Like Fire and Powder: A Suzu epilogue (Complete)

[bhtooefr]

Chapter 5

Last night's sleep was not restful at all. My mind was racing with thoughts about what happened the night before.

I've never seen Hisao like how he was two nights ago. He's always been patient and understanding with me, but something changed.

Hisao was definitely very drunk, but it was still a shock for him to hit me.

But, at the same time, even though he was clearly not thinking straight... he had a point. It isn't like me to give up like I've been doing. I need to be stronger. I understand why he's so frustrated with me.

I shouldn't dwell on this too much, though. I need to get ready to go to the hospital to see him. I'm not sure what I'll say to him, or how I feel about this, but I'm sure I'll come up with something.

-----

Miki's driving gets us to the hospital in record time. I'm kinda dreading this, though, I wish she hadn't driven so quickly.

Miki looks over, and rests her stump on my shoulder. "Are you OK?"

I take a deep breath, and reply, "yeah. As OK as I'm gonna be."

We get out of her car, and walk into the hospital. Miki decides to take the lead.

Miki walks up to the counter. "Hi, we're here to visit a patient. Nakai Hisao."

"N... Nakai. Right. Room 213. Follow me, please."

We're led to Hisao's room, and I take a seat in the corner furthest from Hisao. My thoughts are conflicted regarding him. I still love him, but I'm not sure if I trust him any more.

Miki takes a seat right next to his bed. He sits up and looks around the room.

"Miki? Suzu? What happened?"

He doesn't remember. Then again, he may well have been drunk enough to forget, at least temporarily.

A flash of anger appears on Miki's face, but she suppresses it.

"You and Suzu had a... disagreement. You were drunk."

Hisao looks at me, and his eyes land on my bruise. I see realization flash in his eyes, and suddenly the beeping from the heart monitor increases. Hisao goes pale, and looks away from me.

An uncomfortable silence descends upon the room. We sit there for several minutes, avoiding looking at each other.

Hisao breaks the silence. "I'm sorry."

I reply, shakily, "I'm sorry, too." Miki gives me the most incredulous look I've ever seen, but I continue. "I was wrong to give up. I... didn't realize you were that frustrated with me."

Miki interjects. "That doesn't excuse him treating you like that, though."

"Miki... please... stay out of this right now. This is my and Hisao's issue, not yours."

Before Miki can reply, Hisao speaks up. "She's right, though. What I did to you is unforgivable. I was frustrated with you, but that doesn't justify what I did."

We sit in silence for many minutes, thinking about what has been said. Miki gets up, and excuses herself to go to the restroom. I decide to take the seat next to Hisao.

"Listen... I know I probably shouldn't, but... I still love you, Hisao."

"Suzu, I love you too."

A minute passes, us looking at each other, not sure what to say from there.

"I didn't tell you about my nightmare the other night... and I know I've been pushing you away. I was... afraid. Maybe I was right, after what happened two nights ago, but... I need to talk to you about it."

"What happened?"

"I relived Seiji's death again, but then... he disappeared, and you appeared, dead, in his place. It was like I failed you the way I failed Seiji. So I felt that I had to push you away, I couldn't rely on you, because you couldn't rely on me."

"Suzu..."

"Then, the whole world vanished, and reappeared. I was on Yamaku's roof. You and Seiji were calling for me to jump."

"Did you?"

"I... I did. That's when I woke up."

I reach over and grab Hisao's hand. I now know what I want to say.

"Hisao... I'm going to work towards my future, and make it my own. Thank you for not letting me give up." I take a deep breath, and continue. "I forgive you for what you did, as long as you promise to never do that again. I still want you to be part of my life."

Tears are streaming down Hisao's face. "Of course. Thank you for giving us a second chance. I don't deserve it, but thank you."

We hug tightly, and cry on each other, but these are tears of happiness, a welcome change from the past couple days.

