The Kenji Files; Ibarazaki and Setou (Updated 08/08/13)

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Hoitash
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Re: The Kenji Files; Ibarazaki and Setou(Updated 09/17)

Post by Hoitash »

Helbereth wrote: I had to Google 'Exterminatus', and I still don't quite understand.
(Puts on nerd hat, starts playing Sabaton power metal)
Ahem:

Exterminatus is the obliteration of a world's entire population through some form of weapon used from orbit or nearby space.

It is the most extreme method of dealing with some form of heresy, corruption or alien infiltration which has taken root within a planet's population. Accordingly it is only used in the most extreme of circumstances, when the level of corruption a world bears is so monumental that it cannot be wiped out by any other means. The destruction of the entire population is deemed necessary to prevent the contagion from spreading further...

The Exterminatus order can be given by any Inquisitor. An astropath will relay the order to a Space Marine Chapter nearest the condemned world. Upon receiving the order, the Space Marine fleet will be dispatched with the desired methods of annihilation.

From the Lexicanum page "Exterminatus."

You had the gist, but I couldn't resist nerding out :)
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Part 6 - Parent Conspiracy

Post by Helbereth »

It has been quite a while since the last time I added to this, but the feeling struck me, so I decided to write. Technically, I haven't done any editing as I post this, but it's roughly what I want. Anyway, onward and upward...

Previous|Next
____________________________________

The Kenji Files:
Dark Garden Part 6
Parent Conspiracy


Rustling underbrush drew Emi's attention away from the rocky outcropping to glance at where Kenji was moving forward. His blurry vision made the approach less stealthy than she would have preferred, but it never stopped him from trying. The woodsy area led to a clearing where a convincing-looking company truck and a small crew of men seemed ready to start cutting down the forest.

Dressed for cold weather, they looked the part of loggers, but that didn't really make any sense. As far as she knew, that area was a protected forest, which meant the trees weren't meant to meet with a saw mill. None of them had yet made use of the equipment, so they were either trying to decide what to do next, or they weren't actually loggers.

Scouting ahead, Emi noted a few other problems with their cover story. There weren't any stubs left in their wake, for one, and the area smelled like flowers rather than sawdust. Also, somehow this rather large group of men had either been hiding, or was in another area during their last visit. Unless her memory had been altered, she didn't recall seeing anyone except Kenji that night, but that seemed impossible.

“Where'd they all come from all of a sudden?” Emi whispered to herself.

Kenji sidled up beside her and peered around the trunk. “Who are they?” he asked, squinting to attempt a better look, “locals?”

Emi shook her head and sighed, “No. They're guarding something. Probably whatever's down in that gully.”

She pointed toward a rocky outcropping where there was a pair of burly, bearded men leaning against the nearby trees. Kenji shook his head and asked, “We can't get across this way—should we circle around?”

Scanning the brush line, Emi started nodding, her eyes locking onto a downed tree that fell parallel to the gully. “Follow me,” she said, grabbing his shirt collar, “stay close.”

Taking the long way around, Emi soon led them to that fallen tree, and crept up over the massive trunk to check their destination. It was still obscured by brush and ferns, and another guard was stalking the opposite end of the wide path, but none of that held her attention for long. Out from behind the brush, it appeared as though a bright amber light was emanating from the bottom of the gully. Despite it being a clear, sunny day, the glow was bright enough to send rays through the leaves.

“The hell is that?” she asked aloud, keeping her eyes on the strange light.

“What?” Kenji prompted, leaning up to look over the trunk, “where are you-”

“There,” she replied, pointing at the light. “Any idea why loggers would have that bright a light on in the middle of the day?”

“That's no normal light,” Kenji presumed, earning a look of disbelief from Emi. “Hey, for once just listen—I've read some stories about something like this, but I thought it was too crazy to mention.”

“I already think you're crazy,” she said flatly, eying him narrowly, “What's the story?”

