Uncertainty
A Post Emi Good Ending Story
Artist: BluemintAnime or here
Act 1: False Start
Scene 1: Broken Glass Part 1
I lay my eyes upon the girl basking in the morning air in front of me - enveloped by a serene glow bright enough to sting my eyes - and fight the panicked heartbeat rising in my chest. It was just a dream after all. The image has already faded, leaving nothing but the raw emotions in its wake, but I dare not close my eyes again; I might lose what’s right in front of me. A strange conflict, I note.
Breathe in. 1… 2… 3… and out…
The deep breath fills my lungs with the taste of a brand new day, teasing me with its world of possibilities. She leans on the sill as the freshly opened window sends air violently dancing in a million exciting directions. A sharp stinging sensation washes over my chest.
In. 1… 2… 3… and out…
I get lost in the stunning green of her eyes. It reminds me of a lush forest, filled with life and promising a brighter future. She closes them, and breathes in silence. The intoxicating smile painted on her face spreads to my own.
In. 1… 2… 3… and out.
My heart finally calms down; I am safe. I close my eyes and take one more short breath to stabilize myself before settling back into gazing at the beauty before me.
The visage before me can only last so long, and soon she returns to my side. Clinging to the fading present I sit still, hoping- dreaming this moment will never end. She asks if something is wrong, but I tell her it’s nothing. She raises an eyebrow, then urges me to get moving and take my morning pills so we can start the day.
With the spell finally broken - and her soft hand pulling me from my waking dream - the day finally begins. She motivates me to battle my army of bottles for the gift of life with the reminder that it’s the last day of classes before summer, so I get up.
The desk is littered with a fresh batch of college brochures, courtesy of our parents. I add them to the stack of papers on the right side of the desk, and begin my morning diet. Summer break is just a few short hours away and we have a hike to prepare for. The rest can wait.
It’s time to move forward.
----------------
“...okay but that doesn’t mean they have to keep hanging onto you!” Emi is sitting in the backseat with me so I get the full force of her glare, the one that makes me feel like I'm on the business end of a knife.
“Honest, I think they are just trying to be friendly. Sure they also try to rope me into helping them a lot, but from what I hear that’s kind of their thing.”
“Hmmph.” She puts her leg on the center console as if to create a barrier between us.
How did we get to this topic in the first place? I mentioned how Shizune would definitely confront me next time I saw her about my eagerness to leave class today. It seemed like she and Misha wanted to talk to me about something, probably student council related, but I had to blow them off if I was going to be on time for Emi and her mom. Emi said I should’ve just told her where we were going, and next thing I know she’s saying Misha and Shizune might be interested in me for more than just my help. I think she might have been implying one or both of them might have wanted to go out with me at some point, but that’s entirely absurd! On top of that, it’s like we leapt from point A to point Z and skipped the other twenty-some odd letters. Did I miss the first half of this conversation on some other day or something?
I mean really, it’s the day our summer break starts. Only three days after… well… Emi and I spilled everything to each other - okay, maybe not everything - but definitely a lot. Now we’re neck deep in an argument I didn’t realize I was walking into. “I don’t think either of them would ever even think of me that way anyways.” Emi’s mother cringes a little from the front seat of the car as I finish the sentence.
Emi quickly pulls her leg back down and faces me. I really wish she had just sat in the front; as things are, I feel like I'm trapped back here with her. “So if one of them had been
interested in you” - I don't like how she said that word - “would you be here with me today?”
We’re supposed to be going on a hike together, not talking about those two…
“No that’s not what I’m-” I sigh and rub my head, looking around for inspiration as I try to find a way to change the topic. I catch a glimpse of Mrs Ibarazaki smirking at me in the rearview mirror, but I think - hope - I see a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. That, or she’s just glad it’s me on the receiving end of this and not her. “I’m just saying that there’s nothing to worry about at all. They’re just doing what they’ve done since I got here.” Emi doesn’t seem convinced quite yet, so I keep going. “On top of that I think Shizune is probably still mad at me.”
“Oh?” She’s got her eyebrows raised as she looks me in the eyes.
“It’s a long story. Well, not really, I guess. She and Lilly got into a fight in my classroom and I sort of took Lilly’s side by accident, but also not really.”
“When was this?” Her mouth threatens to transform from a frown to a smirk; I barely know which is worse at this point.
“Way back in the first week of school.” I manage to squeak out. “It was some stupid fight between Shizune and Lilly. Shizune was saying Lilly was lazy and Lilly was calling her an unreasonable dictator or something along those lines. When Shizune hit a wall in the debate she tried dragging me in and painted me as lazy as well or something, so I told her to cut
us some slack.”
“You’re saying that was enough to set her off? Not buying it.” Emi’s anger dissipates just a little more, but I still can’t decide if it’s a good or bad thing.
Last chance to escape this. I’ve had enough mad Emi for the day, so I continue, “Well, then I basically cut Shizune off and talked to Lilly directly, giving her an out from the fight.”
Emi grins as I finish my sad tale and it grows until it’s covering most of her face. “Wow, of all the people to piss off, Hisao!”
“What? No-”
“She’s crafty too, you know. She’ll guilt you into being her minion and before you know it, you’ll be doing council work and telling yourself she’s the victim!”
“I stand by my position and have made that quite clear to her.”
“Oh, resisting her, are you? She loves that even more, takes it as a personal challenge from what I hear.”
“I-…. yeah you’re probably right about that one. Even still, I think she’s backing off from all that by now. She hasn't seriously bugged me about helping out in a few weeks. There's been a little teasing here and there, but nothing quite like when I got here.”
