Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Xanatos]

Myshina, I guess the guy does sound a bit too desperate. However, unlike what Xanatos is saying, I don't think there's anything wrong with proposing soon, IF the situation and feelings are right.

A woman fixated on studies and a man with an apparent penchant for drunken antics when things don't go his way, both of whom have only barely dated and know next to nothing about each other is hardly the right situation...It's not that it was soon. It's that it was a stupid proposal not logically planned out in the slightest and with no thought given to the ill circumstances of the time, which makes it too painfully clear the action was based on infatuation rather than rational thought. Infatuation is nothing on which to base a relationship much less a marriage.

[Pseudogenesis]

Myshina, I guess the guy does sound a bit too desperate. However, unlike what Xanatos is saying, I don't think there's anything wrong with proposing soon, IF the situation and feelings are right. I also proposed to my wife rather soon, I think we just knew each other for half a year. But we'd discussed the topic of marriage before, we're rather madly in love and we were not in college anymore. Also the situation was a bit different since we were living very far away from each other and missing each other a lot.

As for the guy, I think the guys here are being rather cruel to him, but I have the feeling that some of them may be just as clumsy once they get a girlfriend themselves... ;P
His drunk antics does show that he have a serious bad side to his character, but I guess it also shows he really cares a lot about you. Maybe I'm a bit too much of the forgiving kind of person, but I'd have a serious talk with him and perhaps give him the chance to clean up his act, with the precision that marriage is unlikely until you're both finished studying, at least, if the feeling still is OK. But I guess you may feel too bad about the whole situation, in which case it's better to send him walking with his condom in his jacket... You're the best one to judge his character and worth.

Did you read the part where they've only been out 6 times? The guy's crajy, mang.

[Beoran]

Pseudogenesis, and Xanatos, I'd say he's crazy in love. Sure, he should calm down and thinks things through, but I won't condemn anyone for having such feelings. As the Havamal, the viking song of wisdom says:

"Never reproach another for his love:
It happens often enough
That beauty ensnares with desire the wise
While the foolish remain unmoved.

Never reproach the plight of another,
For it happens to many men:
Strong desire may stupefy heroes,
Dull the wits of the wise"

I am also still crazy in love with my own wife. I'd say it's not infatuation if the feeling is mutual, and a relationship isn't based on rational thought alone. The decision is of course for Myshina to make since she knows him much better than we do, his bad and good sides, and her own thoughts and feelings.

[Xanatos]

Pseudogenesis, and Xanatos, I'd say he's crazy in love.

I'd say that's nonsense. Just a euphemism to excuse what some lunatics may do.

He's infatuated and he made an ass of himself for it, pure and simple. He went and proposed out of nowhere despite having spent next to no time together and knowing nothing about her then when he was understandably rejected (and politely so, judging by the story), he got drunk and got himself arrested making a scene AND burdening her in the process. Love doesn't do that. Infatuation does that. One is complex, the other is simple. One is measured, the other excessive. One is mature, the other is childish. One is reasonable, the other is stupid.

The latter can evolve into the former given time and compatibility but consider the stereotypical caveman. Grunting, drooling, dumb. You don't take one of them and call them a modern man just because they might become one later, because they're not a modern man: They're a stupid, unevolved form of modern man. And infatuation is a stupid, unevolved form of love. Crazy, absolutely. In love, bullshit. (Most of this could be boiled down to semantics, but screw it, it's an important distinction.)



Should he be condemned for that? Not necessarily. It's often the starting point of relationships and not entirely controllable, like most of these troublesome 'feelings' things. Should he be condemned for the utter stupidity resulting from it? Abso-fucking-lutely!

I've been infatuated. It makes people stupid as hell and I was no exception. But there are still certain things you just don't do. A completely illogical jumping-the-gun proposal with no thought beforehand? It's crazy and weird, but reparable. Drunken antics that make a total twat of yourself and burden everyone else involved? Not quite as reparable. But there's a fairly obscure line between forgivable lapses in judgement and unforgivable stupidity. It'll be up to Myshina there to decide if that line was crossed but I'd definitely say it was. Then again, my life's made me unforgiving. She may be more generous.

[Helbereth]

Is someone defending the guy who, after 6 dates, bought a ring?

Really?

Reasonable people don't pop the question after barely finding out your favorite color.

Reasonable people don't commit to a life-long relationship after spending less than one full calendar day with the other person.

Even if you argue he fell in love that quickly; if he lacks the rationale to hold his emotions in check until he actually gets to know her, then I seriously doubt he's marriage material. Patience is a virtue, especially in relationships; and there are reasons why the divorce rate is so high - impetuous proposals resulting in crash-and-burn marriages is probably high on that list.

Dude's out of his mind. Were I you, I'd watch for him possibly stalking you, and seek legal action if you feel uncomfortable. Might seem harsh, but there are a lot of bat-shit crazy (no offense, Xanatos) people in the world, and they prey on those blinded by naivete.

[Xanatos]

Is someone defending the guy who, after 6 dates, bought a ring?