“If I'm right, it'll explain how we got to Maine, why we were bound, and-”

“Just tell me!” she barked, tired of his evasive stalling.

The story he had didn't settle her mind, but it did seem plausible. Kenji was always one to follow crazy conspiracy theories: illuminati, templars, masons, aliens—all the basics. In among them was a story that seemed so far-fetched that most conspiracy theorists thought the people who claimed its existence were crazy—and that's saying something. Details weren't well-known, and many seemed to conflict, but, according to Kenji, all those conspiracies were part of one big root conspiracy.

The Agartha Initiative.

The name sounded ridiculous, and it was well beyond the typical craziness, even for Kenji, but since she didn't have any way to dispute the idea, Emi didn't bother arguing. She managed to convince her crackpot partner to wait until nightfall, but there was no stopping him once he'd found a tangent for his ranting. Strangely, for once it didn't all sound like lunacy, which either meant it might be true, or Kenji's insanity was rubbing off on her—hopefully it was the former.

Darkness descended soon after a radio check-in with Nurse, whom they kept out of the loop just in case it was all just a crazy theory. The addition of floodlights and patrolling guards—all dressed convincingly like lumberjacks—made the approach more difficult, but the amber light made finding their destination in the dark exceedingly simple. If either of the nearby sentries saw their approach, neither moved to intercept, so Emi led her half-blind associate straight into the gully.

The earthen walls steadily rose as they descended toward the amber glow, which seemed to emanate from a cave at the bottom of the glacial valley. Loose dirt gave way to boulders large enough to crush them to death, but there weren't any guards standing in their way—none they could see, anyway. With each tentative step, the amber glow increased in intensity, and the cool night air began to feel warmer, but Emi shrugged that off as geothermal emanations—she wasn't ready to let Kenji be right, at least not about everything.

“What was that?” Kenji blurted suddenly, his volume and tone making Emi slap his shoulder.

“What was what?” she demanded in a raspy whisper, sending her eyes out to search for threats.

Silence seemed like the only answer until Kenji's hand flung upward and he exclaimed, “That! Didn't you hear that?”

At a loss, Emi continued her visual scan and tried to focus on hearing, but couldn't hear anything strange. “I don't hear anything... are you sure?”

“There!” he rasped again, this time pointing toward the rock wall.

Turning to look, Emi frowned, still not finding whatever phantom Kenji was following. “There, what? I don't see-” her words cut off as the creature finally came into view.

“There, you see it?”

Hovering by a vine dangling from the cliff above floated a bee not unlike the one she had seen earlier. Against the darkness, though, it appeared to have an effulgent glow not unlike a firefly, except steadier. As far as she knew, there was no such species of bioluminescent bee, so either she was looking at a new species, or it was some kind of trick—she didn't even want to consider that Kenji might be right.

“What is it?” she asked, pulling Kenji close so he wouldn't be tempted to talk loudly.

“It's a bee,” he said flatly, “A glowing bee...”

“You're helpful...”

“There it goes,” he observed, his eyes managing to follow it despite their handicap. “We should follow it?”

With her eyes locked onto the departing bug, Emi nodded and beckoned Kenji to follow. Although it seemed unnecessary, she shadowed the creature from a distance, letting it guide them through the gully as it approached the amber-lighted cave—it felt almost like that's what it wanted. That thought made no sense, so she shoved it aside in favor of assuming the creature was just another lead in this strange case—this perfectly reasonable, totally insane case.

“It's a mining operation,” Emi whispered, noting a few shovels leaning against the rocky wall.

“Then why dress like woodsmen?” Kenji countered, “And what's with the bee?”

“Maybe they use them like canaries?” she suggested, but that sounded stupid the moment it left her lips.

Their speculation soon came to an end as the path opened up into a pit with a gradual downgrade leading directly into the amber glow. Kenji motioned as though he might dart ahead, but Emi held him back behind a boulder, using her acute vision to scope out any other guards. Reaching up, she lifted the M90-Z out from the holster across her back, pressed the concealed ignition button, and nodded for Kenji to do the same. He shrugged and drew the Beretta from his hip holster, then reached up to tap the side of his glasses.

