Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[marantana]

My oncology knowledge is limited. I am a biochemist, and I did work at Novartis at the time they introduced Gleevec and some breast cancer stuff, so that's only what I learned on the fly.

Well, Vienna... it's the second largest German speaking city (after Berlin), and it was the capital of one of the big world empires back in the times. So yes, there's a lot of culture and science going on and there are many headquarters of international organisations here (parts of the UN, UNHCR and many others). Since after WW2 it's always been under social democrat city government so everything that's good for the "99%" works very well here. Despite the far-right state governments we sometimes had (and presently have). "Far right" meaning Trump or a bit worse. On Mercer's ranking of "cities worth living in" Vienna has been #1 in the world for 10 consecutive years now.

All that said, it's a city of ~2 Mio inhabitants and like all metropoles it does have ugly sides too. But at least the violent crime rate is very low and it's no problem even for young girls to walk the streets at night alone.

So yes, it's worth visiting.

[Hacksorus]

Walrusfella, I'm glad to hear that you're doing all right. I can't imagine how I'd react to such news, but it sounds as if you're handling it just as well as anyone really good. We may never have even talked before, but I have such deep emotional roots in this obscure community that I empathize with your story more than I would with most people. Rambling aside, I'm rooting for you.

Razoredge, your situation sounds pretty complicated, and there's not too much to go by here. I'm glad to hear that you stood up for yourself in some sense, though; in order to get respect from others, sometimes you first have to show them that you don't have time for those who won't respect you.

[Walrusfella]

Thank you Hacksorus, that was very kind to say. It's really heartening to have an old KS hand like you pulling for me. I'm trying the best I can to do this well; some moments I'm resilient and behaving as I hope to, and some moments (hopefully fewer) I catch myself being small and resentful and scared. I've got my first post-diagnosis appointment with my haematologist in a couple of days, so I hope to get some more answers and plan longer term.

Marantana, that sounds like interesting work! I've added Vienna to the list of places I'd like to go. I've been able to cross a few off in the past few years, but since getting this problem I've felt the urge to travel more and see more places.

[FrauPerchta]

Seems like I keep coming back here; from when I was... what? Fourteen? On an account I don't even remember? Something about... its not even about the game, but this thread. These people. I don't know any of you, but you mean a lot to me. I'm so grateful this is still here.

So, I guess I end up here when things are bad; like you do. Still haven't done much about being trans; its been years. My antidepressants barely work and I've been diagnosed with paranoid personality disorder, which basically means my brain is constantly making shit up. Someone walks up the stairs? Check to make sure the door is locked so they don't come in and hurt me! Shower curtains; pure evil, something's behind there. Its so frustrating to wake up at 3 am hungry because I haven't eaten all day and be too afraid to leave my room. I'm so scared of... myself? Used to be just anxiety but now, I'm not even afraid of failure, I'm afraid of getting obsessed with challenges that arent real when I've already got enough on my plate. I have a 10 page essay due thursday; would be fine, if I didn't also have another essay, a take home test, and finals next week. What the heck are they trying to do to me?

My grades aren't great and its frustrating because I'm better than that. Like, I know what I'm capable of but then something makes me not like myself anymore and I'm just useless. I hate it, and I wanna change and escape. Hopefully I'll be able to move back home to Austria in a few years, once I save up some money. I wanna get a PhD there, just one more year before I get my bachelor's in economics. I won't even be 21 yet (like that stops anyone). Its weird; I didn't think adulthood would be like this. I don't feel like I've changed, in fact thats the problem, I want to and everything feels like its against me changing.

Anyway, reading the other posts here... I'm sorry, yall. Walrusfella, all my thoughts and prayers, whatever they count for, to you. I hope you have a lot of time to do things you want, and that things are as easy as they can be with something like that. On Vienna; its a beautiful city. I reccomend the zoo there; my great-uncle Helmut was the director a while back. I remember he took us to the back areas and we got to see... I think it was Emus? Wonderful. Personally, though, if you have time, go to Tirol. Innsbruck is a much smaller city, but still beautiful, with a lot of history. And the mountains; my God, the mountains. I'm biased as hell because thats where home is, but its honestly my favorite place in the world. Beautiful nature, beautiful old city, and a wonderful church, the golden roof, all sorts of museums, cafes, and the Alpenzoo is another great zoo where you can see animals native to the area; the lammergeier, or bearded vulture (a really beautiful bird) and the Lynx are my favorite there. Either way, Austria is a great place to visit. A lot less.. rushed, than Germany, and a lot less of our history got destroyed. Berlin is pure modern, theres almost nothing left there (and not much was there anyway). And we have good food!!!!

