Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 04/30/16 ~ recommitted to completion.

[Helbereth]

Not as any acronyms that I've seen, no. Of course, others may feel free to correct me.

I think RTG was the first acronym I ever learned, in like second grade--back in 1987ish (aka the stone age). Before I ever even heard things like FBI, CIA, or TGRI.

[Mirage_GSM]

To be honest I think there was far too much of a focus on sex in this chapter.

There are reasons--beyond the physical--why that's the case, though.

Well, the problem is there apparently have been "reasons beyond the physical" for the past half dozen chapters or so...

Yes, well, if you think about it, where else would their parting really take place considering it's Japan?

Funny you should phrase it that way...
I was going to mention it anyway: Considering it's Japan, they would probably part ways before they got to the platform, since you usually don't get to the platform without a valid ticket.
At smaller stations the ticket check is at the entrance of the station, and it is possible to enter and later leave by paying the minimum fare (about 200Yen).
The long-distance platforms are usually behind an additional barrier. I'm not completely sure if you can get there as well. They use different tickets, and I never tried to go to one of those platforms just for fun. I never saw any travellers saying their goodbyes there, though.

You're writing in English, so write the English word. Bullet train.

"Shinkansen" doesn't mean "Bullet Train", though. It's a name, and in general I think names should not be translated.
The literal meaning of Shinkansen is "New Trunk-Line", and it was originally only used for the network until it came to encompass the trains as well.

Is "Ready to go" somehow not common texting vernacular?

I'm no expert on text-message abbreviations. I never sent them before I had a smartphone, and now that I have one, I can type out the complete word without going insane in the process. Still, I had no trouble figuring out the meaning from the context.

Oh, and before I forget:

OT: Why the no-smiling rule on German IDs?

Chancing a guess: nobody is smiling when you arrest them, and smiling also contorts your face so you might look different to someone reviewing the image.

Those IDs have nothing to do with being arrested or not. The requirement is simply to facilitate automatic recognition by computers.
It's supposed to be a "full-frontal" picture with a "neutral expression" and closed mouth.
Many other countries (Austria, Switzerland, UK, Canada etc.) have similar requirements.

By the way, I found a better link.

[Silentcook]

Holy freaking crap.

When the size of the comments ends up breaking the page, you know there's a Problem.

I kindasorta blame Scissorlips for making people mistakenly believe that "2mnywurds" means "good". :p

ANYWAY. The quoting, go much easier on it. Or else it gets the hose again. ಠ_ಠ

[Oddball]

One thing I've noticed that isn't mention in the post length warning is that the forum is set up to display 15 posts per page, regardless of their size. So if a page already has 13 or 14 replies and they're rather long, you might want to hold back on adding your own super long reply for a post or two.

[Helbereth]

Yes, well, if you think about it, where else would their parting really take place considering it's Japan?

Funny you should phrase it that way...

I kind of guessed something like that would be the case, but I think a little suspension of disbelief is in order. While Hisao got his ticket checked, Aiko could easily have paid that small fee in the interim, or Hisao could have. It's also possible the gate you mention is positioned beyond the point where they were standing, or perhaps I could change it so he's tripping through the turnstiles instead of almost falling over a bench as he's headed for the train.

A lot of this ends up being guesswork.

The literal meaning of Shinkansen is "New Trunk-Line", and it was originally only used for the network until it came to encompass the trains as well.

See, this I did not know, but definitely makes me feel better about using "Shinkansen". I figured there had to be a reason it's capitalized everywhere I found it... if it's a pronoun, that makes it no different than using people's names, or a word like "Famicom" and "Gamecube".

By the way, I tried to downplay their gaming as much as possible--it's a background activity, after all. Being specific about what they're playing is more so I can describe what she's doing, and has almost nothing to do with the story.

Also, does anyone think the thought-bubble would make more sense if I called her 'Lucca' instead of the Japanese 'Rukka' (and, yes, it's definitely Chrono Trigger she's referencing)? She had pink hair under that helmet, and then with the glasses... seemed like a decent allegory for Aiko.

Holy freaking crap.

Sorry, boss. One thing I thought might help is to ask if people could send 'corrections' to my PM inbox instead of long, quote-heavy replies, and use the thread for more subjective commentary.

If I miss a comma, misspell a word, use capitalization improperly, or other structural errors, drop those in a PM. Commenting on more subjective stuff like Aiko's brain farts, the disconnect between her thoughts and actions, and stuff like that, or commentary on vernacular like Shinkansen, or cultural incongruities and such--things that are open to discussion--are more appropriate for thread comments.

I would have mentioned this sooner, but I don't want to tell people how to comment--I kind of fear they might stop commenting if I get too militant.

Also, I don't think I recall Oddball ever commenting here... welcome!

[Oddball]

Also, I don't think I recall Oddball ever commenting here... welcome!

I'm trying to catch back up with my reading. ... Actually the comment was due to me clicking the last page instead of the first page on the topic and seeing the talk about comments being too long.

I'll let you know more when I get through the story and catch up with everybody else.

Also, does anyone think the thought-bubble would make more sense if I called her 'Lucca' instead of the Japanese 'Rukka' (and, yes, it's definitely Chrono Trigger she's referencing)? She had pink hair under that helmet, and then with the glasses... seemed like a decent allegory for Aiko.