I seem to have passed Emi's test and she visibly relaxes. A quick glance in the mirror tells me Mrs. Ibarazaki agrees. I know I shouldn't press my luck but I feel like I'm owed some revenge... “I think it’s because of you honestly.”
“Me? What did I do?”
“You became my girlfriend, of course!” A small part of me is embarrassed to say such a thing in front of her mom, but doing so catches Emi that much more off guard. Even though she’s doing her best to hide it, her cheeks are shining a bright red. Worth it.
The car comes to a stop. There’s a rather sharp bend up ahead and the few cars in front of us take their time with the turn. A vehicle passing by the turn catches my eye. An ambulance. It’s just cruising along quietly and yet my eyes still instantly lock onto it; maybe one day that’ll stop happening. Seeing it makes me think of being back in the hospital, when I'd hear the sirens of approaching ambulances several times an hour. If I sat up a little in my bed, I could see them offloading their cargoes of broken humans. Needless to say, I developed a bit of a slouch while I was there.
Emi quickly calls me back to reality. “So it
was because she was interested in you!” Whether or not she's joking I need to put the issue to bed here and now.
“No. That’s not it. I genuinely think she was trying to help me settle in. Getting help with student council work was just a nice bonus to her.” Emi looks like she wants to say something, but my earnest response seems to satisfy her. She fakes a pout and turns to look out the car window. I smile, satisfied by this outcome. She leans back again with her leg on the console; her mother seems to disapprove, but says nothing.
Emi and Mrs. Ibarazaki make small talk about shopping somewhere sometime for something, but the details slip in one ear and out the other. The car slowly inches forward as I stare at the scenery outside the window, and my mind is elsewhere.
Two days ago when I woke up next to Emi it felt like I was
actually next to her for the first time. For the longest time before the… incident… it felt like we were getting no closer to each other, no matter how hard we tried. As if there was this massive river in between us we had to paddle across to reach each other, and everytime it seemed like we were getting closer the rushing waters would pick up and we’d end up further away from each other than ever before. Now that we’ve made it across, we suddenly understand each other in a way we didn't before. A new beginning, maybe
the beginning.
The way the sunlight bounced off her bare skin. The genuine smile she wore. The fresh morning air. The cool refreshing feel of the bedsheets all around us. The whisper of the school grounds and nature just beyond making their way into the room. Everything was perfect -
She was perfect. I’m sure we have more to work on - it’s not like all of our issues vanished after one conversation after all - but I’ll be damned if I let that stop us now. Revisiting the moment makes me realize there was something I hadn't said, even though I should have. I turn to Emi, a rush of emotions giving me new confidence. “Emi, I love-”
Emi suddenly jolts back from the window. “MOM WA-”
Emi’s yell interrupts whatever I was trying to say, then my ears give out and it’s silent.
EMI?
My mind races to try to catch up as I’m overwhelmed by waves of new sensations. I’m jerked into the window next to me, my head screams in pain as the taste of iron fills my mouth...
What’s happening?
Then I hear my heartbeat… speeding up… Something in me whispers that I need to avoid freaking out, but I also hear who has to be Emi screaming…
Is she okay? I can’t tell! What happened? What-
The world goes by in a series of flashes… Loud squealing… Little blue dots dancing in every direction, clinking off of surfaces… Everything bounces and moves so much my eyes never manage to catch up… Random bouts of pain pop up on different sides of my body… At one point we might have been upside down but I can’t tell.
With every bounce, my vision blurs a little more... A dull pain in my chest flares to life, then it roars. A pain I remember all too well... It seems like I stopped moving finally, but my eyes catch up for only a moment before it all starts to fade.
Emi’s in front of me, the world a tornado behind her.
She’s bleeding.
Her prosthetic isn’t supposed to be on the dash.
Then nothing.
My eyelids feel like they are glued shut. I go to take a breath, and in return an onslaught of pain overwhelms my entire body as if it was slowly being crushed by an elephant. I barely even move in response, fearing it’ll make it worse. My head spins in the dark- it’s a good thing I’m not standing.
My blood runs cold when I hear the heart monitor- that same damn sound that permeated my life for months on end, the sound that became the background to the end of everything I knew, the sound that put my life in a stand still. And it’s back. I pry my eyes open only to immediately wish I hadn't because the bright lights of the room I'm in seem to pierce my very skull. They snap shut immediately- I might have groaned, or that’s just the elephant.
The pain fades to a dull soreness as my body gets used to it, then there’s a new sensation. Warm skin on my right hand. I’d recognize that soft, comforting touch anywhere. “Mom?” My voice is so dry and raspy I almost don’t hear myself say it.
Something stirs, then I feel her moving. “Hisao! Honey, wake up, Hisao’s up!”
Dad inhales deeply on the other side of the room. I guess I get the habit of taking a deep breath after waking up from him. A series of small thumps and grunting follow as he wakes up. Eventually the sound of a chair scrapes across the floor, jarringly loud “Huh- What? Hisao’s up?” The only response I can muster is another groan. His voice is thick with sleep, but it clears as he begins talking to Mom.
She tells Dad something about having - no - getting me a doctor. Doctor? Why do I need a doctor? The question dies silently in my achingly dry throat. I open my eyes again to try and follow the sounds of receding footsteps but it’s still painfully bright.
Mom says something I don’t quite catch but I get the tone. I close my eyes obediently and drift off again.
The next thing I know, someone's calling my name. It's my dad. I open my eyes and blink away the brightness. It's not so painful now and the room resolves itself quickly. There's a stranger in the room, a man wearing a white lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck. I nod to acknowledge him. The angle in front of me tells me I’m not laying flat, nor am I sitting up fully.
