Dreams

[Negi]

Like I said - Music dictates when I write.

Why did I dream about Shizune? It’s weird. I had only 3 hours of sleep, but normally those are spent either dreaming of something else, but last night… was different. Shizune and I were sitting on a bench in the courtyard. She was signing to me, as she would, but when I went to speak awkwardly, I could not. I could see her lips moving with the words as well, as I had done when I signed a few words to her. I couldn’t understand anything she was signing now. I started frantically shaking my head and hands, sort of a ‘Stop!’ in the best way I could. I tried to think of anything to ask with. I could only remember a few basic signs. Then I thought of something abstract – charades.

I held up five fingers, and pointed to my mouth. She seemed to follow. I held up one finger then tugged on my ear. She looked at me odd, as if I was doing something far out of the ordinary. Well, damned if I wasn’t, but I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I pointed to myself. She shrugged. I pointed straight at my eye. Now she was catching on. She nodded. She signed ‘I’ back to me, or at least what I thought was ‘I.’ I held up two fingers. I started shaking my head, and making the sign for “No.” She nodded once again, signing back with “I No.” I held up three fingers. She nodded. I held my right hand level, and started dipping my left underneath it. She made a sign which I assumed was “Under.” She collated “I No Under.” Then I held up four fingers, and simply stood. She looked at me oddly, so I sat back down. Pointing to my hip area with each hand, I followed the motion of my hips with my hands. She stood, and I nodded. “I No Under Stand,” with signs was what I received back. I held up all five fingers, and pointed at her. I made the sign for “You” as well. “I No Under Stand You,” she signed. It dawned on her that I had no idea what she was saying. She started signing a few more quick phrases back to me, but I simply hung my head and sighed. I couldn’t understand a thing she was signing, and suddenly felt very distant from the world.

Was this how Shizune felt when away from Misha, or anyone who could sign, for that matter? To feel so detached? No, not detached was not the word. Alone, that was it. I felt like a lone lighthouse in the vast sea of the world. I don’t know why, but I began to cry. Perhaps out of this new feeling of loneliness, or just out of fear, but I began to sob into my hands. Shizune moved closer to me and pulled her arms around me. I cried against the shoulder of her blouse, clinging to her for just the slightest bit of relief from the loneliness I felt. She leaned her head against mine.
“I hope you never feel this way.”
My eyes shot open in the darkness of the night. I was in my dorm room. I looked around, and pinched myself to make sure I was awake.
“Ow!” I exclaimed, rubbing the tender spot. I shouldn’t have pinched so hard. But I was awake, and I was able to speak and hear myself. I looked to my clock. I had fallen asleep late that night, around 1:30 AM. It was now 4:34 AM.

It’s going to be a long day.

edit1: broke up into paragraphs (common problem for me.)

[Deimos]

Well, you took some advice from the last fanfiction you wrote and posted here and tried to include character development. I am not saying that it is done horribly but I cannot shake off my feeling that you may have a slight misconception about Shizune.

Her main appeal to many people, as far as I get it, is her strength to live with her disability and be a superb leader despite the ailments destiny has blessed her with.

Hisao is not overly supposed to feel sorry for Shizune but rather for himself.

Away from characterisation and on to your piece of writing.
Paragraphs would be nice. Not only for the sake of order but also to convey changes in the mood of the displayed characters in a better way. Hisao becoming emotional without any break is simply too much suspension of disbelief to ask for from a reader. Blocks of text hurt a story, which is trying to invigorate something within its readers, through a sheer overload of informatio that seems to be happening at the same time.

[Negi]

This was just what I woke up to this morning Seriously. That was a crazy dream. Maybe I shouldn't mix caffeine with my medications. Needless to say it wasn't all bad.
But yes, I do have a major editing problem when it comes to paragraph separation. My grammar is good but my spacing, terrible. Quite funny. And re-reading it I do see that I guess I played it off as feeling sorry for Shizune rather than himself feeling helpless and distant from the world. NOT AS PLANNED!