6
Hanako's hand shook a little as she grasped the note to Naomi. Mutou's voice was still droning on in the background, and class would be over soon. It hadn't seemed so difficult to write it, but now that she had to actually pass it over to the girl sitting next to her, she could barely summon the willpower to do so. You told Hisao you would. That was about the only thing holding her to it... otherwise, she thought she might take the coward's way out and wait until another day, then another, until she gave up completely.
Finally, she reached over and tapped Naomi on the shoulder, passing her the note silently. She managed to glance over at her classmate and manufacture a small smile. Naomi had blonde, short-cropped hair with bangs playing haphazardly across her forehead and dropping down to frame the sides of her face. She looked shocked for a moment, then beamed a large, mischievous grin after reading the note. It made Hanako uncomfortable, but she fought to hold onto her smile for a moment before pretending to turn her attention back to Mutou.
Could I talk to you after class about the newspaper club? The note read. Simple. Nothing to feel embarrassed about. But it was just... strange. She'd sat next to Naomi all year, but they'd barely exchanged ten words in all that time. It felt... wrong, to only just now talk to her, and then to ask her for help.
But she was well-known in Yamaku as one of the club's most dedicated members, and, well, she seemed like the person to ask. Who else would she talk to? A total stranger? That sounded even worse, and maybe it would even offend Naomi, although she didn't seem the sensitive type.
Hanako glanced over at Hisao in front of her. His hair was sticking up, as usual, and it made her smile to see it. He had a light novel hidden in his textbook. He'd been reading it earlier, pretending to follow along with Mutou's lecture, but now he was staring out the window listlessly, not even bothering to look like he was listening to their teacher. He'd seemed distracted all day. Thinking about our talk? She wondered.
Hanako started a little as the bell rang. Mutou rapidly wrapped up his sentence, pointing at the homework he'd written on the board as students got up and began to file out. Hanako quickly looked over toward Naomi as Hisao immediately turned toward her. She... wasn't sure she wanted to talk to him today. She wasn't sure she could keep from following him out of class just to spend time with him.
“So, um...” she began.
“Ha! Want to join the club, huh?” Naomi laughed, slapping Hanako on the shoulder on her scarred side, but the girl didn't seem to take notice of that or of Hanako's discomfort. “This is unexpected! We can always use more members.” Her voice was deep for a girl, but cheerful and friendly.
“I... was thinking I-I might be able to help with some computer stuff, or... even help edit some of the stories, eventually...”
“Oh, I thought you were planning to hit the bricks and get us some hard-hitting scoops,” Naomi grinned.
Hanako felt herself shrink down into her seat. She's just teasing you. Calm down. That knowledge barely helped, though. Everyone knew how shy she was... she was the butt of all their jokes...
“Hey, don't mind Naomi, Hanako. She's like this with everyone,” Natsume, another member of the club, had stepped over in front of their desks to talk with them. When Hanako looked up at her, she saw Hisao out of the corner of her eye. He was walking out of the classroom, his shoulders slumped dejectedly. She felt a little pang, watching him go, but wrenched her attention back to other two girls.
“I... I...” she said. Her shoulders felt tense, and she gripped the edge of her seat.
“Look, we were about to go grab some stuff in town,” Naomi said, seeming to finally notice her distress. “Why don't you tag along and we'll talk about you joining up?” she stood up effortlessly, slinging her bag over her shoulder.
“That's right,” Natsume nodded. “Just need to do a little shopping for some food.”
Hanako managed a nod, feeling the tightness in her chest relax a little bit as they followed the rest of the students out the door. Just a walk into town... she'd done this dozens of times with Lilly... She could do this. She could do it.
When they emerged into the hall, Hisao was already gone. He'd looked so depressed, walking out before. She reached into her school bag, feeling the textured envelope of his letter there. She hoped he was all right. At least she'd taken the first steps toward joining the newspaper club. Now she just had to stay the course.
Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending) (complete)
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending)
I love how you shift focus from Hisao to Hanako each time, it certainly shows a rather unique perspective, something you wouldn't be able to get out of KS at all. I like it 
I'd love to see more fan fiction like this. Oh man, just imagine Rin's inner monologues...
I'd love to see more fan fiction like this. Oh man, just imagine Rin's inner monologues...
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending)
Thanks!Tyrael wrote:I love how you shift focus from Hisao to Hanako each time, it certainly shows a rather unique perspective, something you wouldn't be able to get out of KS at all. I like it
I'd love to see more fan fiction like this. Oh man, just imagine Rin's inner monologues...
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending)
7
The rest of the week passed slowly. Hisao had found himself doing more and more reading in his room. At first he'd taken to reading in the library, hoping to see Hanako there. She'd come in a few times to pick up books, but never sat down in her usual corner. He didn't try to approach her when she came in, just watched her out of the corner of his eye. Whenever she saw him, she quickly took care of business with Yuuko and ran out. The message was clear: She wasn't ready to talk to him. So he'd stopped sitting in the library and found himself gravitating more and more to his dormitory room. No sense in depriving her of her sanctuary, he told himself.
They'd exchanged a few words in class, but the conversations had been short and filled with small talk and awkward silences. More often, Hanako talked to Naomi and Natsume. Or, rather, they talked to her, making an obvious effort to include her in their conversations, with Hanako only occasionally interjecting answers to their questions, or just listening to their talk with a little smile on her face. One day, she even worked with them on a group project, leaving Hisao to Misha and Shizune's care, as usual.
He was happy for Hanako, but it hurt that she wasn't doing any of that stuff with him. Oh, he understood why, and kept telling himself to be patient, but that didn't make it much easier.
Misha was incorrigible in her efforts to cheer him up.
“We heard you two had a fight,” Misha had said. “Girl trouble, Hicchan? It's okay, wahaha~! You can always hang out with us!”
Great. Now they were part of the rumor mill. “Where did you hear that?” he'd asked.
“Oh, it's going around! If you're trying to hide it, you're doing a terrible job! Haha~!”
They'd tried to wrestle him into having lunch with them a couple times, but he'd turned them down. He told himself he was still annoyed about how they always tried to push him around, like with that stuff about joining the Student Council, but some part of him recognized that he was trying to run away from everybody. Why am I acting like this? He wondered. He'd never had trouble making friends before. Sure, he wasn't the most social person, but it wasn't like him to hide in his room and read, like... like when he'd been in the hospital.
Maybe Hanako had rubbed off on him a bit, but he didn't think that was it. If he really tried to be honest with himself, he had to admit that he was scared. First his school friends had left him, then, more painfully, Iwanako. And now Hanako was avoiding him like he had the plague.
Lilly had revealed a secret to him on the phone the other night, too, when he'd told her how well Hanako was doing for herself. Lilly's parents had invited her to come back to Scotland to stay after she graduated... and she had decided to accept. She'd made him promise not to tell Hanako, and he'd assured her that wouldn't be a problem, since she wasn't speaking to him anyway. Lilly was sympathetic to him, but clearly even happier for Hanako, and distracted by her family. Besides, he couldn't afford to talk to her long... the international calls were too expensive.
Why bother getting close to anybody? They'll just leave, and I won't be here at Yamaku that much longer anyway.
And what about his future? His grades had been bad this past week, and he'd even failed to turn in a couple of homework assignments. Mutou had taken to frowning at him occasionally during class, but Hisao had started ducking out as soon as the bell rang, before the teacher could say anything. He still hadn't given any thought to what career he'd like to have, or what colleges he'd like to join. The break was coming up quickly, and it looked like he'd just be spending it with his parents.
The worst part was, he still couldn't let go of his feelings for Hanako. It even felt like they'd been growing as he watched her come out of he shell with Naomi and Natsume. He couldn't stop thinking about her shy smile, or the small kiss she'd given him when they last really talked. I'm falling hard for this girl, and she won't even talk to me, he'd realized. But why should she even be interested in him? He was a mess. That much had become clear. After treating her like a child for weeks, it had suddenly become obvious which of them was the stronger.
But try as he might, he couldn't summon the willpower to do something about it. So he sat, and read, and waited.
* * *
A pounding at his door woke him up from a blurry sleep. Looking at the clock, it was just past midnight. He'd fallen asleep earlier, and his book still lay half-open on his chest. A little sliver of light from the lamps outside spilled through the blinds of his window, and from the crack under his door.
BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-
Whoever it was, they were knocking way too hard. It sounded like they were trying to wake up half the building.
“I'm coming, damn it!” he shouted back, dropping his book on the floor and standing up. He was still in his school uniform, not having bothered to shower or change earlier in the evening. He rubbed sleep from his eyes and tottered over to the door, blinking at the brightness of the hall light when he swung it open.
Kenji stood in the doorway, a bottle of liquor in one hand. As soon as the door opened, he shoved his way into the room and turned on the light.
“What are you doing? Do you know what time it is?” Hisao asked after blinking for several long moments.
Kenji shrugged. “Nah, dude. Who cares? Got any cups?”
“No.”
“Shit. Normally I would say screw it, but since this is girl trouble... I'll be right back.”
He set down the bottle on the desk, then rushed back out of the room. Hisao briefly considered locking him out, then sighed and pulled out his desk chair to sit down.
A minute later Kenji came back with what looked like their tumblers from the hall bathroom.
“Are those clean?”
Another shrug. “It's whiskey, man. You won't care in a few minutes anyway.”
Hisao sighed. “What do you want, Kenji?” Probably to spout some hare-brained conspiracy theory, knowing him. No, wait, he'd mentioned something about girl trouble. Hisao groaned inwardly.
Kenji grabbed the whiskey from the desk, squeaked it open, and poured them each a big shot. He handed the cup over and quickly downed his own, unapologetic as he plopped down on Hisao's bed.
“Drink up. We gotta talk.”
Hisao stared down at his own cup. He'd never had hard liquor before, much less straight, but ah... what the hell. He took a healthy sip, then almost coughed it all up as the burning sensation worked its way down his chest.
“I'm worried about you, dude. I heard about what that Hanako girl did to you. Can't say I didn't warn you, buddy.”
Great. If even Kenji knew about his problems, it really must be all over the school. Hisao immediately gulped down the rest of the whiskey, and regretted it right away as half of it came sputtering out in a thin spray.
