Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Beoran]

Auratus, this is clearly a case of "if you love her let her go". I said before, I was in a similar situation, and all it ended up being was a complete waste of time. I know you long for this lady very much (I did so for the one I idolized) but get this straight:
She will never love you! Never! Never! Never!
That boat has sailed and crossed the ocean already, and is never coming back. So do what ever it takes to get over her and say goodbye to her. Perhaps do so literally. Even if you have to change classes or schools do what it takes. You've suffered enough. Even tough you may not recognise it as such, desiring for someone who does not desire for you is pure suffering. It's time to start a new chapter in your life.

Yassodude, thanks for your story. It sounds to me that your girlfriend had (and maybe is tll having) a really hard time and was unable to open up to you about her sadness. The thing is though, that KS is fiction, you aren't Hisao, and she isn't Emi. It is very understandable to be very sad when someone you love dies unexpectedly, but I think at such times you shouldn't forget the other people you care for too. But she wasn't able to do so, perhaps understandably so. It sounds like you did your best to support her and let her open up to you. But that didn't work, so all I can conclude that she was (and mabye still is) not able to carry on a relationship with you. If you feel, though, that there are a few things you didn't you, or that you could have done better, then by all means, do them. Tell her what you think about her way of dealing with her sadness. Reccommend her what you think is a better way. Even if she gets angry at you it's probably going to be better for her than keeping walking on eggshells.

Xiious, that may be a very good idea, if you enjoy the prospect of learning something new. I studied chemistry myself and it can be very interesting.

Otakuninja, good to hear first day went well. I hope your grandmother will be fine.

[Keyalha]

Hi everyone, its costing me quite a bit of guts to write down what i do so if this post sounds a bit rushed i appologize for that in advance. Also English is not my native language so any grammar errors are simply because im not overly fluent in English keep that in mind while reading my post please.

So now to my current state of sadness.

I really really really loved KS but it hit me deepter than i imagined possible. When i was a kid i inspired to write scripts for computer games or be a game designer. My grades and scooling never where able to meet that expectation. Altho i now write scripts and short stories that go roughly into that direction i never made the break there.

After i read the wonderful piece of novel that KS is i got somewhat depressed. Mainly after i finished lillys arc that is. Its a hughly powerful and moving thing. Im quite an average joe so i could easily connect to hisao altho im from europe and never ever have seen japan at all.

I saw that piece of art that was heartwarming, made me feel things that i never imagined a novel could do by any means.

Im not totally down now altho it hit me. Dont get me wrong i live in a wonderful relationship for nearly 6 years and i love my better half more than i can put it in words, so i couldnt complain in that part of my life.

Still since i finshed lilly´s arc i somewhat have the gut feeling that that true and sincere romance is what i never could bring to paper / file even with it rubbing my nose each day and that saddens me a bit.

Its like i know i can do it but at the same time i know i will never reach that level of perfection no matter how hard i try to do so.

Im now playing lilly arc the fourth time and even copied the whole text analyzed it compared it with my own work. I studied the style of writing the scene the setting and all that comes with that and as much as i aspire to that level since i played KS i was not able to write a single line of text. Since its not my way of earning money that might not sound serious but since i love writing it saddens me heavily.

I just want to get over with it and dont want to fault KS for it since its clearly something on my end BUT WHAT.

im totally sucked out of creativity and i just dont understand why.

[Nyzer]

But that didn't work, so all I can conclude that she was (and mabye still is) not able to carry on a relationship with you.

Yeah, this. I realize my last post kind of ended on a "well, if she doesn't want one" note, but it sounds that in your case it's less that she doesn't want one (as Emi didn't in the game) and more that she can't seem to handle one. That's unfortunate, but my overall point is, that's on her and not you. I don't want to say that she should "get over" her mother's death after a year, but by that point... she shouldn't still be wallowing in it to the degree that she was, and yet she was. She either needed professional help, or she needed more time to work through whatever she needed to work through, and she couldn't handle a relationship as a result.

