After the Fireworks (Rin)

[Mirrored]

Rin rested her arms (or what was left of them, anyways, she added) on the side of her pillow.

“Good night, Hisao”

She clenched her toes.

She didn’t know how else she imagined that night ending, or how else it could have ended, or why she was even thinking about it. No, that last part wasn’t quite true, which made her uncomfortable. She was more comfortable having ideas that she couldn’t understand, to leaving things open to interpretation rather than cemented in fact. That was part of why it was so hard for her to tell when a work was finished, when the canvas couldn’t use another brush stroke…

“Good night, Hisao”

Again, she clenched her toes, they gripped the cuffs of her loose lavender pajama pants and tugged them down a bit, the elastic waistband shifted out of place and she had to wiggle her hips to get it back to where it belonged.

She sighed and turned towards the wall, closing her eyes. She wanted to think of clouds. White, fluffy, clouds, some large clouds, some small clouds—but instead she thought of fireworks. She thought of moments ago, her memory played out vividly. She didn’t listen to the fireworks—instead she listened to Hisao’s steady breathing, felt her head rise and fall, felt the warmth of his shoulder against her cheek. And she felt something else too. And when she looked up into his soft brown eyes, all she wanted was to keep that moment—

“Just awhile longer, Okay?”

She pulled closer to him, nestling her head against his shoulder… sleeping there had been easy. Even with the echoing explosions of fireworks, it felt comfortable. Being with him made her feel something different: she felt less alone.

“Good night, Hisao”

She gritted her teeth, and remembered her waiting before that moment, waiting for him to kiss her.

Well, what else was she supposed to do? Say “Hisao, I think our relationship has gotten to the point where you may kiss me now?” He hadn’t exactly given her many hints that he liked her, when she had asked him how he felt about her against his arm, all he said was that she was heavy, which, she knew was ridiculous (though that did not keep her giving the mirror a glance before she slept). She sighed again.

She wondered why he was planning on joining the art club, or why he had helped her so much with the mural. When she thought about it, she had spent most of her week with him, and they even went on what had felt like, until that last moment, a date. She tossed again, and wished, very badly, that Hisao would have said something different. But she also knew that this was part of why she found him interesting.

Patience was not easy for Rin. Her mind was always working, and she was currently thinking about four things:

1) Fireworks
2) The school rooftop
3) Hisao
4) Strawberry juice.

At the last of these thoughts, she drifted off into slumber.

[Deimos]

A very nice piece of work. I liked how you tried to describe Rin without implementing too much humour or aloofness just for the sake of doing so.

Another point probably is that you did not try too imitate the pathwriter's style but tried another plausible angle. In the last days I have begun to think of Rin as too static, too grounded and secure in her personality. So I thank you for writing this.

[Mirrored]

Thanks.

I think that her humor and aloofness are her approach to social interaction, and thus more of the side that Hisao would see, at least at first. While I imagine Rin being pretty humorous on her own, I kind of felt like the end of the festival was something of a let-down for her and a moment of unusual confusion that she would explore.

Originally, I was going to write some sort of character interaction after her musings, but none of the ideas seemed to work for one reason or another, largely because she seemed too introspective to do her usual social routine.

The first idea was her going to Hisao's room and just bluntly stating that he could kiss her or was supposed to kiss her.
The second idea was her being unable to sleep and remembering how easily she slept with Hisao, going to him to take a nap.
The third idea was her fantasizing. That really wouldn't go anywhere due to her being on her period that particular day.
And the fourth idea was to go through one of her dreams. But I felt like she would have more allegorical dreams than direct representations.

The flaw with many of them was that the mood of the scene wasn't well suited for it, because it showed some of her doubts and insecurities.

Something that I felt about Rin was that she had a lot of artist qualities and that somewhere among them was a tendency to feel passionately or deeply without knowing someone for that long. Also, unless she was Kenji's ex-girlfriend (she does seem to have some fascination with him, but I still find the duo a hard sell) I imagine that she would not have had many (or perhaps even any) close relationships with guys, and that Hisao may very well be the first guy she ever spent that much time with. Her comments on Hisao being different than Emi also heightened that she felt a connection there.

So for Rin, I have her exploring a bit of unfamiliar territory. I really want to try to see if I can write her socially and have it come off as authentic, because the path writer definitely does a pretty solid job of that.

[Vysetron]

Now, here's a prime example of length being irrelevant to quality. This is a really good piece. I honestly can't think of much to criticize.

[Ethanmn]

Wow this is good. I always wondered what was going through Rin's head after that really akward "Goodnight, Hisao" scene, and I'd say this is a pretty plausable reaction.
The only thing that I found was wrong was this quote:

felt the warmth of his shoulder against his cheek.

If I'm not mistaken, it should read "felt the warmth of his shoulder against her cheek."
Great peice of work you've got here! Can't wait to see more of your stuff.

[DaMan65]

FOR THE GLORY OF RIN!!!!! lol sorry well done well written all that jazz, and an enjoyable read making the time I spend browsing this forum slightly more justified when I could be doing constructive things... like homework

[Leotrak]

As good as this piece is, you -really- shouldn't post in topics that have been dead for well over a year... ">_>

[scott1and]

There's been a rather steep influx of threadromancers recently, maybe we should do something.

[DaMan65]

Sorry didn't realize at first how old the thread was caffeine and sleep deprivation will do that

[scott1and]

Its all right, a lot of new members have done this recently.

[Oddball]

Despite what some other people may be saying, I don';t care how old a story is. Old, new, doesn't matter. If the story is good and I feel the need to say so, I'm posting. Threads don't have an expiration date.

This was a very nice story, short, to the point, and most importantly rather sweet. Besides, it's nice to bring an old pre-release story back from the grave every once in a while, if for no other reason than just to see how people's views on certain subjects have changed.