Newton's Laws (Mutou fic)

[Nerdguy]

Hello, this is my first post in this forums and my first KS fanfiction.
This fanfic is about none other than Akio Mutou, the awesome looking physics teacher and homeroom teacher of class 3-3
So without further ado, I'll just post it here

EDIT: I took the time to edit my original post properly. The messy, rushed, and unedited one is here


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Act 1 part 1

I park my car and enter the school grounds, I make my way to the faculty building, along the way many students have started their morning activities, It's still 30 minutes before class starts, so it's not surprising that they took their time to jog, study, eat, or just hang out with friends in the morning air. Yamaku is certainly not in shortage of potential spots for activities. The entire school grounds are either covered in its classical style building or beautiful green landscape, providing a lot of space for those that needs them.

I enter the faculty building and make my way to my desk at the teacher's office. I greet several other staff members along the way and set down my stuff at my desk.

As I prepare some papers for class I remember what I need to do today, I rise from my seat and turn to leave the teacher's office, as I walk to the door a familiar face greets me as he enters the room.

"Good morning Akio." He greets me

"Good morning Kizo." I replied
In front of me stands Kizo Bakura, coffee in hand, he is a small built man with a straight face, short brown hair, glasses, and a neatly kept facial hair. He is 2 years older than me, but I'm slightly taller than him. He works here as a math teacher. We’ve been friends shortly after I started working at Yamaku.

"So, still want to go get a couple of drinks tonight?" He asked me

"Sure, 9 PM at the usual place?" I answered

"Yeah, want to have a match of chess before class?"

"Nah, I need to get to the head nurse to get some files, there's a new student in class 3-3."

"I see, I guess I'll see you later then, you can't keep that man waiting for too long." he said with a playful tone before walking past me to his desk

I continue to walk towards the head nurse office, I knock three times at his door to signal my arrival. "Come in" I hear the voice from behind the door
I enter the room and find him sitting behind his desk, working on some papers. His cheerful looking face, purple hair, and playful nature can be annoying sometimes. However he is very friendly to others and he is always smart and serious when his work needs him, even though his looks might deceive some people.

"Ah, Mutou. Here are the files of the newest arrival to your class, please be nice and put on a smile to make him feel welcome." He said with a grin in his usual teasing tone

"I'll tell him that I won't bite, can't say the same for you though. Anything else?"

"Just send him here today, I would prefer having him this morning but since you and him are both late, I guess after classes are fine"

"Alright then"

With all that done, I leave his office.
I did kind of overslept since I couldn't sleep last night having a nightmare about that moment again. It was a dark night, and ... I don't want to think about it

I focus my thoughts elsewhere and head back to the teacher's office. I glanced at the front of the file in my hands, Hisao Nakai... I try to remember his name and face, considering how I almost forget to meet the Nurse this morning, leaving a confused new student waiting in an empty hallway is the last thing I want to do. I can read it later; I put the file in my bag and grab it before heading to the main building.

The hallway is crowded as usual, I try to spot any confused looking new face among the crowd, but there doesn't seem to be any. He's supposed to wait for me here, so I assume that he is running a little late.
The bell rings, signaling the start of morning class.
The hallway empties quickly; leaving me standing alone in front of the building's entrance, other than the occasional staff or late student, the hallway is completely quiet.

I wait, there's no bench or anything to sit on in this hallway and I have no intention to sit on the floor, so I stand there leaning against the wall, waiting. I check my watch again, it's thirteen minutes since the start of class, everything just seems longer when you have nothing to do. Hopefully he isn't late because he's thoroughly inspecting the front gate and seeing it as an emotional life changer or something.
I guess I'm thinking too far on that.

I glance at my watch; it's almost 20 minutes since class started. I remember that I haven't read his files yet other than finding out his name and face, before I could grab it from my bag, a figure entered the building. Recognizing his face I approached him and...

...

Damn, what was his name again? "You must be Ni… Na.. Niki?" I embarrassingly asked
"Nakai" he answered

Nakai? Nakai… Oh right, Hisao Nakai

I give him a welcome greeting and introduce myself, not forgetting to tell him to see the nurse later. I asked him whether or not would he want to introduce himself to class, a weird question for such a normal behavior, but I know some people might have certain conditions that render them unable to express themselves in front of people, or just downright shy.