I'm not sure what the future will bring for us, and we may end up going different directions, but what am I gonna do? Sit around and do nothing? Screw that.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[bhtooefr]

Alright, time for some author's notes, given what I'm doing here, I feel I need to explain some stuff, even though Chapter 6 (when released) will do a far better job of it than I can here.

Your fears were correct. Suzu went back to Hisao after that. I think that's completely in-character for her to forgive someone at least once, even for something rather heinous, especially if it's someone she deeply loves. I mean, she forgave Kenji (who she barely knew) for kidnapping her. In fact, I think it'd be OOC for her to NOT forgive Hisao.

However, I wasn't completely comfortable with that being the ending, and your comments about it made me decide to do something different. I decided to use the chapters I had written as-is, and add another chapter. (Chapter 5 got a last editing pass, then I removed "THE END" from the end.) I considered going back and editing everything to make Hisao a hard-core alcoholic that was worsening, and have Suzu make him promise to get help, but I couldn't come up with good enough justifications for him to fall into that trap at this point in his life. I'll talk about the various other ideas I had after chapter 6 goes up.

And, my personal opinion (which may or may not be reflected in the story) is that Miki's right; if Hisao were to die now, he wouldn't feel anything near the pain he deserves to feel. (And I'm not even a Suzu fan per se (I'm a Hanako fan (doubt I'll post any Hanako fic, though; to get into the right mental state to pull off a good Hanako risks me having suicidal ideations. Besides, there's a glut of Hanako fic), with Emi in second place). I just liked Scissorlips's story, and the abuse scene in chapter 3 popped into my head, along with Suzu's lack of motivation, so I felt like writing a story around it, getting Hisao to the place where he'd do that, and getting Suzu through the aftermath, while developing Kenji's character for the hell of it because I thought it'd be an interesting idea. Yes, that's a run-on sentence. I don't care.)

Chapter 6 may take a while to come out, as I haven't written it yet. It will be the true end, damnit. (Never again am I posting how many chapters I predict a story is, until the final chapter is actually POSTED.) Not entirely sure of some implementation details (which are major), although a core plot point of the chapter is one that I think you're going to like. I will say that it'll be an epilogue to the epilogue, and it won't be Suzu's POV.

Actually, I just thought of a title that would be absolutely perfect for chapter 6 (even though I haven't titled any other chapters). To use it locks me into some plot points that I think you'll really like. I ain't sharing THAT title until the chapter's up, because it spoils all the things (which, I also didn't want to use because it'll spoil the two big plot points instantly, but I don't care, I have to use it).

[dewelar]

Your fears were correct. Suzu went back to Hisao after that. I think that's completely in-character for her to forgive someone at least once, even for something rather heinous, especially if it's someone she deeply loves. I mean, she forgave Kenji (who she barely knew) for kidnapping her. In fact, I think it'd be OOC for her to NOT forgive Hisao.

I think my problem with a story of this nature isn't necessarily whether or not it's in character to forgive. Honestly, it should be in everybody's character to forgive. The question is whether the one being forgiven is additionally deserving of a second chance, and that's a lot trickier. For instance, Suzu may have forgiven Kenji for what he did to her, but if she's rational she's going to have her guard up a lot higher around him from that point forward because of that. That now also applies to Hisao. That's what I mean about not being able to cross back over that line.

I will wait to comment further until the appearance of chapter 6.

[bhtooefr]

I'd also argue that the feelings she had weren't exactly rational, either. If she were entirely rational, she would've ditched Hisao right away, never given him a second chance, because you really don't cross that line and come back from it without a damn good reason, and Hisao didn't give her one. But, she was in a weak emotional state when she made that decision, and it was literally losing the

She's an imperfect character, with a lot of willingness to trust those who have wronged her. (Even if she did rationally realize that dealing with Kenji was insane, she still did it, and it worked out well for her.) Add in crazy love chemicals, and you get a cocktail for bad decisions.

Having re-read something, I need to revamp the rough draft I've got of chapter 6, though, one of the major plot points doesn't work (I was having trouble transitioning to it anyway). The core one does, though, and some of the supporting plot points do.

