Katawa Haha

[Ozymil]

Don't push yourself too hard, haha. We've lived through Blizzard, Valve, DNF, and now KS; waiting is no problem for the denizens of the interwebs.

p.s. I just have to say, after all this time your avvie still fucking creeps me out. Konata or Carl, CHOOSE ONE.

[Vertical]

I fear for my wrist, gentlemen.

Fear no mo'. http://www.howtostretch.com/wriststretches.html

They work. That's my testimony. Make sure your hands/wrists are warm first.

[El Jay]

Don't push yourself too hard, haha. We've lived through Blizzard, Valve, DNF, and now KS; waiting is no problem for the denizens of the interwebs.

p.s. I just have to say, after all this time your avvie still fucking creeps me out. Konata or Carl, CHOOSE ONE.

I'm more or less saying that because... Well, I'm a hardcore slacker for the most part, hurr. I usually have to mentally beat the shit out of myself to break out of my moments of "Oh I can wait until tomorrow, it's not like this is going to prevent the world from ending." I am glad I don't do Valve Time though, this would take a year.

Also in that case, banana-phone Neo.

I fear for my wrist, gentlemen.

Fear no mo'. http://www.howtostretch.com/wriststretches.html

They work. That's my testimony. Make sure your hands/wrists are warm first.

I love you, man. I do some of those things already, but a few of those work better then what I already do. Thanks.

[Vertical]

I love you, man. I do some of those things already, but a few of those work better then what I already do. Thanks.

Having a chiropractor for a father makes one more paranoid of their biomechanical well-being. Glad to help.

btw... fuck year Ohio!

[El Jay]

GENTLEMEN! I BRING YOU... CORN!

By which I mean, have page 2. Slightly easier thanks to three of the panels being small-ish and less detailed, and most of the detail that will make this look.... well, better, is going to come from whatever coloring I do. Same as page one really.

Tried a few different things, mainly using many more layers, smaller pen settings for straight lines, (MUCh easier to go over a line a few times than doing a sketchy line, erasing the jagged edges, touching the line up, erasing more screw up's, and so on until it's decent enough) and using the Gimp for the panel and page borders. With Open Canvas 1.1 lacking a way to make straight, smooth lines, apart from placing a book on my tablet and using it as a ruler, it's an absolute whore to do straight lines. The only thing I'm iffy about right now is actually nothing to do with programs, it's how I'm going to make Heart-Attack Boy look, really. That'll be my main concern with page 3, which SHOULD be one of the easier pages out of the bunch.

Enough blabbering though. Again, I'm pretty happy with the results. I had to repose and retouch Shizune's body and night-gown thingy so much I started speaking in tongues, but in the end, it seemed good enough to me. Now the only thing missing is you guys with your opinions. So give me your 2 cents. And maybe a dollar why you're at it. :3

Also FUCKING BREAST PUMPS. I couldn't sit myself down long enough to stare at the design of an existing one without loosing my mind, so that crap's a design of my own.

[ubergeneral]

something that is bothering me. I wanted to see shizune using the mammary milking machine.

I was disappointed when I saw the author choose to do a back view.

Not that anyone should go redraw it or anything but now I think we are in need of some shizune milking herself fanservice.

[El Jay]

something that is bothering me. I wanted to see shizune using the mammary milking machine.

I was disappointed when I saw the author choose to do a back view.

Not that anyone should go redraw it or anything but now I think we are in need of some shizune milking herself fanservice.

If there's enough people asking for it I'll do a normal sized picture of Shizune doing that, probably after I finish drawing Shizune's story. Didn't really want my first finished comic to have much in the way of tits an all. Doing that would just make it something I'd expect myself to do for everything afterwards.

On top of that I haven't got a CLUE on how I'd draw panel four other then that way, and the only other possibility would be with shizune leaning against the dresser while using the machine. And that would've just ruined the thoughts in my head for the rest of this. 'Twould be nothing but tits in my skull. Nice thoughts, but highly distracting to the part of me that wants to draw.

[Ozymil]

Oh squee, another page!

To start off, great work man, lovin' the Misha-teddy especially; the hair looks better for some reason, can't exactly pinpoint what that is. Everything seems good to me in the first three panels, but I've got a couple issues with the fourth. First, the angles of the crib are slightly askew, slanting off to the right in a fashion reminiscent of Van Gogh's work. Second, Shizune seems a little chubby in the cheeks.

As for the inner turmoil of whether or not to include Shicchan's TITTAYS, I say "nay." I want to see how Shizune as a PERSON developed, not Shizune as a piece of potential fapping material.

Also: Emo-sao and teapot breastmilker?

[El Jay]

Oh squee, another page!