“Hey! Do you know how expensive that stuff is?” But Kenji was already grabbing his cup and pouring him another.
“What did you hear? No, wait, nevermind, I don't want to know.”
“Mutou came up here and talked to me... yesterday? Damn, I don't remember. Anyway, he told me you've been slacking off. That's no good, it's not like you, man. You gotta keep your grades up, gotta stop locking yourself in your room like this.”
Hisao couldn't help it, he burst out laughing. Kenji said he needed to get out of his room? Damn, maybe he was already getting a bit tipsy.
“Pot... kettle?” he said.
“Hey man, my grades are solid. I'm already accepted into three universities. Anyway, I'm not cut out for field work like you are. I'm more of a command center kinda guy, like M. The real M, not that old lady they replaced him with... that woman gives me the creeps... Probably one of their top agents. You though, you're good. Double-O-Seven wouldn't stay locked up in headquarters.”
Hisao looked down at his cup and realized that it was already empty. That stuff really did start going down smoother after the first couple drinks.
“I have no idea what you're talking about,” he said. The fact that Kenji was already accepted into three schools depressed him, though.
“You gotta get back on the horse. I know she did you wrong. Had it happen to me before.” Kenji was slurring his words a little, and Hisao could tell her was getting a bit drunk too.
“You?” Hisao said without thinking.
“Hey, don't sound so surprised! I've loved and lost. How do you think I got like this?” Kenji waved his hand dramatically over himself to illustrate.
That... explained a lot.
“Yeah, dude. She was beautiful. But deadly. Got me right where she wanted me, then--” he mimed a finger gun. “Sucked the life right out of me. Had to let her go. That's what you gotta do... let 'er go...”
“Can't let her go,” he found himself replying, and poured himself another drink. He was really starting to like the taste of this stuff... “I think she still likes me. Just have to wait for her...”
But she'd never said she did, had she? Not that way. He replayed her words in his head for the hundredth time. Even after he'd spilled his guts to her. She'd been... evasive. He'd thought maybe she liked him back, but what if he was wrong? What if that was the other part of the reason she was avoiding him? It would explain a lot... Oh, god. She really did just think of him as a friend...
Get a hold of yourself, Hisao. She told you exactly why she needed space. It doesn't have to have any bearing on how she feels about you personally. And he knew she'd been telling the truth... but what if she wasn't telling the whole truth? He just couldn't rid himself of the doubt, as much as he tried. Kenji snapped him out of his reverie by replying to his earlier statement.
“That's no good, man. I felt the same way. Couldn't let go. Took me a whole week to figure the whole thing out. Or was it a month? Anyway, I kept wanting to go get her back, but I made the right call in the end. They're insidious. Hanako is the same way, I can tell. She's probably an enemy deep agent, acting all shy like that to lull you into a false sense of security... just look at how quickly she joined the newspaper club...”
Hisao set down his cup, letting Kenji's continued ranting wash over him. He might be crazy, but what if the guy was right about one thing? What if he'd been holding onto a false hope? He'd kept thinking, he just needed to wait, let Hanako get herself settled in with the newspaper club and her new friends, then she'd come back and maybe... maybe they could be together. But now that he really looked at it head-on, he could see how pathetic it must seem. How pathetic it was. Didn't he have his own life to think about? Kenji and Mutou were right, he had been neglecting his schoolwork.
If Hanako didn't think of him that way, it wasn't like sulking in his room was going to help matters. It wasn't like he could convince her to like him, either. He didn't know much, but he knew things didn't work like that.
“...god knows she's suspicious enough, I heard how she always sneaks in and out of class... Probably running off to meet her handler...”
“Kenji,” Hisao interrupted his raving. His head was swimming, and he desperately wanted to get back to bed and sleep it off. “If I promise to let her go, will you get out and let me get some sleep?”
“That's what I've been saying! Just gotta let 'er go...”
“Yeah, man, you're right.”
Kenji swayed on his feet as he stood up. “Damn, I think I drank too much...”
“Take the bottle with you, will you? I don't want to get caught with it in here.”
Kenji waved him off, but picked it up where he'd left in on the floor.
“You're a smart man, Hisao. Lot smarter than you look.” He let out a loud belch. “See ya later, dude...”
Hisao collapsed on his bed when the door finally closed, fighting the sudden urge to sick up. Kenji's words still rang in his head. Let her go... He couldn't do that. Not yet. But maybe he did need to get back on track. Just... not tomorrow. Good thing it was a Sunday.
He put his pillow over his head and tried to get some sleep.
The rest of the week passed slowly. Hisao had found himself doing more and more reading in his room. At first he'd taken to reading in the library, hoping to see Hanako there. She'd come in a few times to pick up books, but never sat down in her usual corner. He didn't try to approach her when she came in, just watched her out of the corner of his eye. Whenever she saw him, she quickly took care of business with Yuuko and ran out. The message was clear: She wasn't ready to talk to him. So he'd stopped sitting in the library and found himself gravitating more and more to his dormitory room. No sense in depriving her of her sanctuary, he told himself.
They'd exchanged a few words in class, but the conversations had been short and filled with small talk and awkward silences. More often, Hanako talked to Naomi and Natsume. Or, rather, they talked to her, making an obvious effort to include her in their conversations, with Hanako only occasionally interjecting answers to their questions, or just listening to their talk with a little smile on her face. One day, she even worked with them on a group project, leaving Hisao to Misha and Shizune's care, as usual.
He was happy for Hanako, but it hurt that she wasn't doing any of that stuff with him. Oh, he understood why, and kept telling himself to be patient, but that didn't make it much easier.
Misha was incorrigible in her efforts to cheer him up.
“We heard you two had a fight,” Misha had said. “Girl trouble, Hicchan? It's okay, wahaha~! You can always hang out with us!”
Great. Now they were part of the rumor mill. “Where did you hear that?” he'd asked.
“Oh, it's going around! If you're trying to hide it, you're doing a terrible job! Haha~!”
They'd tried to wrestle him into having lunch with them a couple times, but he'd turned them down. He told himself he was still annoyed about how they always tried to push him around, like with that stuff about joining the Student Council, but some part of him recognized that he was trying to run away from everybody. Why am I acting like this? He wondered. He'd never had trouble making friends before. Sure, he wasn't the most social person, but it wasn't like him to hide in his room and read, like... like when he'd been in the hospital.
Maybe Hanako had rubbed off on him a bit, but he didn't think that was it. If he really tried to be honest with himself, he had to admit that he was scared. First his school friends had left him, then, more painfully, Iwanako. And now Hanako was avoiding him like he had the plague.
Lilly had revealed a secret to him on the phone the other night, too, when he'd told her how well Hanako was doing for herself. Lilly's parents had invited her to come back to Scotland to stay after she graduated... and she had decided to accept. She'd made him promise not to tell Hanako, and he'd assured her that wouldn't be a problem, since she wasn't speaking to him anyway. Lilly was sympathetic to him, but clearly even happier for Hanako, and distracted by her family. Besides, he couldn't afford to talk to her long... the international calls were too expensive.
Why bother getting close to anybody? They'll just leave, and I won't be here at Yamaku that much longer anyway.
And what about his future? His grades had been bad this past week, and he'd even failed to turn in a couple of homework assignments. Mutou had taken to frowning at him occasionally during class, but Hisao had started ducking out as soon as the bell rang, before the teacher could say anything. He still hadn't given any thought to what career he'd like to have, or what colleges he'd like to join. The break was coming up quickly, and it looked like he'd just be spending it with his parents.
The worst part was, he still couldn't let go of his feelings for Hanako. It even felt like they'd been growing as he watched her come out of he shell with Naomi and Natsume. He couldn't stop thinking about her shy smile, or the small kiss she'd given him when they last really talked. I'm falling hard for this girl, and she won't even talk to me, he'd realized. But why should she even be interested in him? He was a mess. That much had become clear. After treating her like a child for weeks, it had suddenly become obvious which of them was the stronger.
But try as he might, he couldn't summon the willpower to do something about it. So he sat, and read, and waited.
* * *
A pounding at his door woke him up from a blurry sleep. Looking at the clock, it was just past midnight. He'd fallen asleep earlier, and his book still lay half-open on his chest. A little sliver of light from the lamps outside spilled through the blinds of his window, and from the crack under his door.
BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-
Whoever it was, they were knocking way too hard. It sounded like they were trying to wake up half the building.
“I'm coming, damn it!” he shouted back, dropping his book on the floor and standing up. He was still in his school uniform, not having bothered to shower or change earlier in the evening. He rubbed sleep from his eyes and tottered over to the door, blinking at the brightness of the hall light when he swung it open.
Kenji stood in the doorway, a bottle of liquor in one hand. As soon as the door opened, he shoved his way into the room and turned on the light.
“What are you doing? Do you know what time it is?” Hisao asked after blinking for several long moments.
Kenji shrugged. “Nah, dude. Who cares? Got any cups?”
“No.”
“Shit. Normally I would say screw it, but since this is girl trouble... I'll be right back.”
He set down the bottle on the desk, then rushed back out of the room. Hisao briefly considered locking him out, then sighed and pulled out his desk chair to sit down.
A minute later Kenji came back with what looked like their tumblers from the hall bathroom.
“Are those clean?”
Another shrug. “It's whiskey, man. You won't care in a few minutes anyway.”
Hisao sighed. “What do you want, Kenji?” Probably to spout some hare-brained conspiracy theory, knowing him. No, wait, he'd mentioned something about girl trouble. Hisao groaned inwardly.
Kenji grabbed the whiskey from the desk, squeaked it open, and poured them each a big shot. He handed the cup over and quickly downed his own, unapologetic as he plopped down on Hisao's bed.
“Drink up. We gotta talk.”
Hisao stared down at his own cup. He'd never had hard liquor before, much less straight, but ah... what the hell. He took a healthy sip, then almost coughed it all up as the burning sensation worked its way down his chest.
“I'm worried about you, dude. I heard about what that Hanako girl did to you. Can't say I didn't warn you, buddy.”
Great. If even Kenji knew about his problems, it really must be all over the school. Hisao immediately gulped down the rest of the whiskey, and regretted it right away as half of it came sputtering out in a thin spray.
“Hey! Do you know how expensive that stuff is?” But Kenji was already grabbing his cup and pouring him another.