He agreed to introduce himself to class, a little puzzled by my question, but we shrugged it off and proceed to walk upstairs. I approach the door to the classroom, the sign reads 3-3. I open the door and enter the classroom.

"Good morning everyone, sorry I'm late again." I announce in front of the class

Hisao paused for a moment at the door, before following me into the classroom. He looks around the classroom for a while, trying to get familiar with the change of environment from his old school, I reckon. I gave a short introduction speech of him to the class.

"…please welcome our newest classmate" I said to close my speech to let him introduce himself, clapping my hands in applause which the rest of the class soon follows.

After the applause and a short silence, he introduced himself to the class. He speaks rather awkwardly, but I understand his nervousness. As he went silent I picked up where I left off, talking about how they should get along with him. Another round of applause came as I ended my speech.

I turn to Nakai to tell him about today's group work, and told him to work with the class representative, Hakamichi. Working with her should give him a chance to talk to others and ask any questions about the school.

I feel like I'm forgetting something…

Whatever, I passed away the day's assignments to the class and announce that they will be working in groups for today. As the class started to find their groups, I notice Nakai's helpless expression…

…

Oh right, He is new, and he doesn't know who's who. I point him out to Hakamichi, he moves and took the seat next to Mikado.

There's something important that I seem to forget.

I shrugged it off

As the groups started their work, a familiar loud laughter echoes throughout the classroom. I watch as Nakai converse with Mikado and Hakamichi, probably confused by Hakamichi's condition and how Mikado co-exists with her.

Speaking of which, I forgot to tell that to him

Then I remembered about his files in my back, I grabbed it and start reading it.

Name: Hisao Nakai, then there's the usual birth date, address, blood type, and some information on his family. What I'm really looking for is his special condition: Arrhythmia, it seems.

...

Actually I have no idea what arrhythmia is.

I fail to realize that there's actually a hard to miss note from the nurse in the file detailing the specifics of arrhythmia: a rare condition which makes his heart weak, incurable, unpredictable, and could kill him at any moment.

I shudder at the thought of living with that much burden. A slight overreaction of his heart, or a slight bump to his chest could

His previous grades in science are excellent. His time in the hospital could potentially hinder his progress, however. Moving to a new school at this time is rather unfortunate. Hopefully he'll be able to catch up with everything he missed and still keep up with all the new information.

It's like sleeping throughout classes, you're missing a lot of the previous lesson you slept through, and it's difficult to catch up next time. Except this time you sleep for the last few months. I think back to my times at high school where I slept through most of history classes, something I regret doing at the exams.

Then I remember there's poor sleepy Suzuki in this class, her narcolepsy preventing her to stay awake for a long time and can drop back to sleep anytime.

Nakai can drop dead at any time. Better keep an eye on that one for sure.



Class ends without anyone dying. I saw Nakai being dragged away by the student council duo as I head out of the room, making new friends, I guess.

I head back to the teacher's office to have some lunch.

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Sandwich, delicious tasty sandwich I eye my sandwich thoroughly before taking it bite after bite, savoring every bite with great delight as it slowly fills my empty stomach. The taste of meat, lettuce, onions, and tomatoes as I crunch them, the sweet taste of mayonnaise, and...

...

A pair of eyes looks at me from the desk of an English teacher at the other side of the room.

The pair of eyes belongs to none other than Mari Namura. Her green eyes meets mine, she replies the gesture with a friendly smile.

"Enjoying the meal, Mutou?"

"Yeah, but I should really learn to make something other than these sandwiches."

She lets out a small giggle

"You could always ask me if you need any help with cooking, you know!" She said in her usual playful tone

My cheeks turn red. Her green eyes, long orange hair, and her face all comes together to form the word 'beautiful'.

And cute

The bell rings, breaking our conversation.

"That was fast. Well, see you later Mutou."

She said as she picks up her bag and leave the room I checked my schedule, I'm supposed to teach at class 3-4 now. I grab my bag and leave for the main building.

