Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[ArazelEternal]

I wish I could get over my self-derisive attitude.

I just did a fairly large project for the company I work for. I spend the 27th of December networking two buildings together so the storage building could be on the same network as the main building for inventory purposes. Everything is stored in an access database on the main server. It was a lot of work running/building cables, installing switches, configuring the endpoints, getting up on a 12' step ladder (with a fear of heights and ladders, I might add, though not as severe as it used to be, still doesn't make it easy). Everything worked, first go around, no glitches, hitches, whatever you call them.

At first I felt vaguely proud of my accomplishment. Then, my self-derisive attitude took over. I looked at everything and started noticing every little imperfection, every little thing I could have done better. I should have noticed that, I should have seen that, why didn't I think of that, etc. Pretty soon any shred of pride I had over it was gone, and went from feeling vaguely good to depressed again. Thoughts of "why should I be proud? Anyone with a computer and some time to look instructions up on the internet could do this." were going through my head.

I wish I could allow myself to feel good about myself for once. Problem is, I dont think I am deserving. I don't have any special talents or abilities, and I am really not that smart. So where can I say that I deserve to feel proud of myself?

[Reksho]

Being humble is a good attribute. However, being too humble is something that is possible as well and can damage your outlook on yourself.

You say that everyone with a computer and time to read a manual could do this. Well, guess what, this is with EVERYTHING in life. Honestly, every single profession, skill or attribute can be gained by performing the little steps one after another until you get them. Does this make it less of an achievement when you finally reach the finish line? The answer is no. You took the time and went through the trouble of acquiring something which others didn't. That in itself is something to be proud of.

As for your nitpicking of those little details: human life does not allow perfection. Nobody is in a position where they have enough time and knowledge to do things exactly in a way that is so in line with the universe, so that it can be considered perfect. Perfectionism is an illusion, created by your desire to not make any mistakes and prove this to others. So, with that logic in mind, try to see it from the viewpoint of the others. They will be pleased with your work and be glad that everything is working as it should. In other words, they consider you to have proven yourself by doing a good job. Your perfectionism has been rationally satisfied; in their eyes, you did not make any mistakes.

I sincerely get how you feel. However, you must understand that you let your feelings of achievement slip away by coming up with rational arguments that downplay them. So, do the opposite. Come up with rationally sound arguments why you should feel proud.

[Beoran]

OtakuNinja, that wasn't cool of your cousin, but at least he did want to come clear about it. As for your ex, good riddance I say. It's a severe thing to say of me, but I think you earn someone who wouldn't betray you like that.

AzraelEternal, yeah, like Reksho says, almost anyone can do almost anything IF they put their mind to it and work at it. Which in this case, was YOU. You put your mind to it and worked on it. YOU did it. Those ideas that drag you down are not yours, but those of those who harmed you before, but whom you have internalized. But they are lies from liars, hurtful lies. Throw away those lies for what they are, and let your well deserved satisfaction with your work in. You certainly deserve it!

[Yoh_Komori]

They'd only known each other for a month when I broke up with her. That was almost two years ago. Two years.

Okay, well then that @$$wipe is a complete slime ball and I retract my statement. Sorry he is such a dick. *Brohug*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Funny how life works out. I mentioned someone I loved before on here recently, well a few days after that I got a message from a dating site I used to frequent, apparently she too frequented it and messaged me on it, and it wasn't just a friendly hello.

Trouble is I already have someone, and even if they would trust me enough to go see if there is something to this relationship I feel as though I am already committed to this current relationship so don't know if I even could approach this women I know without having my current girlfriend in my mind constantly....

2013 seems like it's starting with a surprise, rather than the dull "same old same old" last year started with.

[Beoran]

Yoh_Komori,

Yeah, it's interesting how people can turn p agin at some times. But in this case I think friendly but firm honesty will be the best policy.

[SemisoftCheese]

could trust me enough to go see if there is something to this relationship I feel as though I am already committed to this current relationship so don't know if I even could approach this women I know without having my current girlfriend in my mind constantly....

If you're really done with her, I wouldn't let it get past a casual meet for coffee or something. A catch-up is best, otherwise she might get the wrong idea and you'll have to deal with that (you ladies man!).

On another note, I've seen people leave current relationships for their exes and have things turn out miserably. Sometimes they work out, but more often then not they end up ending the same way the first relationship did.

[Yoh_Komori]

could trust me enough to go see if there is something to this relationship I feel as though I am already committed to this current relationship so don't know if I even could approach this women I know without having my current girlfriend in my mind constantly....

If you're really done with her, I wouldn't let it get past a casual meet for coffee or something. A catch-up is best, otherwise she might get the wrong idea and you'll have to deal with that (you ladies man!).

On another note, I've seen people leave current relationships for their exes and have things turn out miserably. Sometimes they work out, but more often then not they end up ending the same way the first relationship did.

Thats just it, I don't know what I am with her. I love who I am with, we really connect, share things together, and (though it's not important to either of us) the sex is great, but this other person, Nicole, is arguably my first crush and the first girl I dated.We never got past kissing and just holding\snuggling each other, but there i was "something" there with her thats hung in the back of my mind in the various relationships I've had in the 6 years before meeting my current girlfriend, and even during our 3 years together I've (at odd times) thought about the what if between me and Nicole.

I'm someone who has tried to live without regret, so not at least investigate this will leave me wanting to for ever. At the same time though, I am also someone who believes that if you find someone in life, and you do love them, it is best to stick with them as it's what is right for you.