“Online?” she inquired.

“Scanner ready,” he replied, heaving a sigh, “I'm hoping I don't need it.”

Tapping his shoulder, Emi signaled for silence then pointed toward the opposite end of the pit—she intended to cross while he gave cover. The tactical side of things were her department, and Kenji was fine with that, so she didn't need to make sure he understood before crouching down and strafing over behind another boulder. Once there, she glanced back and held up her hand, palm forward, then flexed her index finger—the signal to move forward.

"Here goes nothing," she breathed, trying to imagine a scenario where things wouldn't end horribly.

At least not for her...
____________________________________
Previous|Next

When will the next chapter get posted? I have absolutely no idea--this story is something I really didn't plan very well, which is why I haven't updated since last August. I literally sat down around lunch time and wrote about 3,000 words for this story--1600 of which are presented here.
Last edited by Helbereth on Thu Aug 08, 2013 4:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: The Kenji Files; Ibarazaki and Setou (Updated 07/28/13)

Post by Mirage_GSM »

It lives...
To be honest, I had almost forgotten about this story. Glad to see you continue it.
The woodsy area had given away to a clearing...
...Nurse, who they kept out of the loop...
I'll put those down to the "No editing" part...
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Re: The Kenji Files; Ibarazaki and Setou (Updated 07/28/13)

Post by Helbereth »

Mirage_GSM wrote:It lives...
To be honest, I had almost forgotten about this story. Glad to see you continue it.
I'd basically forgotten about it, too... I saw it in my signature line yesterday and thought, "Huh, I haven't looked at that in a while..."
Mirage_GSM wrote:I'll put those down to the "No editing" part...
Yeah I gave it a once-over post publication, but that was rushed. I'd actually written the 'whom' correctly, but changed it because... well, probably because I'm an idiot.
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Re: The Kenji Files; Ibarazaki and Setou (Updated 07/28/13)

Post by Hoitash »

Helbereth wrote: well, probably because I'm an idiot.
Hey, that's my line!

Good to see this updated again, if for no other reason then to remind people what your avatar is all about :wink:.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
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Re: The Kenji Files; Ibarazaki and Setou (Updated 07/28/13)

Post by Gamera Ramen »

IT LIVES
Delicious.
I'll admit, not as...moving? actiony? as the last chapters, but still good.
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Part 7 - Into The Breach

Post by Helbereth »

As I stated previously, I had written out a bit more of this when I posted the previous update, but decided to end the scene at a transitional point rather than letting it go on for another couple thousand words before the next. Thus I had most of this written out previously, and it only took a bit of tweaking and a few extensions to prepare it for publication--along with a brief visit with my editor, who I didn't make use of last time because... well, I don't really know.

Anyway, that's enough soap-boxing--enjoy!


Previous|Next
_______________________________________________________
The Kenji Files:
Dark Garden Part 7
Into The Breach


As Kenji followed, Emi started moving down the slope toward the iridescent light, having to squint as her eyes adjusted from the darkness. Soon they were both underground, and as the air seemed to get warmer, she signaled for another stop. Kneeling with her hip against the wall, she reached down to touch the floor, which seemed to glisten more than granite should.

Warm to the touch, the rocks weren't wet as far as she could tell, and they were strangely sticky—like fly paper—but that wasn't the strangest thing. It took a moment, but she soon realized they weren't rocks at all; it seemed as though they were standing on solid amber. If that wasn't enough, it seemed like the rocks were actually radiating heat rather than just reflecting it, and she wondered if they might be the source of the light as well.

Looking toward Kenji, she saw him investigating the floor similarly and shrugged her shoulders to get his attention. When he looked up, he frowned and matched her shrug—he didn't know what was going on either. Taking a steeling breath, she signaled to move forward again and started walking. The tacky floor made it difficult to move, but the light was the real problem—it was starting to become unbearable.

