Hanako/Hisao post-Yamaku (Updated 1/2/14)

[pandaphil]

We've all been focusing on what Hisao is going to get Hanako. But this is meant to be a anneversery party, so wouldn't Hanako be getting Hisao something? I wonder what?

I have a few ideas, but I'd love some suggestions. If anyone out there has an idea for a good Hanako to Hisao gift, could you IM me please?

[Harrison]

Just finished reading all that's posted. Thanks for helping me get here, and I really like what I've read. I can't wait for the next pats. Also, the dialog seems to be realistic, so good job.

[Lemmy7003]

Very much loving this, can't wait to see more of it!

Keep up the truly excellent work!

[Shail]

*peeps*

Do I spy a Hanako fanfic that's unfinished?

"Heartattack" (Pun not intended...)

[Hanako Nakai]

Here, have my compliments, and my Whahahahahaha~! XD

[pandaphil]

Thanks guys. Real lifes been kicking my butt lately, so I just haven't had the heart to continue with my writing. But I promise I'll get back to it soon. It's really nice to get some positive feedback though. I was wondering if anyone really liked this.

I admit I had several long chapters planned, with Hisao going to get the present, then the dinner date, followed by the finale. But I think I might just compress all that into one long chapter. I have lots of notes and outlines written. I just have to expand them.

[Hanako Nakai]

Based on what you've said.. You just gave me a hea-HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! XD

[Sea]

Thanks guys. Real lifes been kicking my butt lately, so I just haven't had the heart to continue with my writing. But I promise I'll get back to it soon. It's really nice to get some positive feedback though. I was wondering if anyone really liked this.

I admit I had several long chapters planned, with Hisao going to get the present, then the dinner date, followed by the finale. But I think I might just compress all that into one long chapter. I have lots of notes and outlines written. I just have to expand them.

There can never be enough feedback for this. It's amazing, and I think you, more than any other writer of Hanako I've seen really addressees the mental state she's in. Most have her forget all that and live happily ever after but your's feels more . . . . real. Really hoping you continue this, Re-Reading it (Agian) As we speak.

[Shail]

Yeah, I would like to write a hanako fanfic but I know I won't be able to get her behaviour across properly, the shyness, stuttering, and mental conflicts are not my specialty.

[pandaphil]

Well, I can't claim to be much of an expert on human nature. I have Sisterhood, and many of Guest Posters thoughts to thank for understandign her personality. And I'm still not 100% certain I understand her.

I gues sit also helps that I'm a lot like her. Teased a lot when I was young, so I tend to be shy, and and a bit cynical toward strangers. I know its not something thats going to be cured by meetign the right person. But still, she knows she has problems and wants to improve herself for he rown happiness, and to make herself more attractive to Hisao.

And of course, I just couldn't bear to break up the Hanako/Lilly friendship.

[ewx]

Loving this so far. Noticed a few typos scattered around the chapters though.

(Also, is coffee really safe for Hisao? I thought it was supposed to cause short term effects in the heart or something...)

All she can do is nod, starign at the floor.

Typo alert (or a word I am not familiar with ).

Not that its that difficult.

Should that be it's as it's a contraction?
There are a few other cases where the apostrophe for the contraction has been omitted like more its instead of it's and shes instead of she's.
This is oddly surprising as you do use the contraction apostrophe correctly in some other cases.
I'd suggest 'Ctrl + F'-ing the contractions without apostrophes as I'm not going to find them all for you. Indeed, this gripe was written for one of the earlier chapters but I'm seeing it again in later chapters.

Tenderly I reach out, and rest my hands on her sides...

If you are using 'and', why do you need a comma there? The first clause seems like it should encompass the second clause there too.

...more than enough to pay for crappy little apartment

Either this needs a word between 'for' and 'crappy' or I'm going to continue reading that chapter as Niko from GTA 4.

...splattering tea all over.

Not sure if there is supposed to be a word after 'over'. Could go either way on this one.

...in our stocking or bare feet.

Not quite sure what went wrong here. Stockings are typically worn on both feet, necessitating the use of the plural 'stockings'. You wouldn't say 'in sock or bare feet'.
Due to the 'or' you've put that, it might be as well to say 'stockinged' feet if you are referring to the state of clothing on the feet (bare or with stockings/stockinged).

...breathing I small puffs.

Breathing in?

...unball her fists til we're...

I think you can use 'til or till there but I don't think just 'til' works there.

By now the showers off,

shower's ?

...wrappe dup...

Either my French is awful or that's a typo.

...demurelyagainst...

Typo?

It take me a minute come fully awake and realize I'm hearing the sounds of water running in the bathroom sink and Hanako crying.

I don't know what to make of this sentence. Since it's in the present tense, it should be 'takes me a minute' and I've never heard 'come fully awake' used anywhere. If it was my writing, I'd replace 'come' with 'to'.

aggrivated

aggravated

"I'd hate the think..."

I'd hate to think?

[pandaphil]

Loving this so far. Noticed a few typos scattered around the chapters though.

You've given me a very busy afternoon.

[dewelar]

...in our stocking or bare feet.

Not quite sure what went wrong here. Stockings are typically worn on both feet, necessitating the use of the plural 'stockings'. You wouldn't say 'in sock or bare feet'.
Due to the 'or' you've put that, it might be as well to say 'stockinged' feet if you are referring to the state of clothing on the feet (bare or with stockings/stockinged).

I wonder if this is a dialect thing. Both my mother and grandmother used to talk about people running around in their "stocking feet". An odd turn of phrase, agreed, but not totally unheard of (unless my family was just weird, which is certainly plausible ).

[ewx]

...in our stocking or bare feet.

Not quite sure what went wrong here. Stockings are typically worn on both feet, necessitating the use of the plural 'stockings'. You wouldn't say 'in sock or bare feet'.
Due to the 'or' you've put that, it might be as well to say 'stockinged' feet if you are referring to the state of clothing on the feet (bare or with stockings/stockinged).

I wonder if this is a dialect thing. Both my mother and grandmother used to talk about people running around in their "stocking feet". An odd turn of phrase, agreed, but not totally unheard of (unless my family was just weird, which is certainly plausible ).

I would not be entirely surprised if this was a dialect thing.
My dialect is just pure Standard British English, so if this is just American English, please excuse the correction.

The way I see it, stockings are just thinner, longer socks, and I'd never say 'sock feet'.

Loving this so far. Noticed a few typos scattered around the chapters though.

You've given me a very busy afternoon.

lol

I'm surprised a proofreader (if you have them) did not pick up on any of those. I wasn't looking for mistakes but I found them just reading through.


I definitely enjoy this Hanako story though, it's a welcome change to just have a fluffy story. So many of the fics I've recently read about Hanako are so depressing.

(Incidentally, in the first post the sentence with the word fluffy in starts with 'ts' which I assume is supposed to be "It's"? I'll stop correcting things now )

[dewelar]

I wonder if this is a dialect thing. Both my mother and grandmother used to talk about people running around in their "stocking feet". An odd turn of phrase, agreed, but not totally unheard of (unless my family was just weird, which is certainly plausible ).

I would not be entirely surprised if this was a dialect thing.
My dialect is just pure Standard British English, so if this is just American English, please excuse the correction.

The way I see it, stockings are just thinner, longer socks, and I'd never say 'sock feet'.

Indeed, my mom's family is from Connecticut. I don't know how wide the usage is, as I don't recall whether or not I've heard the phrase outside of that context.