[bhtooefr]

Chapter 6 Part 1

I hear someone knocking at the door. Damn, damn, not now, not while I'm planning this operation! I hide what I'm working on and head to the door to see who it is.

I look through the peephole, and notice a blue-haired person standing at my door. I ask, "what's the password?" I've got a pretty good idea of who it is, but if I don't ask, I could let one of my enemies in. That would be bad. For quite obvious reasons.

"Damnit, Kenji, do I have to do this every time?"

Confirmed, it's Suzu. Now I'm just messing with her, but she doesn't have to know that. "Yes, damnit, you can never be too careful, man!"

"Fine, fine, it's honeymuffin." I can almost hear her rolling her eyes when she says that. "Can I come in now?"

I undo fifteen locks, one by one. Just got a couple biometric locks added, too. Like I said, you can never be too careful. As I open the door, Suzu comes inside. Once she's safely through, I shut the door and lock everything back up. No way am I gonna risk letting anything else from outside in my apartment.

"Hey, man, I was in the middle of something."

"Oh, I can come back later, I just needed some help studying."

"Why didn't you call me, man? It's rude to just drop by without calling ahead, you know."

"Because you would've gotten into one of your rants about how you hate phones?" She really is smarter than she looks. Sometimes I wonder if I was wrong when I gave up my crusade against feminism. Maybe she really is a feminist spy.

"Grr... OK, you win this time, woman!" Suzu giggles a little at that. "But, why can't you study with Hisao? I am a pretty busy man, you know."

Suzu grimaces. "We're... not on speaking terms right now. I'm actually staying with Miki, for a few days anyway. And before you ask, Miki isn't exactly a good study partner."

Ah, damn, this is serious. "What happened?"

"We just... we got into a fight, that's all. He wasn't drunk, he didn't hit me, he didn't have a heart attack, it was just a shouting match." Talk about a suspiciously specific denial, there. My eyes narrow a bit, I know she's not exactly telling the truth. "OK, fine, he was absolutely shitfaced. But, he only threatened to hit me, and he just had a heart flutter."

I facepalm. "Fucking hell, Suzu."

I knew she should've broken up with him after he tried to beat her with a whiskey bottle a few months back. Hisao had never been violent to Suzu before then. Hell, they never even really fought, it was almost like they had the perfect relationship, almost too perfect. But, ever since then, their relationship has been rocky as hell. You'd think he would've walked away from the booze after that night, but no, he started hitting it extra hard, and getting belligerent with Suzu almost every night. What surprises me even more is that Suzu actually puts up with that bullshit.

"Listen, I don't want to talk about it, Kenji. I just need to focus on my studies, and take my mind off of this."

Well, that is the one good thing that came out of all of this. Hisao convinced her that she really did need to focus on her education, to build her future. And, because I share a lot of classes with her, she realized that I might actually be a good study partner. Not to brag or anything, but I am the best study partner.

Suzu goes ahead and pulls her notes out, along with a textbook. We study for a couple hours, when I hear a loud banging noise at my front door.

"Open up, Kenji, ya bastard. I know she's here." Shit, what's Hisao doing here? I haven't even talked to him since that night he hurt Suzu, but he knows he's not welcome here after that. Sounds like he's drunk, too, which is when he gets violent, from what Suzu's admitted to me. I look at Suzu, and her eyes are as wide as saucers, and she's shaking her head. She looks like she wants to make a run for it, almost like that one girl back at Yamaku... who was it, Ikezawa?

I decide to pull a page from Hisao's book. I knew that half the time I knocked on his door, back when we were across the hall from each other at Yamaku, and nobody answered, he was hiding from me. Unfortunately, my apartment isn't on the ground level, so I can't exactly leave out the window like he did a couple times. But, I know he can't pick locks, so we're probably safe.