The problem is I do love who I am with, and KNOW I love them, but I know I do also love Nicole, but I haven't really been with her in any meaningful way besides being just high school bf\gf so I don't know if that relationship had other levels we didn't opt to reach, or if there is more to that than I know.

The saying says to go with the "devil" you know, but Ive never been one not to go find out about the other "devil" before making my decisions either....*headache.jpg*

[Beoran]

Yoh_Komori,

I once read a saying in a heroic fantasy book: "You shouldn't long for the moon and starts when the sun is shining in your hands." I think this amply applies to you.

While you love your first crush, you love the girl you are with now much more and you have gotten much closer. And you're also sexually compatible it seems, which is also important. The other girl is in the past, and I think it's best for all 3 of you that she stays in your past and goes her own way towards her own future., since you have already found away to your own future, and she simply isn't part of it, and cannot be. One can love many people, but for most people, there can be only one special one we want to bind ourselves to, and from what you say, it seems that that could be your current girlfriend, but not your first crush. It's not regret, but a nostalgic feeling for your first crush, which is a bad feeling to have at such a young age. It will be hard for both of you, but I think you will all 3 be happier in the long run if you stay true to your girlfriend.

[Hadokant]

Alright i need some advice here
I had a girl i liked but she rejected me. So i assumed that was the end of that. However, One of her friends keeps teasing me about her. Like when I wrote a speech about love to a friend. She asked if it was written with her in mind. So my question is: Does she have feelings for me? Or am i a dense person and is completey interpreting this the wrong way?
Idk if this is the right forum for this but I've been here before and I know you guys give great advice.
Thanks in advance
-Hadokant

[Xanatos]

Alright i need some advice here
I had a girl i liked but she rejected me. So i assumed that was the end of that. However, One of her friends keeps teasing me about her. Like when I wrote a speech about love to a friend. She asked if it was written with her in mind. So my question is: Does she have feelings for me? Or am i a dense person and is completey interupting this the wrong way?
Idk if this is the right forum for this but I've been here before and I know you guys give great advice.
Thanks in advance
-Hadokant

I think you mean "interpreting". Anyway, it doesn't sound like she's feeling anything for you but then again, the teasing could be a cover. I say ask.

[Dream]

Alright i need some advice here
I had a girl i liked but she rejected me. So i assumed that was the end of that. However, One of her friends keeps teasing me about her. Like when I wrote a speech about love to a friend. She asked if it was written with her in mind. So my question is: Does she have feelings for me? Or am i a dense person and is completey interupting this the wrong way?
Idk if this is the right forum for this but I've been here before and I know you guys give great advice.
Thanks in advance
-Hadokant

I think you mean "interpreting". Anyway, it doesn't sound like she's feeling anything for you but then again, the teasing could be a cover. I say ask.

Or this friend is just teasing Hadokant for his own amusement, knowing he would be moved by the idea that maybe this girl actually feels something about him. Either way, i second Xanatos's advice, asking directly and politely seems to be the best choice to take.

[SemisoftCheese]

Alright i need some advice here
I had a girl i liked but she rejected me. So i assumed that was the end of that. However, One of her friends keeps teasing me about her. Like when I wrote a speech about love to a friend. She asked if it was written with her in mind. So my question is: Does she have feelings for me? Or am i a dense person and is completey interupting this the wrong way?
-Hadokant

I've seen girls reject guys before and try to remain friends with them. Some girls like to pretend it never happened, some like to acknowledge that fact and try to joke about it to make it lighter. Neither is easier to discern.

Given I don't know anything about you, or the girl you're talking about, I would just say ask her again. Not the same way you did the first time (which evidently didn't work), but be serious about it.

Tell her, "I like you, and I want to go on a date with you. How about ___________." Make the activity something she would enjoy with you as a friend, not something romantically charged. Something light, like Devonshire tea (my favorite), or an event in the afternoon doesn't scare people as much as the thought of an evening or sit-down dinner.

Make sure you're alone, and that you ask her in a serious way. Don't be timid or around with it. You don't have to be forceful, but let her know how you feel in a serious way. If she's worth it at all, she'll tell you her real response.

[Walrusfella]

Hadokant,

The rejection is probably final, but if that's somehow not the case you'll need more definite information. The next time her friend makes a crack like that you could ask something like "hang on, what are you getting at?" or "why, has she changed her mind?" or some variation thereof in pursuit of a straight answer. Or you could bring up the friend's jokes to the girl herself, but I'm not sure of the best way to put that. That aside, it's probably best to try to move on unless you find out something concrete.

ArazelEternal,

Reshko and Beoran said this and well, but that's a very clever thing you did. It sounds like you increased the efficiency of your company. They're lucky to have you - If a system or practice works, even badly, most people would just leave it alone rather than try to improve it. You actually took the trouble to do that, and successfully too. That's something to take pride in.

The idea that you don't deserve to feel good about yourself when you accomplish something doesn't sound like it originated just within you. Whoever it was, they're dead wrong.

[Hadokant]

Alright thanks for the advice guys,
I was just asking because I didn't want to make this any more awkward for any of us
I also thought of just asking her politely to but i was just making sure here.

[ArazelEternal]

Thanks to everyone for the advice and kind words.

Ive had a lot of people hurt me and doubt me in my life. I guess that is just going to take a lot of time to get over and get past, so I can start thinking better of myself.