As they descended, the gentle amber glow had grown more and more intense, so that as they rounded a bend it seemed like they were walking directly into the sun. Strangely, the temperature didn't seem to rise as the light grew more intense, although, according to the sensors on her gun, it was holding steady at thirty degrees Celsius—warm enough to make them sweat.

Kenji seemed less effected by the brightness—it may have even been helping him see better—but he was still shadowing his face, and Emi practically had her eyes closed. Beads of sweat were forming across her brow, and the tacky floor was starting to pull against her prosthetics, but she pressed on; her curiosity was driving her forward harder than the natural instinct to flee, even though the cave definitely had a creepy vibe, and smelled like something had died.

The fact that Kenji was still stone-faced and marching forward added to her gusto. Although he talked a decent game, Kenji wasn't the sort to walk directly into danger unless it was the only way to go. If he could continue along despite his instinct to flee, there was no way Emi would let herself get consumed by fear. Glancing at him as she walked, she smirked and shook her head, and the distraction caused her to bounce into a wall.

“What?” she breathed, trying to open her eyes enough to look at its surface.

Aside her, Kenji matched her confused tone and added, “The fuck is this?”

The cave seemed to continue on beyond, but there was definitely a wall of some kind in the way. The overwhelmingly bright light made peering through it difficult, but the wall seemed to be made of amber like the rocks, and was mostly translucent. Running her hand over wall, she found it warm like the floor, but it wasn't tacky, and Emi recoiled at realizing it wasn't completely solid—it was almost gelatinous. After pulling her hand away, she glanced at Kenji and saw him running his fingers over the translucent material.

“Is this in any of those stories?” she inquired, the situation making his ideas seem less crazy.

“No, but...” he let out a strange, giddy laugh and turned a grin at her, “It's fascinating... my fingers are numb.”

“Numb?” she echoed, extending her hand to touch the wall again. Sure enough, after a couple seconds in contact, her fingers started to feel numb, but it didn't feel wrong for some reason—it felt like the warm numbness one might feel after finding the perfect comfortable spot in bed.

Turning, she saw Kenji sticking his whole hand into the wall, prompting her to scold, “What are you doing?”

“It's fine!” he retorted, retracting the hand, “It's some kind of defense screen, I think.”

“Like, if we step through we'll go numb and-”

“Stasis!” he shouted, then slammed a hand over his own mouth and gasped. “This is how they knocked us out! They put us in this stuff... somehow,” he added, taking a step back to search along the edges of the wall, “that's why we don't remember anything after-”

“Okay, great...” Emi rasped, turning to look back along the amber tunnel. “Now we have some idea of what happened, but now what?" she asked, trying to make sense of all the nonsense. Relying on Kenji for answers left a bad taste in her mouth, but between the two of them he was the only one with a glimmer of understanding. "We can't go through this wall, right?" she remarked, turning to give Kenji a sidelong glance, "So, do we go back?”

Before Kenji could answer, something caught his eye—which Emi thought was strange, but he also had his targeting scanner engaged—drawing his eyes toward the cave ceiling. Following his glance, she saw the bee from earlier making its way along the cave toward them, seemingly unaware of their presence. Instinctively, she raised her rifle toward the tiny insect, but realized how silly that seemed before she could look down the scope.

“What's it doing here?” she breathed, but Kenji had no answer.

Unheeded, the bee ambled along near the ceiling until it was mere inches from the gelatinous wall. For a moment, Emi thought it would turn back at seeing the dead end, but instead it continued onward, straight into the wall, pushing its whole body through by beating its wings furiously. For a few moments she kept her eyes pinned on the sight, watching it move through the material until it suddenly vanished—faded into nothingness right before her eyes.

