when you might be in Tokyo again? I'd like to take you two to dinner to celebrate your pre-engagement. Um…is it…okay for me to ask that? Am I being too pushy?"

"You aren't being pushy. That would be nice. I don't know for sure when we'll be there. But I'll let you know."

"Okay. Well, I need to go. Good luck with the exams."

We say our goodbyes and end the call. After I hang up, I start to think about whether I want to meet my birth father. I'm definitely going to need to talk this over with my mom and Akari. Shizuka at least convinced me that it isn't an obvious 'Yes, I can't wait to meet him' or 'No, I'm never meeting him.'

…

"So…that's the situation. What do you think?"

I'm at my mom's with Akari discussing the phone call from earlier. I just finished retelling Shizuka's story.

They look at each other and Akari gestures for my mom to go first.

"It's a hard choice…I have very mixed feelings like you do. What he did was…horrible. But…at least he did apologize. And Shizuka thought it was genuine. And at this point it was 19 years ago. So…maybe we shouldn't hold it against him too much. Maybe he's been wracked with guilt all this time, and just wants to tell you he's sorry?"

Akari doesn't look convinced. "M-maybe. What you said is true Emi, it's b-been a long time but…why has he never in all this time reached out to Shizuka?"

I nod, "That's a good point."

My mom says, "It is…but guilt and any number of other factors might be why. I'm not saying it's right…but if he really feels bad about it, talking to the person he did it too might be something he wants to avoid." She shrugs. "He might be an awful person too, I don't know. I'm just saying that isn't the only explanation."

Akari sighs, "I guess like with Shizuka…we can't really know unless you meet him. Even if he sucks, at l-least then you know?"

I sigh. "Yeah…I know a lot more about him going into this and most of it isn't good, but I guess we won't know unless we meet him."

My mom nods, "I highly doubt you will hit it off with him like you have with Shizuka but meeting him is probably worth a try."

"Okay." I get out my phone. "I guess I'll email him. I suppose there's a chance he won't even respond if he would rather pretend I don't exist. I should probably be more aloof about things than I was with her."

My mom raises an eyebrow, "How will you do that? Con him into meeting you? Tell him he won some big prize, and he has to show up somewhere to pick it up?"

I laugh, "I wasn't going to go that far, but maybe I won't mention explicitly that I'm his daughter. Just imply it."

I type out the email and read it to both of them. They both approve of the message that I send.

Mr. Nakamura,

Hi, my name is Kayoko Nakai. I am Shizuka Tachibana's daughter. I recently met her, and was interested in meeting you too, or at least talking on the phone.

Thank you for your time,

Kayoko Nakai

---

It's been a week since I emailed my birth father, and at this point I wasn't really expecting a response. But we just got into bed for the night, and I have an email from him. It isn't from the email address that I know.

"He responded."

"Hmmn?" is all my sleepy girlfriend can say.

"My birth father."

She rolls over and sounds more alert when she asks, "What does it say?"

Dear Ms. Nakai,

My lawyers saw your email before I ever did and have recommended that I not contact you. But I decided to anyway. I am using an email they don't know about. I don't feel comfortable meeting or talking on the phone, but we can correspond here if you'd like.

Sincerely,

Yusuke Nakamura

Akari scoffs, "W-well…better than nothing, I guess."

"The fact he replied even though he isn't supposed to is kind of good, right?"

Akari sighs, "I g-guess. But he needs to own up to his mistake."

"Well…he's probably a little worried I'm just after his money or something, and he still decided to take this risk."

Akari grumbles, "I guess."

"I probably shouldn't say anything that directly says I am his daughter, or he is my father though, that might scare him away."

"I guess."

I frown at her, "You seem very against this."

She sighs, "I'm not against it. He just sounds a lot like he did in Shizuka's story. Hiding behind lawyers but kind of acting like he doesn't want to b-be…b-but still not really doing anything about it."

I frown, "I'm still going to try to talk to him, but you're right…it's not an ideal start."

I type out my response and read it to Akari as I do.

Mr. Nakamura,

Correspondence here works for me. I appreciate your response. I'm not sure what you can and cannot say, so maybe we should start with questions you have for me, and we can go from there.

Akari rolls her eyes a little at how aloof I'm being about things, but ultimately agrees that it probably is the best strategy.

---

The next morning when I wake up, I have a very simple response from Mr. Nakamura. Akari and I read the email and respond to it before getting out of bed.