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Alright, classes are over for today. I leave the classroom and head downstairs, as I head towards the exit, a hand grabbed me on my shoulder. Startled, I turn around to see a man with a smile on his face.

"Tonight, remember?" Kizo said as I look at him

"How can I forget?"

Fuck me, but I did forget about it.

"I know you better than anyone else, Akio."

He grabs my phone from my pocket and set and alarm at 8:30 PM with a note to remind me where I'm supposed to be 30 minutes after that. He puts my phone back at my pocket.

"See you later" He said with a grin

Both of us left the building and went separate ways shortly afterwards. I return to my car and drive back to my apartment.

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Finally, all done on the desk in front of me are several piles of group works from today, each pile for different classes. There's also some pizza I ordered earlier.

Come to think of it, they also double as my homework. Reading all of them and then scoring them is hard work, Hakamichi's group was easy with all answers correct and Mikado's nice handwriting. The others though, not so much. Miura's group had almost all answers wrong, but they kept the paper clean, so it's still readable. Taro's group in the other hand had somehow filled the paper with long messy formulas and still end up with most of them being wrong.

I took another slice of pizza from the box next to the piles and quickly finish it. I'm not hungry anymore. I glanced at the pizza box to see that there's still three slices left, I grabbed the box and put it inside the fridge. I'm just heat it up with the microwave if I'm hungry later...

...

Last week's pizzas are still in here, two slices left.

I let out a sigh.

I took all the pizzas to one box and throw away the other empty box.

Just as I'm finished cleaning up, my phone alarm rings, reminding me about my plan with Kizo. I didn't forget about it yet, but I guess you'll never know when men in black would burst in my apartment and make me forget about all of it. Not that it takes that much effort to make me forget about things.

I changed out of my t-shirt to a comfortable brown polo shirt and blue jeans.

My apartment is average for the needs of one man to live, one bedroom, one bathroom, a living room with enough space for a small kitchen, a TV, a comfy sofa, and a good-sized table.

I decide that I'll just be there early so I don't end up dozing off on the sofa as I wait, I went to my car and drive away at a relaxing pace.

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It took around 10 minutes to get here from my apartment, I parked my car in front of the bar. Just as I was locking the doors however, a text message from Kizo appeared on my phone.

"Can't make it, there's way more work than I expected and I fell asleep on my chair twice already, sorry. How about Friday?"

Just when I'm here early.

Since I'm here already, there's no point in heading back now. Kizo and I usually drink on weekends where there's not a lot of attention needed to be paid to schoolwork. Sometimes we also drink at weekdays right after school ended, but that always ends up with both of us being too drunk and too late to do any work at home, leaving us with a lot of work to do at school day. Our plan for today was that we can drink later in the night so we could finish up schoolwork before having fun all night, but work finds its way to piss us off.

I enter the building and went straight to the bar.

"Beer" I said to the bartender which I'm rather familiar with at this point, but can never seem to remember his name at all. He nods and return with a glass of beer shortly afterwards.

As I enjoy my beer, a figure entered through the door. His- no, her red eyes, blonde hair, and how she could easily be mistaken as a man in that suit draws my attention. She took off her suit and tie and hang them on one of her shoulders, she took the spot right next to me and call for the bartender. "Beer" Her rather masculine but still even more feminine voice said to the bartender

He did the same thing he did when I asked for the same thing. I turn my attention to the woman next to me. She comes here often, more often than me I guess.

Her eyes caught mine, embarrassed, I look away as my face turns red.

"How's it going?" Her voice startled me, we never spoke to each other before, we look at each other, and she’s waiting for me to respond.

Pull your shit together Akio, neither one of us wants this awkward moment to continue. Say something!

"Sorry, what?"
Fuck myself

"Oh, it just seems that you've taken an interest in me as soon as I entered this place." She said before looking away

Silence takes over again, but I gather the courage to respond.

"A friend of mine is supposed to be here with me, but all the work exhausted him to sleep." I broke the silence

She looks back at me

"What does he do for a living?"

"We're both teachers."

"Try me."

That statement confused me; it took a while for my brain to process it. A while longer to process the response.