The whole experience felt like a dream—like it was just too ridiculous to have actually happened—and she blinked a few times to try and decipher whether she might be hallucinating. Meanwhile, Kenji stepped right up to the wall, apparently trying to find the bee on the other side, but it was gone. After a few silent moments, he turned to her, but the look on his face was anything but encouraging.

“We should follow it,” he suggested with a disturbingly giddy grin, holstering his Beretta and taking another step toward the wall. “It couldn't have gone far...”

“No!” she barked, stopping him in his tracks, “Are you out of your mind?”

“I think I was wrong,” he retorted, looking toward her and grinning, “I've been wrong before.”

Usually Kenji didn't admit to being wrong, so him doing so blatantly was probably a sign he might be right, but Emi was never easily convinced. “So, now what? A second ago this is a stasis field, and now-”

“Transportation,” he interjected, pontificating sharply, “It makes so much more sense!”

“But-”

“Just trust me?”

“Why would I ever-”

“Emi, please, just go with it for once,” he said, plastering a cherubic grin on his typically stern visage.

None of it made sense, but the worst case scenario involved a secluded trip up north where there wouldn't be any witnesses to Kenji's untimely murder. Granted, there was a chance they might be tempting fate by following a glowing bee through a numbing wall, but there were probably worse ways she could have spent her evening—a little numbness might be just what she needed. With a resigned shrug, she groaned and nodded, but held up her hand before he could dive through the wall.

“I'll go first,” she bargained, but Kenji wasn't in any mood to negotiate.

“We go together, or not at all,” he balked, “There's no way I'm letting you see what's on the other side first.”

Whether because she was tired of arguing, or because deep down she thought he was right, she gave another nod and holstered her rifle. The numbing sensation when her fingers ran over the wall seemed strange, but not unpleasant—quite the opposite of unpleasant, really—so she thought that might be a good sign. After one last shared nod, she lifted one of her metal spikes up and pushed it into the wall.

“Remember this is your fault,” she chided, rolling her eyes as he flashed another childish grin.

When her leg was completely inside, and the numbing started to move along her thigh, she almost recoiled, but Kenji was already half way through, so she narrowed her eyes and forced herself forward. Keeping her head out, she drove through the strange material rather quickly, and the weird tingling made her crack a smile. Finally, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes before pulling her head forward.

Almost instantly, the tingling stopped and the material around her seemed to vanish. Too overwhelmed to open her eyes, she stumbled forward and fell to her knees, landing with a clatter—and apparently on dry land. After a few moments, she bolted upright and opened her eyes, immediately looking for the partner she thought had been right next to her, but they weren't anywhere to be seen. Not only that, but the cave seemed to have vanished, or, rather, grown a lot bigger, and the dizzying sight nearly made her fall back again.

“Hello...?” she said, turning up to peer into the vast darkness and listen to her own voice echo off the distant rocks. The view, or something else, made her feel lightheaded, so she turned her eyes back down at the ground. “Is anybody there?” she whispered, “Where... am I?”

She didn't expect an answer, considering how empty the place felt, but there should have been someone with her—someone with glasses. That memory felt like it happened a hundred years ago, though, and she couldn't even remember their name, or face. All she could really remember was the strange amber-colored wall she had stepped through, which seemed to have vanished along with her memory. That wasn't troubling so much as inconvenient, as it seemed she had found herself in someplace totally devoid of life.

That seemed like a bigger problem than forgetting where she came from—or who she was.

Above her there appeared to be a network of platforms crossing in every direction, lit in dim amber light from a strange glowing ball hovering in the distance, and all seeming to go on forever. The only sound came as an incessant, low frequency buzzing—like a bee hive—but it wasn't irritating so much as confusing. Its source was the glowing ball, or so it seemed, but it also moved around her, passed through her, and filled her with a sense of dream-like wonder.

The whole place felt unreal, like a vivid dream, except it wasn't disjointed or confusing as a dream might feel. Even though none of it made any sense, the ground was solid, the air was thick, and every sense told her she was still in reality. The fact that she could no longer remember where she came from, what her name was, or why she was there only seemed to make it seem more real—and terrifying. Although she felt like she was used to strange encounters, the whole situation felt alien and frightening, and she wanted it to be over.