Ms. Nakai,

What are you interested in studying in university?

That means he knows how old I am.

Mr. Nakamura,

I'm still working that out. Either science or music. I am thinking of teaching one of those or becoming a scientific researcher.

…

He responded later in the day, and when we got into bed that night, I read his email to Akari again and we wrote out a response.

Ms. Nakai,

I love music. Embarrassingly, I wanted to be in a rock band for a time in my 20s, so I learned the guitar. Science was one of my worst subjects in school, but now I really like learning about it. So, I think you have two really good options.

What hobbies do you have?

Mr. Nakamura,

Music and science definitely cross over into hobby territory, but after them chess is my strongest interest. But I also really love manga, which my girlfriend introduced me to. I'm a little new to it but love it so far. I'm also a major foodie, though I'm not much of a cook myself. I like trying new things and eating all kinds of cuisine. Does eating count as a hobby?

From then on, correspondence with Mr. Nakamura became part of our daily routine. When we wake up in the morning and when we get into bed at night, I always have an email from him that I respond to and Akari is always right there with me as I write out the responses.

…

Ms. Nakai,

It sounds like you have a healthy range of hobbies. I must confess I quite like to eat too. I think it counts as a hobby if you really enjoy it and you are an adventurous eater willing to try new things, and it sounds like you are.

What are your favorite cuisines?

…

Mr. Nakamura,

That's a tough one. I do love Japanese food quite a lot, my mother is a master chef when it comes to that, so I have been spoiled. However, my father was a little more eclectic in his tastes and he cooked a wide range of cuisine. He especially liked more western food like Italian and American and those are two of my favorites, partly for sentimental reasons. I've also had a substantial amount of Israeli cuisine that I quite enjoyed.

…

Ms. Nakai,

From the tense you used, I can only assume that you lost your father. You have my condolences.

I am glad he introduced you to broader cuisines, and you certainly sound more adventurous than I was as an 18-year-old. I regret sometimes that I used to be a picky eater, I missed out on a lot of good food as a result.

Do you like to travel?

...

Mr. Nakamura,

I do, although I am not the most well-traveled at this point in my life. I'm hoping to change that as I get older. I have mostly only been to various places in Japan, although I did visit New York City this summer with my girlfriend and her parents, and it was really fun.

…

Ms. Nakai,

You've already made one big international trip, that's plenty for your age! I am sure you will add more in the future.

I like to travel too. I recommend visiting Europe if you get the chance, especially Italy. As per our earlier conversation, I imagine you will love the food there.

There's lots of great hiking there too. Do you like to hike?

I guess he doesn't know about my condition. That makes sense since he wasn't around when Shizuka had me. Somehow, I thought he knew. Well, I guess after all this more relaxed conversation, things are about to get very real.

Mr. Nakamura,

I like to walk as much as I can, but I have a condition called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. Basically, my joints get dislocated very easily. So, there are many forms of exercise I can't do, including hiking. I do what I can, though. I like going for walks and I have weekly physical therapy that is good exercise.

…

Ms. Nakai,

I didn't know about your condition, so I apologize for my ignorant question. I have an aunt who has the exact same thing. What are the chances?

Pretty good, actually. I think he knows that and this was just his way of acknowledging it without saying I am his daughter.

I assume your condition played a role in why your mother put you up for adoption?

Yep, things are getting real. I was starting to wonder if he even knew she had done that, or if he thought I was talking about Shizuka as my mother this whole time, but either he already knew or he figured it out.

Mr. Nakamura,

Yes, that's right. She was a young single mother from a poor family. When I dislocated some joints during childbirth, they knew they couldn't afford to take care of a child with my condition.

My adoptive parents were wonderful though and I had a great childhood. Ideal even, apart from losing my dad when I was 15.

…

Ms. Nakai,

I am sorry to hear that your birth mother and her family were put in such a bind.

I guess that's…kind of an apology? Although an apology would involve him taking responsibility, I guess legally he can't go that far.

I am glad to hear you had such a nice childhood. Parents who were willing to adopt a baby with your condition must be wonderful people indeed.

I feel I have asked you many questions and you have been kind enough to answer all of them, are there any you would like to ask me? I think by now you've figured out the kinds of things I can answer.

After I read his email, Akari scoffs and says, "Y-yeah, how about 'why'd you knock up a 14-year-old and abandon her. And why have you never done anything to help her in the last 18 years.'"

