Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Gandara]

I want a proper relationship, but I don't want to be led on and given false hope again..

This is a difficult one for me to help you out with... I must preface this by saying that I have, as of yet, never been in a legitimate relationship with anyone. Having said that, for some unknown reason all of my high school friends always came to me with their relationship woes and I was typically able to lead them to a decent conclusion. I'm no expert... but I've seen some shit.

In my opinion, a woman beginning a conversation with you by way of a line like, "Mmm, you're hot," or "Yeah, I really like you" (that is, with little to no previous exposure) is not a very good sign for longevity or relationship material.. Typically, real relationships need some amount of time to grow. They begin as mutual attraction, and then blossom into feelings, and eventually into a true connection with one another. I can't think of any circumstances where someone told me the story of how they met the love of their life and it having started with a lewd catcall or a risque remark.

This can be the reason these women are backing away from you when you try to take it to the next level. A lot of times people your age (19, if I understood your story) are looking for "a good time" or a "fling", but not looking to commit. Trying to turn a fling into a real relationship is incredibly difficult and almost always impossible. As such, these girls who only wanted a good time are not ready for a more serious commitment. I'd take it the girl cheating on you during that 30-day period was a prime example of this - she was interested in little more than sex, and pretty much proved it.

Now, from your lengthier paragraph it sounds a lot like you're looking for a more serious relationship now. This isn't a bad thing at all, but just be warned that you're hitting that level extremely early. It's not typically until a person's mid 20's to early 30's that they start really thinking about buckling down, knocking off the partying and starting a family. Of course, this is just averages and estimates - there are corner cases all over the place. But, just be warned that due to your age bracket it might be a little more difficult finding someone who will fill the need you're looking for; someone who is looking for a true relationship in the same way you are.

My first suggestion is to alter the places you're looking. College parties and bars are really not good places to find a soul mate. I'm sure it's happened, but your likelihood of ending up in a situation similar to the ones you've been experiencing is very high. Consider branching into some new avenues, things that are social activities but are not typically equated with partying / running wild and loose. If you're in school, check out some club activities. Maybe try going to places around town a little higher up on the "socialite" scale - instead of bars or nightclubs, try coffee shops or local hot spots.

If you really give it your best shot, if you are sincere and honest and a true person not only to others but to yourself, you will eventually find someone who is deserving of a true relationship. It will take time, but it will all be worth it once you find that perfect person. Take the initiative, take the reins; this is your life and your life alone. It'll never change unless you change it.

Best of luck to you.

[Xiious]

Well I'm not sleeping tonight....

[Xerxes]

Well I'm not sleeping tonight....

Me neither, I also have sleeping disorders probably since I finished high-school. I spent most of yesterday sleeping, I can sleep like 12 hours in a row easily if you let me, and it's not uncommon that I sleep 6 hours, I wake up to have lunch and then go back to sleep for like 8 hours or more. It doesn't help the fact that the lunch is oftentimes is like a banquet, like barbecue with pasta, lots of red wine and a dessert at the end. Also, it's very common that I have more than one dream sequence in a row. I hate being interrupted when I'm having a dream, even if it's a nightmare. I'm so used to dreaming that I even ask for having lots of them before going to sleep. I dunno if it's a good thing, but my friend actually admires my ability to have dreams as he confessed me that he can't, not even nightmares. Either he is at peace with himself or he doesn't actually sleep. Now that I think off, he's like in a constant laid-back, low-energy consumption mode, unlike me that I like to jog and jump instead of walking and stepping to compensate with my sedentary lifestyle (in high-school I even have a pechant for jumping up/down the stairs instead of climbing them), to keep myself somewhat agile.

These sleep disorder indeed affect my everyday life, it's not uncommon that I skip classes at the college, even thou I attend them at the afternoons, I always wake up late, and add to that I'm responsible to make the lunch not only for me, but also for my father that works at home, he's an active person so he need to eat a proper lunch. That takes a some of time, specially if I have to go buy some food.
If I were more organized and have normal sleep patterns, I wouldn't have these problems.