“What did you hear? No, wait, nevermind, I don't want to know.”
“Mutou came up here and talked to me... yesterday? Damn, I don't remember. Anyway, he told me you've been slacking off. That's no good, it's not like you, man. You gotta keep your grades up, gotta stop locking yourself in your room like this.”
Hisao couldn't help it, he burst out laughing. Kenji said he needed to get out of his room? Damn, maybe he was already getting a bit tipsy.
“Pot... kettle?” he said.
“Hey man, my grades are solid. I'm already accepted into three universities. Anyway, I'm not cut out for field work like you are. I'm more of a command center kinda guy, like M. The real M, not that old lady they replaced him with... that woman gives me the creeps... Probably one of their top agents. You though, you're good. Double-O-Seven wouldn't stay locked up in headquarters.”
Hisao looked down at his cup and realized that it was already empty. That stuff really did start going down smoother after the first couple drinks.
“I have no idea what you're talking about,” he said. The fact that Kenji was already accepted into three schools depressed him, though.
“You gotta get back on the horse. I know she did you wrong. Had it happen to me before.” Kenji was slurring his words a little, and Hisao could tell her was getting a bit drunk too.
“You?” Hisao said without thinking.
“Hey, don't sound so surprised! I've loved and lost. How do you think I got like this?” Kenji waved his hand dramatically over himself to illustrate.
That... explained a lot.
“Yeah, dude. She was beautiful. But deadly. Got me right where she wanted me, then--” he mimed a finger gun. “Sucked the life right out of me. Had to let her go. That's what you gotta do... let 'er go...”
“Can't let her go,” he found himself replying, and poured himself another drink. He was really starting to like the taste of this stuff... “I think she still likes me. Just have to wait for her...”
But she'd never said she did, had she? Not that way. He replayed her words in his head for the hundredth time. Even after he'd spilled his guts to her. She'd been... evasive. He'd thought maybe she liked him back, but what if he was wrong? What if that was the other part of the reason she was avoiding him? It would explain a lot... Oh, god. She really did just think of him as a friend...
Get a hold of yourself, Hisao. She told you exactly why she needed space. It doesn't have to have any bearing on how she feels about you personally. And he knew she'd been telling the truth... but what if she wasn't telling the whole truth? He just couldn't rid himself of the doubt, as much as he tried. Kenji snapped him out of his reverie by replying to his earlier statement.
“That's no good, man. I felt the same way. Couldn't let go. Took me a whole week to figure the whole thing out. Or was it a month? Anyway, I kept wanting to go get her back, but I made the right call in the end. They're insidious. Hanako is the same way, I can tell. She's probably an enemy deep agent, acting all shy like that to lull you into a false sense of security... just look at how quickly she joined the newspaper club...”
Hisao set down his cup, letting Kenji's continued ranting wash over him. He might be crazy, but what if the guy was right about one thing? What if he'd been holding onto a false hope? He'd kept thinking, he just needed to wait, let Hanako get herself settled in with the newspaper club and her new friends, then she'd come back and maybe... maybe they could be together. But now that he really looked at it head-on, he could see how pathetic it must seem. How pathetic it was. Didn't he have his own life to think about? Kenji and Mutou were right, he had been neglecting his schoolwork.
If Hanako didn't think of him that way, it wasn't like sulking in his room was going to help matters. It wasn't like he could convince her to like him, either. He didn't know much, but he knew things didn't work like that.
“...god knows she's suspicious enough, I heard how she always sneaks in and out of class... Probably running off to meet her handler...”
“Kenji,” Hisao interrupted his raving. His head was swimming, and he desperately wanted to get back to bed and sleep it off. “If I promise to let her go, will you get out and let me get some sleep?”
“That's what I've been saying! Just gotta let 'er go...”
“Yeah, man, you're right.”
Kenji swayed on his feet as he stood up. “Damn, I think I drank too much...”
“Take the bottle with you, will you? I don't want to get caught with it in here.”
Kenji waved him off, but picked it up where he'd left in on the floor.
“You're a smart man, Hisao. Lot smarter than you look.” He let out a loud belch. “See ya later, dude...”
Hisao collapsed on his bed when the door finally closed, fighting the sudden urge to sick up. Kenji's words still rang in his head. Let her go... He couldn't do that. Not yet. But maybe he did need to get back on track. Just... not tomorrow. Good thing it was a Sunday.
He put his pillow over his head and tried to get some sleep.
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending)
8
Hanako sat on her beanbag in the library, barely paying attention to the book on her lap. Lilly was getting in today from the airport. She'd left Hanako a text message about it last night. They hadn't talked in a week except by text, through the proxy of Lilly's mother, and consequently of unimportant things. Hanako had been avoiding her calls. She knew Lilly had spoken with Hisao. Explaining her outburst had seemed impossible over the phone. What if Lilly was angry with her? What if Hanako had permanently damaged their friendship? Lilly hadn't given any hint of that in her text messages, but then, she wouldn't with her mother typing all of them for her, would she?
Yet at the same time, she was excited to have Lilly back. There was so much she wanted to tell her. She really felt like she was becoming friends with Naomi and Natsume, and she felt like she was actually useful to the newspaper club. It was a novel feeling, and she liked it.
Checking her watch, she realized it was about time to head down to meet Lilly at the gate. She put back her book and headed out into the hall. There were only a few students walking around; it was after class, but before dinner, so she imagined most people were busy with homework or hanging out. That suited her just fine.
Stepping out the school building's front door, she held one hand over her eyes to block out the late afternoon sun. The warmth of the day felt good on her skin, with just a hint of breeze to take the bite out of the hot sun. Hanako kept her head down to avoid the gazes of the few students out on the grounds, following the cobble path out toward the school gate.
When she got to the gate, Lilly's cab was already pulling up. She must have gotten in early. Hanako fought off the urge to run back to her room and hide. They'd have to talk sooner or later. Now... to find out how badly she'd messed things up with her best friend.
Lilly was already stepping out from the back of the cab, her cane outstretched to find the curb. Once found, she stepped out with her typical assuredness.
“H-hi Lilly,” Hanako forced out.
“Hanako? My, my, it's good to hear your voice.” Lilly smiled softly, but there was something a little tentative in her voice. “Just let me pay the driver, and I'll be right with you. If you wouldn't mind picking up my bag from the trunk?”
“Okay...” Hanako took the opportunity to glance around. There was no sign of Hisao, either around the gate or on the path leading down to it. She felt a pang of disappointment at that. He hadn't tried to talk to her in days, and she'd barely seen him outside of class. At the same time, she didn't think she was ready to deal with him yet... it still felt like even one pitying look from him would be intolerable. Why was she so much more worried about him seeing her as an equal than Lilly?
Lilly's bag was heavy, but manageable, and by the time she managed to wrestle it out of the trunk, Lilly was already walking back from the driver's door. Hanako set the bag down on the curb, then turned to see Lilly stepping up behind her. She wanted to hug her friend, but she wasn't sure if it would be welcomed.
“I'm glad you're h-home,” she settled for. The cab pulled away behind Lilly.
“I am too,” Lilly said, but there was a hesitancy in her voice that worried Hanako. Was she upset with her? They hadn't been awkward like this in a long time, but now it felt like they were back to where they'd been when they first met.
“Let's go find somewhere quiet to sit and catch up,” Lilly said. “Can you manage my bag, or...?”
“I can handle it,” Hanako said, hefting it up from the curb. “Is... Hisao...?”
“I told him when I was arriving, but he said he would see me tomorrow. Apparently he is very behind on his studies. But we can talk about him later,” Lilly said, signaling an end to that line of conversation. “I want to hear all about the newspaper club.”
They worked their way up to Lilly's dorm room slowly, while Hanako explained all about the last week. The sun was beginning to set, and the afternoon light cast shadows across the cobbled path from the trees surrounding the grounds. Hanako told Lilly about her duties with the club—typing up handwritten reports, a little copy editing here and there. More hesitantly, she mentioned her budding friendships with Naomi and Natsume. For a moment, she marveled that she was able to talk so long, and with a steady voice, even if it was just with Lilly. Maybe she really was getting stronger. Soon they arrived at the door to Lilly's room, and she opened it without hesitation.
“...I think... maybe we could become good friends. They're really nice... well, Naomi is... hard to keep up with, sometimes.” She set down Lilly's bag inside the door with a huff of breath, rubbing her tired arm.
“I'm happy you're doing so well, Hanako.” Lilly sat down on the bed, patting it for Hanako to join her.
“Are you... are you... a-angry with me?” Hanako asked, her nerves rushing back. She took a seat beside Lilly. “You seem...”
“No! Oh! Is that what you thought? Hisao said you sounded so angry with us, and...”
Hanako breathed a sigh of relief, then found herself flinging her arms around Lilly. Lilly hugged her right back, and for a moment she just enjoyed her friend's comforting presence. But when she pulled back, Lilly's face still seemed trouble. It probably wouldn't look like much to most people, but Hanako had seen that face many times. It was the I'm worried about you face, and it made her want to look away, skirt whatever the issue was as quickly as possible.
No. I decided won't do that anymore.
“W-what else is wrong?” she made herself ask.
Lilly sighed. “I wanted to wait to tell you this, but nothing gets past you, as usual. There's no easy way to say this, so... My family has summoned me to join them in Scotland as soon as I graduate. And I accepted.”
Hanako felt like her mind had gone blank. Lilly... leaving? For good?
“B-but... you won't... I won't...”
Lilly reached over and found Hanako's hands, then squeezed. “You will be just fine. I made this decision because I think it is the right course for me, but hearing how well you've picked yourself up this past week... I am so proud of you.”
But she'd known the whole time Lilly was coming back. That she'd have Lilly's support again in just a week or two. Now that assurance would be gone forever. And... she'd missed her friend. She didn't bother to hide her tears as she wrapped her arms around Lilly's neck again.
“Now, now,” Lilly said, hugging her back. “It's not for a few more months. And we'll still be friends, and talk on the phone all the time. If you'll promise to actually answer yours,” Hanako might have thought her upset after all if there wasn't such a teasing smile in Lilly's voice as she said the last.