I sigh and frown at her, "I want to ask those things. I do. But from what we know of him, I don't think that's the right approach. We have to move slowly."

She crosses her arms, "Fine."

"How about this, though? I can ask him something that sort of skirts the issue."

Mr. Nakamura,

Do you have any children?

…

Ms. Nakai,

I do. I have two sons. One is 6 and the other is 4.

I didn't expect him to outright say, 'Yes, you!' but it is still a tiny bit painful to be left out. I thought he might give me a mysterious "And an 18-year-old daughter" or something, without saying it was me. I still don't know this man well, but I have come to enjoy our correspondence, so it does make me a tiny bit sad. After that little bit of pain passed, I realize this means I have two much younger half-brothers. That's kind of crazy.

Mr. Nakamura,

That's great. I am sure you will enjoy seeing them grow up.

I hope he gets the subtle jab here. He seems pretty sharp, I think he will.

I have some idea of what you do for a living thanks to the internet, but I'd like to know more about it.

…

Ms. Nakai,

I work in import-export. In other words, I help overseas companies sell their goods here, and help local companies sell their goods overseas. I travel a lot, especially to Europe where we have many clients. As you probably saw online, it is my family business. I recently became president following the death of my father. It sounds like he passed away around the same time yours did.

…

Mr. Nakamura,

I'm sorry to hear about your father. It's pretty cool you run such a big company, though I imagine it is quite stressful. I was class rep last year and I felt overwhelmed, so I can only imagine something on that big of a scale.

What's your favorite European city you've visited?

…

Ms. Nakai,

Milan, Italy has to be my favorite. It gets less attention than Rome or Florence, but people are missing out. The food is amazing, but the city also has a fascinating history. It has been in an economic hub in Europe for almost 1000 years! It has lots of great architecture and museums. Today, most of the major Italian brands you can think of - especially the fashion brands - are headquartered there.

…

Mr. Nakamura,

That sounds great! I will add Milan to the list of places I would like to visit. Do you speak Italian or any other languages? I can speak English about as well as other high school seniors, but would love to get better and learn other languages.

…

Ms. Nakai,

Yes, I am fluent in Italian and English. I have to be in my line of work. I spent a year in Italy during university.

Italian being a big point of emphasis for us is one of the things that gives our company a big advantage when it comes to dealing with companies there.

I think you have proven over our weeks of correspondence that you can operate with discretion. I would very much like to meet you in person if you're still interested in that. I live in Sendai, let me know when you might be visiting.

…

Mr. Nakamura,

I still want to meet. Thank you for your willingness to do so. I actually live very close to Sendai. It is a short bus ride. My girlfriend and I did well enough on our mock exams that we don't have to attend class anymore, so our schedule is fairly open. I'm sure that's not true of yours, so just let us know when you have an opening and we'll be there.

---

Akari and I are meeting my birth father today. He was very particular about where he would meet. He is well known enough in Sendai that he didn't want it to be in public. This gave us some pause because we still don't know him well enough to meet in private. But in the end, we came up with a place that is sort of private and sort of public: the same karaoke booth where we had our triple date last year. We're in the booth now, sitting at a table that would normally be for eating snacks, but we haven't ordered anything and don't really plan to. It seemed less awkward than the couch.

It's a place where we will have privacy, but if he turns out to be a creep we can scream, and people would be able to help us quickly. I don't think that's likely, but Akari suggested we should be a little cautious even after talking to him so much. She's probably right.

Akari crosses her arms and huffs, "H-he's late…he p-probably ran away. He's good at that."

Akari is in a sour mood about him in general, and it's hard to blame her. We both really like Shizuka and care about her, and this man's actions have made her life really hard. But…I think from our email conversations and from what Shizuka told me, he isn't just some awful person. It's complicated. I'm trying my hardest to reserve judgment.

"He's only two minutes late." I put my hand on her shoulder. "Can you try and relax? I know this is hard…but try not to scowl at him the minute he walks in, okay?"

She makes an effort to relax her face and nods apologetically. Good timing too, because the next instant a man walks into the booth. He's a tall, very fit man. He has on a hoodie and sweatpants, along with sunglasses and a hat. He must be trying to disguise himself. He sees us and stops in his tracks for a moment. Then he comes forward and says, "Hi, Kayoko…and…"

"This is Akari, the girlfriend I told you about."