To start off, great work man, lovin' the Misha-teddy especially; the hair looks better for some reason, can't exactly pinpoint what that is. Everything seems good to me in the first three panels, but I've got a couple issues with the fourth. First, the angles of the crib are slightly askew, slanting off to the right in a fashion reminiscent of Van Gogh's work. Second, Shizune seems a little chubby in the cheeks.

As for the inner turmoil of whether or not to include Shicchan's TITTAYS, I say "nay." I want to see how Shizune as a PERSON developed, not Shizune as a piece of potential fapping material.

Also: Emo-sao and teapot breastmilker?

God damnit it's always the angles. They screw me so hard. XD I'll figure something out, it looked fine as the sketch, but finishing it up just wrecked it I guess. Also I was originally going for being able to see her eyes and mouth, but again, angles. Fucked me like a dog.

Hisao, that's just me going for hair that moves. I could've find a better look then that, but trust me. No way in HELL am I going to give that bastard a swoop. And now that I think about it, I'm going to go back and fix that milker, it's actually bugging me now that you brought up 'teapot'. Fuck. D:

So, re-angle the crib a bit, change Shizune's face to outline instead of three-quarters-from-behind view, and change that god damned teapot. Sounds about right. Time to get on that.

edit; DAMNIT, I didn't notice until I started working on fixing stuff that in fixing these things, I'm going to have to redraw more things then I thought. Damned perfectionism. Now I wish my name WAS Van Gogh just to have an excuse.

[El Jay]

Okay. so, I sat down and tryed to adjust things to a more... well, natural form I guess. Mostly the crib and the pump, and in doing that Shizune's arm (damn me drawing her with her arm on the crib. sghfsgd). That, and her face is at a different perspective. I don't feel like doing anything like screwing around with my last post to change the image, or deleting it and retyping shit, so have a link to the image in my DeviantArt page.
http://xxryokuxx.deviantart.com/art/Kat ... -133519382

It LOOKS more normal to me, but hey, I Van Gogh'd the shit out of page one and two and didn't notice it until after the fact, so I could be seeing shit weird again. And, just to clarify, the crib's in the corner of the room with that dresser next to it against the other wall, just as an FYI. D: Another 'and' is that yeah the crib isn't as smooth now. Good reason for that.

I need to get my ass to bed earlier today so I can wake up in time to leave for Cedar Point. XD; Had to rush on it. So with that, if there's any issues still, just tell me, I'll fix them when I get back tomorrow night, or monday, monday night.

[Goldilurks]

HAY GUYZ I'M STILL ALIVE.

Update: the personal thing that I was working on is now one chapter more complete (yes, I've been seeing other writing projects. It's not you, KH, it's me). So now I can justify starting on the Rin chapter. I'll see if I can't have that up by this coming weekend, but no guarantees. If anything, this absence on my part should be a message to you to not beat yourself up too much, El Jay. Of course, you'll probably continue to do so (I can't be the only person who's never satisfied with my own work).

I like this page as well, others have already stated the feedback I would have made. Yes, let's keep the boobies out of the way for now; Katawa Haha fanservice can wait. Regarding breast pumps; I was originally thinking something like this that attaches right onto the bottle. If you feel that it's not practical to do this from the perspective you've chosen, though, then forget it. What you've attempted works. I do recommend a quick Google Images search.

As always, feel free to ask for any clarification on what I meant with panel or perspective instructions.

[El Jay]

HAY GUYZ I'M STILL ALIVE.

YAAAAY ALIVE WRITER IS ALIVE.

Good to know that I'm not the only person who whups on themselves with their works. I do need to get caught back up though, TF2 and Fallout are sapping my attention (inb4 SPAH SAPPIN MAH ______) Anywhow, good to know that in 'theory', the pages are passable at least. At least, for Shizune. I have a feeling I'm going to need to start doing bits of research on house designs for Emi's story. Razzum frazzum.

Anyways, taken whatever time you need to write this stuff out, things have been good so far, so if it means more quality writing, don't rush yourself.

[Goldilurks]

UPDATE: Halfway through the third page of the Emi chapter. Wanted to talk a bit about ages; of both the children and the mothers.

Are there any thoughts or comments on the portrayal of the KS girls as older? Shizune and Emi are not only the extremes of mood in their chapters, they're also the extremes of age. Shizune's infant daughter is her first child; she's probably still got a lot of her 20s ahead of her. Emi's son Shiroma, on the other hand, is 13, and Emi is in her late 30's in her KH chapter. I don't want to have to include "visibly older" in every set of instructions when the lady first gets on the page in her chapter, but it can't hurt to discuss how the KS cast changes as they get older.

I've visualized Rin so far as keeping the short hair, for reasons related to her career path. I'm not sure what to do with Hanako and Lilly as far as hair, and I don't know how appropriate they'd be with wrinkles. Feedback, gentlemen?

[El Jay]

To be quite honest... I have no clue what you should go with.