"Newton's third law states that when a first body exerts a force F1 on a second body, the second body simultaneously exerts a force F2 equals negative F1 on the first body. This means that F1 and F2 are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction."
I have no idea why I picked that of all things, but hopefully it's enough to satisfy her.

She looks at me for a while; the puzzled expression in her face seems to indicate that it was enough. It's kind of cute too

"How about you?" I asked her She didn't say anything for a while, but she came up with a response faster than I do.

"Dumped my boyfriend today, I thought he's perfect for me, turns out he's a pain in the ass all along." She said as she keeps drinking her beer

I didn't expect to hear that.

We continue drinking in silence. By the time I'm done with my third glass, she's done on her fourth. I didn't plan to get too drunk, so I'd better stop before-

"How much more can you take?" She suddenly broke the silence

"I didn't bring a lot of money, and I didn't plan on spending it all on drinks anyway." I answered She pulls out some money from her pocket and slide it them me. She looks at me with eyes that say 'are you up for a challenge?’

I can't resist free drinks, and I'm sure as hell won't let me lose to this woman without a fight.

I took the money from her and ordered more beer. She looks at me with an excited grin and motions the bartender for more beer.

I didn't remember much after that.

[Mirage_GSM]

Somehow I have the feeling this is supposed to be Akira, but the age difference is a bit...

Well, anyway there are a few things you could improve in your writing, but for now your biggest problem by far are tenses: You switch between past and present more often than Doctor Who in an average season, sometimes more than once in the same sentence.
Try to keep to one tense. I recommend present, since I believe it's easier, but it's really up to you as long as you keep it consistent.

There are a few other problems with verb-forms, e.g. "I glances at the pizza box", and the punctuation is a bit off in a few cases, but get the tenses straight and you're on the right track.

[Nerdguy]

Somehow I have the feeling this is supposed to be Akira, but the age difference is a bit...

Well, anyway there are a few things you could improve in your writing, but for now your biggest problem by far are tenses: You switch between past and present more often than Doctor Who in an average season, sometimes more than once in the same sentence.
Try to keep to one tense. I recommend present, since I believe it's easier, but it's really up to you as long as you keep it consistent.

There are a few other problems with verb-forms, e.g. "I glances at the pizza box", and the punctuation is a bit off in a few cases, but get the tenses straight and you're on the right track.

Damn, I wrote this on my phone during my free time, I'll edit it again when I have time
Thanks for the tip.

EDIT: Edited it, added and removed some stuff and fixed most of the problems, hopefully.

Anyway how old is Mutou? Is it stated in somewhere? I see him as a man on his late 20's or early to mid 30's

[BlackWaltzTheThird]

There's still a lot of tense issues and misused or even missing punctuation. There are several instances of run on sentences, particularly towards the start. Also, when referring to characters, you tend to alternate between first- and last-name descriptions. Japanese people tend to use last names exclusively, except in particularly close relationships. I don't believe Mutou's age is ever formally stated anywhere, but I would be under the impression that he is a man of his 30s at the youngest. It may be worth copy-pasting the entire thing into Microsoft Word or something to help you fix some of the problems, but ultimately that's not a perfect solution. The main problem is consistency, and that's somthing only you can fix. Good luck, man.

[TechnoHooligan]

I just want you to know how well Edvard Grieg's In the Hall of the Mountain King fit with this.
In the beginning, it was quiet, and began it's crescendo when Mutou's plan, schedule, and control over his life began to deteriorate, and finalized just as he passed out because of Akira.
Excellent writing, aside from petty rules of grammar. It was quirky and fun, and straightforward, and I enjoyed it.
Relatedly: I always entertained the idea that Mutou was the Doctor.

[Helbereth]

I park my car and enter the school grounds, I make my way to the faculty building, along the way many students have started their morning activities, It's still 30 minutes before class starts, so it's not surprising that they took their time to jog, study, eat, or just hang out with friends in the morning air.

Starting your story with a 57-word run-on sentence is not advisable.

About 30 seconds into reading, my eye started to twitch. The conversation with the other teacher is beyond unnecessary, and could be truncated to a short paragraph. Your description thereof also feels impertinent, and out of place--why is he describing someone he sees every day unless there's something different worth mentioning?