Razoredge, I encourage you to... how do I put this? Don't be too forceful about this. Don't upset people, even if what you say is true. You should say it, but be careful about how you do. Prioritize being there for your friends when they need you, and in the long run things will be okay, I hope. Just make sure your dislike of these bad people doesn't lead you to upset those you care about; that wouldn't be worth it. Things are complicated, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

Hacksorus, I'm not in Austria rn but Griaß di!

[marantana]

FrauPerchta, woatamoiwoatamoiwoatamoi... do is echt wer zweiter aus Österreich in dem thread? Seawas, griassdi.
[note: I just said hi to my fellow Austrian here]

[FrauPerchta]

FrauPerchta, woatamoiwoatamoiwoatamoi... do is echt wer zweiter aus Österreich in dem thread? Seawas, griassdi.
[note: I just said hi to my fellow Austrian here]

Ja, I bin Chloe und kimm fõ Innschpruckh. Kimmst du aus Wean oder was? Isch guat das wir hap zwei fõ Österreich (und koan fõ Daitschland oder?)

[marantana]

Jo, Wean. I bin da Peda -- a oida Hund, dea sei Overwatch-Sucht durch visual novels ersetzt hod. Iwasetz grod da ebi-hime ia näxde ins Deitsche. twitter ozdergecko. Und jo, find i a guad

[RealChestnut]

i just played the Hanako Ikezawa route and all i can say now is that i am incredibly depressed now... while going through this i kept on thinking how this girl is almost identical to my ex, the only difference was that instead of physical scares it was more mental. She hide from others, she pushed people away, never talked, never used her phone and always tried to say and do things to push me away when she was depressed. A lot of the scenes that happened between them felt close to what i experienced. She even told me about an event that happened to her in which affected the in level i can not even comprehend and apparently i was the only one she ever told, not even her family. In this game in where u can make a wrong decision, i even did the wrong decision they even provided in real life. i thought that because she was always like this she needed protecting and i acted like she needed protecting, not showing her my other emotions she was looking for, she did a lot of things with me to try make me see her as someone who i truly love and not someone who only needed protecting. because i was too ignorant to see this we slowly became distant and and at the end it was too much for me where she would barely contact me or see me anymore that i had to end the relationship. playing this makes me realise what i should of done and that i question why did i not show my other feelings more.

[Walrusfella]

Wow RealChestnut, Hanako's story must have cut very close to the bone for you. Hanako's story also resonated for me when I first read it, because I saw parallels with the early stages of my relationship. I ended up being more forthright in telling her my feelings (not because I was wise or courageous or anything, I was neither at the time) and it paid off for us in the end.

It appears you've worked out what went wrong in your relationship and learned the lessons, and hopefully grown wiser for it. Even though it didn't work out, you're a better you for having grown. Perhaps going back and reading the "good end" of Hanako's story might be cathartic?

[ArmedLiberal]

Walrusfella, I can't even begin to imagine that kind of diagnosis. I hope that you have the support of all around you in managing your treatment. *hugs*

Hi there. It's been a very long time, particularly in internet terms. I posted fairly regularly on this thread in 2012 and 2013 (roughly pages 25 to 200). Some events in the past few months have put me back in mind of Katawa Shoujo and the good people I talked with on these forums. Borean, Gandara, AsrealEternal, Xiious, Camoufrage, Total Destruction, Bionic Kraken, Xanatos, Otaku Ninja, Auratus, Gamera Ramen, Dream, and all the others that used to be on this thread, I pray that you're all doing well and enjoying life, and the problems that prompted you to post here are not troubling you anymore.

Wanderingheartache, I remember you from years back. I'm very sorry to hear about your colleague. I've experienced that myself. We can get to know the people we work with so well, and grief can hit harder than we expect. Glad to hear you've recovered, and it heartens me to see a name I recognise.

