Like Fire and Powder: A Suzu epilogue (Complete)

[bhtooefr]

You all are gonna hate me for this one. Hopefully I got the pacing and characterization (remember, Hisao is drunk, so the characterization won't be normal) right. This chapter actually includes the scene that appeared in my head, and inspired the whole story written around it, so hopefully it comes off properly. Also, this one gets a trigger warning for abuse.

Chapter 3

I stumble down the stairs, gripping tightly to the bottle of Jack in my hand, and to the railing.

Rage is coursing through my body as I stagger through the streets, headed towards my apartment. My heart races as I open the bottle and finish it off, a couple blocks away from home.

I still can't believe that fucker has any right to give me relationship advice. What the hell does he know? Like I told him... he's a shut-in who ran away from his girlfriend because of his batshit crazy paranoia, and the last time he touched a girl since then was when he kidnapped Suzu. I've had Suzu for a couple years now. I think I know a little bit more about this than he does.

I stumble down the sidewalk slowly. My heart slows down some. I think some more about how to get through to Suzu, give her the wake-up call she needs. Heh. Wake-up call.

I slowly walk up the steps to our apartment, almost falling a couple times, and I dig the keys out of my pocket. It takes me a few tries to get the key in the lock, but I get the door unlocked, and walk inside.

Suzu's fallen asleep on the living room floor. I yell at her to wake up.

"Oh, hey, Hisao. What time is it?"

"'s 'bout midnight."

Suzu yawns, and says, "thought you weren't gonna be home tonight."

"D'cided to come home, had more 'mportant things to do."

"More important things?"

"Like talking about our relationship."

Suzu looks down at the bottle still in my hand, and asks, "how about later, when you're sober?"

Cheeky bitch, trying to get out of this. Nope. Not gonna let her. "No, we need t'do this now."

Suzu rolls her eyes.

"Why d'you keep avoidin' y'r future?"

Suzu lowers her head. "Can we please have this conversation LATER? After you're not DRUNK?"

"I'm sober enough to have made it back home, I'm sober enough t' have this conversation. Stop avoidin' th' question."

Suzu sighs deeply, rolling her eyes. "Fine. If you insist. I just... I feel like giving up."

I raise an eyebrow.

"This is just... too hard for me. Much harder than anything I had to deal with at Yamaku."

"Welcome to the goddamn real world. It's hard for everyone. That's kinda the point of university. You don't think I struggle?"

"But I could keep up with Yamaku. Yeah, I needed help, but I could do it. I'm falling behind here, even with help, so why bother?"

"Because you have goals? Because you want to make something of yourself?"

"Hisao... I'm not as driven as you are. I had two goals, and I told you what they were. I wanted to follow you to university, and I want to live somewhere high up where I can see the ocean out of a big window. The first goal, I've already done, we're here. The second goal, I never really expect to get it."

I'm frustrated with this. This isn't the Suzu that I met at Yamaku, who wasn't afraid to have someone by her side, but at the same time, didn't give up so easily.

What changed?

"Then what're you gonna do? Sit around 'n' do nothin'?"

"I guess? I mean, what's the alternative?"

Under normal circumstances, that would depress me. Right now, though, it sends me into a fit of rage. This rage feels... powerful. Maybe I should drink like this more often.

I stand up surprisingly steadily, and start yelling, "what the fuck, Suzu? You don't just fuckin' sit around and do nothin'. You get your ass up, you get to class, you do what you have to fuckin' do!"

Suzu is clearly afraid right now. Good.

"I fuckin' meant it when I said I'd be there for you, but goddamn it, you've gotta fuckin' try!"

Suzu starts crying, and begins to speak, but I cut her off.

"I can't just sit around and watch you fuckin' give up."

An agonizing silence falls over the room, Suzu looking at the ground. Seconds later--although it felt like minutes--Suzu looks up at me, and whispers, "I'm sorry, Hisao. I can't do this."

That's it. I've had enough of this bullshit. My heart is racing, pure rage flowing through my veins. After everything I've done for her, she's giving up. Fuck this.

I raise the empty bottle of whiskey, and strike Suzu with it. "Go to hell, Suzu."

Suzu looks at me with terror, as she raises her hand to where I struck her. She backs away slowly, heading towards the door. She doesn't take her eyes off of me as she opens the door, and backs out.

Several minutes pass by, as the rage that was coursing through me subsides. However, the adrenaline doesn't go away, as I begin to realize what I just did.

Thump-THUMP.

Thump-THUMP-THUMP.

Oh shit. My chest suddenly feels incredibly painful.

THUMP-thump-THUMP.

My arm becomes full of pins and needles, and falls limply to my side. I drop the bottle.

Of course this is how I deserve to go, after what I just did to Suzu.

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.

I collapse to the ground, and everything goes black.

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[dewelar]

"These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume."

- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

[bhtooefr]

Interesting choice of quote. (Logical, from the events of this chapter.)