I think the reference gets lost when you stick with the Japanese version of the name. "Rukka" just isn't as well known a name as "Lucca." We already accept that these characters are speaking Japanese instead of English, so going with the more well known name just means more people are actually going to know what you're talking about. You wouldn't say "Demon Castle Dracula" or "Akumajō Dracula" when you're talking about Castlevania, would you?

[Helbereth]

I'll let you know more when I get through the story and catch up with everybody else.

Cool.

'Lucca' vs 'Rukka'

I think the reference gets lost when you stick with the Japanese version of the name... ...You wouldn't say "Demon Castle Dracula" or "Akumajō Dracula" when you're talking about Castlevania, would you?

The reason I had trouble deciding is the same reason Aiko calls it a Famicom, rather than a Nintendo--she simply knows the character as Rukka. While it's probably easier for my audience to understand Lucca as the source character, Aiko calling her that--especially in a thought-bubble--would be a twinge OOC... [sigh] I'm damned either way. I did give the reference three points of triangulation, though... I referenced a Famicom when she talks about Masa and Mune, and later mentioned the pink-haired Rukka. Separately, they might get confused, but I think as a trinity they narrow down the possible source material well enough... each reference works off the other two.

This is the kind of internal musing that keeps me awake at night...

[neio]

Don't be—it's not your fault...

Augh, AUGH! I have no problem with this being in the story, as it's a fairly common thing to say, but I hate it when people say it. "Sorry" can be an apology or an expression of sympathy. By saying "it's not your fault," you're rejecting their expression of sympathy rather than being grateful. They know it's not their fault; why do you feel the need to tell them explicitly?
[/rant]

If I said I put that in just to make you pop a blood vessel, would that suffice?

But...

I made adjustments based on your PM as well--I'm surprised there were so few, honestly.

A combination of failure on my part and success on yours

To be honest I think there was far too much of a focus on sex in this chapter.

There are reasons--beyond the physical--why that's the case, though.

Well, the problem is there apparently have been "reasons beyond the physical" for the past half dozen chapters or so...

Yeah this. Also, I might be the strange one, but recounting like this

“How could I forget?” I coo affectionately, recalling our earlier escapade. “Your desk, one broken pencil, two shattered jewel-cases, and I came three times~!” I recount, patting his shoulder in gratitude before finishing, “Then you got me all cleaned up, before getting us dirty again in the shower,” I flit my eyebrows lovingly, “then we got cleaned up again... and I can think of no more satisfying way to start the day!”

seems odd even in real life and rather unnecessary in fiction.

[Oddball]

The reason I had trouble deciding is the same reason Aiko calls it a Famicom, rather than a Nintendo--she simply knows the character as Rukka. While it's probably easier for my audience to understand Lucca as the source character, Aiko calling her that--especially in a thought-bubble--would be a twinge OOC... [sigh] I'm damned either way.

I think you're missing my point. She's not calling it that. Your translating it as that.

We're aware she's speaking Japanese, yet we're reading it in English, so using the English word for something has nothing to do with her being in character or not.

[Helbereth]

Yeah this. Also, I might be the strange one, but recounting like this

Aiko's overly descriptive dialogue.

seems odd even in real life and rather unnecessary in fiction.

Ah, see, in the context of the scene, she's being overly descriptive intentionally. She's trying to goad him into continuing their escapade now that he's assured her it isn't because of his heart. I probably ought to note that in the exposition, actually.

Other than that, I've already established Aiko isn't shy about making her desires known in private, and isn't above being tricky to get what she wants--she takes her shirt off before he even gets back with the coffee earlier in the chapter, and that's just a recent example. There's a method to the madness of the last six chapters. Y'all need to have some faith!

I think you're missing my point. She's not calling it that. Your translating it as that.

Got me there, I guess. No doubt there's a different name for Jiggly Puff in Japan as well--or I assume so, anyway. Famicom stays, though.

[Oddball]

I think you're missing my point. She's not calling it that. Your translating it as that.

Got me there, I guess. No doubt there's a different name for Jiggly Puff in Japan as well--or I assume so, anyway. Famicom stays, though.

The Japanese name is Purin; that doesn't sound nearly as neat as Jigglypuff.

[demonix]

Holy freaking crap.

When the size of the comments ends up breaking the page, you know there's a Problem.

I kindasorta blame Scissorlips for making people mistakenly believe that "2mnywurds" means "good". :p

ANYWAY. The quoting, go much easier on it. Or else it gets the hose again. ಠ_ಠ

This page breaking problem seems to be isolated to firefox as safari and google chrome don't show this problem (and the previous page is still broken just at the end).

[Helbereth]

This page breaking problem seems to be isolated to firefox as safari and google chrome don't show this problem (and the previous page is still broken just at the end).

I've never actually experienced this 'page-breaking' issue in any browser, so, to me, it's a ghost story.

[Steinherz]

This page breaking problem seems to be isolated to firefox as safari and google chrome don't show this problem (and the previous page is still broken just at the end).

I've never actually experienced this 'page-breaking' issue in any browser, so, to me, it's a ghost story.

^
Ditto.

[Mirage_GSM]

I'm using firefox, and I never noticed it either.
Has to be some other reason...