He nods, "Nice to meet you both. I'm Yusuke, of course. I um…brought a gift for each of you." He awkwardly extends a gift bag to each of us.

Akari and I each take a bag from him and exchange a look. We both put them down and show him no interest in opening them right now.

He doesn't sit down. He frowns and looks towards the door. "I'm sorry…now that I'm here…I…I think maybe this was a bad idea."

I glare at him and Akari backs me up, "Look…I'm not interested in you being in my life as my father in any way. I'm not after your money. I'm not interested in you legally recognizing that you're my father either. So, we can sign an NDA or whatever else you want. If you still think you need to go…then go. But…I'm really not going to think very much of you if you do."

He frowns but sits down, "If you don't want any of that…then why contact me?"

I cross my arms and shake my head in disbelief, "You really think those are the only reasons I would contact you?"

"Well…no. But…I'm just making sure."

"I just want to know what happened. I want to know…how I came to be, and who the people are that made me. That's it. Don't you think you owe me that?"

He takes off his hat and sunglasses, revealing brown eyes, which I expected after what Shizuka said about my eyes when we first met. He also has dark messy hair that reminds me a little bit of my dad.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I do owe it to you. I don't need to go, and you don't have to sign anything." He looks at each of us. "I trust you both. You could have said something to the press weeks ago if you wanted to."

"Yes, and I never even considered it."

He nods, "Okay. So…what do you know from Shizuka?"

"I know the whole story from you being childhood friends to me being born."

He nods. "Okay…I'll tell you my side of things."

"Thank you. I know this probably isn't easy."

Akari takes my hand and smiles at me, and I smile at her.

He nods and starts to tell his story. "Shizuka was my younger friend. Her mom worked as a maid in the house, so she was over all the time. There weren't any other kids in my neighborhood, so we played together from a young age. My parents never really liked that we spent time together. They looked down on her because she was poorer, and the child of 'the help.' They only put up with it because…well, it meant they didn't have to interact with me as much." He smiles softly, "She was someone I really cherished, someone who I looked forward to seeing every day. And beautiful too. As we grew up together, I fell in love with her."

Wait, what? He didn't just want to have sex with her? He better not be lying to make himself look better. I'll be watching him closely.

His smile gets a little wider. "She confessed to me when I was 16 and I was so happy. I kissed her immediately and then I guess you could say…hormones took over." He frowns. "We had sex without any protection about 30 minutes into our relationship. Not…the best idea." He sighs. "That night, I told my parents Shizuka was my girlfriend. They lost their minds, especially my father. He fired her mother and forced me to break things off with her. He also forbade me from ever seeing her again after that."

Akari snaps, and with a surprisingly forceful voice rivaling her mother, she says. "Y-you should have tried harder to convince your parents if she meant anything to you! You didn't love her if you just g-gave up!"

Mr. Nakamura and I look at Akari with shocked expressions. Especially Mr. Nakamura. So far, Akari hasn't said a word and all of a sudden, she is teeing off on him with surprising force. I know she's having a harder time with him than I am, but I didn't really think she'd have an outburst. I get what she's saying, and I was going to say something similar, albeit less accusatory. And I was going to wait until he finished.

He frowns, "I wanted to. But…I was just…so afraid of my parents. Especially my father."

Akari fires back. "I d-don't care how scared you were! You loved her and got her pregnant, you d-don't have any excuse for abandoning her! You were a coward!"

I look at her in disbelief and sharpen my own voice. "Kari…name-calling is really not okay…If you can't keep a level head-"

He looks down, folds his hands together and interrupts me, "No…she's right. I was a coward. Nothing makes up for what I did." He looks back up at us with tears in the corners of his eyes. "But when I say I was afraid…I don't just mean I didn't want to get in trouble. I mean…my father put me in the hospital on more than one occasion."

Akari wilts and looks ashamed. I squeeze her hand.

"It still isn't an excuse for what I did. But as a 16-year-old, I lived in abject fear of my father. So if he said no about something, that was it. There wasn't a way for me to change his mind."

"I-I'm s-sorry. I shouldn't have…b-before I knew the whole s-story…"

He gives her a comforting smile. "It's okay. Like I said, I still fucked up, excuses or not." Akari nods feebly.

"Anyway…about two months later, Shizuka's parents confronted my parents and told them that she was pregnant with my child." He smiles softly at me. "Which was true, of course. But my parents denied it without knowing whether it was true or not. Then my father came into my room and asked me if it was possible Shizuka was pregnant with my child..." Mr. Nakamura clenches his fists and looks down and his voice becomes strained. "I told him it was and…he hit m-me so hard that I woke up in the hospital with a broken jaw."