I don't... think it's right to shut out someone who's been part of your life for ten years for that long. For any reason, really. I've never had someone close to me die, so I don't know what it would be like, I admit, but ... I dunno, it sounds like she wasn't even trying, by what you say.

If that makes sense.

---

@ Keyalha

Bear in mind that KS was a five-year project with several developers. The overall storyline was redone multiple times. Edited probably many, many more times, and by more than one hand.

Suriko (the main writer for the Lilly arc, IIRC) had years to plot out each word of text, a group of people equally as invested in the project to bounce ideas off of, and probably went reading a lot of material for further inspiration.

Unless you're a professional writer, or you have some sort of similar accomplishment, you're not likely to be able to "match" that yet, no. The key word being "yet". Keep chipping away at it on a regular basis, and do yourself a favor and compare your writing now to what it was one, three, five years ago. You should be seeing some major differences.

And to hear Aura tell it in the "Ask" topic, the KS devs were constantly thinking "not good enough yet" when looking at their own work, too. So it's not exactly something you're the only one to experience
I think Aura's said something in there as well, about how you need to, at one point, stop and say to yourself "okay, I guess it is good enough. Let's go with that."

[Keyalha]

@Nyzer

I am not yet a professional writer as said its a more of an extended hobby type with an public sucess here and there on a rather small but noticeable scale.
It brought me a smile since that " its not yet good enough " thing is something which i also expierience a lot since i tend to polish what i write to its limits. I mostly do extremly faulty and bad drafts and then open them up for discussion and improve on feedback i get from there.

I am trying hard to rub off that feeling altho its hard currently. The problem might be what i write will never ever touch me in a way like KS did for me BECAUSE i wrote it and im too close to my own material. So in that retrospect i think what i aspire to might be getting something out there what does to other people what KS did to me which is stirring up emtions and belivability in almost every aspect.

Thanks for listening and taking your time to respond.

[yassodude]

@Nyzer @Beoran

Yeah you're both right , the thing that annoyed me the most is that all the while I was waiting for her to "get over" her mother's death , I couldn't properly "Hang Out" with other girls , I've always been loyal to a fault. Seriously , if a girl sitting in front of me's lowered her pants and I can see past the safe zone , I actually avert my eyes , not because I'm such a good person , but because even though my gf's been having problems , I'm willing to wait. Besides , Nyzer's right ... KS is scripted , everything's forseen , life is not that way . I can't blame myself for screwing up somewhere because as Nyzer said , It's not just up to me (that line is pretty awesome btw) . So all in all I think I spent way too much effort for her , perhaps more than necessary and who knows , perhaps she didn't even like me .. I mean that's possible life is not a fairy tale , perhaps she only went out with me for the sake of our friendship so I was in a "relationship friendzone" . I don't know and I think she's taken enough of my time and effort , not that she doesn't deserve more but I think I deserve a break . 2 years I've technically been in a relationship without seeing her more than once a week so (to my knowledge) she can mourn , and I was too afraid to face her . I mean what do you tell someone who's lost their mother .. "Get over it?" I was too afraid to even tell her I'm here for her , I treated the subject of her mother like a Taboo , never mentioning her, since she didn't , I was afraid if I mentioned her she'd become overly depressed or cry , now i know that perhaps I should've made her cry , to get it out , and understand she doesn't have to act around me .. Then again that also might me the Hisao in me talking so I think that we were never meant to be and I'm just gonna shut up now cause I'm rambling ... One more thing , another reason why I didn't push her is because I thought 10 years of friendship would make her tell me if she was upset , I guess even 10 years doesn't make you qualified to help through such a tragedy ..