The doctor’s voice is sterile, dry, and crisp, just like everything around here.“I’ll be quick. Nod if you understand me.” I nod again and the small movement sets the whole world spinning again. This time, it only takes a moment for my head to clear.
“Do you remember what happened yesterday?”
Yesterday? I was at school, wait no. I must have been out a whole day. Then yesterday was… Oh god…
I can see the doctor's lips move but all I can hear is a throbbing in my ears and the frantic beeping of the HRM as it takes off at a sprint. "Emi!" I croak.
I feel Mom’s hand clasp tightly onto mine trying to convince it- me- to calm down. The doctor speaks up again, his serious tone slipping for a moment to let compassion peer through. “Easy now. Everyone is okay. The other two in the car with you are being discharged as we speak. You woke up at a convenient time to save me an extra trip.” I try to calm down but my heart is still beating pretty fast. My throat hurts.
“Wa- tuh- rhh.”
Mom shuffles around on my right. “Here son.” She holds up a styrofoam cup to my mouth, which I gratefully grab. The water is refreshingly cool and I end up having a coughing fit when I try to drink it too quickly.
I take a moment to catch my breath, then look around the room. Now that my eyes are finally used to the light, I realize I’m in a dimly lit hospital room that looks almost identical to the one I was stuck in before Yamaku. The most immediate difference is the window is on the other side of my bed and there is no light streaming in: a dark void. I turn to see my dad at the foot of the bed. “Easy there son. You just ha-” he catches himself, “Just take it easy.”
What was he going to say? You just have to take it easy? Doesn’t make sense to stop himself there. You just had another surgery? No, that's not right. You just had… had what?
I want to press him about what he was going to say, but my mind is busy racing with a thousand other thoughts and worries. I need to slow down and collect myself, then I can figure out what’s going on.
I try to take a deep breath, but it’s cut short as waves of pain shoot through my body. I take a few moments to recover, then with effort I sit up and start taking in the new yet eerily familiar room. My dad is still in his work suit and upon turning to see Mom, I can tell she’s in pretty much the same situation. Their hair is not exactly a mess, but it isn’t clean-looking either, and they both look tired and worried. They look exactly like they did when I first woke up after Iwanako’s confession. Different room. Different day. Different town. Different me. Even a different school. Yet I’m back in a hospital bed.
The one I’m on now isn’t quite as fancy as the first. The sides are just metal railing that remind me of viewing platforms - except I’m on the wrong side - they also only reach just above my waistline. My first one had ledges for each section of the bed that moved as it adjusted position, alongside one at the foot of the bed. Compared to my first one, this one seems low tech. Maybe it doesn’t have a weight sensor like that first one. Despite everything, I still felt deeply embarrassed by
that incident. Probably was the strongest emotion I had felt, beyond despair, in my months there. This bed is also slightly wider and the part where my back is has been inclined so I’m partially upright. . After sitting up, I can see why they’d have me lean back more; sitting is entirely uncomfortable and borderline painful. Maybe I’ll be able to reposition myself at night in this one easier than that first one… depending on how long I’m trapped here.
I take another drink of water, then play yesterday’s events back through my mind rapidly: the conversation with Shizune, meeting up with Emi, her mom picking us up, shopping, food preparation, getting in the car, driving, and finally…
As the details of yesterday slowly trickle in I realize the doctor has been carefully watching me this entire time, probably timing me to see how long it takes for me to get my head out of the clouds. “What… happened?” My voice is still dry, like I’d been screaming for a couple hours. Maybe I had done some screaming - hard to tell - either way I begin to sound a bit more like me.
The doctor takes a seat across from my parents, his face and body language giving no indication of the mood we should be in. “You were in a car crash, which triggered ventricular fibrillation and subsequent cardiac arrest.”
Another heart attack? Dad winces - that’s probably what he was going to say earlier. The doctor drones on for a while but I tune him out just as quickly as I did the ones back home when I realize he’s going on one of
those rants. Large medical words, could haves, close calls, lucky this, unlucky that. I’ve heard it all before. Basically, this could have been a lot worse- and one day it will be. Taking another look around I see a few wires chaining me to the monitors nearby: a couple to my left wrist, one to an oxygen tube around my head, and the rest onto a set of patches on my chest. The fact it's only this much makes me at least feel more like me and less like a test subject.
I finally interrupt him. “Emi? Is Emi okay? And… her mom?” Even though my voice isn’t quite as dry anymore, talking is still a little painful. I have to stop every few words to let the pain subside.
He sighs. Just as I remember, the only other emotion I ever seem to see from medical personnel on a regular basis seems to be dissatisfaction. I can’t tell if he is unhappy with being interrupted or if it was my question specifically, but I don’t think it matters either way. “Mrs. Ibarazaki and her daughter are fine. As I said, they were cleared to leave not long ago. In fact I was the one to discharge them myself. They said they were eager to see you as soon as I allowed it. I’m sure they’ll be here after they finish up the last of their paperwork.”
They were just discharged? How long has it been exactly? He said “yesterday” earlier so that must be when the crash happened. They were admitted to the hospital at the same time as me then, but had to stay overnight for some reason or another-
“My concern is you. This event wasn’t as bad as your first attack from what I’ve read,...”
Which means they were hurt, but not terribly badly right? That must be a good thing. But just how badly were they hurt?
His tone and posture take a slightly more serious turn so my focus is pulled back to him. “... but I can not stress how detrimental this attack still was. An ambulance was able to reach you significantly quicker this time around and surgery wasn't immediately necessary in your recovery, but that doesn’t mean you got out unscathed. If you had not received immediate treatment… well, things may have ended differently.”
