brythain wrote:Numb wrote:That ending was like something out of a cheesy sitcom. I love it.
One small criticism though, when Saki is worried about Rika's heart, she calls her Rika-chan. Personally, I don't think honorifics work in English prose, with exceptions such as Misha's nickname quirk. The hikikomori thing too, it just seems a little bit out of place, and looks like it's just a sudden reminder that "Hey, this is in Japan", being italicized doesn't help it. The easiest alternative I can think of right now (It's 2AM right now) is hermit.
I think honorifics can work in English prose, where they serve as relationship markers that aren't normally used in English. After all, the majority of the English language consists of imports to a basic Frisian-German-whatever matrix.
I agree. 'Rika-chan', in this usage, is basically a shorthand as to how Saki is feeling about Rika in that particular moment. I suppose the closest English equivalent would be something like, 'Rika, sweetheart,' but that doesn't convey the near-maternal subtext behind Saki's worry quite as well. I do agree that when honorifics are overused it makes for cumbersome reading, however, I don't think the inclusion of one (especially since it's just one, so it serves as a more visible contextual flag) is
so bad. To each his/her own, I suppose.
Silentcook wrote:While I concur that care should be taken when using different languages in a piece of writing, I thoroughly disagree about not highlighting foreign words when inserting them.
The context of the speaker or the setting is not significant, only the main language of the writing matters. Foreign words should be italicized when used. Exceptions can be made once the word has become embedded in common use; for example, I wouldn't italicize "weekend" in an Italian piece any more than I would italicize "pizza" in an English one.
I do realize that what constitutes "common use" is often hotly debated by language experts and dictionary printers, though...
I'm with Silentcook on this one. I think the usage of the word '
hikikomori' in English prose as if it were just another part of the language would be
more jarring to a reader than if it were italicized. As to the usage itself, well, I'm 50/50 on this specific case. On one hand, it is a foreign word, so for those who can't be arsed to look it up, context is everything - in which case, you'd only be able to divine, at most, 'hermit' or 'shut-in' from the specific case. On the other,
hikikomori carries with it a fair bit of subtext that either 'hermit' or 'shut-in' don't; i.e. academic troubles, not being able to cope with societal and familial pressures, etc. Saki is making subtle jabs at Rika's schoolwork as well as her relationships with her professors, classmates, and family. This, along with the 'hermit' connotation, seems even more ludicrous to Rika than just being called a hermit by itself, which is why she hits Saki before starting to laugh. I suppose this can either enhance the joke or ruin it. Like I said, I'm 50/50 on it. For now, it stays in.
Anyhow, I sincerely thank all of your for reading and your comments! Glad you enjoyed the story!
. Also, as you can see, I tend to use italics for emphasis, so for me to use it for something else as well might get confusing.