Hisao keeps yelling through the door, but after 15 minutes or so, he gives up. I pull up one of the security cameras I hid in the hallway--you really never can be too careful--and watch him leave. Suzu's next to me, almost shaking in fear. I can't say that I'm not shaking, either.

"What... what the hell was that, Suzu?"

Rather matter-of-factly, Suzu replies, "Hisao thinks I'm cheating on him with you." Oh fuck. First, I don't want to touch this situation with a ten-foot pole, second, how does she put up with this? "I should probably call Miki and have her come pick me up, don't want to stay here too long. Hisao's already got the wrong idea after all."

Suzu gives Miki a call, and a few minutes later, there's a knock on my door.

"Who is it?"

"Hey, gaylord, it's me." Good, not Hisao being a dick again, but actually Miki. I open the door, and Suzu rushes out to hug her.

I ask, "you guys gonna be OK?"

Miki replies, "yeah, we've got it from here. Thanks for keeping Suzu safe."

I secure the facility once more, and sit back. Fuck, I need a drink or two after that.

----------

*RING-RING*

Fuck, my head hurts right now!

*RING-RING*

Who the hell's calling me? It better be that publisher I sent a draft to.

*RING-RING*

Fuck, it's 08:00? Too goddamn early! I put my pillow over my head.

*RING-RING*

There, that's the last ring, my torture is over, hopefully. A few seconds later, though...

*RING-RING*

Damnit! I knew I shouldn't have finished off the whole bottle of Jack. My head is splitting.

*RING-RING*

Fine, fine, I'm gonna have to answer this. I reach out to grab the phone, and look at the caller ID.

Wait, it's Suzu? She knows better than to call me... but if she's calling me, I should probably answer.

"What the hell, Suzu? It's 8 in the morning!"

Suzu's reply is shaky. "I... I... Just come over to Miki's... please... something happened."

When I get to Miki's place, I notice a couple of cop cars and an ambulance. What the hell?

Miki's standing outside, watching what's going on. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know. I was getting groceries, and Suzu called me in a panic. I get home and see this. She's been talking to the cops."

We wait a few minutes, and Suzu comes over to us. She has a bloody nose, and she's been crying. I can see that her eyes look... dead. I don't know how I know what that looks like, but I do. She sits down between us.

Miki breaks the silence first. "Suzu, what happened?"

"It was... it was Hisao." She sounds incredibly depressed, like she has nothing left to live for. "He... he... he came over." She started crying again.

"Fuck. The one time I'm not home..."

"Miki... please don't. It's... it's not your fault." Then... was it my fault? No, no, I didn't do anything wrong, it's that fucker Hisao's fault. "Hisao thought I was... cheating on him with Kenji yesterday. He... came over, and started yelling at me. Hit me a couple times."

I'm gonna kill that fucker. Should've pushed him off of Yamaku's roof when I had the chance, nobody would've suspected a thing. Looking at Miki, I think she's thinking the same thing.

Right as I think that, I hear some noises at the door. The paramedics are wheeling a stretcher out, but I can't see it that well.

Suzu starts sobbing, when she sees the stretcher. "This time... I decided to fight back. Tried to punch him in the face, but I... missed. I... hit him... right in the chest. I wasn't trying to kill him, just defend myself against him, but... he had a heart attack. And... and... he died..."

Suzu looks completely exhausted, like she's run a marathon. I consider congratulating Suzu, but I think better of it. Instead, both Miki and I put an arm around Suzu, holding her. Soon, another ambulance arrives to pick Suzu up, and Miki leaves with her.

[bhtooefr]

Chapter 6 Part 2

Today is a damn good day.

I look around in my closet for my suit. Ah, there it is. After putting it on, I look at myself in the mirror. Damn, that Daniel Craig dude doesn't have anything on me. I am one classy motherfucker. Important when you're dealing with secret societies and all.

But, today, I don't have to deal with secret societies at all. Instead, one of my old friends is throwing a party, because her third book--something about superheroes--just got a publishing deal. We haven't talked in a while because of our careers, but it'll be good to catch up.