Treatment? Maybe I received CPR or something, which would explain the pain in my chest every time I reset my death clock… funny that. Emi and I had been talking while waiting for her mom to pick us up and she had made a joke about death clocks.
“Everyone’s a minute or two from death. Breathing just resets your own death clock!” I had tried to argue it didn’t make sense because we’d pass out and breathe naturally long before death, but she had stood her ground. The idea of the end never being very far away seems to have stuck with me just as much as that stupidly adorable grin of hers. I mean, I already knew that of course. If I’ve gained nothing else from this past year it’s the knowledge I am basically at death’s door every day if I’m not careful, and even if I am it might not matter. But something about the way Emi so morbidly described everyone as being equally so close to death clicked with me in a way I still haven’t quite figured out.
I was so caught up in my own thoughts I almost missed what he said next. “Despite that, your cardiologist still believes that a pacemaker or ICD may be necessary going forward.”
That sounds serious. A
pacemaker? Aren’t those mainly for like, old people with weak-... Oh. I don’t know what an ICD is but I can probably assume it means similar things. “You'll want to discuss that with him as soon as you can.” The doctor shifts slightly, then changes topics. “Imaging miraculously-”
tch- “shows no damage to the heart muscle or to the brain from the loss of blood flow, though there are indicators of a minor concussion.”
He goes over concussion protocol with me, far too swiftly for someone who's just had a concussion to follow. The only thing I take away from it is that there's nothing he can do to help my brain get better. Thanks.
“You've also got a number of broken ribs, as I'm sure you've noticed. As with the concussion, all medical science can do is manage the pain. Avoid strenuous exercise too. It’ll take about 6 to 8 weeks for you to recover fully from your injuries.”
Great, all of summer and then some. “We’d also like to keep you in the hospital for observation this week. It became clear upon initial examination that we could manage your care here after the crash and transfer to the larger facility near your school would be unnecessary.” Wait, so where am I? We weren’t terribly far from the city as far as I can recall, and I know that the hospital near the school isn’t the only one in the area, but I’m still in the dark here. “...and after talking with your parents we agreed that this would be the best course of action.”
I’m stuck in the hospital again. It’s only a week; they aren’t stealing months of my life this time. I think I can handle that. I wish Emi were here- wait, didn’t he say… Then it strikes me the position I am in. I slowly turn to my parents, both are here. They are here. I mean, I don’t know exactly where here is, but we can’t be too far from Yamaku, and that’s a good few hours from our home. “You guys came all the way… out here?”
My mom’s face seems to swell up for a moment before she bursts out laughing. “Of course we’re here, Hicchan!” After she says that my mind tries to imagine her laugh containing a lot more wa’s before the ha’s and her hair morphing into mining equipment, but the vision fades quickly.
While she tries to get herself under control, Dad chimes in. “Where else would we be?”
Their presence is comforting, as is my mom’s use of my nickname. She has always used it for me unless things were really serious, like last time I was in a hospital. That she’s able to relax so soon this time must be a good sign. Maybe I look better than I feel.
I face forward again and Dad is barely holding back a laugh too, but he also has a tear on his cheek. “Dad?”
He quickly wipes it away and straightens himself. “Your mother’s right. There’s no reason we wouldn’t be here.”
“...Work though, what-”
Mom lifts my hand slowly, then says, “One day isn’t going to ruin us. We know what we’re doing.” I want to argue, but any energy I did have is draining from me right through that hand. Is that some sort of spell mothers learn after giving birth?
Another series of thoughts catch up in my mind; Emi might be coming here, right now, and my parents are here. If they meet here, like this, because of me… I take a painful breath. I don’t think it can be helped. It’s not like luck’s been on my side much as of late anyways.
I drag my mind back to the situation in front of me for the time being. I don’t know why I didn’t expect to see my parents here, but it feels nice to finally see them again. “Thank you for coming,” I eventually say.
Before anyone can say anything else, there's a soft knock at the door, then a voice calls a question. "Hisao? Was that you?"
I look towards the door, recognizing the voice immediately. A wave of emotions flood my mind. “Emi! I-” Only one emotion survives: hurt.
I finally see her and for the second time today I feel glacial runoff replace my blood. She’s in a wheelchair with her mother standing behind her, pushing. Emi’s pale. There's a bunch of small scratches and bruises covering the parts of her body I can see but there’s one cut above her right eye that looks like it needed stitches. What strikes me most however, is her left leg. It’s wrapped in gauze.
Is her leg why they were kept overnight? What else could it be? Mrs. Ibarazaki seems mostly fine and is even pushing her. I don’t see anything else wrong with Emi, so it must be her leg.
Emi gave me the same once over I gave her but she must have caught what I was staring at because her face twists a moment, then settles into a blank, foreboding mask. I’ve seen that mask a few too many times. Then the thought that’s been threatening to take over ever since I heard what had happened finally comes to focus: Emi and I were in a car crash and I almost
died right in front of her.
Silence falls over us with almost physical force, and I know neither of us will be able to break it with our parents present. Luckily Mrs. Ibarazaki saves the day. “You must be Hisao’s parents. My name is Meiko Ibarazaki.” She gives a strained bow. She also has some scratches and bruises, but I don’t see any major injuries. She must be sticking around for Emi’s sake.
My parents had stood up at some point already. “Miharuko Nakai.” Mom was always more likely to keep up appearances. She’s a hard worker through and through and, from what I’ve been told, she's a slave driver in the workplace. Still, she was always kind and compassionate at home - when she was home.