The reason being that I'm currently the visuals (yes incase anyone else wants to add art to these stories, I won't be the "I DON'T SHARE THE GLORY DAMNIT" artist here. :3), you are the brains.

I only request that you make things a little easy for me and don't make Lilly's hair more of a pain that it already is. Wavy hair and drill-hair are the two hardest things I see in these stories, not even Emi's prosthetics would give me problems, what with me drawing mechanical limb's all the time. Getting off topic here, but yeah.

The only possibilities in my mind would be with Hanako's scar's healing slightly better over time, and perhaps her hair changing slightly if/when she comes to terms with things and comes out of her shell... can't really think of much for Rin to be honest, as I don't want her to chaaange (me and the artsy types, ALWAYS the artsy types, hnnngh)... and LILLY, first thoughts coming to mind are old and gray, oddly. XD I don't have anything to offer though, really, so don't let my stuff have any influence on the writing unless it coincidentally is on a similar path to your thoughts.

[Loki]

UPDATE: Halfway through the third page of the Emi chapter. Wanted to talk a bit about ages; of both the children and the mothers.

Are there any thoughts or comments on the portrayal of the KS girls as older? Shizune and Emi are not only the extremes of mood in their chapters, they're also the extremes of age. Shizune's infant daughter is her first child; she's probably still got a lot of her 20s ahead of her. Emi's son Shiroma, on the other hand, is 13, and Emi is in her late 30's in her KH chapter. I don't want to have to include "visibly older" in every set of instructions when the lady first gets on the page in her chapter, but it can't hurt to discuss how the KS cast changes as they get older.

I've visualized Rin so far as keeping the short hair, for reasons related to her career path. I'm not sure what to do with Hanako and Lilly as far as hair, and I don't know how appropriate they'd be with wrinkles. Feedback, gentlemen?

I could see Lilly being in Grandmother mode, son/daughter visiting with the grandchild, and perhaps a moment where the parent is doing something with the child that makes Lilly and said parent pause and essentially have Lilly note "You're doing exactly what I used to do with you when you were a child". So essentially, watching the interaction between Lilly and her child using a grandchild as a catalyst.
Another possiblity is a child still in school comes back with a friend, and from the view of the friend (first visit/meeting of Lilly?) the relationship seems cool and reserved, but by the end of the comic it's clear to them there is very strong bond between them.
Another one could just be a comic of what Lilly does with their child when they come back from school: spending time with them, reading to them, ect and just showing Lilly being very... well. Motherly.

--------------
Going off the dialogue teaser for Hanako, I see the child and Hanako being quite old personally; the child's apparently old enough to understand why they're staring at their mother and that they hate the fact she's being looked at for being different.

Possible scenarios:
1. Hanako is trying to tell the sprog off after they got sent home from school for fighting (or she's had to come in), or just got into trouble. (Probable cause: someone being snarky about Hanako's scars). 5-17? (If you're familier with it, Kenji (Kaji?) from Persona 4 and his mother's relationship. He gets in trouble several times for defending his mother's honour, as he percieves it anyway.)

2. Again with the grandparent thing, elderly Hanako with at least one of her children and (one of) her daughter's grandchild(ren), said grandchild talking to their mother about how everyone keeps staring at granny for some reason. (Presumably Hanako's hit the age/maturity where she just doesn't give a shit what people think anymore. I've met women who's hit the age where they don't care what people think and they can be ludicriously sanguine about things.) Cue flashback comic showing interaction between Hanako and daughter over the same topic when Hanako's in her 30s and her daughter's in the teens?

3. A mature (late teens/early adult) child gets into an argument/drops a caustic remark* at someone while out with mother. Perhaps a shopkeeper in a store, (basically, somewhere public) Hanako not really wanting the confrontation, but the child refusing to back down and the comic shows the aftermath. Perhaps during the argument, Hanako slinked off, and after realising mother's gone the child fires one last barb that can only be described as cruel before we see an argument between mother and child over the child standing up for her (Exploring perhaps what the snarky, cynical Hisao and Stand in Storyteller's originally-wildcat-possibly-fiery**-blood-Hanako would produce, and how Hanako keeps the end result in line/cools it's head?). Could also generate some humour: two very strong willed people that are actually quite similer, and people in the background avoiding it in sheer terror.

*Stand-in Storyteller's threads on 4chan seem to be exploring the idea of a Hanako that may be a shrinking violet, but has claws and a talent of being able to hit where it hurts, so think caustic remarks that make you whince even when they're right and Hanako's in the right.
**No pun intended.

Another idea I probably need to think over a bit more is the idea that she deflects the comment to something like 'they were staring at me because I'm lucky enugh to have such a pretty/handsome little girl/boy' if the child is young.

.....

I spend too much time dissecting Hanako as a character. I regret nothing though, I love character types like her though