Fan-made sequel writing.

[marinehawk2012]

My friend and I started writing just a tad bit. Can't say it's the best work we've done, but we have been getting some good feedback on it.

Anyway, we have started writing our ideas of sequels for each of the main 5 characters. These sequels include:

Roughly 2-3 acts that continue off the main storyline.
Character dialogue
A handful of new characters that interact with our protagonist.

We are currently working with Emi at the moment. We do plan to do a fan-made sequel for each character. We do know that many people have their own ideas of how they see the future with the characters. These are our opinions of how we see the future unfold with each character.

Hope you all enjoy!

Please support us as we continue to write these! It will helps us to keep up the work.

-Hawk2

[Carighan]

May I suggest changing the images and colours on the blog to something more reading-friendly?

[marinehawk2012]

We will be finishing up the fifth act with Emi shortly. If you want to know exactly when we post the last scene, you should check out the facebook page we made. Also, the page will serve as a medium with you guys. We will be posting questions, uploading sketches of characters, and being random. This will be the best way to stay up to date on our work, as i tend to forget to make an announcement on forums...sorry about that.

Anyway, if anyone is interested in following our work, here is the link for the page.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Hawk2zer0 ... 696?ref=hl

Thanks guys!

-Hawk2

Edit:

Act 5 is finished and we are continuing to work into Act 6. More announcements and content on the page.

[griffon8]

I was interested in reading this mostly because I'm planning on writing my own version of an Emi continuation. We already have excellent continuations of Hanako, Lilly, and Shizune. There have been good stories taking place after Emi and Rin good ends, but nothing going multiple chapters and of recognized quality.

I am sorry to say that your story won't yet be overshadowing other attempts at writing an Emi continuation.

1. Written in VN format.

• Too many homophone mistakes.

• Multiple presentation styles—I assume it's because there are two writers—continues the poor style.

• The writing just seems uninspired, like you have scenes you need to write but no passion for connecting them to each other.

• The sex scene was barely above IKEA Erotica.

• I know Hisao does some stupid things, but how he ran the race was way beyond stupid, and I'm not talking about forgetting his medication. For his first race he should be looking to finish, not win. Take it slow. It's his first race!

• This is the most minor of my points here, but it bears mentioning. The race itself: is it a 5K, or a marathon? Marathons are a set distance: 26 miles, 385 yards, or 42.195 kilometers. A 5K race is 5 kilometers, not 5 miles. If Hisao is running 3 miles on a regular basis, he's running about 4.83 kilometers already.

Ditch the VN style, make it more consistent, have plausible drama instead of people needing the Idiot Ball, and this can be made better.

[marinehawk2012]

As we (zer0 and myself) know, our amateur writing needs some major assistance.

To respond to your list:

1) We have preferred this style as it is one of the most familiar styles for us to write in.

2) We've been looking into getting an editor to help us out. The two of us are not fantastic in our English (with zer0 being Japanese with Broken English and myself with a dominant Spanish-Asian background).

3) I believe that with an editor, we can resolve this issue.

4) I'm not sure what you mean...we have inspiration. I believe that we had time passing as the main idea.

5) Understood. We'll work to make those better. This guideline will definitely help us in that aspect.

6) He was planning to test how well he has improved over the time with him. He was never looking to win, he made it sound like it to give an impression of competition.

7) Another reason why we need an editor...

Thanks for the comments! We will try to adjust what we see fit. If we can get ourselves a few more people to help, we can probably write the other characters.

-Hawk2 and zer0

[Mirage_GSM]

Okay, had a short look at the first two chapters.
I agree with pretty much everything griffon said (that applies to the first two chapters.)
Additionally:
- My pet peeve: Keep your tenses straight. You're switching between past and present tense a few times.
- I find it pretty unlikely that there would be a university in the small town where Yamaku is located.

[marinehawk2012]

Mirage,

With your points,

1) This is kinda why we still need an editor.

2) The university that Emi and Hisao go to is in the city near the town. If you recall in KS, there was a few scenes where Hisao went to the city (With Lilly, Akira and Hanako is one example). It is located there and not in the town near Yamaku.

-zer0

[griffon8]

Pretty sure that's the same city Rin's atelier and Emi's mom are located.

[marinehawk2012]

Pretty sure that's the same city Rin's atelier and Emi's mom are located.

Precisely the place!

The biggest thing that many people should know is that cities in Japan generally are very large in comparison to US cities. For example, the city I live in, Yamagata (which Yamagata University is located in as well [there are 5 campuses throughout Yamagata]), is quite large.


-zer0

[Mirage_GSM]

The biggest thing that many people should know is that cities in Japan generally are very large in comparison to US cities.

You do realize that doesn't make any sense, don't you?

[marinehawk2012]

The biggest thing that many people should know is that cities in Japan generally are very large in comparison to US cities.

You do realize that doesn't make any sense, don't you?

I'm about as confused as you are with zer0's statement there...

-Hawk2

[neio]

The biggest thing that many people should know is that cities in Japan generally are very large in comparison to US cities.

You do realize that doesn't make any sense, don't you?

I'm about as confused as you are with zer0's statement there...

-Hawk2

It distills to "Japan has some big cities."

[marinehawk2012]

We have finished the sixth act of our story.

Act 7 is now underway and will be released as we move on.

-zer0