Anyway thanks alot , I've never told anyone this story and you really helped me , It does help to get it out and hear responses from non-judgemental people , I'm a high school senior so Imagine if I told one of my friends that story , they think I'm an overly romantic P!@#$y or sth. Thanks again for the help , I'm gonna try to take my mind off KS now , perhaps watch some Katekyo Hitman or Fairy Tail , sth stupid and funny and action-packed .. Bye

[Nyzer]

So all in all I think I spent way too much effort for her

Well, I dunno about that. You loved her, didn't you? Maybe you did spend too much effort, but being honest, could you have walked away if you'd done any less? I'd bet not.

Seriously , if a girl sitting in front of me's lowered her pants and I can see past the safe zone , I actually avert my eyes , not because I'm such a good person , but because even though my gf's been having problems , I'm willing to wait.

That's a lot more of an admirable trait than not.

I was too afraid to even tell her I'm here for her , I treated the subject of her mother like a Taboo , never mentioning her, since she didn't , I was afraid if I mentioned her she'd become overly depressed or cry , now i know that perhaps I should've made her cry , to get it out , and understand she doesn't have to act around me

I dunno. It might have helped, but being realistic, you guys were close friends for years before you started dating. And even as just friends, she should have reached out to you if she wanted support and comfort. So even if it might have helped, it probably still wouldn't have been near enough to salvage the relationship, because from the sound of it, the failure was simply on her shoulders. She either wouldn't or couldn't carry her weight, but the end result's the same.

One more thing , another reason why I didn't push her is because I thought 10 years of friendship would make her tell me if she was upset , I guess even 10 years doesn't make you qualified to help through such a tragedy ..

She really should have. During my darker days I talked very candidly about it to people that I'd known for far less time. Granted, she's not me (and that's probably a good thing for you), but, still. Again, it just makes me think that she gave up and didn't want to try.

---

The problem might be what i write will never ever touch me in a way like KS did for me BECAUSE i wrote it and im too close to my own material. So in that retrospect i think what i aspire to might be getting something out there what does to other people what KS did to me which is stirring up emtions and belivability in almost every aspect.

No, you're right, it probably won't. The same way KS being replayed consistently wouldn't trigger the same feelings as before, either. You might think up a good scene and get some "feels" from imagining it for a while, but that feeling will be long gone before it ever gets fully committed to paper. It makes it hard to experience a story from the side of the reader - they get scene after scene of buildup without knowing for sure how it'll end over a short period of time, whereas you have a good idea a long time in advance.

The devs of KS have been fairly shocked to realize what emotions their game provoked in people in general, too.

Also, here's one of the instances I was talking about.

[Keyalha]

Well i have to disagree with you on one aspect.
No matter how often i play lilly or shizunes route i get that warm feeling each and every time its not the same as the first time sure but second to infinite time its the same for me at least, its like that knowing feeling like someone who is confident that things will turn out well for the loving couple without them yet knowing.

Dont get that the wrong way but replaying KS feels like bringing your son/daughter to his/her prom and beeing well sure that you did what you have to and from now on just can view the result of it.

[gragon]

keyalha i think most of us have that kind of problem,wen you compare your work to other one's. i enjoy writing too and started a fanfic but damn i cant make any progress because i think ''it would not be good enough'' that was a few days back. you just need to think about what you want to write not what others want to read. that doesn't mean you can ignore the opinion of your fans tough.


update well i guess public pools are not a place for me. on 17-08-12 i was at the pool with my friends who had just come back from vacation. this was only the third time i left the house in about 7 weeks. well anyways we were at the pool just doing regular stuff like wrestling in the waters and such. so we came back to our towels. and there was a cookie on my towel. not knowing what ever happened to the thing i trew it in the bushes. and one of the girls who were lying next to us asked: are you a scout or something?. and i was like WTF!? so i said no why? oh it looks like you came out of a forrest... so thats the start of the story. i ended up with chips and some kind of lemonade being poured on top of me. the things i did was: euhm nothing, make jokes with my friends. wrestle in the water. that kind of stuff.