I've often considered posting on this thread again, but always held back. I'm now 36 years old. Most of my problems from back then are now fixed. I finally have a job I like, and I don't worry constantly about money. I bought a nice little house. I still do very fulfilling hobbies. My marriage is still strong we're planning on children later this year or the next. I've studied the Japanese language to the point where I claim to speak it at least poorly. I have a few good friends. I still paint toy soldiers.

With all this finally sorted out, of course it's not all going to go my way. A few months ago, while investigating another problem, I was diagnosed with Leukaemia. It's a blood cancer, and my type is not curable. It's not very aggressive, but barring something else catastrophic it will get me in the end. My life will likely be a lot shorter than I might reasonably be able to expect without this.

I'm still adjusting to this, but my experience reading Katawa Shoujo has actually helped me deal with the worst of the initial shock. I know it's fictional, but Hisao coming to terms with his diagnosis and coming to accept his situation was an example I could draw upon to beat back despair and resentment.

My wife took the news a lot harder; she was devastated. I suppose something like this is easier to bear when it's happening to yourself, rather than someone you love. She's coming to terms with it slowly, and I feel terrible that I will likely leave her early.

I'm in a big city with a modern hospital with a good cancer ward, and I have a very good haematologist. Despite her distress my wife has documented and coordinated my treatment so it can be as efficient as possible, and has been a tireless advocate for me so there won't be any chance of the system forgetting about me or bungling anything. My family and friends have been very sympathetic and supportive, particularly good friends who recently lost their son to the same disease (albeit a more aggressive variety). I haven't told my employers, but they undoubtedly suspect something's wrong given all the doctors' appointments. They haven't pressed me, and they've been very accommodating.

Despite all this, it still sucks and it's still frightening. I think I'm in the right frame of mind where I can read KS again and it may bring some comfort. Thanks for listening.

[Wanderingheartache]

I've been feeling pain since sunday... my dad thought it was my pancreas, I went to the doctor thursday and was told I needed blood work done.

I'm supposed to get the results friday... the day of my sister's college graduation and one of the few opening shifts I have this month. (6 am shifts suck)


sorry for erratic spacing, not used to typing on a tablet since my laptop's keyboard died... I'm also terrified about what the results are. I broke down crying on the way home from the lab because needing blood drawn when not donating has never yielded positive results in my family.


I'm still in a lot of pain... I can't sleep, I want to make sure I keep waking up every morning and I at least want to see my 30th birthday.



I'm sorry... but thanks for letting me get this off my chest, my mom says she'll help me no matter what. that's why I can't let her know that this is how i feel, seriously thanks for being here... thanks for keeping my secret and I hope I'll have a full final playthrough before the worst happens.

Here I know I'm not alone... that I'm not strange, I am me and everyone has damage. It's been an emotional journey... thank you everyone

[Hacksorus]

Hi Wanderingheartache. I imagine by now you've probably heard back from the doctor about whatever results you've been waiting for. From what you've said of your family history, the odds didn't sound too promising. I hope it was a better result than you were expecting.

Either way, I'm rooting for you, wherever you are. Nothing about life is designed to be fair, it seems. We just have to do the best we can with that hand that we've been dealt. Whether your luck is good or bad, I hope you fight for your happiness. However, if you have people close to you who want to help, I also encourage you to let them. Not only for your sake, but for theirs. Being able to help people you truly care about when they need it most can be a very fulfilling feeling.

Feel free to leave us an update if you'd like. I do sometimes disappear from this place for a bit but I promise I'll see it at some point.