Really?

Reasonable people don't pop the question after barely finding out your favorite color.

Reasonable people don't commit to a life-long relationship after spending less than one full calendar day with the other person.

Even if you argue he fell in love that quickly, if he lacks the rationale to hold his emotions in check until he actually gets to know her, I seriously doubt he's marriage material. Patience is a virtue, especially in relationships; and there are reasons why the divorce rate is so high - impetuous proposals resulting in crash-and-burn marriages is probably high on that list.

Dude's out of his mind.

I wouldn't defend anyone who bought a ring, regardless of time. With all that needs buying from food to shelter to transportation to all the crap kids need if you have/plan to have 'em, and some git's gonna go buy expensive jewelry. Yeah, it's pretty and symbolic, but it's dumb as hell. Plus, if things crash and burn, that's wasted money. I say set aside a fund that you can build up during the marriage, and buy a ring after a few decades together to celebrate the lack of horrible failure.

And hey! Are you calling me crazy? D:

[Helbereth]

And hey! Are you calling me crazy? D:

I edited it, you're safe. Kinda added a bit to that after posting - seemed appropriate.

Though, I do that a lot; find myself correcting sentence structure, even in my regular forum posts. The version you quoted, I think, went through three revisions while you were writing.

Yeah, it's pretty and symbolic, but it's dumb as hell.

I think that's the textbook definition of tradition.

[Xanatos]

And hey! Are you calling me crazy? D:

I edited it, you're safe. Kinda added a bit to that after posting - seemed appropriate.

I do that a lot, though. I find myself correcting sentence structure even in regular forum posts. I think the version you quoted went through three revisions while you were writing.

Yeah, it's pretty and symbolic, but it's dumb as hell.

I think that's the textbook definition of tradition.

Oi, I'm not bat-shit crazy. I don't even like bats.

And that's sadly a true observation...Tradition blows. You could call lighting your home with candles "tradition" but strip away the bullshit and it's "outdated crap".

[Kouryuu]

I'm feeling disappointed and frustrated today. I got a rejection call for a job that I really wanted and had convinced myself I had in the bag. Back to start; still stuck in my soul-eroding work situation.

I feel conflicted about complaining about this. There are plenty of people who have no job at all, crappy and dead-end or not. It's still the major source of problems in my life, however. Oh well.

Few pages back but still todays date...

I too am searching for a job but I hate being out there, I cant do one thats customer facing but the problem is thats pretty much the only job I can do... searching online is shit for those kinda jobs as they are never advertised that way but I cant go into a place and ask because I'm waaaaaaay too nervous to do that...

I only sent a few applications off over the past couple weeks, its really bad but I guess a little progress is better than none...

Just wanted to vent really, its quite frustrating indeed, to be so incredibly scared of everything xD. I think the worst thing for me is my parents dont believe I'm trying to get a job when in actual fact its the most important thing to me. Once I get a job even minimum wage I'm set. When I had a job a few months back (that fell through because the assholes a jerk and screwed me...) I was so complete, everything was together but since that fucked up I been missing a piece... I really need a new PC and internet for what I want to do...

I think its ok to complain about it... well if its not then oops!! ^^

[gragon]

Well, hello again guys.

just wanted to update you guys on my life.

so i tought about getting crew-cut hair for some time. dont know why. so yesterday i just tought ''fuck it'' and cut my own hair. and well im quite happy with the result.
ive never ever in my life had short hair. and i tought if i change shouldn't my haircut too? and well i was right. right now i feel more comfortable with my hair.

OH...and im still siting in the dark playing video games all day every day.


Myshina,that realy sucks for you. well he was going too far. i just cant imagine someone taking of his clothes in the middle of the night witout reason in front of a lady. tough this may be because he was drunk. it's just disrespectful. and if he was taking of his clothes doenst that mean he was going to try euhm... yea
(sorry for that, i just thought the possibility was there. tough these are only my toughts)

[Beoran]

I've been infatuated. It makes people stupid as hell and I was no exception. But there are still certain things you just don't do. A completely illogical jumping-the-gun proposal with no thought beforehand? It's crazy and weird, but reparable. Drunken antics that make a total twat of yourself and burden everyone else involved? Not quite as reparable. But there's a fairly obscure line between forgivable lapses in judgement and unforgivable stupidity. It'll be up to Myshina there to decide if that line was crossed but I'd definitely say it was. Then again, my life's made me unforgiving. She may be more generous.

Well, that's what I was getting at. I'm quick to give people the benefit of the doubt, and it's hard to deduce from a short forum posing what the exact situation was. I said it before, perhaps I'm being too too forgiving. I agree it's possible the guy is of an abusive sort and in that case it would be dangerous to continue. It's hard for me to judge based on a forum posting alone. So I agree we should leave it up to Myshina, she knows and feels best.