They held each other for a few more minutes until Hanako managed to settle her breathing a little and wipe away her tears. The sun had set the rest of the way outside the window, and only dim light filtered through the blinds into the room. It wouldn't matter to Lilly, of course, but Hanako reached over to flick on the lamp for her own sake. When she looked back, Lilly was wearing a thoughtful expression.
“If you don't mind talking about it, Hanako, I'd like to hear what happened with Hisao. I understand the two of you aren't speaking.”
* * *
It took awhile to explain the situation to Lilly. Hanako didn't share everything... the full contents of his letter, for instance, she kept private. That was his and hers, and nobody else's. But she talked about how angry she had gotten when he wouldn't stop talking about protecting her and helping her, how he'd apologized afterward, and about how he'd asked her out soon after. Lilly listened patiently through all of it, nodding or asking gentle questions here and there.
“...and now I don't know how to deal with him.” He'd looked so down in class lately, and he'd stopped coming to the library or trying to speak with her at all. She felt miserable when she thought about that. Maybe he regretted ever confessing to her now. Maybe he would move on to other women.
I made my decision. I can't go back on it now. Not when everything else is going so well. Can I?
Lilly sat silently for a long moment, then spoke.
“I suppose the most important question is whether you feel about him the way he does about you,” she said. “Do you?”
Hanako felt a little startled at the question. It was unusually direct, for how Lilly usually spoke with her. After a moment, though, she decided that was a good thing, and considered the question itself. How did she feel about Hisao?
She thought back to the first time she'd seen him, introducing himself in class. How he spoke about liking to read and play soccer, then just trailed off awkwardly. That goofy cowlick which always stuck up from the top of his hair, even back then. She'd thought he was cute right away, of course. Then his sincerity as they'd first started to become friends... The way he never mentioned her scars, and after the first few days, never seemed to even give them a second glance. She'd developed a bit of a crush on him, but pushed it down, telling herself it was hopeless and that surely he would like Lilly instead, the way everyone did.
But then he'd kept talking to her, trying to get to know her better. He'd sought her out during the festival, found excuses to spend time with her. But he'd never opened up much, even when she'd offered information about her own past. She'd thought maybe he would tell her more, soon, if she just kept trying. But then she'd had that panic attack in class, and everything had gone horribly wrong. Hisao had started treating her just like Lilly did, like a broken child to be protected. And she'd grown to hate him for that, she'd thought.
Because he was good-looking and sweet and sincere and most of all, he saw me as a real person. Then he took that away from me. He betrayed me. Or I betrayed myself, by never explaining my feelings to him. Or both.
“I'm sorry, Hanako, I shouldn't have asked...” Lilly interrupted her thoughts.
Hanako realized she'd been silent for a long time, thinking things through.
“D-don't apologize! It's a normal question... for friends.” She swallowed, adding something she never would have said two weeks ago. “Please don't ever apologize... for being honest with me, or asking me an honest question. I-if I don't want to answer, I'll say so. I was just thinking.”
“Then in the spirit of honesty... Sometimes, when you get quiet like that, people misinterpret things. I know you're a private person, and a deep thinker, but it's okay to think out loud a little among close friends.”
Hanako felt her face heat a bit. “I know. Sometimes... I'm not being shy, though. Sometimes I just get caught up in my thoughts.”
Lilly nodded again. “So do you like him?” she asked, a hint of teasing in her voice.
“I like him a lot,” she said, realizing as she did it was the truth. “I just... don't know if I trust him.”
Lilly was quiet for a moment. “About trust... does the same go for me?” she finally asked.
Hanako heard a little bit of hurt in Lilly's voice, at that, and it showed on her face, too. So she wasn't as unfazed by everything as she'd acted. It made her ashamed, to have put a little crack in their friendship like this, and part of her wanted to run away and hide. But... if Hanako deserved the truth about things, then so did Lilly.
“I... think I can trust that you're my friend. T-that you won't stop being my friend, even if I'm still scared sometimes. But I don't know if I trust... you to treat me like an adult.”
Lilly smiled sadly. “Fair enough. Perhaps I deserve that, although I have been trying to do better, recently.”
She had? Hanako thought back to the past few weeks. She'd been so wrapped up in the situation with Hisao that she hadn't really paid close attention to how Lilly had been acting, until Hisao had mentioned that he'd talked to her before their disastrous confrontation...
Now that she considered it, she supposed Lilly had been giving her a little more space, and treating her a bit differently. She smiled to realize it.
“Thank you, Lilly. And... for being there for me.”
“Now, about Hisao. Is that what you worry about? That he'll treat you like a child? Or that he'll leave you?”
“B-both, I think. He apologized for treating me that way, and sounded like he would try not to, but...” She took a breath. “I also worry... that he'll get bored of me.” Maybe he already has, her doubt and worry added silently.
“They say trust is earned,” Lilly said. “If I might say something... and I know you're trying to figure things out for yourself, and like I said, I'm proud of you... But it sounds like you are not giving him a chance to earn back your trust.”
Hanako took a breath to protest, but Lilly heard her and held up a finger.
“Now, if you don't want to be with him, or you just need a little time, that's fine. But you should keep in mind that Hisao has feelings too, and he won't wait forever. Did you ever tell him you liked him back? Not just as a friend, but the same way he likes you?”
“I... of course I...!” Hanako swallowed, taking a moment to think about their last real conversation. “...oh. I guess... not?” Oh. Suddenly, his depressed behavior made a lot more sense.
Lilly smiled. “Well. Just keep it in mind, all right?” She stood up from the bed abruptly, as if she hadn't just shaken Hanako's entire perception of events with her insight.
“Now. Would you like to go get some dinner? I haven't eaten since I got off the plane.”
Hanako sat on her beanbag in the library, barely paying attention to the book on her lap. Lilly was getting in today from the airport. She'd left Hanako a text message about it last night. They hadn't talked in a week except by text, through the proxy of Lilly's mother, and consequently of unimportant things. Hanako had been avoiding her calls. She knew Lilly had spoken with Hisao. Explaining her outburst had seemed impossible over the phone. What if Lilly was angry with her? What if Hanako had permanently damaged their friendship? Lilly hadn't given any hint of that in her text messages, but then, she wouldn't with her mother typing all of them for her, would she?
Yet at the same time, she was excited to have Lilly back. There was so much she wanted to tell her. She really felt like she was becoming friends with Naomi and Natsume, and she felt like she was actually useful to the newspaper club. It was a novel feeling, and she liked it.
Checking her watch, she realized it was about time to head down to meet Lilly at the gate. She put back her book and headed out into the hall. There were only a few students walking around; it was after class, but before dinner, so she imagined most people were busy with homework or hanging out. That suited her just fine.
Stepping out the school building's front door, she held one hand over her eyes to block out the late afternoon sun. The warmth of the day felt good on her skin, with just a hint of breeze to take the bite out of the hot sun. Hanako kept her head down to avoid the gazes of the few students out on the grounds, following the cobble path out toward the school gate.
When she got to the gate, Lilly's cab was already pulling up. She must have gotten in early. Hanako fought off the urge to run back to her room and hide. They'd have to talk sooner or later. Now... to find out how badly she'd messed things up with her best friend.
Lilly was already stepping out from the back of the cab, her cane outstretched to find the curb. Once found, she stepped out with her typical assuredness.
“H-hi Lilly,” Hanako forced out.
“Hanako? My, my, it's good to hear your voice.” Lilly smiled softly, but there was something a little tentative in her voice. “Just let me pay the driver, and I'll be right with you. If you wouldn't mind picking up my bag from the trunk?”
“Okay...” Hanako took the opportunity to glance around. There was no sign of Hisao, either around the gate or on the path leading down to it. She felt a pang of disappointment at that. He hadn't tried to talk to her in days, and she'd barely seen him outside of class. At the same time, she didn't think she was ready to deal with him yet... it still felt like even one pitying look from him would be intolerable. Why was she so much more worried about him seeing her as an equal than Lilly?
Lilly's bag was heavy, but manageable, and by the time she managed to wrestle it out of the trunk, Lilly was already walking back from the driver's door. Hanako set the bag down on the curb, then turned to see Lilly stepping up behind her. She wanted to hug her friend, but she wasn't sure if it would be welcomed.
“I'm glad you're h-home,” she settled for. The cab pulled away behind Lilly.
“I am too,” Lilly said, but there was a hesitancy in her voice that worried Hanako. Was she upset with her? They hadn't been awkward like this in a long time, but now it felt like they were back to where they'd been when they first met.
“Let's go find somewhere quiet to sit and catch up,” Lilly said. “Can you manage my bag, or...?”
“I can handle it,” Hanako said, hefting it up from the curb. “Is... Hisao...?”
“I told him when I was arriving, but he said he would see me tomorrow. Apparently he is very behind on his studies. But we can talk about him later,” Lilly said, signaling an end to that line of conversation. “I want to hear all about the newspaper club.”
They worked their way up to Lilly's dorm room slowly, while Hanako explained all about the last week. The sun was beginning to set, and the afternoon light cast shadows across the cobbled path from the trees surrounding the grounds. Hanako told Lilly about her duties with the club—typing up handwritten reports, a little copy editing here and there. More hesitantly, she mentioned her budding friendships with Naomi and Natsume. For a moment, she marveled that she was able to talk so long, and with a steady voice, even if it was just with Lilly. Maybe she really was getting stronger. Soon they arrived at the door to Lilly's room, and she opened it without hesitation.
“...I think... maybe we could become good friends. They're really nice... well, Naomi is... hard to keep up with, sometimes.” She set down Lilly's bag inside the door with a huff of breath, rubbing her tired arm.
“I'm happy you're doing so well, Hanako.” Lilly sat down on the bed, patting it for Hanako to join her.
“Are you... are you... a-angry with me?” Hanako asked, her nerves rushing back. She took a seat beside Lilly. “You seem...”
“No! Oh! Is that what you thought? Hisao said you sounded so angry with us, and...”
Hanako breathed a sigh of relief, then found herself flinging her arms around Lilly. Lilly hugged her right back, and for a moment she just enjoyed her friend's comforting presence. But when she pulled back, Lilly's face still seemed trouble. It probably wouldn't look like much to most people, but Hanako had seen that face many times. It was the I'm worried about you face, and it made her want to look away, skirt whatever the issue was as quickly as possible.
No. I decided won't do that anymore.
“W-what else is wrong?” she made herself ask.