[Kathos]

Sorry i wrote ALOT! ive already posted this in the "Thank You 4LS" but it felt nessesary to upload it here as the same day i uploaded it on the other forum so it can make sense and with a story as crazy as this i think it needs to be put here, and please i know maybe one part may be melodramatic but if you understand the hard times i was having you would understand why i felt the way i did
Before i share my story i want to say some things, i never told my parents what im going through because it gives me a feeling in my stomach that disgusts me and i would rather say so to a stranger. As of right now i am 14, i am short tor the point that luckily i never got bullied but only found 2 people i was taller than in middle school, i am a freshman and its highschool so people are more mature with personal matters and plus i see alot of short girls but when it comes to guys, ive only found one...i have ADD, OCD, I am ENTIRELY sure i have Aspergers syndrome keep in mind which are already 3 things that are on the autism syndrome scale. i dont eat right due to unknown reasons even when im not depressed, ive had girls like me but so far i have had one that Just screams i like you but i never really did like her back. i am antisocial, not smart, not attractive, and all my grades have been terrible since 8th grade just one year ago. I am depressed, im good at hiding it when im at school but i always want to be away from people.

my story starts now: i would have been a lonely kid if it wasnt for how weird i am, but i wasnt the "weird kid in class" i was funny and were strangely attracted to me. 6th grade comes and i become friends with someone who is a Famous bad kid. at the time he wasnt but he did get expelled in 8th grade and left lonely. this is where it all starts realising that i was clinging on to him. he told me he never met a person like me we were so close that he would even show nudes to me that he got from girls all the time but wouldnt show anyone else, he constantly slept over at my house i did his too sometimes, i knew that in peoples heads everyone wondered why i was his best friend and its almost like he didnt care. he finally started getting too famous and had bad friends who did drugs. keep in mind i was a stupid kid with bad grades but not dumb enough to do drugs but since it was weed i didnt mind. so we did it at my place when everyone was asleep and i absolutely HATED it and told him he could keep the rest forever which he did. He brings a juul to school a few weeks later and gets expelled which is where i can ACTUALLY start my story. I was alone and i sat by myself and ate alone and people would tell me "Do you miss *****" Again and again and AGAIN" so i was correct to think that my strange attraction got me to be his best freind but people viewed it as a crazy relation ship. A year passes by and its highschool. people all over the place telling me "Brooooo guess what!, ******* IS BACK! I would just reply ik and ok and they seemed oftly confused by this. i talk to him which i havent after a while. highschool really sucked for me at the beggining and i wanted to feel whole and not lonely again. ofcourse i had plenty of freinds in every grade but they just liked me because i was funny. i thought back to the old days with him and strangely i ask him for weed and i had 40$ and his freind helped me get some. i finally have it but i have insane guilt because i was never a bad kid, the bad kids who hung out with my best friend would just give me a handshake and not even breathe on me again like i was my best friends sidekick. but my parents were away at the airport and i was alone which got me thinking that this could be my oppertunity! And i did it with no hesitation and it felt amazing at the time, i kept doing this again and again and my grades were actually good this year out of alllll my life but just like everyone else's are too "because its highschool and you take things more serious" but at the time i didnt care and i kept smoking my grades went down just a little Straight A's to B. ive gotten a bad high wich was TERRIBLE i felt people stabbing me everytime i thought of it and i couldnt stop the thoughts. but even that didnt stop me. depression follows after i realise im still lonely and my only freinds are in my periods. it doesent matter if even the smart kids like me, they still are my best friends. as of right now i have none but let me get back to what i was saying. i get depression and the weed i smoked everynight and sometimes on sundays were so strong that i felt a little every morning i went to school after and it made me feel akward and since i was antisocial it was even worse. My best friend Told me in private ( out of school at some church swings that no one goes to) that he felt bad for me because he brought drugs into my life and that if anything happens its his fault. i told him its not true but he denied it and showed me the timeline before and after we first smoked. he said hes has that guilt forever ever since i first smoked with him. Too be honest now that i look back, he was correct. As i said i am not a "bad" kid infact i was weird, cool, chill and funny which is why i say that my best freinds "bad" freinds never took interest in me because they knew i was some regular kid. katawa shoujo gets introduced in my life by someone who i highly admire as one of the nicest people if ever met online. i remember having that feeling of love and piece when i played emi's route but i stopped playing katawa shoujo and i forgot about it. So its winter break and there are 2 weeks off and I keep smoking EVERY night. Dont forget this is all happening when im 14 rn. I want you to remember what i am about to say from this point on. I Wake up to play katawa shoujo, it gave me that feeling again when i replayed emi's route and it gave me that wonderful feeling again except, hard depression kicked in. i realised what my whole life had really been and why i am antisocial now and not antisocial 4 years ago like i should have been. The same person who got me to how my life is today also ruined it. I was so messed up that i was going to do drugs again except this time... Lsd, i asked the same guy for lsd and he said okay but it might take some time. Because of katawashoujo and how it made me feel i was deepely drawn to it this time looking at every thread as old as 2007 and every artbook song and information i have to know about it. and it made me realise "What the FUCK are you doing,you are pushing yourself deeper and ruin your life you fucking idiot. you are about to let everything go to drugs and you are only 14 with good grades and a wonderful life and it all hit me at once just like when i replayed the game. without hesitation i slammed open my closet shoving and abusing the box i kept my stash hidden in. it was clear to me "I never felt this way" and i "can't believe this is happening" as soon i grab it i run out the backyard and i felt so happy knowing its going to all be over and when i opened the door i stood there not because i was afraid of it or letting go but because i know i will never feel this way again. Ive never seen anything thrown in such a fast and angry manner in my entire life. i literally said "Its all over" and the thoughts flowing in my mind were extravagant. i get my phone and message the kid i dont want to buy lsd or weed from you anymore, he says "okay so then what do you want?" so i told him "Nothing" and that was the end of it. Katawa shoujo has literally changed MY LIFE thank you so much 4LS you stopped me from losing my self and life the ones i love to drugs and clinical depression. I wouldnt have felt any of what i said if it wasnt for Katawa shoujo. "its just a game" i know that but power this game has to change a life like mine from drugs and dying to happiness and peace is fucking AMAZING! I dont care what anyone else says about this game anymore, i was going to do LSD For fucks Sake! I smoked so much weed to the point that am reguarly losing my memories and forget what i am doing WHILE i amdoing it alongside not being able to answer questions as easily because my mom was arguing with me and it felt like my brain wasnt working, i seriously had trouble with what to say back literally stuttering as if i was scared. The feeling i have for this game is so powerful that Katawa Shoujo and all the admin at 4LS, You have just changed a teenagers life from DEATH so please i want you to know that i am forever grateful even if you never see this. I said "i want you to remember what i am going to say from this point" because i want the reader to know that everything i said right after happened today.