Unfortunately, she had no idea how to find her way out, but standing still seemed like a worse idea. The amber light emanating from the globe was dim, but bright enough to show the rocky ground beneath her feet, so she started walking—if only to give her something else to focus on besides the gigantic, insurmountable vastness. She felt like a child trapped in a giant, empty mall after dark, trudging onward in the hopes that somewhere, someone might find her and show her a way out.

As she walked, she tried to remember what she had been doing, but everything came as short flashes, and none of it made sense. The bespectacled figure she recalled seemed important, though she got the sense this might all be his fault—she wasn't sure why, though. If her equipment was any indicator, she was in some kind of special forces, but she couldn't remember her own name, never mind the organization she worked for, or the people she was working with—or how she'd gotten here.

Her thoughts kept traveling in circles, which she hoped didn't effect her forward march.

The strangest realization came when she looked down and found metal spikes in place of her feet, but it didn't seem to hinder her, so she just shrugged and continued walking. Before long she started feeling tired, but, without any indication of how far she had gone, she wasn't sure whether it was because of how far she'd walked or a result of the oppressive feeling from the strange place she'd found herself.

Deciding it probably didn't matter, she sat down for a breather, taking the moment to inspect the strange artillery she was carrying. Lighter than it looked, the rifle strapped to her back felt right in her hands, and she felt accustomed to its weight—she tried not to think about what that probably meant. Somehow she knew how it worked, and that it wasn't a typical firearm, but she had no idea why she knew that—like she was some kind of sleeper-spy from a Bourne novel.

“Ah! Miss, you really are a hard one to follow,” a pleasant-sounding voice split the silence, and she bolted upright.

Spinning around, she took in the sight with some trepidation. Where there hadn't been a sign of anyone passing by for the last few hours, suddenly there was a man standing there, dressed in a blue uniform of some kind with brass buttons and a black visor, smiling broadly through a well-groomed handlebar mustache. White gloves covered his outstretched hands, and he was slouching slightly to appear less threatening, but she wasn't about to let herself be fooled by a kind smile in a place like this.

“Who're you?” she barked, lifting the rifle to aim at the man's forehead.

“The Conductor, of course,” he replied wistfully, his English speaking voice laden with the slightest hint of a British accent. “Ferryman of the otherworld—I've been trying to find you for the past several hours. Please, you needn't aim that dreadful thing at me—I'm a friend!”

“Friend?” she spat, “I don't even know who I am—how can I know you're a friend.”

Nothing about him seemed the slightest bit familiar, or memorable for that matter. In that moment, she wondered whether she might be aiming her gun at a hallucination, but she shoved that thought aside. Whatever he was, his eyes didn't have the quality of someone who would deceive people intentionally—he looked rather unassuming, actually. That could have been a trick, though, so she decided not to let her first impressions command her actions.

“Because I'm not carrying a weapon, and you're lost,” he retorted, holding his empty hands up a little higher, “See? Now, please, Miss Ibarazaki-”

“Who?” she interrupted, squinting suspiciously at the name—it sounded familiar.

“That's your name, Agent—Emi Ibarazaki,” he replied quickly, the tension in his voice making her realize he wasn't accustomed to stern conversation, “Japanese national, and four year veteran of the organization surreptitiously known as the NPC.”

Her brow furrowed as the description sunk in, and she realized some of what he said made sense, but she still didn't trust him. “How do you know all this?” she demanded, “Who are you?”

“As I said: I am The Conductor—my business is knowing,” he responded, offering a seemingly genuine smile, “There's more, and I'm sure you have plenty of questions, but we need to see to your well-being—passing through a gate when you're not properly attuned often results in disorientation, amnesia, and a number of other maladies, so, please...”

“Why should I trust you?”