Medictations? Forget it, no way I'm willing to turn into a drug-reliant by medical prescription.

[metalangel]

@Revvy: Following on from what Gandara said, why are you so desperate to settle down at such a young age? There's plenty of time for that later... for now you should be doing exactly what you're doing: going out whenever you want, without any obligations, to interact with (sometimes sexually) as many people (especially young juicy ladies) as possible to learn about life and the world and other people.

I'll say it again: there'll be plenty of time for settling down later. This is the time when you can sow your wild oats guilt-free. You don't want to hit 30 or 40 and wish you hadn't squandered the opportunity while you had it.

[Surreal-mind]

I just don't know what to do.. I want a proper relationship, but I don't want to be led on and given false hope again..

Even though I've never been in any sort of relationship with anyone, I do understand how you feel.
Many girls smile at me or try to flirt with me and it kind of seems that I really have the chance to do what you're doing. (sleep with random girls and stuff) But I never do it. because quite honestly I don't really care much about sex and such. What I really want is to have a meaningful relationship with a girl, not just sex. So, yeah I understand how you're feeling right now.
All I can really say is that if your current way of life is making you feel bad. Stop going to those parties, really, in the end nothing good can come out of it. I can't really picture anyone finding something like a soulmate in a place like that.
As Gandara said, since you're young it might be difficult to find a girl looking for a SERIOUS relationship...difficult but NOT impossible. So don't be discouraged if things don't work out at first, you have to keep trying, okay ?

[Xiious]

Well I'm not sleeping tonight....

Me neither, I also have sleeping disorders probably since I finished high-school. I spent most of yesterday sleeping, I can sleep like 12 hours in a row easily if you let me, and it's not uncommon that I sleep 6 hours, I wake up to have lunch and then go back to sleep for like 8 hours or more. It doesn't help the fact that the lunch is oftentimes is like a banquet, like barbecue with pasta, lots of red wine and a dessert at the end. Also, it's very common that I have more than one dream sequence in a row. I hate being interrupted when I'm having a dream, even if it's a nightmare. I'm so used to dreaming that I even ask for having lots of them before going to sleep. I dunno if it's a good thing, but my friend actually admires my ability to have dreams as he confessed me that he can't, not even nightmares. Either he is at peace with himself or he doesn't actually sleep. Now that I think off, he's like a constant laid-back, low-energy consumption mode, unlike me that I like to jog and jump instead of walking and stepping to compensate with my sedentary lifestyle (in high-school I even have a pechant for jumping up/down the stairs instead of climbing), to keep myself somewhat agile.

These sleep disorder indeed affect my everyday life, it's not uncommon that I skip classes at the college, even thou I attend them at the afternoons, I always wake up late, and add to that I'm responsible to make the lunch not only for me, but also for my father that works at home, he's an active person so he need to eat a proper lunch. That takes a some of time, specially if I have to go buy some food.
If I were more organized and have normal sleep patterns, I wouldn't have these problems.

Medictations? Forget it, no way I'm willing to turn into a drug-reliant by medical prescription.

I've slept maybe 4 hours total the past four days. I'm okay for now but I'm definately sleep-deprived ><

[Xerxes]

I've slept maybe 4 hours total the past four days. I'm okay for now but I'm definately sleep-deprived ><

You are in the other side of the spectrum of sleep disorders. Can you have dreams whenever you manage to get some sleep?
My friend also confessed me that when he's in total silence, he hears like a constant buzzing or white noise (probably tinnitus), this is specially problematic when he need some rest, he has to listen to music in order to get some sleep, even with that he can't sleep much.
Do you also have this problem?

I'm on the opposite side, I sleep better if I'm in total silence and absolute darkness. Insterestingly I can also hear a mild white noise while I'm total silence, but unlike my friend it doesn't annoy me, actually instead of counting sheeps I focus on the noise to relax until I fall asleep.