“Yuju Nakai, pleasure to meet you.” They both bow deeply. My dad’s voice is rather quiet, to the point where people sometimes ask if he’s really invested in the conversation. I worry the same thing happens at work, but he did get a promotion just the same as Mom in the end. That’s all the proof I need to know how hard they work. Unlike Mom, the few coworkers of his I’ve met have described him as pretty much the same person I’ve come to know at home. I just wish I could have seen them more often.
The last time the three of us were able to all enjoy a full day’s worth of meals together at once was about two weeks after I first woke up. They made it a whole thing; chose a day they knew my friends wouldn’t be able to visit, made sure their schedules were completely clear, and triple checked with the doctors that I’d be in good enough condition in between surgeries and recovery to be able to participate the whole day. Huh, I guess I don’t
only have bad memories of that place.
Before that day though, it had been years maybe. One or both of them almost always missed lunch, and then if one did manage to catch that they would end up missing dinner. Dinner was barely ever an option for either of them in any case which meant a lot of homemade meals left in the fridge for me. I always found it funny that Mom always seemed to be on such a tight schedule - or sleep deprived - yet she still took the time to prepare meals for Dad and I in the morning. I didn’t appreciate it as much as I should’ve back then.
The doctor stands up. “Well I’ve said all I need to say for now so if any of you have any questions feel free to approach me with them.” He gives my parents and I a quick bow, then turns to Emi and Mrs. Ibarazaki to give them an equally courteous goodbye before leaving. Mrs. Ibarazaki is standing more stiffly than usual, but it doesn’t seem to be due to discomfort with the situation. Is something else going on?
I look back at Emi after the doctor leaves and have to stifle a laugh. Something about the way she's sitting feels absurd to me - stiff-backed and straight in her chair, hands clasped tidily on her lap, mouth and face drawn into a tight mask. It's so far from the noisy, relaxed Emi I know that once more, I can't help but wonder what's happened.
My mom breaks the silence, “Hicchan, you want to introduce us to your friend?”
I feel the blood rush right to my cheeks. “Right uhm… Mom, Dad,” I take a short breath, “I’d like to introduce you to Emi… Ibarazaki. My girlfriend.”
Emi’s face reddens a little as she gives as much of a bow as possible while sitting down. “Nice to meet you.” Her greeting is quick and precise. It feels so unlike her that - again -I’d laugh if I wasn’t feeling just as awkward as she is. My parents give another polite bow, then exchange a glance.
I don’t have time to ponder its significance because my dad turns to face me. “We’ll give you guys some privacy. We’ll be back before we need to leave but we’re glad you’re okay, Hisao.” His voice softens more, not in the usual way either; it’s more like he lacks the ability to speak in a precise manner, but not to the point of slurring his words. I’ve heard him like that only a few times, and almost always after a long day at work that knocks him out until his next shift.
“You’re leaving tonight?” Luckily the lingering dryness in my throat masks any hurt that might’ve otherwise crept through.
“Unfortunately we weren’t able to get tomorrow off, and since you are doing better we can’t afford to push it any further than we have. We’ll have some time to talk later, I’m sure.” He turns to face Emi and her mother. “It was a pleasure to meet you two and I hope we have the opportunity to talk more in the future.”
“The pleasure is ours.” Mrs. Ibarazaki steps to the side to let my parents pass and as she does, she winces, but only for a moment. As my mom passes she whispers to me, “She’s very pretty Hicchan,” before giving a wink.
“Mom!” I hiss. She smiles and trots off to catch up with Dad.
I take a moment watching their backs like a hawk to make sure she doesn’t pull any more tricks on her way out. After they round the corner, my whole body seems to unwind of its own accord and I must slump an inch or two deeper into the bed. When did I get so tense? Did it start when Emi arrived? No, it must’ve been earlier.
Emi’s mother is the first to speak, “I didn’t expect to meet your parents like this.”
“Yeah- It’s not how I imagined that going either. Honestly, I was surprised to see them here at all.” That’s a conversation I actually want to avoid right now. Why did I say that? On the bright side, speaking is slowly getting easier and easier. The pain is still there; I’m just getting used to it, but my voice is definitely still strained.
“How long have you been up?” Thanks Mrs. Ibarazaki. I owe you one, not that you know why.
“Just woke up not too long before you two got here.”
“Well I guess we got lucky then. I don’t know if Emi would’ve been able to introduce herself to your parents as your girlfriend!”
“Mom!”
Mrs. Ibarazaki chuckles to herself. Maybe she knows Emi better than me because I had the opposite thought. “Well, I’m glad you’re doing okay, Hisao. I’ll make myself scarce. I might talk with your folks if I see them. Text me if you need anything, Emi.” With that, she leaves us. Emi at my bedside in a wheelchair, me bound to my bed. The two of us alone in the room.
Emi visibly sags in a way I’ve never seen. Her eyes droop and the bright and cheerful girl I saw this morn- yesterday morning vanishes completely. “How are you holding up?” I ask, not that I really need an answer.
She gives a hint of a smirk before saying, “Better than you by the looks of it.”
“Haha, very funny.” I smile sarcastically back at her, but don’t dare allow myself to even chuckle.
She wheels herself over to me and grabs my hand. “Honestly Hisao, I’m tired. I don’t think I’ve slept a wink since we got here, unlike you doing your best sleeping beauty cosplay. We only heard about your condition late last night thanks to Mom being able to come and see you, and ever since then it’s been one meeting after another, not to mention the process to clear us. Then there was all the damn paperwork… Ugh.”
So their long stay did have something to do with Emi, and it’s likely because of her leg.