Lilly sighed. “I wanted to wait to tell you this, but nothing gets past you, as usual. There's no easy way to say this, so... My family has summoned me to join them in Scotland as soon as I graduate. And I accepted.”
Hanako felt like her mind had gone blank. Lilly... leaving? For good?
“B-but... you won't... I won't...”
Lilly reached over and found Hanako's hands, then squeezed. “You will be just fine. I made this decision because I think it is the right course for me, but hearing how well you've picked yourself up this past week... I am so proud of you.”
But she'd known the whole time Lilly was coming back. That she'd have Lilly's support again in just a week or two. Now that assurance would be gone forever. And... she'd missed her friend. She didn't bother to hide her tears as she wrapped her arms around Lilly's neck again.
“Now, now,” Lilly said, hugging her back. “It's not for a few more months. And we'll still be friends, and talk on the phone all the time. If you'll promise to actually answer yours,” Hanako might have thought her upset after all if there wasn't such a teasing smile in Lilly's voice as she said the last.
They held each other for a few more minutes until Hanako managed to settle her breathing a little and wipe away her tears. The sun had set the rest of the way outside the window, and only dim light filtered through the blinds into the room. It wouldn't matter to Lilly, of course, but Hanako reached over to flick on the lamp for her own sake. When she looked back, Lilly was wearing a thoughtful expression.
“If you don't mind talking about it, Hanako, I'd like to hear what happened with Hisao. I understand the two of you aren't speaking.”
* * *
It took awhile to explain the situation to Lilly. Hanako didn't share everything... the full contents of his letter, for instance, she kept private. That was his and hers, and nobody else's. But she talked about how angry she had gotten when he wouldn't stop talking about protecting her and helping her, how he'd apologized afterward, and about how he'd asked her out soon after. Lilly listened patiently through all of it, nodding or asking gentle questions here and there.
“...and now I don't know how to deal with him.” He'd looked so down in class lately, and he'd stopped coming to the library or trying to speak with her at all. She felt miserable when she thought about that. Maybe he regretted ever confessing to her now. Maybe he would move on to other women.
I made my decision. I can't go back on it now. Not when everything else is going so well. Can I?
Lilly sat silently for a long moment, then spoke.
“I suppose the most important question is whether you feel about him the way he does about you,” she said. “Do you?”
Hanako felt a little startled at the question. It was unusually direct, for how Lilly usually spoke with her. After a moment, though, she decided that was a good thing, and considered the question itself. How did she feel about Hisao?
She thought back to the first time she'd seen him, introducing himself in class. How he spoke about liking to read and play soccer, then just trailed off awkwardly. That goofy cowlick which always stuck up from the top of his hair, even back then. She'd thought he was cute right away, of course. Then his sincerity as they'd first started to become friends... The way he never mentioned her scars, and after the first few days, never seemed to even give them a second glance. She'd developed a bit of a crush on him, but pushed it down, telling herself it was hopeless and that surely he would like Lilly instead, the way everyone did.
But then he'd kept talking to her, trying to get to know her better. He'd sought her out during the festival, found excuses to spend time with her. But he'd never opened up much, even when she'd offered information about her own past. She'd thought maybe he would tell her more, soon, if she just kept trying. But then she'd had that panic attack in class, and everything had gone horribly wrong. Hisao had started treating her just like Lilly did, like a broken child to be protected. And she'd grown to hate him for that, she'd thought.
Because he was good-looking and sweet and sincere and most of all, he saw me as a real person. Then he took that away from me. He betrayed me. Or I betrayed myself, by never explaining my feelings to him. Or both.
“I'm sorry, Hanako, I shouldn't have asked...” Lilly interrupted her thoughts.
Hanako realized she'd been silent for a long time, thinking things through.
“D-don't apologize! It's a normal question... for friends.” She swallowed, adding something she never would have said two weeks ago. “Please don't ever apologize... for being honest with me, or asking me an honest question. I-if I don't want to answer, I'll say so. I was just thinking.”
“Then in the spirit of honesty... Sometimes, when you get quiet like that, people misinterpret things. I know you're a private person, and a deep thinker, but it's okay to think out loud a little among close friends.”
Hanako felt her face heat a bit. “I know. Sometimes... I'm not being shy, though. Sometimes I just get caught up in my thoughts.”
Lilly nodded again. “So do you like him?” she asked, a hint of teasing in her voice.
“I like him a lot,” she said, realizing as she did it was the truth. “I just... don't know if I trust him.”
Lilly was quiet for a moment. “About trust... does the same go for me?” she finally asked.
Hanako heard a little bit of hurt in Lilly's voice, at that, and it showed on her face, too. So she wasn't as unfazed by everything as she'd acted. It made her ashamed, to have put a little crack in their friendship like this, and part of her wanted to run away and hide. But... if Hanako deserved the truth about things, then so did Lilly.
“I... think I can trust that you're my friend. T-that you won't stop being my friend, even if I'm still scared sometimes. But I don't know if I trust... you to treat me like an adult.”
Lilly smiled sadly. “Fair enough. Perhaps I deserve that, although I have been trying to do better, recently.”
She had? Hanako thought back to the past few weeks. She'd been so wrapped up in the situation with Hisao that she hadn't really paid close attention to how Lilly had been acting, until Hisao had mentioned that he'd talked to her before their disastrous confrontation...
Now that she considered it, she supposed Lilly had been giving her a little more space, and treating her a bit differently. She smiled to realize it.
“Thank you, Lilly. And... for being there for me.”
“Now, about Hisao. Is that what you worry about? That he'll treat you like a child? Or that he'll leave you?”
“B-both, I think. He apologized for treating me that way, and sounded like he would try not to, but...” She took a breath. “I also worry... that he'll get bored of me.” Maybe he already has, her doubt and worry added silently.
“They say trust is earned,” Lilly said. “If I might say something... and I know you're trying to figure things out for yourself, and like I said, I'm proud of you... But it sounds like you are not giving him a chance to earn back your trust.”
Hanako took a breath to protest, but Lilly heard her and held up a finger.
“Now, if you don't want to be with him, or you just need a little time, that's fine. But you should keep in mind that Hisao has feelings too, and he won't wait forever. Did you ever tell him you liked him back? Not just as a friend, but the same way he likes you?”
“I... of course I...!” Hanako swallowed, taking a moment to think about their last real conversation. “...oh. I guess... not?” Oh. Suddenly, his depressed behavior made a lot more sense.
Lilly smiled. “Well. Just keep it in mind, all right?” She stood up from the bed abruptly, as if she hadn't just shaken Hanako's entire perception of events with her insight.
“Now. Would you like to go get some dinner? I haven't eaten since I got off the plane.”
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending)
9 (pt. 1)
The Shanghai was nearly empty, as usual. Yuuko was busily wiping down an empty table in the corner where an older couple had just departed. Rain pattered the window outside, a pleasing backdrop to the dim light filtering in through the windows. Luckily, it hadn't started raining until he'd already arrived.
Hisao sipped his coffee, highlighting a few more lines in his notes on the Edo Period. He didn't have a head for this history stuff, and after several days of slacking off, he was all but certain he was going to flunk the exam. The historical figures were meaningless to him, their stories told so broadly he couldn't get them to stick in his mind. He wished there were more specifics about the way people had felt about all the historical events. Maybe that would make it easier.
It didn't help that his focus was still pretty much shot. He'd hoped Lilly being back and getting into the routine of studying again would help still his whirling thoughts, but having tea with her had proved unfruitful, as she wouldn't tell him anything regarding how Hanako felt about him. It had been good to see her, but she'd been more closed off than usual, clearly preventing herself from interfering between them.
And he was finding it difficult to pay attention to his studies, with his mind constantly flicking back to his relationship situation.
This was hopeless. He set down his pencil and rubbed his eyes with a sigh. He knew that Mutou and Lilly and even Kenji were right that he needed to worry about his own future. But he felt like he couldn't get anything done until his problems with Hanako were straightened out. One way or another.
It was an uncomfortable situation. It wasn't like he could go to her and give her an ultimatum. Like me back or we're through! That would be an awful thing to do to her, and just thinking about it made his heart sink. Whatever else he felt about her, she was his friend. If they could just go back to that, he thought maybe he'd be all right.
Maybe it was like Kenji said. He groaned just thinking of accepting his advice. But he might have a point, in a way. Maybe Hisao just needed to try to let go of his feelings for her. If she didn't feel the same way about him, then maybe his declaration of his feelings was standing between their friendship. But it was so difficult not to feel that way about her when he thought about her earnest smile, or that calm, focused look she got when they were in the middle of a game. He knew he wasn't being rational, but even her awkward silences had become endearing in his memory.
“Would you like some more coffee?”
He nearly jumped as Yuuko's softly-voiced question interrupted his thoughts.
“Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-”
“It's okay, Yuuko. No thank you, I think I'm just about done here.”
“Are you all right?” she asked. She sounded genuinely concerned.
“I don't know. I have to make a hard decision about something, and I don't know if I can do it.” He was surprised to find himself telling her about things. He supposed he hadn't really had anybody else to talk to in awhile, so maybe Yuuko was the closest person to someone he could confide in.
Yuuko pulled out a chair and sat down.
“Is it about...?”
“Hanako. Yes,” he admitted. “I just don't really know how she thinks of me. I thought we were getting closer, but then I messed everything up, and found out I never knew her the way I thought I did.”
“So you're trying to decide whether to confess to her?” Yuuko smiled. “That's so sweet.”
“I... kind of already did.”
“Oh,” she said. “Oh. I see.”
“I guess... with the way she's been acting... she probably doesn't feel the same way I do. And now I just, miss being her friend.” He sighed.
“I'm sorry, Hisao. That's difficult. But she's so shy... are you sure she doesn't...?”
“That's the problem. I'm not sure. But I can't stop thinking about her, and she's avoiding me, so I can't go talk to her about things. I can't think straight, and my grades are dropping, and I just need some... closure, I guess.”
Suddenly, he wondered if something like this was what had motivated Iwanako to finally send him that letter. And, he realized guiltily, he'd still never written her back.
“I guess I'm kind of a mess,” he said.
“It sounds like you're thinking pretty clearly to me,” Yuuko said. “It sounds like... you already know what you want to do.”