[dewelar]

Interesting choice of quote. (Logical, from the events of this chapter.)

What's funny is that I'd forgotten you were looking for an appropriate quote for the title until after I'd posted this. Don't know what direction this is going yet, so not sure it would fit either way .

I haven't posted in this thread until now, because I hadn't yet finished reading Scissorlips' story until a couple days ago myself. I rather liked your first two chapters (I've said it before, but I could NEVER write a Kenji POV chapter, so kudos to doing it decently), but this one...ugh...not sure I can see Hisao doing that, even drunk, unless there's been a LOT of shit that's gone down in the intervening year-plus since then. Kind of dreading where this is going now.

[bhtooefr]

Let's just say drink can do some funny things. It's completely OOC for him sober, obviously, and Kenji's influence--even a somewhat more sane, somewhat helpful Kenji--would put him on edge, and note what caused his heart attack.

The adrenaline didn't go away when the rage did. That's because he got even MORE worked up by the realization of what he did to Suzu. He was drunk enough that it took a while.

You can probably see why the upcoming chapters had to be written before releasing this one.

Also, I might have actually come up with a title, but it's one that might spoil things too much if overanalyzed. I'm tempted to actually leave the title as-is, though, because it gives an interesting synchronicity with Scissorlips's story's name. (Hmm, maybe I should toss a "pseudo" or three in there.)

[dewelar]

Let's just say drink can do some funny things.

*nods* I have some experience with the matter, having grown up with an alcoholic mother. Based on that, and what I've read, alcohol cannot make you act outside yourself. By that, I mean that in order for someone to haul off and hit another person, it has to be something that they would consider, but reject while sober because they know better. Alcohol removes some portion of the ability to reject. I just don't believe it's within Hisao to be capable of that action, drunk or sober, but obviously YMMV.

[bhtooefr]

I will note that Hisao can act rashly when impassioned, even when sober. Just look at Lilly's good end. And, even more to the point (and with less rashness, given that he wasn't literally trying to run through a heart attack), look at Rin's route, where he snaps in anger at her.

And he's very frustrated with Suzu right now - even more so than he was with Rin. Suzu's trying to throw everything that he's tried to help her with away, after all.

Add 2/3 or so of a bottle of Jack to that kind of frustration/anger...

I hope the next couple of chapters help to explain some, too...

[dewelar]

I will note that Hisao can act rashly when impassioned, even when sober. Just look at Lilly's good end. And, even more to the point (and with less rashness, given that he wasn't literally trying to run through a heart attack), look at Rin's route, where he snaps in anger at her.

And he's very frustrated with Suzu right now - even more so than he was with Rin. Suzu's trying to throw everything that he's tried to help her with away, after all.

Add 2/3 or so of a bottle of Jack to that kind of frustration/anger...

I hope the next couple of chapters help to explain some, too...

*nods* There's a big difference between yelling at someone and outright hitting them, though. Don't want to start soapboxing, though, so will drop this point until the rest of the story is available to read.

I will say, however, that this is one of those "once you cross that line, you can't go back" moments in a relationship. Suzu now knows that Hisao is capable of this behavior, and I am interested in seeing how she processes that information.

[TacticalBacon]

[secretly hopes that Hisao dies]



Seriously though, that was a real dick move

[TheGoatman]

[secretly hopes that Hisao dies]



Seriously though, that was a real dick move

*nod* I have a strong dislike towards those who strike women over petty relationship crap(and this wasn't even a "you cheated on me" kind of thing)

Death to Hisao Although I predict a near-death experience somehow linking to an undeserved Suzu forgiveness resulting in a better relationship, I hope for a "Hisao dies, and Suzu gets with Miki"

[dewelar]

Although I predict a near-death experience somehow linking to an undeserved Suzu forgiveness resulting in a better relationship, I hope for a "Hisao dies, and Suzu gets with Miki"

Yeah, that would be what I was thinking when I said "Kind of dreading where this is going now" (well, except for the last part - yuri for the sake of yuri usually sucks).

[bhtooefr]

My headcanon is that Miki sees Suzu as nothing more than a sister-like friend, and that Suzu is straight. Not doing Miki/Suzu, sorry.

[TheGoatman]

My headcanon sees Suzu as 100% straight and Miki as bi(Note: My only real interaction with Suzu/Miki is from the Pseudo route by Scissorlips, why did we all start speaking in spoiler mode btw?

[bhtooefr]

Because you started it?

And, their orientations being incompatible isn't even all of it - it's the nature of their relationship, like I said.

I don't recall everything, but I've seen fic portraying Miki as 100% straight, 100% lesbian (I think that one was Katawa Aniki, and she was interested in Misha? I forget now, read too much fanfic and it blurs together), and bi, IIRC. I've also seen her portrayed as hating Suzu, but not often. But, her being bi resonates with what's known about her character the most, IMO.

Speaking of which... screw it, barely more than a 24 hour stagger, rather than the 3 day stagger I've been running, but chapter 4's sitting there ready to go, and I'm happy with it...