[Xiious]

You are in the other side of the spectrum of sleep disorders. Can you have dreams whenever you manage to get some sleep?
My friend also confessed me that when he's in total silence, he hears like a constant buzzing or white noise (probably tinnitus), this is specially problematic when he need some rest, he has to listen to music in order to get some sleep, even with that he can't sleep much.
Do you also have this problem?

I'm on the opposite side, I sleep better if I'm in total silence and absolute darkness. Insterestingly I can also hear a mild white noise while I'm total silence, but unlike my friend it doesn't annoy me, actually instead of counting sheeps I focus on the noise to relax until I fall asleep.

My nightmare's have been keeping me awake :/.

I hear a constant buzzing as well, but I solve that with having headphones for my music around almost constantly.

[Navarro]

well i'm new here and i finished yesterday my first story wich was hanako wich makes me think a lot about my live...
i'm 15 years old and from vienna and my live is not like i'd would be bad but when i think about my situation now, in my school there are like no girls and my last girlfriend quit our relationship... in some nights i'm just listening to innocence and painful history and that makes me pretty sad and my tears are just going down my cheeks (also , writing that makes me almost cry). i just wish a girlfriend who accept me like i am and i just need someone to talk to and i can hug...
(sorry for my not that great english i'm still learning :b)

[Dalton4888]

well i'm new here and i finished yesterday my first story wich was hanako wich makes me think a lot about my live...
i'm 15 years old and from vienna and my live is not like i'd would be bad but when i think about my situation now, in my school there are like no girls and my last girlfriend quit our relationship... in some nights i'm just listening to innocence and painful history and that makes me pretty sad and my tears are just going down my cheeks (also , writing that makes me almost cry). i just wish a girlfriend who accept me like i am and i just need someone to talk to and i can hug...
(sorry for my not that great english i'm still learning :b)

You're 15 bud, you've got a lot of time. Don't go out with a goal of forcing yourself onto some girl who you'll end up splitting with in a few weeks, you've got to wait for the right one to come along. When they do, you'll know, don't let petty child play get in the way of the true goal. You're ahead of your time with trying to be a romantic, you've got to focus on other important aspects of your young life (an education, making smart decisions, etc.) first, don't try and worry about romance until you at least hit close to 18 years old. Yeah, that may seem like a long time away, but trust me (as someone getting close to that stage of my life now, I'm less than a year away), there are many more important things to take into consideration first. Just find a group of friends that you're comfortable with and go from there, maybe you'll meet someone down the road that will be worth the wait.

P.S: Your English isn't too bad for still being in the process of learning it .

[Riyo]

Hello KS board ^_^

I'm new here. but I thought I'd post in this topic...

I've only completed Hanako's route in KS (my first playthrough, no walkthrough...got the good ending, although the sex scene was kinda uncomfortable to sit through, but I think that was intended...right? ^_^), so I decided to join the community for this game a bit

But anyway, I guess I should share my tale of woe right? (oh and don't mind my slightly over positive attitude, it's purely to make up for crushing loneliness and severe emptiness ^_^)