I squeeze her hand back, and even just this causes the muscles in my arms to scream. “It’s not like I planned... to sleep that long. I thought maybe I’d just take a cat nap, but here we are.” I manage to get a smile out of her. “Seriously though, you okay?”
“Hisao. I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Memories of the last couple weeks run through my mind and send a shiver down my spine. “Just… can we just relax for now?”
I let out a sigh and say, “On one condition.”
“Hmm?”
“We will talk about it. It doesn’t have to be... today, or even tomorrow, but- well I’m not going anywhere this week.” I can see a war of thoughts going through her head, then there’s a victor.
“Fine.”
“Good.”
We sit, silently holding hands. In spite of everything, I feel as relaxed as I can be and apparently, so does Emi: her eyes droop shut after a few minutes.
I ease my hand free and take advantage of my first moment alone to give myself a quick inspection. There's a few noticeable scratches here and there and my chest is one giant bruise. I discover a a nasty-looking contusion on my leg and a bump on the side of my head, too.
No wonder I'm so sore.
My eyes drift back to Emi. She’s wearing her light pink shirt - or at least one of them - with a light orange blouse on top of it and some beige shorts that reach her lower thigh. The cut above her eye has some discoloration around it, but it doesn’t look quite so bad. I get another flash of the crash, the last moment I saw before my lights went out; her face with blood dripping down it, her eyes filled with a specific type of terror I wish I had never seen before. It reminds me of that night, of Iwanako. My chest tightens a little. I never want to see her- anyone, like that again.
Not that I can help it.
In the chair, Emi stirs a little and I hastily grab her hand again. "Hisao..."
"Yeah?"
“I’m tired.”
Right.
I take note of what’s around me: A couple chairs, a bench against the wall, and the wheelchair Emi is in. Nothing looks like it’d be comfortable to sleep in. Far too late, it strikes me what the obvious answer is. “I can make some room up here for you. Just be careful… around the ribs.” Definitely taking a risk here since I haven’t been able to clear the bed of the possibility it has weight sensors in it just yet, but it seems safe to me. Hopefully.
She nods, eyes half-closed, and a delicate ballet begins. I have to move over as much as I can without disturbing the tubes and wires and without jarring my ribs too much. Emi, I notice, is being very careful not to use her left leg as she climbs into a bed not meant to be climbed into, let alone hold a second person.
Eventually, we get as comfortable as we're ever going to get and within minutes, Emi's breathing slows. She must have been really tired. The warmth of her body soothes something deeper inside of me.
Even still, I almost died right in front of Emi and even worse, it was in a car crash. I-... I can’t be thinking about this right now.
I focus on Emi again. She’s curled up next to me with her hand resting on my stomach. I look at her face to see that all the tension and worry seems to have melted away leaving only her behind. Even in this dimly lit room her skin is glowing. She's… “...Beautiful.”
“She is, isn’t she?” My eyes widen for a moment and the rhythmic beeps pick up in tow. I look over to see Mom standing in the doorway.
“What are you-”
“Shhh.” She points to Emi and I go still. She shows no signs of waking so I calm down, though it takes an effort.
I lower my voice still, just barely above a whisper. “How long have you been there?”
Her face is stricken by sadness, then she glances at the ground for just a moment before saying, “Just a second is all. Your dad got a call from the office; they could really use him back early in the morning.” I glance at the clock to see it’s nearly ten o’clock at night.
“Already?” She nods. There’s a momentary pang in my chest but it passes quickly. The machines I’m hooked up to don’t react, so I suppose the pang had nothing to do with my physical well-being.
“We’d stay if we could,” she sighs, then walks over to me and looks me in the eye. “You know we love you, right?”
I nod vigorously, not trusting myself to speak, and she kisses my forehead. Straightening up, my mom says, “We’ll try to visit over the weekend, even if we only get one day off this week.”
“Okay. Thanks, for coming.”
She smiles and walks back over to the door. “Oh and Hicchan?” She turns back and for a moment she looks lost in thought, then it passes.
“Yes?”
“You two really are cute together.”
“Goodbye Mom.”
She giggles and her footsteps fade into the hospital buzz.
My head rests against the pillow. With nothing more interesting to look at, I stare at the ceiling. I’ve only just woken up, but I can already tell my body and mind are done with today. The panels here are slightly longer than the ones at the old hospital- heh, old habits die hard. I studied those things relentlessly before I got a hold of some books. Almost half a year later, I can recall the exact layout of that place far better than I know even my own room at Yamaku. Nothing ever changed in the hospital room, except for the pile of flowers that shrunk to nothing as they withered and died. I stroke Emi’s hair, it seems to calm me down rather well. My eyelids grow heavy. Maybe… I’ll just rest them… for a moment.
I’m woken up by a strained grunting that I immediately recognize. My eyes open to a still-dim room, maybe a little darker than earlier. I lower my head to the side and see Emi's face in the dim light. Her teeth are clenched and she seems tense, even in sleep. She mumbles something and rolls into my chest a little, setting off sparks in my tender ribs. I manage to twist myself just enough to stroke her forehead - it’s a painful challenge - but it seems to work because after a short while, she falls still again. I finally release a breath of my own.
I barely have time to relax before a voice in the darkness calls out, “That was amazing.”
Startled, I jump and the sudden motion makes me hiss in pain. Damn these ribs! Emi's mother emerges from the darkness, rubbing sleep from her eyes but looking concerned as she looms over me.
“Are you ok? Do you want me to call a doctor?”
Moving gingerly, I wave her offer aside. “I’m fine, thanks. You just startled me.” Emi’s mom still looks worried so I quickly change the topic. “What was amazing?”
