Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

[HoneyBakedHam]

I won't touch the cliffhanger ATM, other than to say that there are things that it seems to be telegraphing that I'm not sure I want to see. Still following this, though.

If you're referring to the back-to-back blacked out messages, it's hard to un-see once you do read them.

[jjm152]

Catching up with this. Still decently written, with a lot of really nice detail. There are a few more things that make me wonder if perhaps you could use a proofreader, but given that it's on another site I'm too lazy to c'n'p them over here due to their relatively minor nature. I'm not sure what to make of the relationship here between the sisters Satou. Yeah, it's ten years later, so you expect some changes, but in places it feels like they haven't known each other that long. I won't touch the cliffhanger ATM, other than to say that there are things that it seems to be telegraphing that I'm not sure I want to see. Still following this, though.

I agree that I could probably use a pre-reader or a proof-reader of some sort, I'll be honest here, when I "write" I just sit down and go for broke (5k words in about.. hmm somewhere between 2 and 4 hrs). It's a shit practice.

I've been foreshadowing stuff pretty hard, but I don't think I've tipped my hand as much as you suspect. At least I hope not! Now I'm worried... hmm.

[Alpacalypse]

Okay, new chapter. Just gonna read this and...
*Ending*
Oh. Oh. Oh dear, oh dear.

*Cliffhanger*
You MOTHERFU- extremely good author who has successfully managed to secure another reader for the next chapter. Ya sly SOB

Nice work!

[Oddball]

It's a shame this ended on a cliffhanger like it did, or rather got abandoned on a cliffhanger.

It's the kind of soul crushing yet still realistic dark you don't see too often around here.

I think the story went a bit heavy on Japanese terminology at times and despite being ten years later, the characters don't feel like they've actually changed that much, just that their situations have changed. Otherwise it was a very nice read for what was there.