“I guess I do,” he said. “It's just hard to actually do it.”
Maybe thinking about it so much was just making things harder. Maybe he just needed to tell Hanako that they needed to talk, and it was important. She'd probably come. Maybe. But then at least he'd be forced to clear the air. He hated to do anything to disrupt all the progress she'd made lately, but... perhaps thinking that way was wrong. She'd been clear that she hated being treated like a delicate flower. He also had his own future to consider, and this was clearly distracting him a great deal.
The door to the restaurant opened, and Yuuko jumped up as a pair of customers entered. “I'd better--”
“It's okay,” he said. “Thank you for listening, Yuuko.” She smiled back at him, then rushed over to deal with the customers.
Hisao snapped closed his notebook and stood up to head back to the school, pulling out his phone as he went. Before he could have second thoughts, he began typing out a text message to Hanako.
* * *
Hanako typed away on the computer in the newspaper club's classroom, working late. She was editing a report about the track team while a few other lingering members of the club chatted away on the other side of the room. Nobody else on the club was as quick of a typist as she was, or as good with the editing software, and they'd quickly ceded control of the computer to her when they realized she had a knack for it. Hanako suspected Naomi'd had something to do with the lack of protests at that, but had never asked. She was just happy to be useful.
The click-clack of the keyboard keys were comforting, half-drowning out the chatter across the room and drawing her into a focused state as she looked over the report.
Emi Ibarazaka took first place in the 4x200m relay on Saturday...
Hanako quickly fixed the botched spelling of Emi's surname, smiling a little as she thought about the bubbly track star. She supposed she'd never be that good at anything or that driven, but it felt good to be doing something productive.
Her phone buzzed on the desk next to her, breaking her concentration. Who could be texting her? It probably wasn't Lilly, for obvious reasons, and she doubted Akira would be sending anything in the middle of a work day... so that left... She swallowed.
I need to talk to you, the message read. Can I come up to your room?
She froze, staring down at the phone in her hands. She wasn't ready to have this conversation, she couldn't do it, she, she... took a deep breath, remembering Lilly's words. Hisao has feelings too. She'd been avoiding thinking about him the last few days, ever since Lilly had made her confront the lack of clarity between them. Now Hisao was forcing her hand. If she didn't come talk to him, what would he think of her?
She put herself in his shoes. What must he already think? Her inaction regarding him the last couple weeks was almost as bad, wasn't it? She'd be confirming what he must already fear.
That was unacceptable, she realized with a start. She saved the report and stood up.
“Finished already?” Natsume asked as she stepped toward the classroom door.
“N-no. Not quite. I... have to meet a friend. It's important.”
Natsume looked curious, but always the soul of tact, merely raised an eyebrow in response.
“I'll have it done tonight, I p-promise,” Hanako said.
“Good enough for me. Go meet your friend,” Natsume grinned under her glasses. “See you later, Hanako.”
“S-see you.”
The Shanghai was nearly empty, as usual. Yuuko was busily wiping down an empty table in the corner where an older couple had just departed. Rain pattered the window outside, a pleasing backdrop to the dim light filtering in through the windows. Luckily, it hadn't started raining until he'd already arrived.
Hisao sipped his coffee, highlighting a few more lines in his notes on the Edo Period. He didn't have a head for this history stuff, and after several days of slacking off, he was all but certain he was going to flunk the exam. The historical figures were meaningless to him, their stories told so broadly he couldn't get them to stick in his mind. He wished there were more specifics about the way people had felt about all the historical events. Maybe that would make it easier.
It didn't help that his focus was still pretty much shot. He'd hoped Lilly being back and getting into the routine of studying again would help still his whirling thoughts, but having tea with her had proved unfruitful, as she wouldn't tell him anything regarding how Hanako felt about him. It had been good to see her, but she'd been more closed off than usual, clearly preventing herself from interfering between them.
And he was finding it difficult to pay attention to his studies, with his mind constantly flicking back to his relationship situation.
This was hopeless. He set down his pencil and rubbed his eyes with a sigh. He knew that Mutou and Lilly and even Kenji were right that he needed to worry about his own future. But he felt like he couldn't get anything done until his problems with Hanako were straightened out. One way or another.
It was an uncomfortable situation. It wasn't like he could go to her and give her an ultimatum. Like me back or we're through! That would be an awful thing to do to her, and just thinking about it made his heart sink. Whatever else he felt about her, she was his friend. If they could just go back to that, he thought maybe he'd be all right.
Maybe it was like Kenji said. He groaned just thinking of accepting his advice. But he might have a point, in a way. Maybe Hisao just needed to try to let go of his feelings for her. If she didn't feel the same way about him, then maybe his declaration of his feelings was standing between their friendship. But it was so difficult not to feel that way about her when he thought about her earnest smile, or that calm, focused look she got when they were in the middle of a game. He knew he wasn't being rational, but even her awkward silences had become endearing in his memory.
“Would you like some more coffee?”
He nearly jumped as Yuuko's softly-voiced question interrupted his thoughts.
“Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-”
“It's okay, Yuuko. No thank you, I think I'm just about done here.”
“Are you all right?” she asked. She sounded genuinely concerned.
“I don't know. I have to make a hard decision about something, and I don't know if I can do it.” He was surprised to find himself telling her about things. He supposed he hadn't really had anybody else to talk to in awhile, so maybe Yuuko was the closest person to someone he could confide in.
Yuuko pulled out a chair and sat down.
“Is it about...?”
“Hanako. Yes,” he admitted. “I just don't really know how she thinks of me. I thought we were getting closer, but then I messed everything up, and found out I never knew her the way I thought I did.”
“So you're trying to decide whether to confess to her?” Yuuko smiled. “That's so sweet.”
“I... kind of already did.”
“Oh,” she said. “Oh. I see.”
“I guess... with the way she's been acting... she probably doesn't feel the same way I do. And now I just, miss being her friend.” He sighed.
“I'm sorry, Hisao. That's difficult. But she's so shy... are you sure she doesn't...?”
“That's the problem. I'm not sure. But I can't stop thinking about her, and she's avoiding me, so I can't go talk to her about things. I can't think straight, and my grades are dropping, and I just need some... closure, I guess.”
Suddenly, he wondered if something like this was what had motivated Iwanako to finally send him that letter. And, he realized guiltily, he'd still never written her back.
“I guess I'm kind of a mess,” he said.
“It sounds like you're thinking pretty clearly to me,” Yuuko said. “It sounds like... you already know what you want to do.”
“I guess I do,” he said. “It's just hard to actually do it.”
Maybe thinking about it so much was just making things harder. Maybe he just needed to tell Hanako that they needed to talk, and it was important. She'd probably come. Maybe. But then at least he'd be forced to clear the air. He hated to do anything to disrupt all the progress she'd made lately, but... perhaps thinking that way was wrong. She'd been clear that she hated being treated like a delicate flower. He also had his own future to consider, and this was clearly distracting him a great deal.
The door to the restaurant opened, and Yuuko jumped up as a pair of customers entered. “I'd better--”
“It's okay,” he said. “Thank you for listening, Yuuko.” She smiled back at him, then rushed over to deal with the customers.
Hisao snapped closed his notebook and stood up to head back to the school, pulling out his phone as he went. Before he could have second thoughts, he began typing out a text message to Hanako.
* * *
Hanako typed away on the computer in the newspaper club's classroom, working late. She was editing a report about the track team while a few other lingering members of the club chatted away on the other side of the room. Nobody else on the club was as quick of a typist as she was, or as good with the editing software, and they'd quickly ceded control of the computer to her when they realized she had a knack for it. Hanako suspected Naomi'd had something to do with the lack of protests at that, but had never asked. She was just happy to be useful.
The click-clack of the keyboard keys were comforting, half-drowning out the chatter across the room and drawing her into a focused state as she looked over the report.
Emi Ibarazaka took first place in the 4x200m relay on Saturday...
Hanako quickly fixed the botched spelling of Emi's surname, smiling a little as she thought about the bubbly track star. She supposed she'd never be that good at anything or that driven, but it felt good to be doing something productive.
Her phone buzzed on the desk next to her, breaking her concentration. Who could be texting her? It probably wasn't Lilly, for obvious reasons, and she doubted Akira would be sending anything in the middle of a work day... so that left... She swallowed.
I need to talk to you, the message read. Can I come up to your room?
She froze, staring down at the phone in her hands. She wasn't ready to have this conversation, she couldn't do it, she, she... took a deep breath, remembering Lilly's words. Hisao has feelings too. She'd been avoiding thinking about him the last few days, ever since Lilly had made her confront the lack of clarity between them. Now Hisao was forcing her hand. If she didn't come talk to him, what would he think of her?
She put herself in his shoes. What must he already think? Her inaction regarding him the last couple weeks was almost as bad, wasn't it? She'd be confirming what he must already fear.
That was unacceptable, she realized with a start. She saved the report and stood up.
“Finished already?” Natsume asked as she stepped toward the classroom door.
“N-no. Not quite. I... have to meet a friend. It's important.”
Natsume looked curious, but always the soul of tact, merely raised an eyebrow in response.
“I'll have it done tonight, I p-promise,” Hanako said.
“Good enough for me. Go meet your friend,” Natsume grinned under her glasses. “See you later, Hanako.”
“S-see you.”
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending)
I've really been enjoying this story. Its a lot more complex a response than many of the Hanako bad-ending stories. I'm looking forward to the rest of the story.
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending)
Thanks!Mavensage wrote:I've really been enjoying this story. Its a lot more complex a response than many of the Hanako bad-ending stories. I'm looking forward to the rest of the story.
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending)
9 (pt. 2)
Hisao stared at Hanako's door, feeling miserable. He didn't want to do this, but it needed to be done. He raised his fist, then knocked gently.
A shuffling sound came from inside, and the door promptly opened. Hanako stood inside in her school uniform, staring back at him through the crack. After a moment, she opened it the rest of the way.
“C-come in,” she said, stepping back inside.
Stepping into her room brought back memories of the last time he'd been here. Hanako muttering to herself under her breath, then suddenly exploding into a storm of anger with him. Would this be as painful? He hoped not.