Another reason why I'm not completely in agreement with you guys is because I did propose to my wife rather soon. I don't like the implication that there's something wrong with that. :p It's true that we didn't knew each other very well when we went to live together, so it was a bit rough in the beginning, but we hung in there, and now we have a lovely daughter to show for it. Even if it were to not work out between us in the future somehow, I'll never regret going for proposing to her when the feeling was right, since so many good things have happened for us since. I just wish Katawa Shoujo came out earlier, it would have helped me understand a few things a lot faster...

As for the whole engagement ring thing... it's still quite important, I think, especially if the lady likes this tradition. That doesn't mean you have to spend outrageous sums on a ring that's just a huge diamond (like, say, these: http://www.myjewelrybox.com/?section=item&itemID=16752). Get something more personal and unique, with the onus on the shape, and you'll get something far more beautiful and reasonable. Show that you know her preference in shape and color. (Perhaps something like these if she likes hearts or the color red or both: http://www.myjewelrybox.com/?section=item&itemID=15051).

Koryuu, I think I can only repeat what I said to Walrusfella. Keep at it, send out tons of resume's and if that doesn't help try to get education or develop your skills. It's fine to complain an relieve your frustration, but it's even better to keep going at it. Getting a job is really hard work these days and takes a lot of time and effort. Keep pushing it, and I think you too will find a job that's suitable for you.

[Xiious]

Myshina, personally I think you should talk things through with him and set things straight. That's the only advice I got.

A little update, I've been sleeping okay lately, but I think I might soon have to visit the hospital. My entire left side is sore, and continually in pain. I don't know how any doctor can help but I'd at least like to know what's going on.

Emotionally, I feel pretty broken right now. I don't know what's wrong, I just feel more on the verge of tears lately.

[Erenussocrates]

I was originally here to post some bad shit that happened to me yesterday~!

My current boyfriend, Mr.condom-in-jacket, proposed two days ago. Seeing that we only went on like, 6 dates and really didn't know much about each other (I don't even know if he has a family or no); that and the fact that I want to focus on my studies for the time being, I turned him down in a really polite and gentle way.

....Guess what happens ?

He comes knocking at my door at 2:30 AM, drunk and yelling in the middle of the street. I've told him to leave me alone and the only thing he did was yell louder and start taking off his clothes in the middle of the street. The neighbors had to call the police. When the police arrived, they insisted thay had to take at least 3 witnesses with them, plus me. They kept me at the police station until 6:00 AM, and I had classes at 7:15AM, so I had to rush home, still in pjs, change and take a shower before rushing in a mess to the University. I arrived late, which resulted in me having a warning and extra assignments. Dx

Not cool, Not cool at all.

Well, I don't know how you feel about him, no offence but if I were you, I wouldn't go on with him because he just seems dangerous :p I mean you told that you don't even know each other that well yet. I don't want to be disrespectful though. That's just what I think. You seem like an intelligent person Miss Myshina, figure out what you will do yourself

Saddly I didn't, I wanted to say something like WTF~! But~! The whole Café was watching~!

Lol imagine actually turning him down with a sound pollution equal to Micchan's

"NO!~ NO, MR. CONDOM-IN-JACKET, OUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT EVEN AT THAT LEVEL YET, NO WAY!~ AND SHICCHAN WOULD GET MAD AT ME!~"

[newnar]

I was originally here to post some bad shit that happened to me yesterday~!

My current boyfriend, Mr.condom-in-jacket, proposed two days ago. Seeing that we only went on like, 6 dates and really didn't know much about each other (I don't even know if he has a family or no); that and the fact that I want to focus on my studies for the time being, I turned him down in a really polite and gentle way.

....Guess what happens ?

He comes knocking at my door at 2:30 AM, drunk and yelling in the middle of the street. I've told him to leave me alone and the only thing he did was yell louder and start taking off his clothes in the middle of the street. The neighbors had to call the police. When the police arrived, they insisted thay had to take at least 3 witnesses with them, plus me. They kept me at the police station until 6:00 AM, and I had classes at 7:15AM, so I had to rush home, still in pjs, change and take a shower before rushing in a mess to the University. I arrived late, which resulted in me having a warning and extra assignments. Dx

Not cool, Not cool at all.

Can't you explain to the prof or something? I mean, the police should be able to give you some official evidence that they kept you held up.

On another note, well I probably am not qualified enough to make any judgments considering how fucked up I am myself, but I just have to ask: why the 6 dates if you weren't even preparing to enter a serious relationship? I mean, like you said you wanted to focus on studies and stuff.

[Tomate]

Can't you explain to the prof or something? I mean, the police should be able to give you some official evidence that they kept you held up.

On another note, well I probably am not qualified enough to make any judgments considering how fucked up I am myself, but I just have to ask: why the 6 dates if you weren't even preparing to enter a serious relationship? I mean, like you said you wanted to focus on studies and stuff.

Practice mostly, its like playing a game like Baldurs Gate\Dragon Age: You are going to play a mage and you know that, but first you play a bit with a rogue or paladin to see what is all about. You will not finish the game with this character but you just want to see the gameplay a bit before you go to the real deal.