Unfortunately, I'm not rich enough to get my own driver. Sometimes that's the way it goes when you're a writer by trade, especially when you're writing about conspiracy theories that most people think are insane. And, while the laser surgery has helped my eyesight, it's still not good enough for me to drive myself. So, I call a taxi.

I have the taxi drop me off a block away from the building--can't be seen getting out of any less than a limo, after all. I take the elevator up to the top floor.

I open the door. Suzu greets me. "Hey, Kenji, glad you could make it!"

"Great to see you, man!"

"No point wasting any time, the bar's open, get yourself something!" Suzu gestures in the direction of her balcony. I walk over to the balcony. Damn, she really went all out with the bar she had set up. I order a glass of straight Jack from the bartender. Glasses are fine nowadays, but damnit, no napkins, and no ice.

I walk over to the edge of the balcony, looking out. The party might be mostly inside, but I'm not the kind of guy who operates in large crowds unless I have to, so I'm content being alone here. Damn, her place really has got a beautiful view of the Pacific. Her book series has really taken off, and she managed to get an oceanfront condo. That must have cost a pretty penny.

Suzu taps me on the shoulder, interrupting my thoughts. "Hey, what are you doing out here? The party's inside, you know."

"Eh, you know how I am about crowds. I figured I'd just admire the view."

Suzu gestures over to a couple of chairs, and I follow her to them.

Suzu grins at me, and says, "bet nobody at Yamaku expected me to be in this place, ten years ago. You know, this was one of my two goals in life, when I was at Yamaku. I'm living my dream right now."

"Huh?"

"I had two goals. One of them was to live in a place like this. The other goal was..." Suzu grimaces, and continues, "eh, I don't want to think about that goal. This is supposed to be a happy time." She must be talking about what happened with Hisao. "Anyway, how've you been?"

"Eh, same ol', same ol'. Can't talk much about it, but I'm doing more columns for that political blog. Certainly not as glamorous as writing a novel series." She can't know about the secret societies. I don't think she'd compromise the operation, but if she knew anything, she could be hurt.

"Hey, at least you're keeping busy, right?"

"Oh, definitely. I've got a piece I've gotta work on as soon as I get home, actually."

"Good, good! So... I gotta ask, you got yourself a girlfriend yet? I mean, you've been single the whole time I've known you." Wait, what? Why is she asking me that?!? That's completely out of nowhere... But, actually, I have.

A few years back, in my research of the various secret societies, I ended up traveling to Greece. I was at one of the museums there, studying some artifacts that were relevant to my research, when someone bumped into me. That someone was Yuuko. To say I was surprised to see her again is an understatement. Apparently, she had travelled to Greece to study Mediterranean history.

"Heh, you wouldn't believe this, man... remember Yuuko, the librarian from Yamaku?"

Suzu's eyes widen. "Wait, you're dating HER?"

"I was actually dating her for a while when I was at Yamaku, but I was an idiot and broke things off. But, I ran into her at a museum in Greece, and we started talking again, and we've been together ever since."

"Then why didn't you bring her?"

"Eh, she's in Italy right now helping with a dig. So, you seeing anyone yet?"

Suzu smiles, a bit wistfully, and says, "nah. I realized I'm pretty happy by myself, so I don't really see the need. And, well, after my last relationship..." Suzu visibly flinches when she says that. Damn, has she really not dated anyone since Hisao?

"Ah. Yeah. Don't blame you, man."

Suzu quickly changes the subject. "Hey, you hear Miki got together with Misha, and moved to the US for a while?"

...Huh. That, I did not expect. On several levels. "Misha? As in Mikado? Wow. That must be a handful."

"Hah, understatement of the century, there, I said the same thing. But, Misha mellowed out a lot once they started dating. You wouldn't think Miki would ever mellow anyone out, but that's exactly what happened."