“I’ve never managed to calm her down like that. When the nightmares start, she always wakes up. If I don’t shake her awake she’d be screaming and crying in minutes. Even when I do…” Her eyes drop to the ground for a moment; whatever memories she’s reliving must be rather painful for her. I’ve only experienced this thing one other time - I can’t imagine years of seeing that.
“Maybe I just got lucky and this one wasn’t quite so bad.”
“I don’t think so. You’ve done a lot for her, you know?”
“Have I?” I wonder if she can tell my cheeks are burning.
“You have.” The certainty and bluntness in her voice scares me a little. “Things have been rough for her since… well, I’m glad she found you.”
“We sort of found each other. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for her. I’d definitely… be in a lot worse shape, that's for sure.” I mean that in a few ways, but I guess the obvious is easiest to see.
She giggles briefly. “Yeah, she’d never let her boyfriend
not be in shape, I’ll agree with you there. If she didn't have you out on the track, she'd be managing your diet for you with an iron fist.” I can already see the stack of papers and nutritional labels. A shiver runs down my spine. “Not so much herself though…” We both chuckle at that, but I quickly regret it. My chest yells at me and Emi’s mom quickly apologizes. “Sorry.”
“Isn’t laughter supposed to be the best medicine?” I say as I wave it off.
“Only for people without broken ribs.”
“What time is it?”
“Almost one.”
“You don’t need to get home?”
“Not urgently, and it looks like she needed this. You did too by the looks of it.”
“I’m not exactly lacking… in the sleep department right now.”
“You just had a heart attack, Hisao. You need rest.”
“You sound like the Nurse.”
She laughs a little louder this time. Emi stirs, then settles down after a tense moment. Her mother smiles. “If I had a five yen coin for every time I’ve heard that one…”
“You’d be rich?” I offer.
“I’d be able to afford a soda.”
I shoot her a quick smile then relax against the bed again. Maybe I should rest, but knowing Mrs. Ibarazaki is in the room as well makes it a little harder. It’s not the first time I’d be sleeping in a hospital with a strange audience present, but definitely the first time with that audience being my girlfriend’s mother. I take a deep breath that quickly turns painful before switching to shallow breaths. I’ve had just about enough of this pain. Even without moving I can feel the soreness throughout my body weighing me down.
The reality of the situation begins to finally sink in. We were in a
crash. I still don’t know the details, but it probably wasn’t too bad since I’m the only one of us still checked in to the hospital. If it weren’t for my heart we’d all be going home by now. I can almost hear Emi scolding me for shouldering all the blame for keeping us all here. I internally sigh at myself. It can’t be helped.
“You still up, Hisao?”
“Yeah.”
“I wanted to thank you. For everything you’ve done for Emi. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen her genuinely relaxed like she has since getting closer to you.” Mrs Ibarazaki looks somber. She opens her mouth a couple of times as though she's got something to say, but in the end says nothing.
“She hasn’t had other boyfriends?” Wait, Why’d I ask that? I must be more exhausted than I realize because that was a really stupid thing to ask.
“You seriously want to talk about that?” I silently thank the gods for an out.
“Fair point. What about… friends in general? Like Rin or the captain of… the track team.”
“None like you.”
“I uhh… Thanks.”
“Just do me one favor, yeah?”
“What might that be?”
“Stick with her.”
“That’s what I told her I’d do, even if she tried to get rid of me. I meant what I… said.”
“These next few weeks will probably be really hard on her. So please just try and hold on, no matter what happens. I know she loves you.”
Is something more serious going on? Maybe…
“Is it because of the crash? Old wounds?”
“No… well a little, probably. It wasn’t pleasant. I’m sure there's something there with that too; I meant it when I said she treats it like it wasn’t a big deal, the first crash I mean, but-… I think I should let her talk to you about it.” Genuine sadness takes hold in her eyes. Worry even. She looks towards Emi and I think I know what she’s looking at.
“Her leg?”
“I’m gonna let her talk to you about it when she’s ready.”
I-… guess that’s fair.
“I see.”
Neither of us speak for a little. The monitor is quieter right now so either I already got used to it again or it was turned down. “Goodnight Hisao.” It strikes me that Emi’s mother might be just as worn out as us. I couldn’t see any major injuries on her earlier, but she did seem to be struggling to keep up appearances.
“Goodnight Mrs. Ibarazaki.” It doesn’t take much longer for my body to completely shut down again. Emi’s warmth makes all the soreness and pain in my body worth it.
----------------
“...talk about…” My senses start to reach my tired brain one by one. The tone sounds serious and my immediate, guilt-inducing instinct is to not move an inch and try to listen in as much as I can.
“...Hisao doesn’t need…” Emi?
I can’t breathe too well in this position- it won’t take long for my lungs to demand fresher air now that I’m awake.
“...and deserve are different… and you know it.” Her mom.
Silence.
I wait as long as my body allows me, then stir to let them know I'm waking up. My lungs quickly fill with the cool, open air. Whatever they were talking about is forgotten when they notice me. I have to blink a few times to make her out but Emi's smiling face is the first thing I see, silhouetted by the daylight streaming in through the window. She’s moved to the other side of me.
She gives my hand a squeeze and I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. "Did you sit there on purpose?"
Whatever she was about to say dies in her throat. "Huh?" She looks adorably puzzled.
"You just look good with the light behind you. Was that on purpose?"
Emi smiles even wider and my heart swells. Then, Emi's mom laughs from somewhere nearby. "It might have been."
She sounds like she's smiling too but the happy mood is shattered, at least for Emi. The mask I saw yesterday comes back with brutal speed and I ask for a glass of water to cover the sudden awkwardness.
