Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[hitman555z]

My father was actually bipolar and possibly schizophrenic, and my mother has a pretty bad problem with anxiety (A few years ago it was to the extent where she couldn't even leave the house), and I know that one of my uncles on my mother's side also has schizophrenia, so I kind of developed this fear of being mentally ill because I know that it's extremely likely to happen to me.

in terms of genetics, it is likely it will develop soon.

but it also depends on how you treat your body and your brain. someone with a family line of poor health can have a great and healthy life if they take control of their habits and such.

[Auratus]

I once heard about Hindu man who raise his arm for Shiva for 38 years, So I search for anything and found... people who simply determined enough to type a comment to mock his purpose, his belief, his craziness, his intelligence and his personality (which never being stated).

To me, He is another human who show that human can have never-ending motivation to do something. Which can be harness to create what other's thought to be impossible. A good amount of man and woman created marvelous thing by their determination, while many other human can merely mocks their effort.

So I have a question, If you can have enough determination to raise your hand for 38 years or build a 16-story castle by yourself. What do you want to do?

P.S. It might help reading this if you have anything you can't do.

[Comrade]

I once heard about Hindu man who raise his arm for Shiva for 38 years, So I search for anything and found... people who simply determined enough to type a comment to mock his purpose, his belief, his craziness, his intelligence and his personality (which never being stated).

To me, He is another human who show that human can have never-ending motivation to do something. Which can be harness to create what other's thought to be impossible. A good amount of man and woman created marvelous thing by their determination, while many other human can merely mocks their effort.

So I have a question, If you can have enough determination to raise your hand for 38 years or build a 16-story castle by yourself. What do you want to do?

P.S. It might help reading this if you have anything you can't do.

The castle. Holding your hand up won't do anyone any good.

[Imossel]

(tl;dr, I'm here because i have stretch scars that make me totally phobic about being naked, and hanako felt like a perfect girl for me because of her scars)

Yesterday, doing a bit of a "party" with "my" friends. Two girls that are friends together just said :
"Oh and you should look at ??? (don't remember her name) She has stretch scars all over her body Wahahahaha!!! No but, seriously, she even got them on her foot Wahahahahaha (we were all a bit... Out of our normal state)"

Big, big, big black out. I was just sitting, eyes staring at the ground in front of me with painful history playing in my head. My friends were like "Are you ok?" hopefully, I was conscious enough to say something like "I've gotta masturbate to her" (Well, you know, you've got to say something, even if it's really stupid).

Now I'm even more phobic about it... :/ I mean what was the probability of these girls trash talking a girl about her stretch scars in front of me! I almost broke my confident funny "cover" of this "fat" guy that is always happy, always friendly. I almost lost control of my mind. At this point I just wanted to walk alone in the rain while playing painful history...

[Lianam]

(tl;dr, I'm here because i have stretch scars that make me totally phobic about being naked, and hanako felt like a perfect girl for me because of her scars)

Yesterday, doing a bit of a "party" with "my" friends. Two girls that are friends together just said :
"Oh and you should look at ??? (don't remember her name) She has stretch scars all over her body Wahahahaha!!! No but, seriously, she even got them on her foot Wahahahahaha (we were all a bit... Out of our normal state)"

Big, big, big black out. I was just sitting, eyes staring at the ground in front of me with painful history playing in my head. My friends were like "Are you ok?" hopefully, I was conscious enough to say something like "I've gotta masturbate to her" (Well, you know, you've got to say something, even if it's really stupid).

Now I'm even more phobic about it... :/ I mean what was the probability of these girls trash talking a girl about her stretch scars in front of me! I almost broke my confident funny "cover" of this "fat" guy that is always happy, always friendly. I almost lost control of my mind. At this point I just wanted to walk alone in the rain while playing painful history...

Hey, for what it's worth, we're here for you if you need us.

[hitman555z]

imossel, you can talk to us.

also, you shouldve known who these people are before you want to a party. i was actually supposed to go to a party that a guy in my college was going to. he said it was going to be all techno and house and such. ive been to a DnB and a rave once. as fun as it is, i was that one guy who stands at the back and just watches people while getting my drink on. you cant beat long island and guinness

anywho, whenever you want to share stuff, feel free to speak your heart out. talking to someone does help. i talked to my cousin before about some stuff on my mind and even as useless as he was, just speaking my mind made me feel better. he may have about 10 years of life over me, but he was still useless.