I look down at my watch. "Damn, the deadline for that piece I'm writing is in a couple hours. I gotta bail so I can finish it up, sorry, man."

"Hey, hey, it's fine, I understand." Suzu hugs me tightly. "Thanks for coming out here, it was good to see you! Keep in touch more often!"

I wave goodbye, and promise to call Suzu some time.

THE END

Previous Chapter

[bhtooefr]

Alright. Now for some closing remarks.

I hope that came out OK. The pacing felt a bit off on Chapter 6, but I was sick of rewriting that chapter. Part 2 is a massive time skip, in case that's not clear. There's room for other stories in there. I got the idea for Miki x Misha from another fic, but it's a completely different scenario. Could happen, although a bit WTF. There's also room for building Kenji x Yuuko back up in its own story.

I didn't want to cover Suzu building her career, because it would've looked ugly. The gist of what happened in my mind is, after Hisao's death, she focused on finishing her studies, and then getting into her career, because she realized that it was the one way to her remaining dream (and doing it in style, writing superhero novels). Everyone else kept living their own lives, and she ended up alone, but she's OK with that, especially if her friends can stay in contact with her every now and then (and in my head, she talks to Miki almost daily, even when Miki moved to the US, but I needed to get Miki out of the situation (and, given that it's Misha, out of the country works) for Suzu to truly feel alone and then come to terms with, and accept that).

Also, yes, Kenji promising to call Suzu was massive character development. He never could've done that without reconciling with Yuuko. I suspect there could be a noodle reference set up there, regarding phones and Yuuko.

Alternate endings that were considered:

• Hisao suicide, with a possible Suzu suicide. This was actually my original plan for the ending, so I tried to write some Yandere Hanako (I probably won't release it - it's a ridiculous concept, and to really get into the mental state I need to be in to do a good Hanako, I need to be nearly as mentally unstable as she is around her birthday) to see if I could go that grimdark (then again, I DID have Suzu accidentally kill Hisao, so...), and it didn't work at all.
• Happy ending, which is where Chapter 5 went. That was unsatisfying and didn't actually resolve anything. Chapter 5 as originally written is only a few words different from what I posted; I added a few to clarify something (that I would've added anyway), and I removed THE END from the end of the chapter.
• Kenji x Suzu. I actually have a draft of Chapter 6 written that way, right down to a cheap punchline about Suzu proposing to Kenji, and Kenji realizing it's a feminist conspiracy and not caring. I decided against it after re-reading the relevant chapter of Scissorlips's story, and realizing that she would never trust him that much.

Random technical details that nobody cares about but I'm posting anyway... the whole story was written using AppleWorks 2.0 on an Apple //c, for the hell of it. Retrocomputing is a major hobby of mine, and it made a nice environment for writing this story. (Editing the drafts occurred in TextWrangler and then the posting box for some quick edits.)

I definitely want to write some more, but smaller scale. And, I think I've gotten kinda sick of this story line, I think I want to explore other parts of the KS universe, but I'm not sure what.

This was meant to be a one-shot, quickly grew to four chapters before I even had a word written, then floated around until it got to 6. I want to write some ideas that would actually work as one-shots this time.

[AntonSlavik020]

Personally I liked the good ending more, but that's just my personal taste. Sad endings just aren't my style. I can only really enjoy a story if I feel good after finishing it, so I'm just gonna pretend chapter 5 was the end.

[Mournful3ch0]

Today... was a sad day. I'll go into reading a depressing fic no prob as long as I know what's coming. After reading the Suzu route a few weeks back, this was not what I had in mind. Not to say that I dislike it, but it just won't fit in my head-canon.

Then again, I can never really see the reserved, caring Hisao being a belligerent drunk who beats his girlfriend. Well written, but not my cup of tea.

[TacticalBacon]

That was fantastic.

I loved the ending, I enjoyed your writing, This is one of my favorite Suzu fics.