“What time is it?” I can still see the creases under her eyes, but she doesn’t let whatever is causing them to reach her voice in the slightest. One of many signs I managed to pick up on, though it was the most common.
“About a quarter till ten. You musta been real tired huh?”
Her mom cuts in, “You’ve only been up for what, thirty minutes?”
“Earlier’s earlier.” Her voice is almost painful compared to the silence my body demands, but something about it makes me feel warm inside despite everything.
Are we gonna settle back into this song and dance?
I pull Emi’s hand in for a kiss, give it a quick rub, then struggle into a sitting position. There was a lot more grunting than I had hoped for. My limbs still feel like they are made of lead and I have to take care not to breathe too deeply lest I set off fireworks in my chest. Briefly, I wonder what painkillers I'm on and whether I can have any more.
Mrs. Ibarazaki straightens herself and I manage to catch a flash of pain on her face. Then she says, “It’s good you woke when you did. Emi and I have to make a trip back to Yamaku today.”
“Oh? What for?”
“She’s gonna be wheelchair bound for a little while again,” Emi’s jaw tightens ever so slightly, “...so just getting everything ready for that. There’s just a few small things to take care of since she won’t be staying there this summer, but they still need to be done. It won’t take much time, then afterwards I need to check in with work and make sure everything at home is in order. I also need to take care of my car.”
Emi clearly doesn’t want to talk about it, and I don’t want to start a fight in front of her mom.
“How bad is it?”
“Not very. Well that’s a lie. Technically it’s totaled, but it won’t take too long to replace, and I didn’t lose anything in it really. In the meantime I’ve got a rental to work with… apparently. Been meaning to get a new one too- car I mean. Gotta thank the Satous for that one.” She chuckles to herself.
Satou? As in Lilly Satou? What does her family have to do with Mrs. Ibarazaki’s car?
“I haven’t quite gotten the details of what happened yet…”
Emi’s mother stands up and gives an apologetic bow. “I am sorry, Hisao. I wish I could fill you in right now, but we really must be going.” Something about her stance is a little off, but I can’t pinpoint what it is.
Emi turns to me. “Sorry Hisao, I’ll see you later, yeah?” I give her hand another quick squeeze and nod.
We’ll deal with whatever this is later too. Her mother moves the wheelchair closer and gives Emi a hand sitting back down into it.
“See you later Emi. I- uh… I love you.”
“I love you too, Hisao.” Both of our cheeks turn a light shade of pink. Her mother seems amused by this exchange, then they set off.
Not long after they leave a doctor comes in the room to check up on me. He informs me I am free to wander the room, but would appreciate it if I kept myself attached to the various monitors as much as I am able and for at least the entire first day. He had a nurse take me on a tour to the bathrooms, the emergency call buttons, vending machines, cafeteria, and everything else I have come to expect from a hospital. The nurse said they would normally do this sort of thing shortly after a patient wakes up, but it was pretty late last night and I was already asleep again when they tried.
I realize I still don’t have any books; I should text Emi to grab me a few from my room while she’s there. I left my phone on the table so I’ll do it when I get back. Even though we were probably only walking for about twenty minutes, my body feels completely drained. Every breath is a workout of its own. I return to my room and send Emi the message. The nurse was hesitant to do an actual walking tour at first, but I pretty much forced their hand. At least this way I got to find out how bad I am physically. Pretty bad, as it turns out.
Not that there’s a chance in hell I’d be able to, but going on a run right now is more appealing than anything else. I could really use something to clear my mind and nothing seems to work as well as a good run anymore. The thought drains my remaining mental energy as well.
“I’ve only been doing this for a few weeks. Emi’s got years of it behind her. I wonder how she’s…” Her leg wrapped in gauze goes through my mind again. Last night she didn’t use it at all for leverage getting on the bed and she was barely awake. This morning she was still favoring her right leg. I know I’m doing it again, trying to reach my own conclusions before Emi talks to me, but I can’t help it.
“I suppose I’ll just have to wait.”
I trudge over to the window and take a seat. The hospital is on a hill that's nowhere near as high as the one Yamaku was built on but I still have a lovely view of the sun dappling a grassy field nearby. Perfect day for running as well. Damn.
My mind bounces between three different thoughts for some time. The crash. My last time in the hospital. And Emi. So much has changed these last few months but I realize just then that I wouldn't change any of it.
I mean, of course I’d have preferred not to end up having a heart attack. Not spending months watching everyone close to me drift away would’ve been nice as well. Then the shock of being sent off to Yamaku was certainly unpleasant at first. Plus I’d prefer not to have arrhythmia, period. But in the end I found Emi. A smile makes its way across my face.
Yeah, could’ve gone worse.
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Table of Contents |
Next Scene: Broken Glass Part 2
And there we have it. This has been a very long journey. I started work on Uncertainty 2 months ago today and I am very glad I can start bringing it to everyone here today. Scene 1 ended up being significantly longer than I expected and at the advice of my editor, I split it up into 2 parts. In total Scene 1 is nearly 24k words long. This is the shorter half of the two clocking in at 9750 words, more or less.
I hope to get Part two out in a reasonable time, but I want to make sure I have the next scene ready before I post this one, so Scene 2 is my current project. It's unlikely that another Scene will reach this length for quite some time so unless something changes this will be the only split scene for some time.
I want to once again thank Stiles for the incredible amount of work you've put into editing this. BristerXD for the help and feedback from the beginning. Talmar for the additional help and feedback after Brister. Feurox for the advice. ProfAllister for the consolidated calendar of events. And everyone on discord for the warm welcome! See you in Scene 1 Part 2!
and it's only scene 1 so far... 