two days later. this time at my dads house (in another city) we (me my dad,steph-mother,1 Y old and 5 week old brothers) were at the pool. and kind of the same thing happened again but this time it was a girl i knew. a girl i knew who liked me and i mean LIKED me. i didnt like her tough and i express that pretty well by saying i dont like her and i dont want to be friends with her because we have nothing in common so i would think it would be boring. well anyways she was at the pool too. and one of her friends. yay... she found the spot were me and my dad/the rest were lying, so they dicided to join us. i was just relaxing on my towel wen my i hear my steph mom say. maybe you girls should get a bucket of water and trow it on him to wake him up (bitch) so they did. and well i didn't really mind that i mean common its just a small prank. but if you keep doing it it gets anoying. and i already was iritadded that i was forced to go with em. (my dad,and etc)

so after about 3 times i got pissed and was going to take a swim, they followed me so after just 10 minutes of swiming i returned to my towel. (so did they) and as i was trying to relax again they started doing the same fucking shit again!?... so i just ignored it. and then after they left. i told my dad that i dont want him to allow her into my room again. and then it happended. my steph-mother kicked in and said ''whats wrong with her then?'' i said well look at how she acts around me after saying about a hundred times to stop pouring water over me, and i dont like her i actualy hate her for doing nothing but stare at me and ask retarded things about me oh and we have nothing in comon.

and she said if you see what they are doing as anything close to bullying or annoying there is something really wrong with your social skills. AAAAAAAND is snaped. i got pissed and said yea i am socialy akward and yes i know she likes me and no i dont like her i'm not even going to try and understand her. (too many insulting things about my steph mother) the only thing that makes her diffrent from you is that you are marryd to my dad and i have to accept you either i like it or not. i put on my clothes and walked out of the pool without looking and walked home. and went rage mode. knuckels fcked up again. and i think this helped me hate my steph-mother even more and of course the girl. the fun thing was that i could play with my 1 year old brother for about 30 minutes in the water.

so i think im not heading to public pool again nor ever respond the questions like ''are you a scout?'' why? they proberly want to insult me for having a ''manly'' body (with that i mean: HAIR EVERYWERE!?) kinda afraid to go swimming again...because of the body stuff. might buy a full body bathing suit tough!

[viduuskamen]

Apologies in advance, as I haven't checked on this thread since page 30.
I might be a little out of it, but I think this is a good place to put this (sorry if someone has posted before me)



Hopefully this cheers a few of you folks up.

[Nyzer]

Hmm. Gragon, I might be able to offer some of the others' perspective here - most people think it's uncommon for a guy not to respond to a girl's advances. Even guys that aren't interested in a girl romantically will often still try to bed those girls. -_-

Your step mother may have been trying to ... help? But uh, she kind of went about it the wrong way, by the sounds of it. But she might have just thought you were playing aloof and hard-to-get. ... Some guys do that.

In the end, though, you spoke your mind and got further annoyed when it was ignored. So I can't say you're in the wrong for standing up to yourself.

[kindspy]

*

[Beoran]

Gragon, Nyzer,

Yes there is still a bit of a double standard. If a girl likes a guy then it might be hard for her to understand that his being aloof is not him being "cool" and "manly", but simply a sign that he doesn't like her that much.

Gragon, I understand why you get angry, but I'd recommend to try and stay a bit more calm. If you had enough and feel angry, just say that you had enough and feel angry and walk away. Talk about it when your anger has lessened, that way you will be less likely to say something hurtful in anger. As for you having early manly hairs on your body, when you get older it won't be a problem anymore, but if you feel embarrassed, you can always shave or wax them before going to a swimming pool or such. Nowadays, many men remove or thin out their body hair as well.

[Total Destruction]

Hey, all. I've been kinda MIA for a minute. I slogged through about three weeks worth of HBHC posts, some weird stuff about tulpas, dwarduk's jaunt to Cambridge (Hell yes!), Xiious' desire to get on his horse and just GO, some stuff that everyone already touched on that I can't really say much more about without being redundant redundant, and there you are.