[Auratus]

immosel - Human was and could done great thing. It is regrettable that some make fun of other people by such mundane thing. I wish I could make an organization which promote those who are made fun of, make them realize their potential and raise far higher than those who bully them,. Preferably being their boss or one who are so influential to humanity.

"The best revenge is massive success." - Frank Sinatra
(I just got out from Facebook's comment that discuss about Thailand kind-of racism.)

[Imossel]

Thanks to all of you =)

The thing is, I don't think that they were doing such a bad thing, after all, this girl will never know what they were saying, I don't even think they're seeing each other anymore... But yeah, nobody knows that my body is... Like hers, kind of, so in fact I don't think that it's a lame thing. (plus they were high, maybe that has to deal with)

also, you shouldve known who these people are before you want to a party

Well, the thing is that I "knew" them. Like, I've met them once, but these girls are like friend's friend. And I'm not against them (even though I'm kind of a Kenji in a sense that I easily hate a woman. I don't think I'm sexist, but yeah, I hate that girls claim sex egality and a whole "stop trying to make us feel like whores" thing when they wear short shorts when it's 15°C outside or just tease guys for the fun... And for those of you that will say "It's normal, I hate those girls too", I tend to feel like 80% of girls are like that)


So yes, once again, thanks to all of you. Everybody think that I'm a joyfull guy when I'm not. It has almost been a reflex for me to avoid saying "I feel bad" and just switching subject when somebody suspects that I'm sad. So being with you and just talk about everything is really helpful. It helps me a lot.

[hitman555z]

most girls in the US are like that though. sex sells. its how the US pretty much is. we as a society have become so used to seeing skin, that people in the middle east probably think we are sex deviants. most rape and women abuse though, is in the middle east, from what i heard. i could be wrong about that.

anywho, most people have become very desensitized to it. i have seen women where less and less clothing each year. and for what its worth, most girls who wear short shorts and advertise their ass, are very promiscuous.

[Xanatos]

The thing is, I don't think that they were doing such a bad thing, after all, this girl will never know what they were saying

Oh, well, that totally makes being bitches okay.

Also, saying something really stupid is worse than saying nothing at all. Because it's really stupid, and people remember that.

[Imossel]

Also, saying something really stupid is worse than saying nothing at all. Because it's really stupid, and people remember that.

Don't worry about that, my friend are used to my way of saying stupid things, and they can't think that I'm stupid, cause they know that I'm doing better than them in school... They're in specialised sections. Well, don't know if it's anywhere the same thing, but it requires less intelligence, you learn less things to be a plumber in exemple.. While I'm personnally in college, in a science section etc... So they definitely know that I'm not stupid. (I'm not saying that you're obviously intelligent cause you're doing better than another in school, but I have my reasons to say that they know I'm not stupid)

Oh, well, that totally makes being bitches okay.

I tend to feel like 80% of girls are like that

I'm getting used to.

[AkioVuadan]

When I was in the sixth grade, I suffered from depression and cutting. I even attempted suicide at one point, but I instead had a breakdown. I also had a delusional belief that I was possessed by a demon. This went on until the late seventh grade. I still have the scars from the cutting.

Everything was fine up until the middle of ninth grade, when I had a manic episode where I believed I was an ancient Egyptian god. One time, I had an impulse to take four energy pills when the maximum was one pill a day. I became very ill afterwards. The manic episode went on for a good month or so. Then, I had several panic attacks where I would believe that people could hear my thoughts and everybody and everything was out to get me.

A little while afterwards, during the beginning of tenth grade, I became very depressed and began to hear voices. Two male voices told me to hurt myself and they insulted me. One female voice told me that I should hurt others before they hurt me. I also began to cut again. This time, it was way deeper and way worse. Three months into it, I decided I needed to tell somebody. In school, I was pretty isolated and I didn't have any friends. I decided I would tell my mom since I knew she cared about me and would listen.