He closed the door behind him, then leaned against it. Hanako was standing in front of her bed, looking down at her hands, occasionally glancing up at him then back. Her room smelled faintly of hair product, and the only visible decorations were the two porcelain dolls on her shelf and a stuffed penguin on her bed.
“Lilly told me you're doing well in the newspaper club.” He inwardly cringed at his small-talk opening, but he didn't know where to start.
Hanako nodded. “Y-yes,” she said. “Everyone is—really nice.” She looked up at him expectantly, then away again.
“I came up here because, I have to tell you...” He swallowed, looking away from her so he didn't have to meet her eye. “I have to move on, from what I said before about my feelings for you. I have to focus on my future, and it's... too hard.” He was doing this badly. He knew he was, but he had to get it out.
“Oh,” Hanako said quietly. When he looked back at her, her shoulders were slumped, and she was staring at the floor.
He took a step forward, wishing he could put a comforting hand on her shoulder, then stopped himself.
“I don't know if we can still be friends, after this. I'd like that. I hope we can. I've missed y—“ he stopped himself, then started again. “--I've missed our chess games, and lunches.”
“I have too,” Hanako murmured, almost too quiet to make out. He couldn't see her face with her hair hanging down like that. She'd put her scarred right hand over it in a familiar gesture, and was shrunk down small. He hated seeing her like this. Hated that he was the one who had caused it. Again.
His memory flashed back to when she'd exploded before. He didn't think she was feeling that way this time, but it was hard to read anything from her with how closed-up she was acting. Well... he'd said what he'd come to say. Better not take any chances.
“I guess I should go,” he said.
Hanako didn't move, and he found himself fumbling behind him for the door handle. Just like before. It creaked open, and after one last look at her, he stepped back into the hall and let it swing closed in front of him with a familiar sense of finality. He stared at the wooden door for several long moments, then turned and trudged back down the hall toward the stairwell.
It was almost dinner time, and girls from other halls were bustling down the stairs with him and out into the lobby. He thought he caught sight of a familiar pink head in front of him, but if it was Misha, she disappeared around the corner too fast for him to be sure.
Outside, the sun was beginning to set and students milled all across the grounds, some heading to the cafeteria, others to town, and still others to the garden, presumably for picnics. Hisao ran his hands through his hair, wishing he hadn't done this in the middle of dinner rush. He didn't particularly want to be around anyone right now.
At least it was done. Either they'd go back to being friends, or... at least it would be over. He didn't feel half as free as he'd hoped. Just... hollow. Like the hole that had been carved out inside him with his heart attack had only gotten bigger since he'd arrived at Yamaku.
He was walking slowly back toward the boy's dormitory when he heard a patter of running steps behind him.
“Hisao!” Hanako's voice shouted from the direction of the girl's building. He'd only ever heard her shout one other time, but this sounded... different. He slowly turned around, noting other students doing the same as he did.
Hanako had stopped a little past the door, and was breathing hard, staring at him. Her hair was a mess from running, and her face was wet with tears. For once, she barely seemed conscious of the crowds of people around her, pushing past her or staring curiously at the scene. She slowly walked toward him, hesitated, then started again more firmly. Soon she stood in front of him, her eyes never leaving his.
“Are you...” he started to ask, but as he did, she leapt forward onto her toes, wrapped her hands around his neck, and planted her lips against his.
After a startled moment, he kissed her back, savoring the feel of her mouth against his, even as he noted how awkward they both were at this.
“You... jerk...” she breathed when they finally broke apart a little bit. “M-making me do this in front of... everyone...” She kept her arms around him and her face close to his, flushed with embarrassment. Her short, quick breaths warmed his face, smelling faintly of peppermint. He could dimly feel the stares of everyone around them, and heard a few murmurs and laughs, but space somehow seemed constricted to just their two faces amidst the crowd. He wondered if Hanako felt the same, and that was how she was able to handle this.
Hisao found himself smiling, staring into her eyes. She slowly pulled away, still blushing furiously, but grabbed his hands as she did.
“Do y-you still like me?” she asked, a hint of worry in her eyes.
“Well... that's why I came here tonight. I've hardly been able to think about anything else,” he said. “Watching you come out of your shell, on your own, without any help from anyone... I like you more than ever.” Now his face felt hot, and he could tell he was blushing too.
She nodded, the beginnings of a smile forming underneath her red cheeks.
“Then will you... will you b-be my boyfriend?”
He couldn't control it anymore, and grinned back at her. He savored the awkward sweetness of her question and her tentative smile. It was so... Hanako.
“Of course I will,” he said, then leaned down to kiss her again.
Hisao stared at Hanako's door, feeling miserable. He didn't want to do this, but it needed to be done. He raised his fist, then knocked gently.
A shuffling sound came from inside, and the door promptly opened. Hanako stood inside in her school uniform, staring back at him through the crack. After a moment, she opened it the rest of the way.
“C-come in,” she said, stepping back inside.
Stepping into her room brought back memories of the last time he'd been here. Hanako muttering to herself under her breath, then suddenly exploding into a storm of anger with him. Would this be as painful? He hoped not.
He closed the door behind him, then leaned against it. Hanako was standing in front of her bed, looking down at her hands, occasionally glancing up at him then back. Her room smelled faintly of hair product, and the only visible decorations were the two porcelain dolls on her shelf and a stuffed penguin on her bed.
“Lilly told me you're doing well in the newspaper club.” He inwardly cringed at his small-talk opening, but he didn't know where to start.
Hanako nodded. “Y-yes,” she said. “Everyone is—really nice.” She looked up at him expectantly, then away again.
“I came up here because, I have to tell you...” He swallowed, looking away from her so he didn't have to meet her eye. “I have to move on, from what I said before about my feelings for you. I have to focus on my future, and it's... too hard.” He was doing this badly. He knew he was, but he had to get it out.
“Oh,” Hanako said quietly. When he looked back at her, her shoulders were slumped, and she was staring at the floor.
He took a step forward, wishing he could put a comforting hand on her shoulder, then stopped himself.
“I don't know if we can still be friends, after this. I'd like that. I hope we can. I've missed y—“ he stopped himself, then started again. “--I've missed our chess games, and lunches.”
“I have too,” Hanako murmured, almost too quiet to make out. He couldn't see her face with her hair hanging down like that. She'd put her scarred right hand over it in a familiar gesture, and was shrunk down small. He hated seeing her like this. Hated that he was the one who had caused it. Again.
His memory flashed back to when she'd exploded before. He didn't think she was feeling that way this time, but it was hard to read anything from her with how closed-up she was acting. Well... he'd said what he'd come to say. Better not take any chances.
“I guess I should go,” he said.
Hanako didn't move, and he found himself fumbling behind him for the door handle. Just like before. It creaked open, and after one last look at her, he stepped back into the hall and let it swing closed in front of him with a familiar sense of finality. He stared at the wooden door for several long moments, then turned and trudged back down the hall toward the stairwell.
It was almost dinner time, and girls from other halls were bustling down the stairs with him and out into the lobby. He thought he caught sight of a familiar pink head in front of him, but if it was Misha, she disappeared around the corner too fast for him to be sure.
Outside, the sun was beginning to set and students milled all across the grounds, some heading to the cafeteria, others to town, and still others to the garden, presumably for picnics. Hisao ran his hands through his hair, wishing he hadn't done this in the middle of dinner rush. He didn't particularly want to be around anyone right now.
At least it was done. Either they'd go back to being friends, or... at least it would be over. He didn't feel half as free as he'd hoped. Just... hollow. Like the hole that had been carved out inside him with his heart attack had only gotten bigger since he'd arrived at Yamaku.
He was walking slowly back toward the boy's dormitory when he heard a patter of running steps behind him.
“Hisao!” Hanako's voice shouted from the direction of the girl's building. He'd only ever heard her shout one other time, but this sounded... different. He slowly turned around, noting other students doing the same as he did.
Hanako had stopped a little past the door, and was breathing hard, staring at him. Her hair was a mess from running, and her face was wet with tears. For once, she barely seemed conscious of the crowds of people around her, pushing past her or staring curiously at the scene. She slowly walked toward him, hesitated, then started again more firmly. Soon she stood in front of him, her eyes never leaving his.
“Are you...” he started to ask, but as he did, she leapt forward onto her toes, wrapped her hands around his neck, and planted her lips against his.
After a startled moment, he kissed her back, savoring the feel of her mouth against his, even as he noted how awkward they both were at this.
“You... jerk...” she breathed when they finally broke apart a little bit. “M-making me do this in front of... everyone...” She kept her arms around him and her face close to his, flushed with embarrassment. Her short, quick breaths warmed his face, smelling faintly of peppermint. He could dimly feel the stares of everyone around them, and heard a few murmurs and laughs, but space somehow seemed constricted to just their two faces amidst the crowd. He wondered if Hanako felt the same, and that was how she was able to handle this.
Hisao found himself smiling, staring into her eyes. She slowly pulled away, still blushing furiously, but grabbed his hands as she did.
“Do y-you still like me?” she asked, a hint of worry in her eyes.
“Well... that's why I came here tonight. I've hardly been able to think about anything else,” he said. “Watching you come out of your shell, on your own, without any help from anyone... I like you more than ever.” Now his face felt hot, and he could tell he was blushing too.
She nodded, the beginnings of a smile forming underneath her red cheeks.
“Then will you... will you b-be my boyfriend?”
He couldn't control it anymore, and grinned back at her. He savored the awkward sweetness of her question and her tentative smile. It was so... Hanako.
“Of course I will,” he said, then leaned down to kiss her again.
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending)
Epilogue
Hanako lay on Hisao's bed, flipping through photos on her phone while he snored beside her. It had been a month since she had asked him out. She still flushed when she thought about their public spectacle, embarrassed at all the attention she had generated. But she felt a fierce pride as well. How was it possible to feel embarrassed of something and proud of it at the same time?
They'd taken things slowly since then. Hisao had shown her the scar on his chest, and explained more about his time in the hospital, when all his friends had abandoned him. It had brought back painful memories of her own childhood, but she'd haltingly shared a few of them in return. It was only fair, right? She'd told him about her old school, and the way her previously close friends had turned into her bullies after she had been scarred. About her lonely time in the orphanage, where her only company most days was a book. And hardest of all, about her parents, and about the night of the accident that had transmuted her life.