All my life I've been "the outsider" "the weird one" and so on, when I was in primary school (UK thing...ages, I think 5-6 to 10-11) I thought I had friends, but more often than not they'd be the ones responsible for picking on me, I used to get in a lot of fights (to the point at one time I was threatened with suspension for one more fight...I promptly left the office and punched a jerk in the face....yeah...I'm not too smart methinks ^_^)....then I went to secondary school, I only knew one other person who was going there from my school (I thought of him as my "best friend" but in reality I was pretty much a joke to him), at first I'd get in a lot of trouble over stupid things (I stole a lot of stuff back then, and once called a teacher a bitch) but as time went on I got quieter and more distant from people, much like in primary school people picked on me for being different...maybe that's why I retreated into myself so much, by the time sixth form came around (16-18) I was pretty much non-existant other than as a joke...I stopped going to classes, just wandered round the streets nearby making up little fantasy stories in my head (things like monsters suddenly appearing and me getting to be a hero and make friends and stuff...yeah...I'm pretty lame ^_^) then I moved to a different school (same area, just new school) and things went ok, I was in with a little group of people (although still an outsider mostly) but then I got ill (everything was spinning and I kept throwing up) went to the doctors and got told it was "severe depression" got put on medication for that...but I didn't take them, just got rid of them, till I got caught out (the odd tablet that I failed to destroy getting found) and I was sectioned (basically, forced into hospital) and it was either take the tablets or have them hold me down and inject me (yeah...apparently they can do that ^_^) at some point they also added paranoid schizophrenia to my list of problems (I was hearing voices and was so paranoid I thought everyone was looking and laughing at me or out to get me), during this time I turned 18, it wasn't exactly a celebration, I was so down I didn't even care...I had no one to celebrate with and no interest in it at all, through most of this time my only interaction with people was online, I was one of the older members of a small forum and I enjoyed being like a "big brother" figure to a lot of the members, but slowly we all drifted apart...

Anyway, I slowly got a bit better with depression, kinda, nowadays I don't really feel anything (it's like my emotions are broken, like I can see them in other people and mimic them, but mine are never real), I don't really have any friends anymore (not even online...out of sheer desperation I talk to a couple of people, but it's never all that deep), I've become pretty much a Hikkomori, I'm now 27 and I really wanna find someone and start a family, but I'm useless at people and I can't really work a normal job because of my mental problems (oh, I also have ADHD so I find concentration hard and stuff) so I don't really have any way to meet people anyway

I'm trying to turn my life around, I've decided to learn to program and make a small game or something (I have tonnes of time to learn stuff, one of the advantages of being chronically unemployable I guess ^_^) I'm also teaching myself to draw/sculpt/sew...or at least trying to (these days I tend to spend most of my time asleep, I can spend almost 72 hours in bed without getting out...I'm trying to get into the habit of being awake, but it's really hard)...to make matters more complicated (and I hope I'm not setting myself up for merciless hate and trolling here) I'm transgender (a fact which I've only recently admitted to) but due to some stupidness I'm having trouble getting them to refer me onto the next part of that process (they've told me they will, in January, but every time I ask they just tell me "We're doing it now, give it a couple of days" and then nothing)...so that gives me a lot of issues to deal with as well....I still fall into clouds of darkness sometimes (just this morning in fact) were I realise most of what I do is utterly pointless and I'll probably die sad and alone forgotten by everyone....but oh well, gotta soldier on right?

And wow...that's...a lot of text, feel free to TL;DR (I think that's how you do it right? ^_^) me...oh and is it sad that I wish Hanako were real just so I could be her friend? ^_^

[Dalton4888]

And wow...that's...a lot of text, feel free to TL;DR (I think that's how you do it right? ^_^) me...oh and is it sad that I wish Hanako were real just so I could be her friend? ^_^

Interesting post. I just joined up the forums a couple of days ago after completing all of the arcs, it's quite a fulfilling group of stories . Also, it's not weird, everyone that's gone through each scenario seems to have a person from the game that they wish they could personally meet.

[Xerxes]

You are in the other side of the spectrum of sleep disorders. Can you have dreams whenever you manage to get some sleep?
My friend also confessed me that when he's in total silence, he hears like a constant buzzing or white noise (probably tinnitus), this is specially problematic when he need some rest, he has to listen to music in order to get some sleep, even with that he can't sleep much.
Do you also have this problem?

I'm on the opposite side, I sleep better if I'm in total silence and absolute darkness. Insterestingly I can also hear a mild white noise while I'm total silence, but unlike my friend it doesn't annoy me, actually instead of counting sheeps I focus on the noise to relax until I fall asleep.

