A Natsume route--by Nubbles20 [12.29.13]

[bhtooefr]

Continuing the 3-3 girls orientation discussion here so as to not derail Nubbles20's thread: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=9239

[XIIHangman]

Ok,looking through the comments here I'd like to thank you all for the support, and criticism. But after reading it all and taking it into consideration, I'm faced with a few tough choices.
The first would to be to "scrap" this, and rewrite it with Hisao rather than my OC, fix some of the grammar errors, rework the pacing a bit, then reimplement this story-line a few chapters in.
The second would still require a lot of re-working, but I would keep the OC, implement some friends, maybe write a few chapters before all this comes in, and fix the problematic pacing.
The third would be to leave the story, slow the pace a bit, make a few friends, and try I make it better from there.

I'm asking for outside opinions because I'm almost torn between the choices, although I personally think that adapting it to Hisao seems to be one of the better options. But a small question about writing as Hisao, should it be frowned upon to make his first days from scratch, or should I try and follow it as the VN shows it?

If you feel it would be easier to switch gears to aiming this more at Hisao, then by all means do so. You have more than enough material to work with in terms of how he should be written, just take some notes while looking at his dialogue in KS. Look at other pseudo-routes for how they've worked the Master of Romance into their stories, how his actions that end up straying from the beaten path effect the characters around him. This will make it easier for new readers to hop in to the story, they already know( or should know in any case) Hisao and how he should act, from there it's open season and creative liberties.

If you want to write the story from the prospective of an OC i'd highly recommend taking a look at Breaking the Sound Barrier and how Dr.Worm has managed to make use of an OC. It's good to establish a bit of the character before thrusting the reader into a pre-established environment with character we know how should work. No matter the case, don't stop writing. Just reevaluate what you want to write and go with it. Clearly you've got some semblance of an audience, you just need to tell yourself what you're showing them.

[Oscar Wildecat]

I wanted to comment that I had liked what you've written so far; although, the way it's written, I wondered if you meant to start it during the earlier Yamaku Festival instead of the later Tanabata. Then again, I may be so used to these things starting around the Yamaku Festival, my brain is skipping gears.

As far as using a OC: I see one advantage in either using a OC or a "secondary male" in a "secondary female" route. By using a OC, one can set the route concurrent to the events of an appropriate cannon route. This gives the route author additional tools in their toolbox to keep the reader immersed in the work.

[Mirage_GSM]

Ok,looking through the comments here I'd like to thank you all for the support, and criticism. But after reading it all and taking it into consideration, I'm faced with a few tough choices.
The first would to be to "scrap" this, and rewrite it with Hisao rather than my OC, fix some of the grammar errors, rework the pacing a bit, then reimplement this story-line a few chapters in.
The second would still require a lot of re-working, but I would keep the OC, implement some friends, maybe write a few chapters before all this comes in, and fix the problematic pacing.
The third would be to leave the story, slow the pace a bit, make a few friends, and try I make it better from there.

First of all there is no reason to use Hisao if you wanted to use an OC. Sure, at the moment he is a bit similar to him. That is easily fixed: Just give him a hobby - just make sure he's not some kind of genius at it (Mary Sue trap)
Also: what you have so far is fine. No need to scrap it. So you start in medias res - there's nothing wrong with that. If you think it would be boring to write about your OC watching Natsume for weeks and slowly falling in love, chances are you'd be hard pressed to write an interesting story about it. So you can just continue from what you have here.

As far as using a OC: I see one advantage in either using a OC or a "secondary male" in a "secondary female" route. By using a OC, one can set the route concurrent to the events of an appropriate cannon route.

I agree: By the time of Tanabata, Hisao should be in a relationship with one of the five canon girls (if he hit a good end that is).. Except for Rin, where the route goes into the holidays.
Oh yes, the holidays should start soon after Tanabata. Be sure to keep that in mind.
Finally, a word about (not of) advice:
There are two kinds of advice - the more or less objective advice (like "you should avoid grammar mistakes", "this character is OOC", "keep your tenses straight" etc.) and the advice that is more like a personal preference ("I'd like this story better if you did it that way").
A lot of the advice in this thread falls into the latter category. Of course that kind of advice can also be useful, but keep in mind that you'll never be able to please everyone.
In the end it is your story, and we don't know what you have planned for it, so the final decision of what to do is always up to you.