[bhtooefr]

Chapter 4

I'm awakened by the sound of my phone ringing. It's Suzu. What the hell is she calling for at 3 in the damn morning? Can't be a nightmare, Hisao is there to get her through those.

"H'llo, Suzu. What's up, gaylord?"

Suzu speaks in a frightened tone. "Miki, I just got into a fight with Hisao. Can I stay at your place tonight?"

This can't be good. Sure, they've had disagreements before, but she's never called it a fight, and it's never been bad enough for Suzu to ask to stay at my place.

"Sure, just come on over. I'll be awake."

"Alright, see you in about 10 minutes."

I decide to down a glass of wine. I suspect I'm gonna need something to take the edge off this.

Soon, Suzu's knocking on my door, and I let her in.

"Is everything OK, Su--" I stop myself, when I notice a welt on her face.

"Suzu, what happened?"

Suzu averts her eyes, and says, "n-nothing. I just fell asleep in the wrong place."

She acts like she's lying, but... Hisao didn't hit her, did he? I can't imagine...

"Suzu, you can tell me if something happened, you know."

"Miki, it's nothing. I just need somewhere to sleep tonight. I don't want to talk, I don't want to do anything but sleep."

She's made quite clear that she doesn't want anything to do with talking about this, and I know that pressuring her isn't going to help. But, when she closes herself off like that... I know something definitely happened.

"Fine, fine. Do you want me to get your things from your apartment?"

"Eh, might as well."

"Alright, Suzu. Good night. I'll be back in half an hour or so."

"Night, Miki."

I look back to make sure she's OK. She isn't, but there's nothing I can do right now. I grab my car keys, and head out the door.

I might have told Suzu that I was just going to get her things, but that's not the real reason I'm going to their apartment. I made a promise back at Yamaku, that if Hisao ever made Suzu cry, he'd have to deal with my wrath.

I arrive at their apartment, and I don't even bother to knock, I just open the unlocked door.

"Hisao, you motherfucker, where are you?"

I take a few steps inside, to see Hisao collapsed on the floor, his hand over his heart, and an empty bottle of whiskey by his side.

So apparently he was drunk off his ass. And he's had a heart attack. I've got half a mind to just let him die, but Suzu knows I was here, so I wouldn't have an alibi. Besides, he can't feel my wrath if he's dead. I decide to call 119.

Soon, the ambulance crew arrives, loads Hisao on a stretcher, and takes him to a hospital. I decide to grab some stuff for Suzu, and then I head home. I need sleep before I can even think of dealing with this.

----------

I wake up at a more reasonable hour, and step out of my room. Suzu's just waking up herself, and she's been crying all night. The welt on her face has turned into a bruise. A wave of anger passes over me.

"Morning, Suzu. How are you?" I ask mainly out of courtesy, but the answer's pretty obvious.

"Not good."

"I got you some clothes. Get a shower, then we need to talk about some stuff."

Suzu mumbles, "OK."

While Suzu showers, I get some breakfast ready. Eventually, she finishes her shower, and sits down at the table.

"Hey. You mind talking about what happened?"

"Eh, guess I need to tell someone. Basically, I've been struggling with my studies for a while now, and Hisao's been frustrated with that. And, recently, the nightmares have come back, even with him being there."

The nightmares... she told me bits and pieces, and that being with Hisao seemed to reduce their frequency. But, it was almost three years ago when Seiji passed away. That must be the problem...

"We actually tried studying yesterday evening, but I couldn't get anywhere. It wasn't like I wasn't understanding the material, it's like... I couldn't study at all."

"Anyway, Hisao had some picnic with Kenji last night. All I know is, at 2 in the morning, he came storming in, completely drunk, and angry. He tore into me about my lack of motivation. I told him I couldn't keep going with this any more, and that sent him into a rage."

"Is that when..."

Suzu cuts me off. "I told you, I fell on some... fuck it, you're gonna get this out of me eventually. Yes, he hit me. And he told me to go to hell."

This is the worst I've seen Suzu, since Seiji passed away.

"Did you talk to him when you got my stuff?"

"I wanted to confront him, but..."

"But what?"

"I found him unconscious, he had had a heart attack." Suzu's eyes go wide, then I continue, "I called 119, they got him to the hospital. He's not dead, although if he were conscious, I probably would have killed him."

"D-don't even joke about that."

"I wasn't joking. Not after what he did to you."

"Miki... stop. He was drunk. He's never been like this before."

"Fine, fine. But I still promised him that he'd regret it if he made you cry."

"Can we just set that aside for now, and make sure he's OK?"

"Yeah, sure. The hospital said that he'd probably be OK to have visitors tomorrow morning."

"Alright. Can you drive me there?"

"Sure." I'm afraid for Suzu, but I understand that she needs this. "I'll be there too."

We finish up breakfast, and spend the day trying to take each other's minds off of what happened last night.

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