My nightmare's have been keeping me awake :/.

I hear a constant buzzing as well, but I solve that with having headphones for my music around almost constantly.

I tend to not use headphones much because they hurt my hearing if I use them for too long, even at low volume settings. Loud noises annoy me. When I listen to music I normally do it at low volume setting, I can't appreciate all the notes and small details well if it's it's too loud.

If I'm not focusing on the white noise when I'm trying to sleep, I also imagine that I'm listening to music, I focus on that until my mind gets tired and I fall asleep afterwards. Normally I try to remember catchy songs or videogame music. If I don't focus on something, my own mind will drive me nuts and won't let me sleep, or even when I'm awake, if I don't focus on something, my mind goes Chernobyl's reactor #4, it's starts to accelerate its rythm, if I don't vent those thoughts I'll get crazy. When I manage to calm down my mind, I end up exhausted, numb, my head spins a little and I can't think properly.
It's horrible when it happens, and it happens often when I'm alone, but now that I have some friends, it's happening less often than before.

@Riyo: If you like sewing, try your luck as a tailor. Good tailors are hard to come by, at least in my country. Just a suggestion, if you can't turn your hobbies into a profitable job, then go ahead.

[Kouryuu]

Wow I have a busy weekend involving PC blowing up and then the rest of gw2 bwe(40hours straight ftw) and you guys gain 2 pages on me. Too bad I cant really offer any advice.

I dont really have any dreams/nightmares but I do sometimes struggle to get to sleep or atleast I used to. These days if my brain is buzzing I just meditate or atleast try to, I have no idea if I do it right but whatever I do seems to help me get to sleep. Though I guess thats got nothing to do with anything...

I still fall into clouds of darkness sometimes (just this morning in fact) were I realise most of what I do is utterly pointless and I'll probably die sad and alone forgotten by everyone....but oh well, gotta soldier on right?

Aww, I get this sometimes, in fact its always in the back of my mind. You cant think about that though, you just have to constantly make small steps/improvements to get to somewhere. Like your programming for example, your end goal is probably to make a kick ass game that everyone loves but your first step is learning the basics and taking it from there. As long as you keep improving in some small way you can find comfort in the fact that one day you will make that kick ass game that everyone will remember you for.

At least thats how I help myself stay positive and on the right track. Not sure if it helps you.

I read every post in this thread before I made my own and intend to read every post after, even if I have nothing to say my heart goes out to everyone <3. We all have problems and we can all get past them .

[ArazelEternal]

I understand the people who are really wanting relationships. Im one of them. Having someone there that you know you can trust and confide in. Someone to wake up with, to say goodbye to, to come home to who is always happy to see you. Someone to love cherish. It would make the whole world better and make everything seem brighter. Im not looking for a family. The last damn thing I want is kids. Im just looking for someone to share my life with me.

@Xiious:. That really sounds rough man. Im not sure what i can say. To be honest I cant remember ever having a nightmare. I rarely dream at all. When I sleep, I have to have silence and near total darkness. Otherwise, I dont sleep a wink.

@Riyo: You have pretty much described me as well in your post. I made the mistake of thinking that people were somehow my friends even though they made fun of me. I didnt gain my first real friend until high school. That was ten years ago and we are still very close today. Im 26. I still havent gone very far in life. I dont make very much money and I still live with my father. I share the problem of feeling numb all the time. My smiles and happy moods are forced nearly all the time. The times that i do actually feel something akin to happiness or pride, it is exceedingly short lived. The other day at work i ran some ethernet cable along the 14 foot high ceiling. Im afraid of heights and ladders, but i managed somehow to get over it enough to do the job. When i got done installing it, finished terminating the cables and getting everything to work, it looked professional. I was proud for all of 5-10 minutes. Then it was like, yeah, big deal. It isnt anything special. Its something that people do better than me everyday, and nothing to be proud of. Then the depression came back just as it was before.