Akari whimpers softly and I squeeze her hand. She must feel really bad now. She shouldn't have lost her temper, but she also couldn't have known this is where the story was headed.

"After that, they hired the best lawyers money could buy to scare the Tachibanas into giving up their claim, and they did. Then, once my jaw healed, my parents sent me away to a strict boarding school in Hokkaido. I never saw Shizuka again." He laughs wryly. "And that's the happy story of how you came to be Kayoko."

"So…you really loved Shizuka?"

He nods, "Yes. I consider her my first love and my first girlfriend…brief as it was." He grimaces. "I'm…not sure if that's better or worse, though, given how I treated her."

I put my hand on him and smile at him. He smiles back. "You were a 16-year-old boy in a situation that just…didn't have any good choices for you. I think it matters that you loved her. It's…better than the version of the story she knows."

He nods, "I suppose it is a little better than just thinking I took advantage of her."

"Why didn't you tell Shizuka you loved her, before you left?"

"I…wanted to. I snuck over to her house, the night before I left. I was going to tell her. But…as Akari so rightly said, I was a coward. I couldn't do it. I knew my father would never let us be together, and I thought it would just hurt her more if I told her. In the end…I could only muster up a half-assed apology."

I nod and then sigh, "You and Shizuka both went through hell because of me, I guess."

He frowns, "Kayoko, don't look at it that way…"

"Oh, I don't mean it's my fault or anything. I just mean, because she got pregnant, both of your lives became more difficult."

He nods, "Yeah…that about sums it up."

"I have to ask…does your wife know about all of this?"

"She does. I told her before we started trying to have children. That…I actually already had a child." He sighs, "I was in the doghouse for a while for not telling her before we got married, and…she wasn't thrilled about how I treated Shizuka. But she came to understand it as best she could."

"…does she know you're here now?"

He nods. "She actually encouraged me to secretly email you. She knows I came to meet you today. She picked out your gifts. I read most of your emails to her. She helps me write out the responses."

I laugh, "That's what Akari and I do with your emails."

He smiles at Akari, "That's nice." He looks at our hands, noticing our rings. "You said girlfriend, right? Not fiancee?"

"Oh, yeah. They are promise rings. We'll get married after university, though."

He nods, "That's great. You two seem like a good couple."

"Thanks. Do you think you can do something for me?"

He raises an eyebrow. "I can try…what is it?"

"You have to tell Shizuka all of this."

He fidgets in his seat and looks very uncomfortable. "Why?"

I feel Akari start to steam next to me again, but I squeeze her hand and take the lead before she snaps at him.

"You owe it to her, don't you think? You really hurt her. You couldn't control it, but you disappeared from her life while she was in love with you and pregnant with your child. "

He sighs. "The lawyers won't like it."

I feel Akari tense up so I respond before she can again, "I know. But she's like me, she doesn't want anything. She doesn't want you to legally acknowledge that you're my father. She doesn't care about money or want you to pay her back in any material way. She doesn't want to be with you either. But this whole thing has been eating her up…dominating her life ever since it happened. She needs closure. She deserves it."

He wrings his hands a few times. "I didn't know it was still affecting her."

Okay, I'm about to lose my temper myself. OF COURSE IT'S AFFECTING HER! YOU KNOCKED HER UP AND BROKE HER HEART!

Before my internal monologue becomes external, he says, "You're right." He cradles his head in his hands. "I really fucked up. Even more than I knew. Of course, it's still hurting her." He sighs. "I'll tell her. I hope it helps her."

"Good."

He smiles, "You must be pretty close with her for you to fight so hard for her."

I laugh, "We did hit it off pretty well. I care about her. She feels like a big sister to me…strange as that may sound. "

He smiles, "You do remind me of her quite a bit. That's part of what…almost made me run away when I came in here. It doesn't surprise me that you get along. It does seem like you got my eyes though." He massages his neck a little. "I'm willing to bet…you don't feel like you and I hit it off so well…but I have liked getting to know you over the last few weeks."

I definitely don't feel as strong of a connection to him as I do to Shizuka, but there's something there.

"I've liked it too. I'd like to stay in contact, if that's okay. Just catch up with one another every once in a while. Even if we have to do it secretly."