I spent this summer working on the other side of the country, when about a week before I was scheduled to fly home, I got a call that one of the old school died. Bummed me out really bad, but whatever. I got home after the shittiest, most horrendously delayed flight on no sleep and with fiberglass still in my arms, met up with some old friends, partied for a couple days, and got right back in the "dammit gotta find a job" groove.

While I was on the East Coast, I had this crazy feeling that something bad happened. Some weird alignment of the planets or whatever (you guys in the states catch that crazy red moon?) told me someway, somehow, that things were getting nuts. Hadn't been sleeping well, was always in pain, the whole nine yards.

Well, a few days after being back home, I run into a friend of mine while I'm out for a jog who tells me that while I was away, my good friend that lived on my street up and died. The guy's always been a bit nuts, and had been off and on meds for what I was thinking might be borderline schizophrenia, but was otherwise a cool dude. Had NO idea that he'd been taking Benadryl to fall asleep for the past few months, and apparently, his father came home, found the house flooded, and discovered my buddy had drowned in the bathtub after ODing.

That fuckin' wrecked me for a bit. I had literally kicked it with him the day before I bounced up north.

Now typically when I'm in a weird place upstairs, I tend to stay off the 'net so I don't wind up transferring my confusions and fears into crazy posts that wind up making me look like an asshole or otherwise crazy. I kinda had to censor myself a bit, and I hate that I gotta do that sometimes, but hey, I'm cool now, and no damage done.

Feels cool to get that out there, but Goddamn it. It's been a rough summer, and I wasn't even there for any of it. Yeesh.

[Gandara]

It's been a rough summer

Sorry to hear about your buddy passing away, man. Death is a pretty damn fickle thing - one moment someone you know, someone you might be good friends with is alive and smiling, then after the blink of an eye they're in the ground. It's messed up, but it's just one of those things that happens.

It sounds like you're doing a good job of getting your act in order, which I'm glad to hear. Life can be shitty if you live it without direction for too long. I know personally - just sorta drifted along with no motivation or drive to improve myself or get further along in life for about seven years. Don't let your life slip through your fingertips - you never know when death's gonna come creeping up on you just like it did your buddy. Make the best of your life with the time you got.

[Auratus]

She will never love you! Never! Never! Never!

Of course. I knew that. Somehow posting here was make me shred not-so-manly tear. But ends up quite happy when I look back to when I do spend time with her. I feels like I became my former's self when I was with her which actually now I aren't. I think I made some progress in bury such feeling (and start Emi's running schedule at week 1 too. Woo!) The problem is I just bought a orange watch 2 days ago. (her favourite color beside of pink) and I still get used to imitated her adjusting glasses even I don't wear glasses. (I blame Shizune for that.) I suppose to totally forget her I need to found two-way love. The true less-painful love. Which I thought, for teenager like me (16.8 year), I would not found it soon.

I also think that I might be even more vulnerable for another (or other) heartbreak. I think I should be more stronger and maybe leave a message to future's me, to not lost hope, yourself or even life to love. (I fear my future's self to commit suicide on such thing. I think my life still has way too much to die by or for someone. But I always tell myself that no insane man think he is insane. For example, Kenji)

EDIT: @Keyalha Some girl told me if I want to draw as good as her. I have to be her. (You should find her in KS) I think you might compare your drawing with the Last Supper or the Mona Lisa. So no matter how good you draw (unless you are great at using CG or you are best artist humanity ever known) your work will suddenly have flaws here and there. You can see lots of post saying KS is awesome, masterpiece or beautiful. So compare KS to your work will not do any good. I think your work should have something interesting. Even if you think your's are so-so or bad, You should at least have some pride in your works if you have anyone who like it. Maybe you should write and compare your work to other less. i think just listen what reader say about you is enough. (But don't think too much about negative reaction too.)