Except maybe a few typos and grammar errors, this thing is beautiful

[TheGoatman]

Drunk or not, Hisao seems so OOC in this that I have a hard time reading it without a biased view from that point alone. Decent writing but I'm not sure I like the way the story ended, it was going fine up until chapter 5 but 6 seemed out of character, both for Hisao, Kenji, and even you, it seemed like someone else wrote the last chapter but that's just my opinion.

I do agree with you though - Suzu's route does need an epilogue, this one seems more like a bad/neutral end epilogue though. Just my opinion, I'm a terrible writer by anyones view so don't take it to heart.

[bhtooefr]

Out of curiosity, how do you think I got Kenji wrong in 6? Hisao being OOC I can completely understand, though (and, unfortunately, it means I failed to do this right).

Keep in mind that there's two time skips in there, and I wanted to try to develop Kenji's character. Chapter 6 part 1 is a few months after chapter 5, and chapter 6 part 2 is 10 years after Yamaku (so about 7ish years after part 1?)

Also, it's my opinion that a "good ending" for Hisao and Suzu as a couple post-Yamaku is unlikely (not impossible, though, but I don't want to write the good conflict resolution). A neutral ending would be possible, I think, but given that I wanted to write everything around him being violent to her, a bad ending was really the only plausible way to do this (and that's why I didn't like chapter 5 being the ending, and changed it). I also didn't want to end on a character death, because I wanted to develop Suzu, and give her a good ending, by herself.

At this point, I think I'm going to let the plot stand, and merely fix more basic errors, such as spelling/grammar errors and continuity errors. (Re: those errors, specific examples would be helpful.)

[Mirage_GSM]

Okay...
First of all, Hisao as in the VN is kind of a blank sheet, depending on where you put the divergence point from the original.
You, however, decided to start your story at the end of another fanfiction. By this time a character for Hisao has been pretty much established, and it does not fit the Hisao from this story.

given that I wanted to write everything around him being violent to her, a bad ending was really the only plausible way to do this

Given that you wanted to write a story around him being violent to her, you shouldn't have chosen Scissorlips' story to base this on. It might have worked as a standalone fic. It certainly doesn't work as an epilogue.

Oh, and:

Personally I liked the good ending more, but that's just my personal taste. Sad endings just aren't my style.

It was a good ending, wasn't it? For everyone but Hisao that is...

[AntonSlavik020]

Oh, and:

Personally I liked the good ending more, but that's just my personal taste. Sad endings just aren't my style.

It was a good ending, wasn't it? For everyone but Hisao that is...

Not to me. Ending on character death pretty much kills any chance of it being a good ending for me, let alone me being able to enjoy it. Now I understand how some people can enjoy this, but it just isn't for me. I pretty much only like happy endings, as sometimes unrealistic as they can be.

[dewelar]

Well, I promised to wait for this chapter to come out before commenting again. However, most of what I'd have to say was already said by previous posters.

I think the key here is that when you're writing a story that is set in a particular universe, one of the first questions you have to ask yourself is "does it fit with this setting and these characters"? What this feels like (even though you've said otherwise) is that you came up with this idea for a story you wanted to tell, and then just used the KS setting and characters to tell that story. It can be done well (for instance, some of Hoitash's stuff feels this way to me, and I still enjoy it), but it's not something I'd try unless you have some experience with the setting and characters under your belt first.

Now, if you really want to tell this specific story and run it off Scissorlips' work, I could potentially see Suzu and Hisao having already broken up over the whole "don't know what to do with my future" business, then Suzu giving Lezard a chance on the rebound. insert Lezard into the Hisao role (and optionally put Hisao in the Kenji role) and BAM! Totally believable setup without even having to change the core content a whit, at least IMO. Yeah, Lezard wouldn't be Manly Picnicking with Kenji, but the way Scissorlips wrote him I can definitely picture him getting shit-faced without any assistance, and being the belligerent type.

If you really wanted Hisao to be the aggressor, though, you really have to show something drastic having happened in the intervening three years. Otherwise, it just feels off.