He groans, "I'm going to talk to my lawyers. You mentioned signing an NDA…they might be willing to do that, then we don't have to be so secretive."

"That would be nice."

"I need to go soon…but before I do, just let me say…I'm very sorry Kayoko. If me and my family hadn't done what they did…you probably never would have been put up for adoption. Shizuka and I…could have afforded to keep you. There's even someone else with EDS in the family. She's great too, and would have really been a good mentor to you."

I smile, "You don't have to be sorry. My life ended up working out great. I had great parents, I'm really happy. Plus…can you be sure your father wouldn't have hurt me too? After what you just told us…maybe it was just…better this way."

His face darkens, "Maybe you're right. When we had our first child…I was able to stand up to him and tell him in no uncertain terms that he would never be around my children unless I was there too. And that he had to keep his hands off of them. But…I was a grown man by then, and my father was old and sick. But…when you were born." He winces. "I…I don't know if I could have stood up to him."

I try to cheer him up with a smile, "So...maybe you don't need to be so sorry. Not…with what happened with me anyway…I do think you need to be sorry about how you treated Shizuka."

He nods, "You're right. I'm glad you ended up with great parents. If you had been adopted by…someone like my father…I don't think I ever would have forgiven myself." He stands up, "Well. I need to go. It has been great meeting you both…I'll keep in touch."

We bid him farewell. Once he's gone, Akari turns to me with teary eyes and says, "I'm s-so…sorry I was like that. I w-was just here for support and I…got involved in a way I really shouldn't have. A-and…then I was completely in the wrong."

I put my arm around her, "It's okay. He wasn't even offended. He understood your reaction. I did too. He said some very frustrating things. I wasn't too far from yelling at him a few times."

"Well…you did a b-better job than me of holding it in." She pauses. "I hope he follows through w-with talking to Shizuka…if she knows the whole story…I think it w-would really help her."

I smile at her, "Yeah…me too. I hope that between me being back in her life, and him telling her what really happened…she'll start to feel better about things."

…

When we get back to the dorm, we decide to finally take a look at what he got us. We take the tissue paper out of our bags at the same time, then we reach inside and we are equally stunned by what we find.

Akari is rotating her new possession in her hand with eyes as wide as saucers. It's a black leather handbag with the name of a certain luxury brand emblazoned in gold on the side. "W-wow…this is…really Prada?"

I laugh, "I think so." Mine's a Prada handbag too, but pink. Akari is eying it excitedly. I present it to her and then we trade and then giggle.

"This is…a pretty insane gift. Aren't these things like 700,000 yen?"

Akari's eyes get wide, "What?! Really? I knew they were expensive…and this is nice, but who would ever p-pay that much for this."

I laugh, "Rich people. He probably got them for free, I bet he imports them. He mentioned going to Italy a lot, remember?"

Akari blinks several times, still stunned by the value of her new purse. "This is m-more expensive than my French horn?"

I laugh, "Yep. I'm…not sure how I feel about this. It is a nice gift and all but…it feels kind of icky."

Akari frowns, "Yeah. Like he's trying to buy us or something."

"Yeah…I dunno. I'm going to hold on to it, but not sure how I feel about actually using it."

"H-hey…maybe we could sell them, and help Carsten and Ai? If…they decide to keep the baby."

I nod, "That's actually…a really good idea. Thanks birth dad!" I laugh. "Maybe he'll send a box full of them to Shizuka."

"Should you…c-call her?"

"Probably." I sigh. "I guess maybe she doesn't even want to talk to him. I shouldn't have spoken for her. Ugh…this is awkward."

Akari smiles, "I know. But I'll stay with y-you."

I kiss her and then get out my phone to call Shizuka.

"Hey, Kayoko. Having a nice evening?"

"Um…an interesting one, let's say."

Shizuka quietly says, "...you met him today?"

"I did."

"...oh."

"Listen, I know this is hard, so I'm just going to say it. I got him to promise he would talk to you."

She angrily replies, "Y-y-you… WHAT?!"

I hold the phone away from my ear and grimace and look at Akari. She squeezes my hand and smiles at me, it gives me the courage to continue.

"Only if…you want to talk to him. I'm sorry if…I overstepped. But what he told me…I think it will help you a little. You…need closure."

"D-don't…tell me what I need! You're my daughter…and y-you're talking to me like I'm a child who needs to have her hand held. I didn't ask you for your help! I…I don't need it! S-stay out of it!"