I say these next lines with all seriousness. Hopefully, i have not rotted my 14 year old enough to not recover. i have gained short torm memory loss and lost the feel to interact with strangers at all. last night i kept waking up every so 40 minutes, yes i mean EVERY 40 minutes. i go to sleep at 11:00 wake up at 11:40 and this happened all the way to 4 am and i i wake up at 5. the worst part is that this is only weed! The most harmless drug compared to others! Please dont do drugs i now know what it feels like to be on the "other side" telling people to not do drugs hoping some will listen knowing others won't but because of katawa shoujo i am able to feel free and longer trapped by others or harmful drugs that weed was drawing me too. I am also sorry for making this possibly the most longest thing youve read here The only reason i didnt do Lsd was because luckily the kid didnt find anyone in time before katawa shoujo came to save me from every trouble in my life up to now even 8 years after its release!

I Will Never Feel This Way Again, So Thank you 4LS for Katawa Shoujo And Its Community For Giving Me A Second Chance To Restart In Life Unlike Some People Who Can't.
- A Tormented Teenager Saved By The Likes Of 4LS!

Edit: I teared up when I finished writing this knowing that many don't get the chance to come back from my kind of addiction and serious depression

[Hacksorus]

Man, that's quite the story. I'm happy to hear things have been going better for you. I was around 14 when I first played KS too, and it changed me in a big way. I may not be able to relate to all of what you've been through, but that's something we and plenty of other people on here have in common.

Keep up the good work! I know this sounds cheesy, but if you hold onto this feeling and keep improving yourself, things can only get better

[Kathos]

Man, that's quite the story. I'm happy to hear things have been going better for you. I was around 14 when I first played KS too, and it changed me in a big way. I may not be able to relate to all of what you've been through, but that's something we and plenty of other people on here have in common.

Keep up the good work! I know this sounds cheesy, but if you hold onto this feeling and keep improving yourself, things can only get better

its not cheesy at all! my life was going to go to dust and hell if i didnt play katawashoujo, thank you it really means much to know im not getting called out for being cheesy or anything. im glad i found this forum to post my story. Even if only 5 people see it!