“Why shouldn't you?” he retorted, waving his hand dismissively, “You're alone and lost in a vast ocean with no end,” he sent a hand waving about at the vast nothingness, “does it make sense refusing the one lifeline available?”

She still had no reason to trust him, but that didn't make him any less right. With a careful nod, she kept the rifle raised and started following him into the darkness. This Conductor may well have been an enemy, but if he really knew her name, where she was from, and how she got there, it was worth going along with him to find out. The name he called her by—Emi Ibarazaki—sounded right for some reason, and if it turned out he wasn't worth the trust, she still had her rifle.
____________________________________________________________
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In my haste to publish, I forgot to add any closing comments, but, as I write this sentence it occurs to me that I don't have much to say. Obviously I'm making use of amnesia, and I realize that's a bit of a tired trope, but it's not taken lightly--there's reason behind it.
Last edited by Helbereth on Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:39 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: The Kenji Files; Ibarazaki and Setou (Updated 08/08/13)

Post by Gamera Ramen »

Today on The Kenji Files, things get weird and plot shenanigans occur.
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Re: The Kenji Files; Ibarazaki and Setou (Updated 08/08/13)

Post by Hoitash »

Gamera Ramen wrote:Today on The Kenji Files, things get weird and plot shenanigans occur.
I concur, though I consider that a successful day's work :).
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
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Re: The Kenji Files; Ibarazaki and Setou (Updated 08/08/13)

Post by Mirage_GSM »

“Stasis!” he shouted, then slammed a hand over his own mouth and gasped. “This is how they knocked us out! They put us in this stuff... somehow,” he added, taking a step back to search along the edges of the wall, “that's why we don't remember anything after-”

“Okay, great...” Emi rasped, turning to look back along the amber tunnel. “Now we know what happened, so now what?
Okay, Kenji coming up with ridiculous theories is par for the course, but Emi accepting them like that is too much...
...but instead it continued onward, straight into the wall, pushing its whole body through by beating its wings furiously.
If the wall offered so little resistance that a bee can push through it, Emi would have stumbled through earlier, instead of running against it.
looking for the partner she thought had been right next to her, but they weren't anywhere to be seen.
Is she suddenly unsure of Kenji's gender or does she have more than one partner?
Finally, I'd set the section after the transition off from the rest in some way. I usually use a line of "***" in those situations.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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Helbereth
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Re: The Kenji Files; Ibarazaki and Setou (Updated 08/08/13)

Post by Helbereth »

Mirage_GSM wrote:
“Stasis!” he shouted, then slammed a hand over his own mouth and gasped. “This is how they knocked us out! They put us in this stuff... somehow,” he added, taking a step back to search along the edges of the wall, “that's why we don't remember anything after-”

“Okay, great...” Emi rasped, turning to look back along the amber tunnel. “Now we know what happened, so now what?
Okay, Kenji coming up with ridiculous theories is par for the course, but Emi accepting them like that is too much...
Perhaps I ought to explain in the exposition, but she's mostly just going along with it because he's the only one who even has an idea.
...but instead it continued onward, straight into the wall, pushing its whole body through by beating its wings furiously.
If the wall offered so little resistance that a bee can push through it, Emi would have stumbled through earlier, instead of running against it.
Ah, see that's not an incongruity. The bee is attuned to move through the wall while Emi and Kenji are not--The Conductor mentions something about being properly attuned later in the narrative.
looking for the partner she thought had been right next to her, but they weren't anywhere to be seen.
Is she suddenly unsure of Kenji's gender or does she have more than one partner?
It's disorientation, numbness, and a touch of amnesia hitting her all at once. She remembers someone being there, and that they're associated somehow, but can't even put a face on Kenji, much less a gender.
Finally, I'd set the section after the transition off from the rest in some way. I usually use a line of "***" in those situations.
That would make sense if there were a time delay of some kind, but she steps through and appears in the otherworld instantly--the memory loss occurs the moment she gets her head through the wall.
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