My phone beeps. When I look at it, I see she hung up on me.

I sigh, "Well…looks like I messed that up."

Akari kisses me on the side of my head and says, "You tried. It's up to her to d-decide. I agree…that it w-would help her. But…she really doesn't want to talk to him. So…she doesn't have to."

"Yeah…you're right. There was…definitely a better way for me to handle that…I was too pushy."

Akari shrugs, "Maybe. No need to w-worry about it now. Let's…go to dinner, get your mind off things."

After that Akari and I go to dinner in the cafeteria with Carsten and Ai. After that we came back to the dorm to do some studying.

…

Now, we've just gotten in bed for the night.

My phone starts vibrating, disrupting the snuggle bliss. It's late, and sort of unusual for anyone to be calling. It might be my mom having a hard night. I sigh and roll over to answer.

I look at my phone and say, "I-it's…Shizuka."

Akari puts her arms around me from behind and nods. I answer.

"Hi, Shizuka…I'm so sorry for earlier."

"No…you don't need to be." She sounds very low energy.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes. I've just been…crying…and thinking. So I'm pretty drained."

"I'm sorry to hear that…I cry and think a lot too. Maybe that's something else I got from you?"

She laughs softly, "Maybe. I'm very sorry I was…how I was earlier. The whole thing just…really shocked me. I shouldn't have taken it out on you like that."

"It's okay. I…could have handled bringing it up a lot better. And not sounded quite as…pompous, I guess. You know what you need more than I do…I shouldn't have acted like I know better."

She laughs, "Maybe. I've told you before that sometimes you seem like you're older than me." She sighs. "I think you're just more emotionally healthy than me. Wiser than me when it comes to this kind of thing…and it frustrates me sometimes. But…it is just how things are."

I don't know how to respond. I…sort of think she's right, but that would come off as pretty arrogant if I actually said that.

She continues, "Anyway…let me start over from earlier. It's…amazing that you convinced…him to talk to me. So…the proper response would be…Thank you very much, Kayoko."

"Y-you're welcome. I just…I care about you, Shizuka. I want to try to help." I sigh. "I guess that sounds really annoying, doesn't it?"

She laughs, "Maybe a little. But…you also said you care about me. So I can live with it. I…care about you too." I can hear her sniffling on the other side of the line. "I…more than care about you actually. I…love you."

I look at Akari, unsure what I should say. She just smiles at me.

She continues, "L-like I told you…I have loved you since the moment I saw you…I don't think I ever stopped, even all those years when I didn't know where you were…now that I know you…and see that you're such a great person, I love you even more."

I'm still silent.

"I…I know you probably don't feel the same. That's okay. It's like you said before…we have different perspectives because of what we remember. But…I do want you to know that I love you."

I look at Akari again, completely flustered. She smiles at me and puts her hand on my back. I know she's telling me to just be honest.

"O-okay. Um…you're right…I don't feel that way. I'm sorry. But...I do care about you. I feel a connection with you. It's…possible, I'll feel that way some day."

She sniffles, "I understand. I'm just…I'm so happy I'm…anything to you. I'm happy we have a relationship. I'm happy…you're trying to help me, even if I don't always respond well to it."

"Good. I'm happy to know you too. Um…to the matter…at hand, I guess. Do you want me to send him your contact information?"

"Yes."

I sigh, "The…crappy part is that he may only communicate over email. That's what I did with him for weeks before getting him to meet, and I had to really twist his arm to keep him from running away."

She laughs, "I would have liked to see that arm twisting, I think. But…that's okay. To be honest, email might be best for me. I don't know how I would react to hearing his voice or actually seeing him."

"Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I'll give him your email. Maybe this sounds annoying but…I'm here if you need me. If you want to talk through his emails or anything."

"That's not annoying." She sighs. "As I told you, apart from my therapist I don't have anyone who will talk to me about this. So, I appreciate it. I'm sure…I'll need you."

After that we say our goodbyes to each other. I breathe a sigh of relief and Akari and I get back into our sleep snuggle position. After a goodnight kiss, I start to drift off…

In the end, that went really well. A few bumps in the road to be sure, but now I know both of my birth parents. Hopefully Shizuka comes out of all this feeling better about things.

[hdkv]

You may want to fix up formatting a little — emails section was hard to read.

In other fanfics in stuff like emails or long texts people use

quotes

as they're easier to manage and easier to read that what you did.