You need to find the "." on your keyboard and use it more often. Not just more often, but at all in a lot of cases. When someone speaks dialogue in quotes, it still needs to end with some kind of punctuation--a question mark, exclamation point, comma, or period being the most common. If it's a line of dialogue that leads into more exposition, and it should normally have ended with a period, you use a comma:
I'm using a made-up scene as an example:
Dan chuckled lazily as he entered the room saying, "That dude is totally stoned!"
"Man, why aren't you dressed?" I demanded, pointing at his tie-dyed shirt and orange shorts, "You're supposed to be in a tuxedo, you idiot!"
"Stan, you gotta loosen up and stop worrying," he retorted, placing an irritating hand on my shoulder. "You said before; this wedding should be comfortable, so don't harsh on my mellow, man."
"That's not what I meant to say!" I protested, shaking my hands emphatically, "you're putting words in my mouth! Dora's expecting you to be in a suit, not..." I waved a hand at his annoyingly casual outfit, "This!"

Your lack of articles is alarming, and makes the run-on sentences that much harder to understand--not that run-on sentences are understandable by any definition. In any case, those little words are important (and, but, of, as, it, if, that, etc.) even though they seem superfluous. Without them to bridge ideas, your sentences lose cohesion--they're literary glue.

[Markus Ramikin]

those that needs
should be
those that need

"Good morning Akio." He greets me
should be
"Good morning, Akio," he greets me.

"Good morning Kizo." I replied
should be
"Good morning Kizo," I reply.
(fixed punctuation AND tense. I am assuming you intend the story to be in present tense.)

Hm, actually there's quite a lot of this stuff. Proofreading before publishing is a habit worth acquiring.

And yeah, what Helbereth said: a lot of those commas of yours need to be full stops or need connecting words added after them.

Other than that, this isn't entirely bad, but Mutou seems strangely like a fish out of water, and kinda like a teenager himself. That easy blushing... or things like:

Actually I have no idea what arrhythmia is.

"It's not like I'm an educated person, or have been working in a school for kids with disabilities, or anything like that."

A slight overreaction of his heart, or a slight bump to his chest could

Did you mean to finish that sentence? (If not, end it in ...)

[Helbereth]

A slight overreaction of his heart, or a slight bump to his chest could

Did you mean to finish that sentence? (If not, end it in ...)

That "..." is the fifth common punctuation mark used almost exclusively in dialogue (within quotes), known as an ellipse. It's usually used to indicate a pause in speech; as when someone might stop in the middle of a sentence to think of the next word, or to separate a word for emphasis.

I say almost exclusively because an ellipse can be used in exposition, but should be used sparingly, and only with proper context. Usually it only works in the exposition if the perspective is intended as a streaming consciousness from your first-person protagonist. It also doesn't really work in past-tense because, in that format, your reader typically assumes the character is recounting events long after the fact, like writing a memoir, and they wouldn't need the gap in time to continue their thoughts on something they experienced a while ago.

Honestly, probably the best way to learn punctuation, and writing in general, is to do a lot of reading. Focus on the structure of the writing rather than the content--content is subjective, while the structure is generally objective. When you write your own stuff, you can make it as subjective as you like, but you need a solid foundation in objective structure or you can easily lose readership, or plainly miscommunicate your story.

[Markus Ramikin]

It's usually used to indicate a pause in speech; as when someone might stop in the middle of a sentence to think of the next word, or to separate a word for emphasis.

Yup, but also to indicate a sentence was left unfinished, a voice trailing off (spoken voice or internal). Which is probably what the author intended here - unless he just forgot to finish that bit.

[Mirage_GSM]

The author hasn't been online for more than three months.
I think our well-intentioned tips aren't reaching him...

[Helbereth]

The author hasn't been online for more than three months.
I think our well-intentioned tips aren't reaching him...

Huh... I didn't even see the dates... Someone went digging up a necro, I guess.

[griffon8]

That "..." is the fifth common punctuation mark used almost exclusively in dialogue (within quotes), known as an ellipse.

No, an ellipse is a geometry term, a class of items which includes circles. An ellipsis is what you meant. Some confusion can result from the fact that the plural of ellipsis is ellipses.