Kenji just seemed too different from what he was in the VN and Suzu's route, suddenly his anti-femenist crusade is conveniently over, and he's siding with Suzu over Hisao, who, iirc, is one of the few if any people he trusts. I can see Kenji acting various ways towards Hisao hitting Suzu, such as him respecting Hisao for "fighting the feminists head on" or disagreeing with him for hitting poor little Suzu, but outright blacklisting him and taking his girlfriend in away from Hisao just doesn't seem right. I suppose with more setup you could work Kenjis character to fit this scenerio, but that wasn't done.bhtooefr wrote:Out of curiosity, how do you think I got Kenji wrong in 6? Hisao being OOC I can completely understand, though (and, unfortunately, it means I failed to do this right).
Keep in mind that there's two time skips in there, and I wanted to try to develop Kenji's character. Chapter 6 part 1 is a few months after chapter 5, and chapter 6 part 2 is 10 years after Yamaku (so about 7ish years after part 1?)
Also, it's my opinion that a "good ending" for Hisao and Suzu as a couple post-Yamaku is unlikely (not impossible, though, but I don't want to write the good conflict resolution). A neutral ending would be possible, I think, but given that I wanted to write everything around him being violent to her, a bad ending was really the only plausible way to do this (and that's why I didn't like chapter 5 being the ending, and changed it). I also didn't want to end on a character death, because I wanted to develop Suzu, and give her a good ending, by herself.
At this point, I think I'm going to let the plot stand, and merely fix more basic errors, such as spelling/grammar errors and continuity errors. (Re: those errors, specific examples would be helpful.)
I do agree that chapter 5's ending was rather... weak? Not sure what the word for it is in English, but it was too much of a cliche and, well, expected ending that didn't really fit. It would have been far more "Canon" as to Hisao's behavior, however it just didn't feel right. 6 Simply feels like a different author wrote it altogether.
Note: (Your writing itself is really good, you could easily write your own fanfic and it would be great - but continuing from someone elses work is difficult)
Edit: Also, while I believe that Hisao does NOT deserve a happy ending after what he did to Suzu, having her kill him off seemed extremely unlikely and she handled it far too well, she goes from having nightmares about him dying to accidentally killing him herself, and all things considered, handles it a little too well. I would think she'd be traumatized, instead she's able to tell Miki/Kenji what happened while watching his body get taken away on a stretcher, sure she cried, but that still seems unlikely for Suzu.
. But how and why did he become an alcoholic? Hisao doesn't strike me as the type to start drinking heavily without some kind of major malfunction happening first.