A little while after that, I was hospitalized and I was put on the correct medications. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder with psychotic depression and panic disorder. While in the hospital, I felt more accepted than anywhere I have ever been. I had a terrible panic attack in the hospital, though. I felt terrible while we were at the gym listening to a girl play her guitar and I asked if I could use the bathroom back at the unit. Mid-way, I burst into tears and asked if I could stay in the unit. I cried for around ten minutes. When it was over, everybody walked up to me and gave me a hug. That was a great feeling. Later that day, though, I slipped a fork into my pocket at lunch. My room mate walked in on me attempting to jab myself in the neck with the fork. He got the nurse and she talked to me for a little bit. They put me in the seclusion room for my own safety. I had the closest I've had to a friend when in the hospital. Her name was Shelby. She was the girl playing the guitar. Her music was so beautiful. Since the hospital didn't allow it, we never exchanged numbers. We never got into contact since then.

When I got out of the hospital, I felt great. I had stopped cutting, but I still had pretty terrible scars on both my right and left arm. I also began to see a therapist and I always had to where long-sleeved shirts because I knew if anybody saw my scars, they'd bully me. A week out of the hospital, I had a terrible day and overdosed on my antidepressant and antipsychotic and was rushed to the emergency room. My parents had to hide all of the medicine from me after that incident. Afterwards, I felt that my depression was out of the suicidal zone. I still felt depressed because I felt that I was alone and nobody really cared for me. Over time, I began to get better and learned to cope with things more effectively. I'm still being treated for it.

[Imossel]

Well, welcome... Where should I begin though...

A little while after that, I was hospitalized and I was put on the correct medications. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder with psychotic depression and panic disorder. While in the hospital, I felt more accepted than anywhere I have ever been. I had a terrible panic attack in the hospital, though. I felt terrible while we were at the gym listening to a girl play her guitar and I asked if I could use the bathroom back at the unit. Mid-way, I burst into tears and asked if I could stay in the unit. I cried for around ten minutes. When it was over, everybody walked up to me and gave me a hug. That was a great feeling. Later that day, though, I slipped a fork into my pocket at lunch. My room mate walked in on me attempting to jab myself in the neck with the fork. He got the nurse and she talked to me for a little bit. They put me in the seclusion room for my own safety. I had the closest I've had to a friend when in the hospital. Her name was Shelby. She was the girl playing the guitar. Her music was so beautiful. Since the hospital didn't allow it, we never exchanged numbers. We never got into contact since then.

When I got out of the hospital, I felt great.

I think this part is the most meaningfull. First : I'm curious to know how long did your hospitalisation last.

And why did you felt like jabbing yourself in the neck this day? I think if you mentionned that episode where you cried for ten minutes, it's because it happened only once (or at least, it wasn't frequently). I don't even know if you know why you did that, maybe searching into this will help you, like "why do I feel like suiciding?" or "why do I feel like not living what I'm living anymore" (I guess the second one is easier to work on). Or "Why do I need to follow what those voices are saying?" They're just here to harm you, you don't need them in your life, they're not beneficial to you. I know it's hard to ignore them (I've got a friend that suffers from schizophrenia) but those... Aren't helping you at all, you're not keeping friends that push you down, so why would you keep those voices?

But it seems like those problems are more or less out, so it's a great thing for you, and I'm glad you found us (I'm not that old to the forum, but eh, I'm feeling like home here).

And about those scars, I know that feeling... When it's really hot outside and everybody's telling you why the fuck are you putting long sleeves and you've gotta imagine something, everyday, everytime the same questions.

[hitman555z]

Since the hospital didn't allow it, we never exchanged numbers. We never got into contact since then.

i honestly think this is the hardest part about being a nurse. you make some connections with people, and then they leave you once people get better. some nurses are very cold because it helps them terminate any connection they develop with people.

that actually reminded me of the devil social link in persona 4. that nurse was close to so many people and once people get better, they leave the hospital and carry on with their life. the nurse cant move on like they do.

[Lianam]

Welcome to the forums Akio.

Since the hospital didn't allow it, we never exchanged numbers. We never got into contact since then.

i honestly think this is the hardest part about being a nurse. you make some connections with people, and then they leave you once people get better. some nurses are very cold because it helps them terminate any connection they develop with people.

that actually reminded me of the devil social link in persona 4. that nurse was close to so many people and once people get better, they leave the hospital and carry on with their life. the nurse cant move on like they do.

I never thought of it that way...
(note to self: play the persona games...)

(I'm not that old to the forum, but eh, I'm feeling like home here).

A know that feeling. These forums are very welcoming.