He'd listened to all of it patiently, sharing his own, more mundane memories in return, though she could tell they were still difficult for him to talk about. That was fine; she felt just the same. And as they opened up to each other, she felt walls she had been putting up for more than ten years begin to crumble. Instead of feeling naked and exposed without her defenses, she felt stronger, warm and protected by the knowledge that she was sharing it with somebody who really understood, and rather than pitying her, related with her, because he'd had many of the same feelings.
When she'd finally summoned up the courage to show him all her scars, a week after they started dating, she'd still feared he would take one look at them and run away screaming. But he didn't. Instead, he'd been visibly aroused by the sight of her nearly-naked body. It was a strange feeling, that someone could see what she'd hidden in shame for long and feel desirous of her instead of disgusted. It was a feeling she thought she could get used to.
He'd taken a step toward her, and she'd thought he would pull her into a kiss Fear at where it might lead had warred with desire to find out. But then he'd pulled back, self-control reasserting itself on his face. She wondered if the old Hisao would have been as careful; he had changed too, and seemed more measured, more cautious now than when she'd first met him.
After taking a step back, he had told her she was beautiful with such sincerity that she didn't dare doubt his words.
She'd put her clothes back on, and they hadn't slept together that night, but they'd sat together alternating conversation with kisses right up until curfew.
A week later, after another session of heavy kisses, she'd decided she definitely was ready. Their first time was a little awkward, and hurt a little, but she'd liked how close it made her feel to him. They'd laughed about it and tried again early the next morning. Each time it got a little better, until she began to be the one to pull him into bed against his laughter and teasing exclamations of shock at how forward she was becoming.
They gradually began to make plans together. What school they would attend, secure in the unspoken knowledge that it would have to be the same one. What they would do after college. Hisao had begun to have impromptu discussions with Mutou after class, which he laughingly called Science Club, members: two, and she'd grown more confident in her role with the newspaper club, taking on more and more editorial duties until soon every story hit her desk before going into the paper.
She still wasn't sure what she wanted to do after college, but that was okay. She'd figure something out. Hisao wasn't much more specific, but it seemed clear now he'd study something related to his gift for science.
For now, they had each other, and that was enough.
Hanako pressed the end button on her phone, smiling again at her new background. The two of them, smiling, sitting in the park together in town, her hair pulled back in a tail and no hat on her head. Hisao said he liked it that way.
It made her look beautiful.
* * *
A few months later, Hanako and Hisao said their tearful goodbyes to Lilly. The sun shimmered red over the trees, and the waiting cab pumped hot exhaust toward them down the curb. Hanako finally pulled back a little from Lilly's embrace, wiping tears from her face.
“You have to get better with computers,” she told her friend. “So we can stay in touch easier. International calls are... too expensive. You have to e-mail me every day!”
“I promise,” Lilly said. “Take care of Hisao. Make sure he keeps up the afternoon walks.”
“I will,” Hanako agreed, relishing the reversal from their early relationship.
Minutes later, Lilly was gone, and it was just the two of them staring after her cab as it pulled away from the school gate.
“H-Hisao?” she asked, feeling nervous around him for the first time in months. But she had to know the answer to her question. Somehow, it had never come up.
“Do you love me?”
“I do,” he said. “More than anyone.” The soft beams of sunset playing across his face through the branches of the trees.
“Then... I love you, too,” she replied, falling easily into the crook of his arm.
As they walked back through Yamaku's gate, she marveled at the way all wounds turned to scars, and all scars faded, leaving soft reminders of a painful past leading to the healing of a hopeful future.
Hanako lay on Hisao's bed, flipping through photos on her phone while he snored beside her. It had been a month since she had asked him out. She still flushed when she thought about their public spectacle, embarrassed at all the attention she had generated. But she felt a fierce pride as well. How was it possible to feel embarrassed of something and proud of it at the same time?
They'd taken things slowly since then. Hisao had shown her the scar on his chest, and explained more about his time in the hospital, when all his friends had abandoned him. It had brought back painful memories of her own childhood, but she'd haltingly shared a few of them in return. It was only fair, right? She'd told him about her old school, and the way her previously close friends had turned into her bullies after she had been scarred. About her lonely time in the orphanage, where her only company most days was a book. And hardest of all, about her parents, and about the night of the accident that had transmuted her life.
He'd listened to all of it patiently, sharing his own, more mundane memories in return, though she could tell they were still difficult for him to talk about. That was fine; she felt just the same. And as they opened up to each other, she felt walls she had been putting up for more than ten years begin to crumble. Instead of feeling naked and exposed without her defenses, she felt stronger, warm and protected by the knowledge that she was sharing it with somebody who really understood, and rather than pitying her, related with her, because he'd had many of the same feelings.
When she'd finally summoned up the courage to show him all her scars, a week after they started dating, she'd still feared he would take one look at them and run away screaming. But he didn't. Instead, he'd been visibly aroused by the sight of her nearly-naked body. It was a strange feeling, that someone could see what she'd hidden in shame for long and feel desirous of her instead of disgusted. It was a feeling she thought she could get used to.
He'd taken a step toward her, and she'd thought he would pull her into a kiss Fear at where it might lead had warred with desire to find out. But then he'd pulled back, self-control reasserting itself on his face. She wondered if the old Hisao would have been as careful; he had changed too, and seemed more measured, more cautious now than when she'd first met him.
After taking a step back, he had told her she was beautiful with such sincerity that she didn't dare doubt his words.
She'd put her clothes back on, and they hadn't slept together that night, but they'd sat together alternating conversation with kisses right up until curfew.
A week later, after another session of heavy kisses, she'd decided she definitely was ready. Their first time was a little awkward, and hurt a little, but she'd liked how close it made her feel to him. They'd laughed about it and tried again early the next morning. Each time it got a little better, until she began to be the one to pull him into bed against his laughter and teasing exclamations of shock at how forward she was becoming.
They gradually began to make plans together. What school they would attend, secure in the unspoken knowledge that it would have to be the same one. What they would do after college. Hisao had begun to have impromptu discussions with Mutou after class, which he laughingly called Science Club, members: two, and she'd grown more confident in her role with the newspaper club, taking on more and more editorial duties until soon every story hit her desk before going into the paper.
She still wasn't sure what she wanted to do after college, but that was okay. She'd figure something out. Hisao wasn't much more specific, but it seemed clear now he'd study something related to his gift for science.
For now, they had each other, and that was enough.
Hanako pressed the end button on her phone, smiling again at her new background. The two of them, smiling, sitting in the park together in town, her hair pulled back in a tail and no hat on her head. Hisao said he liked it that way.
It made her look beautiful.
* * *
A few months later, Hanako and Hisao said their tearful goodbyes to Lilly. The sun shimmered red over the trees, and the waiting cab pumped hot exhaust toward them down the curb. Hanako finally pulled back a little from Lilly's embrace, wiping tears from her face.
“You have to get better with computers,” she told her friend. “So we can stay in touch easier. International calls are... too expensive. You have to e-mail me every day!”
“I promise,” Lilly said. “Take care of Hisao. Make sure he keeps up the afternoon walks.”
“I will,” Hanako agreed, relishing the reversal from their early relationship.
Minutes later, Lilly was gone, and it was just the two of them staring after her cab as it pulled away from the school gate.
“H-Hisao?” she asked, feeling nervous around him for the first time in months. But she had to know the answer to her question. Somehow, it had never come up.
“Do you love me?”
“I do,” he said. “More than anyone.” The soft beams of sunset playing across his face through the branches of the trees.
“Then... I love you, too,” she replied, falling easily into the crook of his arm.
As they walked back through Yamaku's gate, she marveled at the way all wounds turned to scars, and all scars faded, leaving soft reminders of a painful past leading to the healing of a hopeful future.
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending) (complete)
I'm glad this is finally up in its entirety. I'm not sure if people around here are too jaded to respond to a nice non-twisted Hanako recovery epilogue, but this is a piece of work that's pleasant and leaves a warm afterglow. Thanks for doing this. It fills part of a somewhat under-appreciated niche.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending) (complete)
I'll be doing that big revision soon based on everybody's comments plus a few things I noticed myself. Thanks for all the support and kind words, brythain! I'll check out some of your fanfic soon as well, been meaning to for awhile, just been a busy holiday season 
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Craftyatom
- Posts: 374
- Joined: Sun Apr 14, 2013 11:38 pm
- Location: Washington, USA
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending) (complete)
Ah, you've managed to transfer it all to forum format; now I can finally post here without feeling bad!
Anyways, I read the whole story on GDrive and absolutely loved it. Your plot was well-thought out, and your writing seemed quite immersive. I don't remember seeing any errors, although that was a month ago, so maybe I'm just forgetting them.
Anyways, thanks for the wonderful read!
Anyways, I read the whole story on GDrive and absolutely loved it. Your plot was well-thought out, and your writing seemed quite immersive. I don't remember seeing any errors, although that was a month ago, so maybe I'm just forgetting them.
Anyways, thanks for the wonderful read!
Main route: COM(promise)
One-shots: Crafty's One-Shots (Dark Winter Sky, Dreamy, Path of Least Resistance, Project Blue Curtain, and more!)
Old poetry: Google Drive Collection
One-shots: Crafty's One-Shots (Dark Winter Sky, Dreamy, Path of Least Resistance, Project Blue Curtain, and more!)
Old poetry: Google Drive Collection
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Serbian Gamer
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2014 10:57 pm
- Location: Somewhere in Australia
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending) (complete)
All that I would like to say is for you to keep up the great job and keep doing what you're doing, you seem very passionate about this and it really is a work of art.
Untill next time ='D
Untill next time ='D
"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things. But vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant."
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Oscar Wildecat
- Posts: 479
- Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 7:28 pm
- Location: A short drive west of Kingdom Come.
Re: Healing (Hanako, post-bad ending) (complete)
This is one of the better post-bad ending fics I've read in a while. I particularly like the panicked kiss scene at the end. If the original bad ending screamed "GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!", this screamed "DON'T GO! DON'T GO! DON'T GO!" -- a fitting inversion of desperation.
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." - Mark Twain
“Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.” - Winston Churchill
Checkout SordidEuphemism's Logo Thread.
"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." - Mark Twain
“Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.” - Winston Churchill
Checkout SordidEuphemism's Logo Thread.